Post-April-Fool-Day

I need to take a break from the frustrating fun of preparing my 2010 Income Tax returns. At the moment, I haven't decided whether I need to get a tax date extension or not. By doing it last year, I had to pay a penalty.. not much, but irritating. Why does the tax law have to be so complex? I don't expect the present crop of politicians to revise it this year.

01. Taxpayers?

Who are the U.S. taxpayers anyway? I just read a letter to the Carroll County Times by David Iacono from Westminster, Maryland, who says that the Bank of America made $4.4 billion without paying any tax. He also says that they received a $45 billion taxpayer-funded bailout in 2008.

He also says that GE made $14.2 billion last year without paying any taxes, and that two-thirds of U.S. corporations paid no taxes from 1998 to 2005.

I don't know if this information is accurate or not, but I'll bet it is. I'm too lazy to check.

For some time now, I have thought that now that some billionaires are promising to donate some of their money to good causes.. why don't they give all but one billion to the U.S. Treasury and get us out of our deficit situation? Or at least, partially out.

02. Be Nice!

Someone just sent me a poem written by "Anonymous". The first part reads:

Share a smile or a friendly greeting

To a stranger on the street

It will bring a ray of sunshine

To some person you may meet.

This is a great suggestion and I would recommend it to everybody, except, perhaps, those who live in the dense center of some mega-city, like Boston or New York, where you probably will be slugged, sweared at, or arrested if you do so. But in smaller communities, it should work ok. I've been trying to practice this for many years.. and I've only been rewarded with an obscene gesture a few times.

03. Opera for the Masses

Harper's Magazine mentions that New York's City Opera grew out of President Roosevelt's WPA Music Project, during the Great Depression. The Music Project created orchestras to help unemployed musicians have a place to work. Resulting concerts cost 25 cents to attend.

New York's Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia was motivated to create what was called the People's Opera at the time. Even though it must compete with the Met, it has maintained popularity.

Incidentally, according to the Harper's article, LaGuardia's father came from Italy as part of an opera troupe.

04. More phobia.

Camophobia - Fear of marriage.

Cymnophobia - Fear of being naked.

Hierophobia - Fear of religious objects.

Ergasiophobia - Fear of work.

Ereuthophobia - Fear of blushing.

..and the most fearsome of all...

Pogonophobia - Fear of beards.

05. Phrases?

The following "phrases" seem to be in wide usage, but they are ones that make members of the Toastmasters organization very angry when they are heard.

"I was like..."

"I heart..."

"You know..."

"You can't tell me nothing."

"Ah."

"Um."

Forty years ago, the phrase "I mean, you know..." was heard constantly for a couple of years. . Now it is gone. Let's hope that the phrase "I was like..." has a short life expectancy as well.

Some exclamatory phrases that have "bit the dust" (so to speak):

"Twenty-one skiddoo!"

"Oh, you kid!"

"Egad!."

"Great Godfrey Daniels!"

06. Solved!

Many have wondered why phychiatrists have their patients lie on couches. I recently read that one of Sigmund Freud's colleagues, Dr. Willi Hofer said that Freud would put patients on a couch because he was shy and didn't want to look at them.

07. Phantom vibration syndrome.

A new problem for people who use cell phones a lot. It feels like you have a call, even when you don't.. so you are constantly grabbing at your pants pockets.

08. Cow talk.

In France, cows say, "Moi!"

In Poland, cows say, "Oom!"

In USA, cows say, "Moo!"

09. Death sentence.

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me: Sitting is very unhealthful and doctors suggest doing it as little as possible. It was suggested that a medication called Standagra be developed for the problem. (Just try not to stand for more than four hours at a time.)

10. Riddle:

My brother, Joe, probably gave me this one.

What is greater than God

It's more evil than the Devil,

The rich man doesn't have it

The poor man does,

If you eat it, you'll die.

11. A Motel from Hell.

A few years ago, my family spent a night at a Virginia motel, with the following results:

Bathroom fixtures were filthy.

Floor was dirty.

Bed sheets were dirty.

Faucet leaked heavily and steadily.

Toilet had to be flushed five times before it cleaned up and stopped coming close to overflowing.

Air conditioner was covered with dust, and only one knob worked, and not very well, so it was either very cold or very hot all night long. Window couldn't be opened.

The only trash can was full.

"No Pets," but our next door neighbor had a barking dog.

People outside of the window were talking to midnight.

People were playing some form of football outside of room from 3:30 AM to 5:00 AM.

Had to use a rolled up newspaper to kill 5 flies during the night and 2 in the morning.

I couldn't catch the fly on the mirror and the one on the ceiling.

When I opened the door in the morning, 50 more flies flew in.

Both the room clerk and the only maid were too busy to help us, and the next motel was too far away to reach the same day.

In addition, when I woke up in the morning, my right upper leg was a mass of ugly red bite marks.

I wonder if my kids remember that motel?

12. Speaking of Flies:

I read somewhere that Chinese officials once gave a mandate to the Chinese people to get rid of flies. Each city and county Communist cell was given a quota of flies to kill, and that was said to be quite successful. How could they have been successful at dump sites, the smell of which would tend to cause flies to spontaneously appear?

The Week magazine mentions that Beijing has installed 100 deodorant cannons at the city's massive Asuwei dumpsite. The cannons will periodically spray gallons of fragrance over the piles of stinky, putrifying, fly-loving garbage.

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Sunday News June 7, 2009

Good news for avid book readers and reviewers like my son Chris (see his blog: chrisvaughanreader.blogspot.com ) .. Playaway audio books are now available in Baltimore, Carroll, Harford and Howard county libraries in Maryland, according to Mary Gail Hare in the Baltimore Sun. Unfortunately, only the Perry Hall library branch in Baltimore County has them at the location, but they can be ordered through the other branches. I have often borrowed books on cassettes from libraries and I'm anxious to see how the Playaway system works.

I'm not sure if Playaway can compete with the XM radio in my car. I just found out that XM now has a Metropolitan Opera Station that plays "live" operas 24 hours a day! I tuned to it yesterday, but was almost put to sleep by a work of Charles Ives.. not my "cup of tea." However, they promise to have others that I do like. It will be a problem to decide if I want to hear a favorite opera or stay tuned to the standup comedy station, or now, listen to a Playaway.

I didn't see any reference or hear on the news about Prime Minister Brown's referal to "Obama Beach." Maybe I misheard Brown's words.

There are 16,400 abandoned houses in Baltimore according to Peter Hermann in the Baltimore Sun. A company called Creative Camouflage has been authorized to glue pictures of pretty windows, doors, curtains and blinds over the boards of abandoned rowhouses.

I spoke with a fellow AARP member who told me he canceled his Sunpaper subscription when one of their columnists criticised Sarah Palin. The paper has now offered him a year's free subscription to entice him back. He says he may resubscribe after the year is up because, and only because, he likes the TV schedule that is printed in the paper.

Another Bird won the Belmont Stakes. Elaine was hoping that Calvin Borel would get his triple win dream. Maybe next year.

NBC's Meet the Press will not air today because of NBC's coverage of the French Open. Well, we can now see which activity is more important: hitting a ball or talking about the events of the day that affect everyone. (However, I looked through today's Sun and did not find one word about the French Open, and there was a lot of sports information.)

A commentator writes to the Sun that the West Bank settlements are no threat to the Palestinians.. then why are the Palestinians upset? I wonder if President Obama can resolve this dispute. It's a big one.

For the second time in a week a photo appears on the front page of the Carroll County (Maryland) Times showing a bare female belly. For a while I was thinking of sending them a picture of my fat belly to publish next week. They already print lots of pictures of me in that paper.. in fact, my friends in NARFE decided not to include me in pictures any more because "enough of Joe Vaughan is enough!"

Mystery: Yesterday, I had to shop at a super market. As I was walking in, an extremely heavy (500 pounds?) came racing past me with a cane, almost running, on massive legs squeezed into little tennis shoes. She was followed by a very frail little older lady, her mother. In the store, she surrounded an electric scooter and began a fast expedition through the store, followed by her mama, who tried to keep up. "Hurry up, mama," said the chubby lady as she terrorized the slower shoppers.

I lost track of the dynamic duo, paid my bill, and put my goodies in the car, when I heard one of the super market clerks calling 911. She was telling them that someone had hit a light pole in the parking lot. When I looked around, I saw an SUV billowing smoke and a bunch of people trying to pull the lady out of her car. She had indeed hit (head-on) a light pole in the parking lot. How she did that is the mystery to me. The pole is nowhere near where anybody parks and there is at least a 50 foot circumference area around the pole that is completely empty. How in the world did she go out of control, travel way across a large parking lot and hit that pole?

Anyway, three ambulances showed up and I left when I knew that everything was under their control. I don't think that she or her mother were badly hurt, but that SUV will never be the same.

Elaine reads in the Carroll County Times that another high school graduate has gotten himself killed in a car accident. Every year it is the same, one or more teen-agers killed, usually because of alcohol abuse. Twenty years ago, most of the unfortunate kids came from the area in which we lived: Gamber, Maryland. It wasn't just automobile accidents; the kids also liked to see if they could walk a straight line down the center stripe of Route 32. Because most of them were drunk when they tried this, they got hit by cars and killed. We called it: The Gamber Death Wish.

One of the teens that was in an auto accident at this time last year survived a head on crash. The other driver was lucky as well. She was drunk and had to pay a penalty when she recovered, months later. She graduated this year from High School and her's is one of the pictures I mentioned before of female bare bellies.

I learned today that there are 46 miles of nerves in the average human body. I wish that the nerves that were severed in my recent carotid procedure would hurry and rejuvenate. So far, some numbness has disappeared from the top of my right ear, but the bottom of the ear and some of the neck area are still numb to the touch. I've been told that nerve regeneration takes a while. Anyway, its better than having a stroke.

To help with the drive to cure breast cancer, Elaine purchased ten pink shopping bags yesterday. Besides that, pink is Elaine's favorite color.

Good news... The Detroit Police Department has adjusted their crime statistics and Baltimore now ranks second, instead of first, in homicides. Well, that certainly makes me feel better.

My police friends tell me that gangs of white-shirted youths are attacking people at Harbor Place. The police have stepped up patrols, but one still must be careful downtown. This kind of news will kill Harbor Place, I'm sure. However, Baltimore is still a wonderful and safe place to live in or visit, as long as you know which neighborhoods to avoid.

Westminster is probably the safest place to live or visit in Maryland.. and it has an interesting downtown Main Street. And Carroll Lutheran Village, where we live, is probably the safest place to live or visit in Westminster. Here, you can walk wherever you want, in perfect safety and pleasure. (advertisement)

What a great name for mattress sellers: SLEEPY'S.

I looked through the obituaries in both the Baltimore Sun and the Carroll County Times this morning and I did not see my name, so now I can relax and enjoy this hot sunny day in the safest place in Maryland, and possibly in the USA.

Opera's Demise in Baltimore

It's a sad time for opera lovers in Baltimore. Grand Opera at the Lyric has gone away. Everything belonging to the Baltimore Opera Company is being auctioned off. There is a report about the situation by Tim Smith in the Baltimore Sun today. Even though Tim mentions some activity that is going to allow for some opera performances in the future, it still is a very sad situation.

For some years, my son and I were patrons and attended many operas at the Lyric. We usually attended on Sundays and were happy to get to learn about the operas in the preceding lectures by prominent opera experts. We also always opted for the best seats in the house. It seemed a lot nicer to sit in separated upholstered seats, and we always were able to sit in the front of the box, until one of the season ticket sellers made a mistake and we had to sit in the back of the box. This was o.k. to a point.. there were a couple of drawbacks.. first, we could not see the sur-titles... second, squirming people in front of the box were a distraction. It just did not feel as elegant and special. (Yes, I did complain, but it didn't make a difference.. after that we always got the back of the box.) But, aside from that, the productions were marvelous and very well done, even if sometimes, the lack of sur-titles caused a language barrier. (There are a few operas where sur-titles are a great help, in my opinion.)

The Baltimore Opera combined so many things: beautiful instrumental music, beautiful individual vocal music, beautiful choral music, marvelously developed sets, wonderful acting, sometimes ballet, colorful costumes, etc etc. Although needing an overhaul, the Lyric was a great place to enjoy an opera.

My son and I also belonged to the Baltimore Opera Guild and we attended many of their luncheons where opera luminaries gave samples of their vocal skill. At these functions, many of the dowager patrons would cast a friendly eye on my handsome son. Once a year, we would attend a free wine and cheese function where my son and I were offered the chance to become officers in the organization. Because of our other committments, we had to decline. But it probably would have been a great experience to get to know the opera folks better. We also toyed with the idea of becoming extras. We met some of them on a night when we got to tour backstage at the Lyric. What a world it is, back there where the audience can't see all the marvels that are taking place to make magic on the stage!

Tim Smith mentions other opera opportunities for Baltimore:

The Washington National Opera to perform at the Lyric.
The Baltimore Opera Theater will debut at the Hippodrome and the Meyerhoff.
The Baltimore Concert Opera will perform at the elegant Engineerss Club.
Opera Vivente will present at Emmanuel Episcopal Church.
At the Theatre Project, American Opera Theater will perform.
The Peabody Opera Theatre will perform.

But.. as Tim laments.. there is no longer Grand Opera in Baltimore.. and this is sad!