More Foolishness

01. Insight: I know that some people do read blogs like mine.. especially in Japan where some entries are used to facilitate English lessons, or at least that is what I have been told through some emails I have received and from the large number of Japanese comments posted to one of my blogs.This reminds me of a "life lesson" from when I was in the eighth grade:

I had been working hard to build my muscles through weight lifting for a couple of years, but I had overheard some girls saying that guys with large muscles looked ugly. That bothered me for some time, until I visited one of my friends' girl friend's home.. on her bedroom wall, she had posted large pictures of weightlifters and bodybuilders flexing their massive muscles. She and her two girlfriends were "oohing" and "aahing" over the pictures. That is when I gained my insight:

As the song goes: "Some girls don't like boys like me...... ahhh! but some girls do!"

02. Bad taste: Doctors have reported that Pine Nut Syndrome is with us again. This occurs to certain people who eat too many pine nuts. Somehow, their tastebuds are screwed up and they have a tinny taste in their mouths for up to six months. I love to eat pine nuts but have not yet experienced bad taste.. at least not in my mouth.

03. Immigration: Harpers reports that almost 400,000 immigrants have been deported from the US during President Obama's first year in office. (Did you read that, Lou Dobbs?)

04. Super tool: I received an ad for a "pocket saw" that supposedly can cut through any substance known to man. It folds up like a jack knife and can be put into one's pocket, and apparently remain undetected until needed for tasks like decapitation.

05. Itching to know? I read about a site where you can find out about possible infestation in your New York City hotel. http://www.bedbugregistry.com/

06. Cut it out, Imam! In a move that will cause the hairs to rise on the back of your neck, Iran has banned the Mullet haircut. At last Iran has done something I can agree with. http://hubpages.com/hub/Mullet-Haircuts

07. Finally! British researchers have determined that the chicken came before the egg, based on scientific examination of egg shell material! (Now, where the devil did the chicken come from?)

08. Funny phrase: Yesterday I heard a lady tell her friend: "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in a month of Sundays." (Does anyone know where that phrase comes from? I'll bet my brother Joe does.)

09. Wino test: NPR reports that Harrisburg, Pennsylvania is testing a wine buying set up for supermarkets. One accesses a video hookup in a kiosk and a person remotely checks the personal information that you supply (name and date of birth at least) and then, if you are who you say you are, and over 21, you are asked to breathe into a tube and undergo a check to make sure you are not already drunk. Once you pass all these tests, you can open the door and extract wine that is priced from $6 to $22. (Apparently, they are selling 80 bottles a day through the kiosk.)

Just think of the possibilities for the police from this set up. But probably not for homeland security folks, because terrorists may not drink alcohol.

10. Cat burgler. A family has reported that their cat has come home with stolen underwear every night for a while. So far, the feline felon has copped 79 pair of undies.

11. Watchit! Along that line.. I received an ad for "grab and go" underwear. I would be afraid to wear such things. (I guess maybe the above mentioned cat got her thievery idea from this ad.)

12. Button up! Another British study has determined that people with high belly buttons are better at sports because they have a higher center of gravity. (I wonder whose bellies they examined. Did they check out belly-dancers? Pot bellies? Innies or outies? Beer bellies? Pregnant bellies?)

Christmas Shopping 2009

The recession must be over.. the stores are crowded with customers.. at least in Westminster, Maryland. Elaine and I set out tonight about 5 pm for Christmas shopping. We started at Belk's Department Store.. after that, we would be going to Boscov's and then Lowe's.

Belk's is a funny store. It is shaped like a pentagon.. with three outside entrances. About eight years ago, I went to Belk's to buy something or other. Afterwards, I came outside and my car was gone. I was very upset and about to call the police when a guy came over to help me. He asked me "What entrance did you come in?" "Huh! Is there more than one entrance?" Needless to say, I came in one entrance, and went out a different entrance.. so naturally, my car was not near where I came out. When I got my brain in gear, I found my car.

Belk's has a central core, where stinky perfume is sold. I have to steer Elaine away from that spot or she douses herself with scent samples.

Tonight, as we entered the store, Elaine busied herself in trying to find tree ornaments with relative's names. I figured (correctly) that this would take some time, so I wandered off and found some sweaters that I had been looking for. I was proud of myself. XL is now my sweater size, and I picked two good looking ones. When I showed them to Elaine, she said that I should look some more.

I found some very nice looking dark jackets. Years ago, when I lifted weights, I tried to bulk up to a 50 inch chest. I never made it. One of the jackets here was size 48... but when I tried it on... it was too tight!!

So, I tried on a 50... It fit my chest, but my arms looked like a gorilla's as he walks on his knuckles. So, I forgot the jacket. However, there was a size 48 vest that seemed to fit. I tried a nice blue sweater, but it looked like I was about to give birth. I did settle on a black and a dark blue one, because when the light is dim, nobody should be able to see my pot belly. The labels on these sweaters were obviously mis-labeled as XXL.

Meanwhile, Elaine saw some slippers she liked. A black pair was listed as SMALL and they fit perfectly. Out of the remaining 200 pairs of slippers, not another one was listed as SMALL. Because she felt she needed two pair, she settled on a beige (see, men know some colors) MEDIUM Pair. These slippers look like sharpei dogs.. all wrinkled up. But, they will be nice and warm for her this Winter.

Nearby was the Alfred Dunner petite section, and Elaine loves Alfred, so she had to take a little time to check out the new stuff. Normally, where Alfred Dunner stuff is placed, a chair is also placed for tired husbands and boyfriends. Belk's did not have a chair this evening. My thigh and leg were already asleep and I was in agony for what felt like ten hours, but was probably 30 minutes. Elaine bought a nice pair of slacks and now we were ready to check out and go on to our next store.

At the checkout counter, we met a lady who did African hedgehog rescue. Apparently, people buy these exotic pets and then dump them when they get tired of caring for them. So, this lady rescues them.. and keeps them. Right now she has eleven and is looking for more.

These creatures live for 5 years and one gets very much attached to them. They are very cuddly. At night, this lady lays on a couch to watch TV and the hedgehogs climb onto her body and watch TV too. When she nods off, some of them get loose and wander through the house, getting in trouble.

We talked with this lady for a long time and eventually paid our bill and left the building. It was 7 pm and it was COLD. So, since we were worn out, cold, and tired, we decided to see the Colonel, get some grilled chicken and head for our warm little house. We didn't get any Christmas shopping done tonight, but we had a lot of fun.
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