Life goes on.

As I have mentioned already on Facebook, our good friend for many years, Jack Kolb, passed away this week.  Even though we knew he had been ailing, this came as a great shock.  We will be honoring him in several ways, in the near future.

Jack would have wanted us to continue with the things we normally do, so I'll do some blog entries once again.  (Incidentally, I am beginning to get lots of comments from readers in the United States.  I still continue to get comments from Asia on a regular basis.)

Welcome to the world, Luka Nebraska!

01.  The Rapture.

We're still waiting.

02.  Priorities.

Children selling lemonade near the current Golf Extravaganza were about to be fined for operating an unlicensed business.  When someone pointed out that local homeowners in the same area were renting their driveways to contestants for up to $500, the "lemonade stand prosecutors" relented and let the children continue, but to save face, they insisted that the kids move their stand a bit farther from the action.   (The kids plan to donate their proceeds to charity.)

03.  Church and State?

A lady arranged to conduct a class at a local senior center with the title:  "The Study of Man."  It was advertised, I'm told, to be a history class.  It was actually a Bible study class and was shut down for a short time, because it was felt that a religious session was inappropriate at a Government-run facility.  However, upon a closer reading of rules and regulations, it was deemed to be ok for the group to continue.   To my surprise, I have not seen any letters to the local newspaper about this issue.

04.  Church and School?

A member of the North Carolina Church of Body Modification has won a legal battle to wear a nose stud to a local High School.  The school folks decided to give in to the demands to avoid wasting money on a legal fight. 

What is this desire to mutilate oneself?  Members of my family also engage in this practise, and I really can't complain, because they are all nice persons.  If they do this to make themselves look different, I would say that in so doing, they now look like lots and lots of other people. 

I'm guilty as well, since I have a tatoo.  But my excuse was that I was drunk when I had it put on. 

I started shaving when I was eleven years old, and as a Freshman in High School, I grew sideburns.  Very few other kids were able to grow them.  A couple of years later, as the other kids began to shave, more and more sideburns showed up.  So, I shaved mine off.  You can see that I kept trying to be different. 

Also, for a while, members of one of my gangs wore suit jackets on Sundays.. without any shirts underneath. Sometimes we would knot ties around our necks as well.  Older folks would shake their heads and predict dire futures for us all.

05.  Police are still combing the area...

A thief in Texas stole thousands of dollars worth of human hair from a wiggery.   He concentrated on Remy hair, which comes from the heads of Indian women.  Other thieves, in Michigan and California,  are also targeting hair salons and hair accessory stores..

http://www.inhairco.com/


06.  Ya gotta eat your veggies, baby...

An article in the Social Security Alumni Association newsletter cites the need for fiber in the American diet.  They mention a UCLA study that found that normal-weight people eat about 33% more diettary fiber and 43% more complex carbohydrates than overweight people.  Americans need 25 to 30 grams of fiber per day to remain healthy.  Keep count of your fiber intake for a couple of days and see if you are eating enough.  Fiber is mainly found in vegetables, fruit, whole grains and nuts.

07.  Church and Military?

During a recent trip to the Gettysburg battlefield, we were directed to a large statue of a female figure with a long noisemaking trumpet pointed from the Confederate lines toward the Union lines.  The guide mentioned that this was supposed to represent Saint Barbara, who is the "saint of artillery"..   the statue was placed there by the State of  Louisiana. My  brother Joe probably knows about it, since he is a Civil War buff.

Check it out! Saint Barbara is blowing a vuvuzela at the Union troops!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/40650647@N03/4669557091/




08.  Happy Talk..

North Korea conducted a happiness study and concluded that North Korea was the second happiest country in the world.  China was first.  Cuba was third.  The United States was dead last. 

09.  Happy Tom:

Bragging time.  We have already eaten 4 red cherry tomatoes grown on our back deck, and we have twenty or so green ones about to turn red.   We get all-day sun on the deck and have lots of pots and four "earthboxes" set up.  I'm more of a successful farmer here on a small deck than I was on my acre and a half "farmstead".   However, I am glad to see the results my daughter, Diane, is having on that piece of land.  Her flowers, especially, are spectacular.   She posts pictures of her flowers on facebook. Now, I will try to post a picture of one of my tomatoes here.

Can you believe it?

Auntie Mame said (paraphrasing): "Life is a banquet, and yet some poor chumps are starving to death!"

This seems especially true to me when I observe the election activity this year. Negativity seems to be a new way of life, and I don't like it at all. We have always had some negative ads, but this is ridiculous. Elaine and I took advantage of early voting and have done our duty, but we still have two weeks to be subjected to mail, telephone, email and tv messages telling us how bad each of the opposite candidates is. (I know that no amount of bad-mouthing will influence my vote and I hope it doesn't influence yours.) So, I would say to these negative people: "Relax! Begin to enjoy this wonderful banquet of a life. Look around you at all the beauty. It's there. When all you do and say is negative, you miss out on so much."

01. Cold feet? The Greenland marathon was run yesterday and won by a lady from Stockholm. I believe the temperature was a balmy 19 degrees, I could be wrong. I heard that one year the race was run in minus ten degree weather. The runners have to be very careful to avoid hidden cracks and crevices and some wear spiked running shoes so they don't slip on the ice.

02. Country Living. We live in a rural county in Maryland where there are many old churches that provide Saturday food fests. For instance, a couple of weeks ago we got carry-out crab cakes from one church. I'm not an expert on crab cakes, but Elaine said they were some of the best she had ever had.

Yesterday, we got carry-out fried oysters from another old country church. They were wonderful.

Soon, bazaar season will be upon us and we will be able to do the rounds of the churches and sample all the goodies here is the "land of pleasant living."

As a person involved with several senior citizen organizations, I get to attend lots of funerals. I make it a point to eulogize many of these persons if I feel that they are not being served well in that regard by clergy or relatives. After these services, there usually is a luncheon put on by the "church ladies". The food is always yummy, and helps to keep sweet memories of the deceased stay with us.

03. Commandments. Recently, I finished listening to a book on tape that I highly recommend. The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs. AJ is an editor at Esquire magazine and is the author of several books, including The Know-It-All, where he recounts his "humble quest to become the smartest person in the world" by reading the Encyclopedia Britanica from A to Z.

I will not try to give a review of AJ's book on tape. My son, Chris, is an author and does much better than I could ever do at book reviews. Suffice it to say, I enjoyed the book on tape so much that I ordered a print copy of the book from Amazon so that I could get the full effect of AJ's scholarship.

Just imagine, finding all of the commandments and suggestions in both the new and old testaments of the Bible and trying to observe them for a whole year. Try the read.. you'll like it.

04. Goats? A book that I recently read was The Men Who Stare at Goats by Jon Ronson and a helper that doesn't get mentioned in the copy of the book that I have. After some delay, the movie based on the book has finally been released. (Did it first have to get US Government approval?)

Since I was in a small way connected with Air Force people who acted similarly to those (real persons) mentioned in the book, I got completely absorbed in the book. Once again, I will not try to give a review of the book. I will tell you that I was able to use one of the techniques mentioned in the book to save my life when surrounded by drunken Army tank drivers in Nuremberg, Germany fifty years ago. Read my book about that one.

05. Happy seniors. Speaking of banquets.. last week, it was my privilege to help set up the induction ceremony for the 2010 members of the Maryland Senior Citizens Hall of Fame. Fifty seniors were honored for doing years of volunteer service to their communities. These inductees had been involved in all kinds of activity that helped their fellow citizens of all ages. It was indeed a happy occasion. No negativity there.

I want to mention one of the inductees and I don't think he would mind. His last name is Vaughn (without the "a"). He brought a group of cheering supporters with him.. 6 tables of them.. 59 ladies! Since we have (almost) the same last name, I asked him to take some of whatever he has that makes him so attractive to women and bottle it for me. (Only kidding, Elaine...)

06. Amazing. Simon Cowell's "Got Talent" franchise now broadcasts in over 30 countries, including China. In Shanghai, the winner was a 23 year old man who plays the piano with his toes! Liiu Wei lives in Beijing and lost his legs at age 10. Parents.. tell this to your reluctant piano playing kids.

07. Parlez-vous? The Associated Press reports that a woman in England speaks English with a French accent even though she has never been in France or studied French. She has a condition known as Foreign Accent Syndrome. There are only a few cases of this around the world. Supposedly, the syndrome appeared suddenly after she had a severe migraine attack.

08. Old friends. Recently, coming back from three weeks at the ocean, I tried to catch up on three weeks of newspapers... including some online from my Massachusetts hometown. Of course, the first thing I checked was the obituaries.

Baltimore Sun: I saw a memorial to the lady who was my secretary for several years at the Social Security Administration in Woodlawn, Maryland.

Letha Alston: a marvelous secretary and good friend who made a big impact on my life. She passed at the age of 66 in 2006..

Letha once gave me a birthday card that said: "You remind me of Chinese Food: Egg Foo Old!"

Letha also was a great supplier of jokes for my stand-up comedy routines: the one I remember best has the punchline: "that's nacho cheese!"

I miss Letha.

New Bedford Standard Times:

David Burr, who died on his 78th birthday.. September 30th, 2010. Dave was a friend at Rodman School in New Bedford, Massachusetts. He was a comedian type kid who always had a joke or a funny tale to tell. He was another influence on my life. RIP

09. Resurrection? Last week in Baltimore, an 89 year old lady was found on the floor of her bathroom. The policemen assumed that she was dead and contacted her son, who made arrangements to donate her body to science.

When the college worker came to get the body, he noticed that the body's arm moved. He checked her pulse, and sure-enough, she was alive.

Baltimore police will get a refresher course in what to check for when an apparently dead body is found. (read Edgar Allen Poe)

10. Another resurrection? A Michigan dog was "put down" by its owner because of a painful spinal condition. The owner put the corpse in the garage to be buried later. The next morning, he found the dog standing up and giving him a dirty look.

11. Stink bugs. Well, the invasion has finally come to Maryland. We have always had some stink bugs, but this is ridiculous. Open the door, they fly in. Squash them, they give off a pungent odor. Some people like the odor. Most don't. SuZee won't eat them. Elaine wants them thrown down the toilet. I usually just pick them up on a paper and throw them out.

The local orchard folks are very upset. These bugs destroy the looks of apples and nobody will buy them, including canners. Farmers can't use the chemicals that could kill them because of environmental hazards. Some want to import Japanese stink-bug predators, but that may become a problem ecologically also. Its a problem that needs to be addressed before next year's crop season.

12. Humor. Those who have XM radio have a great resource for humor. There is a "clean joke" channel. As I've mentioned before.. a true humorist does not have to resort to dirty jokes or cuss words to get a laugh. I am developing a blog for clean jokes that I have accumulated for almost fifty years... visit: http://joevaughansjokes.blogspot.com/

((I apologize, George Carlin!))

Enjoy the banquet!

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