Let's see if I can come up with 12 weird news items and random thoughts for the first week in 2010. Some of these items were mentioned in Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and others came from radio, TV, newspaper or magazine sources.. and some from my own aging brain.
01. Why do software developers make you open a string of years to get to your own year of birth? In my case, it takes me a long time to scroll through all those years until I hit my year.
And besides, it's depressing to know that I am that old! Instead, they could just say "type in your year of birth." And why do they need to know how old you are anyway? Teenagers lie about their age to be thought older and old folks lie about their age to be thought younger.
So.. my suggestion to the software developers would be: just say: "Pick a year of birth that pleases you."
02. 3D TV is coming! Flushed with the success of the Avatar movie, some enterprising persons are getting it ready to spring on the U.S. market. (Will we have to wear special glasses? Will our cats and dogs be scared? Our cat, SuZee watches TV with us and sometimes sudden movements make her jump.)
03. I wonder is anyone has thought of a new way to fill the country's ailing coffers: selling pictures from full body scans at airports. As I understand it, faces will be blanked out, so nobody will recognize who the person in (save in a few exceptional cases).. the best buyers of this material would probably be Middle School boys, and they are the ones who seem to have the most disposable income.
Actually, to expand on that, the Government could sell viewing tickets.. or maybe, plug the scans into a 24 hour closed circuit cable channel selling subscriptions like is done for HBO and the like. Perhaps some new kind of game shows or reality TV could be developed from this. The possibilities are endless.
04. I understand that the Pope will now be copyrighted... I wonder what that means. Does that have anthing to do with being knocked down by that crazy lady?
05. Some sharks have been implanted with radio devices that automatically text where they are so that lifeguards can warn swimmers. (Texting sharks.. what next?)
06. The inventor of the McDonald's Quarter Pounder died recently. I wonder what the cause of death was.
07. Would you believe this? (Frequent flyers know this already.) Sky Mall sells an eyeball massager!
08. Due to the current cold weather in Florida, chilled iguanas are falling out of trees.
09. A Dr. Frankel has suggested that Mona Lisa's smile was caused by high cholesterol. (Hey.. maybe we all could have our pictures painted to help our doctors in their diagnostic activity.)
10. Watch out! Apparently, some jokesters are putting baking soda in ketchup bottles in some restaurants. When the cap is opened, the ketchup explodes onto your nice new necktie. (Guess what's going to happen when the word gets out about this one.)
11. Hewlett Packard has developed a new web cam that automatically follows you.. as long as you are a pale white person.
12. Someone has developed a transparent toaster. Now you can get your toast just right.
Bonus:
Left shoe thieves are at it again in Sweden.
Leno may be coming back to his old time slot.
After being treated for chest pains, Rush Limbaugh (multi-millionaire) says that the US health system doesn't need fixing.
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Showing posts with label Leno. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Leno. Show all posts
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Saturday, August 15, 2009
News of the Day August 15, 2009
Yesterday, I read the Baltimore Sun from beginning to end and could not find a pleasant story. The main reason I get that paper now is to see if me or any of my friends are included in the obituaries. I do like the Carroll County Times for their local news and Elaine likes to spend lots of time checking out their classified ads.
For instance: Today, Elaine was intrigued by four ads:
For sale: Nick nacks and Tubberware. (Somehow that makes sense.)
For sale: Building supplies, antquies and toys.
Free: A puggle. 7 months old.
Free: 1986 model toilet, you haul.
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I was intrigued by a few stories in the Sun:
01. Michael Phelps (you know, the swimming ace) was hit by a woman running a red light. His Cadillac Escalade (what else?) was damaged extensively, but Michael and his passengers were unharmed. What bothers me about this story, was that he was treated like a criminal by the policeman, and questioned as though it was a DUI case and he was the perpetrator.
02. Let me quote the Sun on this: "A 52-year old Howard County woman, whose mother was sentenced to six months in jail for abusing cats, must serve a day in jail for each of the 74 cats that died."
Nese Icgoren, a former equestrian champion in Turkey, said that she couldn't get her 81 year old mother to properly care for a small family of cats, then failed to do anything when that family swelled to over 100.
Huh? Can a daughter be penalized for not being able to force her mother to do something? Am I missing something? The judge, in passing sentence said: Those lives matter.. every one of them.
74 cats times 9 is 666 .. so should that have been the number of days served?
03. A prisoner from Jessup, Maryland choked the sheriff that was transporting him and disappeared. Somewhere in Howard County is a 20 year old with leg irons and handcuffs who outran groups of police officers, tracking dogs and helicopters, through a rural area. This sounds like a movie script.
04. An abused kitten is nearly ready to be adopted. Kids began by throwing rocks at the kitten and then poured a liquid on her and set her afire. The kitten was able to extinguish the flames, but the kids then set her on fire a second time. The doctor treating her says in spite of all she has been through, whenever anyone goes by her cage, she stands up and purrs.
I've seen a lot of evil acts in my life, mostly by children. I knew one child who made a point of punching every 4 or 5 year old within arms reach when he was around 11 years old. Of course, he had to have a course adjustment by that famous "bully beater".. namely me (but that is the subject of another blog.)
05. Headline: Defense tries to exclude DNA evidence in Harris murder. (No comment!)
06. Headline: 40 year sentence for shooter in killing of court witness. (Not enough time!)
07. The infamous "Hold Your Wee for a Wii" contest run by a Sacramento radio station in 2007 is still causing trouble for that station. One woman died and another now has a psychological fear of drinking water. (The ladies were given massive amounts of water to drink, and the one who did not pee in a three hour period won the contest.)
08. Jerry Seinfeld will be Jay Leno's first guest on his new show. One of my elderly friends was lamenting the fact that Conan O'Brien had taken Leno's place; she thinks that Conan's humor is juvenile. When I reminded her that Leno will be back, and at 10 pm instead of 11 pm, so she would be able to get to bed earlier, she seemed relieved. (She did say, as I have said many times, Johnny Carson was the best of the best on the Tonight Show.)
Elaine and I watched Leno when he did "Headlines" and when he interviewed the dumb college students. Other than those two segments, we would rather watch a Netflix movie or a DVR movie or go to bed (except that we are nightowls and like to stay up to 2 am.)
...................................................................................................
For instance: Today, Elaine was intrigued by four ads:
For sale: Nick nacks and Tubberware. (Somehow that makes sense.)
For sale: Building supplies, antquies and toys.
Free: A puggle. 7 months old.
Free: 1986 model toilet, you haul.
.......................................................
I was intrigued by a few stories in the Sun:
01. Michael Phelps (you know, the swimming ace) was hit by a woman running a red light. His Cadillac Escalade (what else?) was damaged extensively, but Michael and his passengers were unharmed. What bothers me about this story, was that he was treated like a criminal by the policeman, and questioned as though it was a DUI case and he was the perpetrator.
02. Let me quote the Sun on this: "A 52-year old Howard County woman, whose mother was sentenced to six months in jail for abusing cats, must serve a day in jail for each of the 74 cats that died."
Nese Icgoren, a former equestrian champion in Turkey, said that she couldn't get her 81 year old mother to properly care for a small family of cats, then failed to do anything when that family swelled to over 100.
Huh? Can a daughter be penalized for not being able to force her mother to do something? Am I missing something? The judge, in passing sentence said: Those lives matter.. every one of them.
74 cats times 9 is 666 .. so should that have been the number of days served?
03. A prisoner from Jessup, Maryland choked the sheriff that was transporting him and disappeared. Somewhere in Howard County is a 20 year old with leg irons and handcuffs who outran groups of police officers, tracking dogs and helicopters, through a rural area. This sounds like a movie script.
04. An abused kitten is nearly ready to be adopted. Kids began by throwing rocks at the kitten and then poured a liquid on her and set her afire. The kitten was able to extinguish the flames, but the kids then set her on fire a second time. The doctor treating her says in spite of all she has been through, whenever anyone goes by her cage, she stands up and purrs.
I've seen a lot of evil acts in my life, mostly by children. I knew one child who made a point of punching every 4 or 5 year old within arms reach when he was around 11 years old. Of course, he had to have a course adjustment by that famous "bully beater".. namely me (but that is the subject of another blog.)
05. Headline: Defense tries to exclude DNA evidence in Harris murder. (No comment!)
06. Headline: 40 year sentence for shooter in killing of court witness. (Not enough time!)
07. The infamous "Hold Your Wee for a Wii" contest run by a Sacramento radio station in 2007 is still causing trouble for that station. One woman died and another now has a psychological fear of drinking water. (The ladies were given massive amounts of water to drink, and the one who did not pee in a three hour period won the contest.)
08. Jerry Seinfeld will be Jay Leno's first guest on his new show. One of my elderly friends was lamenting the fact that Conan O'Brien had taken Leno's place; she thinks that Conan's humor is juvenile. When I reminded her that Leno will be back, and at 10 pm instead of 11 pm, so she would be able to get to bed earlier, she seemed relieved. (She did say, as I have said many times, Johnny Carson was the best of the best on the Tonight Show.)
Elaine and I watched Leno when he did "Headlines" and when he interviewed the dumb college students. Other than those two segments, we would rather watch a Netflix movie or a DVR movie or go to bed (except that we are nightowls and like to stay up to 2 am.)
...................................................................................................
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
The State of Comedy Today
What has happened to comedy? I believe that the test of a comedian's worth is how he or she can tell a joke or a humorous story without resorting to off-color material. Anybody can be funny to an eleven year old audience with fart jokes. It takes a competent funny person to appeal to an audience of adults. with intelligent funny material.
I have a group of stand-up comedians that I admire and I always try to view or hear their routines whenever I can. Therefore, recently I heard an announcement for a "humor night" on one of the TV stations. The program would consist of five or six stand-up comedians doing their bits. Two of the comedians were to be my favorites, John Pinette and Kathleen Madigan. I immediately set up my DVR to tape the show, in case I missed it.
When I viewed the tape I was surprised at what I saw. First, there was a sophomoric routine by Martin Short.. extremely unfunny, unless you were ten years old. Then there were 5 minute skits by several comedians. Tom Papa tried to be funny... he failed miserably. Greg Geraldo, who I have heard on XM radio as a funny guy.. seriously bombed. A couple of other guys also bombed.
But, I had set up to tape the show because I would be able to see two of my favorites: Kathleen Madigan and John Pinette. Kathleen was a disappointment. Not like her routines that I look forward to on XM radio's Laugh USA. (But still, I will keep my link to her facebook and twitter accounts.)
John Pinette was kind of funny, but not at his best. Not one : I say "nay, nay" during the bit.
Martin Short was, how should I say this delicately, LOUSY!
I was very disappointed. But, I will not give up on my favorites, Madigan and Pinette. Surely, their routines were cut down to fit into the show's time frame. They had to be.. they are much funnier than they showed themselves on this show.
While we are on the subject, let me make a prediction... Conan will bomb. Sorry.. but I feel that Conan is not a funny man.. not as funny as Jay Leno and definitely nowhere as funny as Johnny Carson or Jack Paar or Steve Allen. The Tonite Show has survived for years because some of the writing was funny.. but (in my opinion) Conan's writers are "out to lunch".
Since the writers' strike, Leno's monologues suffered from a dearth of funny material. If he didn't have Paris or Michael or some Senator or other to make fun of, he would not have anything to say. We did like his "Headlines" schtick. If his show contained nothing but that, he would have been good. Unfortunately, he also had pretty young "airhead" stars to interview.. most of whom could not carry on an intelligent conversation.
Why can't the Tonight Show go back to the Jack Paar mode.. where everything was live and it was exciting to watch... you never knew what was going to be said next.. !!!
Oh well, perhaps we should just learn to be senior citizens and go to bed at 9 pm. Or, at least, watch our netflix movies instead of wasting our time with late network shows.
I have a group of stand-up comedians that I admire and I always try to view or hear their routines whenever I can. Therefore, recently I heard an announcement for a "humor night" on one of the TV stations. The program would consist of five or six stand-up comedians doing their bits. Two of the comedians were to be my favorites, John Pinette and Kathleen Madigan. I immediately set up my DVR to tape the show, in case I missed it.
When I viewed the tape I was surprised at what I saw. First, there was a sophomoric routine by Martin Short.. extremely unfunny, unless you were ten years old. Then there were 5 minute skits by several comedians. Tom Papa tried to be funny... he failed miserably. Greg Geraldo, who I have heard on XM radio as a funny guy.. seriously bombed. A couple of other guys also bombed.
But, I had set up to tape the show because I would be able to see two of my favorites: Kathleen Madigan and John Pinette. Kathleen was a disappointment. Not like her routines that I look forward to on XM radio's Laugh USA. (But still, I will keep my link to her facebook and twitter accounts.)
John Pinette was kind of funny, but not at his best. Not one : I say "nay, nay" during the bit.
Martin Short was, how should I say this delicately, LOUSY!
I was very disappointed. But, I will not give up on my favorites, Madigan and Pinette. Surely, their routines were cut down to fit into the show's time frame. They had to be.. they are much funnier than they showed themselves on this show.
While we are on the subject, let me make a prediction... Conan will bomb. Sorry.. but I feel that Conan is not a funny man.. not as funny as Jay Leno and definitely nowhere as funny as Johnny Carson or Jack Paar or Steve Allen. The Tonite Show has survived for years because some of the writing was funny.. but (in my opinion) Conan's writers are "out to lunch".
Since the writers' strike, Leno's monologues suffered from a dearth of funny material. If he didn't have Paris or Michael or some Senator or other to make fun of, he would not have anything to say. We did like his "Headlines" schtick. If his show contained nothing but that, he would have been good. Unfortunately, he also had pretty young "airhead" stars to interview.. most of whom could not carry on an intelligent conversation.
Why can't the Tonight Show go back to the Jack Paar mode.. where everything was live and it was exciting to watch... you never knew what was going to be said next.. !!!
Oh well, perhaps we should just learn to be senior citizens and go to bed at 9 pm. Or, at least, watch our netflix movies instead of wasting our time with late network shows.
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