Religious Views

I can't believe that it has been over a month since I updated this blog.  I'll catch up by talking about Religion today.  I feel qualified to talk about that subject because I have been involved with a number of religions over the years (like Newt Gingrich?.. no, not quite like him).  I have been a Quaker, a Baptist, and an Atheist (among others).  My late wife was a Catholic and my kids were brought up as such.  My current partner is a Lutheran and I live in a community sponsored by that church.  I suspect that I am still considered a minister in the Church of the Modern Apostles, and I consider myself to be kind of  an agnostic Deist at the moment.. having been a computer programmer for many years, I seem to understand how a Demiurge might work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demiurge

Some of the most hypocritical people I have ever met were ordained ministers and priests.  Some of the least hypocritical people I have ever met were ordained ministers and priests.  I respect the rabbis and imams that I have met.  I do not like "yellow pages" that show only Christian businesses.  I do not think it was proper for Lowes to discontinue advertising on a "Muslim-related" reality show.  I know some wonderful people who do not conform to stereotypical male/female roles.

There you have it.  I've bared a lot of my soul.  As a member of the Toastmasters organization, you are taught to never use sex, politics or religion as a subject of a speech.  Baloney!  Those are the things that most people are interested in.  So.. here it goes with religion, I'll get back to the other two subjects in another blog entry:

Always start with a joke:

My friend, Sid Simon sez:  A little boy was looking through a family Bible and a leaf fell out that had been pressed.  His mother asked: "What is that?"  The boy replied: "I think it's Adam's underwear."

Roger Williams

I was surprised to read in the Smithsonian Magazine that "breakaway religion" guy and founder of Rhode Island, Roger Williams, in the last years of his life, worshipped at no church at all.  He had fought all of his life to allow everyone to worship as they pleased, and concluded finally that God's will was better interpreted by individuals than by institutions.  (Sounds like the theory of the Church of the Modern Apostles.) 

Thomas Jefferson

President Jefferson and several of the other founding fathers were Deists and convinced that there was that Demiurge I mentioned above.  Jefferson did feel that the teachings of Jesus were important and wrote The Jefferson Bible, The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth.  Beacon Press of Boston published a beautifully crafted copy of this work.  I bought my copy in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania at a Civil War book store. 

TWITTER?

I hear that even Ruppert Murdoch is now tweeting.  Does Pope Benedict tweet?  I had heard that the Vatican has a Facebook presence.  I went to Facebook and found POPE2YOU, a very interesting site for all persons with a religious interest.

Ecumenical?

In July of 2007, the Pope declared that Roman Catholicism is the only "real" Christian religion.  He said that Protestant churches "cannot be called 'churches' in the proper sense."  Hmmm.

Liturgical update?

I recently attended a memorial mass for a friend and was surprised to read a document to be followed during the mass.  It outlined changes approved this year by Catholic Bishops.  For instance:

1: Old Text: 
Priest: "The Lord be with you."        People:  "And  also with you."

New Text:
Priest: "The Lord be with you."        People:  "And also with your spirit."

2: Old Text:
"Glory to God in the highest, and peace to his people on earth."

New Text:
"Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to people of good will."

(I like the old text better.. it had a definite pleasant flow and rhythm that the new text does not.)

3: Old Text: (Nicene Creed)
"We believe..."

New Text:
"I believe..."

It was tough for us non-Catholics to get used to the non-Latin mass.  Now we'll have to get used to the new-English mass.

Converts?

I read where there are now 77 million members of the Anglican Church that was created by Henry VIII because of a snit with Rome over his desire to dump his wife and marry his mistress.  I also read that there is a schism developing among Anglicans over the election of women and gay bishops.. and the condoning of same-sex unions.

To capitalize on this, the Vatican is making it easier for Anglicans to "come home" to the Catholic church.  In fact, they will even be accepting married Anglican priests and seminarians.  (I thought that this was the case already..?)

Related Catholic stories on my blog:

If you are so inclined, you could do a search of this blog for a few religion-related stories:

Priest's dog attacks Joe.. "You ain't Catholic, are you?"

Same attack dog and Priest elope with our baby-sitter.

Joe takes Catholic in-laws up ladder and into the Choir Loft.

Joe grabs wife and runs out of church at wedding.

Future father-in-law yells: "He's not Catholic!!"

A religious story in the news:

Two muslim teen-agers were recently arrested in the U.S. for painting burkas on the posters of women thought by them to be "immodest".  They received probation and a fine.


The End of the World:

End of World: 1998:  Henry Hall predicted that the world would end in 1998 because 666 + 666 + 666 "equals 1998, you computer dummies!"

End of World: 2008:  The Lord's Witnesses also use convoluted numerology to predict the end on March 21, 2008.

End of World: 2011: Famous old Harold Camping predicted May 21, 2011.  "The Bible guarantees it!"

If you are interested in more of these End of World predictions, visit: http://www.abhota.info/end5.htm

Always finish with a joke:

A submission by The Orange Peel Gazette, East Baltimore, Maryland:

The preacher was dissatisfied with how little his congregation put in the collection plates on Sundays, so he learned hypnosis.  He began preaching his sermons in a monotone.  He swung a watch slowly in front of the lectern, and at the end of the sermon he said, "Give!" and the collection plate was soon full of twenty-dollar bills.

This worked for weeks.  The congregation sat mesmerized during the sermon, staring at the watch swinging, and when he said, "Give!" they gave everything they had.  Then one Sunday, at the end of the sermon, the chain on the watch broke, and the preacher said, "Oh, crap!"

........................................................................................................................

Happy New Apocalyptical Year!
.........................................................................................................................

September Madness

Last week was very sad, as we relived the events of 9/11/2001.  In spite of that horrible memory, life goes on.  I wonder if the hi-jackers received their promised virgins.. if so, I hope that they experience continuous post-coital depression until the end of time.

What makes some "human beings" believe that good will come out of killing innocent persons? Could there actually be a Satan making them act that way?  But everything I've ever read about Satan tells me that "Old Nick" is only concerned with amassing souls, not killing little babies.  (Wait a minute!  That's not a picture of Satan; it's a picture of a satyr!  Do you remember that old magazine:  the Satyr Dairy View?)

Of course, these hi-jackers were only amateurs when compared to famous mass-murderers like Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot.  Does Dante mention a spot in Hell for people like these?

Basta!  Let's jump to other topics in the news.

01.  The Bruins lose.

NPR reports that a bear broke into an automobile, somehow got it into reverse, and crashed into a tree.  I'd like to read that insurance claim.

The Week reports that when a dog owner saw a bear trying to tear her dachshund into edible pieces, she got mad and punched the bear in the nose.  The bear knew that he had met his match, dropped the dog, and ran for the hills.

02. Why is Fluffy crying?

You've heard of the Reader's Digest?  Well, some cat food apparently contains something called ''Animal Digest".  Years ago, that great magazine, Consumer Reports  contacted a cat food company service rep who said that "Animal Digest" is just is a combination of treated pork and chicken livers in powdered form, regardless of what flavor the package wording might indicate. Check it out.. I'm going to start reading the ingredients listed on SuZee's food, because I want her to get all the fish and meat carnivores like her deserve.

I read somewhere that if your house cat was bigger than you are, she would sooner or later be hungry enough to eat you.  Look at what happened in the Sigfried and Roy show. 

Also, have you ever noticed little insect legs on your carpet in the morning?  Apparently, cats like to eat crickets, but not their legs that have sharp barbs.

Speaking of crickets.. during the recent flooding rains, some crickets sneaked into our garage to avoid the water.  For a few days, they kept up a symphony of sounds.  I didn't bother them.. I couldn't find them anyway.. until the symphony stopped.  Their bodies can be found now.. apparently, they died of starvation.  Sad.

03. Lee sez:

"It never rains but what it stops."

04.  Justice

A jailbird is suing the Guiness Book of Records for not listing him as the person who has initiated the most law suits.  (over 4,000)

05.  Ideas

I don't remember where I got these ideas from, but I think they are designed to make life easier for persons with disabilities.. or older folks.

a.  Cut button holes in napkins.  (a great idea for anybody who keeps losing their napkins)
b.  Glue a knob onto a ruler (to make it easier to work with)
c.  At a restaurant, ask the chef to cut up your food.
d.  Put hooks on high cabinets.
e.  Use bungee cords for belts.. or, cut down, for shoe laces.

06.  Thought for the day

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness... and just be happy.

Guillaume Apollinaire (1880-1918)

07.  Ho Hum!

Why do we yawn?  I had always heard of two theories:

a.  We are simply tired and our bodies need more oxygen to be able to function. But why is it contagious?

b.  It is a warning signal that some problem is near, and the warning must be passed on, which is why yawns are contagious.

Now there is a new theory that yawning keeps people alert by cooling their brains.  In a test, people who held an ice pack to their foreheads when observing others yawn, did not get the urge to yawn.

Also, people who breathe exclusively through their nasal passages are supposedly immune to yawning contagion because blood vessels in the nasal cavity carry cooled blood to the brain.

08.  Words to live by

I think I have mentioned that in my youth I attended Quaker meetings and Baptist services.  In fact, at the age of 13, I was baptised at the First Baptist Church in New Bedford, Massachusetts.  The Baptists were rather strict, as I have outlined earlier in one of my blogs.  Someone once gave me what they called The Baptist Moral Code:  "Don't drink, smoke, or chew; and don't go with girls who do."

I recall that as soon as the services were over at the First Baptist Church, the men could not get out of the building fast enough so they could light up their cigarettes.  Go  figure.

09.  Politicians

Today, as I waited for my car to be serviced, I watched their big screen TV.  They had it tuned to CNN and Governor Perry of Texas was giving a lively speech to the students at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University in Virginia.  You remember the Governor.. he seems to me to be trying to be a carbon copy of George W. Bush.  Sounds like him.  Also, he says some things that are questionable, at least to me.  For instance, he says that Social Security is just a big old Ponzi scheme. 

You know.. I would be willing to bet that when the Gov turns 62, he will file for his Social Security benefits just like everyone else.  And.. it will still be in existence.. and the big earners will still be getting a free ride on the taxes on most of their big salaries.

Do you really think that people believe what the current crop of politicians say?  I believe it would be a sad commentary on the intelligence of our population, if that were true.

10.  Caught

I don't know where I read it, but it was reported that 27 well-known unfaithful politicians since President Clinton have said:  "I'm sorry!"

11.  All the news...

I haven't heard about what happened to Maryland Senator Ben Cardin's newspaper revitalization legislation.  This law would have given  non-profit status to newspapers.. to save them financially.  Newspapers are having trouble surviving, and this would supposedly help them.  I must admit, I am having trouble understanding the rationale for this. Newspapers in France are subsidised by the Government, but  I can't see that ever happening in the U.S.

12. Dick Cheney

I am reading In My Time by Dick Cheney.  It's an easy read, and not too controversial just yet.  I am at the part where he is telling how he gained more and more influence in the White House over the years. It seems to me.. and this is, of course, my opinion.. that he and his boss at one time, Don Rumsfeld, were "Loose Canons".. lots of power and not much concern with how it would affect John Doe.. I could be wrong.  I like one part where a big shot (read the book and find out who) had an Air Force plane fly a long distance to deliver some magazines that he wanted to read.  Mr. Cheney, to his credit, thought that this was a bit much.

.....................................................................................................................

Old and New, Borrowed and Blue (maybe)

Here's another dozen:

01. Prophetic. I'm trying to solve a crossword puzzle from 1943 and one of the clues states: "Chirping note." The answer, of course, is TWEET. (How did they know?)

02. Self-mutilation. Last year, at a WalMart store near Ocean City, I noticed that almost everyone, old and young, male and female, had tattoos. Last week, at a WalMart store in Westminster, Maryland, I noticed that almost everyone, old and young, male and female, had tattoos. I predict that the most lucrative profession in the year 2030 will be Tattoo Remover.

03. Methuselah? Former Illinois Governor, Rod Blagojevich, faces a total of 415 years in jail.

Do you remember those great lyrics:

Methuselah lived 900 years,
Old Methuselah lived 900 years,
But what use is livin'
When no woman will give in
To no man what's 900 years?

04. Retired? Who said this?

Somebody asked me: "What did you do today?
I said: "Nothing."
"But isn't that what you did yesterday?"
"Yes, but I wasn't finished."

05. Cholesterol: Would you go to the Australian restaurant where you are required to eat everything on your plate or be banished? Chef Ichikawa says he is serious about this.

Is that bad? "I say: Nay Nay!"

06. Somebody is watching you! I just read that General James Clapper (!) has been nominated to become coordinator of the 16 U.S. intelligence agencies. I hope that Jimmie will be able to get them coordinated enough to find Ben Ladin. (Maybe they already know where he is. If so, why don't they help the guys with hand grenades and samurai swords get to him. )

Question: how did that guy get on a US plane with his sword if I get stopped when my metal collar button sets off the metal detector?

07. Aging: I like this poem by Suzan L. Wiener, that was in Mature Living magazine.

You know you're getting older,
And this is true I guess,
When your life in the fast lane
Is now just the supermarket express.

08. Samuel Clemens: Mark Twain was known all over the West for the Celebrated Jumping Frog story, but when the New York Times published it so the East would know about him, they mis-named him Mark Swain.

09. Beam me up! I'm told that William Shattner auctioned off his kidney stone. I wonder how much he got for it.

10. Church stuff: Elaine likes to see the burrowing animals that inhabit the sloping lawns around the local Catholic church. She calls them: Holy Gophers.

Somebody told me that there is a Catholic church somewhere that is called "Lovely Bones".. I haven't checked it out yet.

Church names are interesting: When I went to a Quaker "church".. it was called the Friends Meeting House. What a nice name.. although it was misleading because if any of us young boys started to nod off waiting for the spirit to move someone to speak, we were subjected to a hearty crack on the head by a long pole-wielding unfriendly old-timer.

Later in my childhood, I went to the "First Baptist Church." I don't recall there being a "Second Baptist Church".. I'm sure there was somewhere. I'm also sure there was never a "Last Baptist Church." I could be wrong.

Some folks know that I was ordained in the Church of Modern Apostles in the 1970's. I still can legally perform weddings in the State of Florida. Actually, anybody can perform marriages in most states as long as the parties to the marriage get appropriate licenses.

11. Computers! (Watch it.. this is boring.. so just skip over it.) I have a lot of computers, partly because I never throw anything away. Let me give you an inventory:

A. One of the first laptops.. it weighs about twenty-five pounds. (Carry-on luggage?)

B. A laptop that I backed over in Massachusetts. It still works, except for the screen.

C. A replacement laptop, that has half of its screen messed up.. yes, I dropped it.

D. A desktop that is driving me crazy. I'm ready to throw it out the window. Its main function is as a network base. At least it actually does that ok.

E. A new laptop with VISTA. Every day it has a problem that takes me a long time to fix. But it has a very user-friendly keyboard, and I like it when it is working. Every once in a while it becomes unfixable and I have to restore it to its pristine condition and lose a lot of information.

F. A mini-laptop which was very cheap to buy and is easy to carry around and store. However, my fingers are a little too fat for the keyboard.. and pictures don't show up very well on the small screen.

G. A DROID. I like it, but it also has small keys.. my daughter-in-law gave me some tips about it and that has helped me learn to use it. The battery gets used up fast so I have to charge it up every evening. It takes nice pictures.

H. Three CPU's from earlier computers.. a technician says he can take all of the data from them and put it on a CD that I can then download/upload to one of my newer computers and see what I thought had been lost when I upgraded.

12. Celebration. Please be advised that July is National Baked Bean Month. (I'm sure that Larry the Cable Guy will have something to say.. or do.. about that.)
...................................................................................................................

Sunday Juice

I don't usually write about items in our local Westminster, Maryland newspaper (The Carroll County Times) but a few things in today's Sunday edition got my juices moving. (Some good juices and some bad juices.)

First, the bad juices:

01. The Associated Press reports that thousands of African albinos have gone into hiding after 58 have recently been killed and dismembered under the belief that albino body parts have magical powers. Up to $75,000 can be made by selling a complete dismembered set of parts.

Albinos normally have normal children. Albinism is hereditary, but only when both parents have albinism genes.

(Would it be feasible for the U.S. to offer refuge to albinos? They probably are not safe anywhere in Africa.)

02. The AP also reports that protesters are rioting in Geneva, Switzerland (of all places!). They are protesting the seventh WTO (World Trade Organization) Ministerial Conference, opening tomorrow. (I would like to know who is protesting, who is supporting them, why they are protesting, and what their demands are, if any.)

03. It was a homemade bomb that terrorists used to destroy a high-speed Russian train and the lives of 26 people. (What kind of mentality allows innocent people to be killed for any cause?)

04. Dwight Dingle passed away on November 26th, just a few days after the honorary Dwight Dingle Day in Carroll County. He ran the Maryland radio station devoted to the County and was instrumental in making it a communications device followed closely by almost everyone in the County. Dwight had a long and varied career in his 63 years of life.. it is a shame that he could not have at least another 20 years to do his good works.

A few years ago, I was privileged to meet Dwight and do a series of radio spots at his station. Dwight helped bring the details of Carroll County service agencies, like the ones I represented, to his listeners. (I was honored with induction into the Maryland Senior Citizen Hall of Fame last year, but I think that Dwight was far more qualified than I was and I'm sure that he would have been given that honor eventually, except for his very untimely death.)

05. Deer hunting season began yesterday. Last year over 100,000 deer were killed as well as several hunters. Please, hunters, find a way to freeze the meat (not human) you don't need so that poor people, at home, in institutions and in hospitals can get some protein.

06. A letter to the editor by a "religious" woman says: "God is not anti-sex. He is the one who initiated and blessed human sexuality. Yet, in my years of study, I have found no biblical support for the homosexual lifestyle...doesn't it seem odd that he (God) and his son Jesus are silent on the subject?... what the Bible does not tell me is so, is, well, not so."

Does the Bible say it is ok for priests to engage in "gang bangs" with children? It isn't mentioned in the Bible, yet even a Bishop's Group said this occurred, they are sorry for it, and will pay massive retribution.

This also begs the question: Where will the money come from to pay the claims? From the Priests or from the people? (As one of the richest organizations in the world, probably the sale of one bejeweled crown would handle the payment.)

Incidentally, at the time of Jesus' life, homosexual activity with boys was not frowned upon in the Roman/Helene world. I've read that Women were only used as "vessels for child bearing, a necessary function." Has the writer ever studied the writing and life of Saul/Paul/St. Paul? A Roman citizen in a Greek style world. Wasn't it Paul who wrote that spreaders of the Gospel should be celibate?

What I am trying to say with all of this is that "It ain't necessarily so. The things that you're liable, to read in the Bible. It ain't necessarily so."

The part of that song that I like the best is:

" Methuselah lived 900 years.
Yeah, old Methuselah lived 900 years.
But, what use is livin',
When no woman will give in,
To no man what's 900 years."

We know many gay couples and some are even bringing up beautiful, well-adjusted children. What the hell is wrong with that?

Well, I'll save my good juices for another blog. Thanks for listening.

Best "Wait, Wait" Halloween Show Yet?

Some of the topics for the October 31, 2009 "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" show were interesting. Zombies, beer, Barbie, toplessness in Disney film, hoaxes, Colonel Sanders, homelessness, golf, Halloween.

01. Beer: Officials at DC's FedEx Field admitted that they were selling beer in the men's restroom. (Is this is what is known as "The Cycle of Life".. ? It seems ecologically sound to me; however, it probably could be considered discrimination to women.)

02. Avoiding Discrimination to women: In response to a claim that women are left out of the President's athletic endeavors, President Obama played golf with a woman. (A number of other Presidents have also enjoyed sports with women.. although of a more intimate nature.)

03. Zombies: I learned that Zombies do not run, because they would snap their legs off at the ankle. Also, I learned that they may be organizing.. like Italian Americans, and Afro-Americans, they would be called Zombie-Americans.

04. Halloween: A man dressed himself as Colonel Sanders (KFC) and invaded the UN offices in New York. He even got so far as to meet the Secretary General before he got caught. Apparently, everyone thought that he probably was the head of some country that had had a military take-over.

(I remember great times when I was in elementary school when my Aunt Marjorie would get us kids together on Halloween and lead us into a dark cellar where she would pass around grapes and say they were eyes, licorice sticks and say they were ghost's hair.. you get the idea.. she would scare the daylights out of us.. and we loved it!)

(The first time that I went to a Halloween Party where grownups were, (First Baptist Church) I dressed as a clown magician. I had some simple pocket tricks and a deck of playing cards. As I was doing one of the card tricks I had practiced for hours, one of the "'church ladies" grabbed my cards, chewed me out, and made me leave. It took me a while to figure out that I was ousted because I had violated one of the Ten Commandments, in the view of the Church.)

05. Barbie: I hear that Barbie has a new boy friend... supposedly, he is called: "Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken."

06. Disney movies and Sex: It was mentioned that in one 1977 Disney movie, as some cute little animals are cavorting in a building, if you looked closely through one of the windows, you would see a topless woman.

Disney once made a movie called: "The Story of Menstruation", sponsored by Kotex.

07. Bed Clothes: It was reported that some bedding clothing company is making bedding that looks like the nighttime coverings of homeless people. You know, cardboard and newspapers and that sort of thing.

08. Surprise!: I learned that ex-President George W. Bush has started a new job as a motivational speaker! (His mother has been one for a while. I'm not sure about his father, who likes to spend his spare time jumping out of perfectly good airplanes.)

09. Thieves: A one-legged man stole one shoe... and was quickly caught.

And remember the dumbest burglers of the year: They disguised themselves by marking their faces using black markers. What these guys didn't realize was that these were "permanent" markers.. and they were also quickly caught.

... If you have never listened to "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me", do yourself a favor. It has to be the funniest program on the radio. If the broadcast time is bad for you, "google" the title and plug into their easy to find website where you can easily listen to the show whenever you want.

......................................................................................................................................

Religion

When I was in Toastmasters, we were told that there were three subjects we should avoid. Sex, religion and politics. Of course, these are the most interesting topics for adults in the United States, and the most discussed. Today I want to talk about religion.

My first religious experience was attending a quaker church in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts. If my memory serves me, the women and men were separated within a square around the central part of the church room. The children were segregated and watched over by an old man with a long stick. If the children started to fidget during the two hour "service", the old guy would tap the miscreants on the head with the stick to quiet them down.

Quaker meeting was very quiet. Everyone mediated upon their life and when the spirit moved them they would speak up. For instance, after 35 minutes of utter silence, Elder Smith might stand and up and say: "On Saturday, John Jones sold me a mule. The mule died the next day, and the Lord moved John and he refunded my money. Amen." And the congregation would respond: AMEN. Those meetings were tough times for young children.

My next religious experience occured when we street kids visited the downtown Salvation Army meeting hall. Once a week, we would listen to a sermon about morality, and then we could see movies, usually cartoons. We would watch them frontwards and then backwards.. we liked backwards the best. Between movies, we were expected to deposit ten cents into a collection plate that was passed around. Very few of us had ten cents, so, instead of depositing a dime, we would withdraw a dime.

A little time later, my cousin Charlie began to attend the First Baptist Church. His parents invited me to go along. When I entered the church, I noticed that they had a library! They had all of the copies of the Hardy Boys mysteries. I had been reading comic books up to this point, and now I just dropped them and began to read real books. I devoured them. Every day, I would read a Hardy Boy book to conclusion. I loved those stories.

Along the way, in addition to reading all the books in the library, I began to attend Sunday School. We were often given homework assignments. One was: memorize the books of the bible. At the time, I had unbelievable stage fright. I could not read two paragraphs in my schoolbooks without almost fainting. So, even though I had actually memorized the books of the Bible, and even though I could recite them backwards, I did not speak up, I was too scared.

Also, in the neighborhood I lived in at the time, it was not wise to be too smart.. so I played dumb a lot. After a while though, and because I bonded to a Sunday School teacher, I submitted to religious study and was baptised. This is a big thing in the Baptist religion, and those who have experienced it would probably never be afraid of waterboarding..

However, after Baptism I got a bit discouraged because the preacher unashamedly sat in his rocking chair each Sunday leering at my Aunt Mary. He really liked her, even though he was married, and at one point got her a spot with him on Sunday religious radio. He was supposed to answer questions phoned in by listeners. Actually, all of the questions were provided to my aunt Mary by him, to be phoned in to the show. She was supposed to disguise her voice each time. Somehow, this did not seem to me to be ethical.

In addition, the assistant Pastor at the time kept his window open in the early morning, as I delivered milk to his house. Some of the things he was saying to his wife were not what I expected a Pastor to say. However, to make up for it, every week he came forward when the word went out for sinners to repent.

Around this time, the men's club paid my way to a few weeks at a Baptist place in Maine called Royal Ambassador Camp. This was a nice place filled with the smell of pine trees. At this camp, the life of Paul was studied very closely and I still remember lots of the teachings. However, every night a couple of us would steal out after night fell and go to Old Orchard Beach and view whatever the equivalent of naughty videos were in those days. We never got caught.

The next preacher at the Baptist Church was more ethical than the former one, but he had some businesses in New Hampshire and spent most of his time up there instead of at the church. I lost track of him for four years while I was in the service in Germany. When I came back, I looked him up. He didn't remember me, but pretended to. He handed me an autographed bible and told me to get down on my knees and pray. I did so, but kept my eyes slightly open. As he quickly spoke a loud prayer, I saw him repeatedly glance at his watch and shake his head. As soon as he could, he grabbed my arm and hustled me out so that he could make his schedule for a trip to his holdings up north.

When I got married, since I wasn't Catholic like my wife, I agreed to bring my kids up in that religion, and I did so. When my son was born, my wife asked me to go to the Catholic Church and arrange for his baptism. I went to the Church that my wife went to and knocked on the door of a residence. A nun came to the door and told me that I needed to go to the rectory, which was three miles up the road.

I arrived at the rectory and knocked on the door. It was immediately opened and a German Shepherd suddenly grabbed my wrist in his mouth. I dared not move. Just then, a lady came out laughing and said: "You ain't Catholic are you?" She was right.

The young Priest that owned the dog came out and rescued me from his dog. We had a nice talk and he agreed to baptise my son.

I later found out that the Shephard was given to the priest by some friends of ours. (It's a small world. ) The priest went on a lot of Freedom Marches, and took the dog along for protection.

We were able to hire a wonderful young babysitter for my son. A beautiful girl who was part of a family with eleven children. She sat for us many times. One nite she didn't show up. We couldn't believe it because she was so conscientious. Later, we found out that the reason she didn't show up was because she had eloped with the young priest and his German Shephard. They spent a lot of time after that on protest trips down south.

So, this is probably the extent of my religious experience.. except for the fact that I am an ordained minister in the Church of the Modern Apostles. But that is another story.