There is no joy in Charm City!

This is a sad day for those Baltimoreans who were expecting to make a long-overdue trip to the Super Bowl this year.  The Ravens lost a tough one to the Patriots.  I'm sure my Massachusetts relatives are dancing in the streets... while my Maryland relatives are crying in their beer.  Such is life.. there's always next year, guys.

Meanwhile, life (and death) go on. 

01. Football Father Figure Fades Away.

Joe Paterno died yesterday.  On the same day that he died, one of the FM stations aired a mini-interview with him.. again about him and Sandusky.  (Did you "out-of'-towners" know that one of Baltimore's TV sportscasters is named Jerry Sandusky.. and of course you can guess that his life has not been the same recently.)

02.  Media Exposure?

A 47 year old Catholic Priest was recently arrested for sitting in a "shop movie theater" (whatever that is), naked from the waist down.  His Bishop, in this instance, did the right thing and removed him from his post in a Baltimore County church. 

... segue to nudist jokes:

a.  At a nude wedding, the best man is not always the best man.

b.  At a nude wedding, where does the best man hide the wedding ring?

(Sorry about that)

03.  The Newt wins big in South Carolina.

Democrats are celebrating!

04.  Romney goes on the attack!

"Mitt" is going after "Newt" at last.  Democrats are worried.

05.  Oprah is crowned Queen!

At a major book event in India, all eyes turned to Oprah Winfrey, our queen.  Crowds cheered her and followed her around, completely ignoring a "real" queen who was also in attendance.   Maybe Oprah will run as Newt's running mate.  However, based on some dumb things that Newt has said in the past, he probably thinks that billionaire Oprah is receiving food stamps.

06.  Don't mess with Maryland women!

(Oprah worked for Channel 13 in Baltimore for several years.) 

A lady in Chestertown, Maryland got mad because a male friend would not admit that he owed her ten dollars... so, she threw drain cleaner in his eyes and blinded him.

07.  Priorities

I just read where the CEO's of our major religious organizations all have the following schedule of allegiance: 

Christian First
American Second

I wonder if any of the upcoming debate questioners would ask a question about that.  How would the candidates answer?  BTW our founding fathers were almost all Deists. 

08.  Jim Hightower sez:

I've written about gadfly Hightower before.  He claims that "Dubya" (as he calls him), when asked what Americans should do at 911 time, said:  "Go out and shop!" 

Jim picks on lots of "airheads" regardless of Political Affiliation.

09.  Immortality

As some people have noticed, first class postage became 45 cents a couple of days ago.  Elaine asked me to get a lot of 44 cents "Forever" stamps before time ran out.  Our Post Office only had commemorative stamps left.   But so what.. they work.  From now on, all first class stamps will be  "Forever".   Isn't that nice to know?   I remember when I could send a first class letter for (hold your breath) THREE CENTS!  And, at the same time, we got 2 (count'em) TWO MAIL DELIVERIES EACH DAY!  (Boy, am I old.)

10.  Father, Are you a Chaplain in the Navy?


That's the question a lady posed to the Priest mentioned above.. when he said "No".. she said: "That's funny because I can see your navel."

(gasp!)

Jiri Hulcr,  PhD, says that the human belly button is filled with lots and lots of strange bacteria. He is connected to the Belly Button Biodiversity Project.

http://www.wildlifeofyourbody.org/

11.  They're still at it!

Those wacko religiosos from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, have announced plans to picket the funeral of Virginia Tech Police Officer Deriek Croused.  College students have been advised not to talk to them or acknowledge their presence.  The 40 members of that church are all related and must share similar idiocy genes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church


12.  Co-bed education?

In the fall of 2012, Towson (Maryland) University will be establishing "gender-neutral" housing options open to students in two dormitories (Halls).  Are frat houses and sorority houses now "gender-neutral", other than on weekends? My, how times have changed. In my day, we had to live in "gender-specialized" caves and write our homework in cuneiform characters on flat rocks.

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Enough!
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Christmas Planning Already!

Last night, Elaine and I made our annual pilgrimage to Westminster, Maryland's Mistletoe Mart.  The local Episcopal Church presents a very successful juried arts and crafts show each year.  Let me tell you about some places we visited.

1.  Summerhaze Pottery

Elaine has a collection of a special type of pottery created only by the Summerhaze shop, hidden in a remote area of  Tidewater Virginia.  James Stewart might have written a poem about their place:

Summerhaze Pottery is a beautiful place,
Surrounded by green trees and grass,
But getting to Summerhaze Pottery,
Is a terrible pain in the ass.

But worth it.. Elaine and I visited there a few years ago and were given a royal tour of their kiln area and workshops.  I think I have written somewhere else in my blogs about their friendly dogs.

Summerhaze came up to the Mistletoe Mart just so Elaine could add another piece to her collection.  Here is a picture of a piece she already had, so you can see why she likes it.

Summerhaze has many other kinds of pottery that you might like.  Check them out at:

http://summerhazepottery.com/

2.  Our Favorite Sculptor

John Sokolovich is a true artist who works in metal.  He sculpts and welds all kinds of creations from scrap metal, old tools, license plates and any other metalic thing he can find.  Elaine and I visited his enormous barn-studio in New Oxford, Pennsylvania, and were astounded and amazed at some of the beautiful items dreamed up by his ever-working brain.  

At this show, he had one item that would have made a Baltimore Ravens fan drool.  It was a Raven crafted out of a license plate, scissors, wire, bolts, and I don't know what else.  The only problem, he had forgotten to paint it purple.  Before we left the show, I noticed that a fan was buying the raven from him.. he will probably take it upon himself to paint it purple... or.. is the raven supposed to stay black?

We didn't buy anything from John this year, but take a look at what we bought a couple of years ago:

We bought a twin of this last year.  Now we have one on each wall framing our deck door.

John doesn't have a website, but if you are interested in seeing some of his work, send him an email at

jjsoko@comcast.net

3.  Smells good!

Another spot that we like at the Mistletoe Mart is where the folks from Willow Pond Farm are located.  Willow Pond Farm itself is located in Fairfield, Pennsylvania, near Gettysburg.  These folks specialize in herbs of all kinds and have on display samples of many dips made from their herbs and also homemade vinegars, jams and jellies, honey of all types, and homespun clothing.  Of course, Elaine and I sample almost everything; Elaine doesn't do garlic.

Every year, we end up buying flavored honey and a catnip-filled cloth fish on a string.  Usually, our cat (s) will tear those fish up in ten minutes flat;  this year, SuZee sniffed it a few times and ignored it.. I wonder why.

Each year the Pennsylvania Lavender Festival is held for three days in June at Willow Pond Farm.  There are workshops, lectures, and cut-your-own-lavender sessions.   The farm maintains three acres of lavendar plantings.  The lavender smell helps Elaine to sleep.

Interested in Willow Pond Farm?  http://www.willowpondherbs.com/

Interested in the Lavender Festival?  http://www.palavenderfestival.com/

4. I dare you not to laugh!

Another favorite spot at the Mistletoe Mart is the area where Bruce Garrabrandt shows his remarkable artwork.  Bruce does lots of things.  He is a professional artist, writer, motivational speaker, and inn-keeper (with his wife).  He resides at their Bed-and-Breakfast in Terre Hill, Pennsylvania, right in the middle of the Pennsylvania Dutch Country.  He creates FUNNY pictures!

I bought one of Bruce's books,   The Power of Having Desire, (the Key Secret to Accomplishing Anything You Really Want.)  (You might rightly ask: why does a guy at my age want with a motivational book?  I dunno.  Guess I'm still a little ambitious... and I want to get up the nerve to do some of the things I have always wanted to do before I shuffle off this ... well you know what I mean.)

In his book are words of praise by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Ben Carson MD, Tim Conway, and Bill Keane.  I admire all of these persons for their "worldliness"... i.e., their mature outlook on the world, even when it is hidden inside professionalism, comedy, and/or cartoons.  (For those of you who may not know, Bill Keane, the creator of The Family Circus, passed away yesterday.  I think that his son, Jeff, will be carrying on the "family" tradition.)

If these folks like Bruce's work, I can't wait to read his book.  In addition, I purchased a CD that he published called: Nature with a Twist (a Playful Look at Life, Art and Other Turmoil).  The cover shows a rabbit atop Bruce's head, shown in a twisted frame with the title: Hare Transplant. 

A couple of testimonials listed on the CD cover are worth pondering:  "Dating Bruce was pivotal in my decision to become a nun."  and "...and (he) once had his underwear sewn shut by an irate co-ed."   Get the picture?  This guy is my kind of loony-toons genius.  You gotta check his work out!

http://www.artbybruce.com/

5. Sweet stuff

A choclatier had a site where she was selling a box of 18 chocolates for $35.  They can't be that good, can they?  Instead, while poking around the cookie/candy table, I found a bag of 50 milk-chocolate Trick-or-Treat candies for $1., a much better buy, in my opinion. Of course, as a pre-diabetic person, I violated my chocolate probation and devoured a large amount of these delicious candies before we left the building.   Please don't tell on me.. it's bad enough that my A1C test will squeal on me in a couple of months.

Basta! Enough!  In November 2012, barring disasters predicted by some kind of Aztec prophet, the Mistletoe Mart will be on again, and I invite you to come and visit with the nice folks I have mentioned.

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How to Understand a Woman

I was listening to a Gunsmoke radio episode from 1960 last night and noted the following exchange.

Chester: "Mr. Dillon, why is Miss Kitty so grouchy tonight? I just don't understand her sometimes."

Marshal Dillon: "Chester, save yourself some grief. Don't try to understand what a woman is thinking."

(The episode was written by a woman.)

Also, yesterday, Elaine showed me a piece of a comic strip that showed a girl complaining about her boyfriend's necktie, over and over as he tried on several. She finally said she liked the last one he tried on.. which was actually the first one he had on. He told her that he didn't understand. She told him not to worry about it and gave him a kiss.

I think that Ovid said this many years ago: "There are five facts that a man must know to be able to understand a woman.. unfortunately, no man knows any of them yet.".. or words to that effect. And Ovid was an expert on LOVE.

Elaine is watching the "Bachelor" show on TV and the women there appear to me to be complete airheads. If I had never heard of the show before and suddenly found it on TV and watched a bit of it, I would guess that it was filmed inside a whorehouse. (sorry)

Why would a woman want to demean herself by appearing on that show? One would ask: "Why do women chase after men anyway?" Ovid (again) said: "Women chase after men? Does a mousetrap chase after mice?"

Last week, after watching that Bachelor show, Elaine turned on another kind of related show which I found to be hilarious. On this show, four beautiful ladies sat facing the stage and in their hands were double-faced signs. One side said "interested"; the other side said "not interested".

As they sat there, men would be pushed accross the stage on a conveyer belt. When it stopped, they would do all kinds of "shtick" to try to charm the ladies until one of them showed the "interested" sign. Then they would be able to go into a "holding area", where they would stay until their "interested" lady got interested in a different man, who would take their place.

If the man in front of the four ladies did not interest any of them.. they would be shuffled off on the conveyer belt and another "man" would be wheeled out.

It was obvious to me that these conveyer-belt men were young actors. No man could possibly be as stupid as they made themselves out to be. But they were certainly funny. The final "picked winners" got to go on a date with the ladies that picked them. There was some funny footage of these dates.

I thought that this show was right on the money... it showed how dumb some men act compared to women.. rather than the Bachelor show, where women are showed as dummies.

'enry 'iggins sang: "Why can't a woman be more like a man?" But if they were, wouldn't that be a crazy world?

Elaine and I watched the movie "War and Peace" the other night. (I had waded through much of the book once.. and even though I had studied Russian, I could not keep the Russian-named characters straightened out sufficiently to follow all of the plots and gave it up.) The movie folks had shortened the names and kind of anglicized them somewhat, so it was easier to follow the plots.

While the Russian men in the movie acted dumb most of the time, the women in the movie spent most of their time trying to seduce the men and seemed to care little for anyone's welfare but their own. I guess that was what Tolstoy thought the world was all about.. and women were like that.. airheads.. like on the Bachelor show.

A few years ago, I read "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" and several of its offshoots trying to understand women. It helped a little. I learned that men should not try to change women, while women must try constantly to change men, because men are just big boys, at least in the U.S.

The Europeans have a phrase for it: Europeans put the man into the boy too soon. Americans leave the boy in the man too long. (One example: the Baltimore Sun had a picture of two men who had spent 15 hours each having Baltimore Ravens symbols and information tatooed into their arms.)


Any thoughts on the subject?


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