The crazy world continues to spin

Here are a few of the things that take up a small number of the billions of neurons in my skinny brain:

01.   Wow!  That's smart!

Scientific American magazine for July 2011 includes the following article, that I highly recommend:
"The Physics of Intelligence..Evolution has packed 100 billion neurons into our three-pound brain. CAN WE GET ANY SMARTER?"

The author, Douglas Fox doesn't think we can get too much smarter.. but perhaps technology and culture may someday enable us to form a collective human entity (like bees)  that would be smarter than the sum of its parts.  Could this be where we are heading with Facebook and other social media?  Wikipedia?  Google?

What about other creatures?  It was interesting to hear this week that an elephant has now figured out how to use a tool to gain access to food normally out of his reach.  This puts Jumbo in the same brainpower category as dolphins, otters,  and chimpanzees.

And.. of course.. whales.  Think about a humpback..  it works with its siblings to round up schools of herring, mackrel, and krill for supper.. all the while singing popular whale songs as it glides effortlessly through its environment.. enjoying all of the activity going on in its enormous brain.

02.  Hay ride?

Well, the Iowa Straw Poll voting is over and results are in.  It is interesting to me that each voter has to have a $30 ticket, that is probably handed to a supporter by one of their candidate's staff..  so, the candidate whose staff is not agressive enough to get many tickets.. logically gets less of the vote.. at least it seems that way to me.  Check it all out on Wikipedia.  An explanation of the vote and a tabulation of the results by year is shown.  Very interesting.

03.  Papa Smurf

Last Thursday, I picked up a book at the Westminster Senior Activity Center, called Winters' Tale.  No, it wasn't written by Shakespeare.  It was a book of short stories by Jonathan Winters.   I have liked Mr. Winters for many years and his brand of crazy humor, so I couldn't wait to sit down quietly and read his book.  Unfortunately, even though he has been making people laugh for 60 years (He's almost 85 years old),  this book was the most unfunny book I have ever read.  I got almost all the way through before I threw the book in the recycling bin. 

I see by his website ( http://www.jonathanwinters.com/ ) that some signed copies of that book are selling for hundreds of dollars.  I wonder why.

However, don't let what I say influence you.  If you like Mr. Winters' work, check out the book and form your own opinion.  And, by all means, listen to the NPR interview of him on his website.  Perhaps this will help you remember when Johnny Carson presented him with a stick and Jonathan did "stick schtick" with it for ten minutes.  I certainly have enjoyed all of Mr. Winters' "schtick" for many years, and I wish him many more years of humorous activity.

04.  Ow! That smarts!

It was mentioned today on NPR that Leon Trotsky was killed by someone thrusting an ice pick through his eye.  Yuk!  I know how that feels.  Every few weeks I have to have eyeball injections for macular degeneration in my right eye.  But it is doing me good.  When I started, I saw a round black ball through that eye.  Now, there is no black ball at all, but just a picture of reality that is kind of wavy.  Someday, I may even be able to read with that eye again.  Using both eyes together, my vision is extremely good.

Last month, at the preliminary examination (before the shot), the examiner said: "Even though your right eye ain't too good, your left eye is smokin'!"  Hey, man, that's good to hear.

05.  Save on savon

It was also mentioned on NPR today that "air baths" are just as good as soaking in a soap filled tub.. probably better, because you don't get all that "unsightly soap film" all over your body.  My cousin Charlie enlightened me a few years ago that perspiration per se does not smell.  Tell that to the deodorant sellers.   

06.   Dog-napping

I read where the thefts of dogs has increased in the past year.  The most common theft occurs in home invasions.. burglaries..  besides the giant TV, the dog is snatched as well. 

The second most common theft is from the car where the dog is sitting while the owner is in a store like WalMart.  Having the window cracked is probably  a help to the thief. 

The next most common theft occurs when the owner ties the dog up outside while they shop inside.

In all of these instances.. why didn't the dogs bite or scare away the thief? Was the dog napping?

Just be aware that these thefts are taking place, and make sure you have a micro chip implanted in Fido.

07.  Dog-pooping

The Week magazine mentions that a Taiwanese city has offered dog owners who clean up after their pets, a ticket to a lottery drawing for every bag of dog poop turned in.  The prize can go as high as $2,100.

08.  Anti-Social Media?

The Week magazine also mentions that a crime fugitive taunted police on his Facebook page.  "Catch me if you can.  I'm in Brooklyn."  Apparently, he didn't do his privacy setting properly, so police shortly popped in on him at his apartment, where he was still interacting with Facebook.

09.  Cell phones

I have mentioned this before.  One of the most glamorous movie stars of all time was named Hedy Lamarr.  However, most people do not know that she and a co-inventor developed "frequency hopping" which is now used in cell phone technology. Check out this website.. it even has a copy of the invention documents.

http://www.inventions.org/culture/female/lamarr.html

10.  Pope Joan

A new religious book has been published by Random House:  Absolute Monarchs:  A History of the Papacy by John Julius Norwich.   I haven't read the book yet, but I am intrigued by a review in The Week magazine.  May I quote:  "Legend has it that there was even a female pontiff.  Pope Joan, the story goes, briefly became the leader of the Catholic church during the ninth century by disguising herself.  She was purportedly discovered when she gave birth while attempting to mount a horse."

11.  Satan triumphs?

The West Memphis 3 were just released from prison.  Prosecutors decided not to retry them for the  1993 slaying of three cub scouts.  The slaying has been reported as part of a horrible Satanic ritual.
Many felt that they were wrongly convicted.  They were allowed to plead "guilty" in exchange for release; thereby, saving the prosecutor from retrying the case and losing because of the lack of original evidence.   We will probably now be able to revisit the documentary about the case on TV.

12.  Stinkbugs attack!

So far, we have lost our Zuchini and Squash plants to stinkbugs.  Now they are eyeing up our tomato plants.  Unfortuately, there is no way to get rid of them in a reliable way.  We can't use insecticides.  We are squirting them with soapy (savon) water.  They don't like that, but just fly away in disgust.  There are traps that use stinkbug sex hormone... but, as with Japanese Beetle lures, that is exactly what they do.. lure other stinkbugs to join them.  At least we have lots of tomatoes this year and can share them, albeit reluctantly, with the bugs.  I'm glad they don't like flowers.

Exciting Stuff

Let me mention some really exciting stuff that has been going on.


01. Cell phones. A store in Mayaysia is selling paper copies of cell phones, so that the dead can make calls from Heaven to their loved ones without having to pay for an online connection. . I guess you just drop them into the coffins and then wait for a celestial connection to be made.

02. Cell phones. Toronto police respond to over 300 calls each day by people who accidently sit on their phones. These are called "Butt calls" and account for 10% of 911 calls.

03. Parents' dorms: Chinese universities are setting up separate dormitories for overprotective parents. As you know, China's one child policy means that the single child must be protected at all costs.

04. History: In my opinion, Texas textbooks do not necessarily follow the true story of History. As they stress America as a "Christian" land, ruled by "Christian" principles., they have dumped Deists like Thomas Jefferson and others from these books. However, one hopes that when students reach college level training, they can think and read for themselves and see if what they were taught was true.

05. Pancakes? The International House of Pancakes sued the International House of Prayer for the use of IHOP. It would not have been a problem, except that the prayer group started to serve food.

06. Sarah. Jim Stentzel of Key West, Florida, says that followers of Sarah Palin should be called "Palindromes". Draw your own conclusions about this.. especially considering that palindromes are the same backward from forward.

07. Birth questions continue: The Washington Spectator reports that Arizona Republican Senator Judy Burges filed a bill in an attempt to keep President Obama off the 2012 ballot. It would require an original long-form birth certificate that would include, the date and place of birth, the name of the hospital and the attending physician, and signatures of all of the witnesses in attendence. Unbelievably, forty legislators have signed on with the bill!

08. Gun control? Since 1968, over one million Americans have died of gunshots, in crimes, accidents and suicides.

09. Hubba! Hubba! A British survey indicates that American men remain attractive to women up to the age of 55. In the past, women no longer watched men when they reached the age of 45.

10. Donny: The Nation magazine printed the following poem by Calvin Trillin about Donald Rumsfeld's recent memoir:

The book is fat, the message slim:
Mistakes were made, but not by him.

(This has made me want to read it.)

11. La loi c'est la loi. As soon as the policeman could get into the hospital, he handed the mother of a 13-year-old girl a ticket for jaywalking. He couldn't give it to the girl herself, because she was in a coma after being hit by a car.

12. Snoring: Jenny Chapman, British subject, was found by a sleep clinic to be the loudest snorer on record... some of her snores reached to 111.6 decibels.. louder that the noise from a diesel truck. One commiserates with Mr. Chapman.

.........................................................................................................

Revised List for Santa

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a list of fantastic things we might like Santa to bring. That post was not very creative, I'm sorry to say.. and a couple of people even said that it was uninspired.

I'll try to correct that a bit because a great yearly event has now occured, I have received my annual copy of Hammacher Schlemmer's famous catalog of "must have", "almost impossible to get" stuff. It comes to me under the "Joe M Vaughan" mailing list. For the few of you who follow these blog posts, you know that the M between my first and last name stands for MONEY, and the catalog sender probably thinks that I am rich, because I once subscribed to Forbes Magazines, using that name.

However, you don't have to be rich to buy many of the great things shown in this catalog. I highly recommend it to you, if you don't already get it. In our materialistic age, Christmas is the time to wish for stuff that we probably don't really need, but hope that someone will give us, and this catalog has lots of stuff to stimulate our hopefulness.

So, for now, I will make an upbeat list of Hammacher Schlemmer things I might like Santa to bring to this household, if he also has access to the catalog. (However, make no mistake, being naughty as usual, I don't think Santa would even consider climbing down our chimney, even if we had one.)

01. Barking Dog Deterrent. This Pablovian device emits sound that is irritable to dogs. One sets it to make the bad noise whenever Fido barks and disturbs your peace. (I wish they had this 20 years ago when the only way to get a dog to shut up at 3 am was to hit it with a big rock.)

02. Flying Car. This vehicle converts from a regular type automobile to a flyable aircraft. HS' price is $350,000, but is certainly well worth the price.

03. Gyroscopic Dumbbell. This is a tennis ball sized device that is used to almost effortlessly build up your wrist, biceps, triceps and deltoid muscles. (I wish I had also known about this 20 years ago, when I was spending hours lifting tons of weights, trying to look like Big Arnie Schwartzenegger.)

04. Finger Drum Mouspad. This device allows you to play all kinds of drum sounds by using your finger taps. For less than $40 you can be your own Gene Krupa.

05. A wall crawling arachnid. This is a remote controlled spider that can scurry up walls and across ceilings. (Wouldn't this be a great thing for High School boys with which to scare the girls!)

06. Aviator's hat. This is an exact replica of the ear-flap cap worn by my friend, Sid Simon, as he sat in his Flying Fortress and bombed the hell out of Aachen, Germany.

07. Marshmallow shooter. This is a pump action device that can shoot edible marshmallows up to 30 feet. You can also get a target to go with it that plays a sound whenever it is hit, even by those soft white things. (Parents should get this for their agressive children who are now engaged in hitting other kids with bruise-enducing rocks.)

08. Cell phone watchdog. A great idea. One puts the "watchdog" on your keychain and whenever the cell phone and you are more than 30 feet apart, it beeps. (Now, I have to dial a lost cell phone and hope that it is close enough for me to hear the ringtone.)

09. Turtle astronomer. This is a soft cuddly turtle that projects the image of 8 constellations upon the ceiling when you go to bed. The whole thing shuts off after 45 minutes so that you can fall asleep.

10. Bug vacuuming breakthrough. This is a light weight cordless vacuum tube that sucks up stinkbugs from almost 2 feet away and kills them humanely. Using this would probably be a lot easier than plugging in and lugging your 200 pound vacuum cleaner close to the bug and trying to get the little stinker sucked up before he scurries away.

11. Colorful snowman set. This is a set of paint that does not melt when it is squeezed onto Mr. Snowman. We should no longer need to find buttons for eyes, coal for teeth, or carrots for noses. They can now just be painted on. In fact, as a catalog picture of a painted snowman shows, one can paint the snowman's name right on the snow-white snow.

12. Yankee Stadium Seats. This is amazing and I can think of a guy who would pay a lot more than the asking price of $1,500 for these authentic Yankee Stadium seats. Two seats are attached and sold together.

Santa, if you can't bring us any of these items, we will understand. But would you please deliver Hammacher Schlemmer catalogs to each of the persons on our Christmas card list, so they can take a look at all the wonders contained within that good old American ingenuity has come up with for the 2010 Christmas season..

.................................................................................................................