A Real Cool Grannie

Anne Arundel County (Maryland) has ruled that it is not illegal to put a dead body in a freezer. Recently, an 83 year old grandmother was found on top of the frozen broccoli in a family freezer. She had died a few weeks earlier and the family decided to keep her "on ice" until they worked out the details of her funeral. This reminds me of several things.

For years, during the Winter, Alaskan women have been putting their dead husbands into snow drifts in their back yards to keep them handy for when the Spring thaw comes and the Social Security Field Rep visits. This is the "Proof of Death" that is necessary for them to file for Survivor's Benefits. (Some of my fellow workers at the Social Security Administration told me that this is absolutely true.)

My son is always kidding me (I hope!) that when the time comes, he will pick out a nice big ice floe to put me on, just like the eskimos do.

What to do with old folks is becoming a massive problem as our aged population soars. There are several options (besides the ice floes and freezers).

The aged (with money to keep) can stay in their homes and apartments until they die. The problem is, before they die, they may become unable to care for themselves, at which time they may go to live with relatives (if they have any), become residents at Nursing Homes, or have helpers come into their homes to help them (and in many cases, help themselves.)

The aged (with some money to give away) can go to live in a 55 and older community without assisted living. When they can't manage, they will have to find an assisted living facility that will take them in (and many will "take them in.") (I've found that people in these types of communities believe that they will never need help.)

The aged (with extra money to give away) can go to live in a 55 and older community with assisted living. In which case, when they can't manage, they will be able to get help for all of their normal needs. However, when they need medical help, they will have to find a Nursing Home. (I've found that people in these types of communities believe that assisted living will be all the help that they will ever need.)

The aged (with a lot of money to give away) can go to live in a Continuing Care Facility where Independent Living is automatically followed by Assisted Living, followed by Nursing Care, followed by a pine box. Some of these facilities will keep you even if you run out of money.

The aged (without money) can become homeless and look for heat-emitting sidewalk grates to sleep on until they die and go to a pauper's grave.

Thank God for Social Security. Most Senior Citizens now have some form of income. Before Social Security the average old person had nothing, and had to rely on the goodness of relatives or churches. However, even today many old people have to be very frugal with their income, often cutting prescription pills in half to make them last longer.

I've written this mainly to draw your attention to the decisions that must be made in our rapidly aging society. Hopefully, I have made you reconsider your own decision to let old Uncle Charlie finish out his days on a melting mass of ice or as a cryogenic specimen in someone's basement.