Words!

This is the 40th anniversary of my membership in the National Puzzlers League and also in the American Cryptogram Association. Over these four decades, I have increased my knowledge of many types of puzzles and ciphers. However, I still am nowhere being the expert I expected to be when I joined these organizations in 1971. I still have a lot to learn.

Although I am still a word novice, let me discuss a few "word" subjects with you.



01. New Words: AARP has listed words that were new in 2010. Here are a few:



bargainous = costing less than expected



bromance = close platonic male friendship



lovacore = one who primarily eats locally grown food



matchy-matchy = excessively color coordinated



webisode = episode or short film made for viewing online



staycation = vacation spent at home



turducken = roast of a chicken inside a duck, inside a turkey



own = to utterly defeat or humiliate



cheeseball = lacking taste or style



chillax = to calm down and relax



02. Metaphors.. from Raymond Chandler, via Harpers.

As cute as a washtub.

As much sex appeal as a turtle.

As clean as an angel's neck.

A face like a collapsed lung.

A mouth like a wilted lettuce.

A nose like a straphanger's elbow.

03: Words in common:

See if you can figure out what these words (from Jack Kolb) have in common:

banana
dresser
grammar
potato
revive
uneven
assess

Give up? Check the answer at the end below.

04. Euphemisms.. from George Carlin.

toilet paper.. becomes bathroom tissue
loafers.. become slip-ons
toupees.. become hair appliances or hair replacement systems
false teeth.. become dental appliances
dashboards.. become instrument panels
dump.. becomes landfill
buckteeth.. becomes overbite
hair spray.. becomes holding mist
constipation.. becomes occasional irregularity
diarrhea.. becomes lower gastric distress

George Carlin showed us hundreds of euphemisms for everyday things.. he was a master with the English language.

05. Puzzledom: In the world of puzzles, I am called AHAB and my brother Joe is called ISHMAEL. (Check out Moby Dick by Herman Melville.) Ishmael is a much better puzzler than Ahab. I have puzzles from him that I haven't solved in over twenty years. I'm still trying.

06. Life lesson words: When my son, Chris, was young, I gave him a phrase to think about. "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." I wanted him to realize that if he studied hard and /learned more than the "other guys" he would definitely succeed in life.

I was pleasantly surprized a year later when my son presented me with a desk plaque that read:
"Joe Vaughan, One-Eyed King" I cherished this plaque for many years at the Social Security Administration, and it was a constant source of discussion by visitors to my office.

George Carlin has a euphemism for this phrase also: "In the kingdom of the visually impaired, the partially-sighted person is fully empowered." Doesn't have the same zing, does it?

07. The Rev and his words: In my last blog, I mentioned that I would like to be able to see programs from the 1980's involving Reverend Ike... I said that I did not know how to find such shows. Well, I should have guessed, my brother, Joe told me how to get to see them. I can't wait.

08. LOVE words! I started to review a vhs tape from 1986 that had the title Buscalia on the label. It is a tape of Channel 67 (Maryland Public Television) showing Felice Leo Buscalia interacting with an audience of admirers at Towson State University (Maryland). Mr. Buscalia was the acknowledged expert on the subject of love.. he loved to be hugged and hugged anybody he could get his hands on.

He had lots of stories to illustrate LOVE. In one of them, he talked about an old philosopher he once met. He asked the philosopher about the difference between heaven and hell. The old man gave the following definitions:

In hell, there are beautiful tables filled with wonderful food and delicious desserts. But.. all of the people are starving to death. Why? Because they are required to use 4-foot long forks to eat with.. and the forks are too long to allow them to get food to their mouths.

But.. In heaven, there are also beautiful tables filled with wonderful food and delicious desserts. And.. all of the people are happy and healthy. Why? Because although they also are required to use 4-foot long forks to eat with... they know that they can eat very well by feeding each other. (A loving response.)

09. Huh? Harper's magazine makes this statement in its Findings listing: "Particle physicists were optimistic about the possiblity of creating something out of nothing, because nothing is actually something.""

10. Last Words: The Week Magazine reports that Ohio has imposed a time limit on the last words of condemned prisoners. This came about because one murderer apologized and recited the "Hail Mary" for 17 minutes before his execution.

11. Canadian Words: Canadians are squeemish about killing Canada geese because of their name. Most people think that the Canadian Goose (actually "cackling goose") is their national bird. Each of these birds deposits two pounds of poop per day. Think about that.

Hundreds of Canadian geese have taken up residence at the Social Security Administration in Woodlawn, Maryland and it is difficult to walk on the sidwalks without stepping in goose poop. Every day, water is sprayed on the sidewalks to clear them off; however, as far as I can see, it isn't that effective.

12. Words of Wisdom about Education: (as reported by Jon Winokur in Funny Times)

"If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they never would have found time to conquer the world." Heinrich Heine

"I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education." Wilson Mizner

"I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal eduction." Tallulah Bankhead

"It is only when we forget all our learning that we begin to know." Henry David Thoreau

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Answer to #03 above: For all of the words shown, take the first letter, put it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards. It will be the same word that you started with!
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A great day! My Dell laptop is back and even though Dell said they had to fix four problems, they retained my files and a cd-rom stuck in the drive. Also, the Dow is headed back up to 9,000!

Today I go to get a Shingles shot. Quite expensive, but those of us who had Chicken Pox as kids are susceptible to Shingles as we get older. This is an extremely painful disease. I can still remember my Grandfather suffering with the pain for almost a year. Sometimes the pain can last for the rest of one's life. (One of my friends is suffering from Shingles right now and as an empath I can feel her excrutiating pain whenever I talk to her.) I am the Shingles Shot Guinea Pig.. if I don't have side-effects from the shot, maybe Elaine will get it.

For years I have toyed with the idea of writing a book about some of my experiences. (yes.. I have had some experiences, you disbelievers) At the moment, the plan is to just write about my experiences in the Baltimore area.. from arrival in the city, to entry into Carroll Lutheran Village.. with emphasis on my time at the Social Security Administration. Also, lots of family stuff to help future Vaughan genealogists. It will probably be the most boring book ever written, but what the hell!

In the "Genealogy Gang" that meets in the Village, each of us has made a presentation about their life. We had about 45 minutes to an hour to do so. My time ran to over an hour, and I never did get past the years before I entered the Air Force. So you see, I have a lot to talk about.. now, whether it is interesting or not.. that is another story. If I get another chance to talk to the group, I will cover my time in the service, then my time in Boston, at the University and in the 38 jobs that I held while in school, and then the Baltimore part. (I may have to supply pillows for nodding heads.)

With my laptop back, I once again have access to a Dell home page, which I like because I can set up views of the titles of email from 8 of my email addresses and also have instant access to my MSN account. Now I have a universe of about 900 messages to look at. I do notice that the old "bugaboo" is back... that is, some of my dear and trusted friends and relatives are starting to forward to me erroneous and vicious "garbage" messages. (I thought that this all ended when 2009 started.) I wish that the people who forward this stuff would analyse what the messages say. Is it showing an underlying prejudice against some group or race or type of person? I now do not open forwarded messages unless the title clearly states that it is not "dumb" stuff. I just ask that those who want to forward such dribble, THINK first.

I have a subscription to what is now XM/SERIUS (sp?) and I listen to it when I am driving. Usually I just listen to XM 151 (Laugh USA) which is a "clean joke" station, and as I have said many times before, if you have to stick some scatalogical thought or phrase into your joke to try to get a laugh from a person with an 11 year old mentality, you are not a real comedian. Yesterday, I switched to some of the talk shows and was completely grossed out by some of the lies being spewed by a couple of these guys. Come on! Do you really think that Americans are so dumb as to believe any of this crap? .... But... sadly, as evidenced by the comments of some of the people who called in to CSPAN this morning... some Americans do believe these lies, when just a small amount of checking, even on the Internet, would show them the truth.

Good news for readers. Barnes and Noble has announced that they have 700,000 books that can now be downloaded to iPHONES or iPOD Touch, and next year they will be coming out with an e-reader. Amazon's Kindle has access to only 300,000. Now, if only we could download some of those books directly to our brains so that it will not be necessary to take all that time to read them. ;0)

I have always thought that I would much rather have a nice paper book to hold and read rather than a computer screen to look at. But recently I went out to the site where you can read Moby Dick online. In my library, because I am a cetology cukoo, I have five different editions of Moby Dick, probably one of my favorite reads. I was able to read all of Chapter One again, but on my PC screen and it was wonderful. The print was large and easy on the eyes and I enjoyed traveling back to New Bedford again with my "brother" Ishmael.

Speaking of Ishmael.. my brother Joe and I are email pals again and I am enjoying his stories of youthful activity. He's an interesting guy, if I do say so myself.

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