Showing posts with label secret service. Show all posts
Showing posts with label secret service. Show all posts

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Secret Service, Presidents, and Me

CSPAN aired an interview this morning with Ronald Kessler about his recent book: In The President's Secret Service. I will give you a few "bites" from the interview.

1. The Secret Service.

It sounded as though Mr Kessler feels that the management of the Secret Service is too old fashioned to run such an important function.

The first female agents appeared in 1971 and there now are over 300. The public doesn't see many of them, because it might be too distracting to see women hovering around the President as he speaks. Female agents watched over President Bush' daughters and wore jeans so they would look like teenagers.

Secret Service agents know that they must protect the President and his family at all times and even take assassins' bullets aimed at their charges.

I was interviewed for a job with the Secret Service. I'll mention that in part 3 of this entry.

2. The Presidents (and the Secret Service)

These are some items that the author mentioned about the Presidents and their interaction with their protectors that I found interesting:

George W. Bush' first Secret Service name was "Tumbler"... however, he had it changed to "Trailblazer" instead, because he thought that "Tumbler" was too related to drinking.

Dick Cheney had his name changed to "Angler" because he liked to fish. (I think it is more appropriate because of the word's other meaning.)

President Carter refused to even say "Hello" to his protectors. In fact, it sounded to me that he was rather "nasty" to them. Supposedly, to look more Presidential, he carried an empty brief case when he went on trips.

Presidents Reagan, Bush (x2), Clinton and Obama have all been friendly to their protectors and sometimes Secret Service guys have been invited to private functions at the White House.

Jenna Bush often raced her car off at high speeds to escape her protectors.

Threats to President Obama are up 400% since he took office and most of them are based on race.

President Johnson liked to parade around naked in front of family, friends and protectors. He also was known to urinate in front of female interviewers.

President Kennedy opted not to use a bubble top car in Dallas because the bubble was not completely bullet-proof. However, it could have at least deflected a bullet.

President Lincoln wanted no protection at all, even though the Civil War was raging. What would have happened if he had allowed agents to watch over him?

3. My Connection to the Secret Service

After my graduation from Boston University, a job with the National Security Agency fell through and I applied for a job with the Secret Service. I passed a test and was later interviewed by two guys from that Office. They spent a long time with me, and at what I thought was the end, they welcomed me into the Government. However, just as I was about to leave, one of them told me to wait and said that they had forgotten to ask me one question.

The question was: Have you ever done anything you are ashamed of?

One of my many jobs while I went to Boston University was with a telemarketing firm, where a group of us went through the Boston phone book calling people with offers of special coupons. After we talked on the phone, we would visit the people and sell them coupon booklets. Some of the people I visited were disabled and could not take advantage of the coupons, which, for the most part were "come ons". I became disgusted with the job and quit.

I told the Secret Service guys this and they left the room for thirty minutes to discuss my answer. When they came back, they said that based on my answer they could not offer me the job. I have always wondered what kind of career I would have had if I had become one of their agents.

My only other interface with the Secret Service was a couple of years ago when Elaine and I went on a visit to the White House. Because of a knee operation, Elaine had to use a White House wheel chair. Since the wheel chair could not manage the high stairs, and because the main elevator was loaded, an agent allowed us to go to the next floor by using an elevator in the kitchen... this was not normally allowed. It was quite an experience to see how the chefs worked and I'm sure they thought that we were visiting dignitaries.

Later in the tour, I happened to glance out one of the windows to see a group of nattily dressed Secret Service guys wrestling a scruffy looking interloper to the ground. Very interesting.

Once, when President Johnson visited the Social Security Administration in Woodlawn, the whole staff relocated to the outside where we sat in wooden chairs in the middle of dirt lanes that had been quickly painted green to look like grass. When the President arrived, he was surrounded by what seemed to be hundreds of Secret Service guys. They all appeared to be six feet nine and 300 pounds and all (every single one of them) wore grouchy looks and as a disguise each had a big bright yellow flower sticking through the lapel of their black suit. (How the hell would I have ever fit into that group?)

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Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Do you remember Ralph?

How many of you rcall the famous "wits" connected with the Baltimore Sun? Probably the most famous was H.L. Mencken, an amazing critic of almost everything and an amusing and exciting author. But who can remember another "wit" named Ralph Reppert? For years, Ralph wrote humorous columns for the Sunday sun.. they were like some blogs of today, observations on everyday life.

One Sunday, before I'm sure you were born... November 2, 1964 to be exact, I retrieved my Baltimore Sunpaper from the bushes on the side of my house, grabbed my cup of coffee and began to read. The National news was kind of depressing, as usual, and the local news had the following headlines: Three Boys held in Break-in Try; "Surfers" keep Hospitals busy; Campaign ends amid Charges; Baby, three Others hurt in Crash on Route 175; $7,600 Bail set in Assault; Train Crash kills 39; Man reported shot on Dare; Two Pikesville Homes looted; Burglers take $85 at Service Station; etc

As you see, things have not changed very much in 44 years, perhaps just the money amounts.

In spite of the depressing news, I knew that one could always get a chuckle from the column written by Ralph Reppert (probably an alias), so I left the bad stuff and turned to Ralph's "blog".

Ralph wrote about a trip in a cab where the driver asked him the way to go. Ralph felt like saying: "How the devil do I know.. this is your business, not mine!" But being kind of a "Caspar Milktoast" (sp?) he just asked to be let off and got to his destination another way.

When Ralph went to a barber, he was asked how he wanted it cut. Ralph felt like saying: "If I knew how to cut my own hair, I would do it myself!" But instead, he said: "The usual."

Ralph was upset that people you spend money with now make you do all the work. In the old days all a grocery store customer had to do for himself was "color his own margarine".. now, you have to pick out your own groceries, "fish your own pickle out of a barrel", ... and often, the check-out clerk picks up things from your order and asks you: "How much was this, Hon?"

Upset, but true to his nature as a "human marshmallow", Ralph would obediently trot to the shelf, get the price, and trot back to the checkout. Then, he would have to carry his groceries out to his car unassisted (not like the old days.) And then, he would have to push the cart back to the line in front of the store.

Ralph also bemoaned the fact that when you order something now, like a lawnmower or a piece of furniture, you get a box of unassembled pieces.

When Ralph called up a service man, like a plumber or an electrician, they would always ask: "What is the problem?" That's what I want to know, says Ralph.

Ralph also bemoaned the price that service people charge for "knowing what needs fixing." (Like in the old story: A service man comes out to fix a furnace, hits the furnace with a hammer and hands the owner a bill for $505. The owner asks why it costs so much just to hit a furnace with a hammer, and the service man says: "It costs $5 for the hit, and $500 for knowing where to hit.")

Ralph also: counted his own shirts at the laundry, located his own books in the library, carried his own cans of paint in the hardware store, dialed his own long-distance telephone calls, etc.

The last straw for Ralph was when he bought a parakeet and waited for it to speak. After two weeks he called the pet store and they told him that HE had to teach the bird how to talk.

Young people may wonder why we old-timers thought Ralph's musings were humorous, but those of us who had lived in both worlds knew Ralph's feelings, and identified with them. When we were young, service people provided "service", suddenly, we had to do a lot of this "service" for ourselves. We found that very frustrating, and needed to laugh at it all to keep sane.

I wonder whatever happened to old Ralph.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Tests

Do you like to do tests? I do, and thanks in part to my Grandfather's coaching, I'm pretty good at them. Puzzles and tests.. they are a lot alike. Most Americans took an IQ test when they were in the 4th grade. Lots of companies give IQ-like tests before hiring employees. I've mentioned before that I was tested for my Social Security Administration job in Baltimore by being asked two questions: What do you think of the Orioles? What do you think of the Colts? Luckily, I liked birds and horses and they hired me.

When I tell this, people start to say "that's just like the Government!" And then I have to confess that in order to have the Social Security job, I also had to pass the FSEE (Federal Service Entrance Examination) and the O+M test. The O+M test (Organization and Management) was a tough test in which you were given theoretical problem situations and asked what you would do in such situations. The test was very easy for me once I had this "brain storm". Who was the top manager in the US? Of course, it was the President, and at that time it was Lyndon Johnson. So, all I had to do was ask myself "What would LBJ do in this situation?" That was the answer I chose, and I "Ace'd" the test.

Prior to getting the Social Security job, I tested for several other Government jobs. One test was called the "Foreign Service Entrance Examination". It consisted of several parts. I passed the general test, the French language test and the German test, but I completely screwed up the Geography test. This was a test where you were shown a map where the wording had been removed. You were supposed to figure out what part of the world the map represented. I had no clue. But, as I looked around the room I noticed that my fellow test takers were busily filling in their answers, without my look of panic on any of the faces. I later found out that some frat houses at Yale and Harvard conducted classes on these types of tests. This is, of course, perfectly legal.. I just was too dumb to find out what type of questions were going to be used on the test.

A similar test was given for the Secret Service. I passed all parts of the test and was told I had the job if I answered just one vital question. "Are you ashamed of any job you have ever had?" Like a jerk, I told them about one of the jobs I had while attending Boston University. I did telemarketing phone calls and talked some people into paying for entertainment that they probably didn't need and couldn't afford. I only had the job for a short time and got disgusted and quit. The Secret Service guys said that this was enough to disqualify me for the job.

Prior to my senior year at Boston University, I took a test for NSA (National Security Agency). I passed it and the interviewer said that the job was mine. When I asked if I could finish my degree work, he was surprized and thought that I had already graduated. However, he gave me his official NSA card and told me to call him on the day that I graduated and the job would be waiting for me. Accordingly, on the day that I graduated, I called the number on the card and asked to talk to him. "Nobody by that name works here." No matter what I did, I could not find anyone who had a record of my having been tested, interviewed, or promised a job. This was very disappointing to me because the type of work that NSA does is the type of work I had been trained to do.

IQ testing has also played an important part in my life and I would like to talk about that subject in another blog because what I say may shock you a bit.