Last year this time, Maryland got over 40 inches of snow. We marked the drift height with magic marker on the door to our deck and its still there.. over 6 feet high. This year, we were blessed with near hurricane winds at the same time. Could it be Groundhog Revenge.. for being disturbed during hibernation?
Yesterday, I spent an hour on my stomach, during 60 MPH winds, trying with all kinds of tools to rescue our storm door from flying off into the ether. I'm glad that the temperature was above freezing. I spoke with Massachusetts relatives who were having the same blast of air, but with wind chills of way below zero.
I spoke with one of my aunts who was celebrating her 91st birthday. She has decided to start counting backwards each year. She is in great shape, so she should be around for a long time.. I hope so. I don't want to hear about any more of my relatives passing on. Since December 8th, I have lost four cousins.. and last week I lost my brother-in-law, Moe. Moe has been like a younger brother to me for over 50 years. During his life, Moe was a pilot, a fisherman, a bear hunter, the owner of an oil business, the owner of an oil-burner repair company, a chef, etc. Besides that, he looked like Sean Connery. He was definitely not your everyday commonplace person.
Once, I asked Moe how he hunted bear. He said that he built a "blind" in a tall pine tree in Maine. Then, he put bait around the bottom of the tree every so often, to get bears used to coming to the tree. Next, early on a cold Maine morning, he would climb up into the blind with his rifle and wait for a bear to come by looking for food. Moe then had one shot to kill the bear. If he missed, the bear would quickly climb up to the blind and have Moe for food.
Now for the news:
01. Iraq. According to the Scripps Howard News Service, Rafid Ahmed Alwan al-Janabi gave "secret information" about Saddam Hussein's biological weapons to the West.. such information is supposed to have been considered in our decision to attack Iraq. Rafid's codename of "Curveball"
was appropriate because he now says that he lied. I wonder how his confession sounds to the survivors of 100,000 dead Iraqis? You just cannot trust anybody these days, can you.
02. Mute? I'm told that this is the fifth year in a row when Justice Clarence Thomas has not said even one word of interrogation during Supreme Court pleadings. One hopes that he will recuse himself from the upcoming Health Care deliberations because of what I have read about his wife's supposed connections with insurance interests.
03. Phobia. I just learned that the word anthophobia is defined as the fear of roses. So, for all guys who forgot to get flowers for Valentines Day, they can tell their girl friends that they just didn't want them to get scared.
04. Another phobia: I also learned that the word pogonophobia is defined as the fear of beards. So, this must have been why I refused to take the Santa Claus job this Winter. I did not want to scare little kids.
I must admit that I am afraid to shave off my beard because there may be lots of wrinkles under there. A lady told me the other day that I certainly did not have many wrinkles for a man of my age.. am I to assume that she has x-ray vision when it comes to beards? If she saw me in my bathing suit, she might change her mind.
05. Swimmers. Speaking of bathing suits.. I wonder if I can make a citizen's arrest of a couple of guys who show up to swim in a pool where we exercise each week. These two guys are in their 50's or 60's and have massive beer bellies that completely hide their "speedo's". A ghastly sight! At least, I wear boxer swim trunks pulled up high over my belly so I don't shock the sensibilities of my fellow swimmers. (There oughta be a law!)
06. Freebie: The following classified ad was published in the Carroll County (Maryland) Times some time ago: Free: "Rooster: 6 month old Bantam, black with beautiful coloring throughout. Must be for pet only. Great for a horse farm. His name is Chase, because that is what is does."
07. Absolution App: Great news. I've heard that there is an IPHONE app that can be used to store your sins until the end of the week, when they can be downloaded to a priest of your choice. This should be a great time-saver.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-12391129
When I first began courting my late wife, we frequented a Polish Catholic church for mass. The mass at her French-Canadian neighborhood church sometimes lasted for two hours on a Sunday morning. However, the Polish church mass was on Saturday night and lasted for just a half hour. Another great time saver.. we thought. Her parents didn't seem to care for the idea, but except for the announcements being in Polish instead of French, the Latin was the same.
08. Pew. Speaking of church, over the years, we became rather remiss in church attendance, in fact, once we lived very close to a Catholic church, but had never been inside. However, upon the birth of our first daughter, my wife's parents took a trip to Maryland to see the baby. Since they would be in Maryland on Sunday, they wanted to go to mass.
Not wanting to tell them the secret of our non-attendance, I lied to them and said that we went to the nearby church for mass. Since my wife had to stay with the baby, I escorted her parents to the church, which was filled with people. I did not see any available pews to sit in. However, there was a flight of stairs off to the side, so I guided my in-laws up the steps. My father-in-law, said: "Are you sure we are supposed to go up here?" I suavely lied: "Of course, we sit up there every Sunday."
As we left the steps, a loud voiced robed man informed us that nobody except the choir was allowed to be in the "choir loft." I was CAUGHT! However, taking into consideration that I wasn't really a catholic, they forgave me, but I'm sure they felt that a hypocritical liar like me would never make it to that "paradise" called Heaven.
09. Paradise: And with apologies to Samuel Taylor Coleridge, I herewith quote some lyrics by a musical group called Rush...
"To seek the sacred river Alph
To walk the caves of ice
To break my fast on honey dew
And drink the milk of Paradise."
10. Found: Another classified ad in the newspaper: "Found: Cat/Kitten, black female, medium hair, very friendly. Arrived at the landfill on the back of a trash truck."
11. Telly belly: I don't know if I read this or saw it on TV. Somebody has developed a mini speaker device that one can swallow and then play through the stomach.. at least for a little while. I wonder if the developer got the idea from the news item of a lady dropping her cell phone into the mouth of a crocodile?
12. Slightly naughty joke: A young couple made love in a cemetery, on a grave slab in the ground. The next day, the girl had a back ache and went to a doctor who examined her and asked: "How old are you?" The girl said: "Why do you ask?" The doctor replied: "Because on you butt it says: 'died in 1933'."
............................................................................................................
Showing posts with label bear hunting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bear hunting. Show all posts
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ Jan 30, 2010
Today, I am going to talk about some news items, but also some other things that my ancient brain thinks about a lot.
01. SNAP,CRACKLE,POP: This is the fiftieth anniversary of bubble wrap. What did we do without it before?
02. MARMITE: I have always heard that British people love to spread marmite on their bread. However, I have also heard that it is nasty. I had to try it myself. This morning I did. YES! It is nasty! I am trying everything I can think of to get rid of the taste in my mouth.
As a yeast product, I'm sure this product is good for you.. but apparently it requires a lot of getting used to. I'm sorry.. I'm too old to take the time to aquire a taste for it. I will stick to jam or jelly on my toast in the morning.
03. FEBRUARY 2ND: Animal rights folks feel that Punxatawny Phil should be replaced by a fake groundhog.
04. SPECIAL LICENSE PLATES FOR REPEAT DRUNK DRIVERS: A Maryland State Delegate has proposed a special plate for repeat drunk drivers. It would be bright yellow and would have the first three letters of the plate showing DUI. Some other states have the procedure in place already; for instance, Ohio and Minnesota, where cars with such special plates are avoided by other drivers. Begging some questions:
Why not expand this to include convicted felons, child molesters, and deadbeats?
What about innocent family members who have to ride in cars with such tags?
Have the delegates read The Scarlet Letter?
05. UNCONSUMATED DIVORCE: Under current Maryland law, a couple must live apart for one year before an uncontested divorce can be granted. A Maryland lawmaker wants to change that to require that a couple not have sex for one year instead. (What would Governor Marvin Mandel say about that?)
06. STRIP-SEARCHING: Last year, Maryland Senators held a hearing where women who said that they had been victimized by strip-searching were to testify. None of them showed up because of embarassment. Senators still passed an anti-strip-search bill, but it was killed in a House committee. A similar bill will be pushed again this year and it is expected that at least one woman will testify. Questions:
Will the bill address the following situation? A while ago, a judge found that Baltimore County police acted unreasonably when they searched the buttock cheeks of a suspected drug dealer in a car wash.
Should the police be given "see-through" equipment like they now have at airports?
07. ART NEWS: Somebody tripped and put a hand through a painting by Picasso. Curators are now in a quandary about how to tell what is damage and what is art.
I visited a Picasso exhibition in 1955 in Cologne, Germany, where I could have bought Picasso prints for a very cheap price. Unfortunately, I could only afford to pay for a colorful book outlining all of the works on display.. which probably still would be worth a lot on EBAY (why would I want to put a price on art?)
Also, in London, an artist's modernistic work consisting of filled ashtrays, bottles and plastic cups was swept up and disposed of by a custodian. (In this case, I think he did the right thing.)
08. IPAD: Steve Jobs introduced the new IPAD with the unfortunate name, and the catch phrase: Hold the Internet in your hands. Someone said that the IPAD looks like an IPHONE for the elderly.
I visited the local Verizon store and told a salesman that I was thinking of switching to an IPHONE and could he persuade me to buy a DROID instead. He told me that under the terms of my current agreement, if I purchase the DROID right now, it will cost me $600, but if I wait until May, I will be able to pay only $150. Now, what would you do?
09. YOUNG HUNTERS: Recently, newspapers have been publishing pictures of young hunters standing next to their "kills", some as young as nine years old.
Question:
Would you want to be walking through woods where a nine-year-old is busy stalking Bambi?
I can see a need to cull deer populations, and I think that the meat that is not needed should be donated to the poor. However, I think that the hunters of such deer should be at least 25 years old, when their medula oblongatas have matured enough so that they can tell the difference between a young child in a bright red coat and an 8-point buck.
When I was 16 years old, two of my buddies asked me to accompany them on a raccoon hunting trip. I did not own a rifle and wasn't sure I wanted to hunt anyway, so I declined. During the hunting trip, one of my 16 year-old friends accidently shot and killed my other 16 year-old friend. That cinched it for me. No hunting.
I understand that the city of Fairfield, Connecticut has opened all of their parks to hunters. Watch your children, mama.
I've mentioned before that my brother-in-law is a bear hunter. Each year, he travels from Massachusetts to Maine to take care of his bear bait trap near the bottom of the tree where he has erected a platform from which to shoot a bear. After he feels that bears have gotten used to eating the bait, he climbs up the tree with his rifle, and waits for a good shot.
I asked him: But aren't bears good tree climbers? Suppose you miss your shot.
He replied: If you miss, it might be the last shot you will ever make, because that bear can make it up that tree to your spot in just a few seconds.
So, this "bears" out the old phrase: Sometimes you get the bear; sometimes the bear gets you.
10. BIBLICAL REFERENCE: Speaking of hunting, those who do cryptic-type crossword puzzles might enjoy this clue in a 1963 puzzle by Frank W. Lewis in The Nation magazine:
Salome wasn't the type Hemingway might have hired!
The answer: head bearer.
If you want to know more about cryptic puzzles or this clue in particular, let me know.
11. REPUBLICAN MATCHMAKERS?: The new Republican Senator for Massachusetts has daughters and the new Republican Governor of Virginia has twin sons. Both mentioned their progeny in recent speeches.
12. REPTILE INTELLIGENCE: London zookeepers say that they have taught some crocodiles to recognize their names. (Remember the song: Never smile at a crocodile...")
Bonus:
Important things to think about: TEETH AND JAIL:
Prisoners in certain jails will no longer be able to play "Dungeons and Dragons" in their cells and Massachusetts daycare providers will be required to brush their charges' teeth each day.
Suppose that jailers had to brush the teeth of their prisoners each day. This may seem silly, but there is a big problem with the cost of caring for prisoners' teeth..
probably most prisoners are the type of people who don't take care of their teeth and then when the damn things rot, the State has to pay a lot of money to a dentist to pull them..
I have it on good authority that dentists have to triple-glove to avoid getting HIV from mouth blood...and that means that not many dentists are willing to get involved with prisons.
On that note, I will bid you adieu, mes amis.
..................................................
01. SNAP,CRACKLE,POP: This is the fiftieth anniversary of bubble wrap. What did we do without it before?
02. MARMITE: I have always heard that British people love to spread marmite on their bread. However, I have also heard that it is nasty. I had to try it myself. This morning I did. YES! It is nasty! I am trying everything I can think of to get rid of the taste in my mouth.
As a yeast product, I'm sure this product is good for you.. but apparently it requires a lot of getting used to. I'm sorry.. I'm too old to take the time to aquire a taste for it. I will stick to jam or jelly on my toast in the morning.
03. FEBRUARY 2ND: Animal rights folks feel that Punxatawny Phil should be replaced by a fake groundhog.
04. SPECIAL LICENSE PLATES FOR REPEAT DRUNK DRIVERS: A Maryland State Delegate has proposed a special plate for repeat drunk drivers. It would be bright yellow and would have the first three letters of the plate showing DUI. Some other states have the procedure in place already; for instance, Ohio and Minnesota, where cars with such special plates are avoided by other drivers. Begging some questions:
Why not expand this to include convicted felons, child molesters, and deadbeats?
What about innocent family members who have to ride in cars with such tags?
Have the delegates read The Scarlet Letter?
05. UNCONSUMATED DIVORCE: Under current Maryland law, a couple must live apart for one year before an uncontested divorce can be granted. A Maryland lawmaker wants to change that to require that a couple not have sex for one year instead. (What would Governor Marvin Mandel say about that?)
06. STRIP-SEARCHING: Last year, Maryland Senators held a hearing where women who said that they had been victimized by strip-searching were to testify. None of them showed up because of embarassment. Senators still passed an anti-strip-search bill, but it was killed in a House committee. A similar bill will be pushed again this year and it is expected that at least one woman will testify. Questions:
Will the bill address the following situation? A while ago, a judge found that Baltimore County police acted unreasonably when they searched the buttock cheeks of a suspected drug dealer in a car wash.
Should the police be given "see-through" equipment like they now have at airports?
07. ART NEWS: Somebody tripped and put a hand through a painting by Picasso. Curators are now in a quandary about how to tell what is damage and what is art.
I visited a Picasso exhibition in 1955 in Cologne, Germany, where I could have bought Picasso prints for a very cheap price. Unfortunately, I could only afford to pay for a colorful book outlining all of the works on display.. which probably still would be worth a lot on EBAY (why would I want to put a price on art?)
Also, in London, an artist's modernistic work consisting of filled ashtrays, bottles and plastic cups was swept up and disposed of by a custodian. (In this case, I think he did the right thing.)
08. IPAD: Steve Jobs introduced the new IPAD with the unfortunate name, and the catch phrase: Hold the Internet in your hands. Someone said that the IPAD looks like an IPHONE for the elderly.
I visited the local Verizon store and told a salesman that I was thinking of switching to an IPHONE and could he persuade me to buy a DROID instead. He told me that under the terms of my current agreement, if I purchase the DROID right now, it will cost me $600, but if I wait until May, I will be able to pay only $150. Now, what would you do?
09. YOUNG HUNTERS: Recently, newspapers have been publishing pictures of young hunters standing next to their "kills", some as young as nine years old.
Question:
Would you want to be walking through woods where a nine-year-old is busy stalking Bambi?
I can see a need to cull deer populations, and I think that the meat that is not needed should be donated to the poor. However, I think that the hunters of such deer should be at least 25 years old, when their medula oblongatas have matured enough so that they can tell the difference between a young child in a bright red coat and an 8-point buck.
When I was 16 years old, two of my buddies asked me to accompany them on a raccoon hunting trip. I did not own a rifle and wasn't sure I wanted to hunt anyway, so I declined. During the hunting trip, one of my 16 year-old friends accidently shot and killed my other 16 year-old friend. That cinched it for me. No hunting.
I understand that the city of Fairfield, Connecticut has opened all of their parks to hunters. Watch your children, mama.
I've mentioned before that my brother-in-law is a bear hunter. Each year, he travels from Massachusetts to Maine to take care of his bear bait trap near the bottom of the tree where he has erected a platform from which to shoot a bear. After he feels that bears have gotten used to eating the bait, he climbs up the tree with his rifle, and waits for a good shot.
I asked him: But aren't bears good tree climbers? Suppose you miss your shot.
He replied: If you miss, it might be the last shot you will ever make, because that bear can make it up that tree to your spot in just a few seconds.
So, this "bears" out the old phrase: Sometimes you get the bear; sometimes the bear gets you.
10. BIBLICAL REFERENCE: Speaking of hunting, those who do cryptic-type crossword puzzles might enjoy this clue in a 1963 puzzle by Frank W. Lewis in The Nation magazine:
Salome wasn't the type Hemingway might have hired!
The answer: head bearer.
If you want to know more about cryptic puzzles or this clue in particular, let me know.
11. REPUBLICAN MATCHMAKERS?: The new Republican Senator for Massachusetts has daughters and the new Republican Governor of Virginia has twin sons. Both mentioned their progeny in recent speeches.
12. REPTILE INTELLIGENCE: London zookeepers say that they have taught some crocodiles to recognize their names. (Remember the song: Never smile at a crocodile...")
Bonus:
Important things to think about: TEETH AND JAIL:
Prisoners in certain jails will no longer be able to play "Dungeons and Dragons" in their cells and Massachusetts daycare providers will be required to brush their charges' teeth each day.
Suppose that jailers had to brush the teeth of their prisoners each day. This may seem silly, but there is a big problem with the cost of caring for prisoners' teeth..
probably most prisoners are the type of people who don't take care of their teeth and then when the damn things rot, the State has to pay a lot of money to a dentist to pull them..
I have it on good authority that dentists have to triple-glove to avoid getting HIV from mouth blood...and that means that not many dentists are willing to get involved with prisons.
On that note, I will bid you adieu, mes amis.
..................................................
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