Another dozen

01. Red Hat Club Ancest0r: In 1969, I established the Red Tie Club at the Social Security Administration. At our peak, we had 29 members who vowed that they would wear a red tie on Fridays. If not, they had to buy coffee and doughnuts for all of the other members. (Several guys would forget each week, but it wasn't very hard on the pocketbook because you could get a coffee and a sticky bun for 15 cents in those days.)

Remember.. this was 40 years ago and office workers had to wear neckties. This was a bad time for lungs because smoking was allowed everywhere. It always stunk to high heaven and one had to work in a haze of smog. However, we were used to it and didn't worry about it too much.

Once in the 1970's I decided that it was too stinky in my branch, so I shipped one of my smokiest sections into what I thought was a vacant storage room. That way, those guys could puff away to their heart's content without bothering anybody else. Or so I thought.

As soon as my guys were settled and began to light up, they noticed a rustling that seemed to be coming from what we thought were empty cartons piled up in the far corner of the room. It turned out to be the location of a programmer who hated smoking and who had made himself an office out of empty boxes. We had no idea he lived there. But, overwhelmed with the new smokiness, he soon moved out for parts unknown.

(Incidentally, this gentleman turned out to be the world's foremost expert on Esperanto, the international language. I've talked about this in other blogs.)

02. Big Bite! Scientists have found evidence of a giant Sperm Whale in the Australian desert. I have to check this out. The teeth are purported to be 4' long.. in a 50' body. Supposedly, this leviathan was not Mr. Niceguy. I believe that part of the discovery's name will honor Herman Melville (my hero.)

03. Watch out! The National Federation of the Blind and Virginia Tech are working on a project to allow blind people to drive. There already are some assistive devices related to that:

DriveGrip.. vibrating gloves that signal when and where to turn.

AirPix.. Paper with holes through which compressed air is sent to inform a driver as to what is around the vehicle.

04. Directions: One true thing about the village I live in, there is only one road out. Ordinarily this doesn't pose a problem, but the other day a jogger hailed me and asked if he were going in the right direction to get out of the village. I said "no" and explained the layout to him. He said "thanks" and went off in the wrong direction. I accosted him and told him he was going in the wrong direction. He said "OK" and continued in the same wrong direction. I gave up. Elaine says "that is just like a man."

05. Spies? I wonder if any of my neighbors are Russian spies. If they have operatives planted in the US.. we must have some as well. Spygate? I guess it is just another source of income for American citizens. I wonder what secret documents they xeroxed or photographed from their time in the PTA or the local Baptist Church.

06. Abdication: Larry King is retiring after 25 years in the media. Will Jeraldo take his place? Maybe now he can become a Russian spy like his neighbors.

07. Damn Alkie Wino: I am under my cardiologist's orders to have two alcoholic beverages per day. It's supposed to help my heart. So, in a week, if I drink only beer.. there will be 14 bottles in my recycling bin. If wine, maybe 3 or 4 bottles of wine. Anyway, last week the recycling pickup didn't show up for a few days.. so the booze evidence increased until it looked like all we drink is alcoholic beverages. So what.. who cares what the neighbors think. Besides Lutherans like to drink beer.

Once, on vacation in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, I was out blogging on recycling pickup day and I noticed that every bin was filled with empty wine bottles of a certain fairly expensive red wine type. At first I thought that the liquor store must have had a fantastic sale. Then I thought that this many people can't all drink the same kind of wine. Then I realized that this was probably all from the same wino. His bin was full, so he decided to fill up his neighbors' bins. .. ok.. like I said before.. who cares?

08. Great idea: Someone is marketing Bridal Diapers. Who needs them? I guess it depends on how strong a Bride's bladder is.

09. Style: An upbeat 69 year old Wonder Woman will now dress in stretch pants. About time.

10. Baltimorese: John Goodspeed of the Baltimore Sun published a dictionary of the dialect spoken in Baltimore, Maryland. Look at a few of the entries:

Clays: clothes
Everythink: everything
Flares: flowers
Koor: car
Nayo: no
Urshter: oyster
Zinc: sink

11. Job openings: Britain is advertising for Bikini mud wrestlers.

12. Hairy lip? A German study has found that female fish like male fish best if they have a kind of mustache. Clark Gablefish.

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So Much to Learn

It's Saturday again.. and I want to talk about: a book about Karl Rove, Star Trek (the new movie), porker quarantined in Kabul, Disney flashers, Joe the Plumber, embassy tours, KFC riots... and of course some of this came from the marvelous show: Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me! (now on TWITTER and FACEBOOK.)

KARL ROVE: I just finished Boy Genius (subtitled: Karl Rove, THE Architect of George W. Bush's Remarkable Political Triumphs) by Carl M. Cannon, Lou Dubose, and Jan Reid. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who has followed politics for any length of time. Democrats, Republicans, and Independants should all find this book very interesting. I found the book to be very well balanced and informative and not filled with bias like other political books I have read recently.

STAR TREK, the New Movie: I didn't know this, but there is a new Star Trek movie being made that will feature young folks playing Captain Kirk, Spock, etc. Some of the techie stuff will apparently be updated so that things (like the Communicators that looked like old-style cell phones) will be more "believable".

Wait, Wait... says that Leonard Nemoy will make a cameo appearance.. and "William Shatner's toupee makes a cameo appearance as a 'Tribble'. "

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Wait, Wait.. says that the President ordered Dijon mustard to be put on his cheeseburger at a fast food restaurant. I wonder what VP Biden asked for.

EMBASSY TOURS: Today, several embassies in DC are opening their doors for tours: Germany, Denmark, Italy, and some others. People in DC should take advantage of these tours. I have mentioned before that I went on such a tour one time and the wives of the Supreme Court Justices were the hostesses. (I repeat myself, sorry) When I met the wife of Thurgood Marshall, I got flustered and said: "We really enjoy your husband." She laughed and said: "Me too."

DISNEYLAND: Wait, Wait.. says that Disney is eliminating its camera cops.. those are the people who stand by the photographer and stop them from taking pictures of ladies who try to "Flash". BTW: once while waiting for Elaine to go up in her sky-diving plane, the lady who runs the place flashed her breasts as a good luck sign to the pilot and passengers.

JOE THE PLUMBER: Wait, Wait.. says that Joe the Plumber has become disillusioned with the Republican Party and has switched loyalties.

PORKER IN AFGHANISTAN: Wait, Wait says.. Afghanistan quarantined its only pig, which is in the Kabul Zoo. The reason they only have one pig is because they are a Moslem country and meat from pigs is forbidden. The quarantine was put in place, of course, because of the Swine Flu scare.

WILLIAM SHATNER: I did not know that Mr. Shatner starred in the movie INCUBUS, or that the movie's language was Esperanto. (Tom Goodman, Baltimore SSA and Mensa, was for many years THE expert on Esperanto, the International language developed by a guy named Zamenhof. At one time I was able to read books in Esperanto. If you know a couple of European languages, Esperanto is extremely easy to use. It never really caught on though. If you "google" Esperanto you can learn all about it.)

KFC: Wait Wait... says that Oprah put a coupon for free KFC chicken on the Internet and millions of people descended on these restaurants and they were overwhelmed. Some had to call in the police to control the crowds.

SLEEP: WW says: The French sleep 9 hours a night on the average. The Japanese: 8 hours. (When I worked, I slept between 4 and 5 hours a night.. 6 on weekends. I wonder what the American average is.)

PORT-A-POTTIES: Recently, a Cessna crash landed into a "herd" of port-a-potties. The pilot walked away unscathed.

As Robert Louis Stevenson said: "The world is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings."