Some new stuff.. at least to me.

I learned a lot of fantastic information this week. Some of which I will outline here.

01. What's in a name? I apologize to this beautiful person for picking on her name, but somehow it makes me giggle, I don't know why, but I believe that there once was a stripper on the Baltimore infamous "Block" with the same name.

The AARP Sex and Relationship Expert is named Pepper Schwartz.


http://uwnews.org/uweek/article.aspx?id=52956


02. It had to happen: A heavy-set woman was charged extra in one of those fingernail salons for being too fat and endangering their chairs that are tested for only 200 pounds.


Many years ago, fellow Mensan, Marvin Grosswirth established an organization called Fat Pride. based on a book he wrote with the same name. Other such organizations were established over the years, but I think his was the first. Marvin wrote lots of interesting books and unfortunately, died of cancer at the age of 53. A man of great intellect, as well as great girth... which rhymes with his last name.. which means a "great innkeeper".. at least in the German dialect I know.

Anyway, Marvin felt that one should not be ashamed of being overeweight. Why on earth would one want to be a skinny-bones? (However, personally, I would like to be a little bit thinner.)

(Marvin also was in favor of beards.. at least on men. He felt that if one wore a beard, one should wear a real man's beard, not one of those "sissy beards" worn by some rock stars.)

http://openlibrary.org/authors/OL1346088A/Marvin_Grosswirth



03. Caution! Kevin Dayhoff, former mayor of Westminster, Maryland, in one of his interesting newspaper articles, mentions that in the 1960's, some traffic lights did not flash yellow, only red and green. I was around then, but I don't remember such lights in the places I lived. This probably confused children who thought that the traffic lights were Christmas decorations.


Among lots of other things, Kevin Dayhoff writes a journal called the New Bedford Herald. (It's not about New Bedford, Massachusetts, where I was born and brought up.)


http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/



04. Deep fat! Vendors at the upcoming Maryland State Fair will be selling lots of deep fat fried items, including Oreo cookies, Snicker Bars, Twinkies, Buckeyes (peanut butter and chocolate mixed), and even ice cream bars... but they will have to go a lot further in their plans to clog up Marylanders' arteries to top the Canadians. At an exhibition in Toronto, vendors are selling deep fat fried butter!



http://www.deepfatfryerspro.com/

05. It's a digital world all right. A street musician now has a card reader by his side. If you like his guitar music, you can give him a tip (donation) by swiping your credit card and keying in the amount you want to give him. (I wonder if he takes American Express.)

06. Mis-attribution. One of the few poems I ever learned was the one about a pelican:

A curious bird is the pelican,

His beak holds more than his belly can.

He can store in his beak,

Enough food for a week,

And I don't know how the devil he does it.

I have always attributed it to Ogden Nash.. it's the kind of stuff he wrote.

Well, I learned this week that I was wrong. The poem was written by newspaper humorist, Dixon Lanier Merritt, and goes like this:

A wonderful bird is the pelican,

His bill can hold more than his bellican.

He can hold in his beak,

Food enough for a week,

But I'm damned if I see how the hellican.

(Which one do you like?)

http://search.intelius.com/dixon-lanier-merritt

07. Ugh! A nutritionist who was interviewed on NPR said that shrimp imported from Thailand is "grown in dirty ponds." Think about that the next time you order scampi at your favorite restaurant.

08. Banana Bread: I love to bake banana bread! Sometimes I make it plain.. just bananas.. sometimes I add blueberries; sometimes I add walnuts; sometimes I add chocolate chips; sometimes I add butterscotch chips; sometimes I mix them all together.

A well-known local Carroll County humorist, with another interesting name, Cathy Drinkwater Better, writes a funny column in the Carroll Eagle. This week, she mentioned what goes on in her house when her husband finds real old bananas in the fridge. Of course, as anyone knows, you have to have real old bananas to make good banana bread. I'm probably one of the few men in the world who knows that the secret to delicious banana bread is old, black, mushy, gnat-infested bananas.

Elaine and I always laugh long and hard when we read her Sunday articles. She is a gifted story teller, and as I also learned this week, a well-known author, with a lot of books to her credit.

http://www.cathydrinkwaterbetter.com/

09. New word. The big-name dictionaries are adding a new word in their latest editions: bromance .. friendship between two men. I have a brother Joe, that I sometimes call BRO and a friend from early childhood named Bob, and we both often refer to each other as BRO. But of course, there is no "romance" there. There are lots of BRO- words, such as bromide, brocade, Bromo Seltzer, .... Broken = what Barbie's brother now calls Ken.. NBC's Tom Brokaw... etc etc

10. A Dog's Best Friend: I've mentioned this before, but some one of you may still never have heard of this great invention. It was dreamed up by the brother of Tony Shalhoub (you know... Mr. Monk!)

Yes, I'm talking a bout the Shapoopy.. better than a pooper-scooper.. it catches your dog's poop before it even hits the ground! Wow!

http://theshapoopie.com/

Have you heard the jingle?

www.televisiontunes.com/Family_Guy_-_Shapoopy.html

11. What would Johnie Cash do? I learned today that those automatic faucets that are now ubiquitous, will not work if you are wearing black. Imagine that.

12. An amazing author! Over the years, Tom Robbins has written a lot of thoughtful (weird) books. His latest is a children's book called B is for Beer.

Tom says that he ate so much mayonaise as a kid that his parents threatened to send him to the Mayo Clinic. ! He is the inventor of the Gin-Greasy.. which is a combination of gin and mayonaise. I don't think I'm going to try it.

Quote from Tom: "I believe in nothing, everything is sacred. I believe in everything, nothing is sacred." Whatever that means... I think I will put it into my email messages.

http://www.randomhouse.com/author/results.pperl?authorid=25708

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Hecklers at AARP Meetings

Yesterday, Elaine and I attended our monthly AARP Chapter meeting. On display was a letter to one of the Carroll County newspapers complaining about AARP and telling everyone to cancel their memberships because of AARP's supposed support for "death panels". The writer said that he had attended one of our meetings where two ladies from AARP had said certain things that he did not like. Reading his letter, it seemed to me that he must have attended a different meeting than I did.. or, he heard things there that I did not hear.. but I must admit, I did not have my hearing aid in at the time and may have missed something.. but I doubt that.

I attended two recent AARP Chapter meetings in which two ladies spoke. At one meeting, the two ladies did represent Maryland AARP and they proposed that the attendees examine all Health Care proposals and decide about the issues. They hoped, but did not push, that people consider that Heath Care Reform is needed. At the meeting, there was one gentleman who asked obnoxious, and, in my opinion, dumb questions. If the writer of the letter to the editor was this gentleman, I would ask him: Why did he partake so freely and greedily of the free lunch provided to him by AARP? Why did he interupt the speakers so rudely? Why didn't he walk out in protest? Why had we never seen him at an AARP meeting before? Why does he like Medicare so much when it is a "public option" program? Does he honestly think that "death panels" could ever exist in the U.S.? Was he appointed by his organization to come and heckle the speakers?

At the second meeting, the two ladies did not represent AARP, but rather the Emergency Preparedness department of Carroll County (a Republican lead County in Maryland). They were trying to inform the attendees about available emergency facilities in the County. At that meeting as well, there was one gentleman who asked obnoxious and dumb questions. One could tell that he was not listening closely enough and had his mind set that these were enemies to his way of life. (This was not the same gentleman from the prior meeting.) If the writer of the letter to the editor was this gentleman I would ask him basically the same questions: Why did he partake so readily and greedily of the lunch provided to him by AARP? (he was later part of musical entertainment) Why does he like the "public option" Medicare so well? Why was he so rude to the young ladies? Why does he think that "death panels" could ever exist in the U.S.? Is he a member of the same group as the heckler from the earlier meeting?

Once again, we have had to put up with loud-mouthed, mis-informed meeting disrupters. Fortunately, in this case, only one person in each meeting made a jerk of himself.. that is only 1% of the attendees. Free speech is wonderful and I am all for it.. but sometimes I wish that these loud persons would get a soap-box to stand on and spout off in a public park where those that want to hear them could and those that do not want to hear them would be able to walk away.
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Sunday Musings

I love to learn interesting things from NPR Sunday shows: Such as:

01. A new search engine has been developed in Israel for the use of Orthodox Jews who want to input in Hebrew and also avoid pornographic sites. It's called KOOGLE!

02. Conservative Episcopal churchpeople, still angry about the ordination of a gay bishop, are on the verge of seceding and forming another "church". This is the history of Christianity, isn't it? As each "church" becomes older, people split off from it and form a new "church"... like Roger Williams did in Rhode Island. It is a "life cycle"..( I read a book about this phenomenon recently, but I'll be darned if I can recall it's title. ) This situation is a bit different I think.. usually the more liberal break off from the more conservative.

03. AARP had a Spelling Bee Contest! This was a little different than the one I mentioned yesterday, won by a 9 year old girl. This was won by a 64 year old man! Her winning word was LAODICEAN, his was WOAD. He also could be considered a "ringer" because 40 or more years ago he had been a runner-up in a Spelling Bee for younger folks.

I'm always amazed at the fact that AARP can get involved in things like Spelling Bees and has lost interest in much more important functions like supporting TRIAD, which is concerned with protecting senior citizens from criminal exploitation. I have devoted many years of my life to AARP, so I feel that I am eligible to criticise it when I feel like it.

04. This is the 50th anniversary of the visit to the U.S. by Nikita Kruschev. He finagled a tour from the State Department. To commemorate his visit... kind of... Peter Carlson has written a book about the visit. He includes some comic newspaper headlines of the times, including "K BLOWS TOP", which became the book's title.

I remember (since I'm one of those "old guys") when Nikita took his shoe off at the U.N. and banged it on the table. He famously yelled: "We will bury you!".. which he later qualified by saying that of course he didn't mean "with a shovel".

While in the U.S., everywhere he went he said that what he saw was not as good as it was in the USSR. However, he did find one thing that he was greatly interested in: Railroad Station lockers. Apparently, in the USSR, people have to check things with an attendant, and wait in long lines to do so. He liked the idea of being able to stick your things in a hole in the wall and keep it locked with a key that you control.

I'm told that Nikita was very upset that he did not get to see Disneyland!

Old Nikki must be rolling over in his grave, now that the U.S. has buried the USSR.

Cheer up!

Yesterday, I got very depressed during a police update on "gangs" so today I want to talk about a few things that I find cheering: my monthly AARP joke, "waddling carp", Mother's Day, and William Donald Schaefer.

I believe a joke is in the "public domain" unless someone can prove that they are the only one who ever thought of and developed it. I emcee'd the annual Senior Citizens Banquet for several years when it took place in Union Bridge, Maryland. One year, as part of my duties, I told four elaborate jokes with senior citizen themes. The audience seemed to enjoy them.

An hour later, the entertainer arrived. A gentleman who was, in effect, a "one man band", and in between sets told jokes. Guess what... his four jokes were the same jokes that I had just told. Coming in late, he, of course, did not know what I had said, and I didn't own the jokes. (The audience enjoyed them for a second time.)

In case you were not at the May 2009 AARP meeting, this is my monthly joke:

A guy was hurrying to get to a cafe before "Happy Hour" ended. There were no parking places to be had. As he drove around and around, he got very frustrated and decided to pray for help.

"Lord, if you find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday for a whole year!"

He drove around some more.. still no parking place. So he prayed again:

"Lord, if you find me a parking place, I will also say the Rosary every night for a year!"

Still no space.. but then, all of a sudden, a car drove away and a nice wide space opened up. The man prayed again:

"Lord, never mind. I found one on my own!"

FISH: The Carroll County Times (Maryland) had a couple of remarkable pictures of giant carp "waddling" through shallow water foraging for food. The carp are half in and half out of the water. Is this evolution in action? ;0)

I'm reminded of the time one of my kids let the water in the goldfish bowl get so low that the poor fish was half in and half out, just like the carp. (Thankfully, that kid is now grown up and is a fantastic caring person for all kinds of creatures.)

Years ago, when my kids were very young, and gas was cheap, we would go on Sunday drives. One of the favorite places we would like to go to was the Loch Raven Reservoir where giant carp resided. We would take a couple of loaves of bread and the kids would have a ball feeding these voracious fish. I wonder if they remember this. (The kids, not the fish.)

MOTHER'S Day: The burning question: Does an apostrophe come before or after the S?

Just a reminder. We should all remember our mothers every day of the year, but especially on the one that is set aside for that purpose. By the looks of the traffic yesterday at the local mall, lots of people are doing their duty.

WILLIAM DONALD SCHAEFER:

I read that former Governor Schaefer has, at 87, just received a pacemaker. I hope that this device allows him to have many more years of life.

I'm told that he now resides in Charlestown, a local continuing care community in an historic Baltimore setting. I have several friends who reside there as well, and they seem to enjoy it.

Once, many years ago, my late wife and I were visiting Baltimore's Harbor Place. After a lot of walking, we sat down on a large bench in one of the buildings to rest, next to an older man. As we sat there, we noticed a sign over the bench that said that the bench was reserved for Mayor (at the time) Schaefer whenever he was in the building. We then took a good look at the man we were sitting next to: yes, it was Mayor Schaefer. He was very gracious and talked to us for some time.. and didn't even ask us to leave his bench.

Another time, I went to the Engineers Club building in Mount Vernon Square, Baltimore to attend a Computer Users meeting. It was my first time attending. The Engineers Club building is a wonderful mansion with an atrium, massive staircases, marvelous statues, etc. I was met at the door by an elegantly attired doorman. He bowed and asked me if I was there for the "function." I assumed he meant "meeting", so I said "yes." He gave me directions on how to get to the "function."

I ascended one of the massive staircases, walked past the marvelous statues and arrived at a group of people filing past an enormous buffet, with food that I had rarely seen in my lifetime. I thought: "These Computer Users really know how to put on a spread!" .. and I helped myself.

As I began to eat, I noticed that some of my fellow buffet mates looked quite familiar... especially one of them: Mayor Schaefer. I also noted several people whose faces I recognised from the newspaper and television. Some of them even shook my hand and said "Hello." (I did have a nice suit and tie on.) Eventually it dawned on me that I was at the wrong "function", and slipped slowly downstairs (but not before I finished my caviar!) I found my meeting group in the building's basement.

I always thought that Mr. Schaefer was a great mayor. One of the things that I liked about him I have already written about, but I think it bears repeating. Whenever someone would call him directly about a problem (and he sometimes had an open phone) he would handle the problem as in this example: Someone called and said there was a giant pothole in front of their house. Mayor Schaefer called his maintenance people in and said: "Fill in the pothole." But, he would not tell them where it was. !

Once, when Mr. Schaefer was between jobs, he was honored by the Toastmasters organization. At the ceremony, Mr. Schaefer said that it was the first time that he was on his own.. for years he had been chaufered here and there and other people bought his food for him and shopped for clothes for him, now he had to do it himself, and he recounted his experiences in a Super Market, where he had not been for many many years. He gave a funny account of how he interacted with the conveyor belt and scanner .. and how he learned how to pay for things with a credit card. He is a very entertaining speaker.

I hope that Governor Schaefer has many more years ahead of him.

Newspapers

For some time, Carroll County, Maryland had Eagle newspapers.. the Westminster Eagle and the Eldersburg Eagle. They were nice little free sheets with local news. They have now been subsumed by the Baltimore Sun and one must get a subscription to that paper to see what is now called the Carroll Eagle. (I did so, and now I don't have to miss the column by Kevin Dayhoff.) I am pleased to see that Jim Joyner is still the editor.

Each month, I submit AARP meeting notices and I will have to learn if I can still do that. The issue for the Week of April 19th came today and I was surprized to see that there were no pictures of me or Edith Keeney or Don Champ. ;o) Our pictures have been dominating all of Carroll County papers for some time. Now its time to give others a chance.

I read that the Boston Globe may fold. That is almost unbelievable. When I lived in that area (many many moons ago) I had to get two daily fixes: Half and Half Coffee, and the Boston Globe.
That may just leave the Daily Record and the Christian Science Monitor for a metro area of many millions. I could be wrong.

The Baltimore Examiner has left town. I think that they had even built a skyscraper downtown in anticipation of making lots of money here. It was a free paper, dependant on ad revenue, and I guess the Recession got them.

A long time ago, I spent almost 4 years in Germany. My English language news came from the Stars and Stripes and the New York Herald (Paris edition). One of the writers for the Herald was Art Buchwald and I was privileged to meet him at a bar once in Paris.

When I was a kid we could not afford to buy toilet paper and instead used newspaper pages. (A whole lot cheaper. But really rough on the butt.) Sometimes, the newspapers used shiny paper and that was a bit tricky to manipulate.. the same as paper from magazines. Thank goodness things have changed since then.

Time for some humor: (I forgot who told this story.)

I was reading a newspaper while riding on a train. My eyes got tired, so I put down the paper, but I didn't want it to blow away or fall on the floor, so I sat on it. After a few minutes, I felt a tap on my shoulder and a man asked me: "Are you reading that newspaper?" .. Seeing a comedic opportunity, I said: "Yes, but I'm finished with this part and now I'm going to read the sports page." I stood up, folded the newspaper so that the sports page was showing up, and sat down on it again.

See ya!

The Social Security Chorus

Today, I once again was able to see and hear again the Social Security chorus at the AARP meeting. They put on a very nice show. I don't think that I would be violating any rules if I told about their presentation.

This is a group of Social Security employees who love to sing. Some are still employed, and some are retired. (I seized the opportunity to give them a bunch of applications for the Social Security Alumni Association, after all, I am the National Vice President. Some of them did not know that you don't have to be retired to join. Now they do.)

Their program was very well put together.. "The SSA Chorus Presents..... Lights, Cameras, Action!" There were eleven parts:


01. Hooray for Hollywood! ... The lively song with references to Shirley Temple, Aimee Semple, Donald Duck and Tyrone Power. The words were provided so we could sing along.

02. Lollipop! ... Song from 1958 by the Chordettes. Lolliipops were provided to everyone.

03. Be Happy! ... Medley of two Happy songs: I want to be happy: from the 1920's. And Make someone Happy: from the 1960's.

04. That's Amore! ... The song that made Dean Martin famous and Italians everywhere excited. We all raised our arms in unison ... and love.

05. Don't Sit under the Apple Tree ... Famous World War II song that brings tears to the eyes of those who served in that conflict and/or remember the times.

06. Jambalaya ... New Orleans song full of joy and filet gumbo.

07. Those Fabulous Forties ... medley from that time. Started out with "Jumpin' at the Woodside".. a tune I don't remember. But I did remember the others, such as Pennsylvania 6 5 0 0 0, and Chattanuga Choo Choo.

08. I'd like to teach the World to Sing ... famous song that was commissioned by Coca Cola. If only the world could learn to sing together!

09. I'm a Believer! ... I must have been asleep for this one...?

10. Give me the Simple Life ... My family and some of the neighbors used to sit on the front steps in the evening and sing this song, Elmer's Tune and other songs of the era. I wonder if people do that anymore. Are the current songs singable? ?

11. TV Time! ... This was a medley of tunes that were connected with TV Shows we all loved over the years: Songs from:

Laverne and Shirley
3's Company
Brady Bunch
Green Acres
Adams Family
Mr. Ed
Beverly Hillbillies
Bonanza
I Love Lucy
Happy Days
Carole Burnett Show

We all had a great time singing along and watching the schtick. If you can catch them when they are not all booked up, your group is in for a treat.

And, of course, they provided some Social Security informational brochures. I think they are great ambassadors for SSA.

P.S. I took a bunch of pictures. I'll make them available to them if they care to have them. I hade fun taking the pictures, especially of the two young helpers they had with them.