This has been an interesting week. Let me tell you about puzzledom, funeraldom, and weird newsdom. (In between times, I have to interupt to hear La Traviata from the Met on WBJC.)
01. Puzzles:
Yesterday, I got a chance to give a presentation on puzzling to the last class of folks who are trying to learn to increase their brain power in order to live a longer and more interesting life. I had an ulterior motive in giving this presentation; I wanted to start a puzzle club in the complex where I live. I spoke to them about:
The National Puzzlers League (NPL). As a puzzler, I am known as AHAB.. my brother, Joe, is known as Ishmael. Joe is an expert on the charade types of puzzles, among others. I kind of like crosswords and cryptograms the most.
The American Cryptogram Association (ACA). Codes and ciphers. As AHAB, I used to contribute to the monthly magazine.
American Crosswords.. where to find the first one, and how to follow them through to the current day. There have been a number of popular changes.
The crosswords in the Sunday Baltimore Sun, including the LA Times puzzle and the New York Times puzzle. I mentioned the difficulty of the NY Times puzzle which gets tougher as the week goes on.
I talked about the folks who produce these puzzles, especially Will Shortz, who is probably the United States premier puzzle-master.
I also covered French, German, Spanish, Dutch and British puzzles, including those difficult, for Americans, British cryptics.
I showed the group some reference material that helps professional puzzlers, including regular crossword dictionaries, backwards dictionaries, anagram dictionaries, non-pattern word lists, and lists for words of specific lengths.
At the end, I showed them one of the largest crossword puzzles ever created.
All in all, I enjoyed myself doing this presentation; however, I probably bombarded (bored) them with too much information. I do hope that a couple of them will sign up for the puzzle club.
02. Funeral stuff.
Yesterday, a monstrous and mysterious 90-foot long black van showed up at our complex. Inside was an extensive display of funeral information, including a model of the funeral train of Abraham Lincoln, a copy of Lincoln's coffin, and lots of information about deceased celebrities, such as Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, and others. One display stated that retired military folks at the Colonel Level or above, are entitled to have a saddled horse in a funeral procession with boots inserted backwards in the stirrups. Since my military equivalent rank for my job at Social Security was Colonel, I wonder if I should sign up for such an honor. ;0)
Of course, I would have to let my son put non-skid treads for the horse on the ice-floe that he is going to get for me.
03. Sarah:
I read where Sarah Palin is going to do an environmental program about Alaska for the Discovery Channel. I believe that she will be earning over a million dollars for this effort. Somehow, I did not know that Sarah had a friendly relationship with her environment, especially as it relates to wolves and forest reserves.
04. Blind porn?
A new Canadian magazine is being published for blind folks. It will have Braille articles and some kind of 3-D representations of naked folks. Now I will have something to look forward to as my Macular Degeneration gets worse.
05. In Sheep's Clothing?
A couple of South American prisoners escaped and were found hiding under sheep skin in a pasture. Someone mentioned that they were "on the lam" for a little while.
06. Mazel Tov.
A man in Connecticut wore a bright blue yarmulke as he robbed a bank.
07. Male Vanity:
The latest boon to male beauty: Nose Waxing.
Speaking of male vanity: In one episode of Star Trek, Captain Kirk changes into a woman, and even though he still looks like a man, every time he goes by a pane of glass, he checks himself out.
Yesterday, at WalMart, I spotted a young man with many piercings. As I was trying to count them, he passed by a glass case, checked himself out, and primpted a bit. He did it again when he passed another glass case. I wish that I had the nerve to tell him not to waste his time.. because he was kind of ugly, I'm sorry to say. But I'll bet his mother loves him anyway.
08. AIDS, Anyone?
A prisoner is about to be released in New York State who admits to infecting 2 women with AIDS. He says that when he gets out he plans to infect a lot more. (Throw away the key!)
09. The Devil's Tools:
Somalian leaders have told radio stations to stop playing music. They have already banned bras and movies. Years ago, Americans liked living in Mogadishu.. I'll bet there aren't any there any more.
10. Airline Charges:
Spirit Airlines is going to charge for carryon luggage. Ryan Air (Ireland) is planning to charge for rest room usage on their airlines. (Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me said that they will probably have to install Guiness-proof locks.)
11. Harry?
The Week magazine says (maybe) some German women tried to smuggle a dead relative on a plane in sunglasses. They were trying to avoid a large repatriation fee on coffins. Deja vu?
12. Blood levels?
The famous Danish Carlsberg Brewery is going to stop brewery workers from drinking on the job, except for three pints at lunchtime. (Is that a quart and a half?) What about at cigarette breaks?
When I drove a cab in New Bedford, Massachusetts, I used to drive some of the Dawson Brewery workers and got a chance to see how they worked. Here and there they had sinks that poured beer out of the faucets. The workers could drink as much as they wanted to, all day long. I'm sure they had a few "for the road" each afternoon before they drove home.
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Showing posts with label dumb criminals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dumb criminals. Show all posts
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Great News for April 10th or 11th, 2010
Today's issue of the Carroll County, Maryland, Times shows today's date on A-5 as Saturday, April 11, 2010.. and on page A-6 as Saturday, April 10, 2010. This allows the reader to feel as though he or she is going back in time as they turn the page. What a pleasant gimmick for such a beautiful sunny, windy, 50-ish Spring day!
A wonderful thing happened today (or yesterday, as the case may be).. I lifted up a pile of old newspapers and found a copy of the non-defunct Weekly World News from September 18, 2006. (I loved that sheet!) Just look at the news items that I missed!
01. Giant Crocs Attack! Monster reptiles attacked monster trucks at a racetrack.
02. Old Folks live in Daughter's Pool. These poor folks needed assistive living, but couldn't afford it, so their good-hearted daughter allowed them to spend their twilight years floating in her backyard pool. Because of the chlorine in the water, they didn"t even have to worry about toilet breaks.
03. Robin Goodfellow, British Pub owner has started to serve his patrons fairy wings. This has become a great draw for Barrie's Tavern.
04. An item about "Your Bottom Dollar" that perhaps I shouldn't mention.
Excuse me for a moment.. my favorite radio station is playing the Met broadcast of Die Zauberfloete, and I want to hear the Queen of the Night's famous aria. Herr Mozart may have been accused of using "too many notes" on this work, but I don't think that there is one wasted note in the whole opera. Why did Wolfie have to die so young? Who could imagine what other masterpieces still lurked within that massive brain in that little bitty body?
I'm back again.. let me jump to some Wait Wait items:
05. (Notice how I number everything.. its my excessive compulsion, sorry.) A gentleman from Georgia tried to eat a "double wicked" fast food sandwich and messed his jaws up so much that he had to have surgery. (Well, it had to happen sometime.)
06. Did you know that the first Bobby hired by the City of London was fired four hours later because of drunkenness? Do policemen have alcohol level tests in the US?
07. Another Georgian, a Congressman I believe, recently said that Guam will probably tip over if we send any more military people there.
08. Senator John McCain told reporters that he is not a maverick, in spite of the title of his book and his electioneering slogan. I guess he might be trying to become a true Conservative to get the future votes of the Tea Party guys.
09. Fewer NERDS are being produced in the US. Our technical future looks bleak. (Is there a song called: The Revenge of the Nerds?)
10. The guy who invented Wine in a Box has died. Wine snobs deride boxed wine. However, I see not much difference between boxed and bottled wine. In fact, based on wine that I have made over the years, I want to make this statement. Believe it or not, with a little care, and with a little equipment, and a little container of grapes, and a little sugar.. you can make wine in your kitchen that tastes just as good if not better than these bottles of French wine that are selling for astronomical prices. In fact, if you have a Mickey Mouse balloon to place over the top of a bottle, you can do as good a job as any of the California wine makers. This is of course my opinion.
This made me think of wine that I have been aging in the garage. I decided to try an old bottle. I uncorked and decanted a bottle of peach wine that I laid down in 1975. The cork had almost disintegrated but not quite. Opened and poured, there was not much bouquet.. in fact, Elaine took a sip and thought that it ranked (maybe a good word) among the worst wines she had ever tasted. But, for me, after a little unpleasant ropiness, I found it tasty.. perhaps more like a very sweet fortified wine. So, score one for me.
I still have some beet wine and peapodwine aging. Recently, I gave away my beer and wine making equipment to my son in law, John, an excellent brewer. So now, I will concentrate on kitchen wine, using my Mickey Mouse balloon. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
11. And of course you have heard of the crook who was chased by the cops until he climbed over a wall and found himself in a prison yard. What I didn't know until now was it was a woman's prison!
12. What about that guy who was discovered giving mouth to mouth rescusitation to a possum that may have been playing possum.
.........................................
A wonderful thing happened today (or yesterday, as the case may be).. I lifted up a pile of old newspapers and found a copy of the non-defunct Weekly World News from September 18, 2006. (I loved that sheet!) Just look at the news items that I missed!
01. Giant Crocs Attack! Monster reptiles attacked monster trucks at a racetrack.
02. Old Folks live in Daughter's Pool. These poor folks needed assistive living, but couldn't afford it, so their good-hearted daughter allowed them to spend their twilight years floating in her backyard pool. Because of the chlorine in the water, they didn"t even have to worry about toilet breaks.
03. Robin Goodfellow, British Pub owner has started to serve his patrons fairy wings. This has become a great draw for Barrie's Tavern.
04. An item about "Your Bottom Dollar" that perhaps I shouldn't mention.
Excuse me for a moment.. my favorite radio station is playing the Met broadcast of Die Zauberfloete, and I want to hear the Queen of the Night's famous aria. Herr Mozart may have been accused of using "too many notes" on this work, but I don't think that there is one wasted note in the whole opera. Why did Wolfie have to die so young? Who could imagine what other masterpieces still lurked within that massive brain in that little bitty body?
I'm back again.. let me jump to some Wait Wait items:
05. (Notice how I number everything.. its my excessive compulsion, sorry.) A gentleman from Georgia tried to eat a "double wicked" fast food sandwich and messed his jaws up so much that he had to have surgery. (Well, it had to happen sometime.)
06. Did you know that the first Bobby hired by the City of London was fired four hours later because of drunkenness? Do policemen have alcohol level tests in the US?
07. Another Georgian, a Congressman I believe, recently said that Guam will probably tip over if we send any more military people there.
08. Senator John McCain told reporters that he is not a maverick, in spite of the title of his book and his electioneering slogan. I guess he might be trying to become a true Conservative to get the future votes of the Tea Party guys.
09. Fewer NERDS are being produced in the US. Our technical future looks bleak. (Is there a song called: The Revenge of the Nerds?)
10. The guy who invented Wine in a Box has died. Wine snobs deride boxed wine. However, I see not much difference between boxed and bottled wine. In fact, based on wine that I have made over the years, I want to make this statement. Believe it or not, with a little care, and with a little equipment, and a little container of grapes, and a little sugar.. you can make wine in your kitchen that tastes just as good if not better than these bottles of French wine that are selling for astronomical prices. In fact, if you have a Mickey Mouse balloon to place over the top of a bottle, you can do as good a job as any of the California wine makers. This is of course my opinion.
This made me think of wine that I have been aging in the garage. I decided to try an old bottle. I uncorked and decanted a bottle of peach wine that I laid down in 1975. The cork had almost disintegrated but not quite. Opened and poured, there was not much bouquet.. in fact, Elaine took a sip and thought that it ranked (maybe a good word) among the worst wines she had ever tasted. But, for me, after a little unpleasant ropiness, I found it tasty.. perhaps more like a very sweet fortified wine. So, score one for me.
I still have some beet wine and peapodwine aging. Recently, I gave away my beer and wine making equipment to my son in law, John, an excellent brewer. So now, I will concentrate on kitchen wine, using my Mickey Mouse balloon. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
11. And of course you have heard of the crook who was chased by the cops until he climbed over a wall and found himself in a prison yard. What I didn't know until now was it was a woman's prison!
12. What about that guy who was discovered giving mouth to mouth rescusitation to a possum that may have been playing possum.
.........................................
Monday, March 29, 2010
Weekly Dozen at 03/29/10
Some interesting items from my favorite news sources:
01. Yuk! President Bush and President Clinton were working and shaking hands in Haiti last week. Mr. Bush apparently thought that there might have been germs on the hand of his last shaker.. so, not having anything to wipe the germs, he turned and wiped his hands on Mr. Clinton's shirt... or so it seems to show in a video taken at the time.
02. Guiness egg record: A Texas man used his head to smash 138 raw eggs in one minute. The main question here is "Why?"
03. Supersize it! In an examination of all of the paintings of the Last Supper over the years, one can see a general increase in the size of the food shown in the pictures, from year to year.
04. Giant disappointment: Some British guys rowed 2,500 miles to try to win the Atlantic Rowing Race, but went aground on a reef less than one mile from the finish.
05. Crash! Last week, Wikipedia was dead for some time. I wonder how many term papers were postponed.
06. Dumb criminals: Thieves called a bank to let them know that they were coming to rob them and asked them to have the money ready. Police were ready instead.
07. More dumb criminals: A couple appeared on the Dr. Phil show and described how they stole toys and sold them on EBay. I guess they didn't realize that policemen watched the show.
08. Garbage Island: A floating island of garbage twice the size of Texas exists in the Pacific Ocean, 600 miles from California. A crew of scientists will be capturing a "shipload" of it in May. They wil be both cleaning up the Pacific, and also using the plastic obtained to try to develop a new kind of fuel.
09. Your way: A Burger King in Brazil takes customers' pictures with a hidden camera and delivers the burgers with the customers' pictures printed on the food wrapper.
10. Scumbag award: To the sushi restaurant that served its customers meat from endangered sei whales. They should throw away the key on the owners.
11. A bunch of baloney! Some company wants to etch a picture on slices of whatever animal was used in making the processed food. Pig; Chicken; Cow; Groundhog; Rattlesnake; Butcher;
12. Bad words. Well, now Vice President Biden has joined the ranks of the high Government officials who spoke before the microphone was turned off. Come on, Joe, you know better!
01. Yuk! President Bush and President Clinton were working and shaking hands in Haiti last week. Mr. Bush apparently thought that there might have been germs on the hand of his last shaker.. so, not having anything to wipe the germs, he turned and wiped his hands on Mr. Clinton's shirt... or so it seems to show in a video taken at the time.
02. Guiness egg record: A Texas man used his head to smash 138 raw eggs in one minute. The main question here is "Why?"
03. Supersize it! In an examination of all of the paintings of the Last Supper over the years, one can see a general increase in the size of the food shown in the pictures, from year to year.
04. Giant disappointment: Some British guys rowed 2,500 miles to try to win the Atlantic Rowing Race, but went aground on a reef less than one mile from the finish.
05. Crash! Last week, Wikipedia was dead for some time. I wonder how many term papers were postponed.
06. Dumb criminals: Thieves called a bank to let them know that they were coming to rob them and asked them to have the money ready. Police were ready instead.
07. More dumb criminals: A couple appeared on the Dr. Phil show and described how they stole toys and sold them on EBay. I guess they didn't realize that policemen watched the show.
08. Garbage Island: A floating island of garbage twice the size of Texas exists in the Pacific Ocean, 600 miles from California. A crew of scientists will be capturing a "shipload" of it in May. They wil be both cleaning up the Pacific, and also using the plastic obtained to try to develop a new kind of fuel.
09. Your way: A Burger King in Brazil takes customers' pictures with a hidden camera and delivers the burgers with the customers' pictures printed on the food wrapper.
10. Scumbag award: To the sushi restaurant that served its customers meat from endangered sei whales. They should throw away the key on the owners.
11. A bunch of baloney! Some company wants to etch a picture on slices of whatever animal was used in making the processed food. Pig; Chicken; Cow; Groundhog; Rattlesnake; Butcher;
12. Bad words. Well, now Vice President Biden has joined the ranks of the high Government officials who spoke before the microphone was turned off. Come on, Joe, you know better!
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