Valentine's Day

She slinked into the bedroom and climbed onto the wide soft bed. She was ready for the loving caresses that she begged for each night. She looked forward to these nightly expressions of love, so important to a female. As she was caressed, she let out little sounds of delight. Yes, SuZee, our pretty little Siamese cat needed those reassurances that she was loved.

Gotcha!

On Valentine's Day all females, human and otherwise, need to be reassured that they are loved. So, guys, if you haven't gotten something for your loved one yet, you'd better get moving before the stores close.

Many years ago, when finances were tight, my wife and I decided that we would not get anything for each other for Valentine's Day. I went to work, pleased that I did not have to rush around finding something appropriate to the day. However, on that same day, I had to wait outside of a computer room while a job was run. When it was over, I would be able to test a computer program.

As I sat there, I heard two secretaries talking: One said: "My boyfriend and I agreed that we would not get something for each other for Valentine's Day." The other said: "Are you serious? Do you think that he really won't get you anything?" The first lady said: "Well, if the son-of-a-bitch doesn't get me anything, I'll cut his ----- off."

Being an astute student of humankind, I took these comments to heart and after work made sure that I bought an appropriate card and some cheap chocolates. On the next day, my wife presented me with a nice card and was extremely happy that I had gotten her some gifts as well. See.. I'm not as dumb as I look, and I listen to what others have to say.

A certain lady of my acquaintance had the same experience.. she and her husband "agreed" to forego giving gifts on Valentine's Day. On that day, she looked for at least a card from her husband.. but he hadn't gotten the message and replied: "You said we weren't going to give each other anything this year, so I didn't get you anything."

Well, it is now 40 years later, and she hasn't forgiven him yet.. and never will.

Gentlemen, take these words to heart and remember: If mama ain't happen, regardless of what she says in advance, nobody is going to be happy. So, get your butt out there and get her a Valentine's Day card and some nice juicy chocolates before the damn store closes!

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