This has been an interesting week. Let me tell you about puzzledom, funeraldom, and weird newsdom. (In between times, I have to interupt to hear La Traviata from the Met on WBJC.)
01. Puzzles:
Yesterday, I got a chance to give a presentation on puzzling to the last class of folks who are trying to learn to increase their brain power in order to live a longer and more interesting life. I had an ulterior motive in giving this presentation; I wanted to start a puzzle club in the complex where I live. I spoke to them about:
The National Puzzlers League (NPL). As a puzzler, I am known as AHAB.. my brother, Joe, is known as Ishmael. Joe is an expert on the charade types of puzzles, among others. I kind of like crosswords and cryptograms the most.
The American Cryptogram Association (ACA). Codes and ciphers. As AHAB, I used to contribute to the monthly magazine.
American Crosswords.. where to find the first one, and how to follow them through to the current day. There have been a number of popular changes.
The crosswords in the Sunday Baltimore Sun, including the LA Times puzzle and the New York Times puzzle. I mentioned the difficulty of the NY Times puzzle which gets tougher as the week goes on.
I talked about the folks who produce these puzzles, especially Will Shortz, who is probably the United States premier puzzle-master.
I also covered French, German, Spanish, Dutch and British puzzles, including those difficult, for Americans, British cryptics.
I showed the group some reference material that helps professional puzzlers, including regular crossword dictionaries, backwards dictionaries, anagram dictionaries, non-pattern word lists, and lists for words of specific lengths.
At the end, I showed them one of the largest crossword puzzles ever created.
All in all, I enjoyed myself doing this presentation; however, I probably bombarded (bored) them with too much information. I do hope that a couple of them will sign up for the puzzle club.
02. Funeral stuff.
Yesterday, a monstrous and mysterious 90-foot long black van showed up at our complex. Inside was an extensive display of funeral information, including a model of the funeral train of Abraham Lincoln, a copy of Lincoln's coffin, and lots of information about deceased celebrities, such as Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, and others. One display stated that retired military folks at the Colonel Level or above, are entitled to have a saddled horse in a funeral procession with boots inserted backwards in the stirrups. Since my military equivalent rank for my job at Social Security was Colonel, I wonder if I should sign up for such an honor. ;0)
Of course, I would have to let my son put non-skid treads for the horse on the ice-floe that he is going to get for me.
03. Sarah:
I read where Sarah Palin is going to do an environmental program about Alaska for the Discovery Channel. I believe that she will be earning over a million dollars for this effort. Somehow, I did not know that Sarah had a friendly relationship with her environment, especially as it relates to wolves and forest reserves.
04. Blind porn?
A new Canadian magazine is being published for blind folks. It will have Braille articles and some kind of 3-D representations of naked folks. Now I will have something to look forward to as my Macular Degeneration gets worse.
05. In Sheep's Clothing?
A couple of South American prisoners escaped and were found hiding under sheep skin in a pasture. Someone mentioned that they were "on the lam" for a little while.
06. Mazel Tov.
A man in Connecticut wore a bright blue yarmulke as he robbed a bank.
07. Male Vanity:
The latest boon to male beauty: Nose Waxing.
Speaking of male vanity: In one episode of Star Trek, Captain Kirk changes into a woman, and even though he still looks like a man, every time he goes by a pane of glass, he checks himself out.
Yesterday, at WalMart, I spotted a young man with many piercings. As I was trying to count them, he passed by a glass case, checked himself out, and primpted a bit. He did it again when he passed another glass case. I wish that I had the nerve to tell him not to waste his time.. because he was kind of ugly, I'm sorry to say. But I'll bet his mother loves him anyway.
08. AIDS, Anyone?
A prisoner is about to be released in New York State who admits to infecting 2 women with AIDS. He says that when he gets out he plans to infect a lot more. (Throw away the key!)
09. The Devil's Tools:
Somalian leaders have told radio stations to stop playing music. They have already banned bras and movies. Years ago, Americans liked living in Mogadishu.. I'll bet there aren't any there any more.
10. Airline Charges:
Spirit Airlines is going to charge for carryon luggage. Ryan Air (Ireland) is planning to charge for rest room usage on their airlines. (Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me said that they will probably have to install Guiness-proof locks.)
11. Harry?
The Week magazine says (maybe) some German women tried to smuggle a dead relative on a plane in sunglasses. They were trying to avoid a large repatriation fee on coffins. Deja vu?
12. Blood levels?
The famous Danish Carlsberg Brewery is going to stop brewery workers from drinking on the job, except for three pints at lunchtime. (Is that a quart and a half?) What about at cigarette breaks?
When I drove a cab in New Bedford, Massachusetts, I used to drive some of the Dawson Brewery workers and got a chance to see how they worked. Here and there they had sinks that poured beer out of the faucets. The workers could drink as much as they wanted to, all day long. I'm sure they had a few "for the road" each afternoon before they drove home.
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Showing posts with label funerals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funerals. Show all posts
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Thoughts for April 3, 2010
Some notes about the richest woman in the world, the census, and funeral stuff.
01. Rich Woman!
Who do you think has the distinction of being the richest woman in the world? Oprah? Queen Elizabeth? Cleopatra? Nefrertiti?
Nope, none of them.. the woman who has that distinction is/was Hetty Green of New Bedford, Massachusetts, my old home town.
Who do you think has the distinction of being the stingiest person in the world? Scrooge? ENRON executive? Your spouse? Your boss?
Nope, none of them.. that distinction also belongs to Hetty Green.
Hetty was part of the Quaker family that controled the whaling fleets out of New Bedford. She lived from 1834 to 1916. She parlayed a massive whale oil fortune into an even massive fortune by playing the post Civil War bond market and lending lots of money to the city of New York.
It has been written that she ate dry oatmeal for lunch to save money and did not change her underwear until it wore out. At one time, her son injured himself and she tried to get free medical care for him. When it was not forthcoming, she endevored to cure him himself. Unfortunately, gangrene set in and he lost one of his legs.
It has also been reported that she once spent 6 hours hunting for a lost 2 cent postage stamp.
Hetty was a remarkable woman, who was once called "The Witch of Wall Street".. if you want to read some amazing information about this amazing woman, try the following books:
The Day They Shook The Plum Tree by Arthur H. Lewis (1963)
Hetty: The Genius and Madness of America's First Female Tycoon by Charles Slack (2004) .. I haven't read this one yet.
01. Rich Woman!
Who do you think has the distinction of being the richest woman in the world? Oprah? Queen Elizabeth? Cleopatra? Nefrertiti?
Nope, none of them.. the woman who has that distinction is/was Hetty Green of New Bedford, Massachusetts, my old home town.
Who do you think has the distinction of being the stingiest person in the world? Scrooge? ENRON executive? Your spouse? Your boss?
Nope, none of them.. that distinction also belongs to Hetty Green.
Hetty was part of the Quaker family that controled the whaling fleets out of New Bedford. She lived from 1834 to 1916. She parlayed a massive whale oil fortune into an even massive fortune by playing the post Civil War bond market and lending lots of money to the city of New York.
It has been written that she ate dry oatmeal for lunch to save money and did not change her underwear until it wore out. At one time, her son injured himself and she tried to get free medical care for him. When it was not forthcoming, she endevored to cure him himself. Unfortunately, gangrene set in and he lost one of his legs.
It has also been reported that she once spent 6 hours hunting for a lost 2 cent postage stamp.
Hetty was a remarkable woman, who was once called "The Witch of Wall Street".. if you want to read some amazing information about this amazing woman, try the following books:
The Day They Shook The Plum Tree by Arthur H. Lewis (1963)
Hetty: The Genius and Madness of America's First Female Tycoon by Charles Slack (2004) .. I haven't read this one yet.
02. The U.S. Census
Government sources are complaining that people are slow in filling out and returning their 2010 census forms. Duh? Right there in the instructions it says that it wants to know who is in each dwelling on April first 2010 ! Not March 2010! It doesn't take a Mensa member to understand that the form should not be filled out until April first, 2010. Or is that an April Fool joke? So quit complaining!
03. Funeral stuff.
None of us want to think about it, but we are not immortal, even though some teen-agers think so. We should all make some kind of plans so that the poor people who survive us know what to do with us.
My son has always told me not to worry because he would find a real nice ice floe to put me on when my time grows near.
Seriously, you might want to think about it. And to help you, the Carroll County Maryland Chapter of the National Active and Retired Federal Employees (NARFE) is having a funeral expert come and talk at our next meeting in Westminster, Maryland, on April 8th, 2010. Anyone may attend the meeting. It is at the Cactus Willie's restaurant. Come at 11:30 am, and enjoy their buffet. They have the second best fried chicken legs I have ever eaten! Fill your stomach and then fill your brain with new information.
The speaker guarantees that his talk is not depressing and he is even bringing appropriate door prizes. (Hope its not little pine box key chains.)
See you there!
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Friday, August 07, 2009
Interesting Headlines and a Lesson
The Carroll County Times (Westminster, Maryland) had the following headline today:
Rapper pays visit to Ravens Camp.. (players giddy as Snoop Dogg stops by to watch team practice). This was on page one.
On page A5, Sotomayor confirmed.
On page B5, Senate fills up 'clunkers'
Yes, we know what our priorities are, here in downtown Westminster, Maryland.
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Other headlines of note:
Page A3, City offers rebates for old toilets
Page A6, Name (Hampstead) bypass after (ex-governor) Ehrlich
Page A7, Regulators to OK new (underground) coal mine
Page C3, Woodstock's 40th rocks art center
Page C4, See L.A. on horseback
Page C7, Fox, Abdul talks over, guest judges set
Page D3, Surfing through the scriptures
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A lesson (or a joke?)
When his elderly friend became ill, a nice guy began to make a soup that his old friend liked. He made it every morning, and took it to his friend, who downed it with great pleasure.
This went on for a couple of years. Every day, the soup was made and taken to his friend, who loved the taste. But, one day, the old man died.
The soup maker made a batch of soup and took it to the funeral parlor, where his friend was in a beautiful coffin, surrounded by lots and lots of fresh flowers. He put the soup down near the coffin.
One of the relatives came up, laughing at him, and said. "Why did you bring that soup? He is dead and cannot taste it." The soup-maker said.."Yes, and he also can't smell your beautiful flowers."
.........................................................................................
Rapper pays visit to Ravens Camp.. (players giddy as Snoop Dogg stops by to watch team practice). This was on page one.
On page A5, Sotomayor confirmed.
On page B5, Senate fills up 'clunkers'
Yes, we know what our priorities are, here in downtown Westminster, Maryland.
........................................................................
Other headlines of note:
Page A3, City offers rebates for old toilets
Page A6, Name (Hampstead) bypass after (ex-governor) Ehrlich
Page A7, Regulators to OK new (underground) coal mine
Page C3, Woodstock's 40th rocks art center
Page C4, See L.A. on horseback
Page C7, Fox, Abdul talks over, guest judges set
Page D3, Surfing through the scriptures
............................................................................
A lesson (or a joke?)
When his elderly friend became ill, a nice guy began to make a soup that his old friend liked. He made it every morning, and took it to his friend, who downed it with great pleasure.
This went on for a couple of years. Every day, the soup was made and taken to his friend, who loved the taste. But, one day, the old man died.
The soup maker made a batch of soup and took it to the funeral parlor, where his friend was in a beautiful coffin, surrounded by lots and lots of fresh flowers. He put the soup down near the coffin.
One of the relatives came up, laughing at him, and said. "Why did you bring that soup? He is dead and cannot taste it." The soup-maker said.."Yes, and he also can't smell your beautiful flowers."
.........................................................................................
Friday, March 27, 2009
Back to my Blog after a long delay.
Well, I just got back from a trip to the funerals of two relatives, where I was reminded of the fleetness and uncertainty of life. I was asked to say a few words and read some poems at each funeral and I took that as a great honor. Let me recap a few of the subjects that I tried to talk about.
My Aunt was 95 years old and had lived a long and interesting life. I first remember her flipping upside down in a cartwheel at a clambake. She loved to do cartwheels. She also loved to sing, having been in a singing program in the early thirties with my mother on the radio. She also always sang in the choir at the First Baptist Church. She taught herself to play a pump organ and would often serenade her neighbors at 3 am with old time hymns, sung at a bit of loudness. But the neighbors never complained, at least not to her face.
She had a wonderful way to tell her age as she got older. She would reverse the numbers. When she was 91, she said that she was 19. At 92, she was 29... and so on. At her passing, she was only 59 (and I am 57.)
She also always had a smile and a cheerful outlook. She liked to say: "Things look swell, when you use Prell!" (Old-timers will remember Prell.) I often use the phrase as well now, when I feel a bit depressed.. and it cheers me up.
In 1948 (!) when I graduated from Junior High School, all the boys were asked to wear suits for the graduation ceremony. I was a poor kid. I didn't own a suit, or anything that looked like a suit. I did work at several jobs, but I had to contribute to the family and n
ot much was left for frivolities (like fancy clothing). My Aunt found out about this, came over to where I live, handed me a Sears Roebuck charge account card and told me to pick out a suit and pay her back at one dollar a week. I did pay her back, but she would not have cared if I had not.
I will miss my Aunt greatly.
The second funeral was for my sister's partner of 23 years. A real nice guy who helped my sister care for our mother for many years. Meanwhile he worked at least two jobs while getting up early every morning to care for up to 24 horses on his property in the country.
One of the jobs he had was as a "Lumper" for 30 years! For those of you who don't know what a Lumper is.. picture a man (or in one case a woman..) putting on a rubber suit, hip high boots, long gloves and an oversized fisherman's rain hat. Picture this man grabbing a long heavy shovel as he jumps into the stinky hold of a large fishing boat where he meets with tons of fish, eels, lobsters, crabs, and whatever else you can think of, in addition to tons of ice keeping the catch from spoiling. Then picture this same man shoveling everything out of the boat hold. This has got to be the toughest job in the world.
This was a MAN!
He was only in his sixties when he passed away and he will be sorely missed by my sister and all of the hundreds of his friends who attended his funeral.
So.. the world lost two wonderful persons last week. But of course, they will stay alive in our memories for the rest of our lives.
My Aunt was 95 years old and had lived a long and interesting life. I first remember her flipping upside down in a cartwheel at a clambake. She loved to do cartwheels. She also loved to sing, having been in a singing program in the early thirties with my mother on the radio. She also always sang in the choir at the First Baptist Church. She taught herself to play a pump organ and would often serenade her neighbors at 3 am with old time hymns, sung at a bit of loudness. But the neighbors never complained, at least not to her face.
She had a wonderful way to tell her age as she got older. She would reverse the numbers. When she was 91, she said that she was 19. At 92, she was 29... and so on. At her passing, she was only 59 (and I am 57.)
She also always had a smile and a cheerful outlook. She liked to say: "Things look swell, when you use Prell!" (Old-timers will remember Prell.) I often use the phrase as well now, when I feel a bit depressed.. and it cheers me up.
In 1948 (!) when I graduated from Junior High School, all the boys were asked to wear suits for the graduation ceremony. I was a poor kid. I didn't own a suit, or anything that looked like a suit. I did work at several jobs, but I had to contribute to the family and n
ot much was left for frivolities (like fancy clothing). My Aunt found out about this, came over to where I live, handed me a Sears Roebuck charge account card and told me to pick out a suit and pay her back at one dollar a week. I did pay her back, but she would not have cared if I had not.
I will miss my Aunt greatly.
The second funeral was for my sister's partner of 23 years. A real nice guy who helped my sister care for our mother for many years. Meanwhile he worked at least two jobs while getting up early every morning to care for up to 24 horses on his property in the country.
One of the jobs he had was as a "Lumper" for 30 years! For those of you who don't know what a Lumper is.. picture a man (or in one case a woman..) putting on a rubber suit, hip high boots, long gloves and an oversized fisherman's rain hat. Picture this man grabbing a long heavy shovel as he jumps into the stinky hold of a large fishing boat where he meets with tons of fish, eels, lobsters, crabs, and whatever else you can think of, in addition to tons of ice keeping the catch from spoiling. Then picture this same man shoveling everything out of the boat hold. This has got to be the toughest job in the world.
This was a MAN!
He was only in his sixties when he passed away and he will be sorely missed by my sister and all of the hundreds of his friends who attended his funeral.
So.. the world lost two wonderful persons last week. But of course, they will stay alive in our memories for the rest of our lives.
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