Time to flush out some more brain bugs..
01. The "I Don't Care" tactic.
When I was a kid of 7 or 8, my mother taught me to be very polite and not to be "pushy." So, I became quite shy. One example of this was when I visited my cousin Charlie's home. His mother, my aunt Hattie, made wonderful peanut butter filled dates. I could eat them for hours if I could get my hands on them.
Hattie would ask me: "Joe, would you like a filled date?" My whole body quivered with delight at the thought of devouring one of these gems, but my mother's admonition that I should not be "pushy" overcame my desire.. and I would say: "I don't care"... (But, of course, I did care).. However, I thought that I was being polite, even though I was scared that it might prevent me from getting one of the treats.
But, my Uncle Charlie would see through my ploy each time and with a smirk would say what I was hoping he would say.. which was: "Goddammit, Hattie, give the kid a couple of those dates."
In time, he got tired of hearing me say my "I don't cares" and finally, he pointed his finger at me and said: "From now on, if you want one of those dates, say so, otherwise you will not get any." My Uncle Charlie was big and scary, so I of course did what he suggested. It was a lesson that I gladly learned.. and it worked for other treats as well.
02. Free 2016 Calendars
Well, here it is.. time for all of my junk mailers to send me 2016 calendars. Today, I took ten of them to our AARP meeting and they were eagerly gobbled up. Some have beautiful pictures.. scenery, portraits, birds, dogs, cats, .. etc. Speaking of 2016, I watched the first Republican debates on Fox News last night. Sixteen losers, in my opinion, with the biggest A..H of them all, Donald Trump shooting his mouth and foot off at the same time.
The other day, the candidates debated in New Hampshire. Guess what four of them said would be the first thing that they would do when elected? That's right: overthrow Obamacare! Come on, guys, use your heads for something other than hatracks. I listened closely to hear if there were any solutions being offered for some of the major world problems, like Global Warming. Not a word did I hear.
03. Bucket List
When I retired in 1995, I made a list of things I wanted to do before I slipped off this blue ball. My list had 162 items on it. Today, I looked and I think there are only about 80 items left. But.. I will not finish all the items, because.. well, take a look at a few of them...
Act in a Play
Become a Movie Extra
Earn a PhD
Join a Church
Learn Polish
Write a Book about Mozart
04. Jon Winokur lists interesting things that famous persons say. Here are a few from the August 2010 Funny Paper:
Daphne Du Maurier: "Women want love to be a novel, men a short story."
Camille Paglia: "There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper." (HUH?)
Elaine Boosler: "When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country."
Sue Grafton: "If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them."
Lana Turner: "A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."
...................................
My breathing problems are making me rush around a bit, so, goodbye for now.
Friday, August 07, 2015
Saturday, August 01, 2015
Conserve, Damn Ya!
Do you like getting yelled at? I don't. And still, the Baltimore Gas and Electric (BGE) Company insists on doing so at least once each week!
Every week BGE has a day when they recommend all of their customers raise their air conditioner temperature, and not run their clothes washers and dryers until after 7 PM. They keep track (somehow) to see who is not following their advice.
Usually, I get a telephone call and/or an email message the day after "savings day" letting me know how badly I have done. For three weeks, BGE told me that compared with my 100 closest neighbors, our house used more gas and electric services than any of them, and our score was a big fat "zero."
Well, finally, I decided that I would at least try to join the environmental "savers". So, on that "fatal" energy saving day, I did the following:
I left the curtains down.
I shut off the air conditioner. (It was 100 degrees outside!)
I did not wash any clothes, even though Elaine bugged the hell out of me to do so.
I did not dry any previously washed clothes, even though Elaine bugged the hell out of me to do so.
I was a good boy from 8 am to 7 pm, and what did it get me?
The next day, I got a robo-call from BGE: "Your conservation efforts paid off a little. You saved a total of $2.00 worth of energy, which amount will be deducted from your July usage statement."
"However," it continued, "all of your 100 closest neighbors saved at least $5.00 each! Please try to do better in the future."
OK.. OK .. I'll try. Just stop nagging me!
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