Even though we are overwhelmed with sadness over the loss of life in Haiti and are doing what we can to alleviate the suffering there, we still need a slight break to think about some humorous (perhaps) or at least weird things that could be learned this week from various news sources. Let's see if I can come up with one dozen.
(Incidentally, I will be interviewed by a newspaper reporter shortly about this blog and others that I write. .. actually, everything I do since I lost 3 or 4 inches in height is done "shortly".)
01. It has been determined that hamsters who imbibe alcohol suffer hangovers the next morning. (It might be better to feed them marijuana instead...?)
02. Analyst Jose Grenado has written about some things that we have suspected for a while:
a. Googling sharpens the mind. (What about FB and Twitter?)
b. Swearing helps you alleviate pain. (What did I tell you, Elaine)
c. Doodling while in a meeting helps you keep up your interest in what is being said.
03. Water has been found on the moon. (What about the cheese that my nursery rhymes talked about?)
04. Andre the Giant once drank 106 beers in a six hour period.
05. Sarah Palin was asked once more which "founding father" was her favorite. Once again she answered: "All of them."
06. An 8-year old cub scout who travels frequently by plane, has been frisked every time since he was 2 years old. Apparently, his name matches one on the security risk list.
07. Nevada now allows male prostitution. (At least, they have made it legal.)
08. A tall cross is about to be built for a Florida church by a communications company. It will double as a cell phone tower.
09. There is a fight for the Massachusetts Senate seat of the late Ted Kennedy. Scott Brown, one of the candidates once posed naked as a Cosmopolitan centerfold, at least that was what I heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, and they have never lied to me before.
10. The clever Dutch have created meat using cells from a live pig.
11. A British man solved the Rubik's Cube after 26 years of trying. (When they first came out, I handed one to my son to look at. He handed it back to me in 5 minutes, solved. He's got good genes!)
12. A Polish woman is suing a hotel for causing her daughter to get pregnant while swimming in their pool. She is blaming the pregnancy on stray sperm floating in the water.
Please remember that I do not vouch for any of the items above.. I'm sure some of them are true. For more information, you can "google".. and "googling" helps your brain, as Jose G. says.
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Showing posts with label swearing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label swearing. Show all posts
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Sunday, November 22, 2009
That's funny...
Listening to the Sunday radio news, I noticed that Oprah's plan to quit her popular show in 2011 was mentioned earlier than the Senate news on Health Care Reform.... Some of us remember her when she was on Baltimore TV.. she has indeed "come a long way, baby!" She is, of course, . a multi-billionaire, and stands to increase her wealth with her new Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN).
I think that it would be wonderful for the people of the world if she and Bill Gates would each donate one billion dollars of their wealth to stem cell research. Perhaps they could fund some million dollar prizes to be given to the first scientists to make breakthroughs in that area. (Although maybe that would be duplicating a Nobel prize... Well then, how about a billion dollar prize to the scientist who shows the first practical application of stem cell methodology to breast cancer?)
Oprah has a dignified manner of speaking, and does not "trash talk" like some other communicators.
Sometimes, while listening to XM radio, I accidently switch to the channel that bills itself as a "laugh" channel, but which has "comedians" who think that every other word should be a vulgarism. What has that to do with humor? XM Channel 151 is my choice for a true "laugh" channel. The real comedians, who don' t have to rely on vulgarisms to be funny, are heard on that channel.
A little risque humor is fine, and "double entendres" are fun, and ordinary, old fashioned cuss words don't seem to detract from intelligent jokes. But "jokes" that rely on the use of "naughty" words that the "jokester" thinks will get a laugh, fall flat, in my opinion. The only comedian who got away with the use of vulgarisms in his routine was Redd Foxx.. but when you listened to him, you knew that he was being satiric in his usage.. and, as those of us who loved his TV show, he could be hilarious without the vulgarity.
I've told this story before somewhere in my blogs, but here I go again. Tony, a high school buddy of one of our friends here in Baltimore (Jim) was a comedian who performed in night clubs. Tony was performing in a downtown bar and called Jim to invite him to come down and watch the show. What Tony did not realize was that Jim would bring his wife and me and my wife along with him.
The bar was a sleezy joint that was probably the last place for strippers before they applied for Social Security. Our table was next to the door from which the strippers would emerge and it was a good vantage point to observe the appendix scars, c-section scars and hairy moles of these senior citizens.
Each table was in an alcove so that patrons (and the police) could not observe what was transpiring within. The 3-piece band kept up a sufficiently noisy "bump and grind" sound so that one could also not hear what was transpiring within the alcoves.
Tony was surprised and extremely nervous when he found out that Jim had brought his wife and friends. When his time came to tell his jokes, he decided to clean them up in order not to shock Jim's wife and guests. The audience did not like that.. and the manager began to yell at him from the wings: "Tell the dirty jokes or you're out of here!" We decided that by us being there, we were going to get him fired, so we left.
Jim lost touch with Tony and always wondered what became of him. Maybe he is one of the "performers" on the raunchy XM laugh channel.
Now, I am not a prude.. I think that "damn" and "hell" and mild curse words are great when used for emphasis.. but I do think that the constant use of very strong vulgarisms governs how ordinary people think about you and how you get placed within society and your community. It can also control the kinds of jobs you will be able to have in your life. .So.. save the vulgarisms for when you hit your thumb with a hammer.. or for when you are alone in your car in irritating traffic with the windows rolled up. (Meanwhile, did you hear the one about the two naked ladies and the yard sale?)
...........................................................................................
I think that it would be wonderful for the people of the world if she and Bill Gates would each donate one billion dollars of their wealth to stem cell research. Perhaps they could fund some million dollar prizes to be given to the first scientists to make breakthroughs in that area. (Although maybe that would be duplicating a Nobel prize... Well then, how about a billion dollar prize to the scientist who shows the first practical application of stem cell methodology to breast cancer?)
Oprah has a dignified manner of speaking, and does not "trash talk" like some other communicators.
Sometimes, while listening to XM radio, I accidently switch to the channel that bills itself as a "laugh" channel, but which has "comedians" who think that every other word should be a vulgarism. What has that to do with humor? XM Channel 151 is my choice for a true "laugh" channel. The real comedians, who don' t have to rely on vulgarisms to be funny, are heard on that channel.
A little risque humor is fine, and "double entendres" are fun, and ordinary, old fashioned cuss words don't seem to detract from intelligent jokes. But "jokes" that rely on the use of "naughty" words that the "jokester" thinks will get a laugh, fall flat, in my opinion. The only comedian who got away with the use of vulgarisms in his routine was Redd Foxx.. but when you listened to him, you knew that he was being satiric in his usage.. and, as those of us who loved his TV show, he could be hilarious without the vulgarity.
I've told this story before somewhere in my blogs, but here I go again. Tony, a high school buddy of one of our friends here in Baltimore (Jim) was a comedian who performed in night clubs. Tony was performing in a downtown bar and called Jim to invite him to come down and watch the show. What Tony did not realize was that Jim would bring his wife and me and my wife along with him.
The bar was a sleezy joint that was probably the last place for strippers before they applied for Social Security. Our table was next to the door from which the strippers would emerge and it was a good vantage point to observe the appendix scars, c-section scars and hairy moles of these senior citizens.
Each table was in an alcove so that patrons (and the police) could not observe what was transpiring within. The 3-piece band kept up a sufficiently noisy "bump and grind" sound so that one could also not hear what was transpiring within the alcoves.
Tony was surprised and extremely nervous when he found out that Jim had brought his wife and friends. When his time came to tell his jokes, he decided to clean them up in order not to shock Jim's wife and guests. The audience did not like that.. and the manager began to yell at him from the wings: "Tell the dirty jokes or you're out of here!" We decided that by us being there, we were going to get him fired, so we left.
Jim lost touch with Tony and always wondered what became of him. Maybe he is one of the "performers" on the raunchy XM laugh channel.
Now, I am not a prude.. I think that "damn" and "hell" and mild curse words are great when used for emphasis.. but I do think that the constant use of very strong vulgarisms governs how ordinary people think about you and how you get placed within society and your community. It can also control the kinds of jobs you will be able to have in your life. .So.. save the vulgarisms for when you hit your thumb with a hammer.. or for when you are alone in your car in irritating traffic with the windows rolled up. (Meanwhile, did you hear the one about the two naked ladies and the yard sale?)
...........................................................................................
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