A Snowy October Day in 2011

Surprise!  For the fifth time in recorded Maryland history, we are experiencing snow on an October day.  This, for us senior citizens, cancels three functions  that we were planning to attend today.  So, that means that I have time to update this blog for October 2011.

01.  Good News for Inebriates Down Under!

On this morning's Wait, Wait, Dont Tell Me show, a news clip mentioned that rubber sidewalks are being installed somewhere in Australia.  Those great Aussies love to slug down their giant Foster's Beers each night, and this will help them avoid hurting themselves as they careen down the street towards home.

Take a look at some of Foster's great commercials.  Be forewarned..it may take a long time to load, and you may  have to submit proof of your age!  However, if you like beer, you will probably think that it is all worth it.

http://www.fostersbeer.com/

02.  Royal Perqs

Also mentioned on the WWDTM show today was a section about nice things that you can have if you are members of the UK royalty, such as:

Help with Pressing Matters

For instance, the Prince of Wales has a servant who irons his shoelaces.

Help to eliminate Encrouchments

For instance, the Earl of Mountbatten has a servant who lubricates the Earl's tight pants so that he can slip into them easily.

What about the Duke of Windsor?

03.  Seattle's Best

After I sent a nasty email to NETFLIX, they reactivated my ROKU and now, once again, I have access to both mailed-to-me movies and online NETFLIX selections.  To celebrate, I pulled up and watched the first two episodes of the Frasier TV show.  It started in 1993 and I loved to watch it then because it always made me laugh.  It still does.  (La Comedia e Stupenda!) 

Two segments on these early shows knocked me out.

Lupe Velez

Roz told Frasier the story about the supposed suicide of Lupe Velez, the hot-blooded vixen of 1940's movies.  When she was in her forties, she decided to commit suicide and stage it so she would always be remembered.  She put on her finest clothes and had her beautiful bed draped with the finest coverings, and prepared by drinking some of the finest champagne and exquisite food.  She planned to then take poison, drape herself over the bed provocatively,  and await notoriety.   However, she must have eaten too much of that good food, got nauseous and was instead found drowned with her head in her toilet bowl.   She did achieve her notoriety alright, but perhaps not the way she would have wanted.

http://quiterevealing.com/personal/cafeq/fdtextlupe.htm

Punxsatawney Phil?

Frasier comes out of his bedroom in a disheveled manner, wearing a loose bathrobe.  During an argument with Roz, his bathrobe opens by accident.  Roz then delivers the line that I think is the funniest line I have ever heard on a TV sitcom:  "Oh.. I see that we will be having six more weeks of Winter."

04.  Gangsters!

The Brits are upset.  English kids are betting money on the game of marbles!  What next!

The Americans are upset.  American kids are betting money in online poker!  Moral depravity!

Members of the U.S. Congress are upset.  People who play the slots are now being deceived into thinking they are on the verge of winning, because of interactive messages now appearing on the slot devices that say things like: "Wow!  You just missed winning $1,000 by 4 pulls.".. or words to that effect.  A Congressional Hearing was held last Tuesday.  I hope that I can pull up some of this session on CSPAN and learn what to avoid when I go to Nevada.

No.. I don't really gamble.. just like all senior citizens, when I go to a slot machine parlor, I take $20 and when I lose that, I quit.  Besides, the slots are no longer fun.. they have taken away the buckets and the coins that would flow out of the machines when you won.. some have even taken away the metallic sounds.  Damn spoilsports!  I think I'll stick with the Maryland Lottery; at least, with them, I can play by mail and once in a while get a $2 winning check in the mail.

By the way, statistics show that the top three "sports" watched on TV are:

   1: NFL; 2: NASCAR; 3: POKER

05.  Pass me the Bacon, please.

For many years, certain people have maintained that Shakespeare did not have the brains or education to write the plays that list him as the author.  Since he was "just an actor", he did not have the "smarts" to write something like Hamlet or MacBeth.   The real author obviously must have been a nobleman who didn't want anybody to know he wrote them.

In fact, some critics have even gone so far as to ascribe the works to Sir Francis Bacon, (most notably, a lady named Elizabeth Wells Gallup) and state that words in some of the plays are cryptograms.  Sir Francis had developed a "biliteral" alphabet that used multiple type fonts/faces for letters of the alphabet and she had determined, by using this code to lines in Shakespeare's folios, that messages appeared.  For example purposes:  By assigning coded letters to the type faces on one line of Hamlet, the decoded line might then read: I Bacon am the author of this play.  And, yes, that was shown to work out in many cases.

However, a husband and wife team of cryptographic geniuses  (William and Elizabeth Friedman) also showed that the following might also be read by using the same alphabetic scheme:  I Mark Twain wrote this damn play.

Check out this background information for the Friedman's.  I think that you will find it interesting.  There are also whole books covering the Bacon Theory and how the Friedman's debunked it.

http://kakopa.com/geo/friedman.htm

Much other work over the years has been done to debunk the Bacon is Shakespeare theory.  For one thing, existing writing by Bacon does not come anywhere near the classiness of Will's work.

Anyway... what I am trying to show is that the theory of another (nobler) author of Shakespeare's works was long ago debunked.  So, why the sudden appearance of the movie Anonymous?

Roland Emmerich, the noted director of a lot of spectacular movies such as Godzilla, has a hit on his hand.. with remarkable photography and acting.  But, one must ask why he has to rationalize this work by coming up with ten reasons to defame the bard?  (Methinks thou may protest too much.)

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/anonymous/featurette-roland-emmerichs-10-reasons

I will order the movie from Netflix and probably will enjoy it.. however, I will still consider it a fictional story unless some other evidence comes up to convince me otherwise.

Goodby for now.
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Happy Holidays?

Holiday season 2010:

01. Baltimore's carol: I hope that you have heard "Crabs for Christmas". If you listen to WAMU (Washington, DC FM station) you know that the host of the "Old Time Radio" show was the first person to sing that great song. At the December meeting of the Carroll County AARP, the leader of the Senior Singers played the piano and sang a marvelous Baltimorese version of the words.. and he isn't even a native Marylander! Made me want to run right out and order me some nice spicy Balty More crabs.

02. HON trademark: I'm glad that Denise Whiting has now gotten "HON" trademarked. She was the originator of the HON madness that engulfs the Hamden area, as well as all of Baltimore. She doesn't want folks exploiting something that she thought up. However, she also doesn't want to exploit it herself. I've met Denise and she is a wonderful caring person.. a fine representative of what is good about Baltimore people.

03. Good lungs now: A Chicago songwriter has written a holiday song, some of the words of which are: "Santa doesn't smoke anymore." "He must have read the surgeon general's warning." "He took one last puff, and then said: I've had enough!"

I encourage you to find this song, as well as a copy of "Crabs for Christmas" and get into the spirit of the holidays.

04. Hanukah Rocks: We should all be ecomenical this year, so I encourage you to also get a copy of Walk on the Kosher Side, songs by rock band Gefilte Joe and the Fish.

05. How Bigotry celebrates the season: I understand that the scumbags from the Westboro Baptist Church will be picketing Elizabeth Edwards' funeral because they say she didn't ask God to cure her cancer.

06. Rudolph: I never could understand the worth of the message of this song. A group ostracises another creature for being different, and when the different being does something that the group approves of, that different being is now beloved by the group...? Shouldn't we be teaching our kids to love everyone, even the ones that are different, and not wait until they "earn" our love? I know, I know.. it's just a fun song for Christmas...

07. With charity to all? Thanks to Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and a couple of other guys who know how to make a buck, some billionaires are going to give money to charity while they are still alive. Kind of hard to be synical about that.

08. Wiki Leaks XMAS Cards? Some of my friends applaud the leaks. I don't. I was a cryptographer when I was in the Air Force, and I have some acquaintance with Top Secrets, and I believe that some degree of secrecy is necessary for a Nation to survive in these troubled times. Don't ask me to elaborate.. my lips are sealed.

09. Christmas in New York: NPR reports that one of the tunnels in and out of the city carries two versions of the same billboard picture. It is a manger scene... one billboard was paid for by the Catholic Church; one billboard was paid for by an Atheist group. Only the wording is different.

10. Cool heads: A man in Cumberland, Maryland, is charged with stealing over one thousand custom fitting hats. (Incidentally, his name is Wigger.) I like to think that he just wanted to give them to the poor and homeless as a gesture of friendship in the holiday spirit. (Elaine made me wear my Santa Claus hat all this week.)

11. Hot heads: Yesterday, crowds of protesters in London tried to paint Prince Charles' limousine for Christmas. Charles and Camilla showed typical British reserve by waving to the holiday host.

12. Winter Wonderland: Yesterday, a forecast of snow flurries came true.. about a quarter of an inch fell, at least in Carroll County, Maryland. It may sound strange to those who live in northern climes (like Massachusetts or Rhode Island).. but this minute amount of precip caused major havoc. One lady reported taking 3 hours to travel 6 miles on a major road. Schools closed early and businesses instituted a liberal leave policy.

Giant Grocery Store experienced a run on toilet paper, bread and milk, as folks stocked up for a long Winter's hibernation. Elaine and I slipped and slid to the Elk's Club for a luncheon. Safe at last, we sat and stuffed ourselves as we remembered those ancient days when we had to put chains on our tires in order to move in traffic.

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I Love Snow

The poet Shelley (you know, the Blythe Spirit guy) said:

I love snow, and all the forms
Of the radiant frost.

I also love snow, but maybe not so much of it.

When I was in grammar school, I was required to memorize several poems. Unfortunately, I was only able to remember the first few lines of each, try as I might.

(The only feat of memorization that I accomplished was the books of the Bible, when I was in a Baptist Sunday School. However, when it came time to demonstrate my prowess, I got stage-fright and couldn't even start to talk.)

One of the bits of poem that I was able to memorize was from James Russell Lowell's poem:

The First Snow-Fall.

The snow had begun in the gloaming
And busily all the night,
Had been heaping field and highway
With a silence deep and white.

The rest of the poem was kind of sad, so I was not eager to memorize it. This sadness surprized me, because Mr. Lowell was the only one of the famous Massachusetts 19th Century poets who normally did humorous and satirical work.

(By the way, Mr. Lowell was the author of the influential Biglow papers.. the first series of which lambasted the Mexican War.. the second series of which was concerned with the Civil War.)

I was interested in this word "gloaming" = dusk. I found that the word probably was derived from Middle English "gloming", from "glom" meaning "dusk". The words "gloom" and "gloomy" come from these roots.

Remember: "Roaming through the gloaming, with my sweetheart by my side." I think this was a line from a Scottish song popularized by Sir Harry Lauder.

Well, the TV announcer says that Eldersburg, Maryland has now received over 20" of snow today.. on top of the 28" they received a couple of days ago. (That's four feet of snow in one week, folks.. more than at Vancouver for the Winter Olympics.) Eldersburg is about 10 miles away from where we are.. and we probably have received as much as they have.

The 40 mph wind gusts are still heaping drifts around our house.. in addition, a Bobcat with a snow blower keeps going by and blowing snow all over the drifts.

Things like mailboxes and fire hydrants disappeared from sight long ago. The poor birds are flying around looking for food and we have cabin fever, but there is no way we could venture out in this blizzard.

The snow is supposed to stop in three hours, but the winds will keep it drifting until tomorrow morning when the sun will miraculously appear to warm us up a bit and melt all of the icicles.

If I were younger, I would now be out shoveling snow. I loved to do that, especially when I was a teenager. On a day after a big snow storm, I could sometimes make $10 shoveling people out. (Ten dollars was big money when I was a kid.)

Now, I live in a "continuing care community" and they don't advise any of us old dudes to shovel snow. At 3 AM this morning, I heard some Spanish, turned on my porch light, and discovered an older man shoveling my porch. He did a good job, but by 8 AM, we were snowed in again. A group of guys came by around ten AM and shoveled the porch again. The snow quickly piled up again and I guess they gave up because the porch snow is now shoulder-high. Maybe they'll come back in the early morning when the snow and blowing stops.

If I'm lucky, they will shovel out my driveway. However, there will still be six feet of snow on top of my car and I'll have to get that put somewhere. I am still young enough to be able to do physical things, but some of my neighbors are quite elderly. I hope they don't try to shovel anything because a heart is a terrible thing to lose.

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Random Thoughts for a Snowy Afternoon in Maryland

I just got back from the Giant Supermarket. It was a madhouse! Everybody in Maryland must buy milk, bread and toilet paper before every storm, even if their larder is already stocked. On the radio, it was reported that people in a Columbia, Maryland market were fighting over bread!

We are supposed to get over a foot of snow. This means that everything will stop in this area. Of course, there will still be young folks out there driving as though it were a sunny Spring day. As a former taxi-driver in New England, I lived through quite a few snow storms of very large proportions (once about 48"). We learned early in our driving careers about how to maneuver in slippery, slushy conditions.

How many people remember when one had to put chains on your tires in order to move in the snow? It took only a couple of big snow storms to learn how to quickly apply those metal life-savers. Of course, they usually broke a few blocks away from your goal and you had to "get out and get under" to get them repaired and ready to use again. Some years ago, snow tires were invented and that did away with chains, except in the more northern climes of the U.S.

Now I have to tell my Baltimore snow stories. If you have heard them from me before, just scroll through to the end.

I left Massachusetts in 1960 to come to work for Social Security in Baltimore. Relatives and friends advised us not to take Winter clothes because Maryland was below the Mason-Dixon line and warm all the time. We made our scantily-clad way to Pulaski Highway and holed up at a truckstop motel made of cinder blocks that were not quite matched up on the ends.

This would not have been a problem if the weather was indeed warm. But, instead, it was below freezing, and the wind was blowing snow through the cracks between the cinder blocks. We had never been so cold in our lives.

But, we stuck it out and borrowed enough clothes from co-workers to allow us to be somewhat warm until I got my first paycheck and we could buy some coats and sweaters.

My first Social Security assignment was to get training at the Standard Oil Building in downtown Baltimore. Some might know that it is situated at the side of a very steep hill. While in training, Baltimore was hit with a 6-inch snow storm during the day, and because there was no snow policy at the time, we were required to stay in our training area all day.

We had a lot of fun though, looking out the window overlooking the steep hill. The year before then had been a year with no snow precipitation at all, so the City of Baltimore sold all of their snow removal equipment and the hill remained very slippery with snow. Cars were having a hard time getting up and down. Some local politician got the bright idea that this condition could be fixed by using the hose unit of a fire comany truck.

The truck pulled up to the top of the hill, hooked a hose to a hydrant, and began to pour water down the snow-covered hill. This worked great in removing the snow.. but it wasn't so great when the water froze. I had never seen so many cars ski down that hill. Most of them made it to the bottom without hitting anything.. but some didn't. It was a great show.

Since the 1960's snow has been a regular visitor to the Baltimore area, but still not enough to allow drivers to learn how to maneuver in it. I taught safe driving to seniors for eight years and learned that it is almost impossible to explain how to drive in snow and ice when you are teaching in a classroom environment. One needs "on the job" experience.

In cities like Montreal, Canada, people adapt quite well to Winter weather. I visited there once in February and there was snow everywhere. People were doing cross-country skiing all over the place. Not many cars were being used at all. Besides skis, people were using the excellent subway system and shopping in Montreal's underground city.

During that Montreal trip, I put on an unplanned exhibition for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, but that will have to be the subject of another blog. Meanwhile, I am going to sit here at my kitchen window and watch the snow fall.

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News from January 20, 2010.

I want to mention some news items that intrigue me and then I want to say something about the big event in my old home state, Massachusetts.

01. During a burglary in White Marsh, Maryland, a king-size bed was stolen! (Just think about that.)

02. Because of protests by Animal Rights groups, Austrians stopped an avalanche experiment, in which pigs were buried in snow and watched to see if they were able to survive.

03. The Baltimore Department of Recreation was burgled. The stolen items were: 30 football helmets and 80 pairs of football pants. (How can you get mad at a football fan?)

04. The wonderful USNS Comfort hospital ship (out of Baltimore) is amazing, but a diagram of the ship shows that the morgue is situated right next to the lounge and just over the cafeteria. (Doesn't that sound a bit strange to you?)

05. If you get the chance, check out the wisdom contained in Garrison Keillor's column for today in the Baltimore Sun. It's title is: Despite all the screaming, common sense will prevail. Garrison says: "Should health care be a basic right, or is it a privilege for those who can afford it?"

06. Calvin Trillin wrote a poem in the latest Nation magazine about the world's tallest building. Check it out. The last two lines go:

Dubai, though I so hate to pry,
Why build a building quite that high?

07. Finally, for those who feel that Massachusetts Independents were crazy for voting for a Republican who could torpedo Health Reform.. didn't you know that Massachusetts already has mandatory health care..so why would that be an issue to them? Besides, the democratic candidate didn't know her Boston sports trivia.. bad news for anyone in Beantown.

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Thoughts for a Snowy Saturday in December

I'm sitting at a bay window, watching a junco on our porch and lots of sparrows at our bird feeders. The birds seem to be enjoying the blizzard.

I see by the Sunpaper that the greatest recorded snowfall in the Baltimore area was 28.2 inches right after Valentine's Day in 2003. Elaine and I were in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania at that time and when we got back to Reisterstown, we got stuck and couldn't get close to Elaine's home. I remember trudging through what seemed like a million miles of snow drifts to her house, so I could feed her cat.

I'm surprised to see that the Sunpaper did not list any large snowfalls in the 1960s. Once, during that time, there was a large snowstorm and I felt that I could get in to work even though the authorities in the Baltimore area had downsized by selling off most of their snowplows.

I was one of two persons responsible for preparing everybody's monthly Social Security checks, and I felt duty-bound to walk through unplowed Randallstown streets, through the unplowed country roads, to the unplowed Woodlawn Social Security Headquarters building.... Nobody was there except one guard.

It was nice working there all alone.. the only smoke was from my pipe.. but.. I was a little upset that my fellow worker did not even try to make it in. That night, instead of spending another few hours trudging home through snowdrifts, I stayed overnight at the home of a friend who lived nearby.

I vowed at that time to never again do such a stupid thing as walk miles through snowdrifts to a workplace where I was only one of a couple of people there, when the usual workforce was over 5,000.

But guess what... in that same year, we had another big snow storm.. and once again I felt that I could walk in.. at the time, we had what was considered an immovable deadline.. so, duty called once more. Luckily for me, a little way into the walk, a snow plow driver felt sorry for me and drove me in to work. Again, only a few workers made it in.

What did I get for these two "duty calls" efforts? My boss said: "You damn fool, why didn't you stay home?" I felt like saying to him: "Would my hero, Abraham Lincoln have stayed home?" I didn't.. but, the next time we had a big snowstorm, I stayed home just like everybody else. (However, my efforts did gain a kind of notoriety for me at Social Security.. I became the subject of a legend.)

I grew up in New Bedford, Massachusetts and big snow is not unusual there. That city is on the edge of Cape Cod and it catches every storm that comes up the coast, and also those that come across the northern part of the U.S. In 1959, while attending college, I drove a taxi sometimes, and a little snow would never deter me from trying to make a few dollars. Lots of people took cabs in snow storms.

One weekend it snowed 48 inches.. yes, I said 48 inches (probably not a record for New Bedford).. Armed with a shovel, I dug myself out of my house and walked (yes, you guessed it, through snowdrifts) the two miles to the cabstand, dug out my cab, put on chains and went to work. In Massachusetts, streets are usually all fairly clear shortly after any kind of snowfall, but I still made a lot of money that day.)

So, you see a little 22 inch snowfall in Maryland was not about to keep me from going to work, at least until I wised up.
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Let me tell you one more story about snowfall in New Bedford. I love to tell this story.

One night in Winter, I had taken a trolley to visit my future bride and her family, who lived three miles away. This was in the early days of television and my fiance's family had one of the first sets in the neighborhood. We all lost ourselves watching some of the old popular shows, like Uncle Milty, What's My Line, The Ed Sullivan Show, or somesuch. When the test pattern came on at 11 pm, I got ready to go and catch the late trolley.

That was when we noticed that we were having a blizzard. The snow was already quite high. My fiance's family insisted that I stay the night. I sacked out on a couch in their front parlor. The next morning was Sunday, and everyone but me rose at 6 am. As usual, all the streets had been cleared already.

My future father-in-law said "You need to wake Joe up because he has to get ready to go to mass with us." My fiance said: "He doesn't need to get up this early, he's not Catholic."

"HE'S NOT CATHOLIC!" bellowed my future father-in-law.

Well, I survived that crisis and we did get married, in a Catholiic church, and at the altar to boot.
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If you live on the East Coast, stay home today, look out the window and enjoy the beauty of the pure white snow. Throw some bread out to the birds, they look happy, but they are probably very hungry.
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