Weekly Dozen @ March 5, 2010

Some of these items come from me, some from newspapers, and some from The Week magazine, a wonderful sheet that hits all sides of a story.

01. Famous Book Sale. The well-known Smith College in Massachusetts has an active alumni group in Maryland. They put on an annual book sale that is a book-lover's dream. I first discovered the sale while I was waiting for my first daughter to be born at a Baltimore hospital. (I won't tell you how many years ago that was because maybe my daughter doesn't want you to know how old she is.)

Over the years, I purchased thousands of books for my collection, mainly at their sales. (They sell gently-used books on any and all subjects.) When we made plans to move to our current location, I realized that I could not take all of these books with me, so I boxed them up, knowing that I could always donate them to the current year's sale. However, when the time came, I was told that they already had so many books to sell, they had no place to put my 118 boxes of books. (I have already written how I finally got rid of the books, so, if you want to know, call me up or search my blogs for Salvation Army.)

Anyway, this year's sale is the 52nd annual sale. It will take place on April 9-11 at the exhibition hall of the Maryland State Fairgrounds in Timonium, MD. Apparently that is the only site big enough to hold all of the books. I guarantee that if you go, you will get hooked, and start to amass your own gigantic library of great books. (... at cheap prices)

02. Intelligent Billing: Elaine got a bill today from a well-known company. It was a bill for $0.00 ! A nasty note was attached, saying, in effect, "If we do not receive your payment by March 31st, you will be required to pay a $0.00 late fee!"

03. Tricky Timing: The usually completely accurate magazine I mentioned above, gave the following information: "2010 is the year of Mark Twain, ... it marks the 100th anniversary of the American author's birth, and the 125th of the publication of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn..." He sure was a darn good writer to get stuff published even before he was born.

03 1/2. Telephone Help Desk: At today's AARP meeting, I was able to give my stand-up routine about a telephone call I made a while ago.

I called the 800 # for a well-known Internet provider. I had a problem and was not able to access the web. The call went something like this:

"Allo, wat is your name?"
"Joseph Vaughan"
"Allo, Yosef, wat is your broblem?"
"I cannot access the Internet."
"Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I do not understand gable."
"May I speak to your supervisor?"
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I cannot access the internet."
"Wat is your name, sir?"
"Joseph Vaughan."
"OK, Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I don't know wat is gable."
"It's an electric line running into my house, like a telephone line."
"OK, Yosef, I will look that up. Where do you live?"
"I live in the U.S. In Maryland."
"I don't know wat is merrylend."
"Maryland is a State in the U.S."
"I'm sorry, Yosef, but I ave no record of merrylend."
"Do you have Massachusetts?"
"Yes, I see that, but no merrylend."
"Oh.. to hell with it! Goodbye!"

After explaining my frustrating experience to a County administrator, I was given a local number for the company involved. I called the number and a guy said: "Hey, how ya doin? What can I do for you?"

I told him my problem, he went away for one minute, came back and said, "is it ok now?" I checked, and it was. Total time for call and fix.. about two minutes.

04. Traffic cameras: We've talked before about speed cameras and red-light cameras.. now we have "rolling right turn" cameras. In Los Angeles, there now is a fine of over $400 for doing a rolling right turn. This must be a real money-maker, because it's hard for me to believe that the word has gotten out that you must make a full stop before making a right turn on a red light.

05. Air Traffic Controllers: They are getting younger and younger. Check out the youngster who gave instructions to several planes recently at the JFK Airport.(I know that President Reagan fired a lot of controllers years ago, but I didn't know that the Government had dropped the age requirement so they could hire more of them.)


06. Oink:Oink - This is the tenth anniversary of the successful cloning of a pig. (Name of Deli?)

07. IQ: An Israeli study has found that the lower a person's IQ is, the more likely that person is a heavy smoker. (Us former-smoker now-smart guys knew that already.)

08. Brushes: A lady named Dawn Stephens has invented an all-in-one toilet-bowl-cleaning brush. (My grandfather, Arthur Stephens Vaughan, in 1900, invented the all-in-one shoe brush, consisting of a "polish dauber" on the end of a handled "polishing brush.") If I could figure out how to put pictures on this blog, I would show what his prototype looks like today. I have it on display in my den.

09. Cursing: Nepal has an annual "cursing festival". One of the curses I like best is: "May your buffaloes all die of diarrhea!"

10. Fusion? Bloom Energy says they have developed a fuel cell that can generate energy without going through the process of combustion. More power to them!

11. Crabby? Marylanders love their crabs, but sometimes they get careless about getting them. Recently, Maryland environmental police found and pulled up over 1,500 abandoned or lost crab pots from inlets to the Chesapeake Bay. These pots endanger fish and crabs. I wonder what they did with any crabs (or their skeletons) found in these pots.

12. Exercise? I read that there is an aerobic exercise called "spinning"... please don't tell me what that is, I want to conjure up an image of this exercise... in my mind's eye.. just as I did years ago listening to the radio and visualizing the scene being described. Visualization is a great exercise for the brain.

... enough!

Weekly Dozen 02/27/10

Here are some new items mixed in with old items:

01. 2010: Solution to the monetary crisis: Even though the State of Missouri is having so many financial problems, they feel good that they have figured a way out of the situation. They will deduct $1 every week from their Governor's salary to invest in PowerBall, or whatever that Lottery is called. All money won will be used to pay down Missouri's debt.

02. 1998: Diabetes: CBS reports that an insulin inhaler is being developed. (Was it developed? I think that they already had the "pump" at that time.

03. 2010: Carotid clearance: A study has reported that a stent procedure to clear a clogged carotid artery works just as well as an operation. (Why didn't they tell me that two years ago!)

04. 2010: "Chips": In Britain, they are trying to develop a "chip" made out of meat. (Would that be a "potato chip" or a "chip" as in Britain's famous "fish and chips"?)

I wish I could find a place to eat true English fish and chips! You can get it back in New Bedford, Massachusetts, but I have not found the same thing anywhere in the Mid-Atlantic. The closest was at Arthur Treacher's Restaurant, but they closed down all of those places anywhere near where I live. I think there might be one left in Maryland somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.

05. 1998: WOW Chips: Speaking of "chips", in 1998 the FDA gave a "thumbs up" to Olestra. Products using it were supposed to be still high calorie, but have no fat grams. I tried some of them at the time and found that they did not like my digestion and haven't tried them since, knowingly. I guess you can still get Olestra products in the Super Market.

06. 2010: Mr. Toyoda: I have wondered why the head of the family-based car company doesn't have the same name as the car. I heard today, somewhere, that it is because the stroke for "T" is not as lucky as the stroke for "D" in Japanese ideograms, so it was changed.. (maybe they should have changed the stroke for the car name also, and they might not be having so many problems.)

Incidentally, I took my RAV4 in to the Toyota dealer for my 5,000 maintenance, and while I was there, they did the recall fix for the accelerator.

By the way, to graduate from a Japanese grammar school, a student must know 881 characters (ideograms). To graduate from High School, a student must know 1,850, and to read at a college level, a student must know 3,000.

All of these characters are built up from less than 300 elements or pictures. These pictures were drawn by the Chinese similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics. The Japanese borrowed these characters from the Chinese over 2,000 years ago.

07. 1998: Leo Buscaglia: One of my favorite people passed away on June 12, 1998. Leo Buscaglia was a California professor who taught a class in LOVE. In addition to his class, he gave televised lectures on the subject and wrote a number of books about love.

Luckily, I taped his presentations whenever I found them on TV. His whole life was built around letting people know what love was all about. At his lectures, everyone was hugged by him before they left. His death was a great loss to the world, in my opinion.

My cousin, Charlie, and his family live in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and attend a Baptist church there. The preacher, until a few years ago, was from Baltimore and had a Bethlehem Steel background. I visited the church a few times and the preacher always had a line waiting for him after the services. They were waiting to get a hug from him. What a great idea! I don't see or experience many hugs any more. Perhaps it is because of a fear of the flu. I have read that hugs are good medicine and buttress our immune systems.. maybe after the flu goes away, we can get back to hugging.

08. 2010: Cartalk definitions:

Lymph: To walk with a lisp.

MacAdam: The first Scotsman.

09. 1998: Airline crashes: Tom Snyder (Remember him? The 6'8" Late Late Show host .. replaced by 6'8" Conan O'Brien!) said that statistics showed that more people are killed by donkeys each year than are killed in airline crashes. (Let that be a lesson to you!)

10. 2010: Healthy flies: A college professor has developed a method for exercising fruit flies so they will be healthier for use in experiments.

Time flies like the wind,
Fruit flies like bananas.

11. 2010: Accident: It had to happen. Two police segways crashed into each other. (By the way, did you know that the first automobile accident in the U. S. occured in Baltimore?)

12. 2010: Vital statistics:

The most dangerous food in the U.S. is the hot dog. (Apparently, children choke on them, and scientists are trying to change their shape to make them safer.)

The laziest people in the world live in the United States. (Maybe that fruit fly professor should come up with an innovative way for everyone to exercise.)

Bonus

1998 and 2010: Words: Back in 1998, I read where no word rhymes with month, purple or orange. I have been trying since then to find words that did complete those rhymes. No luck, yet. Perhaps my long-lost brother Joe (if he is reading this) may have found some already since he is a noted word expert.

Can you find rhyming words for month, purple or orange?

Lots happening since I got home from Uncle Allen's funeral. My Toyota Camry was making noises that said it was on its last legs.. so I had to buy a new car. This was probably cheaper than throwing money down the old car money-pit. I bought a 2009 Toyota Rav4. Elaine helped me pick it out.

She wanted a gold colored one ("sandy beach metallic").. but they are only available on the beaches in Hawaii. But we did finally get a west coast color: "Pacific blue metallic." A very nice car, but we will have to get a ladder so Elaine can climb in. The name of the car (RAV) stands for "Recreational Activity Vehicle".. that means "small SUV".

In making the transition from old car to new car, I lost my Social Security identity pass. Under the Patriot Act, this is a major problem. I will have to find someone to sign me into the building and then I will have to spend hours convincing "Security" that I did not sell my pass to some terrorist.

Meanwhile, I learned today that my daughter was charged for her motel room in New Bedford, even though I had already paid for it. I can see this taking hours and hours of phone calls to straighten out.

Elaine received notice that the doctor who gave her one stitch to close a wound charged her insurance $2,ooo! I don't think that the insurance company will pay him, and Elaine may get the bill. More need for Health Care Reform.

I purchased four pairs of pants at Boscov's and lost the claim ticket for tailoring. Tailoring is necessary because pants makers now make their pants' lengths at the average length of American legs. I'm no longer average since I lost several inches in height as I have aged. So, in addition to the price of pants, I have to pay an extra $9 each to have them shortened. I told you that it's tough to get old, guys.

After some interrogation, the clerk agreed to release my altered pants to me. He was telling me that in the "old days" when Boscov's was super busy, I would not have been able to get my pants without receipts. He said that a couple of years ago, the men's clothing section had 5 employees. Now they have 2 1/2. (I didn't ask him if the 1/2 person was a "little person.")

I talked to a lady in Hagerstown, Maryland, who makes "comfort dolls". These are dolls given to children who are in accidents, have to appear in court, or are in the hospital. The dolls calm the kids down and make them feel better. This lady wanted to know if we (the TRIAD group) wanted to learn how to make the dolls.. if not, she volunteered to make them for us. I will discuss this at the next TRIAD meeting.

I purchased another HP black ink cartridge.. they seem to run out after just a few pages.. and will now be able to print my eulogy of Uncle Allen. I will send copies to Allen's family survivors.

I finally got my Federal Income Tax Refund and now it is time to send it back for estimated taxes.

Elaine and I got haircuts today. Kim does my haircuts and also trims my beard. If she gets caught trimming a beard, she can get fined. Apparently, you have to have a special license to do mustaches and beards and the "beard police" can make it difficult for you.

We ate lunch today at the Frisco Pub. I had a local craft brew, spicy crab soup and a delicious Polish dog. Elaine had a soda, the crab soup, and the most delicious clam strips I've had since I used to buy them from vendors at Horseneck Beach, in Massachusetts.

Once when I was in college, I got a political appointment for the summer at Horseneck Beach. Along with a bunch of other guys who were pretty muscular, we had the job of digging out houses buried under the sand dunes during the hurricane of 1938. This was twenty years later, and there were still a lot of buried houses. I was surprized to learn that people in 1938 used the same plastic-like-type tablecloths that we were using. These cloths were the best survivors of the storm.

Anyway, after lunch, after getting Elaine in the car and getting ready to put her wheelchair in, I forgot to lock the chair legs and when I turned my back, out of the corner of my eyes, I saw something black start to speed down the hill. It was the damn wheelchair! Luckily, so far, it had just missed by inches all the other parked cars and was about to travel out into heavy traffic... summoning my hidden superman strength, I ran as fast as I could and rescued the chair in the nick of time. And guess what, even with all that exertion, I did not get a heart attack.

I have been reading that the best form of exercise is sudden exertion. That is the way humans have managed all these many years.. quiet times, with sudden spurts of energy when needed to avoid predators and to catch prey. So, I had my good exercise today. And, I gave a lot of healthful entertainment to the bystanders.

Learning about my new car has been fun. I also managed to wedge my cell phone in the back door of the car. I didn't notice it, but the car kept up a loud whistle until I figured out what was wrong. Elaine also made some noise when she hit the car's "panic button" on the key I gave her. She was inside, and the car was outside.. and when she pushed it inside, all Hell broke loose outside in the highest decibels. It probably hit "high C".

I got a call tonight that my caller ID told me was "Pizza Sam". I answered the phone with "Hey, I can't wait to hear this one." The man on the other end said, "My name is Sam Piazza, and I am calling to ask for your help on a special project." It was a legitimate call and I was embarassed to tell Sam that I misread his last name on the caller ID.

This morning, I made twenty or so calls, most requiring a call back. Since we have "call waiting" whenever someone calls back and we are on the phone already, a loud beeping and static is generated on the line to let us know... then, we are supposed to say to the party we are talking to, "excuse me, I have another caller on the line." I find this rude and discourteous... as though the person you are talking to is not as important as the new caller. I hate this feature, but it is "bundled" and I am told I can't drop it without dropping caller ID.

I think that "caller ID" is the greatest telephone innovation ever.. it has saved me so many times from having to answer telemarketers, scam artists and crashing bores. I highly recommend it.

I will now end this crashing bore of a blog. Just wanted to keep you up to date on some of the ordinary things we are doing these days in beautiful downtown Westminster Maryland.

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Brain Fitness

Massachusetts General Hospital is in the forefront of research in Mental Fitness. In their latest newsletter: Mind, Mood and Memory they discuss ways to keep your mind sharp as you grow older.

Until recently, scientists thought that the adult mind was unchangeable... now, it is known that the brain can make new cells through a process called neurogenesis.. growing additional branches and connections.. in a process called synaptic placisticity. It's those darned synapses again! The more synapses you grow, the more your brain stays young.

In addition:

Aerobic exercise can reverse symptoms of age-related brain decline. (Get off your dead butt and start moving!)

Regular intellectual stimulation may even reduce the risk of developing Alzheimer's disease.
(I would strongly recommend cryptic crossword puzzles.)

Social activity promotes the formation and survival of brain cells. (Make some new friends!)

Constant stress can cause atrophy of brain connections.. so, reducing stress is very important.
(Meditation might be one way.. omm ni paa ti suuum.) (Massage is also good.)

Diet is important. Excessive caffeine and alcohol should be avoided. (How much is too much? How much is too little? What about chocolate?)

Folic acid is an important supplement. (Take a trip to a health food store and look around. Lots of good stuff there.)

Sleep is important... They suggest 6 to 8 hours a night. This gives time for your "sleepy-time" brain to sort and categorize what you have experienced during the day and get ready for tomorrow.

(Ben Franklin may have said: 6 hours of sleep a night for a man; 7 hours of sleep a night for a woman; 8 hours of sleep a night for an idiot.)

He also said: Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

He also said: The early bird catches the worm.... but look what happened to the worm when it got up so early!

Watch out for the effects of diabetes. And smoking. And excessive drinking. (You know what you are supposed to do and not do.. and shame on you for being bad.)

Speaking of brains, I received a weird brain honor last week... I received a certificate honoring me for being a member of Mensa for 40 years!.. This required little effort on my part.. just opening the yearly membership letter, writing a check, sealing the envelope and mailing it off so that I could be a member for yet another year.

I must admit that my Mensa membership has opened lots of intellectual vistas for me. I hope that I can make it to 50 years and another certificate.

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