Rainy Season Thoughts

Well, the wind stopped a bit.. but it still is sputtering rain.  Our yellow flowers with pink insides are blooming in spite of the lousy weather.  As is usual, regardless of the weather, I have a compulsion to share news, jokes and "Crankshaft" type observations with anyone nearby.  So, if you have anything else to do with your time, avoid this blog entry.  Remember.. you've been warned.

01.  Car Talk

At the opening of today's Car Talk show, the Massachusetts guys posed some scientific type questions.  I don't think they would mind if I mention them here. (By the way, if you have not listened to that NPR show, you are missing a great experience.)

Q. What do you call a really small bottle of mouthwash?  
A.  Microscope.

Q. What is the mathematical ratio used in constructing an igloo?
A. Eskimo pie.

Q.  What is the shortest distance between 2 jokes.
A.  A straight line.

Q.  What is the term for the time between the stepping on a banana peel and falling on the ground?
A.  A bananasecond.

02.  More names.

Every so often, I mention people's names that I have collected over the years.  I apologize to those who own these names, but I think they are humorous.  If you know these people, please don't tell them, because I don't want to get a punch in the nose.

ALCOHOL:
Zula Z. Boozer
Martin I. Sober

FAMOUS NAMES:
Willie Huckleberry Finn
Mona Lisa Guess

FEATHERED FRIENDS:
Birdie Berryhill
Cola Chick
Russell Feathers
Canary Sires

FOOD:
Mr. Sizzleberger

JEWELS:
Opal Galightly
Fairest Ruby Klepfer

MEDICAL CONDITIONS:
Round Barnes
Bland Butts
Ether Boyant Horn
A. Reck
Rena Sweat
Sinus Wilzy

MEN AND WOMEN:
Mrs. Husband
William Sex Pattern

MISCELLANEOUS:
Other Bradshaw
Blueford Corsey
Mr. Richendollar

03.  What happened?

Last December, police in Ransom, Illinois, (population: 409) were looking for a woman who walked away from an automobile crash that left her husband dead.  The only clues were some footprints in the snow and a slipper. Dressed in a red party dress and one slipper, she should not have been that difficult to find.  Perhaps her bright dress in the white snow caught the attention of the pilot of an alien craft and she has been abducted and held for ransom.  I haven't seen any more news about this incident on the Internet.  I hope she was found in time for Christmas.

04.  What happened?

In August of 2009, it was reported that Michael Jackson's artificial nose had disappeared from his body in the morgue.  I'm not sure if that report was true or not.  Michael is supposed to have had a bottle full of fake noses.  I read where his real nose had collapsed after excessive plastic surgeries.  If someone had stolen the nose, it probably will show up years hence as a "holy relic."

05.  Survival equipment.

Transportation officials in one of China's provinces have outfitted buses with large orange bricks attached with long strings.  These are supposed to be used by passengers in  emergency situations, so they can break a window and escape.

06.  Negligence case.

A Chicago woman got drunk and fell through the window of a hair salon.  She later sued the owner because he should have had safety glass installed.. lots of drunks apparently walk by his shop, and he should have been prepared for one of them to fall through.   I wonder if she won her suit.

07.  No global warming?

The huge glacier on Mount Margherita in Uganda has cracked and is now blocking access by mountain climbers to the summit.  The glacier has reportedly ruptured because of excessive melting.  It is one of the very few places near the equator that has ice; the glacier has shrunk by 75% in the recent past and may completely disappear by 2030.

08.  Call my brother: ISHMAEL.  Call me: AHAB.*

Composer Jake Heggie and librettist Gene Scheer have created the opera: Moby-Dick.  It is a three hour creation that I am anxious to see and hear.  There are lots of reviews out on the Internet.. I personally don't want to read any because I feel they might affect my own considerations when I finally see the opera. 

*(If you are a member of the National Puzzlers League, you will recognise me and my brother by these noms.)

09.  We know where you are!

For a long time, I have wondered why my DROID always knows exactly where I am.  Now the word is out. I wonder if Bin Laden has an IPHONE or a DROID?  I guess not.. so, let's send him one.

10.  Baltimore event.

The Wait Wait Don't Tell Me show was taped and broadcast this week at the Meyerhoff Symphony Hall in Baltimore, Maryland. Baltimore's own John Waters, was the celebrity guest. (John's book: Role Models comes out this week in paperback.)

http://www.npr.org/programs/wait-wait-dont-tell-me/


11.  Shazam!

I just realized that there is a big problem now that phone booths have all but disappeared.  Where will Clark Kent change into his Superman suit?  Evildoers are rejoicing everywhere.  (When I was a small kid and owned Superman comic book number one.. I actually wondered what would happen if Clark couldn't find a phone booth that was unoccupied.) I don't think that Captain Marvel needed a phone booth.  Neither did the Green Hornet or Batman.

12.  Are you handy?

A Neurologist from Newton, Massachusetts says that right-handed people are mostly boring and left-handed people are mostly interesting.  I'm ambidextrous.. what about me?  (Don't answer that!)

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The Mad 1960's

With all the excitement about the series MAD MEN and the 1960's decade, I have decided to record some of the items in a scrapbook I created in May 1963. Perhaps it might give you even more insight into that wonderful time to be alive, a half-century ago!

http://www.amctv.com/originals/madmen/about/


01. Murphy's Laws. Although probably listed first in the Scientific American magazine for 4/56, they were talked about extensively in the 1960's..

I. If something can go wrong, it will.
II. When left to themselves, things always go from bad to worse.
III. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

02. Figures: An "electronic computer" was used in Atlanta to come up with the following statistic: The average female figure measures 35-25-35. However, ladies on the West Coast are a wee bit larger.

03. Chewing Gum: An historian found out that chewing gum was being used by the Aztecs when the Spanish landed in the Yucatan. However, it didn't catch on with European types until 350 years later. General Santa Anna of Mexico was a fan and tried to get an example of it taken seriously by the Americans while he was exiled in Staten Island. Discouraged, he left the material when he returned to Mexico. But an enterprizing American named Thomas Adams used it to found a U. S. chewing gum industry.. his product: Adams Chiclets. Shortly thereafter, a guy named William Wrigley, Jr. gave the big push to make chewing gum an important American pastime.

The Germans call chewing gum Kaugummi. I suspect that is because people who chew gum kind of look like cows chewing their cud. Recently, in Ocean City, we were served by a medical doctor at an emergency center who was chewing gum. Somehow, this did not seem professional to me.

04. IBM. The computer giant was really "big" in the early '60's. Times were good for them, especially with Government contracts. Jobs were rather prevalent, in fact, around 1963, headhunters offered me three jobs with IBM. One of which was at their Poughkeepsie "Think Tank" where the employees (gasp!) were allowed to dress for work without a black suit or tie!

In my scrapbook, I have a cartoon by a cartoonist named Richard Taylor who had a distinctive manner of drawing which I tried to copy for years. The cartoon showed an older manager introducing a new employee to the existing black-suited staff of five men. The new recruit looks and is dressed exactly like the current staff. (This is a direct reference to IBM's cookie-cutter created staff.)

http://www.pbase.com/csw62/r_taylor

05. Ben sez: Quote from Ben Franklin: "Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut aft erwards."

06. Flower Mart: The Flower Mart in Mount Vernon Square, Baltimore, Maryland, was big in 1963. That is the first year that I attended. It took place in a circle around Baltimore's Washington Monument, and consisted of craft vendors, food vendors, flower vendors and generally crazy people. Crab cakes were a big hit and were a lot cheaper than they are today. But, the biggest hit of the Mart was the famous "peppermint sticks".. everybody bought them. These are candy peppermint sticks, stuck into lemons.. they are surprizingly refreshing.

http://www.baltimore-maryland.org/flower-mart-photos.html

One thing I noticed about the Flower Mart was that there were very few black people in attendance. Since half of the population of Baltimore at the time was of African-American descent, this seemed strange to me. Apparently there was some racial problem because a few years later, black protests shut the mart down for a few years. I haven't been down to check it out these days, but I haven't heard of any problems with it lately, so I guess everything worked out o.k.

07. Names: Those of you who have read Mencken's American Language, know a bit about American last names. If you haven't read it, you really should; it is a classic.

While I worked at the Social Security Administration, I kept a file of strange names (at least to me). I guess, since I have been retired for a while, it would be o.k. for me to list some of these names that intrigued me while I worked there. I hope noone takes offense.

Rose Pyles
Lucy Kluck
Fanny Paper
Park Bench
Work Bench
Only Teasdale
Ozelia Fontenont
Bunnie Blue
Wrestling Keith
Bonita Purkypile
Dink Pike
Joe Ooom
Parafine Puff
Feather Schwartz
Bren Gunn and Tommy Gunn (father was Pop Gunn)
Freeman A. Mason

When Elaine worked at SSA, she found the name: Pink Valentine.

08. More Ben sez: "A single man resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors."

09. City life: A 1963 study found that 400 snakes of three species were found living in peaceful anonymity on three acres within Chicago's city limits.

10. Car terms: A weekly magazine in 1963 listed some once common automobile terms that were no longer recognized:

SPRAG: A pointed iron rod beneath a car. It's pointed end could be released to dig into the road to prevent cars with poor brakes from rolling backwards down a hill.

TREMBLER: A buzzer-like device attached to the dashboard, which made the ignition sparks.

PILOT: A little gasoline-fed flame which ignited the fire under the boiler of a Stanley Steamer.

http://www.stanleymotorcarriage.com

BANDAGE: Something that you buckled over a punctured tire to allow you to continue.

TILLER: What some people called the wagon-related steering device on early autos...which was thankfully replaced by the steering wheel.

11. Pre-Mensa Poetry:

Pyschologist, with Freudian craft,
Divide the dullards from the daft,
Say who's rigid, who's resilient,
Who's safe and who risks being brilliant.

The thing to be is well-adjusted
(Your reflex actions must be trusted)
That way you'll never be suspected
Of thinking something unexpected.

By Leonard Sharpe

(I'm not sure of the poet's name. Perhaps my brother Joe, who has a gift for solving mysteries, can find out who the poet is.)

12. Final Ben sez:

"There's a time to wink as well as to see."


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Random Thoughts for a Snowy Afternoon in Maryland

I just got back from the Giant Supermarket. It was a madhouse! Everybody in Maryland must buy milk, bread and toilet paper before every storm, even if their larder is already stocked. On the radio, it was reported that people in a Columbia, Maryland market were fighting over bread!

We are supposed to get over a foot of snow. This means that everything will stop in this area. Of course, there will still be young folks out there driving as though it were a sunny Spring day. As a former taxi-driver in New England, I lived through quite a few snow storms of very large proportions (once about 48"). We learned early in our driving careers about how to maneuver in slippery, slushy conditions.

How many people remember when one had to put chains on your tires in order to move in the snow? It took only a couple of big snow storms to learn how to quickly apply those metal life-savers. Of course, they usually broke a few blocks away from your goal and you had to "get out and get under" to get them repaired and ready to use again. Some years ago, snow tires were invented and that did away with chains, except in the more northern climes of the U.S.

Now I have to tell my Baltimore snow stories. If you have heard them from me before, just scroll through to the end.

I left Massachusetts in 1960 to come to work for Social Security in Baltimore. Relatives and friends advised us not to take Winter clothes because Maryland was below the Mason-Dixon line and warm all the time. We made our scantily-clad way to Pulaski Highway and holed up at a truckstop motel made of cinder blocks that were not quite matched up on the ends.

This would not have been a problem if the weather was indeed warm. But, instead, it was below freezing, and the wind was blowing snow through the cracks between the cinder blocks. We had never been so cold in our lives.

But, we stuck it out and borrowed enough clothes from co-workers to allow us to be somewhat warm until I got my first paycheck and we could buy some coats and sweaters.

My first Social Security assignment was to get training at the Standard Oil Building in downtown Baltimore. Some might know that it is situated at the side of a very steep hill. While in training, Baltimore was hit with a 6-inch snow storm during the day, and because there was no snow policy at the time, we were required to stay in our training area all day.

We had a lot of fun though, looking out the window overlooking the steep hill. The year before then had been a year with no snow precipitation at all, so the City of Baltimore sold all of their snow removal equipment and the hill remained very slippery with snow. Cars were having a hard time getting up and down. Some local politician got the bright idea that this condition could be fixed by using the hose unit of a fire comany truck.

The truck pulled up to the top of the hill, hooked a hose to a hydrant, and began to pour water down the snow-covered hill. This worked great in removing the snow.. but it wasn't so great when the water froze. I had never seen so many cars ski down that hill. Most of them made it to the bottom without hitting anything.. but some didn't. It was a great show.

Since the 1960's snow has been a regular visitor to the Baltimore area, but still not enough to allow drivers to learn how to maneuver in it. I taught safe driving to seniors for eight years and learned that it is almost impossible to explain how to drive in snow and ice when you are teaching in a classroom environment. One needs "on the job" experience.

In cities like Montreal, Canada, people adapt quite well to Winter weather. I visited there once in February and there was snow everywhere. People were doing cross-country skiing all over the place. Not many cars were being used at all. Besides skis, people were using the excellent subway system and shopping in Montreal's underground city.

During that Montreal trip, I put on an unplanned exhibition for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, but that will have to be the subject of another blog. Meanwhile, I am going to sit here at my kitchen window and watch the snow fall.

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Annie, Clowns and Santas

Today, we had a great experience. We were treated to the musical "ANNIE" at Toby's Dinner Theater in Columbia, Maryland, by our friend, Jack. He also treated Mitzie, Ken and Bobbi (happy birthday!). The show was a "sellout" and 3/4ths of the attendees appeared to be around 6 years old. (Some of these kids couldn't help themselves and did impromptu soft-shoe and ballet on the stage during the intermission.)

For many years, my late wife and I attended every musical playing at the Cape Cod Melody Tent in Hyannis, Massachusetts. Most of the players there were veterans of Broadway. The Broadway players were great, but no way better than the mostly homegrown players today at Toby's. If you get a chance to see this show... go! I give it 5 stars.

Caitlin Deerin played Annie and did a fine job. Six other kids (orphans) did cartwheels, flips and their lines in a very professional manner. All members of the cast performed professionally. It is always a pleasure to observe people who know what they are doing, and are doing it well.

One member stood out physically and figuratively above all the other great actors. David Bosley-Reynolds played Oliver (Daddy) Warbucks. He WAS Daddy Warbucks. He did not need make-up or elevator shoes to make an impressive, powerful Conservative millionaire.. strike that... billionaire. We had seen Dave playing the devil in another Toby's presentation .. Damn Yankees. (That's the show that almost made a top star of my neighbor and former tap dancing teacher in New Bedford, Massachusetts, Carol Haynie.) I'll bet that Dave could become anything he wanted to be in the real world by using a combination of his devil and money-bags persona.

I guess you can tell that I liked the show.. I even shed a few tears and saw others secretly dabbing with their handkerchiefs. But it wasn't sadness.. this is an uplifting show that can make you leave there feeling pretty good all the rest of the day, singing and whistling the "topper" .. "Tomorrow, Tomorrow!"

I know, I know.. this is an old show and I have seen it somewhere before .. and I did see the movie.. but somehow, this presentation is so much better.. it is MAGIC!

I've mentioned before the "Hey, Joe Vaughan" syndrome. Today it was the "Hey, future Santa Claus!" syndrome. Marty Kurland, who has been an entertainer for years and head of the "clown club" at Social Security, spotted me and Ken at our table that was close to the stage. He thought that Ken and I might be good candidates for his "Santa Claus School". Of course, Ken is not as fat or short as I am, but he has a nice white beard as I do. Marty didn't remember me from Social Security, but I sure remembered him and members of his club. For years, he and his buddies would perform at the many functions that Social Security provided for poor Baltimore kids. I was at the same functions sometimes, representing the Social Security Alumni Association.

Sal, one of his clowns, and a good friend, spent a lot of time at one of the area's hospitals for kids with terminal illnesses. He took a special liking to one of the kids who did not have relatives and spent a lot of time keeping the kid's spirits up. When the child died, it was extremely traumatic for Sal. He was so sad that he decided not to be a clown anymore and possibly have to experience that trauma again.

Oh.. I didn't mention the food at Toby's.. they served a brunch.. breakfast and lunch food. And the salad had something that I love.. anchovies! I read where anchovies have suddenly become very expensive in some cities. So, just in case the price will get out of my price range.. I ate a bunch of anchovies so that I could always remember the taste .. yum yum!

They also served S.O.S. (or perhaps more delicately, chipped beef) that could be put on biscuits. I put mine on French toast instead and went back for seconds. Good stuff...but of course not as good as that which is made by the unshaven, fat and greasy cooks that I had in the Air Force.

What a nice day. Ain't life grand!

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August 21st.. news of the day...ughh!

I searched through the first section of the Baltimore Sun this morning looking for good news, and guess what... even though I found my efforts extremely depressing.. I actually found three items that made me feel a little better.

1. The market went up.

2. Bill Cosby will receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor on October 26th. What a wonderful honor for a great comedian!

3. The Edwardian style ladies' bathroom in the Tremont Grand Hotel (N. Charles St. in downtown Baltimore) has been voted the second-best facility in the America's Best Restroom contest. First place was given to the Shoji Tabuchi men's room in Branson, Missouri. (If you haven't seen this one, guys, you are in for a big pleasant surprize.)

Now for the depressing stuff that I feel I must comment on.

01. The big story: Convicted Lockerbie bomber, Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, was given a hero's welcome in Tripoli. Scottish authorities released him after only 8 years of a life sentence, supposedly because he has terminal cancer.

Some people think that he is innocent, but from what I have read, the evidence was strong that he was the guy responsible for the deaths of 270 people.

I'm sure that the grieving relatives are hoping that he will leave this earth soon and spend an eternity in the heat of hell fire. I know that I would be very upset with the Scots at this point.

02. In a welcome to Charm City (Baltimore), a woman suffered a carjacking and had her puppy taken away. At the moment, the car is still missing, but Jojo, her puppy, has been found and returned to her. She had rolled down her window and was asking for directions. People who live in Baltimore know that you can't roll down your window when driving downtown, because even if you don't get carjacked, you still might get your pocketbook or cell phone ripped off by arms that quickly enter through your open window.

03. Recent judgements:

a. A man who killed his girlfriend's dog because she paid more attention to it than to him, received a 3 year sentence.

b. An 18 year old Ocean City lady was sentenced to probation and a $300. fine for "making a statement" by burning an American flag as she walked down the middle of a road.

c. A man was given 6 months in jail for loudly yawning in court.

d. Nothing will be done to a man carrying an AR-15 assault rifle during an anti-Obama rally in Phoenix, Arizona.

e. Nothing will be done to a man wearing a 9mm pistol strapped to his leg at a town hall meeting in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

04. There is a full-page ad by a major bank for an "introductory rate money market savings" rate of 1.50% for high balances. This rate will last through the end of the year. (WOW! Sign me up!.... Give me a break.. I would rather put my spare money... if I had any.. under my matress.) They must expect big things from this ad because it costs a "bundle" for a full-page ad like that.

05. Suspected Taliban militants fired rockets at polling places in Afghanistan to keep voters away. Earlier, they had threatened to cut off the fingers of voters. What a nice group of people.

06. One of my heroes, David Copperfield, the famous magician, is being sued for sexual assault. Say it ain't so, David! And if you get mad at her, please don't saw her in half.

07. The "Cash for Clunkers" program will end next Monday. Look for a big sales weekend. I hope the dealers get their money soon... so far, 1.9 billion dollars has been requested by them from the program.

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Fortune Telling

Do you believe in fortune tellers? I'm not sure if I do or not. If you have a few minutes, let me tell you some of my experiences .. one of them I think is amazing.

My beloved Aunt Marjorie once worked as a waitress in a tea shop in New Bedford, Massachusetts. Marjorie usually took me to work with her and the shop owner and customers didn't mind because I was such a cute little rascal...!!! (I was 4 years old.)

The shop owner also employed a fortune teller to read the tea leaves left in the cups. One day, the fortune teller told Marjorie that she saw something about me in the dregs of my aunt's tea cup.. she wouldn't tell her what that was and Marjorie was worried. A couple of days later, the teen-aged son of the owner, who was extremely jealous of the attention I was being given at the shop, told Marjorie that he was going to shoot me with his rifle. He warned her that he would kill her too if she told his mother. (I overheard this and was very scared.)

Of course, Marjorie related this to the fortune teller's reluctance to tell her my fortune, so she believed that this kid meant to do me deadly harm. Marjorie did not tell the boy's mother what he had said, but she did quit the job. For a couple of years after that she was very wary when she went out and was overly-protective of me. And then, one day, she got word that the boy had used his rifle to blow his own brains out. I can remember the feeling of relief I felt, as young as I was. Marjorie must have been relieved as well, because when I started Kindergarten, I was allowed to walk the 8 or 9 blocks to school without a chaperone. (At this point, my son should ask: "Was that 5 miles uphill to school and back, during raging blizzards?")

My son's mother was brought up in a French-speaking community in the north end of New Bedford and was also allowed to walk to school alone and play outside without fear. (It was a different time then.) At one time, her mother (my future mother-in-law) enrolled her in piano class. Twice a week, she would go to a local music store for lessons. However, she never learned to play more than a few basic tunes because the teacher didn't speak French and would rather let her sit at the store window with her and watch the gypsies who also had a store across the street.

She found the gypsy fortune tellers very interesting and as soon as she learned English she and a friend would have their fortunes told on a regular basis. This continued for many years. She never told me what the fortune tellers told her. Her mother, who spoke fluent English as well as French, was a life-long customer of the gypsies, and once told me and her daughter what had been recently foretold. See if you think this is amazing... it is perfectly true.

Just before my late wife and my wedding in 1957, my future mother-in-law told my fiance and me what a fortune teller had just told her.

"I see that you will be taking a long trip in the future to visit your daughter and her new baby in Baltimore, Maryland."

When we heard that we laughed and laughed. That fortune teller must be crazy.. Baltimore? We lived in Massachusetts and we knew that somewhere down south there was a place called Baltimore. I had read Mencken's classic American Language books and I knew about his involvement in the Scope's "Monkey Trial", and I knew that he lived in Baltimore. I had also, of course, heard about the famous Johns Hopkins Hospital (after all, Johns Hopkins was born in Massachusetts.) But.. having a baby in Baltimore in the future.. this was laughable.

However... four years later, in October 1961, my mother-in-law did take a trip to visit her daughter and her new baby in Baltimore, Maryland! Now.. isn't that amazing?

Over the years, I have read and studied fortune telling and recognise that there are tricks that "oracles" utilize to make people think that they can foretell the future. I have tried some of those tricks for fun with my friends. Part of the act is paying attention to the little things that people say and convey with body language. Besides, being an empath as I am, is helpful.

Once, at the Social Security Administration, my Branch Chief talked to me about a problem he was happening. We had a lot of weird people "working" in our Branch and he was having trouble relating to them. He had noticed that I seemed to get along well with all of them and he wanted to know the secret. I found him a book titled "People Reading" and I could see him studying it at his desk. (People reading is an art practiced by fortune tellers.)

He did achieve a modicum of success through his efforts and most of his charges shaped up for him. However, one of his test cases could not take the new close chummy scrutiny and one day disappeared. The Branch Chief did not want this to be a failure and kept the guy "on the books" for months, hoping that he would reappear. (Those of you who worked in SSA when I did will know who we are talking about.) The miscreant was spotted once on a New York subway, but ran away when approached.

So, what I am trying to convey is that fortune telling is mostly scam.. when you visit them, you are being "read" by your body language and casual utterances. Some predictions will also be made far into the future, because the fortune teller will have gone on to other venues by that time. Don't be scammed.. save your money. Unless you don't mind and want to have some fun in a drab life. Just be aware that fortune telling is "buncombe" as Mencken would say.

However... how the hell do you explain the Baltimore prediction?!

A great day! My Dell laptop is back and even though Dell said they had to fix four problems, they retained my files and a cd-rom stuck in the drive. Also, the Dow is headed back up to 9,000!

Today I go to get a Shingles shot. Quite expensive, but those of us who had Chicken Pox as kids are susceptible to Shingles as we get older. This is an extremely painful disease. I can still remember my Grandfather suffering with the pain for almost a year. Sometimes the pain can last for the rest of one's life. (One of my friends is suffering from Shingles right now and as an empath I can feel her excrutiating pain whenever I talk to her.) I am the Shingles Shot Guinea Pig.. if I don't have side-effects from the shot, maybe Elaine will get it.

For years I have toyed with the idea of writing a book about some of my experiences. (yes.. I have had some experiences, you disbelievers) At the moment, the plan is to just write about my experiences in the Baltimore area.. from arrival in the city, to entry into Carroll Lutheran Village.. with emphasis on my time at the Social Security Administration. Also, lots of family stuff to help future Vaughan genealogists. It will probably be the most boring book ever written, but what the hell!

In the "Genealogy Gang" that meets in the Village, each of us has made a presentation about their life. We had about 45 minutes to an hour to do so. My time ran to over an hour, and I never did get past the years before I entered the Air Force. So you see, I have a lot to talk about.. now, whether it is interesting or not.. that is another story. If I get another chance to talk to the group, I will cover my time in the service, then my time in Boston, at the University and in the 38 jobs that I held while in school, and then the Baltimore part. (I may have to supply pillows for nodding heads.)

With my laptop back, I once again have access to a Dell home page, which I like because I can set up views of the titles of email from 8 of my email addresses and also have instant access to my MSN account. Now I have a universe of about 900 messages to look at. I do notice that the old "bugaboo" is back... that is, some of my dear and trusted friends and relatives are starting to forward to me erroneous and vicious "garbage" messages. (I thought that this all ended when 2009 started.) I wish that the people who forward this stuff would analyse what the messages say. Is it showing an underlying prejudice against some group or race or type of person? I now do not open forwarded messages unless the title clearly states that it is not "dumb" stuff. I just ask that those who want to forward such dribble, THINK first.

I have a subscription to what is now XM/SERIUS (sp?) and I listen to it when I am driving. Usually I just listen to XM 151 (Laugh USA) which is a "clean joke" station, and as I have said many times before, if you have to stick some scatalogical thought or phrase into your joke to try to get a laugh from a person with an 11 year old mentality, you are not a real comedian. Yesterday, I switched to some of the talk shows and was completely grossed out by some of the lies being spewed by a couple of these guys. Come on! Do you really think that Americans are so dumb as to believe any of this crap? .... But... sadly, as evidenced by the comments of some of the people who called in to CSPAN this morning... some Americans do believe these lies, when just a small amount of checking, even on the Internet, would show them the truth.

Good news for readers. Barnes and Noble has announced that they have 700,000 books that can now be downloaded to iPHONES or iPOD Touch, and next year they will be coming out with an e-reader. Amazon's Kindle has access to only 300,000. Now, if only we could download some of those books directly to our brains so that it will not be necessary to take all that time to read them. ;0)

I have always thought that I would much rather have a nice paper book to hold and read rather than a computer screen to look at. But recently I went out to the site where you can read Moby Dick online. In my library, because I am a cetology cukoo, I have five different editions of Moby Dick, probably one of my favorite reads. I was able to read all of Chapter One again, but on my PC screen and it was wonderful. The print was large and easy on the eyes and I enjoyed traveling back to New Bedford again with my "brother" Ishmael.

Speaking of Ishmael.. my brother Joe and I are email pals again and I am enjoying his stories of youthful activity. He's an interesting guy, if I do say so myself.

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Do you remember Ralph?

How many of you rcall the famous "wits" connected with the Baltimore Sun? Probably the most famous was H.L. Mencken, an amazing critic of almost everything and an amusing and exciting author. But who can remember another "wit" named Ralph Reppert? For years, Ralph wrote humorous columns for the Sunday sun.. they were like some blogs of today, observations on everyday life.

One Sunday, before I'm sure you were born... November 2, 1964 to be exact, I retrieved my Baltimore Sunpaper from the bushes on the side of my house, grabbed my cup of coffee and began to read. The National news was kind of depressing, as usual, and the local news had the following headlines: Three Boys held in Break-in Try; "Surfers" keep Hospitals busy; Campaign ends amid Charges; Baby, three Others hurt in Crash on Route 175; $7,600 Bail set in Assault; Train Crash kills 39; Man reported shot on Dare; Two Pikesville Homes looted; Burglers take $85 at Service Station; etc

As you see, things have not changed very much in 44 years, perhaps just the money amounts.

In spite of the depressing news, I knew that one could always get a chuckle from the column written by Ralph Reppert (probably an alias), so I left the bad stuff and turned to Ralph's "blog".

Ralph wrote about a trip in a cab where the driver asked him the way to go. Ralph felt like saying: "How the devil do I know.. this is your business, not mine!" But being kind of a "Caspar Milktoast" (sp?) he just asked to be let off and got to his destination another way.

When Ralph went to a barber, he was asked how he wanted it cut. Ralph felt like saying: "If I knew how to cut my own hair, I would do it myself!" But instead, he said: "The usual."

Ralph was upset that people you spend money with now make you do all the work. In the old days all a grocery store customer had to do for himself was "color his own margarine".. now, you have to pick out your own groceries, "fish your own pickle out of a barrel", ... and often, the check-out clerk picks up things from your order and asks you: "How much was this, Hon?"

Upset, but true to his nature as a "human marshmallow", Ralph would obediently trot to the shelf, get the price, and trot back to the checkout. Then, he would have to carry his groceries out to his car unassisted (not like the old days.) And then, he would have to push the cart back to the line in front of the store.

Ralph also bemoaned the fact that when you order something now, like a lawnmower or a piece of furniture, you get a box of unassembled pieces.

When Ralph called up a service man, like a plumber or an electrician, they would always ask: "What is the problem?" That's what I want to know, says Ralph.

Ralph also bemoaned the price that service people charge for "knowing what needs fixing." (Like in the old story: A service man comes out to fix a furnace, hits the furnace with a hammer and hands the owner a bill for $505. The owner asks why it costs so much just to hit a furnace with a hammer, and the service man says: "It costs $5 for the hit, and $500 for knowing where to hit.")

Ralph also: counted his own shirts at the laundry, located his own books in the library, carried his own cans of paint in the hardware store, dialed his own long-distance telephone calls, etc.

The last straw for Ralph was when he bought a parakeet and waited for it to speak. After two weeks he called the pet store and they told him that HE had to teach the bird how to talk.

Young people may wonder why we old-timers thought Ralph's musings were humorous, but those of us who had lived in both worlds knew Ralph's feelings, and identified with them. When we were young, service people provided "service", suddenly, we had to do a lot of this "service" for ourselves. We found that very frustrating, and needed to laugh at it all to keep sane.

I wonder whatever happened to old Ralph.

Opera's Demise in Baltimore

It's a sad time for opera lovers in Baltimore. Grand Opera at the Lyric has gone away. Everything belonging to the Baltimore Opera Company is being auctioned off. There is a report about the situation by Tim Smith in the Baltimore Sun today. Even though Tim mentions some activity that is going to allow for some opera performances in the future, it still is a very sad situation.

For some years, my son and I were patrons and attended many operas at the Lyric. We usually attended on Sundays and were happy to get to learn about the operas in the preceding lectures by prominent opera experts. We also always opted for the best seats in the house. It seemed a lot nicer to sit in separated upholstered seats, and we always were able to sit in the front of the box, until one of the season ticket sellers made a mistake and we had to sit in the back of the box. This was o.k. to a point.. there were a couple of drawbacks.. first, we could not see the sur-titles... second, squirming people in front of the box were a distraction. It just did not feel as elegant and special. (Yes, I did complain, but it didn't make a difference.. after that we always got the back of the box.) But, aside from that, the productions were marvelous and very well done, even if sometimes, the lack of sur-titles caused a language barrier. (There are a few operas where sur-titles are a great help, in my opinion.)

The Baltimore Opera combined so many things: beautiful instrumental music, beautiful individual vocal music, beautiful choral music, marvelously developed sets, wonderful acting, sometimes ballet, colorful costumes, etc etc. Although needing an overhaul, the Lyric was a great place to enjoy an opera.

My son and I also belonged to the Baltimore Opera Guild and we attended many of their luncheons where opera luminaries gave samples of their vocal skill. At these functions, many of the dowager patrons would cast a friendly eye on my handsome son. Once a year, we would attend a free wine and cheese function where my son and I were offered the chance to become officers in the organization. Because of our other committments, we had to decline. But it probably would have been a great experience to get to know the opera folks better. We also toyed with the idea of becoming extras. We met some of them on a night when we got to tour backstage at the Lyric. What a world it is, back there where the audience can't see all the marvels that are taking place to make magic on the stage!

Tim Smith mentions other opera opportunities for Baltimore:

The Washington National Opera to perform at the Lyric.
The Baltimore Opera Theater will debut at the Hippodrome and the Meyerhoff.
The Baltimore Concert Opera will perform at the elegant Engineerss Club.
Opera Vivente will present at Emmanuel Episcopal Church.
At the Theatre Project, American Opera Theater will perform.
The Peabody Opera Theatre will perform.

But.. as Tim laments.. there is no longer Grand Opera in Baltimore.. and this is sad!

AMTRAK in the Year 2009

For several years I was a member of NARP (National Association of Railroad Passengers) which is an organization devoted to improving train travel throughout the U.S. I quit my membership a couple of years ago when I decided that it wasn't lobbying harder for more rail lines. Travel to the big cities in Canada and see how massive their systems are.

Anyway, I still love to travel by train. When I was stationed in Europe for close to four years, I traveled extensively by train until I won enough money in blackjack to buy a little green jeep (that's a subject for another blog.) I always traveled 2nd class (they had three classes then). First class was too expensive for me, and in 3rd class, you had to sometimes share your seat with goats and pigs and people who ate lots and lots of garlic. (Many people had beautiful leather briefcases.... filled with their lunches of sausages, bread and wine.)

I often took the Orient Express to Cologne (Koeln) and it was always a fun time. With people playing guitars, sharing wine, singing and telling jokes. Whenever I couldn't get the Orient Express Eilzug, I would get stuck on a langsam Zug and have to spend the night in Gerolstein. (Yes, there is music relating to this town.) I always stayed at a Pension that had wonderful feather beds. If you have never slept on a feather bed, you are in for a great treat someday. I highly recommend it. Anyway, I wish that travel on U.S. trains were as much fun.

A few years ago, when I had to travel by rail to Providence, I upgraded my coach fair to business class. It was amazing! The seats were separate from each other, there was lots and lots of room to stretch out, the chairs reclined almost to beds, an attendant brought a free newspaper, another attendant brought a free beer and snacks, another attendant offered to shine my shoes....I thought that I had died and gone to train rider's heaven.

I had upgraded because of something Arthur Godfrey (you remember "the old redhead") used to say: "Pay a little extra and go first class!" I heard him say that in 1958, so it didn't help me earlier in Europe. But I am glad that I followed his advice on that trip.

So, on my recent trip to Providence on AMTRAK in March of 2009, I once again upgraded from coach to business class.. there was no higher class on this train. I expected great things and was a little disappointed to find that the seats were 2x2 and looked to me like coach seats. I later confirmed that this was true. The seats in coach were exactly the same, as far as I could see. Business class had pull down tables, so did coach; business class had electrical outlets, so did coach; business class had blue reclining seats, so did coach. What did business class have that warranted the extra charge?

A complimentary 8 ounce ginger ale (but only on the return trip).

However, there was one big plus for business class: it was not crowded and I did not have to share my seat with anyone.

There was a long walk to the snack bar and one of the coach cars was the "silent car". In that car, people were discouraged from making loud conversation or talking on cell phones. That seemed like a good innovation. Even though I was in business class (or because of it) I was subjected to a DC couple loudly rehearsing how they were going to convince Congress that they needed to give that lucrative contract to their company.

The price of snacks on the train was a bit high, but expected. Snacks in the Providence train station were priced reasonably.. but in the Baltimore station..... unbelievably high and outrageous.

While getting a coffee in Providence, a lady in a parka kept looking at me and smiling. Finally, she got up enough courage to ask me if I was in the movies. (!) I told her that I had been in a few local videos, but definitely not big time stuff. (Elaine is the movie star, not me.) I asked her if she thought I was Wilfred Brimley... you know, the fat old guy with a walrus mustache. No, she said she was thinking of somebody else. She was a singer from Portland, Maine and we had a nice talk about Barber Shop Quartets and the Sweet Adelines, of which she was a member.

Normally, when I have encounters like this, I offer the person a membership in the Joe Vaughan Fan Club. I should have done so.. she would have been my only Maine member.

Back in Baltimore, I observed a "sign of the times": the man who runs the shoeshine stand in the Pennsylvania Station had a laptop nearby, and he was networking on Facebook as he waited for customers.