Cycle of life.

Today, I want to talk about the crazy news, but first I want to tell you about a great loss to the world of opera... the death of Joan Sutherland. Then, I want to tell you about Elaine's latest accomplishment. Then, the other stuff.


01 A Diva is gone. The cycle of life.

At the age of 83, and still a diva. Joan Sutherland passed away in October. "La Stupenda" was a wonderful "bel canto" singer. Two of her most famous roles were as Lucia and Norma. Dame Sutherland was a very tall (Julia Childs type) and dominated the stage with her presence at first and then when she began to sing.









02. The Miracle of Birth. (The cycle of life.) A few months ago, as I mentioned in a prior blog entry, Elaine was witness to the birth of three deer in our "backyard" here at Carroll Lutheran Village. She wrote about the experience for the "Creative Expressions" book, published annually by the Village. She has now been asked to read her story on a local radio station.



Elaine has a very well modulated speaking voice and has had some acting experience. She was an extra in the movie "Hannibal" and also in the Baltimore version of the Australian TV series, "Homicide, Life on the Street".



We think that only two of the deer survived, because every once in a while, we see two young deer jumping and running while their mama quietly observes. We have been told that a birth of three deer is an unusual occurence. Elaine noticed that the first two baby deer jumped right up and started moving about, but the third was kind of sluggish. Recently, we placed a salt block near where the deer congregate sometimes, hoping to get them into position so we can take a good photo of the family together.





03. Math. U.K. researchers have determined that giving a slight electrical shock over the right ear improves a person's math abilities for months. Some of my friends tell me that a good smack on a child's butt by a father improves scholastic ability as well.



04. Sarah. Golly! Gee whiz! Alaska is a dangerous but energizing place. How do you like her "reality show?"



05. Deficit cutting. Cut Social Security. - No way! Cut Medicare. - No way! Cut the Federal workforce. - Are you crazy? Cut earmarks. - Sure (but not really.. because how else can I produce for my constituents and get re-elected?) Raise gasoline tax. - Ouch!

The cure for it all.. 100% employment. (Or.. steal back the billions of dollars that the Iraqis and Afghanis have been stealing from us for years now.)



06. Jailhouse lawyer. A prisoner is suing the parents of a boy he killed while driving 80 miles an hour. He says that the parents not forcing the boy to wear a helmet has caused him great emotional pain and suffering. He has ten more years to endure this pain.. hopefully, he will be able to endure it for the full ten years and not be given an early release.



07. Hyper-texting. Hyper-texters send at least 120 text messages a day. Would somebody explain to me what these messages could possibly impart? I remember visiting a friend's home many years ago, before texting, but when online messaging was in its infancy. His son had an internet connection on his PC and was engaged in this kind of interplay of messages.

"Hi."
"Hi."
"Waddaya doin today?"
"Nothin. Waddaya doin today?"
"Nothin. Want to come over?"
"Nope.. We got company."
"Can I come over?"
"Yes."
"What can we do?"
"I dont know. What can we do?"

etc... more of the same.



At the time, everybody thought this was cute.. after all, the kids involved were 8 years old.

In the future, the world will be populated with people with giant thumbs and no speaking ability.



08. Hyper-networkers. These are people, not necessarily kids, who spend three or more hours on social network sites like Facebook. I wonder how much of this time is spent playing online games. Some people mix media.. for instance, some people seem to treat Facebook entries like Twitter entries. "I'm going to the grocery store now." "I''m back from the grocery store now."

Come on, give me a break! Luckily, one can block Facebook entries and not have to tell the blockee that they are blocked, so no feelings are hurt.



09. Come on, Dick! The Week magazine cites a tabloid entry that quotes Dick Van Dyke saying that once he fell asleep on his surfboard and when he woke up, porpoises pushed him all the way in to shore. Dick, did you bang your head when you tripped over the hassock?



10. By the beard of the prophet! Another qoted tabloid entry mentions that two guys confessed to forcing a man to eat his own beard.

I've decided not to be Santa Claus this year. I had a job offer back in Spring, and I said that I might try it. But now.. after reading some David Sidaris stories, I don't thing I want to have the experience of little kids climbing on my lap, pulling my beard, vomiting on my knees, .... you get the picture.



11. Carlin. Yesterday, I bought the book Last Words, a memoir by George Carlin, with an assist by Tony Hendra. In reading the introcuction by Tony, I realized that he was the guy who wrote about Father Joe, a great read.


I note that the seven words made famous by George Carlin are being used more and more often by people on Facebook. Even some of my grandchildren are using such words once in a while. I realize that these are only "words" and one should not get upset upon hearing them. However, the young person that uses these words should realize that some older people who might be helpful to them in the future may be placing them in a category of people that they do not care to help, based on their vocabulary.



I loved George Carlin, and I enjoyed his humor. I have reservations about so-called comedians who must rely on George's seven words to be funny. They have not understood George's genius as a humorist. To show that you can be funny even without using the seven words, visit my joke blog.



http://joevaughansjokes.blogspot.com/



12. Devastating insight. Those ubiquitous U.K. researchers have now discovered that some dogs are pessimistic. How on earth did they discover that. Cats? Maybe. But, surely not dogs.
I think their research is in error. All the dogs I know seem to be happy go lucky and glad to see you.



Blogs rhyme with dogs, and my theory is that blogs, like dogs, should all be optimistic.



And I'm glad that you took time out of your busy day to visit my blog.
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Weekly Dozen

Let's see if I can come up with 12 weird news items and random thoughts for the first week in 2010. Some of these items were mentioned in Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and others came from radio, TV, newspaper or magazine sources.. and some from my own aging brain.

01. Why do software developers make you open a string of years to get to your own year of birth? In my case, it takes me a long time to scroll through all those years until I hit my year.

And besides, it's depressing to know that I am that old! Instead, they could just say "type in your year of birth." And why do they need to know how old you are anyway? Teenagers lie about their age to be thought older and old folks lie about their age to be thought younger.

So.. my suggestion to the software developers would be: just say: "Pick a year of birth that pleases you."

02. 3D TV is coming! Flushed with the success of the Avatar movie, some enterprising persons are getting it ready to spring on the U.S. market. (Will we have to wear special glasses? Will our cats and dogs be scared? Our cat, SuZee watches TV with us and sometimes sudden movements make her jump.)

03. I wonder is anyone has thought of a new way to fill the country's ailing coffers: selling pictures from full body scans at airports. As I understand it, faces will be blanked out, so nobody will recognize who the person in (save in a few exceptional cases).. the best buyers of this material would probably be Middle School boys, and they are the ones who seem to have the most disposable income.

Actually, to expand on that, the Government could sell viewing tickets.. or maybe, plug the scans into a 24 hour closed circuit cable channel selling subscriptions like is done for HBO and the like. Perhaps some new kind of game shows or reality TV could be developed from this. The possibilities are endless.

04. I understand that the Pope will now be copyrighted... I wonder what that means. Does that have anthing to do with being knocked down by that crazy lady?

05. Some sharks have been implanted with radio devices that automatically text where they are so that lifeguards can warn swimmers. (Texting sharks.. what next?)

06. The inventor of the McDonald's Quarter Pounder died recently. I wonder what the cause of death was.

07. Would you believe this? (Frequent flyers know this already.) Sky Mall sells an eyeball massager!

08. Due to the current cold weather in Florida, chilled iguanas are falling out of trees.

09. A Dr. Frankel has suggested that Mona Lisa's smile was caused by high cholesterol. (Hey.. maybe we all could have our pictures painted to help our doctors in their diagnostic activity.)

10. Watch out! Apparently, some jokesters are putting baking soda in ketchup bottles in some restaurants. When the cap is opened, the ketchup explodes onto your nice new necktie. (Guess what's going to happen when the word gets out about this one.)

11. Hewlett Packard has developed a new web cam that automatically follows you.. as long as you are a pale white person.

12. Someone has developed a transparent toaster. Now you can get your toast just right.

Bonus:

Left shoe thieves are at it again in Sweden.

Leno may be coming back to his old time slot.

After being treated for chest pains, Rush Limbaugh (multi-millionaire) says that the US health system doesn't need fixing.

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More Wait Wait Info from Nov 7, 2009

One learns so much from NPR's great show: Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! For instance, today I was amazed to learn this information:

01. The 7-11 stores will be selling their own brand of wine shortly. (As this was mentioned, the music in the background had what sounded like these lyrics: "I've got cheap wine, and free time...")

02. The hard hat was invented by Franz Kafka. (I find this utterly fantastic, but one should not be too surprised by anything that Mr. Kafka created.)

03. Someone somewhere has combined an MP3 player with a tazer.

04. Coco Krispies boxes boasted that the cereal could boost children's immunity. (But probably not to diabetes, someone said.) According to a television report last night, the company may have agreed to take the boast off the box.

05. According to a study, 22% of male texters are ending their messages with "hugs and kisses" symbols. (Cute!)

06. It was reported that a judge somewhere visited x-rated adult book stores hundreds of times recently. The judge said that he went to the store because they had such delicious chicken soup in their vending machine.

07. A Canadian study found that pregnant women who have a lot of morning sickness end up with babies with high IQ's. (Ok, fellow Mensa members, what do you think of that?)

08. Another study found that bad drivers are not to blame for their problems.. they inherited the traits from genes passed on from their parents.

09. In Germany, some inventive advertising person placed banners on flies legs and they displayed his messages as they flew about the audience.

10. South Korean cab drivers are now allowed to watch TV while they drive.

11. A woman called 911 to report that she was driving drunk. (or maybe to report all those cars that were driving on the wrong side of the freeway.)
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Saturday Musings

Thoughts from an August Saturday in 2009.

01. Justice Sotomayor was sworn in this morning. A big win for Mr. Obama.

02. A New York newspaper headline read: Bill Can Still Get Women!

03. Former Westminster, Maryland mayor, Kevin Dayhoff, has a very interesting piece about President Warren G. Harding, in the Carroll Eagle for Sunday August 9, 2009. I enjoyed the article, but I would have liked to have also read something about the "money pit."

According to some accounts, members of Warren's White House team purchased a DC row house and dug a big hole in the yard. People wanting favors from Washington would stop by the house and drop money into the hole. Of course, that was back in the "old days".. money is now placed in less obvious places, such as refrigerator freezers.

Take a look at Kevin's pieces, you will like them, and I think you can access them at his website: www.westminstermarylandonline.net, or www.explorecarroll.com. I don't think he would mind me mentioning these sites.

04. I've been wondering how Government statistics handle those kids who have been working all Summer, and will now leave to go back to school.

05. DC lawyers are suing to allow gun owners to carry concealed weapons. This may work in Texas, but in DC? One of my uncles carried a concealed weapon in Massachusetts because he had been robbed a couple of times. He told me that he was very glad that he never had to use it. He did practice target shooting.

In my own thinking, carrying a weapon, concealed or not, can cause some macho guys to become more macho and arrogant. However, as I may have mentioned in a blog entry before, I had a run-in with a guy during an accident and was restrained from hitting him by a State Trooper. The Trooper saved my life, because the man I was aiming at carried a shotgun in the cab of his truck, just at arm reach level. Since then, I have been overly polite in driving situations, and have even taken the blame for problems to avoid confrontation.

06. Why are light bulbs in the Florida Edison museum still burning after 80 years, when mine burn out in a few weeks?

07. Good news for texters in Iowa: Now, if you text while driving and have an accident, you can text the accident information to 911 by texting, rather than by telephone.

08. Some people believe that alien reptiles are ruling our world.. a couple of rulers mentioned as being alien reptiles in disguise are Queen Elizabeth and George W. Bush.

09. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me (WWDTM) suggests a "cash for chunkers" program. Set a goal for yourself to love weight and get paid if you reach it. I wonder if they could detect people who use liposuction.

10. WWDTM reports that the most hated word in English is "moist" .. apparently there are Facebook sites for people who don't like it. I wonder why? I like that "oi" sound... I especially think that the phrase ""Oy Weh!" is a perfect way to comment on bodily aches and pains.. and when one hears a particular lousy joke, "OY!" seems to me to be a very appropriate response.

11. Hurry and sign up for the caravan leaving for the Gobi Desert to track down the elusive acid-spitting Mongolian worm.

12. The word "caravan" reminds me of an Arab saying that is appropriate for the current situation of rude hecklers at Town Meetings.. "The dogs bark, but the caravan travels on." That could also pertain to the negative activity following the Sotomayor nomination.

13. WWDTM also reports that a thong tied to many helium balloons got tangled in electrical lines in England and caused a large power outage. (Larry the Cable Guy calls thongs worn by women: Hiney Floss.)

14. Vladimir Putin continues to be a daredevil and exert his manhood. Recently he dove one mile down in a submersible to the bottom of Lake Baikal. Hey, that is a long way down. I wonder what he did about the "bends"? Now.. think about that, and also think about the fact that Russian atomic subs have been spotted patroling the Atlantic near the US. What is going on? Where is Jules Verne when we need him??

15. Finally... The two Austrian towns that bear names that are naughty words in English have decided not to change their names, even though they hate all those crazy "Englishers" coming to town to have their pictures taken under town signs.

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July 11, 2009 Breaking News

News of vital interest from several Saturday sources:

01. British firefighters answered a call from a lady who excitedly said that her TV was on fire. She had just bought a new HD set and was watching a news picture of a burning building. Firemen put out the fire by changing the channel for her.

02. Church attendees are now being encouraged to text message their friends during church services if they like what is going on and the spirit moves them.

03. A recent study learned that pigeons can tell good art from bad. The birds were given examples of both types of art (in the studiers' opinions) and found that the birds pecked mainly on the "good" art. (Maybe the examiners were studying the wrong ends of the pigeons.)

04. Another study showed that cockroaches get fat from eating unhealthy food.

(Who pays for these studies?)

05. Afghanistan's only pig (see prior blog) has now been freed and allowed back in the Afghan zoo.

06. Methodist Bishops have agreed to cut their pay. (!)

07. Casey Kasem retired after 40 years. (Recently I turned on an XM music channel and the DJ sure sounded like the Kasem I remember from years ago. Guess what, it was him. So then I thought that it was a rebroadcast from long ago. Nope.. it was him today.. I think that his distinctive voice has not changed in 40 years.)

08. General Motors has exited from bankruptcy. Does this mean that my GM stock is worth something afterall? If so, I need to rescue my shreded certificates and glue them back together.

09. A New Jersey brewery is naming its beers after exits on the New Jersey Turnpike. "Exit 11" is coming out this month.

10. Iran's Achmmedenijahd (or whatever) tried to kill a fly like President Obama did during a video presentation.. he failed miserably, but Iranian press reports will probably say that he killed it, and did it much faster than Obama.

11. Scotland Yard installed mini-cams on police helmets. They have worked well, except that a few have caught fire. (Peter Sellers and Benny Hill would have loved this one.)

Finally.. for those who listen to Old Time Radio on WAMU-FM on Sunday evenings, Ed Walker, the host, has been nominated to the Radio Hall of Fame. If you are so inclined, you can vote for him at www.wamu.org.

Also, if you want to add fun to your day, you could add www.twitter.com/waitwait to your visits.

Adios!