Weekly Dozen @ 02/20/2010

Here are some backlogged items:

01. Last year, Time magazine mentioned two special inventions that they did not particularly like:

a. A bra that can easily be converted into two gasmasks.

b. Software that scans the smiles of Japanese railway employees to make sure that they exude the proper amount of cheerfulness.

(Japanese-watchers have also been reporting on the depth of Mr. Toyoda's bows when apologizing for automobile glitzes. Apparently one can tell a lot about people's intentions by how low they bow.)

02. Why is it that all real famous people were born on holidays? (Washington, Lincoln, King, etc.)

03. Who was this "Red" Roundtree who was arrested in 2003 for trying to rob a bank at the age of 91?

04. The Vice President of Nigeria has a great name: Goodluck Jonathan. (Baltimore's own H.L.Mencken gets into "different" names in his classic study The American Language. For instance, at one time, Doctors at Johns Hopkins would name the babies for poor women who had their labor in that hospital.. one of the names given out, supposedly appropriately, was Positive Wasserman Johnson.)

05. Some art experts are declaring that the Mona Lisa is a self-portrait of Leonardo Da Vinci in drag. (Take a good look and compare after dropping the beard.. there may be some truth to this.)

06. I'm sure that now you have heard about the famous cricketeer who shocked the sports world by biting the ball during a match. This is cheating at cricket on a large scale, similar to throwing a "spitball" at a batter's head.

07. Recently, a Denver advertisement for a job as "medical marijuana reviewer" netted lots of applications.

08. A woman has filed a lawsuit against her boss for "breaking wind" in her cubicle.
(Cruel and unusual punishment, now probably considered on a par with smoking in one's area.)

09. John Gay died in 1732, and had chiseled on his tombstone:

Life is a jest,
And all things show it.
I thought so once,
And now I know it.

10. Sarah Palin had crib notes written on her hand for her recent Tea Party Convention speech. (I wonder if someone was able to photograph those notes. They would be worth thousands of dollars.)

11. Dallas, Texas police have been issuing tickets to people for not speaking English. (What law does this break?)

12. A freight train was parked in front of a woman's house for six week. During that time, she had to scoot under the train to get out into the world.

When I was in High School and walked to school down a certain street, there was always a large truck parked across the street and sidewalk, taking on items for delivery. This was a challenge to us boys, who scooted under the truck.. while the motor was running and the gearshift was about to be engaged. The girls were not as dumb as the boys.. they waited for the truck to move out of the way or took another route.

Extra: South Carolina's Mark Sanford, thinking ahead, had the "faithfulness promise" removed from the wedding vow for his marriage.

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