I Need to Hurry before it's too Late!

I own this wonderful book: 2,001 Things to do Before You Die by Dane Sherwood. Its all about what the title says. I went through the whole book today to see if I have done any of the suggestions. I was surprised to find that I have done exactly 650 of the 2,001 suggestions.

However! There are still 1,351 things that I need to do before the Grim Reaper comes to take me off this "mortal coil".. I thought that I might jump randomly through the book and list some of the things that I might (or might not) try to do.

Ride a boxcar for a couple of days.... How the devil could you do this today? Times have changed since hoboes were able to slide open a boxcar door and sneak inside. I think the doors are all hydraulic now and controled by computer. Well.. I'll go down to the train siding and check it out. Even if I can sneak in, could I ride along for a couple of days? Probably not. Who would feed my cats and water my flowers and vegetables?

Bottle your own preserves... I think that I might be able to handle this one. Does preserves mean only fruit? If so, I'll have to buy some at the market. If zuchini counts, I will have some of those from my deck earthbox (tm). I have 4 growing so far at 4" and I hope they will at least grow to one foot each. I'll have to learn how to put zukes in bottles.

When my son was 6 years old he planted a garden and when the zukes were a little slow, I bought an 18" one at the produce stand and stuck it under the leaves for him to find the next morning. He seemed to be very surprised and happy; however, a few months ago he confessed that he knew I had tried to fool him, but he did not let on because he thought it might hurt my feelings.

Watch a drive-in movie naked.. This will be very hard to fulfill. There is only one drive-in movie left in the Baltimore area. I wonder if it counts that when I was a new (not nude) driver, I went to drive-in movies in just a bathing suit during the hot summer?

Sky dive... I almost did this a couple of years ago. As I may have mentioned, Elaine is a sky-diver. She has abandoned perfectly good planes on several occasions. Once, I accompanied her to the Maryland Eastern Shore so that she could jump and one of the other jumpers didn't show up.. I was asked and tempted (for about 2 minutes).. and I am glad I didn't give in.

These guys jump from at least 2 miles up in the air.. down to a circle in the middle of a farmer's field. At this location, the farmer is not too happy if they miss their mark and trample some of his crop. He has been known to point a shotgun menacingly at miscreants. This whole schtick is not for me. The guys (mainly) who do this seem to be inspired by the lady who runs the show "flashing" them as they take off. There is a whole weird sub-culture here that I do not want to get involved with. (Elaine gave it up when she had to have surgery after one of the "pushers" hurt her knees agressively pushing her out of the plane.)

Two of my friends had a sky-dive experience. Jim was a parachuter in some war or other. He is a little guy. His friend, John, had never been in a plane. John is a great big guy.

One day, while roaring drunk, Jim talked John into going sky-diving. The only place where they could get a plane to take them up was the Woodbine Airport. Well, this is a kind-of flat place in a large farm field, where contented cows graze. Jim and John got parachutes somewhere and took off in a piloted aircraft of dubious safety.

When Jim, in his drunken haze, thought that they were high enough to jump (a couple of hundred feet) he told John to jump. John instantly sobered up and refused. Undaunted, Jim pushed John out of the plane. John did not know how to open his chute.. but it was too low for it to open anyway.

John was very lucky. He landed on a cow! It broke his fall and he survived. The cow died. John was in body casts for months. John and Jim still managed to get drunk regularly and John never did get mad at Jim for pushing him out of the plane.

Take a Chinese cooking class... During the 8 years that I have known Elaine, she has taught me to cook many things and I am still learning. Today she gave me some tips that made my scrambled eggs plate into a work of art. Yesterday I was able to make a dinner of pork chops, baked potatoes and squash. It was outstanding if I do say so myself.

I have a disk with one million recipes on it and I will search for some Chinese recipes to make. I think that I can handle most any recipe now. For years I bought HooMe brand New Bedford style chop suey. You can only buy that in New Bedford or Fall River, Massachusetts. I had a lot of boxes of the mix in the pantry at my old house... but when I got ready to move I found that it had gotten rancid! I was quite upset. I'll have to stock up next time I get up to NB.

Race in the Iditarod... Unless the world turns upside down, I will never get to Alaska, and never race in the Iditarod with Sarah Palin's husband. (A couple of my friends are visiting in Fairbanks right now and they just experienced a 5.0 earthquake. Not much damage but scary as hell.)

Face everyone else in an elevator... What a great idea! I will definitely try this. My half-brother, Joe, told me that he likes to stare at the back of someone's head in an elevator. He swears that when he does that, the person turns around. (Yes, I have a brother named Joe)

Watch an autopsy... Sorry, gang.. this will never happen!

Wear a milk mustache in a "Got Milk" ad... I kind of did this one.. when my daughter worked for Cysco Foods, I helped out at a Food Fair. I got people to come to the booth to get their picture taken with a milk mustache. I had mine done too and if I can find it, I will post it to the blog.

Stand in as a double... As I have mentioned before, with my hairy face, I have been compared to Earnest Hemingway, Wilfred Brimley, Captain Ahab and Santa Claus. So I could probably sit in as a double for any of those folks. ;0)>

Basta!