Here are some new items mixed in with old items:
01. 2010: Solution to the monetary crisis: Even though the State of Missouri is having so many financial problems, they feel good that they have figured a way out of the situation. They will deduct $1 every week from their Governor's salary to invest in PowerBall, or whatever that Lottery is called. All money won will be used to pay down Missouri's debt.
02. 1998: Diabetes: CBS reports that an insulin inhaler is being developed. (Was it developed? I think that they already had the "pump" at that time.
03. 2010: Carotid clearance: A study has reported that a stent procedure to clear a clogged carotid artery works just as well as an operation. (Why didn't they tell me that two years ago!)
04. 2010: "Chips": In Britain, they are trying to develop a "chip" made out of meat. (Would that be a "potato chip" or a "chip" as in Britain's famous "fish and chips"?)
I wish I could find a place to eat true English fish and chips! You can get it back in New Bedford, Massachusetts, but I have not found the same thing anywhere in the Mid-Atlantic. The closest was at Arthur Treacher's Restaurant, but they closed down all of those places anywhere near where I live. I think there might be one left in Maryland somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.
05. 1998: WOW Chips: Speaking of "chips", in 1998 the FDA gave a "thumbs up" to Olestra. Products using it were supposed to be still high calorie, but have no fat grams. I tried some of them at the time and found that they did not like my digestion and haven't tried them since, knowingly. I guess you can still get Olestra products in the Super Market.
06. 2010: Mr. Toyoda: I have wondered why the head of the family-based car company doesn't have the same name as the car. I heard today, somewhere, that it is because the stroke for "T" is not as lucky as the stroke for "D" in Japanese ideograms, so it was changed.. (maybe they should have changed the stroke for the car name also, and they might not be having so many problems.)
Incidentally, I took my RAV4 in to the Toyota dealer for my 5,000 maintenance, and while I was there, they did the recall fix for the accelerator.
By the way, to graduate from a Japanese grammar school, a student must know 881 characters (ideograms). To graduate from High School, a student must know 1,850, and to read at a college level, a student must know 3,000.
All of these characters are built up from less than 300 elements or pictures. These pictures were drawn by the Chinese similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics. The Japanese borrowed these characters from the Chinese over 2,000 years ago.
07. 1998: Leo Buscaglia: One of my favorite people passed away on June 12, 1998. Leo Buscaglia was a California professor who taught a class in LOVE. In addition to his class, he gave televised lectures on the subject and wrote a number of books about love.
Luckily, I taped his presentations whenever I found them on TV. His whole life was built around letting people know what love was all about. At his lectures, everyone was hugged by him before they left. His death was a great loss to the world, in my opinion.
My cousin, Charlie, and his family live in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and attend a Baptist church there. The preacher, until a few years ago, was from Baltimore and had a Bethlehem Steel background. I visited the church a few times and the preacher always had a line waiting for him after the services. They were waiting to get a hug from him. What a great idea! I don't see or experience many hugs any more. Perhaps it is because of a fear of the flu. I have read that hugs are good medicine and buttress our immune systems.. maybe after the flu goes away, we can get back to hugging.
08. 2010: Cartalk definitions:
Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
MacAdam: The first Scotsman.
09. 1998: Airline crashes: Tom Snyder (Remember him? The 6'8" Late Late Show host .. replaced by 6'8" Conan O'Brien!) said that statistics showed that more people are killed by donkeys each year than are killed in airline crashes. (Let that be a lesson to you!)
10. 2010: Healthy flies: A college professor has developed a method for exercising fruit flies so they will be healthier for use in experiments.
Time flies like the wind,
Fruit flies like bananas.
11. 2010: Accident: It had to happen. Two police segways crashed into each other. (By the way, did you know that the first automobile accident in the U. S. occured in Baltimore?)
12. 2010: Vital statistics:
The most dangerous food in the U.S. is the hot dog. (Apparently, children choke on them, and scientists are trying to change their shape to make them safer.)
The laziest people in the world live in the United States. (Maybe that fruit fly professor should come up with an innovative way for everyone to exercise.)
Bonus
1998 and 2010: Words: Back in 1998, I read where no word rhymes with month, purple or orange. I have been trying since then to find words that did complete those rhymes. No luck, yet. Perhaps my long-lost brother Joe (if he is reading this) may have found some already since he is a noted word expert.
Can you find rhyming words for month, purple or orange?
Showing posts with label Conan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conan. Show all posts
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Weekly Dozen News Items for Jan 23, 2010
I can never vouch for the accuracy or truthfulness of the items I mention, but the last amazing item (#13) today seems to be completely true, except for the comment attached.
01. Hammacher-Schlemmer has marketed a bug vacuum stick. A cordless device for sucking up little creatures. I wonder why this hadn't been thought of before?
02. A guy with the kind-of familiar Maryland name of Glen Bell just died. It was interesting to note that he founded the restaurant with the name of Taco Bell. (Old joke: Karnak's Answer-Question: What is the name of the Mexican telephone company?)
By the way: why doesn't some enterprising person start up an 11:30 pm nightly show with videos of old Johnny Carson shows? I'll bet it would get fantastic ratings.. at least with the "over 60" crowd.
03. Attendees at a Weight Watchers meeting in Sweden were surprised when the floor collapsed. Luckily, no one was hurt and they continued with their "weigh-in".
04. Fred Friendly hinted that Senators at first called Harry Truman "the Pendergast Senator" (after the influence of Kansas City Missouri boss, Tom Pendergast). (Now, after the Supreme Court ruling the other day.. we may live to see "The Exxon Senator" or the "WalMart President.)
05. Pat Robertson recently mentioned that Haitian leaders once called upon Satan to help them get rid of the French, and hinted that this is why they had the earthquake. I read that he is right about the leaders invoking Satan.. however, his "it's your own fault" attitude bothers me, as well as his assurance that he can do anything through prayer.
I seem to remember that when a hurricane was about to hit an east-coast town, he prayed long and hard that it would not hit that town.. it swerved at the last minute and the town was saved.. he took credit for saving the town through prayer and saving lives...however, the next town over was hit by the hurricane instead... What about them?
06. Kind of related: Rifles with coded Christian Bible verses on their sights have recently been provided to U.S. Soldiers serving in Arab countries. The Pentagon has now asked the company to stop the practise and provide a means to remove the words on the rifles that have already been received. Supposedly, Moslems learned about the verses and it gave more fuel to the thinking that Christianity is out to destroy them.
07. Watch out! A subway rider in the Queens is taking pictures of people picking their noses and is posting them to the web.
08. Susan Boyle was heard shouting obscenities while singing into a mop... or so it was said by a probably unreliable source.
09. During a Google study of 7-year olds using the Internet, they were asked: "What day of the week will the Vice President's next birthday fall on?" Some kids didn't get further than looking at the "squarepants" site.. but some that did use a search engine, quit after seeing the first page of results. It was noted that boys quit their searches earlier than girls.
10. A British math expert has come up with a formula for making parallel parking easy: Items in the formula that must be considered:
a. The radius of the car's turning circle.
b. The car's wheel base.
c. The distance from the front wheel to the back bumper.
d. The width of the car that is on the right.
11. In a Great Britain department store, you can have access to a gift registry for couples that are getting divorced.
12. Remember the burglar who stole a king-size bed? Well, another burglar last week broke into a house, piled up what he wanted, and then, before he left, fried up a mass of chicken, poured some beer and watched TV for a while.
Bonus
13. The item I mentioned at the start:
At a Holiday Inn in England, a notorious place for cold clammy sheets, a staff person will be assigned to come up to your room before you turn in and "warm up your bed" by laying between the sheets and rolling around for a while!
(Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me suggested that being a "giant British bed warmer" might be a good job for an unemployed Conan O'Brien.)
......................................................................
01. Hammacher-Schlemmer has marketed a bug vacuum stick. A cordless device for sucking up little creatures. I wonder why this hadn't been thought of before?
02. A guy with the kind-of familiar Maryland name of Glen Bell just died. It was interesting to note that he founded the restaurant with the name of Taco Bell. (Old joke: Karnak's Answer-Question: What is the name of the Mexican telephone company?)
By the way: why doesn't some enterprising person start up an 11:30 pm nightly show with videos of old Johnny Carson shows? I'll bet it would get fantastic ratings.. at least with the "over 60" crowd.
03. Attendees at a Weight Watchers meeting in Sweden were surprised when the floor collapsed. Luckily, no one was hurt and they continued with their "weigh-in".
04. Fred Friendly hinted that Senators at first called Harry Truman "the Pendergast Senator" (after the influence of Kansas City Missouri boss, Tom Pendergast). (Now, after the Supreme Court ruling the other day.. we may live to see "The Exxon Senator" or the "WalMart President.)
05. Pat Robertson recently mentioned that Haitian leaders once called upon Satan to help them get rid of the French, and hinted that this is why they had the earthquake. I read that he is right about the leaders invoking Satan.. however, his "it's your own fault" attitude bothers me, as well as his assurance that he can do anything through prayer.
I seem to remember that when a hurricane was about to hit an east-coast town, he prayed long and hard that it would not hit that town.. it swerved at the last minute and the town was saved.. he took credit for saving the town through prayer and saving lives...however, the next town over was hit by the hurricane instead... What about them?
06. Kind of related: Rifles with coded Christian Bible verses on their sights have recently been provided to U.S. Soldiers serving in Arab countries. The Pentagon has now asked the company to stop the practise and provide a means to remove the words on the rifles that have already been received. Supposedly, Moslems learned about the verses and it gave more fuel to the thinking that Christianity is out to destroy them.
07. Watch out! A subway rider in the Queens is taking pictures of people picking their noses and is posting them to the web.
08. Susan Boyle was heard shouting obscenities while singing into a mop... or so it was said by a probably unreliable source.
09. During a Google study of 7-year olds using the Internet, they were asked: "What day of the week will the Vice President's next birthday fall on?" Some kids didn't get further than looking at the "squarepants" site.. but some that did use a search engine, quit after seeing the first page of results. It was noted that boys quit their searches earlier than girls.
10. A British math expert has come up with a formula for making parallel parking easy: Items in the formula that must be considered:
a. The radius of the car's turning circle.
b. The car's wheel base.
c. The distance from the front wheel to the back bumper.
d. The width of the car that is on the right.
11. In a Great Britain department store, you can have access to a gift registry for couples that are getting divorced.
12. Remember the burglar who stole a king-size bed? Well, another burglar last week broke into a house, piled up what he wanted, and then, before he left, fried up a mass of chicken, poured some beer and watched TV for a while.
Bonus
13. The item I mentioned at the start:
At a Holiday Inn in England, a notorious place for cold clammy sheets, a staff person will be assigned to come up to your room before you turn in and "warm up your bed" by laying between the sheets and rolling around for a while!
(Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me suggested that being a "giant British bed warmer" might be a good job for an unemployed Conan O'Brien.)
......................................................................
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
The State of Comedy Today
What has happened to comedy? I believe that the test of a comedian's worth is how he or she can tell a joke or a humorous story without resorting to off-color material. Anybody can be funny to an eleven year old audience with fart jokes. It takes a competent funny person to appeal to an audience of adults. with intelligent funny material.
I have a group of stand-up comedians that I admire and I always try to view or hear their routines whenever I can. Therefore, recently I heard an announcement for a "humor night" on one of the TV stations. The program would consist of five or six stand-up comedians doing their bits. Two of the comedians were to be my favorites, John Pinette and Kathleen Madigan. I immediately set up my DVR to tape the show, in case I missed it.
When I viewed the tape I was surprised at what I saw. First, there was a sophomoric routine by Martin Short.. extremely unfunny, unless you were ten years old. Then there were 5 minute skits by several comedians. Tom Papa tried to be funny... he failed miserably. Greg Geraldo, who I have heard on XM radio as a funny guy.. seriously bombed. A couple of other guys also bombed.
But, I had set up to tape the show because I would be able to see two of my favorites: Kathleen Madigan and John Pinette. Kathleen was a disappointment. Not like her routines that I look forward to on XM radio's Laugh USA. (But still, I will keep my link to her facebook and twitter accounts.)
John Pinette was kind of funny, but not at his best. Not one : I say "nay, nay" during the bit.
Martin Short was, how should I say this delicately, LOUSY!
I was very disappointed. But, I will not give up on my favorites, Madigan and Pinette. Surely, their routines were cut down to fit into the show's time frame. They had to be.. they are much funnier than they showed themselves on this show.
While we are on the subject, let me make a prediction... Conan will bomb. Sorry.. but I feel that Conan is not a funny man.. not as funny as Jay Leno and definitely nowhere as funny as Johnny Carson or Jack Paar or Steve Allen. The Tonite Show has survived for years because some of the writing was funny.. but (in my opinion) Conan's writers are "out to lunch".
Since the writers' strike, Leno's monologues suffered from a dearth of funny material. If he didn't have Paris or Michael or some Senator or other to make fun of, he would not have anything to say. We did like his "Headlines" schtick. If his show contained nothing but that, he would have been good. Unfortunately, he also had pretty young "airhead" stars to interview.. most of whom could not carry on an intelligent conversation.
Why can't the Tonight Show go back to the Jack Paar mode.. where everything was live and it was exciting to watch... you never knew what was going to be said next.. !!!
Oh well, perhaps we should just learn to be senior citizens and go to bed at 9 pm. Or, at least, watch our netflix movies instead of wasting our time with late network shows.
I have a group of stand-up comedians that I admire and I always try to view or hear their routines whenever I can. Therefore, recently I heard an announcement for a "humor night" on one of the TV stations. The program would consist of five or six stand-up comedians doing their bits. Two of the comedians were to be my favorites, John Pinette and Kathleen Madigan. I immediately set up my DVR to tape the show, in case I missed it.
When I viewed the tape I was surprised at what I saw. First, there was a sophomoric routine by Martin Short.. extremely unfunny, unless you were ten years old. Then there were 5 minute skits by several comedians. Tom Papa tried to be funny... he failed miserably. Greg Geraldo, who I have heard on XM radio as a funny guy.. seriously bombed. A couple of other guys also bombed.
But, I had set up to tape the show because I would be able to see two of my favorites: Kathleen Madigan and John Pinette. Kathleen was a disappointment. Not like her routines that I look forward to on XM radio's Laugh USA. (But still, I will keep my link to her facebook and twitter accounts.)
John Pinette was kind of funny, but not at his best. Not one : I say "nay, nay" during the bit.
Martin Short was, how should I say this delicately, LOUSY!
I was very disappointed. But, I will not give up on my favorites, Madigan and Pinette. Surely, their routines were cut down to fit into the show's time frame. They had to be.. they are much funnier than they showed themselves on this show.
While we are on the subject, let me make a prediction... Conan will bomb. Sorry.. but I feel that Conan is not a funny man.. not as funny as Jay Leno and definitely nowhere as funny as Johnny Carson or Jack Paar or Steve Allen. The Tonite Show has survived for years because some of the writing was funny.. but (in my opinion) Conan's writers are "out to lunch".
Since the writers' strike, Leno's monologues suffered from a dearth of funny material. If he didn't have Paris or Michael or some Senator or other to make fun of, he would not have anything to say. We did like his "Headlines" schtick. If his show contained nothing but that, he would have been good. Unfortunately, he also had pretty young "airhead" stars to interview.. most of whom could not carry on an intelligent conversation.
Why can't the Tonight Show go back to the Jack Paar mode.. where everything was live and it was exciting to watch... you never knew what was going to be said next.. !!!
Oh well, perhaps we should just learn to be senior citizens and go to bed at 9 pm. Or, at least, watch our netflix movies instead of wasting our time with late network shows.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)