Christmas Shopping #2 2009

Well, since we never did get any Christmas shopping done last night, we (Elaine) decided that we would set out again at 5 pm today. Our destinations were: The Factory Card Outlet, Boscov's, and Lowes. And, guess what.. we did get to each of them.

At the Factory Card Outlet, we bought a nice card for our friend who is turning 80 tomorrow. We also bought some more XMAS cards. (I don't know how we are going to get all of our cards mailed before Christmas.. but so what, it won't be the first time our cards were late.)

Those who read my blogs know how I feel about clerks asking for your telephone number which they can then sell to brokers for lots of money. At our TRIAD meeting today, we talked about that.. one person said when they are asked for their number, they make one up.. others said that they say: "My number is unlisted." For years, I gave them telephone numbers of elected public officials. Probably, under the Patriot Act, that would be illegal today.

When the clerk asked for my number, I said: "I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours." She actually started to give me her number until Elaine gave her a dirty look.
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At the Outlet, they had what is probably today's top Tasteless Gift: A pig made out of white candy, with a pile of chocolate malt balls at his rear end. I wonder who buys stuff like that.. no.. I know who buys stuff like that. They drive giant pickups and blast their horns at you to get out of their way.. and when they pass you, you get a good view of the testicles hanging from their trailer hitch.
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White Christmas and I Wish You a Merry Christmas were playing as we shopped.

Next, we went to Boscov's Department Store. Crowded with people.. spending their "stimulus" money? Like Belks, Boscov's has a central perfume section. Like Belks, I have to keep a close watch on Elaine to make sure she doesn't soak up on scent. She smells good without it, but, like all women, she likes perfume.

We bought a nice jade necklace for our friend's birthday. It has Chinese characters embedded in it.. that reminds me of a true story.. one of New York's famous socialites always wore a brass Chinese token around her throat. It looked like one of those coins with a square hole in the middle.

One day, at a party, a Chinese man was a guest and took an interest in her charm. She noticed and asked him to translate.. she had always wondered with the characters meant. He declined politely, but she insisted.. so he translated:

"Admit One to the Hong Kong Brothel."
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Now, I don't know what the characters on the necklace we bought mean.. but there was a clue.. a note said that there were six wishes connected with the jade piece. It didn't say what the wishes were.

One has to be careful with Chinese translations. I have a Chinese scroll that shows a beautiful and scary tiger surveying his jungle area. Very realistic. At one time, I had an employee who grew up in China. I decided to ask her to translate the characters shown below the tiger. She said that she would rather not say what it meant. When I insisted (I was her boss afterall), she finally said: "China is a tiger, waiting to devour the world."
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Well, this seems to be coming true.. It amazes me that in a very short period of time, a poor communist country has turned into one of the outstanding capitalistic countries in the world. Once, only Commisars could afford an automobile.. now, China buys more new cars each year than the United States!
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Elaine and I picked up some small cheap items in Boscov's auditorium.. just as we went to pay for them, the clerk got up, put on her coat and walked out. So, we went outside to another sales station.. nobody was there.. so we went to another, and another, and another.. where were the clerks? It was 6:30 PM and we figured that maybe this was their break time.

I finally spotted a lady who looked like management.. she agreed to check us out and take our money.. but not before looking around and not finding any clerks. Strange.

Next, we went to the (guess what) Alfred Dunner petite section.. just like we did at Belks.. however, at Boscov's they treat the boyfriends and husbands better than at Belks and provide a chair near the fitting room. There I sat for what seemed like hours (but for only 30 minutes), holding Elaine's selections and looking like Musetta's sugar-daddy in LaBoheme.

White Christmas and I Wish You a Merry Christmas were playing over the loud speaker.

(Incidentally, at Boscov's they have a section named after a guy named Clarence.. the prices there are a lot lower than in other sections... it's funny, they put an extra "e" in the word and spell it a little differently.. they spell it: Clearance.)

(Also, from where I was sitting, it seemed as though every piece labeled "Alfred Dunner" was priced as $36. But when Elaine checked out.. each piece rang up at a different price. This is very difficult for a man to understand.)

(I noticed that next to the Alfred Dunner section is a section labeled: Sag Harbor. Now, honestly, is any woman going to wear clothing that has the word SAG in it?)

As we came out of Boscov's a gentleman was blowing his nose into his handkerchief and made a perfect "honk!" In all of the years I have been alive, I have never been able to "honk". This must be a specialty of some men.. I have never heard a woman "honk". It must take a lot of practice to be able to "honk".

Although we were now starving and grumpy.. we made our way to Lowe's and purchased some special light bulbs for our kitchen light. The bulbs seem to last just 2 weeks each before they burn out. We also bought two green extension cords so that we can get our outside wreath lights to glow. Our outlets were dead a couple of days ago. My son-in-law, John, told us what was probably wrong. When the village fixit man came to look into our problem, I told him what my son had said.. and the fixit man found that what John said was true. He reset something or other and then we had power. Power! Power! And don't we all long to have power?

Senator Joe Lieberman has power and he is using it to thwart the wishes of the Democratic Party. There are a number of petitions going around requesting his removal from the Senate. As Disraeli said: "Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely." Witness: Adolph Hitler; Benito Mussolini; Tojo; Stalin; George W. Bush.

Some of you may not agree with what I have just said.. but remember, this is my opinion.. you can have your own opinion.. this is still a free and wonderful country.
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While in Lowe's, the loudspeaker was blaring: White Christmas and I Wish You a Merry Christmas..............

Well, once again.. we managed not to get any Christmas shopping done.. but we had a lot of fun.

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