I have had a Post Office Box for some years. It's set up to handle most of the junk mail that I love to get. Many years ago, my house mailbox was inundated with massive amounts of mail each day. When my wife threatened to leave me if I didn't get rid of it, I decided to start using a post offiice box. I began changing my address for the welcome junk mail to the post office box in 1980 or so, and since then it has worked out very well. Over the years, some junk has penetrated my system and comes to my current address, but in the main, only a small amount makes it through.
Most of my junk mail shows a code letter as my middle name.. I'll explain that in a minute.. And over the years mis-spellings and flat-out errors have contributed sometimes weird and unusual names. To illustrate this, let me give you a look at my post office box mail for today, June 9th, 2009:
Mail for J.R. Vaughan (The R normally shows mail offers for "adventures", trips, tours, etc)
01. A booklet from National Geographic about expeditions that they are trying to fill with people with a few dollars.
02. A survey from the Republican party. (I guess they think they know what the R stands for.)
Mail for J.T. Vaughan (The T was set up when I took a subscription to Time magazine.)
01. An offer for a subscription to AFAR magazine. (Travel)
02. An offer for Fast Company magazine.
03. An offer for Inc. magazine.
04. An offer for Fortune magazine.
05. An issue of Fortune magazine.
Do you see how the magazines stick together and pass on address information to each other? And note that these magazines are geared to upper income customers.
That is all of the coded items I got today, but let me tell you my secret: Many years ago, before I set up the post office box, I decided that I would like to learn how mailing lists are developed and passed around. At the time, I subscribed to Advertising Age (I can't afford it right now.. their subscription rates are obscene).. and learned a bit, but I decided to find out first hand. So, I began seeking junk mail.. Whenever I sent for something, I would give my name a middle initial (I was not given a middle initial at birth so I am free to make up my own.)
The first item I sent for, I gave the initial A; the second B; etc., you get the picture. Sometimes the letter was closely related to the item sent for, as in the case of T above. One of my most active mailing initial is M.. I had sent for something about Mozart. That was long ago, and I still get mail with that initial for all kinds of musical offers or information.
So now you know my secret. The rest of my mail today was rather mundane:
Mail to Joe Voughan: (Misspelled years ago and still people are using the address today): Information about the Cumberland County, Maryland Playhouse.
Mail to our Neighbors (at the PO Box).. Not much thought there : Money Mailer and of course, Bed, Bath and Beyond. How could your neighbors live squeezed into a little POBox?
All the rest of today's mail is sent to me either as Joe, Joseph, J.,.. with no initial. Somehow, the address providers must have cleaned up the files. This mail offers shoreline rentals in New Jersey, free vacations if you buy a certain hearing aid, opportunity to give a gift annuity to the Arthritis Foundation, group travel opportunities (it even mentions the Charles W. Morgan whaling ship that I played on as a kid), a free wallet and stick-up lights if I buy some clothing, a book about false diabetic information, and a bunch of other stuff of a similar nature.
Once, I gave a Toastmasters speech, the title of which was: I Love Junk Mail. I told everyone about my mail coding system and talked about mailing lists and gave them examples of the mail I get every day. On the next Toastmasters meeting day, I was greeted by my fellow members with bags of their junk mail, which they took great pleasure in giving to me. (I didn't let them know it, but they could not have given me a gift I enjoyed more.
Showing posts with label Toastmasters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Toastmasters. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Friday, May 08, 2009
Cheer up!
Yesterday, I got very depressed during a police update on "gangs" so today I want to talk about a few things that I find cheering: my monthly AARP joke, "waddling carp", Mother's Day, and William Donald Schaefer.
I believe a joke is in the "public domain" unless someone can prove that they are the only one who ever thought of and developed it. I emcee'd the annual Senior Citizens Banquet for several years when it took place in Union Bridge, Maryland. One year, as part of my duties, I told four elaborate jokes with senior citizen themes. The audience seemed to enjoy them.
An hour later, the entertainer arrived. A gentleman who was, in effect, a "one man band", and in between sets told jokes. Guess what... his four jokes were the same jokes that I had just told. Coming in late, he, of course, did not know what I had said, and I didn't own the jokes. (The audience enjoyed them for a second time.)
In case you were not at the May 2009 AARP meeting, this is my monthly joke:
A guy was hurrying to get to a cafe before "Happy Hour" ended. There were no parking places to be had. As he drove around and around, he got very frustrated and decided to pray for help.
"Lord, if you find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday for a whole year!"
He drove around some more.. still no parking place. So he prayed again:
"Lord, if you find me a parking place, I will also say the Rosary every night for a year!"
Still no space.. but then, all of a sudden, a car drove away and a nice wide space opened up. The man prayed again:
"Lord, never mind. I found one on my own!"
FISH: The Carroll County Times (Maryland) had a couple of remarkable pictures of giant carp "waddling" through shallow water foraging for food. The carp are half in and half out of the water. Is this evolution in action? ;0)
I'm reminded of the time one of my kids let the water in the goldfish bowl get so low that the poor fish was half in and half out, just like the carp. (Thankfully, that kid is now grown up and is a fantastic caring person for all kinds of creatures.)
Years ago, when my kids were very young, and gas was cheap, we would go on Sunday drives. One of the favorite places we would like to go to was the Loch Raven Reservoir where giant carp resided. We would take a couple of loaves of bread and the kids would have a ball feeding these voracious fish. I wonder if they remember this. (The kids, not the fish.)
MOTHER'S Day: The burning question: Does an apostrophe come before or after the S?
Just a reminder. We should all remember our mothers every day of the year, but especially on the one that is set aside for that purpose. By the looks of the traffic yesterday at the local mall, lots of people are doing their duty.
WILLIAM DONALD SCHAEFER:
I read that former Governor Schaefer has, at 87, just received a pacemaker. I hope that this device allows him to have many more years of life.
I'm told that he now resides in Charlestown, a local continuing care community in an historic Baltimore setting. I have several friends who reside there as well, and they seem to enjoy it.
Once, many years ago, my late wife and I were visiting Baltimore's Harbor Place. After a lot of walking, we sat down on a large bench in one of the buildings to rest, next to an older man. As we sat there, we noticed a sign over the bench that said that the bench was reserved for Mayor (at the time) Schaefer whenever he was in the building. We then took a good look at the man we were sitting next to: yes, it was Mayor Schaefer. He was very gracious and talked to us for some time.. and didn't even ask us to leave his bench.
Another time, I went to the Engineers Club building in Mount Vernon Square, Baltimore to attend a Computer Users meeting. It was my first time attending. The Engineers Club building is a wonderful mansion with an atrium, massive staircases, marvelous statues, etc. I was met at the door by an elegantly attired doorman. He bowed and asked me if I was there for the "function." I assumed he meant "meeting", so I said "yes." He gave me directions on how to get to the "function."
I ascended one of the massive staircases, walked past the marvelous statues and arrived at a group of people filing past an enormous buffet, with food that I had rarely seen in my lifetime. I thought: "These Computer Users really know how to put on a spread!" .. and I helped myself.
As I began to eat, I noticed that some of my fellow buffet mates looked quite familiar... especially one of them: Mayor Schaefer. I also noted several people whose faces I recognised from the newspaper and television. Some of them even shook my hand and said "Hello." (I did have a nice suit and tie on.) Eventually it dawned on me that I was at the wrong "function", and slipped slowly downstairs (but not before I finished my caviar!) I found my meeting group in the building's basement.
I always thought that Mr. Schaefer was a great mayor. One of the things that I liked about him I have already written about, but I think it bears repeating. Whenever someone would call him directly about a problem (and he sometimes had an open phone) he would handle the problem as in this example: Someone called and said there was a giant pothole in front of their house. Mayor Schaefer called his maintenance people in and said: "Fill in the pothole." But, he would not tell them where it was. !
Once, when Mr. Schaefer was between jobs, he was honored by the Toastmasters organization. At the ceremony, Mr. Schaefer said that it was the first time that he was on his own.. for years he had been chaufered here and there and other people bought his food for him and shopped for clothes for him, now he had to do it himself, and he recounted his experiences in a Super Market, where he had not been for many many years. He gave a funny account of how he interacted with the conveyor belt and scanner .. and how he learned how to pay for things with a credit card. He is a very entertaining speaker.
I hope that Governor Schaefer has many more years ahead of him.
I believe a joke is in the "public domain" unless someone can prove that they are the only one who ever thought of and developed it. I emcee'd the annual Senior Citizens Banquet for several years when it took place in Union Bridge, Maryland. One year, as part of my duties, I told four elaborate jokes with senior citizen themes. The audience seemed to enjoy them.
An hour later, the entertainer arrived. A gentleman who was, in effect, a "one man band", and in between sets told jokes. Guess what... his four jokes were the same jokes that I had just told. Coming in late, he, of course, did not know what I had said, and I didn't own the jokes. (The audience enjoyed them for a second time.)
In case you were not at the May 2009 AARP meeting, this is my monthly joke:
A guy was hurrying to get to a cafe before "Happy Hour" ended. There were no parking places to be had. As he drove around and around, he got very frustrated and decided to pray for help.
"Lord, if you find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday for a whole year!"
He drove around some more.. still no parking place. So he prayed again:
"Lord, if you find me a parking place, I will also say the Rosary every night for a year!"
Still no space.. but then, all of a sudden, a car drove away and a nice wide space opened up. The man prayed again:
"Lord, never mind. I found one on my own!"
FISH: The Carroll County Times (Maryland) had a couple of remarkable pictures of giant carp "waddling" through shallow water foraging for food. The carp are half in and half out of the water. Is this evolution in action? ;0)
I'm reminded of the time one of my kids let the water in the goldfish bowl get so low that the poor fish was half in and half out, just like the carp. (Thankfully, that kid is now grown up and is a fantastic caring person for all kinds of creatures.)
Years ago, when my kids were very young, and gas was cheap, we would go on Sunday drives. One of the favorite places we would like to go to was the Loch Raven Reservoir where giant carp resided. We would take a couple of loaves of bread and the kids would have a ball feeding these voracious fish. I wonder if they remember this. (The kids, not the fish.)
MOTHER'S Day: The burning question: Does an apostrophe come before or after the S?
Just a reminder. We should all remember our mothers every day of the year, but especially on the one that is set aside for that purpose. By the looks of the traffic yesterday at the local mall, lots of people are doing their duty.
WILLIAM DONALD SCHAEFER:
I read that former Governor Schaefer has, at 87, just received a pacemaker. I hope that this device allows him to have many more years of life.
I'm told that he now resides in Charlestown, a local continuing care community in an historic Baltimore setting. I have several friends who reside there as well, and they seem to enjoy it.
Once, many years ago, my late wife and I were visiting Baltimore's Harbor Place. After a lot of walking, we sat down on a large bench in one of the buildings to rest, next to an older man. As we sat there, we noticed a sign over the bench that said that the bench was reserved for Mayor (at the time) Schaefer whenever he was in the building. We then took a good look at the man we were sitting next to: yes, it was Mayor Schaefer. He was very gracious and talked to us for some time.. and didn't even ask us to leave his bench.
Another time, I went to the Engineers Club building in Mount Vernon Square, Baltimore to attend a Computer Users meeting. It was my first time attending. The Engineers Club building is a wonderful mansion with an atrium, massive staircases, marvelous statues, etc. I was met at the door by an elegantly attired doorman. He bowed and asked me if I was there for the "function." I assumed he meant "meeting", so I said "yes." He gave me directions on how to get to the "function."
I ascended one of the massive staircases, walked past the marvelous statues and arrived at a group of people filing past an enormous buffet, with food that I had rarely seen in my lifetime. I thought: "These Computer Users really know how to put on a spread!" .. and I helped myself.
As I began to eat, I noticed that some of my fellow buffet mates looked quite familiar... especially one of them: Mayor Schaefer. I also noted several people whose faces I recognised from the newspaper and television. Some of them even shook my hand and said "Hello." (I did have a nice suit and tie on.) Eventually it dawned on me that I was at the wrong "function", and slipped slowly downstairs (but not before I finished my caviar!) I found my meeting group in the building's basement.
I always thought that Mr. Schaefer was a great mayor. One of the things that I liked about him I have already written about, but I think it bears repeating. Whenever someone would call him directly about a problem (and he sometimes had an open phone) he would handle the problem as in this example: Someone called and said there was a giant pothole in front of their house. Mayor Schaefer called his maintenance people in and said: "Fill in the pothole." But, he would not tell them where it was. !
Once, when Mr. Schaefer was between jobs, he was honored by the Toastmasters organization. At the ceremony, Mr. Schaefer said that it was the first time that he was on his own.. for years he had been chaufered here and there and other people bought his food for him and shopped for clothes for him, now he had to do it himself, and he recounted his experiences in a Super Market, where he had not been for many many years. He gave a funny account of how he interacted with the conveyor belt and scanner .. and how he learned how to pay for things with a credit card. He is a very entertaining speaker.
I hope that Governor Schaefer has many more years ahead of him.
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