I went to my doctor last Thursday, and he said that I looked so good that I probably would live to be 70. I told him: "I'm already there." He replied: "See, I told you so."
Sorry, I made that up, but this was my skin doctor and he told me I didn't need to come back to see him for a whole year. Good news.
I had asked him about the white things growing on my arms and hands. They look like barnacles. (Remember the old song: "I'm Barnacle Bill, the sailor"?) He assured me that I was not turning into a humpback whale. He said that eventually everybody gets them, usually around the age of 60. See what you have to look forward to.
Enough about me, let's go on to more interesting things, I hope.
01. Mr. Mind? SHAZAM!: This week, Elaine and I came face to face with the dreaded tomato horn-worm. (Actually five of them.) These are large green caterpillars with thin white stripes and horns. They are very hard to see because they are the same color as the foliage they love to eat. They are voracious eaters. You can tell where they are by looking for devastated areas on your plants. If you don't get rid of them, they will completely devour your tomato plants.
We couldn't figure out how these worms could get to our plants, which are 15 feet off the ground on our deck. We later learned that they are propagated by a generous moth that lands on your plants and lays eggs which later turn into the worms.
The worms grow big and strong very quickly and sometimes get to be 6 inches long and very plump. At some point, they feel that their tummies are full enough for them to quit being a worm and weave themselves into cocoons and go to sleep until they wake as giant colorful moths, some as big as humming birds. Then the cycle continues.
To break the cycle, you must rid yourself of these worms when you find them. I threw some down a toilet and it got clogged up, so I don't recommend that. I put some through the disposal. That worked ok, but I then felt like a murderer. Finally, I followed some advice and cut them in half with a knife... yes, I didn't like doing it, but what was the alternative?
There is one humane way to handle them. A certain type of wasp climbs on the backs of these worms and deposits hundreds of eggs which become larvae that feeds on the worm. After a short time, these parasites kill the worm. So, if your tomato horm worm shows white things on its back, it will be going to worm heaven shortly and you can leave it alone.
http://organicgardensite.com/bugs-harmful/tomato-horn-worms/
02. The ultimate solution? I heard on the radio yesterday that a Southern Christian church is scheduling a "Koran Burning Day." Will they soon be recommending the rounding up of all Moslems for concentration camps?
03. Carat juice: Years ago, aristocrats liked to drink liquid gold; they thought that it was helpful. It probably killed them. Recently, gold residue has been found in dug-up ancient remains. You rich folks, don't try it.
Recently, one of my organizations that publishes a book with a gold-lettered title on the cover, received a bill for hundreds of dollars, just for the gold-lettering. When we opted for a silver-lettered title, the price went down considerably.
04. HUH? The Baltimore Sun reports that 15% of teens are going deaf because of the music coming through their ear buds. Music? I'm sorry, but the sounds that appeal to some of our teen-agers would make my poor old ears cry "Uncle!" But then, I am an old dude who would rather listen to Mozart... once in a while I like to hear works by Gustav Mahler which could be considered by some classical musical buffs to be a little loud at times. (By the way, give yourself a treat, teen-agers, plug into Mahler's Lied von der Erde.. both the music and the lyrics/poems.. I think you would like it.)
http://www.mahlerarchives.net/DLvDE/DLvDE.htm
05. Writer's idea: Walk through a cemetery and find an interesting tombstone. Do some research on that person.. who they were.. who their ancestors were. Then, armed with those facts, build a story around them, perhaps change their names and write the story for publication.
I have always wanted to do this. In Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, near my family's gravesites, there are tombstones for the Snow family. The family intrigues me. There is a Captain Snow, with a carving of his ship on the stone. There are lots of other Snow's nearby, including one person named Ivory Snow. These were all people who lived in the 18th and 19th centuries and probably many of them were whalers out of New Bedford. I'll bet there are interesting stories there ...and I would like to get them down on paper someday when I have time. (Space here for an emoticon representing someone laughing their head off.)
I wonder if Captain Snow is the same guy whose house is now an inn on Cape Cod?
http://www.stonelioncapecod.com/inn.html
06. Even the rich have to: I just learned that Hetty Green, New Bedford born richest woman in the world at one time, was not quite the mean person she was made out to be. I'll talk more about her and a biography of her life in a later blog entry. For now, I want to mention something I think I heard on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me: her son, called Colonel Green, owned a diamond-encrusted chamber pot. Speaking of things scatalogic, his mother had an automobile that contained a working toilet. The car is now on display at an automobile museum in Princeton, Massachusetts.
07. Up, Up and Away: The Baltimore Sun mentions a theater in Lansdowne, Pennsylvania, that shows old ugly movies. The audience is encouraged to boo, hiss and heckle. Sounds like a lot of fun. One of the old movies being shown is Gamera.. about a kind of ugly monster that flies through the air by farting fire.
http://godzilla.wikia.com/wiki/Gamera
08. Another writer's idea: Take a deceased person and develop a facebook style story with them and others of the same time frame. In other words, for instance, set up Thomas Jefferson on a dummy Facebook, with "friends" like John Adams, George Washington, etc. Plug in entries.. about events in their lives.. with pictures of oil paintings as "photo" spots.. but not like Twitter entries, although that might be worked out.
09. Girls night out: I read somewhere that people in Bogota, Colombia observed a "night without men".. and reported that crime for that night was down by 25%.
10. Exciting stuff: Folks can now canoe or kayak over the 18 foot high Ohiopyle Falls on Pennsylvania's Youghiogheny River. When I worked at the Social Security Administration in Baltimore, trips down the Youghiogheny River were fairly common. However, I can't imagine how any of these folks, in their reportedly drunken condition, could have made it over a waterfall without leaving this world.
http://www.fay-west.com/ohiopyle/
11. Fish in disguise? Inside my facial cheeks, I have what seem to be vestigial gills. Nobody else I know has them. They never have helped me get oxygen through my cheeks and "what can be the use of them is more than I can see".. they do get kind of chewed up sometimes... haven't you ever bit the inside of your cheek? Can anybody out there.. and believe it or not, there are a few people out there .. help me in this regard? But please don't get me embroiled in the anti-evolution argument.
12. A Teenage Hero: In item 07 above, I mention that there is a theater where lousy movies are shown. One of those mentioned is Hercules, starring Steve Reeves. The movie came out in 1958, just after Steve had achieved a body-building status unmatched until "Big Arnie" appeared on the scene.
I was heavy into weight-lifting and body-building in the 1950's, 1960's and 1970's, and Steve was one of my "heroes". This was a guy that I could never look like.. he was about 7 feet tall, with massive, but well-formed muscles from his little toe to the top of his hairdo. He was "a man's man" who did not use steroids and liked women... who went crazy over him.
Unfortunately, he was not a very good actor. I believe he did a lot of Italian movies where his voice was dubbed in a perfect Roman accent.
At one time, I had a 5 minute movie of Steve flexing his muscles. I had that movie mixed in with other 8 mm movie film of family events. One of my co-workers combined all of these films into a long reel.. however, Steve's movie didn't get edited out.. so, as you looked at the family at Christmas in 1966, this was immediately followed by Steve flexing, followed immediately by the family in Easter 1967. Interesting.
http://www.stevereeves.com/
.............................................................................................................
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Another Hot Week
Even though this was another hot and muggy week, with violent thunder storms, it was a "cool" week for the Social Security Alumni Association in Maryland.
A nice group met at Bullock's Rt 32 for the Carroll County Social Security Alumni Chapter on Monday.
A larger than usual group met at the Windsor Inn for the Baltimore Chapter on Tuesday.
On Thursday, I represented the Social Security Alumni Association as its President for the opening of the Social Security Museum and the festivities for the 75th Anniversary of the Social Security Act. I'll be writing about this in my SSAA Blog.
Meanwhile, let me mention a few "interesting" things that I heard or read about recently.
01. By the book: Efficient New York City traffic workers would not allow a King Tut's tomb artifact, namely, an ancient vehicle, to enter the city.. because.. it did not have a "vehicle identification number."
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyid=128973450
02. A lot to learn: Researchers say that we have 250,000 known species and another 1,000,000 unknown species in the world's oceans. (Not counting the one billion unknown bacteria species.) The richest areas to look for these unknown non-bacteria species are thought to be around Australia and Japan, and many species probably live in mud or on reefs.
A recently found "unknown" is called a "Dragon Fish" which has teeth on it's tongue.
03. That little squirt! A 28 year old Maryland resident has finally been caught after squirting sperm on several persons in Gaithersburg grocery stores and malls. Maybe he thinks he's an unknown species of fish.
04. Methuselah? A global warming expert stated this week: "...a rate of (animal) extinction that we haven't seen for millions and millions of years." Does he have a Hubble-type telescope with very close resolution?
05. Another opportunity for short people. The French Gendarmerie (police) have started to hire people under 5'3". Was this a change because they wanted to hire more females.. although in the US, females seem to be usually taller than that these days. Or, maybe it is another boon to short people that has been pushed by Sarkozy?
I've mentioned before.. researchers have determined that Napoleon might have been 5'6"... the same height of Stalin, Hitler and Mussolini.
By the way, new documents have been found in Scotland that indicate in 1919 a Scotsman saved a young Hitler from being stomped to death by a mob. !
06. Sarah quote: I hadn't heard about this one until I read it this week. "When are they going to ramp up drilling?" Did she really say that? Was it before the BP spill?
07. Mad man? The advertising guy who gave us "Don't squeeze the Charmin" is now pushing for "Meatless Mondays". He feels that it will be a healthful move for our obese society. I believe he has already gotten Johns Hopkins University interested in the concept, and some Baltimore schools are removing meat from their menus for Mondays.
http://www.meatlessmonday.com/
08. Brains. Someone showed me an article from 2008 that mentioned that two pygmy sperm whales got caught up in a low water pool in New Zealand and couldn't figure out how to get out of it... before they could become beached, a local bottlenose dolphin, named Moko, found a deep water part of the pool and guided the whales through it and out into deep water.
09. Scandinavian criminals? JAMA, the journal of the American Medical Association has an article about common sense sunbathing that tries to show that blonds and people from northern countries with minimal sun may develop criminal tendencies when they move to high sun areas. Since I am not an MD, I may have misread the article.
10. Self-mutilation: Some of you may have seen a picture of Elaine Davidson who is reputed to be "the most pierced woman in Scotland"... and from the looks of it, probably the world. Check it out.
http://www.elainedavidson.co.uk/
11. Seinfeld? A piece of the Peterman Glacier broke off this week. It is four times the size of Manhattan. Doesn't that add any credence to the Global Warming theory? How many ice cubes would that make? Perhaps one of the Arab leaders could get it towed to their land.. wasn't that done once before? Or did I read that in a story by Mark Twain?
http://open.salon.com/blog/rick_spilman/2010/08/07/huge_ice_island_calves_from_greenlands_peterman_glacier
12. Not Here! The Museum of Tolerance has stated that they do not want the Ground Zero mosque to be built.
...............................................................................................................................
A nice group met at Bullock's Rt 32 for the Carroll County Social Security Alumni Chapter on Monday.
A larger than usual group met at the Windsor Inn for the Baltimore Chapter on Tuesday.
On Thursday, I represented the Social Security Alumni Association as its President for the opening of the Social Security Museum and the festivities for the 75th Anniversary of the Social Security Act. I'll be writing about this in my SSAA Blog.
Meanwhile, let me mention a few "interesting" things that I heard or read about recently.
01. By the book: Efficient New York City traffic workers would not allow a King Tut's tomb artifact, namely, an ancient vehicle, to enter the city.. because.. it did not have a "vehicle identification number."
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyid=128973450
02. A lot to learn: Researchers say that we have 250,000 known species and another 1,000,000 unknown species in the world's oceans. (Not counting the one billion unknown bacteria species.) The richest areas to look for these unknown non-bacteria species are thought to be around Australia and Japan, and many species probably live in mud or on reefs.
A recently found "unknown" is called a "Dragon Fish" which has teeth on it's tongue.
03. That little squirt! A 28 year old Maryland resident has finally been caught after squirting sperm on several persons in Gaithersburg grocery stores and malls. Maybe he thinks he's an unknown species of fish.
04. Methuselah? A global warming expert stated this week: "...a rate of (animal) extinction that we haven't seen for millions and millions of years." Does he have a Hubble-type telescope with very close resolution?
05. Another opportunity for short people. The French Gendarmerie (police) have started to hire people under 5'3". Was this a change because they wanted to hire more females.. although in the US, females seem to be usually taller than that these days. Or, maybe it is another boon to short people that has been pushed by Sarkozy?
I've mentioned before.. researchers have determined that Napoleon might have been 5'6"... the same height of Stalin, Hitler and Mussolini.
By the way, new documents have been found in Scotland that indicate in 1919 a Scotsman saved a young Hitler from being stomped to death by a mob. !
06. Sarah quote: I hadn't heard about this one until I read it this week. "When are they going to ramp up drilling?" Did she really say that? Was it before the BP spill?
07. Mad man? The advertising guy who gave us "Don't squeeze the Charmin" is now pushing for "Meatless Mondays". He feels that it will be a healthful move for our obese society. I believe he has already gotten Johns Hopkins University interested in the concept, and some Baltimore schools are removing meat from their menus for Mondays.
http://www.meatlessmonday.com/
08. Brains. Someone showed me an article from 2008 that mentioned that two pygmy sperm whales got caught up in a low water pool in New Zealand and couldn't figure out how to get out of it... before they could become beached, a local bottlenose dolphin, named Moko, found a deep water part of the pool and guided the whales through it and out into deep water.
09. Scandinavian criminals? JAMA, the journal of the American Medical Association has an article about common sense sunbathing that tries to show that blonds and people from northern countries with minimal sun may develop criminal tendencies when they move to high sun areas. Since I am not an MD, I may have misread the article.
10. Self-mutilation: Some of you may have seen a picture of Elaine Davidson who is reputed to be "the most pierced woman in Scotland"... and from the looks of it, probably the world. Check it out.
http://www.elainedavidson.co.uk/
11. Seinfeld? A piece of the Peterman Glacier broke off this week. It is four times the size of Manhattan. Doesn't that add any credence to the Global Warming theory? How many ice cubes would that make? Perhaps one of the Arab leaders could get it towed to their land.. wasn't that done once before? Or did I read that in a story by Mark Twain?
http://open.salon.com/blog/rick_spilman/2010/08/07/huge_ice_island_calves_from_greenlands_peterman_glacier
12. Not Here! The Museum of Tolerance has stated that they do not want the Ground Zero mosque to be built.
...............................................................................................................................
Saturday, August 07, 2010
From billionaires to shopping bags.
Here are some more things that you may or may not be thinking about.
01. Brain alarms: Many years ago, I realized that I could set my own brain alarm clock. If I told myself at bed time that I needed to get up at 6 am, I woke up at 6 am. If I told myself that I needed to get up at 8:55 am, that was when I would wake up. I did not need an alarm clock. I still can do that even at this advanced age; however, I don't trust myself like I did, and I do use an alarm clock.
Thinking about that, long ago I decided to find out if I could set a mental alarm for the future, not just for the next morning. So, as an experiment, on vacations, as I drove, I would set my mental alarm for 5, 10, 20, or more years in the future.. at which time I wanted me to see what I was seeing through the car window at the time I was setting my alarm. I did that a lot, and lived to regret it.
For years, as I was engaged in some activity, I would suddenly get a flash picture in my brain of a place we were driving through.. years ago. At first, I didn't realize what was happening.. when I did.. it amazed me, and I've always wondered if other people had the same experience. So far, nobody has owned up to it and I guess I am the only weird person around.
02. Watch out, bag people! Now we learn that reusable shopping bags may have bad bacteria. It makes sense, but who would have thought it? I have a wonderful bag that I bought in South Carolina. It is excellently made to handle the heaviest load that I can handle, reinforced in a southern textile mill with strong threads. It probably will never wear out. However, now I have to think about all the things that I have carried in it over the years... milk jugs, vegetables, meat, sloppy soup, fruit, candy, etc. The bacteria must have been there through many generations. I really hate to wash it out and weaken it, but I guess I will have to.
03. Is this real? Another Chinese man has gone into a Kindergarten class and slashed the children. This is the 7th time this has happened since last March. What is going on in that country?I thought that we had the monopoly on nut cases, apparently not.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/china/7925666/three-children-killed-in-attack-on-chinese-kindergarten.html
04. Fight fire with fire? In Holland, alcoholics are being treated with beer. A half litre every little while keeps the patients happy with a slight buzz so that they can get the attention that they need.. instead of being bombed out of their minds all the time and therefore, basket cases. Damn clever, these Dutch.
http://hello.news352.lu/edito-59772-dutch-clinic-cures-alcoholics-with-beer.html
05. Mine's bigger than yours! France's Nicolas Sarkozy is getting a new plane. And.. it has a wingspan 2 feet longer than Air Force One! (Air-Sarko-One) Yah yah yah yah yah yah!
http://luxist.com/2010/08/01/nicolas-sarkozys-new-presidential-plane-gets-a-test-flight
06. What a nerve! A Florida burgler who had broken into a van, was caught and sat on by the owner and two friends while they waited for the police. Now, that burgler is suing the owner of the van for damages, because he sustained a permanent disability when those guys sat on him.
07. The U.S. crack case. A New York judge dismissed a case against a young guy for wearing his baggy pants low enough to show his underwear. ( I had mixed this case up with one in the U.K.) All Americans have the right to dress the way they want to dress.. right?
08. Watchit! If you get an email saying that you are suffering under a virus and need to purchase special anti-virus protection, be careful. That message may be "scareware"... and if you buy some phony anti-virus software, you may be getting "scamware." (Once, there was only "hardware" and "software."
http://news.cnet.com/8301-19518_3-10466253-238.html
09. Respect. At an Allentown, PA church carnival, a target on one of the games was what appeared to be a figure of President Obama. Although the owner said: "It wasn't meant to be him".. the figure wore a belt buckle with the Presidential seal and held a scroll labeled "Health Bill." How long will this country allow people to be disrespectable to the President of the United States? Regardless of how you feel about what he is doing in office, he is the President of the United States. Why would anyone want him to fail at what he is doing? And why should he be the object of ridicule by sub-cretans?
http://wvgazette.com/rssfeeds//201008040699
10. Freedom of Speech? Somewhat similar to #09 above, the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration offices have been visited by persons who block the entrances and display tables with pictures of the President shown as Hitler. (!) always wonder why people like this waste their time and bother honest people in a cause that can never be fulfilled. At the Westminster MVA, the demonstrators took time to call people "Jerks".. surely that should have gotten them evicted.
If I had the time, and the inclination, I would have taken pictures of these guys at the Westminster MVA and had the pictures blown up to place on a table across from them. I would have had dunce caps shown on their heads. Would I have been able to do that?
http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/news/traffic/2009/08/obama_as_hitler_at_mva_its_leg.html
11. Money. A lot of billionaires have pledged to give away half of their wealth to charity. They have been encouraged in this respect by fellow billionaires, Warren Buffet and Bill Gates. Great idea!
(Tevya asked God to make him a rich man.. what do most people think is "rich"? Being worth a million dollars? .. I am rich.. but not necessarily with money.. but with the love of family and friends. Although, like Tevya, would it hurt if I had a little bit of money?)
http://www.thegivingpledge.org/
12. The other "bread". Good news. Whole grain bread is selling better than plain white refined bread. In the past twenty years or so, it has amazed me to see people buy tasteless white bread, when they could have nice healthful tasty whole wheat or whole grain bread at close to the same price. I'm glad that the message about healthful bread is finally getting through to folks.
............................................................................................
01. Brain alarms: Many years ago, I realized that I could set my own brain alarm clock. If I told myself at bed time that I needed to get up at 6 am, I woke up at 6 am. If I told myself that I needed to get up at 8:55 am, that was when I would wake up. I did not need an alarm clock. I still can do that even at this advanced age; however, I don't trust myself like I did, and I do use an alarm clock.
Thinking about that, long ago I decided to find out if I could set a mental alarm for the future, not just for the next morning. So, as an experiment, on vacations, as I drove, I would set my mental alarm for 5, 10, 20, or more years in the future.. at which time I wanted me to see what I was seeing through the car window at the time I was setting my alarm. I did that a lot, and lived to regret it.
For years, as I was engaged in some activity, I would suddenly get a flash picture in my brain of a place we were driving through.. years ago. At first, I didn't realize what was happening.. when I did.. it amazed me, and I've always wondered if other people had the same experience. So far, nobody has owned up to it and I guess I am the only weird person around.
02. Watch out, bag people! Now we learn that reusable shopping bags may have bad bacteria. It makes sense, but who would have thought it? I have a wonderful bag that I bought in South Carolina. It is excellently made to handle the heaviest load that I can handle, reinforced in a southern textile mill with strong threads. It probably will never wear out. However, now I have to think about all the things that I have carried in it over the years... milk jugs, vegetables, meat, sloppy soup, fruit, candy, etc. The bacteria must have been there through many generations. I really hate to wash it out and weaken it, but I guess I will have to.
03. Is this real? Another Chinese man has gone into a Kindergarten class and slashed the children. This is the 7th time this has happened since last March. What is going on in that country?I thought that we had the monopoly on nut cases, apparently not.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/china/7925666/three-children-killed-in-attack-on-chinese-kindergarten.html
04. Fight fire with fire? In Holland, alcoholics are being treated with beer. A half litre every little while keeps the patients happy with a slight buzz so that they can get the attention that they need.. instead of being bombed out of their minds all the time and therefore, basket cases. Damn clever, these Dutch.
http://hello.news352.lu/edito-59772-dutch-clinic-cures-alcoholics-with-beer.html
05. Mine's bigger than yours! France's Nicolas Sarkozy is getting a new plane. And.. it has a wingspan 2 feet longer than Air Force One! (Air-Sarko-One) Yah yah yah yah yah yah!
http://luxist.com/2010/08/01/nicolas-sarkozys-new-presidential-plane-gets-a-test-flight
06. What a nerve! A Florida burgler who had broken into a van, was caught and sat on by the owner and two friends while they waited for the police. Now, that burgler is suing the owner of the van for damages, because he sustained a permanent disability when those guys sat on him.
07. The U.S. crack case. A New York judge dismissed a case against a young guy for wearing his baggy pants low enough to show his underwear. ( I had mixed this case up with one in the U.K.) All Americans have the right to dress the way they want to dress.. right?
08. Watchit! If you get an email saying that you are suffering under a virus and need to purchase special anti-virus protection, be careful. That message may be "scareware"... and if you buy some phony anti-virus software, you may be getting "scamware." (Once, there was only "hardware" and "software."
http://news.cnet.com/8301-19518_3-10466253-238.html
09. Respect. At an Allentown, PA church carnival, a target on one of the games was what appeared to be a figure of President Obama. Although the owner said: "It wasn't meant to be him".. the figure wore a belt buckle with the Presidential seal and held a scroll labeled "Health Bill." How long will this country allow people to be disrespectable to the President of the United States? Regardless of how you feel about what he is doing in office, he is the President of the United States. Why would anyone want him to fail at what he is doing? And why should he be the object of ridicule by sub-cretans?
http://wvgazette.com/rssfeeds//201008040699
10. Freedom of Speech? Somewhat similar to #09 above, the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration offices have been visited by persons who block the entrances and display tables with pictures of the President shown as Hitler. (!) always wonder why people like this waste their time and bother honest people in a cause that can never be fulfilled. At the Westminster MVA, the demonstrators took time to call people "Jerks".. surely that should have gotten them evicted.
If I had the time, and the inclination, I would have taken pictures of these guys at the Westminster MVA and had the pictures blown up to place on a table across from them. I would have had dunce caps shown on their heads. Would I have been able to do that?
http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/news/traffic/2009/08/obama_as_hitler_at_mva_its_leg.html
11. Money. A lot of billionaires have pledged to give away half of their wealth to charity. They have been encouraged in this respect by fellow billionaires, Warren Buffet and Bill Gates. Great idea!
(Tevya asked God to make him a rich man.. what do most people think is "rich"? Being worth a million dollars? .. I am rich.. but not necessarily with money.. but with the love of family and friends. Although, like Tevya, would it hurt if I had a little bit of money?)
http://www.thegivingpledge.org/
12. The other "bread". Good news. Whole grain bread is selling better than plain white refined bread. In the past twenty years or so, it has amazed me to see people buy tasteless white bread, when they could have nice healthful tasty whole wheat or whole grain bread at close to the same price. I'm glad that the message about healthful bread is finally getting through to folks.
............................................................................................
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Amazing Dozen
Since I won't be attending Chelsea Clinton's wedding, I should have time to write my weekly blog entry. I was disappointed that President Obama was not invited, so I decided not to go, even though I had looked forward to seeing those $15,000 Port-A-Potties.
http://refinery29.com/chelsea-clinton-wedding-budget.php
01. Who are you looking at! I went on a tour of NASA's Goddard Space Center with my Men's Club on Friday. Amazing place. I was mainly interested in the Hubble space telescope and it's remarkable pictures which were posted over all the walls.
I probably should have known this, but I didn't. The Hubble will be replaced around 2014 by the JWST (James Webb Space Telescope).
http://www.jwst.nasa.gov/about.html
Hubble takes picture of the universe as it was over 13 billion years ago and is an orbit 350 miles above the earth. JWST will be in orbit one million miles above the earth (4 times as far as the moon) and will take pictures older than Hubble's, if that's possible. . Some of the comments of my fellow men's club members:
"Will they be looking over the edge of the universe.. like Columbus?"
"Suppose they take a picture of a big eye?"
"This whole thing doesn't make sense. Don't they read the Bible?"
I just hope that I can make it to 2014.. for the launch, and then through however long it takes to transmit pictures back to earth from a million miles up.
My great grandson, Cameron, should see a lot of interesting space pictures during his lifetime, if crazy people don't blow us up soon and make us just another burned out rock on the screen of some alien's space telescope.
02. This cracks me up. A Court ruling says that a man lowering his pants and showing underwear is protected by the first amendment and can't be prohibited .. huh? This comes under "freedom of speech?"
(It may be that I have mixed this up with an English ruling a few months ago. I thought it was an American case. Instead of "first amendment".. such a prohibition would instead violate "young {British} men's human rights.")
03. Gives new meaning to "giving one the finger." The petrified middle finger of Galileo is on display in Florence, near the Uffizi Gallery, at the Museo Galileo: Instituto e Museo di Storia della Scienza.
http://www2.jpl.nasa.gov/galileo/finger.html
04. No money-pit? The Carroll County Times (Maryland) reports that Baltimore has recommended no-cost spaying and neutering programs for "Pit Bills".
(Reminds me of President Harding. Some have said that the President rented a row-house in DC, where a deep pit was built so that people wanting favors from his Administration could toss their contributions without fear of disclosure.)
http://www.infoplease.com/biography/var/warrenharding.html
05. Round-up? Some 99 cents stores in the U.S. have changed their prices to $ 0.9999 cents, which I'm told causes the register to record it as $1.00. This, of course, allows them to make one penny on each sale.. and this equates to lots of profit on millions of sales.
(At one point, the Government decided to "round down" the amounts in Social Security checks.. imagine how much money that has made for the Government. I hope it went into the Social Security Trust Fund......)
06. The Great Bell, California uprising of 2010. As I reported in my last entry, city officials in Bell, California were making astronomical wages. Well, as soon as the people in that city learned about these wages (no, not from my blog), they erupted in anger and the officials involved have had to resign. The question is: how did it get to this point? Doesn't the city have open meetings where things like officials' salaries are discussed? Guess not.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100723/ap_on_re_us/us_bell_salaries
07. Birth control? Scientists have discovered that there is a gene found in all creatures in the line from fish to man that controls the generation of sperm. This is called the Boule Gene. Would controling that gene be an acceptable method of birth control? Probably not.
http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/news/article/3356
08. Hot lawyers? Once, when Abraham Lincoln was staying at a tavern on a very cold night, he noticed that there were a lot of other attorneys hugging the pot-bellied stove. As Lincoln neared the fire, the host addressed him: "Pretty cold tonight."
Lincoln replied: "Colder than hell."
One of the lawyers turned to Abe and said: "You've been there too, have you, Mr. Lincoln?"
Lincoln replied: "Yes, and the funny thing is that it's much like it is here.. all lawyers are nearest the fire."
http://www.rickwalton.com/lincoln/linc001.htm
009. Star track? I read where Bill Shatner is about to debut an interview show.. where he will interview "notorious personages".. Will our Captain Kirk make this into a "slightly naughty" show like Boston Legal? The first interviewee is slated to be the "Subway Vigilante." Should be interesting.
http://movieactors.com/actors/williamshatner.htm
010. Prison for dummies. An Argentine prison was low on money, so they posted a dummy in a guard tower. Some prisoners were not the dummies that the warden thought they were and escaped.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-10706626
011. Here's your sign. The inhabitants of Shitterton, England, not wanting to change their town's name and tired of constantly replacing their town sign.. chipped in to buy a boulder with the name carved into it. "Let's see those 'low-lifes' steal this one!" (I'm sure that people smart enough to fool the public about crop-circles for years, will have no problem in removing this big stone, at night, by the light of a full moon.)
012. Use your napkin and sit up straight, Fido! Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a "Pet High Chair".. which they say "promotes more refined behavior." (As reported by Consumers Reports.)
......................................................................................................................
http://refinery29.com/chelsea-clinton-wedding-budget.php
01. Who are you looking at! I went on a tour of NASA's Goddard Space Center with my Men's Club on Friday. Amazing place. I was mainly interested in the Hubble space telescope and it's remarkable pictures which were posted over all the walls.
I probably should have known this, but I didn't. The Hubble will be replaced around 2014 by the JWST (James Webb Space Telescope).
http://www.jwst.nasa.gov/about.html
Hubble takes picture of the universe as it was over 13 billion years ago and is an orbit 350 miles above the earth. JWST will be in orbit one million miles above the earth (4 times as far as the moon) and will take pictures older than Hubble's, if that's possible. . Some of the comments of my fellow men's club members:
"Will they be looking over the edge of the universe.. like Columbus?"
"Suppose they take a picture of a big eye?"
"This whole thing doesn't make sense. Don't they read the Bible?"
I just hope that I can make it to 2014.. for the launch, and then through however long it takes to transmit pictures back to earth from a million miles up.
My great grandson, Cameron, should see a lot of interesting space pictures during his lifetime, if crazy people don't blow us up soon and make us just another burned out rock on the screen of some alien's space telescope.
02. This cracks me up. A Court ruling says that a man lowering his pants and showing underwear is protected by the first amendment and can't be prohibited .. huh? This comes under "freedom of speech?"
(It may be that I have mixed this up with an English ruling a few months ago. I thought it was an American case. Instead of "first amendment".. such a prohibition would instead violate "young {British} men's human rights.")
03. Gives new meaning to "giving one the finger." The petrified middle finger of Galileo is on display in Florence, near the Uffizi Gallery, at the Museo Galileo: Instituto e Museo di Storia della Scienza.
http://www2.jpl.nasa.gov/galileo/finger.html
04. No money-pit? The Carroll County Times (Maryland) reports that Baltimore has recommended no-cost spaying and neutering programs for "Pit Bills".
(Reminds me of President Harding. Some have said that the President rented a row-house in DC, where a deep pit was built so that people wanting favors from his Administration could toss their contributions without fear of disclosure.)
http://www.infoplease.com/biography/var/warrenharding.html
05. Round-up? Some 99 cents stores in the U.S. have changed their prices to $ 0.9999 cents, which I'm told causes the register to record it as $1.00. This, of course, allows them to make one penny on each sale.. and this equates to lots of profit on millions of sales.
(At one point, the Government decided to "round down" the amounts in Social Security checks.. imagine how much money that has made for the Government. I hope it went into the Social Security Trust Fund......)
06. The Great Bell, California uprising of 2010. As I reported in my last entry, city officials in Bell, California were making astronomical wages. Well, as soon as the people in that city learned about these wages (no, not from my blog), they erupted in anger and the officials involved have had to resign. The question is: how did it get to this point? Doesn't the city have open meetings where things like officials' salaries are discussed? Guess not.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100723/ap_on_re_us/us_bell_salaries
07. Birth control? Scientists have discovered that there is a gene found in all creatures in the line from fish to man that controls the generation of sperm. This is called the Boule Gene. Would controling that gene be an acceptable method of birth control? Probably not.
http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/news/article/3356
08. Hot lawyers? Once, when Abraham Lincoln was staying at a tavern on a very cold night, he noticed that there were a lot of other attorneys hugging the pot-bellied stove. As Lincoln neared the fire, the host addressed him: "Pretty cold tonight."
Lincoln replied: "Colder than hell."
One of the lawyers turned to Abe and said: "You've been there too, have you, Mr. Lincoln?"
Lincoln replied: "Yes, and the funny thing is that it's much like it is here.. all lawyers are nearest the fire."
http://www.rickwalton.com/lincoln/linc001.htm
009. Star track? I read where Bill Shatner is about to debut an interview show.. where he will interview "notorious personages".. Will our Captain Kirk make this into a "slightly naughty" show like Boston Legal? The first interviewee is slated to be the "Subway Vigilante." Should be interesting.
http://movieactors.com/actors/williamshatner.htm
010. Prison for dummies. An Argentine prison was low on money, so they posted a dummy in a guard tower. Some prisoners were not the dummies that the warden thought they were and escaped.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-10706626
011. Here's your sign. The inhabitants of Shitterton, England, not wanting to change their town's name and tired of constantly replacing their town sign.. chipped in to buy a boulder with the name carved into it. "Let's see those 'low-lifes' steal this one!" (I'm sure that people smart enough to fool the public about crop-circles for years, will have no problem in removing this big stone, at night, by the light of a full moon.)
012. Use your napkin and sit up straight, Fido! Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a "Pet High Chair".. which they say "promotes more refined behavior." (As reported by Consumers Reports.)
......................................................................................................................
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Conversation
One of my favorite movies: The Wrong Box has an elderly character who likes to share facts with anyone who is nearby. At one point in the movie, he gets a chance to ride on a horse-drawn wagon for an hour, seated next to the driver.
As they enter the town, he breaks off his monologue and tells the driver that he would now be able to disembark. The driver, clearly battered and worn from his rider's incessant chatter, says: "Oh, would you?" (with an implied PLEASE!)
So it is with blogs. The good thing though, is that one can avoid visiting the site or one can block the writer's entries, at least on Facebook.
With that bit of off-hand advice, I will continue with my blog entry.
01. Death of another Icon: Dan Shorr passed away at 93 on Friday. I didn't always agree with his actions, but usually I agreed with his commentary. Besides, anyone on Nixon's Enemies List has to be someone I admire.
02. Hate Groups. The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) says that they are now tracking 23 organized extremist groups in Maryland. They also state that there are 1,753 active extremist groups in the U.S. Anti-immigrant groups have grown astronomically recently.
Let me ask one question related to immigration: If suddenly all illegal aliens were kicked out, who would pick our fruit and vegetables, clean the toilets in our fast food joints, or watch the children of our elected officials?
03. Gun control: Comic, Chris Rock says he has the solution to the "bearing arms" issue. "Bullets should cost $3,000 each." That way, only serious hunters would have them..and children and crooks might be deterred. What do you think?
04. Bliss. Jeremy Quinn, Mensan, says: "The beautiful thing about marriage is that you can wear your old, discolored shirt in front of her when it would embarass you no end should anyone else witness it."
05. Harvard grads? Massachusetts put out a list of the top 1,000 State tourist attractions.. but the list only showed 996 places, and some of them don't exist. (I'll have to look for New Bedford entries. A few years ago, I compiled my own list of about 100 places to go and things to do in the geater NB area. I would be glad to share it.)
06. Nature's Bounty. Last year, we discovered the Earthbox and grew lots of vegetables on our back deck. This year, we bought three more and are enjoying lots of delicious home-grown veggies, such as giant zuchini, giant cucumbers, tomatoes of all kinds, patti-pan squash, .. and even corn!
(Google Earthbox)
07. Toastmasters take note: Shakespeare wrote 31,959 speeches! (Could Bacon have done that?)
08. Mushrooms: The Crystal Falls, Michigan Humungus Fungus Fest will be held in August. I believe that they make a 10' x 10' mushroom pizza. (Is it true that there is a mushroom growing on 37 acres underground..that is 1,500 years old?)
http://www.humungusfungusfest.com/
09. Sarah sez: New word.. refudiate. Is this related to Elmer Fudd's dislike of Bugs?
10. The Bard: Sarah said that Shakespeare made up new words all the time..when he wasn't writing thousands of speeches. Mensa has a Special Interest Group (SIG) for Shakespeare lovers.. it's called Bardolatry and can be found on Facebook.
11. Jobs: Maybe we should move to Bell, California. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me reports that the Bell City Manager is paid $787,000 and it's Police Chief is paid $457,000. I wonder what the salaries are for L.A., which probably has a rather larger population?
12. Burning Question: Is this the year twenty ten, two thousand ten, or two thousand and ten? (Answer, from Mensan Richard Lederer.. "twenty ten ... saves five letters, one syllable, and one word." I know, you are wondering why us guys with genius IQ's are spending time on this subject. I wonder too.)
..................................................................................................................................
As they enter the town, he breaks off his monologue and tells the driver that he would now be able to disembark. The driver, clearly battered and worn from his rider's incessant chatter, says: "Oh, would you?" (with an implied PLEASE!)
So it is with blogs. The good thing though, is that one can avoid visiting the site or one can block the writer's entries, at least on Facebook.
With that bit of off-hand advice, I will continue with my blog entry.
01. Death of another Icon: Dan Shorr passed away at 93 on Friday. I didn't always agree with his actions, but usually I agreed with his commentary. Besides, anyone on Nixon's Enemies List has to be someone I admire.
02. Hate Groups. The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) says that they are now tracking 23 organized extremist groups in Maryland. They also state that there are 1,753 active extremist groups in the U.S. Anti-immigrant groups have grown astronomically recently.
Let me ask one question related to immigration: If suddenly all illegal aliens were kicked out, who would pick our fruit and vegetables, clean the toilets in our fast food joints, or watch the children of our elected officials?
03. Gun control: Comic, Chris Rock says he has the solution to the "bearing arms" issue. "Bullets should cost $3,000 each." That way, only serious hunters would have them..and children and crooks might be deterred. What do you think?
04. Bliss. Jeremy Quinn, Mensan, says: "The beautiful thing about marriage is that you can wear your old, discolored shirt in front of her when it would embarass you no end should anyone else witness it."
05. Harvard grads? Massachusetts put out a list of the top 1,000 State tourist attractions.. but the list only showed 996 places, and some of them don't exist. (I'll have to look for New Bedford entries. A few years ago, I compiled my own list of about 100 places to go and things to do in the geater NB area. I would be glad to share it.)
06. Nature's Bounty. Last year, we discovered the Earthbox and grew lots of vegetables on our back deck. This year, we bought three more and are enjoying lots of delicious home-grown veggies, such as giant zuchini, giant cucumbers, tomatoes of all kinds, patti-pan squash, .. and even corn!
(Google Earthbox)
07. Toastmasters take note: Shakespeare wrote 31,959 speeches! (Could Bacon have done that?)
08. Mushrooms: The Crystal Falls, Michigan Humungus Fungus Fest will be held in August. I believe that they make a 10' x 10' mushroom pizza. (Is it true that there is a mushroom growing on 37 acres underground..that is 1,500 years old?)
http://www.humungusfungusfest.com/
09. Sarah sez: New word.. refudiate. Is this related to Elmer Fudd's dislike of Bugs?
10. The Bard: Sarah said that Shakespeare made up new words all the time..when he wasn't writing thousands of speeches. Mensa has a Special Interest Group (SIG) for Shakespeare lovers.. it's called Bardolatry and can be found on Facebook.
11. Jobs: Maybe we should move to Bell, California. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me reports that the Bell City Manager is paid $787,000 and it's Police Chief is paid $457,000. I wonder what the salaries are for L.A., which probably has a rather larger population?
12. Burning Question: Is this the year twenty ten, two thousand ten, or two thousand and ten? (Answer, from Mensan Richard Lederer.. "twenty ten ... saves five letters, one syllable, and one word." I know, you are wondering why us guys with genius IQ's are spending time on this subject. I wonder too.)
..................................................................................................................................
Sunday, July 18, 2010
More Foolishness
01. Insight: I know that some people do read blogs like mine.. especially in Japan where some entries are used to facilitate English lessons, or at least that is what I have been told through some emails I have received and from the large number of Japanese comments posted to one of my blogs.This reminds me of a "life lesson" from when I was in the eighth grade:
I had been working hard to build my muscles through weight lifting for a couple of years, but I had overheard some girls saying that guys with large muscles looked ugly. That bothered me for some time, until I visited one of my friends' girl friend's home.. on her bedroom wall, she had posted large pictures of weightlifters and bodybuilders flexing their massive muscles. She and her two girlfriends were "oohing" and "aahing" over the pictures. That is when I gained my insight:
As the song goes: "Some girls don't like boys like me...... ahhh! but some girls do!"
02. Bad taste: Doctors have reported that Pine Nut Syndrome is with us again. This occurs to certain people who eat too many pine nuts. Somehow, their tastebuds are screwed up and they have a tinny taste in their mouths for up to six months. I love to eat pine nuts but have not yet experienced bad taste.. at least not in my mouth.
03. Immigration: Harpers reports that almost 400,000 immigrants have been deported from the US during President Obama's first year in office. (Did you read that, Lou Dobbs?)
04. Super tool: I received an ad for a "pocket saw" that supposedly can cut through any substance known to man. It folds up like a jack knife and can be put into one's pocket, and apparently remain undetected until needed for tasks like decapitation.
05. Itching to know? I read about a site where you can find out about possible infestation in your New York City hotel. http://www.bedbugregistry.com/
06. Cut it out, Imam! In a move that will cause the hairs to rise on the back of your neck, Iran has banned the Mullet haircut. At last Iran has done something I can agree with. http://hubpages.com/hub/Mullet-Haircuts
07. Finally! British researchers have determined that the chicken came before the egg, based on scientific examination of egg shell material! (Now, where the devil did the chicken come from?)
08. Funny phrase: Yesterday I heard a lady tell her friend: "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in a month of Sundays." (Does anyone know where that phrase comes from? I'll bet my brother Joe does.)
09. Wino test: NPR reports that Harrisburg, Pennsylvania is testing a wine buying set up for supermarkets. One accesses a video hookup in a kiosk and a person remotely checks the personal information that you supply (name and date of birth at least) and then, if you are who you say you are, and over 21, you are asked to breathe into a tube and undergo a check to make sure you are not already drunk. Once you pass all these tests, you can open the door and extract wine that is priced from $6 to $22. (Apparently, they are selling 80 bottles a day through the kiosk.)
Just think of the possibilities for the police from this set up. But probably not for homeland security folks, because terrorists may not drink alcohol.
10. Cat burgler. A family has reported that their cat has come home with stolen underwear every night for a while. So far, the feline felon has copped 79 pair of undies.
11. Watchit! Along that line.. I received an ad for "grab and go" underwear. I would be afraid to wear such things. (I guess maybe the above mentioned cat got her thievery idea from this ad.)
12. Button up! Another British study has determined that people with high belly buttons are better at sports because they have a higher center of gravity. (I wonder whose bellies they examined. Did they check out belly-dancers? Pot bellies? Innies or outies? Beer bellies? Pregnant bellies?)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Madamina, il catalogo e questo...
A couple of very interesting catalogs appeared in the mail the other day, and I thought that I might mention a few of the things that you might want to order. If you are tempted, let me know and I'll tell you the names of these great catalogs.
Stuff for the home.
01. Hair cutting umbrella: This is kind of a cape/bucket that fits around your neck and catches all of the hair, eyebrows, and earlobes that get lopped off as your spouse gives you a haircut. Clever idea.
02. Laundry sign: A magnetic cover for the front of your washing machine that lets people know that they are in the "laundry." (Here's your sign!)
03. Egg cracker: A machine for those persons unable to crack their eggs on the side of a bowl. The two sides of each cracked egg come out evenly and aesthetically correct.
04. Bed bug repeller: Plug it in, turn it to "high" and watch those little rascals scoot to escape the ultrahigh inaudible sound waves. (Especially recommended for people living in New York City.)
05. Lock for your safe: Keeps people from stealing the important papers in your 10 pound safe, unless the crook decides to pick it up, carry it off and open it later with a crowbar.
Tasteful items:
01. Toilet seat clock: Chimes every hour with a flushing sound.
02. Toilet mug: Have your dark brown morning brew in a realistically rendered coffee mug shaped like your bathroom toilet.
03. Booty Bop: I haven't a clue about this product.. the catalog doesn't explain it. It probably is related to the old poem: "what God has forgotten, we stuff up with cotton."
04. Burping bank: Stick a coin in the piggy bank's slot and it burps and snorts just like the depositor.
05. Butt bank: Stick a coin in the plumber's butt crack and hear a realistic fart. (Voted "Baltimore's Best" by Miss Allen's 6th grade class.)
Stuff for your pet.
01. Doggie litter turf: This little bit of greenery is designed to allow your pooch to do his business indoors in bad weather.
02. Diet bowl: Prongs stick up from the bowl bottom, so your dog or cat will learn to eat slower and more carefully. (Might work also for human dieters.)
For your yard.
01. Frogs have fun. Forget about the Mexican on a burro or the "Baltimore Hon" flamingo, this is a set of two waving green frogs on a sliding board. (Years ago, our friend, Miss Marie, made me a ceramic "Frog in Pink Hot Pants. My daughter now has this heirloom next to her backyard fish pond,)
02. HOOT! Hang this realistic owl from a tree trunk and every time something comes near, a sensor triggers a very loud "Hoot! Hoot!" to scare the trespasser away. (I wonder what this sounds like at 3 am when some bats decide to investigate?)
Remember these catalogs take credit cards.
....................................................
Stuff for the home.
01. Hair cutting umbrella: This is kind of a cape/bucket that fits around your neck and catches all of the hair, eyebrows, and earlobes that get lopped off as your spouse gives you a haircut. Clever idea.
02. Laundry sign: A magnetic cover for the front of your washing machine that lets people know that they are in the "laundry." (Here's your sign!)
03. Egg cracker: A machine for those persons unable to crack their eggs on the side of a bowl. The two sides of each cracked egg come out evenly and aesthetically correct.
04. Bed bug repeller: Plug it in, turn it to "high" and watch those little rascals scoot to escape the ultrahigh inaudible sound waves. (Especially recommended for people living in New York City.)
05. Lock for your safe: Keeps people from stealing the important papers in your 10 pound safe, unless the crook decides to pick it up, carry it off and open it later with a crowbar.
Tasteful items:
01. Toilet seat clock: Chimes every hour with a flushing sound.
02. Toilet mug: Have your dark brown morning brew in a realistically rendered coffee mug shaped like your bathroom toilet.
03. Booty Bop: I haven't a clue about this product.. the catalog doesn't explain it. It probably is related to the old poem: "what God has forgotten, we stuff up with cotton."
04. Burping bank: Stick a coin in the piggy bank's slot and it burps and snorts just like the depositor.
05. Butt bank: Stick a coin in the plumber's butt crack and hear a realistic fart. (Voted "Baltimore's Best" by Miss Allen's 6th grade class.)
Stuff for your pet.
01. Doggie litter turf: This little bit of greenery is designed to allow your pooch to do his business indoors in bad weather.
02. Diet bowl: Prongs stick up from the bowl bottom, so your dog or cat will learn to eat slower and more carefully. (Might work also for human dieters.)
For your yard.
01. Frogs have fun. Forget about the Mexican on a burro or the "Baltimore Hon" flamingo, this is a set of two waving green frogs on a sliding board. (Years ago, our friend, Miss Marie, made me a ceramic "Frog in Pink Hot Pants. My daughter now has this heirloom next to her backyard fish pond,)
02. HOOT! Hang this realistic owl from a tree trunk and every time something comes near, a sensor triggers a very loud "Hoot! Hoot!" to scare the trespasser away. (I wonder what this sounds like at 3 am when some bats decide to investigate?)
Remember these catalogs take credit cards.
....................................................
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Another dozen
01. Red Hat Club Ancest0r: In 1969, I established the Red Tie Club at the Social Security Administration. At our peak, we had 29 members who vowed that they would wear a red tie on Fridays. If not, they had to buy coffee and doughnuts for all of the other members. (Several guys would forget each week, but it wasn't very hard on the pocketbook because you could get a coffee and a sticky bun for 15 cents in those days.)
Remember.. this was 40 years ago and office workers had to wear neckties. This was a bad time for lungs because smoking was allowed everywhere. It always stunk to high heaven and one had to work in a haze of smog. However, we were used to it and didn't worry about it too much.
Once in the 1970's I decided that it was too stinky in my branch, so I shipped one of my smokiest sections into what I thought was a vacant storage room. That way, those guys could puff away to their heart's content without bothering anybody else. Or so I thought.
As soon as my guys were settled and began to light up, they noticed a rustling that seemed to be coming from what we thought were empty cartons piled up in the far corner of the room. It turned out to be the location of a programmer who hated smoking and who had made himself an office out of empty boxes. We had no idea he lived there. But, overwhelmed with the new smokiness, he soon moved out for parts unknown.
(Incidentally, this gentleman turned out to be the world's foremost expert on Esperanto, the international language. I've talked about this in other blogs.)
02. Big Bite! Scientists have found evidence of a giant Sperm Whale in the Australian desert. I have to check this out. The teeth are purported to be 4' long.. in a 50' body. Supposedly, this leviathan was not Mr. Niceguy. I believe that part of the discovery's name will honor Herman Melville (my hero.)
03. Watch out! The National Federation of the Blind and Virginia Tech are working on a project to allow blind people to drive. There already are some assistive devices related to that:
DriveGrip.. vibrating gloves that signal when and where to turn.
AirPix.. Paper with holes through which compressed air is sent to inform a driver as to what is around the vehicle.
04. Directions: One true thing about the village I live in, there is only one road out. Ordinarily this doesn't pose a problem, but the other day a jogger hailed me and asked if he were going in the right direction to get out of the village. I said "no" and explained the layout to him. He said "thanks" and went off in the wrong direction. I accosted him and told him he was going in the wrong direction. He said "OK" and continued in the same wrong direction. I gave up. Elaine says "that is just like a man."
05. Spies? I wonder if any of my neighbors are Russian spies. If they have operatives planted in the US.. we must have some as well. Spygate? I guess it is just another source of income for American citizens. I wonder what secret documents they xeroxed or photographed from their time in the PTA or the local Baptist Church.
06. Abdication: Larry King is retiring after 25 years in the media. Will Jeraldo take his place? Maybe now he can become a Russian spy like his neighbors.
07. Damn Alkie Wino: I am under my cardiologist's orders to have two alcoholic beverages per day. It's supposed to help my heart. So, in a week, if I drink only beer.. there will be 14 bottles in my recycling bin. If wine, maybe 3 or 4 bottles of wine. Anyway, last week the recycling pickup didn't show up for a few days.. so the booze evidence increased until it looked like all we drink is alcoholic beverages. So what.. who cares what the neighbors think. Besides Lutherans like to drink beer.
Once, on vacation in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, I was out blogging on recycling pickup day and I noticed that every bin was filled with empty wine bottles of a certain fairly expensive red wine type. At first I thought that the liquor store must have had a fantastic sale. Then I thought that this many people can't all drink the same kind of wine. Then I realized that this was probably all from the same wino. His bin was full, so he decided to fill up his neighbors' bins. .. ok.. like I said before.. who cares?
08. Great idea: Someone is marketing Bridal Diapers. Who needs them? I guess it depends on how strong a Bride's bladder is.
09. Style: An upbeat 69 year old Wonder Woman will now dress in stretch pants. About time.
10. Baltimorese: John Goodspeed of the Baltimore Sun published a dictionary of the dialect spoken in Baltimore, Maryland. Look at a few of the entries:
Clays: clothes
Everythink: everything
Flares: flowers
Koor: car
Nayo: no
Urshter: oyster
Zinc: sink
11. Job openings: Britain is advertising for Bikini mud wrestlers.
12. Hairy lip? A German study has found that female fish like male fish best if they have a kind of mustache. Clark Gablefish.
...............................................................................................
Remember.. this was 40 years ago and office workers had to wear neckties. This was a bad time for lungs because smoking was allowed everywhere. It always stunk to high heaven and one had to work in a haze of smog. However, we were used to it and didn't worry about it too much.
Once in the 1970's I decided that it was too stinky in my branch, so I shipped one of my smokiest sections into what I thought was a vacant storage room. That way, those guys could puff away to their heart's content without bothering anybody else. Or so I thought.
As soon as my guys were settled and began to light up, they noticed a rustling that seemed to be coming from what we thought were empty cartons piled up in the far corner of the room. It turned out to be the location of a programmer who hated smoking and who had made himself an office out of empty boxes. We had no idea he lived there. But, overwhelmed with the new smokiness, he soon moved out for parts unknown.
(Incidentally, this gentleman turned out to be the world's foremost expert on Esperanto, the international language. I've talked about this in other blogs.)
02. Big Bite! Scientists have found evidence of a giant Sperm Whale in the Australian desert. I have to check this out. The teeth are purported to be 4' long.. in a 50' body. Supposedly, this leviathan was not Mr. Niceguy. I believe that part of the discovery's name will honor Herman Melville (my hero.)
03. Watch out! The National Federation of the Blind and Virginia Tech are working on a project to allow blind people to drive. There already are some assistive devices related to that:
DriveGrip.. vibrating gloves that signal when and where to turn.
AirPix.. Paper with holes through which compressed air is sent to inform a driver as to what is around the vehicle.
04. Directions: One true thing about the village I live in, there is only one road out. Ordinarily this doesn't pose a problem, but the other day a jogger hailed me and asked if he were going in the right direction to get out of the village. I said "no" and explained the layout to him. He said "thanks" and went off in the wrong direction. I accosted him and told him he was going in the wrong direction. He said "OK" and continued in the same wrong direction. I gave up. Elaine says "that is just like a man."
05. Spies? I wonder if any of my neighbors are Russian spies. If they have operatives planted in the US.. we must have some as well. Spygate? I guess it is just another source of income for American citizens. I wonder what secret documents they xeroxed or photographed from their time in the PTA or the local Baptist Church.
06. Abdication: Larry King is retiring after 25 years in the media. Will Jeraldo take his place? Maybe now he can become a Russian spy like his neighbors.
07. Damn Alkie Wino: I am under my cardiologist's orders to have two alcoholic beverages per day. It's supposed to help my heart. So, in a week, if I drink only beer.. there will be 14 bottles in my recycling bin. If wine, maybe 3 or 4 bottles of wine. Anyway, last week the recycling pickup didn't show up for a few days.. so the booze evidence increased until it looked like all we drink is alcoholic beverages. So what.. who cares what the neighbors think. Besides Lutherans like to drink beer.
Once, on vacation in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, I was out blogging on recycling pickup day and I noticed that every bin was filled with empty wine bottles of a certain fairly expensive red wine type. At first I thought that the liquor store must have had a fantastic sale. Then I thought that this many people can't all drink the same kind of wine. Then I realized that this was probably all from the same wino. His bin was full, so he decided to fill up his neighbors' bins. .. ok.. like I said before.. who cares?
08. Great idea: Someone is marketing Bridal Diapers. Who needs them? I guess it depends on how strong a Bride's bladder is.
09. Style: An upbeat 69 year old Wonder Woman will now dress in stretch pants. About time.
10. Baltimorese: John Goodspeed of the Baltimore Sun published a dictionary of the dialect spoken in Baltimore, Maryland. Look at a few of the entries:
Clays: clothes
Everythink: everything
Flares: flowers
Koor: car
Nayo: no
Urshter: oyster
Zinc: sink
11. Job openings: Britain is advertising for Bikini mud wrestlers.
12. Hairy lip? A German study has found that female fish like male fish best if they have a kind of mustache. Clark Gablefish.
...............................................................................................
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Summer 2010 is here and we're still crazy.
Another dozen:
01. Communication. One young man sitting near me said to his friend: "I was like, well, I mean, you know." His friend nodded, so I guess he knew.
02. Another fatwa: An Iranian Ayatollah has condemned the keeping of dogs as pets, because they are not clean and cause some people to love them more than people in their family. (What about cats, gerbils or hermit crabs?)
03. Eat your veggies! The garden on our deck has now produced:
6 bags of lettuce
lots of dill
2 5" zukes
2 8" zukes
4 red tomatoes
Hey! We're farmers!
04. Another young terrorist. A 7-year old was kicked out of a Rhode Island second grade class for having toy soldiers with guns glued to his hat! (When will those gangsters learn to stop breaking the law!)
05. Das Vaterland. I heard on the radio that Homeland Security was named as a joke that stuck, even though Americans don't refer to the U.S. as their "homeland."
06. Appropriate name: A lady calling a radio talk-show was named Patience Waite.
07. Carry on luggage? Airport workers in Arkansas found a bunch of human heads when they inspected a package. Police reported that they were just being sent to a medical company and that was ok. (Was Bin Laden's head one of them?)
08. Got trolls? I heard that a movie is about to be filmed about those little trolls from the '70's, so if you haven't thrown them out, you might want to keep them as an investment. (What about "my little ponies?")
09. Important information: The fruit (or vegetable) with the most fiber is the avocado. (I didn't know that!) And the name comes from the Aztec word for testicle, "ahuacatl."
10. Can't women let men have anything of their own? Fibanserin is a drug that is being called "the female viagra." (I wonder how the FDA is testing it.)
11. Hayabusa recall. The Japanese have successfully retrieved a geological sample from the Itokawa asteroid! (Think about that for a while!)
12. A new terrorist ploy? Bedbugs have invaded Goldman Sachs offices in Jersey City. (Serves them right!)
....................................................
01. Communication. One young man sitting near me said to his friend: "I was like, well, I mean, you know." His friend nodded, so I guess he knew.
02. Another fatwa: An Iranian Ayatollah has condemned the keeping of dogs as pets, because they are not clean and cause some people to love them more than people in their family. (What about cats, gerbils or hermit crabs?)
03. Eat your veggies! The garden on our deck has now produced:
6 bags of lettuce
lots of dill
2 5" zukes
2 8" zukes
4 red tomatoes
Hey! We're farmers!
04. Another young terrorist. A 7-year old was kicked out of a Rhode Island second grade class for having toy soldiers with guns glued to his hat! (When will those gangsters learn to stop breaking the law!)
05. Das Vaterland. I heard on the radio that Homeland Security was named as a joke that stuck, even though Americans don't refer to the U.S. as their "homeland."
06. Appropriate name: A lady calling a radio talk-show was named Patience Waite.
07. Carry on luggage? Airport workers in Arkansas found a bunch of human heads when they inspected a package. Police reported that they were just being sent to a medical company and that was ok. (Was Bin Laden's head one of them?)
08. Got trolls? I heard that a movie is about to be filmed about those little trolls from the '70's, so if you haven't thrown them out, you might want to keep them as an investment. (What about "my little ponies?")
09. Important information: The fruit (or vegetable) with the most fiber is the avocado. (I didn't know that!) And the name comes from the Aztec word for testicle, "ahuacatl."
10. Can't women let men have anything of their own? Fibanserin is a drug that is being called "the female viagra." (I wonder how the FDA is testing it.)
11. Hayabusa recall. The Japanese have successfully retrieved a geological sample from the Itokawa asteroid! (Think about that for a while!)
12. A new terrorist ploy? Bedbugs have invaded Goldman Sachs offices in Jersey City. (Serves them right!)
....................................................
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Old and New, Borrowed and Blue (maybe)
Here's another dozen:
01. Prophetic. I'm trying to solve a crossword puzzle from 1943 and one of the clues states: "Chirping note." The answer, of course, is TWEET. (How did they know?)
02. Self-mutilation. Last year, at a WalMart store near Ocean City, I noticed that almost everyone, old and young, male and female, had tattoos. Last week, at a WalMart store in Westminster, Maryland, I noticed that almost everyone, old and young, male and female, had tattoos. I predict that the most lucrative profession in the year 2030 will be Tattoo Remover.
03. Methuselah? Former Illinois Governor, Rod Blagojevich, faces a total of 415 years in jail.
Do you remember those great lyrics:
Methuselah lived 900 years,
Old Methuselah lived 900 years,
But what use is livin'
When no woman will give in
To no man what's 900 years?
04. Retired? Who said this?
Somebody asked me: "What did you do today?
I said: "Nothing."
"But isn't that what you did yesterday?"
"Yes, but I wasn't finished."
05. Cholesterol: Would you go to the Australian restaurant where you are required to eat everything on your plate or be banished? Chef Ichikawa says he is serious about this.
Is that bad? "I say: Nay Nay!"
06. Somebody is watching you! I just read that General James Clapper (!) has been nominated to become coordinator of the 16 U.S. intelligence agencies. I hope that Jimmie will be able to get them coordinated enough to find Ben Ladin. (Maybe they already know where he is. If so, why don't they help the guys with hand grenades and samurai swords get to him. )
Question: how did that guy get on a US plane with his sword if I get stopped when my metal collar button sets off the metal detector?
07. Aging: I like this poem by Suzan L. Wiener, that was in Mature Living magazine.
You know you're getting older,
And this is true I guess,
When your life in the fast lane
Is now just the supermarket express.
08. Samuel Clemens: Mark Twain was known all over the West for the Celebrated Jumping Frog story, but when the New York Times published it so the East would know about him, they mis-named him Mark Swain.
09. Beam me up! I'm told that William Shattner auctioned off his kidney stone. I wonder how much he got for it.
10. Church stuff: Elaine likes to see the burrowing animals that inhabit the sloping lawns around the local Catholic church. She calls them: Holy Gophers.
Somebody told me that there is a Catholic church somewhere that is called "Lovely Bones".. I haven't checked it out yet.
Church names are interesting: When I went to a Quaker "church".. it was called the Friends Meeting House. What a nice name.. although it was misleading because if any of us young boys started to nod off waiting for the spirit to move someone to speak, we were subjected to a hearty crack on the head by a long pole-wielding unfriendly old-timer.
Later in my childhood, I went to the "First Baptist Church." I don't recall there being a "Second Baptist Church".. I'm sure there was somewhere. I'm also sure there was never a "Last Baptist Church." I could be wrong.
Some folks know that I was ordained in the Church of Modern Apostles in the 1970's. I still can legally perform weddings in the State of Florida. Actually, anybody can perform marriages in most states as long as the parties to the marriage get appropriate licenses.
11. Computers! (Watch it.. this is boring.. so just skip over it.) I have a lot of computers, partly because I never throw anything away. Let me give you an inventory:
A. One of the first laptops.. it weighs about twenty-five pounds. (Carry-on luggage?)
B. A laptop that I backed over in Massachusetts. It still works, except for the screen.
C. A replacement laptop, that has half of its screen messed up.. yes, I dropped it.
D. A desktop that is driving me crazy. I'm ready to throw it out the window. Its main function is as a network base. At least it actually does that ok.
E. A new laptop with VISTA. Every day it has a problem that takes me a long time to fix. But it has a very user-friendly keyboard, and I like it when it is working. Every once in a while it becomes unfixable and I have to restore it to its pristine condition and lose a lot of information.
F. A mini-laptop which was very cheap to buy and is easy to carry around and store. However, my fingers are a little too fat for the keyboard.. and pictures don't show up very well on the small screen.
G. A DROID. I like it, but it also has small keys.. my daughter-in-law gave me some tips about it and that has helped me learn to use it. The battery gets used up fast so I have to charge it up every evening. It takes nice pictures.
H. Three CPU's from earlier computers.. a technician says he can take all of the data from them and put it on a CD that I can then download/upload to one of my newer computers and see what I thought had been lost when I upgraded.
12. Celebration. Please be advised that July is National Baked Bean Month. (I'm sure that Larry the Cable Guy will have something to say.. or do.. about that.)
...................................................................................................................
01. Prophetic. I'm trying to solve a crossword puzzle from 1943 and one of the clues states: "Chirping note." The answer, of course, is TWEET. (How did they know?)
02. Self-mutilation. Last year, at a WalMart store near Ocean City, I noticed that almost everyone, old and young, male and female, had tattoos. Last week, at a WalMart store in Westminster, Maryland, I noticed that almost everyone, old and young, male and female, had tattoos. I predict that the most lucrative profession in the year 2030 will be Tattoo Remover.
03. Methuselah? Former Illinois Governor, Rod Blagojevich, faces a total of 415 years in jail.
Do you remember those great lyrics:
Methuselah lived 900 years,
Old Methuselah lived 900 years,
But what use is livin'
When no woman will give in
To no man what's 900 years?
04. Retired? Who said this?
Somebody asked me: "What did you do today?
I said: "Nothing."
"But isn't that what you did yesterday?"
"Yes, but I wasn't finished."
05. Cholesterol: Would you go to the Australian restaurant where you are required to eat everything on your plate or be banished? Chef Ichikawa says he is serious about this.
Is that bad? "I say: Nay Nay!"
06. Somebody is watching you! I just read that General James Clapper (!) has been nominated to become coordinator of the 16 U.S. intelligence agencies. I hope that Jimmie will be able to get them coordinated enough to find Ben Ladin. (Maybe they already know where he is. If so, why don't they help the guys with hand grenades and samurai swords get to him. )
Question: how did that guy get on a US plane with his sword if I get stopped when my metal collar button sets off the metal detector?
07. Aging: I like this poem by Suzan L. Wiener, that was in Mature Living magazine.
You know you're getting older,
And this is true I guess,
When your life in the fast lane
Is now just the supermarket express.
08. Samuel Clemens: Mark Twain was known all over the West for the Celebrated Jumping Frog story, but when the New York Times published it so the East would know about him, they mis-named him Mark Swain.
09. Beam me up! I'm told that William Shattner auctioned off his kidney stone. I wonder how much he got for it.
10. Church stuff: Elaine likes to see the burrowing animals that inhabit the sloping lawns around the local Catholic church. She calls them: Holy Gophers.
Somebody told me that there is a Catholic church somewhere that is called "Lovely Bones".. I haven't checked it out yet.
Church names are interesting: When I went to a Quaker "church".. it was called the Friends Meeting House. What a nice name.. although it was misleading because if any of us young boys started to nod off waiting for the spirit to move someone to speak, we were subjected to a hearty crack on the head by a long pole-wielding unfriendly old-timer.
Later in my childhood, I went to the "First Baptist Church." I don't recall there being a "Second Baptist Church".. I'm sure there was somewhere. I'm also sure there was never a "Last Baptist Church." I could be wrong.
Some folks know that I was ordained in the Church of Modern Apostles in the 1970's. I still can legally perform weddings in the State of Florida. Actually, anybody can perform marriages in most states as long as the parties to the marriage get appropriate licenses.
11. Computers! (Watch it.. this is boring.. so just skip over it.) I have a lot of computers, partly because I never throw anything away. Let me give you an inventory:
A. One of the first laptops.. it weighs about twenty-five pounds. (Carry-on luggage?)
B. A laptop that I backed over in Massachusetts. It still works, except for the screen.
C. A replacement laptop, that has half of its screen messed up.. yes, I dropped it.
D. A desktop that is driving me crazy. I'm ready to throw it out the window. Its main function is as a network base. At least it actually does that ok.
E. A new laptop with VISTA. Every day it has a problem that takes me a long time to fix. But it has a very user-friendly keyboard, and I like it when it is working. Every once in a while it becomes unfixable and I have to restore it to its pristine condition and lose a lot of information.
F. A mini-laptop which was very cheap to buy and is easy to carry around and store. However, my fingers are a little too fat for the keyboard.. and pictures don't show up very well on the small screen.
G. A DROID. I like it, but it also has small keys.. my daughter-in-law gave me some tips about it and that has helped me learn to use it. The battery gets used up fast so I have to charge it up every evening. It takes nice pictures.
H. Three CPU's from earlier computers.. a technician says he can take all of the data from them and put it on a CD that I can then download/upload to one of my newer computers and see what I thought had been lost when I upgraded.
12. Celebration. Please be advised that July is National Baked Bean Month. (I'm sure that Larry the Cable Guy will have something to say.. or do.. about that.)
...................................................................................................................
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Breakthroughs and Insights
It's amazing what one can learn in just one week's time. From pants to crocs, from Rush to Ozzie, and from Futball to cockroaches.
01. Hope for men everywhere: Ladies, have you noticed that your husband has started to carry a basketball around his waist? Some men (present company excluded of course) develop a little (?) paunch when they reach a certain age. This presents a big problem, because if a man used to have a 30 inch waist, but now, because of good living, measures 46 inches around that same waist, pants no longer fit him and he must either buy suspenders, or give up wearing pants altogether.
Now, there is good news for such men.. as shown in the June 2010 issue of Funny Times magazine, famed cartoonist Mark Parisi has let us see "slant-top pants". What a great idea! The back top of the pants are at what used to be the waist, and the belt area slants down to below the belly area, allowing a "melon carrier" to be fashionable and comfortable once more.
02. Short People again: On Wait Wait Don't Tell Me this week, it was reported that France's Sarkozy has now ordered that all of his bodyguards be shorter than his 5'5" stature. When will this end?
They also mentioned that Napoleon was taller than Monsieur Sarkozy at 5'6" or 5'7". That is a surprize to me.. and probably to all the other people who believed that Nappy was around 5' nothing. Hitler was 5'6". Mussilini was 5'6". Stalin was 5'6". Randy Newman might have been right. (But Charles DeGaulle was 6'5" as was our greatest President: Abraham Lincoln.)
03. The Privileged Class: Prior to Princess Diana's death, she and Fergie were observed poking people in the butt with their umbrellas at the Ascot races. (There is the beginning of a poem there, Brother Joe.)
04. American Pie?: GM recently put out a memo requesting that all employees refrain from calling the Chevrolet "Chevy"... too undignified? There were "Chevy" jars set up.. and whenever anyone said the dreaded word, they had to put a quarter in the jar.
My GM stock is now worth about 3 pennies total. I wonder if it will ever go back up again.
05. Beach buoys? Experts have now concluded that crocodiles surf.
In a related story, reptiles have now been banned from public streets, the beach, the boardwalk, alleys and sidewalks in Ocean City, Maryland.
06. Wedding daze: Rush Limbaugh has hired Elton John to perform at his upcoming wedding. He will be paying him one million dollars.
In a related story, it has been determined that orangutangs in the zoo get a bigger kick out of watching humans than humans get watching them.
07. Spelling: A young lady has won the National Spelling Bee. The word that won her the prize was "stromuhr"... my German analysis says this relates to "stream clock".. now what the hell is that? I guess if you are in the medical profession you would know that a "stromuhr" is "a rheometer designed to measure the amount and speed of blood flow through an artery."
OK, now what is a "rheometer"?
Speaking of "spelling", fortune tellers can now legally deceive their customers in Annapolis, Maryland.
08. Doctor, Doctor: The London Sunday Times has announced that Ozzie Osbourne will now be health advisor for their paper.
When Willie Nelson heard about it, he cut off his pigtails.
09. Where is Pele when we need him? I hear that the North Korean fussball team doesn't want to use the new type ball because it is "cursed".
Speaking of "cursed", I also hear that futball referees have been attending the "World Cup Cursing Class for Referees" so that they will know when to be offended and when to throw the "offenders" out of the game. (Or "East Enders?"
10. Heart Healthy: Somewhere I read that there is a new wine from the Netherlands called "Choco Vine". You can guess what that tastes like. I think that you could make your own recipe.. just take that half-eaten Valentines Day heart, melt it in a pan, and mix it with some cheap Burgundy wine, stick it in a wine glass, and drink it to get all the goodness of red wine combined with chocolate.
11. New Terrorist Tactic: It has been reported that terrorists are about to change their tactics.. since they are probably running out of idiots who want to self-destruct. The new tactic will be to leave empty boxes here and there... to annoy us.
12. Tim Conway story: Famous funny man, Tim Conway, told this story on NPR the other day. At a party, when he went into the rest room, he decided to wrap himself in toilet paper. After amusing the guests with "mummy" schtick, someone took a polaroid picture of him and pasted it onto his drivers license.
Tim stayed in his toilet paper suit to drive home.. he tried to drive a little fast so that he would be stopped. Sure enough, a State Trooper stopped him and asked for his license. Tim showed him the license with the picture pasted on. The trooper looked at the picture and then at Tim and said: "Ok, you can go, but try to drive a little slower."
This story is a lot like my Social Security monkeys story.. elsewhere within my blogs.
.... See ya!
01. Hope for men everywhere: Ladies, have you noticed that your husband has started to carry a basketball around his waist? Some men (present company excluded of course) develop a little (?) paunch when they reach a certain age. This presents a big problem, because if a man used to have a 30 inch waist, but now, because of good living, measures 46 inches around that same waist, pants no longer fit him and he must either buy suspenders, or give up wearing pants altogether.
Now, there is good news for such men.. as shown in the June 2010 issue of Funny Times magazine, famed cartoonist Mark Parisi has let us see "slant-top pants". What a great idea! The back top of the pants are at what used to be the waist, and the belt area slants down to below the belly area, allowing a "melon carrier" to be fashionable and comfortable once more.
02. Short People again: On Wait Wait Don't Tell Me this week, it was reported that France's Sarkozy has now ordered that all of his bodyguards be shorter than his 5'5" stature. When will this end?
They also mentioned that Napoleon was taller than Monsieur Sarkozy at 5'6" or 5'7". That is a surprize to me.. and probably to all the other people who believed that Nappy was around 5' nothing. Hitler was 5'6". Mussilini was 5'6". Stalin was 5'6". Randy Newman might have been right. (But Charles DeGaulle was 6'5" as was our greatest President: Abraham Lincoln.)
03. The Privileged Class: Prior to Princess Diana's death, she and Fergie were observed poking people in the butt with their umbrellas at the Ascot races. (There is the beginning of a poem there, Brother Joe.)
04. American Pie?: GM recently put out a memo requesting that all employees refrain from calling the Chevrolet "Chevy"... too undignified? There were "Chevy" jars set up.. and whenever anyone said the dreaded word, they had to put a quarter in the jar.
My GM stock is now worth about 3 pennies total. I wonder if it will ever go back up again.
05. Beach buoys? Experts have now concluded that crocodiles surf.
In a related story, reptiles have now been banned from public streets, the beach, the boardwalk, alleys and sidewalks in Ocean City, Maryland.
06. Wedding daze: Rush Limbaugh has hired Elton John to perform at his upcoming wedding. He will be paying him one million dollars.
In a related story, it has been determined that orangutangs in the zoo get a bigger kick out of watching humans than humans get watching them.
07. Spelling: A young lady has won the National Spelling Bee. The word that won her the prize was "stromuhr"... my German analysis says this relates to "stream clock".. now what the hell is that? I guess if you are in the medical profession you would know that a "stromuhr" is "a rheometer designed to measure the amount and speed of blood flow through an artery."
OK, now what is a "rheometer"?
Speaking of "spelling", fortune tellers can now legally deceive their customers in Annapolis, Maryland.
08. Doctor, Doctor: The London Sunday Times has announced that Ozzie Osbourne will now be health advisor for their paper.
When Willie Nelson heard about it, he cut off his pigtails.
09. Where is Pele when we need him? I hear that the North Korean fussball team doesn't want to use the new type ball because it is "cursed".
Speaking of "cursed", I also hear that futball referees have been attending the "World Cup Cursing Class for Referees" so that they will know when to be offended and when to throw the "offenders" out of the game. (Or "East Enders?"
10. Heart Healthy: Somewhere I read that there is a new wine from the Netherlands called "Choco Vine". You can guess what that tastes like. I think that you could make your own recipe.. just take that half-eaten Valentines Day heart, melt it in a pan, and mix it with some cheap Burgundy wine, stick it in a wine glass, and drink it to get all the goodness of red wine combined with chocolate.
11. New Terrorist Tactic: It has been reported that terrorists are about to change their tactics.. since they are probably running out of idiots who want to self-destruct. The new tactic will be to leave empty boxes here and there... to annoy us.
12. Tim Conway story: Famous funny man, Tim Conway, told this story on NPR the other day. At a party, when he went into the rest room, he decided to wrap himself in toilet paper. After amusing the guests with "mummy" schtick, someone took a polaroid picture of him and pasted it onto his drivers license.
Tim stayed in his toilet paper suit to drive home.. he tried to drive a little fast so that he would be stopped. Sure enough, a State Trooper stopped him and asked for his license. Tim showed him the license with the picture pasted on. The trooper looked at the picture and then at Tim and said: "Ok, you can go, but try to drive a little slower."
This story is a lot like my Social Security monkeys story.. elsewhere within my blogs.
.... See ya!
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Number 200. From Mozart to Tipper Gore.
Since this is my 200th blog entry, I may get a little carried away, but not far.
01. Eine kleine Scheissmusik! Sewer workers in Berlin are playing Mozart 's music to keep microbes happy so they continue to do their job by breaking down sludge. Those Germans seem to always be on the forefront of technology.
02. Bird drops: Indian police have arrested a pigeon for supposedly spying for Pakistan. Were they given a tip by a stool pigeon?
03. Oklahoma 1: An Oklahoma artist has presented his work, which contains a representation of the Virgin Mary holding a knife and a hand grenade, and also a nun wielding a machine gun. Even Dali didn't dare to do that.
04. Oklahoma 2: An Oklahoma prison has issued clown suits to their inmates. That way, if they escape, they will be immediately recognisable, especially by 7 year olds coming home from the circus. Maybe, if a few of the prisoners escape together they can commandeer a small volkswagen getaway car and avoid detection.
Speaking of the circus: e.e. cummings wrote "Damn everything but the circus!...damn everything that is grim, dull, motionless, unrisking, inward turning, ... damn everything that won't get into the circle, that won't enjoy, that won't throw its heart into the tension, surprise, fear and delight of the circus, the round world, the full existence..."
One of these days, I'll write about my experiences as a circus worker.
I have read that some prisons are already giving the prisoners pink "uniforms" to wear. And, of course, some of them like pink, and there is nothing wrong with that.
05. Crossword puzzler is puzzled: Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me reports that an 89 year old crossword puzzler in Britain was surprized when he looked for crossword help on the Internet. He keyed in the definition which read: Wild Asian ass. The answer looked for was: onager. Guess what he got back.
06. Golden Girl Gone: I was saddened to read that Rue McClanahan has passed away. I really enjoyed her many tv rolls, especially her part in the Golden Girls. She was younger than I am!
(I think she was married 36 times. I could be wrong. But she was pretty enough to catch the eye of many men.) Now, only Betty White is left from that great show, which, of course, can be seen every night at 2 am on most local tv stations.
07. Low cost safety: One can now buy a fake flickering tv for around $30. This can be left on when you are sleeping or away on a trip. A burgler, looking to break in, will supposedly see the blinking from the faux tv and go pick on somebody else.
08. Oh, Oh! Subway has announce that they will now begin to "tessellate" the cheese on their sandwiches. Won't that make them heavy and hard on false teeth?
09. Green Side Up! Two million "Shrek" glasses are being recalled because of excess cadmium in the glass. Too much gray pigment? Perhaps they could be dumped into the BP hole.
10. Gimme a call! Tony Robbins, a famous motivational speaker, has offered his telephone number for one million dollars. That will allow the buyer to call him up for advice anytime of the day or night. (You can have my number for a lot less.)
Speaking of telephone numbers: A friend of our family used to call often to speak to my wife and when I answered, she would say: "Hello, big boy!" in a sexy voice. One day, a business person called and left a number at which to be called. I misdialed the number, and a sexy voice said: "Hello, big boy!" and started to say, "Welcome to the ....... sex line." I quickly hung up because I didn't want such a charge to show up on the telephone bill. But.... I swear both sexy voices were from the same person. I had always wondered what our friend did for a living.. now I think I knew. My wife would not let me mention the situation to her friend.
11. God is watching you! The teacher at a religious high school was fired for joining an atheist group on the Internet. She joined at home, using her own computer, so the question is: How did the school administrator know that she had joined?
12. Speaking of the Internet: It was sad to hear that Al and Tipper Gore were going to call it quits after 40 years of marriage. It'll be interesting to hear what Leno and Letterman make out of this. There are so many possibilities to weave keywords in: global warming and ky jelly, the Internet and Tipper (I mean Twitter), etc etc. Its tough to be in public life and have a private life. Good luck to them.
........................................................
01. Eine kleine Scheissmusik! Sewer workers in Berlin are playing Mozart 's music to keep microbes happy so they continue to do their job by breaking down sludge. Those Germans seem to always be on the forefront of technology.
02. Bird drops: Indian police have arrested a pigeon for supposedly spying for Pakistan. Were they given a tip by a stool pigeon?
03. Oklahoma 1: An Oklahoma artist has presented his work, which contains a representation of the Virgin Mary holding a knife and a hand grenade, and also a nun wielding a machine gun. Even Dali didn't dare to do that.
04. Oklahoma 2: An Oklahoma prison has issued clown suits to their inmates. That way, if they escape, they will be immediately recognisable, especially by 7 year olds coming home from the circus. Maybe, if a few of the prisoners escape together they can commandeer a small volkswagen getaway car and avoid detection.
Speaking of the circus: e.e. cummings wrote "Damn everything but the circus!...damn everything that is grim, dull, motionless, unrisking, inward turning, ... damn everything that won't get into the circle, that won't enjoy, that won't throw its heart into the tension, surprise, fear and delight of the circus, the round world, the full existence..."
One of these days, I'll write about my experiences as a circus worker.
I have read that some prisons are already giving the prisoners pink "uniforms" to wear. And, of course, some of them like pink, and there is nothing wrong with that.
05. Crossword puzzler is puzzled: Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me reports that an 89 year old crossword puzzler in Britain was surprized when he looked for crossword help on the Internet. He keyed in the definition which read: Wild Asian ass. The answer looked for was: onager. Guess what he got back.
06. Golden Girl Gone: I was saddened to read that Rue McClanahan has passed away. I really enjoyed her many tv rolls, especially her part in the Golden Girls. She was younger than I am!
(I think she was married 36 times. I could be wrong. But she was pretty enough to catch the eye of many men.) Now, only Betty White is left from that great show, which, of course, can be seen every night at 2 am on most local tv stations.
07. Low cost safety: One can now buy a fake flickering tv for around $30. This can be left on when you are sleeping or away on a trip. A burgler, looking to break in, will supposedly see the blinking from the faux tv and go pick on somebody else.
08. Oh, Oh! Subway has announce that they will now begin to "tessellate" the cheese on their sandwiches. Won't that make them heavy and hard on false teeth?
09. Green Side Up! Two million "Shrek" glasses are being recalled because of excess cadmium in the glass. Too much gray pigment? Perhaps they could be dumped into the BP hole.
10. Gimme a call! Tony Robbins, a famous motivational speaker, has offered his telephone number for one million dollars. That will allow the buyer to call him up for advice anytime of the day or night. (You can have my number for a lot less.)
Speaking of telephone numbers: A friend of our family used to call often to speak to my wife and when I answered, she would say: "Hello, big boy!" in a sexy voice. One day, a business person called and left a number at which to be called. I misdialed the number, and a sexy voice said: "Hello, big boy!" and started to say, "Welcome to the ....... sex line." I quickly hung up because I didn't want such a charge to show up on the telephone bill. But.... I swear both sexy voices were from the same person. I had always wondered what our friend did for a living.. now I think I knew. My wife would not let me mention the situation to her friend.
11. God is watching you! The teacher at a religious high school was fired for joining an atheist group on the Internet. She joined at home, using her own computer, so the question is: How did the school administrator know that she had joined?
12. Speaking of the Internet: It was sad to hear that Al and Tipper Gore were going to call it quits after 40 years of marriage. It'll be interesting to hear what Leno and Letterman make out of this. There are so many possibilities to weave keywords in: global warming and ky jelly, the Internet and Tipper (I mean Twitter), etc etc. Its tough to be in public life and have a private life. Good luck to them.
........................................................
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Dear Me!
Early this afternoon, Elaine saw a lone deer come through the tall grass in back of our house and make a kind of cave within the grass. We had never seen a lone deer since we moved here. They always travel in groups of between 5 and 9.
We thought that maybe she got lost or was dying and wanted to be alone.
After watching her for a long time, Elaine noticed that another creature was suddenly sharing her cave. She had given birth to a little baby deer. Although just born, the little guy was able to walk on his wobbly legs and she had a hard time keeping him from wandering off.
She spent a long time washing him off and must have gotten him fairly clean when Elaine noticed another little creature in the grass cave. She had given birth to two baby deer. The second one is not as brave as the first one and seems to be content to lay there and get licked.
Well, there it is.. the wonder of birth! The cycle of life. Ain't it great!
.................................
We thought that maybe she got lost or was dying and wanted to be alone.
After watching her for a long time, Elaine noticed that another creature was suddenly sharing her cave. She had given birth to a little baby deer. Although just born, the little guy was able to walk on his wobbly legs and she had a hard time keeping him from wandering off.
She spent a long time washing him off and must have gotten him fairly clean when Elaine noticed another little creature in the grass cave. She had given birth to two baby deer. The second one is not as brave as the first one and seems to be content to lay there and get licked.
Well, there it is.. the wonder of birth! The cycle of life. Ain't it great!
.................................
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Take the Good with the Bad
This has been some week! A lot of computer activity has been keeping me busy.
01. Vista on my Laptop. My laptop went dead a couple of days ago. I love my laptop, except for VISTA that is installed. Every few weeks, it stops functioning and I must try everything I can think of in the hopes that it will start up again. Usually, it takes about 50 or 60 starts, restarts, reconfigurations, various key combinations... etc etc to get it going again.
The first time it malfunctioned, I called the manufacturer and he had me take the thing apart and manipulate some internal stuff.. that didn't work, so I sent it off to him .. and lost the use of the thing for weeks.
The next time it happened, I was able to take it back to the basic way it was when I bought it; thereby losing all the stuff that I had added since the fix.
The next time it happened.. I tried all of the combination of things that I mentioned above.. and, magically, it started up again after a couple of days, without any loss. So now, I just anticipate it bombing out again.. I cuss and threaten it with a toss out of the window.. and then start my unreasoned regime of starts, restarts, etc etc. (And, you know, I was a computer programmer for years.. now, only a young person knows how to really work these new machines; us old dudes, with our old brains can't really get a handle on the new technology).
02. Beautiful new website! The Marriotts Ridge High School came through and created a new website for the Social Security Alumni Association. It was released a couple of days ago. Now, some of us will go to the High School and get some lessons on how to maintain the site. Kind of exciting. Damn smart, these HS kids!
03. Hacker! Some other smart person figured out how to access one of my email sites and sent Viagra ads to everybody, living and dead who I had ever communicated with by EMAIL. So, I got the opportunity to spend lots of time doing damage control.. that means contacting the living persons and sending them apologies. I complained to my email provider, MSN and changed my password, but I don't know if that is enough to stop this clown.
One good thing that came out of this problem was that I heard from a Massachusetts cousin that I thought had passed away. Also, I got a couple of "thank you" messages from some older men friends.
04. Blog Book. Those of you who remember Allen's Alley, might remember the little guy with the "Big Old Wife" who kept a "Bird Book." Well, I learned that I can keep a "Blog Book." Now, since I am now the Patriarch of the Arthur S. Vaughan Progeny family, I am going to bind some of my blogs so that future Vaughan genealogists can have an easier time finding out just what we all were about in the late 20th and early 21st centuries.
For quite a small sum, Google will bind selected blog entries. Hardbound at that!
Perhaps I can take my notes for the book I have been writing for a while and put them out on a blog and then get them published that way for a rather cheap price. We'll see. (Incidentally, my story will be about my experiences in four years in the Air Force. I know, it sounds boring, but you might be surprised.)
05. Quaker Voices. Elaine's daughter Emily and her son-in-law, Mat, have created a CD for the Friends School in Baltimore, which Emily attended. Elaine and I listened to it last night and it sounded very well done. The school was founded before the US Constitution was written and has maintained its Quaker values of peace, equality, and truth, among other virtues for all the years since then.
The comments on the CD reminded me of when I attended Quaker Meeting in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts as a young boy. The building was similar to the Dunker Church that we saw recently on a visit to the Antietam Civil War battle site. Pews arranged in a square around a pot-bellied stove. Women set on one side, men on the other.
Nobody spoke until the spirit moved. Sometimes nobody spoke for over an hour and young boys like me had better not nod off, because there was a little old grouchy looking man in the back with a long pole that he used to bop the nodders on the head with.
06. Mini Garden of Eatin': We set up an "earthbox" a couple of weeks ago with three small plants: zuchini, squash, and cucumbers. The zuchini plant is now gigantic and it looks like blossoms are getting ready to pop. The squash plant got bottom rot and I pulled it today. The cucumber plant is holding its own even though greatly overshadowed by the zuke.
Next, I sent for three more "earthboxes" and I spent a lot of time today filling them with potting mixture, dolomite and fertilizer. Now we have to decide what plants to put in the boxes. We already have four large pots of tomatoes (one of which already has three green tomatoes growing.)
Elaine wants to plant dill, lettuce, cucumber and another tomato.
We also bought another upside down tomato plant holder. The one we had last year worked out pretty well for small tomatoes.. and then the holder disintegrated in the winter's heavy snow.
07. Mark Twain! Did I mention that I left my library book out in the rain and I had to try to buy another one to replace it? One of Amazon's sources had a copy and is mailing it to me. The book is (of course) Mark Twain by Ron Powers. Ron's style of writing is a lot like Mark Twain's. I guess that is the way he planned it.
Reading this book about Mr. Clemens' life has inspired me to reread all of his books, but especially his Innocents Abroad. I'm afraid that I did not appreciate it when I read it last. Now that I have learned some background information about the book, I should enjoy it more.
08. Martin Gardner: Speaking of background information. One reads Alice in Wonderland.. and then one reads The Annotated Alice by Martin Garner. Enough said.
Mr. Gardner died this week. I had a very distant puzzler's relationship with this interesting guy.
09. Mr. Mencken: "Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends." Think about that for a while.
10. Watching us? Check out Sky and Telescope magazine for June 1958, page 414 for pictures of a white cross observed on the moon on 11/26/56.
Incidentally, people who would like to help map the moon are being offered the job.
11. Bible study: I'm told that Shakespeare wrote the 46th psalm.
The 46th word from the beginning is "Shake" and the 46th word from the end is "Spears".
(Not in the Douay version) (King James?)
12. The answer is: 9W. The question is: Herr Wagner, do you spell your name with a "V"?
.......................................
01. Vista on my Laptop. My laptop went dead a couple of days ago. I love my laptop, except for VISTA that is installed. Every few weeks, it stops functioning and I must try everything I can think of in the hopes that it will start up again. Usually, it takes about 50 or 60 starts, restarts, reconfigurations, various key combinations... etc etc to get it going again.
The first time it malfunctioned, I called the manufacturer and he had me take the thing apart and manipulate some internal stuff.. that didn't work, so I sent it off to him .. and lost the use of the thing for weeks.
The next time it happened, I was able to take it back to the basic way it was when I bought it; thereby losing all the stuff that I had added since the fix.
The next time it happened.. I tried all of the combination of things that I mentioned above.. and, magically, it started up again after a couple of days, without any loss. So now, I just anticipate it bombing out again.. I cuss and threaten it with a toss out of the window.. and then start my unreasoned regime of starts, restarts, etc etc. (And, you know, I was a computer programmer for years.. now, only a young person knows how to really work these new machines; us old dudes, with our old brains can't really get a handle on the new technology).
02. Beautiful new website! The Marriotts Ridge High School came through and created a new website for the Social Security Alumni Association. It was released a couple of days ago. Now, some of us will go to the High School and get some lessons on how to maintain the site. Kind of exciting. Damn smart, these HS kids!
03. Hacker! Some other smart person figured out how to access one of my email sites and sent Viagra ads to everybody, living and dead who I had ever communicated with by EMAIL. So, I got the opportunity to spend lots of time doing damage control.. that means contacting the living persons and sending them apologies. I complained to my email provider, MSN and changed my password, but I don't know if that is enough to stop this clown.
One good thing that came out of this problem was that I heard from a Massachusetts cousin that I thought had passed away. Also, I got a couple of "thank you" messages from some older men friends.
04. Blog Book. Those of you who remember Allen's Alley, might remember the little guy with the "Big Old Wife" who kept a "Bird Book." Well, I learned that I can keep a "Blog Book." Now, since I am now the Patriarch of the Arthur S. Vaughan Progeny family, I am going to bind some of my blogs so that future Vaughan genealogists can have an easier time finding out just what we all were about in the late 20th and early 21st centuries.
For quite a small sum, Google will bind selected blog entries. Hardbound at that!
Perhaps I can take my notes for the book I have been writing for a while and put them out on a blog and then get them published that way for a rather cheap price. We'll see. (Incidentally, my story will be about my experiences in four years in the Air Force. I know, it sounds boring, but you might be surprised.)
05. Quaker Voices. Elaine's daughter Emily and her son-in-law, Mat, have created a CD for the Friends School in Baltimore, which Emily attended. Elaine and I listened to it last night and it sounded very well done. The school was founded before the US Constitution was written and has maintained its Quaker values of peace, equality, and truth, among other virtues for all the years since then.
The comments on the CD reminded me of when I attended Quaker Meeting in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts as a young boy. The building was similar to the Dunker Church that we saw recently on a visit to the Antietam Civil War battle site. Pews arranged in a square around a pot-bellied stove. Women set on one side, men on the other.
Nobody spoke until the spirit moved. Sometimes nobody spoke for over an hour and young boys like me had better not nod off, because there was a little old grouchy looking man in the back with a long pole that he used to bop the nodders on the head with.
06. Mini Garden of Eatin': We set up an "earthbox" a couple of weeks ago with three small plants: zuchini, squash, and cucumbers. The zuchini plant is now gigantic and it looks like blossoms are getting ready to pop. The squash plant got bottom rot and I pulled it today. The cucumber plant is holding its own even though greatly overshadowed by the zuke.
Next, I sent for three more "earthboxes" and I spent a lot of time today filling them with potting mixture, dolomite and fertilizer. Now we have to decide what plants to put in the boxes. We already have four large pots of tomatoes (one of which already has three green tomatoes growing.)
Elaine wants to plant dill, lettuce, cucumber and another tomato.
We also bought another upside down tomato plant holder. The one we had last year worked out pretty well for small tomatoes.. and then the holder disintegrated in the winter's heavy snow.
07. Mark Twain! Did I mention that I left my library book out in the rain and I had to try to buy another one to replace it? One of Amazon's sources had a copy and is mailing it to me. The book is (of course) Mark Twain by Ron Powers. Ron's style of writing is a lot like Mark Twain's. I guess that is the way he planned it.
Reading this book about Mr. Clemens' life has inspired me to reread all of his books, but especially his Innocents Abroad. I'm afraid that I did not appreciate it when I read it last. Now that I have learned some background information about the book, I should enjoy it more.
08. Martin Gardner: Speaking of background information. One reads Alice in Wonderland.. and then one reads The Annotated Alice by Martin Garner. Enough said.
Mr. Gardner died this week. I had a very distant puzzler's relationship with this interesting guy.
09. Mr. Mencken: "Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends." Think about that for a while.
10. Watching us? Check out Sky and Telescope magazine for June 1958, page 414 for pictures of a white cross observed on the moon on 11/26/56.
Incidentally, people who would like to help map the moon are being offered the job.
11. Bible study: I'm told that Shakespeare wrote the 46th psalm.
The 46th word from the beginning is "Shake" and the 46th word from the end is "Spears".
(Not in the Douay version) (King James?)
12. The answer is: 9W. The question is: Herr Wagner, do you spell your name with a "V"?
.......................................
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Weekly Dozen
Well, I'm almost to my 200th blog entry. It's hard to believe that I've gone on so long. Just call me "motor mouth". (Some biblical stuff mixed in today.)
01. Soggy? Some one has invented Beer Chips. Its sliced potatoes, covered with salt and sugar and soaked in beer before final preparation. The ad man said: "It's a party in your mouth!" I guess it saves you the trouble of dipping your chips in your beer.
02. Fleeting idea: Why not breed a smaller flea that would therefore not bother animals and humans? Don't scoff. Don't they have flea circuses? So wouldn't these insect Barnums be able to do flea breeding?
(Why did Noah bring two fleas on the ark? Chiggers? Deer ticks? Sharks? Killer whales? Headlice?)
My friend, Ivan Gibbs, says that there is a tiny lice that just bothers the left ears of fleas. (or something like that)... and what about bedbugs, rats,
....music: "Old Noah he built him an ark, Old Noah, he built him an ark... etc etc."
03. Carroll County (Maryland) Headline from 1984: "Judge Burns Stable after Heart Attack."
04. Wisdom: Mark Twain said: "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18." (Wasn't there a movie about this recently?)
05. Where is he now? A couple of years ago Headlice Harry appeared on the scene. "Instant relief for headlice." (See Noah above)
06. RIP: A retired meter maid instructed a funeral home to set up a parking meter as a headstone for her when she died. It would be set to "Time Expired."
07. Burning question: How did Adam keep his figleaf on?
(By the way, did you know that the Bible talks about baseball? Genesis opens: "In the Big Inning..").
08. Ow!: Consumers' Reports mentions the following sign in a doctor's office: "Prostate Exam. Come in for a yearly prostate exam, get second one at same visit for free."
09. Closeness: Consumers' Reports also mentions the TwoDaLoo, which is a toilet that two people can use at the same time.. for $1,400. (May include a TV and iPod station.)
10. Important information:
Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine, was the first human being ever to wear an ear muff.
The Thames is called "Isis" while it flows through Oxford.
The ant never sleeps. (See Noah above.)
The first movie closeup caused panic when shown because the audience mistook it for a severed head.
There are 2,500,000 rivets in the Eifel Tower.
11. Confucious says: "Show-off always shown up in showdown."
Remember Charlie Chan? He was always quoting Confucious. I wonder if I can order old Charlie Chan movies from Netflix? Remember how he always flew into San Francisco on a China Clipper seaplane?
12. Twain again: Mark Twain once told a pompous clergyman that every word of his sermon was in a book he had at home. A dictionary.
............................................................................
01. Soggy? Some one has invented Beer Chips. Its sliced potatoes, covered with salt and sugar and soaked in beer before final preparation. The ad man said: "It's a party in your mouth!" I guess it saves you the trouble of dipping your chips in your beer.
02. Fleeting idea: Why not breed a smaller flea that would therefore not bother animals and humans? Don't scoff. Don't they have flea circuses? So wouldn't these insect Barnums be able to do flea breeding?
(Why did Noah bring two fleas on the ark? Chiggers? Deer ticks? Sharks? Killer whales? Headlice?)
My friend, Ivan Gibbs, says that there is a tiny lice that just bothers the left ears of fleas. (or something like that)... and what about bedbugs, rats,
....music: "Old Noah he built him an ark, Old Noah, he built him an ark... etc etc."
03. Carroll County (Maryland) Headline from 1984: "Judge Burns Stable after Heart Attack."
04. Wisdom: Mark Twain said: "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18." (Wasn't there a movie about this recently?)
05. Where is he now? A couple of years ago Headlice Harry appeared on the scene. "Instant relief for headlice." (See Noah above)
06. RIP: A retired meter maid instructed a funeral home to set up a parking meter as a headstone for her when she died. It would be set to "Time Expired."
07. Burning question: How did Adam keep his figleaf on?
(By the way, did you know that the Bible talks about baseball? Genesis opens: "In the Big Inning..").
08. Ow!: Consumers' Reports mentions the following sign in a doctor's office: "Prostate Exam. Come in for a yearly prostate exam, get second one at same visit for free."
09. Closeness: Consumers' Reports also mentions the TwoDaLoo, which is a toilet that two people can use at the same time.. for $1,400. (May include a TV and iPod station.)
10. Important information:
Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine, was the first human being ever to wear an ear muff.
The Thames is called "Isis" while it flows through Oxford.
The ant never sleeps. (See Noah above.)
The first movie closeup caused panic when shown because the audience mistook it for a severed head.
There are 2,500,000 rivets in the Eifel Tower.
11. Confucious says: "Show-off always shown up in showdown."
Remember Charlie Chan? He was always quoting Confucious. I wonder if I can order old Charlie Chan movies from Netflix? Remember how he always flew into San Francisco on a China Clipper seaplane?
12. Twain again: Mark Twain once told a pompous clergyman that every word of his sermon was in a book he had at home. A dictionary.
............................................................................
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Droid 101
Well, I finally did it. I obtained a "DROID" from Verizon. I'm liking it already even though I had a rocky start. I wanted to get an IPHONE, but my history record with AT&T has also been rocky. So, I got what is considered by some people to be equivalent. Can I share some of my experiences so far?
01. Get the DROID! Verizon would not sell me the phone until my current 2 year committment was up .. otherwise, I would have had to pay close to $700. Waiting, I would then only have to pay between $100 and $200 (after rebates of course). When I walked into the Verizon store I was asked to wait another ten days so that I could get even more rebates. That was nice of them.
When I got the DROID, I asked for the manual and was given a tiny "get started" booklet. Not enough information. I called Verizon and after 30 minutes of chit-chat with an automaton, I was connected to a nice human guy who told me how to download a manual from Motorola, the maker of the DROID.
02. You called? On my first day with the DROID, and before I got the manual, I received a call from a nice elderly lady. It was a wrong number and she apologized. After the call, I looked at the call log and there was an entry for the wrong number, so I decided to delete it like I sometimes did with my old cell phone. Suddenly the DROID came alive and dialed that lady. I apologized.
As I tried to close the phone app, DROID dialed her again.. and again.. and again.. I apologized.. I apologized.. I apologized.
Finally, I must have hit the right combination of keys (touches) and the phone app went away.
I decided not to do any phone calling until I read the manual. Meanwhile, someone called and I was afraid to answer it.. much later, when I figured out how to hear my messages, I found out that the call was from my sister, who was in Baltimore for the Preakness. Damn! I might have been able to meet with her.. but then it was too late and she was already back in New Bedford.
03. Scary DROID! When the DROID cycles on or off.. an eerie Twilight Zone voice says its name.
And when it awakens from sleep time, a round Motorola sign appears and a searchlight beams out from the sign that looks just like Batman's sky signal. Very clever.
04. Take a Trip! I apparently don't know how to do the MAPS app yet. It knew my location and had it pinpointed as soon as I touched the icon. After that I plugged in a destination nearby and set it off.
A voice immediately came on to tell me the first direction to take. "Drive down Weller Way!" Since I did not need to hear it, I shut the DROID off.. or so I thought.
I left the room and the DROID was on the table near Elaine. All of a sudden, the voice came out of the DROID and gave the next direction "Turn on to Luther Drive!" And then it was silent again. It "scared the daylights out of her". (what a strange expression)
Five minutes later, the voice said: "Turn left at Old New Windsor Drive" and then shut up again.
I did everything I could think of the get this app to give up the ghost.. and I thought that I had been successful, when it shouted out: "Turn right at Route 31."
Eventually, I was able to shut it off.. but I still don't know how I did it.
So, as you can see, I am having fun with this gadget especially since the Internet access is extremely fast and the push out keyboard is better even than the one on my notebook pc.
.................................................................................................................................
01. Get the DROID! Verizon would not sell me the phone until my current 2 year committment was up .. otherwise, I would have had to pay close to $700. Waiting, I would then only have to pay between $100 and $200 (after rebates of course). When I walked into the Verizon store I was asked to wait another ten days so that I could get even more rebates. That was nice of them.
When I got the DROID, I asked for the manual and was given a tiny "get started" booklet. Not enough information. I called Verizon and after 30 minutes of chit-chat with an automaton, I was connected to a nice human guy who told me how to download a manual from Motorola, the maker of the DROID.
02. You called? On my first day with the DROID, and before I got the manual, I received a call from a nice elderly lady. It was a wrong number and she apologized. After the call, I looked at the call log and there was an entry for the wrong number, so I decided to delete it like I sometimes did with my old cell phone. Suddenly the DROID came alive and dialed that lady. I apologized.
As I tried to close the phone app, DROID dialed her again.. and again.. and again.. I apologized.. I apologized.. I apologized.
Finally, I must have hit the right combination of keys (touches) and the phone app went away.
I decided not to do any phone calling until I read the manual. Meanwhile, someone called and I was afraid to answer it.. much later, when I figured out how to hear my messages, I found out that the call was from my sister, who was in Baltimore for the Preakness. Damn! I might have been able to meet with her.. but then it was too late and she was already back in New Bedford.
03. Scary DROID! When the DROID cycles on or off.. an eerie Twilight Zone voice says its name.
And when it awakens from sleep time, a round Motorola sign appears and a searchlight beams out from the sign that looks just like Batman's sky signal. Very clever.
04. Take a Trip! I apparently don't know how to do the MAPS app yet. It knew my location and had it pinpointed as soon as I touched the icon. After that I plugged in a destination nearby and set it off.
A voice immediately came on to tell me the first direction to take. "Drive down Weller Way!" Since I did not need to hear it, I shut the DROID off.. or so I thought.
I left the room and the DROID was on the table near Elaine. All of a sudden, the voice came out of the DROID and gave the next direction "Turn on to Luther Drive!" And then it was silent again. It "scared the daylights out of her". (what a strange expression)
Five minutes later, the voice said: "Turn left at Old New Windsor Drive" and then shut up again.
I did everything I could think of the get this app to give up the ghost.. and I thought that I had been successful, when it shouted out: "Turn right at Route 31."
Eventually, I was able to shut it off.. but I still don't know how I did it.
So, as you can see, I am having fun with this gadget especially since the Internet access is extremely fast and the push out keyboard is better even than the one on my notebook pc.
.................................................................................................................................
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Weekly Dozen
Thanks to The Week magazine, Mensa news, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, NPR Radio and my experiences, there always seems to be 12 weird things to mention each week:
01. Eureka! At last the lightbulb shown over comic book characters when they have a great idea has been recognized as not just a comic convention. A recent study showed that when an ordinary light bulb is turned on over a person's head, they become more creative. (Flurescent bulbs don't work the same way. Neither do tulip bulbs.)
02. X-Ray Vison. Speaking of comics, the old comic books often had great offers to tempt young kids in order to grab their their ten cent allowances. These offers were usually in the back of the comic book and one of them was an advertisement for X-Ray glasses that could see through clothes.. "just like Superman!" Although tempted, I never gave in and I still wonder how those glasses worked.
Now, 60 or 70 years later, the dreams of adolescent boys have come true. At airports, there is equipment that does look right through clothes. Siegel and Shuster would be amazed that their Superman vision has become reality.
Recently, an airport employee filed suit to stop the teasing and ridicule he has received since he volunteered to try out the new "see through clothes" machine. Apparently, the machine saw more than he would have liked it to see.. while his co-workers looked on and began to laugh and make fun of parts of his anatomy.
03. Underclothes: Perhaps the airport guy should have been wearing lead-lined panty-hose. All kidding aside, there now is panty-hose for men, and, you guessed it, it's called "manty-hose".
Since women don't seem to want to wear panty-hose anymore, other uses must be developed for the ones that are left over. I found that if you took a pair of your wife's old panty-hose and cut the legs with scissors so that you made circular bands, they were ideal for staking us unruly tomato plants. Since I plan to have unruly tomato plants again this year, I will have to get more panty-hose to cut up. This is a problem for some single men.. There is no way that a non-quiche eating man would purchase ladies' underwear. (I'm assuming that "manty-hose" isn't on the market yet. I could be wrong.)
04. Equal Rights: Even though this blog is getting dangerously close to scatology, I must continue for a bit. Congress, this week, has been debating the "Potty Parity Law".. this law would require future Government structures to have enough Ladie's Rooms so that they would not have to wait in long lines. I don't know if this will apply also to public entertainment places like Baltimore's beautiful Lyric Theater. When I attended the opera at the Lyric, the men got into and out of the men's room in seconds, while the ladies were still waiting in line when the curtain rose for the second act. Bigger ladie's rooms or more ladie's rooms.. one or the other is needed, or both.
05. Lung cancer: I was driving down East Main Street in Westminster, Maryland the other day. It was a beautiful Spring day and many people were walking around the downtown of this very safe city. But I noticed that a large number of these strollers had white tubes in their mouths. I also noticed that fellow automobile drivers were also smoking, and many were talking on their cell phones while they smoked and drove. Didn't they get the message?
In 1974, I saw a message printed on a cigarette package, and even though I smoked a pipe and cigars at the time, it caught my attention. It read: "Smoking causes lung cancer." That light bulb that I mentioned went off over my head and I threw away my pipe, tobacco, and cigars, and haven't smoked again.. that was after smoking since my eleventh birthday. I got the message.
06. Oil Spill: Did a Blowout Preventer not work? BP says yes.
07. Cat's Paw: Scientists have determined that male cats are left-pawed, and female cats are right-pawed.
08. Another use for Panty Hose: I forgot this one. You can keep your onions fresh in panty-hose. (Which might be why Manty-Hose has been developed. ... Sorry.)
09. Playboy: Hugh Heffner says that he is planning to have a 3D version of the Playboy magazine. Will that come out before or after the Braille edition?
10. Oldie but goodie! Betty White at 88 years was a smash on Saturday Night Live. She got them the highest ratings they have ever had. She is a treasure and a natural born comic. Who said that old-timers must be neither seen nor heard?
11. Apocalypse soon? Somebody left me a little comic book that was not very "comic". The gist of it is that the Pope will take over the world and set himself up as the Anti-God, and everyone who is not "saved" will be cast into a lake of fire as the true angry God destroys the world. The cover page shows some chubby devils running away yelling "NO". I would suggest that the people who put out this booklet relax and sit back and stop scaring gullible people.
12. Telephone scripts: Once again, I goofed and thought that I could get something done over the phone. I called my telephone company to ask why my bill was $2 more this month than last month. The call went something like this:
Robot Voice: Good morning. Please listen to our menu, as it has changed. Say or press the number .
Joe Vaughan: Two, billing.
RV: I'm sorry, I did not understand.
JV: Two.
RV: I did not understand. Please press the number.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid, please press the number you desire.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid. What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: Please press the letters on the keypad.
JV: joseph vaughan
RV: I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Hello. Please listen to the menu choices, as they have changed.
JV: Five
RV: I'm sorry I did not understand.
JV: 5
RV: That is not a valid choice. I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: &%^$!!)&!!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: To hell with it!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: Good bye!
RV: Thank you for contacting us. We look forward to continuing our telephone services with you.
................................................................................................................................
01. Eureka! At last the lightbulb shown over comic book characters when they have a great idea has been recognized as not just a comic convention. A recent study showed that when an ordinary light bulb is turned on over a person's head, they become more creative. (Flurescent bulbs don't work the same way. Neither do tulip bulbs.)
02. X-Ray Vison. Speaking of comics, the old comic books often had great offers to tempt young kids in order to grab their their ten cent allowances. These offers were usually in the back of the comic book and one of them was an advertisement for X-Ray glasses that could see through clothes.. "just like Superman!" Although tempted, I never gave in and I still wonder how those glasses worked.
Now, 60 or 70 years later, the dreams of adolescent boys have come true. At airports, there is equipment that does look right through clothes. Siegel and Shuster would be amazed that their Superman vision has become reality.
Recently, an airport employee filed suit to stop the teasing and ridicule he has received since he volunteered to try out the new "see through clothes" machine. Apparently, the machine saw more than he would have liked it to see.. while his co-workers looked on and began to laugh and make fun of parts of his anatomy.
03. Underclothes: Perhaps the airport guy should have been wearing lead-lined panty-hose. All kidding aside, there now is panty-hose for men, and, you guessed it, it's called "manty-hose".
Since women don't seem to want to wear panty-hose anymore, other uses must be developed for the ones that are left over. I found that if you took a pair of your wife's old panty-hose and cut the legs with scissors so that you made circular bands, they were ideal for staking us unruly tomato plants. Since I plan to have unruly tomato plants again this year, I will have to get more panty-hose to cut up. This is a problem for some single men.. There is no way that a non-quiche eating man would purchase ladies' underwear. (I'm assuming that "manty-hose" isn't on the market yet. I could be wrong.)
04. Equal Rights: Even though this blog is getting dangerously close to scatology, I must continue for a bit. Congress, this week, has been debating the "Potty Parity Law".. this law would require future Government structures to have enough Ladie's Rooms so that they would not have to wait in long lines. I don't know if this will apply also to public entertainment places like Baltimore's beautiful Lyric Theater. When I attended the opera at the Lyric, the men got into and out of the men's room in seconds, while the ladies were still waiting in line when the curtain rose for the second act. Bigger ladie's rooms or more ladie's rooms.. one or the other is needed, or both.
05. Lung cancer: I was driving down East Main Street in Westminster, Maryland the other day. It was a beautiful Spring day and many people were walking around the downtown of this very safe city. But I noticed that a large number of these strollers had white tubes in their mouths. I also noticed that fellow automobile drivers were also smoking, and many were talking on their cell phones while they smoked and drove. Didn't they get the message?
In 1974, I saw a message printed on a cigarette package, and even though I smoked a pipe and cigars at the time, it caught my attention. It read: "Smoking causes lung cancer." That light bulb that I mentioned went off over my head and I threw away my pipe, tobacco, and cigars, and haven't smoked again.. that was after smoking since my eleventh birthday. I got the message.
06. Oil Spill: Did a Blowout Preventer not work? BP says yes.
07. Cat's Paw: Scientists have determined that male cats are left-pawed, and female cats are right-pawed.
08. Another use for Panty Hose: I forgot this one. You can keep your onions fresh in panty-hose. (Which might be why Manty-Hose has been developed. ... Sorry.)
09. Playboy: Hugh Heffner says that he is planning to have a 3D version of the Playboy magazine. Will that come out before or after the Braille edition?
10. Oldie but goodie! Betty White at 88 years was a smash on Saturday Night Live. She got them the highest ratings they have ever had. She is a treasure and a natural born comic. Who said that old-timers must be neither seen nor heard?
11. Apocalypse soon? Somebody left me a little comic book that was not very "comic". The gist of it is that the Pope will take over the world and set himself up as the Anti-God, and everyone who is not "saved" will be cast into a lake of fire as the true angry God destroys the world. The cover page shows some chubby devils running away yelling "NO". I would suggest that the people who put out this booklet relax and sit back and stop scaring gullible people.
12. Telephone scripts: Once again, I goofed and thought that I could get something done over the phone. I called my telephone company to ask why my bill was $2 more this month than last month. The call went something like this:
Robot Voice: Good morning. Please listen to our menu, as it has changed. Say or press the number .
Joe Vaughan: Two, billing.
RV: I'm sorry, I did not understand.
JV: Two.
RV: I did not understand. Please press the number.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid, please press the number you desire.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid. What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: Please press the letters on the keypad.
JV: joseph vaughan
RV: I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Hello. Please listen to the menu choices, as they have changed.
JV: Five
RV: I'm sorry I did not understand.
JV: 5
RV: That is not a valid choice. I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: &%^$!!)&!!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: To hell with it!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: Good bye!
RV: Thank you for contacting us. We look forward to continuing our telephone services with you.
................................................................................................................................
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Dozen on May 9th 2010
It looks like it will be a beautiful cool and pleasant Mother's Day.
Today, I would like to talk about several things, including eyeballs, monkeys, coyotes, and money. (My goal with these blogs is to make your mind jump.)
01. Eyeballs: (If you don't want to get "grossed out", jump to item #02.) As you may have read here, I have developed macular degeneration (AMD) in my right eye and "see things as though through a glass darkly" with that eye. There are two kinds of AMD, dry and wet. Wet AMD means that new blood vessels are growing in your eye and they are leaking and covering a lot of visual area. I just found out that my AMD has developed into the wet kind and I have to get it treated quickly or my vision will get quite worse in that eye.
Treatment consists of injections of a healing substance (are your ready?) into the eyeball! As you can imagine.. this is not pleasant.. but necessary. So, I am writing this to suggest that, whatever your age, make sure that you visit an opthalmologist (a medical doctor, not just a lens maker guy) at least once each year to make sure you are not developing AMD or glaucoma. These conditions are usually, but not always, conditions for aging people. Also, AMD is hereditary. (Thanks for listening.)
02. Monkey business: Nebraska Zoo personnel were amazed to keep finding that their five orangatangs had escaped from their enclosure. The only way out was through a locked door. After a lot of investigation, they found that the boss orang (Fu Manchu) had secreted a 4" piece of wire around his teeth and was using it to pick the door's lock! And all these years I was congratulating myself for being able to pick locks with a paper clip.
03. Aliens again: The leader of one of the former Soviet Republics says that he was abducted by space aliens and was given a tour of their spaceship. Russian officials are investigating to find out if he gave them any state secrets.
Reminds me of the technician I worked with in Germany who reported that his wife would ask him questions every night when she thought he was asleep, trying to learn all about our secret radar installations.
04. Money talks: I'm amazed that our stock market computer systems are so fragile that they could be messed up by some guy typing "billion" for "million." You know, that somewhere, another guy is working up a plan to do the same thing in order to make himself a fast buck.
05. Coyotes: I've just learned that coyotes suddenly appeared on Cape Cod in the late 1970's. In order to do so, they would have had to swim the Cape Cod Canal or scurry across a long bridge.
06. Chinese English: Chinglish? Wait, Wait reports that some Chinese cities are trying to clean up their English signs that have been mis-translated: one can get an idea about that by reading instruction manuals for China-made items.
Reminds me of two stories:
A New York socialite always wore a Chinese coin around her neck as a necklace. She always wondered what the chinese characters on the coin meant. One day, she asked the Chinese ambassador who was attending one of her soirees. He did not want to reply, but she insisted. The coin read: Admit one to the Hong Kong brothel.
An English-Russian translation program translated the following phrase:
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
It came out: The vodka is pretty good, but the meat is rancid.
07. Modesty: I've heard that the Virginia Attorney General is trying to get the State Seal cleaned up. He wants to put a cover on the bare breast of the Spirit of Virtue. Someone suggested that he might next try to change the State name to Ia.
08. Sarah: New phrase to take the place of "Drill, baby, drill" .. "Spill, baby, spill"
09. Lung cancer: The other day, I counted 15 people in one city block who were smoking as they walked along. The very high price of cigarettes and risk of lung cancer obviously hasn't bothered them. But (t) one doesn't see so many cigarette butts anymore; they must be smoking them way down because of the cost.
Remember the sign that used to be in men's rooms? "Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinals; it makes them soggy and hard to light."
Remember the phrase? "Many man smoke, but Fu Man Chu."
Remember Charlie Chan? Great movies. Get them on NetFlix.
10. Tight Quarters: Females will now be allowed to serve on submarines. Some of the atomic subs can stay submerged under the North Pole ice for months. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?
11. Schatzgeliebte! The Germans have developed a spray that makes men want to "cuddle". Does it last for four hours?
12. A match made in Heaven? Scientists have now determined that Neandertals (cave men) mated with Homo Sapiens (us guys) at some time in the deep dark past. (Geico could have told them that already.)
........................................................................................................
Today, I would like to talk about several things, including eyeballs, monkeys, coyotes, and money. (My goal with these blogs is to make your mind jump.)
01. Eyeballs: (If you don't want to get "grossed out", jump to item #02.) As you may have read here, I have developed macular degeneration (AMD) in my right eye and "see things as though through a glass darkly" with that eye. There are two kinds of AMD, dry and wet. Wet AMD means that new blood vessels are growing in your eye and they are leaking and covering a lot of visual area. I just found out that my AMD has developed into the wet kind and I have to get it treated quickly or my vision will get quite worse in that eye.
Treatment consists of injections of a healing substance (are your ready?) into the eyeball! As you can imagine.. this is not pleasant.. but necessary. So, I am writing this to suggest that, whatever your age, make sure that you visit an opthalmologist (a medical doctor, not just a lens maker guy) at least once each year to make sure you are not developing AMD or glaucoma. These conditions are usually, but not always, conditions for aging people. Also, AMD is hereditary. (Thanks for listening.)
02. Monkey business: Nebraska Zoo personnel were amazed to keep finding that their five orangatangs had escaped from their enclosure. The only way out was through a locked door. After a lot of investigation, they found that the boss orang (Fu Manchu) had secreted a 4" piece of wire around his teeth and was using it to pick the door's lock! And all these years I was congratulating myself for being able to pick locks with a paper clip.
03. Aliens again: The leader of one of the former Soviet Republics says that he was abducted by space aliens and was given a tour of their spaceship. Russian officials are investigating to find out if he gave them any state secrets.
Reminds me of the technician I worked with in Germany who reported that his wife would ask him questions every night when she thought he was asleep, trying to learn all about our secret radar installations.
04. Money talks: I'm amazed that our stock market computer systems are so fragile that they could be messed up by some guy typing "billion" for "million." You know, that somewhere, another guy is working up a plan to do the same thing in order to make himself a fast buck.
05. Coyotes: I've just learned that coyotes suddenly appeared on Cape Cod in the late 1970's. In order to do so, they would have had to swim the Cape Cod Canal or scurry across a long bridge.
06. Chinese English: Chinglish? Wait, Wait reports that some Chinese cities are trying to clean up their English signs that have been mis-translated: one can get an idea about that by reading instruction manuals for China-made items.
Reminds me of two stories:
A New York socialite always wore a Chinese coin around her neck as a necklace. She always wondered what the chinese characters on the coin meant. One day, she asked the Chinese ambassador who was attending one of her soirees. He did not want to reply, but she insisted. The coin read: Admit one to the Hong Kong brothel.
An English-Russian translation program translated the following phrase:
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
It came out: The vodka is pretty good, but the meat is rancid.
07. Modesty: I've heard that the Virginia Attorney General is trying to get the State Seal cleaned up. He wants to put a cover on the bare breast of the Spirit of Virtue. Someone suggested that he might next try to change the State name to Ia.
08. Sarah: New phrase to take the place of "Drill, baby, drill" .. "Spill, baby, spill"
09. Lung cancer: The other day, I counted 15 people in one city block who were smoking as they walked along. The very high price of cigarettes and risk of lung cancer obviously hasn't bothered them. But (t) one doesn't see so many cigarette butts anymore; they must be smoking them way down because of the cost.
Remember the sign that used to be in men's rooms? "Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinals; it makes them soggy and hard to light."
Remember the phrase? "Many man smoke, but Fu Man Chu."
Remember Charlie Chan? Great movies. Get them on NetFlix.
10. Tight Quarters: Females will now be allowed to serve on submarines. Some of the atomic subs can stay submerged under the North Pole ice for months. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?
11. Schatzgeliebte! The Germans have developed a spray that makes men want to "cuddle". Does it last for four hours?
12. A match made in Heaven? Scientists have now determined that Neandertals (cave men) mated with Homo Sapiens (us guys) at some time in the deep dark past. (Geico could have told them that already.)
........................................................................................................
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Weekly Stuff for May Day 2010
Today I want to cover a bunch of stuff that I find interesting. I'll keep the long stuff for the end so that readers can quit early if they want to.
01. ET?
Dr. Hawkings says that we should not be so anxious to look for alien life. Remember what happened to the Indian population of the New World when Europeans discovered them.
Someone on Wait, Wait said that if aliens happen to land their space crafts in Arizona, they will be immediately arrested as being undocumented and we won't have to worry about them any more.
02. I Feel the Earth Move...
That Iranian cleric who said that women wearing sexy clothing was causing earthquakes was right. As a group of women were protesting his statements, an earthquake of 6.5 magnitude hit Taiwan.
03. Phoney Fido?
Does anyone remember when leashes were sold for invisible dogs? When was that? In the 1970? Now that there are a couple of generations who did not have the experience of paying lots of money to walk an invisible dog may be willing to kick in a few bucks to do so. Hey, somebody could become a millionaire with this ploy. I wonder where all those left-over leashes are being held. In a storage room with pet rocks?
04. WC?
At the local Ag Center, the rest room for ladies is labeled: Ladie's and the rest room for men is labeled: Men. What happens in Scotland? Women: Ladies' and men: Laddies.
Is Men's a valid usage? Is Ladie's a valid usage? Is Lady's a valid usage? Men Room? Women Room? Rest room? Who cares?
05. A Statement?
I have a blue Toyota Rav-4. I think that it must be a drawing card for nasty birds, because almost every morning I find that birds have left calling cards all over it. Now, I can kind of understand that the birds around my home like to poop on my car and I can live with that.. but why is it that when I park in a large parking lot at a super market or department store, when I come out of the store, I find that my car has been visited by those nasty birds... but none of the other cars in the vicinity have been soiled?
Is this getting even for me chasing cat birds away from my blue berries every year at my last home?
06. They have found me again.
Once again this week, Republican organizations have sent me letters stating how much they think of me and appointing me to some kind of local committee, as soon as they receive a contribution between $15 and $1,000. Last week, it was the Democrats. They must both have the same fund raising companies working for them.
With these letters, I get "have you stopped beating your wife?" type questions from both parties, although the Republicans are the most virolent. As an Independent, I was hoping not to get these stupid requests for money. As a former member of one of the parties, I got only one letter of these types, from that party.. now, I get them from both sides.
I hear that the Republican party in California is paying an $8 bounty for every new member that is signed up. (Shades of what they said about Acorn?)
07. The greatest invention!
This is the 30th anniversary of the Post-it note. What a wonderful tool. What did we do before? It's hard to remember. Paper clips? Staples? Corner folds? I buy the little yellow ones, about 1 1/2" by 2". I love them. I buy them by the gross. The story of its invention is interesting. American ingenuity.
08. Well done!
I hear that fuel is being developed from meat. (Maybe those aliens mentioned above will come to earth to refuel with some of the billions of people being cultivated on this planet. Remember the SCI FI story, where the aliens drop off breeding couples on each earth-like planet as a long range food supply.)
09. Wisdom.
On Wait, Wait, someone stated a translation of a German phrase that should be considered by us in the U. S.
"When the rooster crows on the dung heap, the weather changes... or doesn't."
10. Incarceration figure.
The Drug Policy Alliance cites the fact that there are over 2 million Americans behind bars in the U.S., or 1 in every 99.1 adults. This is the highest incarceration rate in the world.
11. A Collection of Nouns
Carroll County Times writer, Sue Yingling, writes about collective nouns.
A peep of chickens.
A paddling of ducks.
A hover of hummingbirds.
An exultation of larks.
A wisdom of owls.
A pounce of cats.
A slither of snakes.
A giggle of girls.
A stumble of drunks.
A wad of paper.
I don't know if she made some of these up or not. Some years ago, I worked with a guy at the Social Security Administration named Bob Hale. When he wasn't doing the Government's bidding, he collected collective nouns like this. He had a very large collection.
Bob was an interesting guy. His great, great, great grandmother was Sarah Hale (see #12 below.) Bob ran a club for writers called "Wordsmiths" and I was priviledged to make a presentation to the group about one of the world's "bad boy" writers, the infamous Frank Harris. I've always wondered what became of Bob. (He's not on Facebook or Twitter and his name is too common to connect with on other search engines.)
12. Sarah Hale (1788 - 1879)
Bob Hale's famous relative had a number of interesting happenings connected with her name. She was instrumental in getting President Lincoln to declare a day of Thanksgiving in the U.S. in 1863. She was also editor of Ladies' Magazine and Godey's Lady's Book.
But her most famous accomplishment was as the author of the poem: Mary had a Little Lamb.
Most of us learn the first part of that poem, but there are two more parts. You can check them out on Google.
And to leave you with a smile (perhaps), you may remember the "take-off" verse:
Mary had a little lamb,
And the doctor darn near fainted.
.......................................................................................
.
01. ET?
Dr. Hawkings says that we should not be so anxious to look for alien life. Remember what happened to the Indian population of the New World when Europeans discovered them.
Someone on Wait, Wait said that if aliens happen to land their space crafts in Arizona, they will be immediately arrested as being undocumented and we won't have to worry about them any more.
02. I Feel the Earth Move...
That Iranian cleric who said that women wearing sexy clothing was causing earthquakes was right. As a group of women were protesting his statements, an earthquake of 6.5 magnitude hit Taiwan.
03. Phoney Fido?
Does anyone remember when leashes were sold for invisible dogs? When was that? In the 1970? Now that there are a couple of generations who did not have the experience of paying lots of money to walk an invisible dog may be willing to kick in a few bucks to do so. Hey, somebody could become a millionaire with this ploy. I wonder where all those left-over leashes are being held. In a storage room with pet rocks?
04. WC?
At the local Ag Center, the rest room for ladies is labeled: Ladie's and the rest room for men is labeled: Men. What happens in Scotland? Women: Ladies' and men: Laddies.
Is Men's a valid usage? Is Ladie's a valid usage? Is Lady's a valid usage? Men Room? Women Room? Rest room? Who cares?
05. A Statement?
I have a blue Toyota Rav-4. I think that it must be a drawing card for nasty birds, because almost every morning I find that birds have left calling cards all over it. Now, I can kind of understand that the birds around my home like to poop on my car and I can live with that.. but why is it that when I park in a large parking lot at a super market or department store, when I come out of the store, I find that my car has been visited by those nasty birds... but none of the other cars in the vicinity have been soiled?
Is this getting even for me chasing cat birds away from my blue berries every year at my last home?
06. They have found me again.
Once again this week, Republican organizations have sent me letters stating how much they think of me and appointing me to some kind of local committee, as soon as they receive a contribution between $15 and $1,000. Last week, it was the Democrats. They must both have the same fund raising companies working for them.
With these letters, I get "have you stopped beating your wife?" type questions from both parties, although the Republicans are the most virolent. As an Independent, I was hoping not to get these stupid requests for money. As a former member of one of the parties, I got only one letter of these types, from that party.. now, I get them from both sides.
I hear that the Republican party in California is paying an $8 bounty for every new member that is signed up. (Shades of what they said about Acorn?)
07. The greatest invention!
This is the 30th anniversary of the Post-it note. What a wonderful tool. What did we do before? It's hard to remember. Paper clips? Staples? Corner folds? I buy the little yellow ones, about 1 1/2" by 2". I love them. I buy them by the gross. The story of its invention is interesting. American ingenuity.
08. Well done!
I hear that fuel is being developed from meat. (Maybe those aliens mentioned above will come to earth to refuel with some of the billions of people being cultivated on this planet. Remember the SCI FI story, where the aliens drop off breeding couples on each earth-like planet as a long range food supply.)
09. Wisdom.
On Wait, Wait, someone stated a translation of a German phrase that should be considered by us in the U. S.
"When the rooster crows on the dung heap, the weather changes... or doesn't."
10. Incarceration figure.
The Drug Policy Alliance cites the fact that there are over 2 million Americans behind bars in the U.S., or 1 in every 99.1 adults. This is the highest incarceration rate in the world.
11. A Collection of Nouns
Carroll County Times writer, Sue Yingling, writes about collective nouns.
A peep of chickens.
A paddling of ducks.
A hover of hummingbirds.
An exultation of larks.
A wisdom of owls.
A pounce of cats.
A slither of snakes.
A giggle of girls.
A stumble of drunks.
A wad of paper.
I don't know if she made some of these up or not. Some years ago, I worked with a guy at the Social Security Administration named Bob Hale. When he wasn't doing the Government's bidding, he collected collective nouns like this. He had a very large collection.
Bob was an interesting guy. His great, great, great grandmother was Sarah Hale (see #12 below.) Bob ran a club for writers called "Wordsmiths" and I was priviledged to make a presentation to the group about one of the world's "bad boy" writers, the infamous Frank Harris. I've always wondered what became of Bob. (He's not on Facebook or Twitter and his name is too common to connect with on other search engines.)
12. Sarah Hale (1788 - 1879)
Bob Hale's famous relative had a number of interesting happenings connected with her name. She was instrumental in getting President Lincoln to declare a day of Thanksgiving in the U.S. in 1863. She was also editor of Ladies' Magazine and Godey's Lady's Book.
But her most famous accomplishment was as the author of the poem: Mary had a Little Lamb.
Most of us learn the first part of that poem, but there are two more parts. You can check them out on Google.
And to leave you with a smile (perhaps), you may remember the "take-off" verse:
Mary had a little lamb,
And the doctor darn near fainted.
.......................................................................................
.
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