Sunny and warm. Nice Fall Day!
"Tous les jours, a tous points de vue, je vais de mieux en mieux."
Emile Coue (1858-1926) His formula at his Nancy clinic.
"Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better."
Every year, I let people know about items that they can consider as Christmas gifts. Some folks can't wait to see my "picks".. others don't give a damn, but here goes for Christmas in 2014:
(All of these items were found in Kotula's (The Guys with the Goods) Catalogue)
01. Orbitwheel.. portable transportation.
Large wheels that you fit on your feet to give you the thrill of a skateboard or inline skates. Can be easily taken on subways or in the car. Just step into the circles and begin to "go." Fun for ages 10+.
And only $99.99!)
02. Creature Pillow
Cuddly 4 foot long creatures keep the kiddies in blissful sleep. Choice of Large Mouth Bass, Dolphin, or the favorite Crocodile. Great for lounging or watching their live brethren on TV. What else could you get as good for 30 bucks??
03. Wine Rack
This is a marvelous piece of clothing. You won't believe it. Its a sports bra that holds a litre of your favorite booze. You can wear it anywhere you can image. The drinking tube is quite long, so you can sneak a swallow in any situation you could imagine... and best of all, nobody but your boyfriend will ever be the wiser. (only $29.99)
04. Sumo Bumpers
Imagine being able to experience the thrill of a confrontation between Sumo wrestlers.. that is just what awaits you if you wear the Sumo Bumper Bopper. Fill the bopper with air, step in and bop away with your friends. (a steal at $17.99)
05. Prohibition Killer
For only $24.99, you can be the proud owner of this enormous stainless steel flask. It holds an entire gallon of your favorite booze. It has a lifetime warranty.. however, the lifetime might be very short if you drank that gallon.. but it might be fun for a while. I wonder how you would fit this flask into your hip pocket? My grandfather would have loved this flask and would have snapped it up to hold the embalming fluid he was forced to drink during Prohibition.
06. Poo Poo Platter
No, not the Chinese version. This is an actual ceramic chip-and-dip plate with a center bowl that is shaped like... poo... Well, some folks might like it and spring for just $29.99 to be the life of the party for Honey Boo Boo's family.
07. Here it is, Ralphie! Finally!
The famous lamp that was displayed in "The Christmas Story".. Fishnet stocking, stiletto heel, fringed lampshade.. all that good stuff that thrilled Ralphie's father and bugged the hell out of his mother. On sale at $149.99!)
08. Mason Jar Stein
Why carry those heavy ceramic beer mugs during Oktoberfest? Instead, buy one of these mason jar beer steins.. each handled gem holds a half-gallon (64 ounces.. almost a six pack) of your favorite beer. Just think, you only have to fill it once and you are set for the night until you pass out or puke, whichever comes first, just like at Munich. ($19.99)
09. Cushy Tushy
I've saved the best for last. A painted cushion for the ladies. It holds a picture of a female backside with a tattoo and a minuscule red thong. The ad says that you will be getting a lot of attention at the next sporting event.. you can say that again! You will be getting a lot of attention at the next sporting event... ($19.99)
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Okay.. let's grab the catalogue and order these things before they are sold out!
Merry Christmas!
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1 comment:
Boy, Pop, I always thought you were hard to shop for. Now I know the truth - you want the roller skates or the crocodile cushion?
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