Weekly Dozen @ March 20, 2010

Happy Spring! It is a beautiful 70 degree day here in Maryland where our weather goes from below freezing to Summer heat in a matter of days.

Lots of stuff going on today.. the Senate Rules Committee is getting ready to do their thing about the Health Reform Bill.. the robins are pulling skinny worms out of the moist ground.. the Mt. Airy, Maryland, St James Church now has two of our old television sets and 15 old telephone sets for recycling.. I delivered a lot of my beer making material to my son-in-law John so that he can make more of that wonderful brew.. and here is/are a dozen of things to think about. (Those tricky collective nouns! English must be a very tough language for foreign speakers to learn.)

01. Japanese. Speaking of foreign languages, every day recently comments have been posted on some of my blog entries, and most of those are in Japanese. How did they know that I am right now trying to learn to read their language? (It is an amazing experiece just to find out the history of each ideogram.)

Since I can't read the language yet, I used Google translator on one comment. The result, unfortunately, was unintelligible. So, maybe I'm dealing with some nuts, or I just don't know how to interpret Google's translation. I'll try again later.

02. Irish stuff: A leprechaun museum has been opened in Dublin, or so I've heard. Last year, I submitted a picture I took at Ocean City, Maryland, of a double rainbow. When I saw the phenomenon, I immediately tried to find the end of each to see if it was true that there were pots of gold there, hidden by those spritely elves that the Irish know exist. No luck, so I took a picture instead. It was a pretty good picture and was published in Creative Expressions. (When I learn to post a picture to a blog, I will add it.)

Faith.. and can ye tell me what beautiful green-colored Country is the richest in the world?

Why of course, it's Ireland, whose capitol is always Dublin.

The first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell out of my high-chair and spilled my Irish oatmeal.


03. Facebook: The Italian police have just found and arrested Pasquale (a famous crook) by reading his Facebook entries and profile.

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me says that there is a new Mafia social network site called Scarface Book.

04. Postal Delivery: I've been following the Postmaster General's recent testimony to the Senate on cost-cutting efforts. He wants to cut out mail delivery on Saturday. One of his reasons is because people don't really get much mail on that day anyway.. probably an average of only 3 pieces of mail. I just retrieved the mail from my mailbox, and it is Saturday.. there were 19 pieces of mail. I guess I am above-average. (Garrison has always said that I was.)

05. Announcements: Apparently, people in New York are complaining about emergency loudspeaker announcements being unintelligible. I would have thought that they knew that already.. haven't they ever tried to put in an order at a fast food drive in lane?

06. Q-Tips: Our Siamese cat, SuZee, has been provided with lots of catnip-filled cat toys. Does she play with them? No. Instead, she plays with Q-Tips. She wrestles with them, carries they around like they are prey, and vigorously seeks them out from wherever we hide them. We have given up.. she always finds them. Elaine thinks we should open a business selling them as cat toys. We could become rich maybe.. of course, we would have to pretty them us somewhat and make sure that the Q-Tip people did not sue us.

07. Fighting: This week I learned that there is a lady who teaches "Cane Fu" fighting. She teaches senior citizens how to defend themselves with their cane. She presented her program at a recent local Expo, but somehow, I missed it. I don't carry a cane anyway and I try to keep away from dangerous areas, as everyone should.

I did hear about a church somewhere near that sponsors violent fighting matches by their congregants so they can learn how to defend themselves in the real violent world. (I thought you were supposed to turn the other cheek.)

08. Government Work: Millie Parsons retired a while ago after serving 59 years with the FBI.. during that time, she never took one hour of sick leave. Somehow, she found time to become a champion ballroom dancer.

(I believe that Lil Steinhorn still holds the record for the longest work for the Government. She worked most of the time for the Social Security Administration in the Baltimore area. On the day she retired, she showed up at the Social Security Alumni Association office and volunteered for work. Lil passed away in 2009. She was over 90 years old.)

09. Texas Interview: Some folks have wondered what is in the latest schoolbooks in Texas.

Interviewer: "Hello, young man. May I ask you a question?"

Texas kid: "Yes, maam."

Int: "Who was Thomas Jefferson?"

Kid: "I don't know maam, was he in a TV show?"

Int: "Isn't he mentioned in your school history book?"

Kid: "No, maam.. and I just finished the whole book in class."

Int: "Do you know who wrote the 'Declaration of Independance?"

Kid: "Oh, yes, maam.. then you must mean Jefferson Davis, who was a hero at the Alamo and later tried bravely to get us independance from a tyrant."

Int: "Did you study about evolution in your classes?"

Kid: "You must mean revolution."

Int: "No, I mean the study of the origin and advancement of life."

Kid: "Oh yes, maam. We studied all about the Garden of Eden in our book."


10. Notch Babies: Well they're at it again. Brown government-looking envelopes are being mailed to senior citizens asking for donations so that they can lobby Congress for some money to make up for the reason they are "Notch Babies".

In a nutshell, years ago, Congress made a mistake in a Social Security benefit formula for a couple of months.. and some people have gotten a larger monthly benefit than people before or after them. If Congress voted to give money to those that came on Social Security right after the more-money persons.. they would have to then give money to all of the ones thereafter.. this would immediately bankrupt the US Government.. and Congress ain't goin' to do it! So.. save your own money and don't contribute to this scheme!

I brought this out as a SCAM to my fellow TRIAD members Thursday, and was informed, rightly, by one of the Police Officers in attendance, that this is not really a scam. It is just another way for unscrupulous people to say they are going to lobby for something that will not take place, while taking donations from lots of senior citizens who can't afford to donate.

My uncle Allen sent these folks lots of money. He passed away in 2009, as did many of the people who were affected by this. Apparently, there are still enough of these folks alive to make this a lucrative ploy.

But, because they will run out of "clients" in a few years, they are now recruiting other "notch babies". In fact, I got a letter this week, naming me as one who would be in the "notch" universe. Guess what? I do not get Social Security. And, I am also no where near old enough to be included in this universe.

I'll bet that these scumbags are now buying mailing lists of any and all senior citizens in an attempt to milk some more money out of the gullible.

11. Parachuting bears: Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me mentions that someone has come up with a great solution for finding Osama Ben Laden. Parachute bears down from planes over Afghanistan or Pakistan. Bears are known for being great trackers and would go into the caves and come up with their prey. One might ask how bears would like to be put into a parachute.. which would have to self-destruct on landing.. also, who would train the bears.. Russians are good at training bears, but they, like Alexander the Great and others since, no longer want to have anything to do with Afghanistan.

12. Lunch?: Can this be true? As a guy was sitting in his car, he felt the car shake violently. Upon investigation, he found a bulldog consuming one of his tires. After being unsuccessful in stopping the dog, he gave up and watched as the dog consumed another of his tires and also half of one bumper. Finally, I guess someone shot the dog. I'm not sure of this and I need to investigate.. it sounds fascinating. Was the car a formerly accelerating Toyota? A recalled Honda? Was this really a stunt dog for a movie filming? Was this a CIA training session for an Afghanistan military secret weapon, like the parachuting bear? Perhaps that is what happens when the bear lands on the ground, it seeks out Taliban or Al Quida vehicles and like the bulldog, tears them to bits. ???

..............................