Here's another dozen:
01. Prophetic. I'm trying to solve a crossword puzzle from 1943 and one of the clues states: "Chirping note." The answer, of course, is TWEET. (How did they know?)
02. Self-mutilation. Last year, at a WalMart store near Ocean City, I noticed that almost everyone, old and young, male and female, had tattoos. Last week, at a WalMart store in Westminster, Maryland, I noticed that almost everyone, old and young, male and female, had tattoos. I predict that the most lucrative profession in the year 2030 will be Tattoo Remover.
03. Methuselah? Former Illinois Governor, Rod Blagojevich, faces a total of 415 years in jail.
Do you remember those great lyrics:
Methuselah lived 900 years,
Old Methuselah lived 900 years,
But what use is livin'
When no woman will give in
To no man what's 900 years?
04. Retired? Who said this?
Somebody asked me: "What did you do today?
I said: "Nothing."
"But isn't that what you did yesterday?"
"Yes, but I wasn't finished."
05. Cholesterol: Would you go to the Australian restaurant where you are required to eat everything on your plate or be banished? Chef Ichikawa says he is serious about this.
Is that bad? "I say: Nay Nay!"
06. Somebody is watching you! I just read that General James Clapper (!) has been nominated to become coordinator of the 16 U.S. intelligence agencies. I hope that Jimmie will be able to get them coordinated enough to find Ben Ladin. (Maybe they already know where he is. If so, why don't they help the guys with hand grenades and samurai swords get to him. )
Question: how did that guy get on a US plane with his sword if I get stopped when my metal collar button sets off the metal detector?
07. Aging: I like this poem by Suzan L. Wiener, that was in Mature Living magazine.
You know you're getting older,
And this is true I guess,
When your life in the fast lane
Is now just the supermarket express.
08. Samuel Clemens: Mark Twain was known all over the West for the Celebrated Jumping Frog story, but when the New York Times published it so the East would know about him, they mis-named him Mark Swain.
09. Beam me up! I'm told that William Shattner auctioned off his kidney stone. I wonder how much he got for it.
10. Church stuff: Elaine likes to see the burrowing animals that inhabit the sloping lawns around the local Catholic church. She calls them: Holy Gophers.
Somebody told me that there is a Catholic church somewhere that is called "Lovely Bones".. I haven't checked it out yet.
Church names are interesting: When I went to a Quaker "church".. it was called the Friends Meeting House. What a nice name.. although it was misleading because if any of us young boys started to nod off waiting for the spirit to move someone to speak, we were subjected to a hearty crack on the head by a long pole-wielding unfriendly old-timer.
Later in my childhood, I went to the "First Baptist Church." I don't recall there being a "Second Baptist Church".. I'm sure there was somewhere. I'm also sure there was never a "Last Baptist Church." I could be wrong.
Some folks know that I was ordained in the Church of Modern Apostles in the 1970's. I still can legally perform weddings in the State of Florida. Actually, anybody can perform marriages in most states as long as the parties to the marriage get appropriate licenses.
11. Computers! (Watch it.. this is boring.. so just skip over it.) I have a lot of computers, partly because I never throw anything away. Let me give you an inventory:
A. One of the first laptops.. it weighs about twenty-five pounds. (Carry-on luggage?)
B. A laptop that I backed over in Massachusetts. It still works, except for the screen.
C. A replacement laptop, that has half of its screen messed up.. yes, I dropped it.
D. A desktop that is driving me crazy. I'm ready to throw it out the window. Its main function is as a network base. At least it actually does that ok.
E. A new laptop with VISTA. Every day it has a problem that takes me a long time to fix. But it has a very user-friendly keyboard, and I like it when it is working. Every once in a while it becomes unfixable and I have to restore it to its pristine condition and lose a lot of information.
F. A mini-laptop which was very cheap to buy and is easy to carry around and store. However, my fingers are a little too fat for the keyboard.. and pictures don't show up very well on the small screen.
G. A DROID. I like it, but it also has small keys.. my daughter-in-law gave me some tips about it and that has helped me learn to use it. The battery gets used up fast so I have to charge it up every evening. It takes nice pictures.
H. Three CPU's from earlier computers.. a technician says he can take all of the data from them and put it on a CD that I can then download/upload to one of my newer computers and see what I thought had been lost when I upgraded.
12. Celebration. Please be advised that July is National Baked Bean Month. (I'm sure that Larry the Cable Guy will have something to say.. or do.. about that.)
...................................................................................................................
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Breakthroughs and Insights
It's amazing what one can learn in just one week's time. From pants to crocs, from Rush to Ozzie, and from Futball to cockroaches.
01. Hope for men everywhere: Ladies, have you noticed that your husband has started to carry a basketball around his waist? Some men (present company excluded of course) develop a little (?) paunch when they reach a certain age. This presents a big problem, because if a man used to have a 30 inch waist, but now, because of good living, measures 46 inches around that same waist, pants no longer fit him and he must either buy suspenders, or give up wearing pants altogether.
Now, there is good news for such men.. as shown in the June 2010 issue of Funny Times magazine, famed cartoonist Mark Parisi has let us see "slant-top pants". What a great idea! The back top of the pants are at what used to be the waist, and the belt area slants down to below the belly area, allowing a "melon carrier" to be fashionable and comfortable once more.
02. Short People again: On Wait Wait Don't Tell Me this week, it was reported that France's Sarkozy has now ordered that all of his bodyguards be shorter than his 5'5" stature. When will this end?
They also mentioned that Napoleon was taller than Monsieur Sarkozy at 5'6" or 5'7". That is a surprize to me.. and probably to all the other people who believed that Nappy was around 5' nothing. Hitler was 5'6". Mussilini was 5'6". Stalin was 5'6". Randy Newman might have been right. (But Charles DeGaulle was 6'5" as was our greatest President: Abraham Lincoln.)
03. The Privileged Class: Prior to Princess Diana's death, she and Fergie were observed poking people in the butt with their umbrellas at the Ascot races. (There is the beginning of a poem there, Brother Joe.)
04. American Pie?: GM recently put out a memo requesting that all employees refrain from calling the Chevrolet "Chevy"... too undignified? There were "Chevy" jars set up.. and whenever anyone said the dreaded word, they had to put a quarter in the jar.
My GM stock is now worth about 3 pennies total. I wonder if it will ever go back up again.
05. Beach buoys? Experts have now concluded that crocodiles surf.
In a related story, reptiles have now been banned from public streets, the beach, the boardwalk, alleys and sidewalks in Ocean City, Maryland.
06. Wedding daze: Rush Limbaugh has hired Elton John to perform at his upcoming wedding. He will be paying him one million dollars.
In a related story, it has been determined that orangutangs in the zoo get a bigger kick out of watching humans than humans get watching them.
07. Spelling: A young lady has won the National Spelling Bee. The word that won her the prize was "stromuhr"... my German analysis says this relates to "stream clock".. now what the hell is that? I guess if you are in the medical profession you would know that a "stromuhr" is "a rheometer designed to measure the amount and speed of blood flow through an artery."
OK, now what is a "rheometer"?
Speaking of "spelling", fortune tellers can now legally deceive their customers in Annapolis, Maryland.
08. Doctor, Doctor: The London Sunday Times has announced that Ozzie Osbourne will now be health advisor for their paper.
When Willie Nelson heard about it, he cut off his pigtails.
09. Where is Pele when we need him? I hear that the North Korean fussball team doesn't want to use the new type ball because it is "cursed".
Speaking of "cursed", I also hear that futball referees have been attending the "World Cup Cursing Class for Referees" so that they will know when to be offended and when to throw the "offenders" out of the game. (Or "East Enders?"
10. Heart Healthy: Somewhere I read that there is a new wine from the Netherlands called "Choco Vine". You can guess what that tastes like. I think that you could make your own recipe.. just take that half-eaten Valentines Day heart, melt it in a pan, and mix it with some cheap Burgundy wine, stick it in a wine glass, and drink it to get all the goodness of red wine combined with chocolate.
11. New Terrorist Tactic: It has been reported that terrorists are about to change their tactics.. since they are probably running out of idiots who want to self-destruct. The new tactic will be to leave empty boxes here and there... to annoy us.
12. Tim Conway story: Famous funny man, Tim Conway, told this story on NPR the other day. At a party, when he went into the rest room, he decided to wrap himself in toilet paper. After amusing the guests with "mummy" schtick, someone took a polaroid picture of him and pasted it onto his drivers license.
Tim stayed in his toilet paper suit to drive home.. he tried to drive a little fast so that he would be stopped. Sure enough, a State Trooper stopped him and asked for his license. Tim showed him the license with the picture pasted on. The trooper looked at the picture and then at Tim and said: "Ok, you can go, but try to drive a little slower."
This story is a lot like my Social Security monkeys story.. elsewhere within my blogs.
.... See ya!
01. Hope for men everywhere: Ladies, have you noticed that your husband has started to carry a basketball around his waist? Some men (present company excluded of course) develop a little (?) paunch when they reach a certain age. This presents a big problem, because if a man used to have a 30 inch waist, but now, because of good living, measures 46 inches around that same waist, pants no longer fit him and he must either buy suspenders, or give up wearing pants altogether.
Now, there is good news for such men.. as shown in the June 2010 issue of Funny Times magazine, famed cartoonist Mark Parisi has let us see "slant-top pants". What a great idea! The back top of the pants are at what used to be the waist, and the belt area slants down to below the belly area, allowing a "melon carrier" to be fashionable and comfortable once more.
02. Short People again: On Wait Wait Don't Tell Me this week, it was reported that France's Sarkozy has now ordered that all of his bodyguards be shorter than his 5'5" stature. When will this end?
They also mentioned that Napoleon was taller than Monsieur Sarkozy at 5'6" or 5'7". That is a surprize to me.. and probably to all the other people who believed that Nappy was around 5' nothing. Hitler was 5'6". Mussilini was 5'6". Stalin was 5'6". Randy Newman might have been right. (But Charles DeGaulle was 6'5" as was our greatest President: Abraham Lincoln.)
03. The Privileged Class: Prior to Princess Diana's death, she and Fergie were observed poking people in the butt with their umbrellas at the Ascot races. (There is the beginning of a poem there, Brother Joe.)
04. American Pie?: GM recently put out a memo requesting that all employees refrain from calling the Chevrolet "Chevy"... too undignified? There were "Chevy" jars set up.. and whenever anyone said the dreaded word, they had to put a quarter in the jar.
My GM stock is now worth about 3 pennies total. I wonder if it will ever go back up again.
05. Beach buoys? Experts have now concluded that crocodiles surf.
In a related story, reptiles have now been banned from public streets, the beach, the boardwalk, alleys and sidewalks in Ocean City, Maryland.
06. Wedding daze: Rush Limbaugh has hired Elton John to perform at his upcoming wedding. He will be paying him one million dollars.
In a related story, it has been determined that orangutangs in the zoo get a bigger kick out of watching humans than humans get watching them.
07. Spelling: A young lady has won the National Spelling Bee. The word that won her the prize was "stromuhr"... my German analysis says this relates to "stream clock".. now what the hell is that? I guess if you are in the medical profession you would know that a "stromuhr" is "a rheometer designed to measure the amount and speed of blood flow through an artery."
OK, now what is a "rheometer"?
Speaking of "spelling", fortune tellers can now legally deceive their customers in Annapolis, Maryland.
08. Doctor, Doctor: The London Sunday Times has announced that Ozzie Osbourne will now be health advisor for their paper.
When Willie Nelson heard about it, he cut off his pigtails.
09. Where is Pele when we need him? I hear that the North Korean fussball team doesn't want to use the new type ball because it is "cursed".
Speaking of "cursed", I also hear that futball referees have been attending the "World Cup Cursing Class for Referees" so that they will know when to be offended and when to throw the "offenders" out of the game. (Or "East Enders?"
10. Heart Healthy: Somewhere I read that there is a new wine from the Netherlands called "Choco Vine". You can guess what that tastes like. I think that you could make your own recipe.. just take that half-eaten Valentines Day heart, melt it in a pan, and mix it with some cheap Burgundy wine, stick it in a wine glass, and drink it to get all the goodness of red wine combined with chocolate.
11. New Terrorist Tactic: It has been reported that terrorists are about to change their tactics.. since they are probably running out of idiots who want to self-destruct. The new tactic will be to leave empty boxes here and there... to annoy us.
12. Tim Conway story: Famous funny man, Tim Conway, told this story on NPR the other day. At a party, when he went into the rest room, he decided to wrap himself in toilet paper. After amusing the guests with "mummy" schtick, someone took a polaroid picture of him and pasted it onto his drivers license.
Tim stayed in his toilet paper suit to drive home.. he tried to drive a little fast so that he would be stopped. Sure enough, a State Trooper stopped him and asked for his license. Tim showed him the license with the picture pasted on. The trooper looked at the picture and then at Tim and said: "Ok, you can go, but try to drive a little slower."
This story is a lot like my Social Security monkeys story.. elsewhere within my blogs.
.... See ya!
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Number 200. From Mozart to Tipper Gore.
Since this is my 200th blog entry, I may get a little carried away, but not far.
01. Eine kleine Scheissmusik! Sewer workers in Berlin are playing Mozart 's music to keep microbes happy so they continue to do their job by breaking down sludge. Those Germans seem to always be on the forefront of technology.
02. Bird drops: Indian police have arrested a pigeon for supposedly spying for Pakistan. Were they given a tip by a stool pigeon?
03. Oklahoma 1: An Oklahoma artist has presented his work, which contains a representation of the Virgin Mary holding a knife and a hand grenade, and also a nun wielding a machine gun. Even Dali didn't dare to do that.
04. Oklahoma 2: An Oklahoma prison has issued clown suits to their inmates. That way, if they escape, they will be immediately recognisable, especially by 7 year olds coming home from the circus. Maybe, if a few of the prisoners escape together they can commandeer a small volkswagen getaway car and avoid detection.
Speaking of the circus: e.e. cummings wrote "Damn everything but the circus!...damn everything that is grim, dull, motionless, unrisking, inward turning, ... damn everything that won't get into the circle, that won't enjoy, that won't throw its heart into the tension, surprise, fear and delight of the circus, the round world, the full existence..."
One of these days, I'll write about my experiences as a circus worker.
I have read that some prisons are already giving the prisoners pink "uniforms" to wear. And, of course, some of them like pink, and there is nothing wrong with that.
05. Crossword puzzler is puzzled: Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me reports that an 89 year old crossword puzzler in Britain was surprized when he looked for crossword help on the Internet. He keyed in the definition which read: Wild Asian ass. The answer looked for was: onager. Guess what he got back.
06. Golden Girl Gone: I was saddened to read that Rue McClanahan has passed away. I really enjoyed her many tv rolls, especially her part in the Golden Girls. She was younger than I am!
(I think she was married 36 times. I could be wrong. But she was pretty enough to catch the eye of many men.) Now, only Betty White is left from that great show, which, of course, can be seen every night at 2 am on most local tv stations.
07. Low cost safety: One can now buy a fake flickering tv for around $30. This can be left on when you are sleeping or away on a trip. A burgler, looking to break in, will supposedly see the blinking from the faux tv and go pick on somebody else.
08. Oh, Oh! Subway has announce that they will now begin to "tessellate" the cheese on their sandwiches. Won't that make them heavy and hard on false teeth?
09. Green Side Up! Two million "Shrek" glasses are being recalled because of excess cadmium in the glass. Too much gray pigment? Perhaps they could be dumped into the BP hole.
10. Gimme a call! Tony Robbins, a famous motivational speaker, has offered his telephone number for one million dollars. That will allow the buyer to call him up for advice anytime of the day or night. (You can have my number for a lot less.)
Speaking of telephone numbers: A friend of our family used to call often to speak to my wife and when I answered, she would say: "Hello, big boy!" in a sexy voice. One day, a business person called and left a number at which to be called. I misdialed the number, and a sexy voice said: "Hello, big boy!" and started to say, "Welcome to the ....... sex line." I quickly hung up because I didn't want such a charge to show up on the telephone bill. But.... I swear both sexy voices were from the same person. I had always wondered what our friend did for a living.. now I think I knew. My wife would not let me mention the situation to her friend.
11. God is watching you! The teacher at a religious high school was fired for joining an atheist group on the Internet. She joined at home, using her own computer, so the question is: How did the school administrator know that she had joined?
12. Speaking of the Internet: It was sad to hear that Al and Tipper Gore were going to call it quits after 40 years of marriage. It'll be interesting to hear what Leno and Letterman make out of this. There are so many possibilities to weave keywords in: global warming and ky jelly, the Internet and Tipper (I mean Twitter), etc etc. Its tough to be in public life and have a private life. Good luck to them.
........................................................
01. Eine kleine Scheissmusik! Sewer workers in Berlin are playing Mozart 's music to keep microbes happy so they continue to do their job by breaking down sludge. Those Germans seem to always be on the forefront of technology.
02. Bird drops: Indian police have arrested a pigeon for supposedly spying for Pakistan. Were they given a tip by a stool pigeon?
03. Oklahoma 1: An Oklahoma artist has presented his work, which contains a representation of the Virgin Mary holding a knife and a hand grenade, and also a nun wielding a machine gun. Even Dali didn't dare to do that.
04. Oklahoma 2: An Oklahoma prison has issued clown suits to their inmates. That way, if they escape, they will be immediately recognisable, especially by 7 year olds coming home from the circus. Maybe, if a few of the prisoners escape together they can commandeer a small volkswagen getaway car and avoid detection.
Speaking of the circus: e.e. cummings wrote "Damn everything but the circus!...damn everything that is grim, dull, motionless, unrisking, inward turning, ... damn everything that won't get into the circle, that won't enjoy, that won't throw its heart into the tension, surprise, fear and delight of the circus, the round world, the full existence..."
One of these days, I'll write about my experiences as a circus worker.
I have read that some prisons are already giving the prisoners pink "uniforms" to wear. And, of course, some of them like pink, and there is nothing wrong with that.
05. Crossword puzzler is puzzled: Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me reports that an 89 year old crossword puzzler in Britain was surprized when he looked for crossword help on the Internet. He keyed in the definition which read: Wild Asian ass. The answer looked for was: onager. Guess what he got back.
06. Golden Girl Gone: I was saddened to read that Rue McClanahan has passed away. I really enjoyed her many tv rolls, especially her part in the Golden Girls. She was younger than I am!
(I think she was married 36 times. I could be wrong. But she was pretty enough to catch the eye of many men.) Now, only Betty White is left from that great show, which, of course, can be seen every night at 2 am on most local tv stations.
07. Low cost safety: One can now buy a fake flickering tv for around $30. This can be left on when you are sleeping or away on a trip. A burgler, looking to break in, will supposedly see the blinking from the faux tv and go pick on somebody else.
08. Oh, Oh! Subway has announce that they will now begin to "tessellate" the cheese on their sandwiches. Won't that make them heavy and hard on false teeth?
09. Green Side Up! Two million "Shrek" glasses are being recalled because of excess cadmium in the glass. Too much gray pigment? Perhaps they could be dumped into the BP hole.
10. Gimme a call! Tony Robbins, a famous motivational speaker, has offered his telephone number for one million dollars. That will allow the buyer to call him up for advice anytime of the day or night. (You can have my number for a lot less.)
Speaking of telephone numbers: A friend of our family used to call often to speak to my wife and when I answered, she would say: "Hello, big boy!" in a sexy voice. One day, a business person called and left a number at which to be called. I misdialed the number, and a sexy voice said: "Hello, big boy!" and started to say, "Welcome to the ....... sex line." I quickly hung up because I didn't want such a charge to show up on the telephone bill. But.... I swear both sexy voices were from the same person. I had always wondered what our friend did for a living.. now I think I knew. My wife would not let me mention the situation to her friend.
11. God is watching you! The teacher at a religious high school was fired for joining an atheist group on the Internet. She joined at home, using her own computer, so the question is: How did the school administrator know that she had joined?
12. Speaking of the Internet: It was sad to hear that Al and Tipper Gore were going to call it quits after 40 years of marriage. It'll be interesting to hear what Leno and Letterman make out of this. There are so many possibilities to weave keywords in: global warming and ky jelly, the Internet and Tipper (I mean Twitter), etc etc. Its tough to be in public life and have a private life. Good luck to them.
........................................................
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Dear Me!
Early this afternoon, Elaine saw a lone deer come through the tall grass in back of our house and make a kind of cave within the grass. We had never seen a lone deer since we moved here. They always travel in groups of between 5 and 9.
We thought that maybe she got lost or was dying and wanted to be alone.
After watching her for a long time, Elaine noticed that another creature was suddenly sharing her cave. She had given birth to a little baby deer. Although just born, the little guy was able to walk on his wobbly legs and she had a hard time keeping him from wandering off.
She spent a long time washing him off and must have gotten him fairly clean when Elaine noticed another little creature in the grass cave. She had given birth to two baby deer. The second one is not as brave as the first one and seems to be content to lay there and get licked.
Well, there it is.. the wonder of birth! The cycle of life. Ain't it great!
.................................
We thought that maybe she got lost or was dying and wanted to be alone.
After watching her for a long time, Elaine noticed that another creature was suddenly sharing her cave. She had given birth to a little baby deer. Although just born, the little guy was able to walk on his wobbly legs and she had a hard time keeping him from wandering off.
She spent a long time washing him off and must have gotten him fairly clean when Elaine noticed another little creature in the grass cave. She had given birth to two baby deer. The second one is not as brave as the first one and seems to be content to lay there and get licked.
Well, there it is.. the wonder of birth! The cycle of life. Ain't it great!
.................................
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Take the Good with the Bad
This has been some week! A lot of computer activity has been keeping me busy.
01. Vista on my Laptop. My laptop went dead a couple of days ago. I love my laptop, except for VISTA that is installed. Every few weeks, it stops functioning and I must try everything I can think of in the hopes that it will start up again. Usually, it takes about 50 or 60 starts, restarts, reconfigurations, various key combinations... etc etc to get it going again.
The first time it malfunctioned, I called the manufacturer and he had me take the thing apart and manipulate some internal stuff.. that didn't work, so I sent it off to him .. and lost the use of the thing for weeks.
The next time it happened, I was able to take it back to the basic way it was when I bought it; thereby losing all the stuff that I had added since the fix.
The next time it happened.. I tried all of the combination of things that I mentioned above.. and, magically, it started up again after a couple of days, without any loss. So now, I just anticipate it bombing out again.. I cuss and threaten it with a toss out of the window.. and then start my unreasoned regime of starts, restarts, etc etc. (And, you know, I was a computer programmer for years.. now, only a young person knows how to really work these new machines; us old dudes, with our old brains can't really get a handle on the new technology).
02. Beautiful new website! The Marriotts Ridge High School came through and created a new website for the Social Security Alumni Association. It was released a couple of days ago. Now, some of us will go to the High School and get some lessons on how to maintain the site. Kind of exciting. Damn smart, these HS kids!
03. Hacker! Some other smart person figured out how to access one of my email sites and sent Viagra ads to everybody, living and dead who I had ever communicated with by EMAIL. So, I got the opportunity to spend lots of time doing damage control.. that means contacting the living persons and sending them apologies. I complained to my email provider, MSN and changed my password, but I don't know if that is enough to stop this clown.
One good thing that came out of this problem was that I heard from a Massachusetts cousin that I thought had passed away. Also, I got a couple of "thank you" messages from some older men friends.
04. Blog Book. Those of you who remember Allen's Alley, might remember the little guy with the "Big Old Wife" who kept a "Bird Book." Well, I learned that I can keep a "Blog Book." Now, since I am now the Patriarch of the Arthur S. Vaughan Progeny family, I am going to bind some of my blogs so that future Vaughan genealogists can have an easier time finding out just what we all were about in the late 20th and early 21st centuries.
For quite a small sum, Google will bind selected blog entries. Hardbound at that!
Perhaps I can take my notes for the book I have been writing for a while and put them out on a blog and then get them published that way for a rather cheap price. We'll see. (Incidentally, my story will be about my experiences in four years in the Air Force. I know, it sounds boring, but you might be surprised.)
05. Quaker Voices. Elaine's daughter Emily and her son-in-law, Mat, have created a CD for the Friends School in Baltimore, which Emily attended. Elaine and I listened to it last night and it sounded very well done. The school was founded before the US Constitution was written and has maintained its Quaker values of peace, equality, and truth, among other virtues for all the years since then.
The comments on the CD reminded me of when I attended Quaker Meeting in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts as a young boy. The building was similar to the Dunker Church that we saw recently on a visit to the Antietam Civil War battle site. Pews arranged in a square around a pot-bellied stove. Women set on one side, men on the other.
Nobody spoke until the spirit moved. Sometimes nobody spoke for over an hour and young boys like me had better not nod off, because there was a little old grouchy looking man in the back with a long pole that he used to bop the nodders on the head with.
06. Mini Garden of Eatin': We set up an "earthbox" a couple of weeks ago with three small plants: zuchini, squash, and cucumbers. The zuchini plant is now gigantic and it looks like blossoms are getting ready to pop. The squash plant got bottom rot and I pulled it today. The cucumber plant is holding its own even though greatly overshadowed by the zuke.
Next, I sent for three more "earthboxes" and I spent a lot of time today filling them with potting mixture, dolomite and fertilizer. Now we have to decide what plants to put in the boxes. We already have four large pots of tomatoes (one of which already has three green tomatoes growing.)
Elaine wants to plant dill, lettuce, cucumber and another tomato.
We also bought another upside down tomato plant holder. The one we had last year worked out pretty well for small tomatoes.. and then the holder disintegrated in the winter's heavy snow.
07. Mark Twain! Did I mention that I left my library book out in the rain and I had to try to buy another one to replace it? One of Amazon's sources had a copy and is mailing it to me. The book is (of course) Mark Twain by Ron Powers. Ron's style of writing is a lot like Mark Twain's. I guess that is the way he planned it.
Reading this book about Mr. Clemens' life has inspired me to reread all of his books, but especially his Innocents Abroad. I'm afraid that I did not appreciate it when I read it last. Now that I have learned some background information about the book, I should enjoy it more.
08. Martin Gardner: Speaking of background information. One reads Alice in Wonderland.. and then one reads The Annotated Alice by Martin Garner. Enough said.
Mr. Gardner died this week. I had a very distant puzzler's relationship with this interesting guy.
09. Mr. Mencken: "Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends." Think about that for a while.
10. Watching us? Check out Sky and Telescope magazine for June 1958, page 414 for pictures of a white cross observed on the moon on 11/26/56.
Incidentally, people who would like to help map the moon are being offered the job.
11. Bible study: I'm told that Shakespeare wrote the 46th psalm.
The 46th word from the beginning is "Shake" and the 46th word from the end is "Spears".
(Not in the Douay version) (King James?)
12. The answer is: 9W. The question is: Herr Wagner, do you spell your name with a "V"?
.......................................
01. Vista on my Laptop. My laptop went dead a couple of days ago. I love my laptop, except for VISTA that is installed. Every few weeks, it stops functioning and I must try everything I can think of in the hopes that it will start up again. Usually, it takes about 50 or 60 starts, restarts, reconfigurations, various key combinations... etc etc to get it going again.
The first time it malfunctioned, I called the manufacturer and he had me take the thing apart and manipulate some internal stuff.. that didn't work, so I sent it off to him .. and lost the use of the thing for weeks.
The next time it happened, I was able to take it back to the basic way it was when I bought it; thereby losing all the stuff that I had added since the fix.
The next time it happened.. I tried all of the combination of things that I mentioned above.. and, magically, it started up again after a couple of days, without any loss. So now, I just anticipate it bombing out again.. I cuss and threaten it with a toss out of the window.. and then start my unreasoned regime of starts, restarts, etc etc. (And, you know, I was a computer programmer for years.. now, only a young person knows how to really work these new machines; us old dudes, with our old brains can't really get a handle on the new technology).
02. Beautiful new website! The Marriotts Ridge High School came through and created a new website for the Social Security Alumni Association. It was released a couple of days ago. Now, some of us will go to the High School and get some lessons on how to maintain the site. Kind of exciting. Damn smart, these HS kids!
03. Hacker! Some other smart person figured out how to access one of my email sites and sent Viagra ads to everybody, living and dead who I had ever communicated with by EMAIL. So, I got the opportunity to spend lots of time doing damage control.. that means contacting the living persons and sending them apologies. I complained to my email provider, MSN and changed my password, but I don't know if that is enough to stop this clown.
One good thing that came out of this problem was that I heard from a Massachusetts cousin that I thought had passed away. Also, I got a couple of "thank you" messages from some older men friends.
04. Blog Book. Those of you who remember Allen's Alley, might remember the little guy with the "Big Old Wife" who kept a "Bird Book." Well, I learned that I can keep a "Blog Book." Now, since I am now the Patriarch of the Arthur S. Vaughan Progeny family, I am going to bind some of my blogs so that future Vaughan genealogists can have an easier time finding out just what we all were about in the late 20th and early 21st centuries.
For quite a small sum, Google will bind selected blog entries. Hardbound at that!
Perhaps I can take my notes for the book I have been writing for a while and put them out on a blog and then get them published that way for a rather cheap price. We'll see. (Incidentally, my story will be about my experiences in four years in the Air Force. I know, it sounds boring, but you might be surprised.)
05. Quaker Voices. Elaine's daughter Emily and her son-in-law, Mat, have created a CD for the Friends School in Baltimore, which Emily attended. Elaine and I listened to it last night and it sounded very well done. The school was founded before the US Constitution was written and has maintained its Quaker values of peace, equality, and truth, among other virtues for all the years since then.
The comments on the CD reminded me of when I attended Quaker Meeting in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts as a young boy. The building was similar to the Dunker Church that we saw recently on a visit to the Antietam Civil War battle site. Pews arranged in a square around a pot-bellied stove. Women set on one side, men on the other.
Nobody spoke until the spirit moved. Sometimes nobody spoke for over an hour and young boys like me had better not nod off, because there was a little old grouchy looking man in the back with a long pole that he used to bop the nodders on the head with.
06. Mini Garden of Eatin': We set up an "earthbox" a couple of weeks ago with three small plants: zuchini, squash, and cucumbers. The zuchini plant is now gigantic and it looks like blossoms are getting ready to pop. The squash plant got bottom rot and I pulled it today. The cucumber plant is holding its own even though greatly overshadowed by the zuke.
Next, I sent for three more "earthboxes" and I spent a lot of time today filling them with potting mixture, dolomite and fertilizer. Now we have to decide what plants to put in the boxes. We already have four large pots of tomatoes (one of which already has three green tomatoes growing.)
Elaine wants to plant dill, lettuce, cucumber and another tomato.
We also bought another upside down tomato plant holder. The one we had last year worked out pretty well for small tomatoes.. and then the holder disintegrated in the winter's heavy snow.
07. Mark Twain! Did I mention that I left my library book out in the rain and I had to try to buy another one to replace it? One of Amazon's sources had a copy and is mailing it to me. The book is (of course) Mark Twain by Ron Powers. Ron's style of writing is a lot like Mark Twain's. I guess that is the way he planned it.
Reading this book about Mr. Clemens' life has inspired me to reread all of his books, but especially his Innocents Abroad. I'm afraid that I did not appreciate it when I read it last. Now that I have learned some background information about the book, I should enjoy it more.
08. Martin Gardner: Speaking of background information. One reads Alice in Wonderland.. and then one reads The Annotated Alice by Martin Garner. Enough said.
Mr. Gardner died this week. I had a very distant puzzler's relationship with this interesting guy.
09. Mr. Mencken: "Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends." Think about that for a while.
10. Watching us? Check out Sky and Telescope magazine for June 1958, page 414 for pictures of a white cross observed on the moon on 11/26/56.
Incidentally, people who would like to help map the moon are being offered the job.
11. Bible study: I'm told that Shakespeare wrote the 46th psalm.
The 46th word from the beginning is "Shake" and the 46th word from the end is "Spears".
(Not in the Douay version) (King James?)
12. The answer is: 9W. The question is: Herr Wagner, do you spell your name with a "V"?
.......................................
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Weekly Dozen
Well, I'm almost to my 200th blog entry. It's hard to believe that I've gone on so long. Just call me "motor mouth". (Some biblical stuff mixed in today.)
01. Soggy? Some one has invented Beer Chips. Its sliced potatoes, covered with salt and sugar and soaked in beer before final preparation. The ad man said: "It's a party in your mouth!" I guess it saves you the trouble of dipping your chips in your beer.
02. Fleeting idea: Why not breed a smaller flea that would therefore not bother animals and humans? Don't scoff. Don't they have flea circuses? So wouldn't these insect Barnums be able to do flea breeding?
(Why did Noah bring two fleas on the ark? Chiggers? Deer ticks? Sharks? Killer whales? Headlice?)
My friend, Ivan Gibbs, says that there is a tiny lice that just bothers the left ears of fleas. (or something like that)... and what about bedbugs, rats,
....music: "Old Noah he built him an ark, Old Noah, he built him an ark... etc etc."
03. Carroll County (Maryland) Headline from 1984: "Judge Burns Stable after Heart Attack."
04. Wisdom: Mark Twain said: "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18." (Wasn't there a movie about this recently?)
05. Where is he now? A couple of years ago Headlice Harry appeared on the scene. "Instant relief for headlice." (See Noah above)
06. RIP: A retired meter maid instructed a funeral home to set up a parking meter as a headstone for her when she died. It would be set to "Time Expired."
07. Burning question: How did Adam keep his figleaf on?
(By the way, did you know that the Bible talks about baseball? Genesis opens: "In the Big Inning..").
08. Ow!: Consumers' Reports mentions the following sign in a doctor's office: "Prostate Exam. Come in for a yearly prostate exam, get second one at same visit for free."
09. Closeness: Consumers' Reports also mentions the TwoDaLoo, which is a toilet that two people can use at the same time.. for $1,400. (May include a TV and iPod station.)
10. Important information:
Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine, was the first human being ever to wear an ear muff.
The Thames is called "Isis" while it flows through Oxford.
The ant never sleeps. (See Noah above.)
The first movie closeup caused panic when shown because the audience mistook it for a severed head.
There are 2,500,000 rivets in the Eifel Tower.
11. Confucious says: "Show-off always shown up in showdown."
Remember Charlie Chan? He was always quoting Confucious. I wonder if I can order old Charlie Chan movies from Netflix? Remember how he always flew into San Francisco on a China Clipper seaplane?
12. Twain again: Mark Twain once told a pompous clergyman that every word of his sermon was in a book he had at home. A dictionary.
............................................................................
01. Soggy? Some one has invented Beer Chips. Its sliced potatoes, covered with salt and sugar and soaked in beer before final preparation. The ad man said: "It's a party in your mouth!" I guess it saves you the trouble of dipping your chips in your beer.
02. Fleeting idea: Why not breed a smaller flea that would therefore not bother animals and humans? Don't scoff. Don't they have flea circuses? So wouldn't these insect Barnums be able to do flea breeding?
(Why did Noah bring two fleas on the ark? Chiggers? Deer ticks? Sharks? Killer whales? Headlice?)
My friend, Ivan Gibbs, says that there is a tiny lice that just bothers the left ears of fleas. (or something like that)... and what about bedbugs, rats,
....music: "Old Noah he built him an ark, Old Noah, he built him an ark... etc etc."
03. Carroll County (Maryland) Headline from 1984: "Judge Burns Stable after Heart Attack."
04. Wisdom: Mark Twain said: "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18." (Wasn't there a movie about this recently?)
05. Where is he now? A couple of years ago Headlice Harry appeared on the scene. "Instant relief for headlice." (See Noah above)
06. RIP: A retired meter maid instructed a funeral home to set up a parking meter as a headstone for her when she died. It would be set to "Time Expired."
07. Burning question: How did Adam keep his figleaf on?
(By the way, did you know that the Bible talks about baseball? Genesis opens: "In the Big Inning..").
08. Ow!: Consumers' Reports mentions the following sign in a doctor's office: "Prostate Exam. Come in for a yearly prostate exam, get second one at same visit for free."
09. Closeness: Consumers' Reports also mentions the TwoDaLoo, which is a toilet that two people can use at the same time.. for $1,400. (May include a TV and iPod station.)
10. Important information:
Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine, was the first human being ever to wear an ear muff.
The Thames is called "Isis" while it flows through Oxford.
The ant never sleeps. (See Noah above.)
The first movie closeup caused panic when shown because the audience mistook it for a severed head.
There are 2,500,000 rivets in the Eifel Tower.
11. Confucious says: "Show-off always shown up in showdown."
Remember Charlie Chan? He was always quoting Confucious. I wonder if I can order old Charlie Chan movies from Netflix? Remember how he always flew into San Francisco on a China Clipper seaplane?
12. Twain again: Mark Twain once told a pompous clergyman that every word of his sermon was in a book he had at home. A dictionary.
............................................................................
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Droid 101
Well, I finally did it. I obtained a "DROID" from Verizon. I'm liking it already even though I had a rocky start. I wanted to get an IPHONE, but my history record with AT&T has also been rocky. So, I got what is considered by some people to be equivalent. Can I share some of my experiences so far?
01. Get the DROID! Verizon would not sell me the phone until my current 2 year committment was up .. otherwise, I would have had to pay close to $700. Waiting, I would then only have to pay between $100 and $200 (after rebates of course). When I walked into the Verizon store I was asked to wait another ten days so that I could get even more rebates. That was nice of them.
When I got the DROID, I asked for the manual and was given a tiny "get started" booklet. Not enough information. I called Verizon and after 30 minutes of chit-chat with an automaton, I was connected to a nice human guy who told me how to download a manual from Motorola, the maker of the DROID.
02. You called? On my first day with the DROID, and before I got the manual, I received a call from a nice elderly lady. It was a wrong number and she apologized. After the call, I looked at the call log and there was an entry for the wrong number, so I decided to delete it like I sometimes did with my old cell phone. Suddenly the DROID came alive and dialed that lady. I apologized.
As I tried to close the phone app, DROID dialed her again.. and again.. and again.. I apologized.. I apologized.. I apologized.
Finally, I must have hit the right combination of keys (touches) and the phone app went away.
I decided not to do any phone calling until I read the manual. Meanwhile, someone called and I was afraid to answer it.. much later, when I figured out how to hear my messages, I found out that the call was from my sister, who was in Baltimore for the Preakness. Damn! I might have been able to meet with her.. but then it was too late and she was already back in New Bedford.
03. Scary DROID! When the DROID cycles on or off.. an eerie Twilight Zone voice says its name.
And when it awakens from sleep time, a round Motorola sign appears and a searchlight beams out from the sign that looks just like Batman's sky signal. Very clever.
04. Take a Trip! I apparently don't know how to do the MAPS app yet. It knew my location and had it pinpointed as soon as I touched the icon. After that I plugged in a destination nearby and set it off.
A voice immediately came on to tell me the first direction to take. "Drive down Weller Way!" Since I did not need to hear it, I shut the DROID off.. or so I thought.
I left the room and the DROID was on the table near Elaine. All of a sudden, the voice came out of the DROID and gave the next direction "Turn on to Luther Drive!" And then it was silent again. It "scared the daylights out of her". (what a strange expression)
Five minutes later, the voice said: "Turn left at Old New Windsor Drive" and then shut up again.
I did everything I could think of the get this app to give up the ghost.. and I thought that I had been successful, when it shouted out: "Turn right at Route 31."
Eventually, I was able to shut it off.. but I still don't know how I did it.
So, as you can see, I am having fun with this gadget especially since the Internet access is extremely fast and the push out keyboard is better even than the one on my notebook pc.
.................................................................................................................................
01. Get the DROID! Verizon would not sell me the phone until my current 2 year committment was up .. otherwise, I would have had to pay close to $700. Waiting, I would then only have to pay between $100 and $200 (after rebates of course). When I walked into the Verizon store I was asked to wait another ten days so that I could get even more rebates. That was nice of them.
When I got the DROID, I asked for the manual and was given a tiny "get started" booklet. Not enough information. I called Verizon and after 30 minutes of chit-chat with an automaton, I was connected to a nice human guy who told me how to download a manual from Motorola, the maker of the DROID.
02. You called? On my first day with the DROID, and before I got the manual, I received a call from a nice elderly lady. It was a wrong number and she apologized. After the call, I looked at the call log and there was an entry for the wrong number, so I decided to delete it like I sometimes did with my old cell phone. Suddenly the DROID came alive and dialed that lady. I apologized.
As I tried to close the phone app, DROID dialed her again.. and again.. and again.. I apologized.. I apologized.. I apologized.
Finally, I must have hit the right combination of keys (touches) and the phone app went away.
I decided not to do any phone calling until I read the manual. Meanwhile, someone called and I was afraid to answer it.. much later, when I figured out how to hear my messages, I found out that the call was from my sister, who was in Baltimore for the Preakness. Damn! I might have been able to meet with her.. but then it was too late and she was already back in New Bedford.
03. Scary DROID! When the DROID cycles on or off.. an eerie Twilight Zone voice says its name.
And when it awakens from sleep time, a round Motorola sign appears and a searchlight beams out from the sign that looks just like Batman's sky signal. Very clever.
04. Take a Trip! I apparently don't know how to do the MAPS app yet. It knew my location and had it pinpointed as soon as I touched the icon. After that I plugged in a destination nearby and set it off.
A voice immediately came on to tell me the first direction to take. "Drive down Weller Way!" Since I did not need to hear it, I shut the DROID off.. or so I thought.
I left the room and the DROID was on the table near Elaine. All of a sudden, the voice came out of the DROID and gave the next direction "Turn on to Luther Drive!" And then it was silent again. It "scared the daylights out of her". (what a strange expression)
Five minutes later, the voice said: "Turn left at Old New Windsor Drive" and then shut up again.
I did everything I could think of the get this app to give up the ghost.. and I thought that I had been successful, when it shouted out: "Turn right at Route 31."
Eventually, I was able to shut it off.. but I still don't know how I did it.
So, as you can see, I am having fun with this gadget especially since the Internet access is extremely fast and the push out keyboard is better even than the one on my notebook pc.
.................................................................................................................................
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Weekly Dozen
Thanks to The Week magazine, Mensa news, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, NPR Radio and my experiences, there always seems to be 12 weird things to mention each week:
01. Eureka! At last the lightbulb shown over comic book characters when they have a great idea has been recognized as not just a comic convention. A recent study showed that when an ordinary light bulb is turned on over a person's head, they become more creative. (Flurescent bulbs don't work the same way. Neither do tulip bulbs.)
02. X-Ray Vison. Speaking of comics, the old comic books often had great offers to tempt young kids in order to grab their their ten cent allowances. These offers were usually in the back of the comic book and one of them was an advertisement for X-Ray glasses that could see through clothes.. "just like Superman!" Although tempted, I never gave in and I still wonder how those glasses worked.
Now, 60 or 70 years later, the dreams of adolescent boys have come true. At airports, there is equipment that does look right through clothes. Siegel and Shuster would be amazed that their Superman vision has become reality.
Recently, an airport employee filed suit to stop the teasing and ridicule he has received since he volunteered to try out the new "see through clothes" machine. Apparently, the machine saw more than he would have liked it to see.. while his co-workers looked on and began to laugh and make fun of parts of his anatomy.
03. Underclothes: Perhaps the airport guy should have been wearing lead-lined panty-hose. All kidding aside, there now is panty-hose for men, and, you guessed it, it's called "manty-hose".
Since women don't seem to want to wear panty-hose anymore, other uses must be developed for the ones that are left over. I found that if you took a pair of your wife's old panty-hose and cut the legs with scissors so that you made circular bands, they were ideal for staking us unruly tomato plants. Since I plan to have unruly tomato plants again this year, I will have to get more panty-hose to cut up. This is a problem for some single men.. There is no way that a non-quiche eating man would purchase ladies' underwear. (I'm assuming that "manty-hose" isn't on the market yet. I could be wrong.)
04. Equal Rights: Even though this blog is getting dangerously close to scatology, I must continue for a bit. Congress, this week, has been debating the "Potty Parity Law".. this law would require future Government structures to have enough Ladie's Rooms so that they would not have to wait in long lines. I don't know if this will apply also to public entertainment places like Baltimore's beautiful Lyric Theater. When I attended the opera at the Lyric, the men got into and out of the men's room in seconds, while the ladies were still waiting in line when the curtain rose for the second act. Bigger ladie's rooms or more ladie's rooms.. one or the other is needed, or both.
05. Lung cancer: I was driving down East Main Street in Westminster, Maryland the other day. It was a beautiful Spring day and many people were walking around the downtown of this very safe city. But I noticed that a large number of these strollers had white tubes in their mouths. I also noticed that fellow automobile drivers were also smoking, and many were talking on their cell phones while they smoked and drove. Didn't they get the message?
In 1974, I saw a message printed on a cigarette package, and even though I smoked a pipe and cigars at the time, it caught my attention. It read: "Smoking causes lung cancer." That light bulb that I mentioned went off over my head and I threw away my pipe, tobacco, and cigars, and haven't smoked again.. that was after smoking since my eleventh birthday. I got the message.
06. Oil Spill: Did a Blowout Preventer not work? BP says yes.
07. Cat's Paw: Scientists have determined that male cats are left-pawed, and female cats are right-pawed.
08. Another use for Panty Hose: I forgot this one. You can keep your onions fresh in panty-hose. (Which might be why Manty-Hose has been developed. ... Sorry.)
09. Playboy: Hugh Heffner says that he is planning to have a 3D version of the Playboy magazine. Will that come out before or after the Braille edition?
10. Oldie but goodie! Betty White at 88 years was a smash on Saturday Night Live. She got them the highest ratings they have ever had. She is a treasure and a natural born comic. Who said that old-timers must be neither seen nor heard?
11. Apocalypse soon? Somebody left me a little comic book that was not very "comic". The gist of it is that the Pope will take over the world and set himself up as the Anti-God, and everyone who is not "saved" will be cast into a lake of fire as the true angry God destroys the world. The cover page shows some chubby devils running away yelling "NO". I would suggest that the people who put out this booklet relax and sit back and stop scaring gullible people.
12. Telephone scripts: Once again, I goofed and thought that I could get something done over the phone. I called my telephone company to ask why my bill was $2 more this month than last month. The call went something like this:
Robot Voice: Good morning. Please listen to our menu, as it has changed. Say or press the number .
Joe Vaughan: Two, billing.
RV: I'm sorry, I did not understand.
JV: Two.
RV: I did not understand. Please press the number.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid, please press the number you desire.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid. What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: Please press the letters on the keypad.
JV: joseph vaughan
RV: I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Hello. Please listen to the menu choices, as they have changed.
JV: Five
RV: I'm sorry I did not understand.
JV: 5
RV: That is not a valid choice. I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: &%^$!!)&!!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: To hell with it!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: Good bye!
RV: Thank you for contacting us. We look forward to continuing our telephone services with you.
................................................................................................................................
01. Eureka! At last the lightbulb shown over comic book characters when they have a great idea has been recognized as not just a comic convention. A recent study showed that when an ordinary light bulb is turned on over a person's head, they become more creative. (Flurescent bulbs don't work the same way. Neither do tulip bulbs.)
02. X-Ray Vison. Speaking of comics, the old comic books often had great offers to tempt young kids in order to grab their their ten cent allowances. These offers were usually in the back of the comic book and one of them was an advertisement for X-Ray glasses that could see through clothes.. "just like Superman!" Although tempted, I never gave in and I still wonder how those glasses worked.
Now, 60 or 70 years later, the dreams of adolescent boys have come true. At airports, there is equipment that does look right through clothes. Siegel and Shuster would be amazed that their Superman vision has become reality.
Recently, an airport employee filed suit to stop the teasing and ridicule he has received since he volunteered to try out the new "see through clothes" machine. Apparently, the machine saw more than he would have liked it to see.. while his co-workers looked on and began to laugh and make fun of parts of his anatomy.
03. Underclothes: Perhaps the airport guy should have been wearing lead-lined panty-hose. All kidding aside, there now is panty-hose for men, and, you guessed it, it's called "manty-hose".
Since women don't seem to want to wear panty-hose anymore, other uses must be developed for the ones that are left over. I found that if you took a pair of your wife's old panty-hose and cut the legs with scissors so that you made circular bands, they were ideal for staking us unruly tomato plants. Since I plan to have unruly tomato plants again this year, I will have to get more panty-hose to cut up. This is a problem for some single men.. There is no way that a non-quiche eating man would purchase ladies' underwear. (I'm assuming that "manty-hose" isn't on the market yet. I could be wrong.)
04. Equal Rights: Even though this blog is getting dangerously close to scatology, I must continue for a bit. Congress, this week, has been debating the "Potty Parity Law".. this law would require future Government structures to have enough Ladie's Rooms so that they would not have to wait in long lines. I don't know if this will apply also to public entertainment places like Baltimore's beautiful Lyric Theater. When I attended the opera at the Lyric, the men got into and out of the men's room in seconds, while the ladies were still waiting in line when the curtain rose for the second act. Bigger ladie's rooms or more ladie's rooms.. one or the other is needed, or both.
05. Lung cancer: I was driving down East Main Street in Westminster, Maryland the other day. It was a beautiful Spring day and many people were walking around the downtown of this very safe city. But I noticed that a large number of these strollers had white tubes in their mouths. I also noticed that fellow automobile drivers were also smoking, and many were talking on their cell phones while they smoked and drove. Didn't they get the message?
In 1974, I saw a message printed on a cigarette package, and even though I smoked a pipe and cigars at the time, it caught my attention. It read: "Smoking causes lung cancer." That light bulb that I mentioned went off over my head and I threw away my pipe, tobacco, and cigars, and haven't smoked again.. that was after smoking since my eleventh birthday. I got the message.
06. Oil Spill: Did a Blowout Preventer not work? BP says yes.
07. Cat's Paw: Scientists have determined that male cats are left-pawed, and female cats are right-pawed.
08. Another use for Panty Hose: I forgot this one. You can keep your onions fresh in panty-hose. (Which might be why Manty-Hose has been developed. ... Sorry.)
09. Playboy: Hugh Heffner says that he is planning to have a 3D version of the Playboy magazine. Will that come out before or after the Braille edition?
10. Oldie but goodie! Betty White at 88 years was a smash on Saturday Night Live. She got them the highest ratings they have ever had. She is a treasure and a natural born comic. Who said that old-timers must be neither seen nor heard?
11. Apocalypse soon? Somebody left me a little comic book that was not very "comic". The gist of it is that the Pope will take over the world and set himself up as the Anti-God, and everyone who is not "saved" will be cast into a lake of fire as the true angry God destroys the world. The cover page shows some chubby devils running away yelling "NO". I would suggest that the people who put out this booklet relax and sit back and stop scaring gullible people.
12. Telephone scripts: Once again, I goofed and thought that I could get something done over the phone. I called my telephone company to ask why my bill was $2 more this month than last month. The call went something like this:
Robot Voice: Good morning. Please listen to our menu, as it has changed. Say or press the number .
Joe Vaughan: Two, billing.
RV: I'm sorry, I did not understand.
JV: Two.
RV: I did not understand. Please press the number.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid, please press the number you desire.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid. What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: Please press the letters on the keypad.
JV: joseph vaughan
RV: I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Hello. Please listen to the menu choices, as they have changed.
JV: Five
RV: I'm sorry I did not understand.
JV: 5
RV: That is not a valid choice. I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: &%^$!!)&!!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: To hell with it!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: Good bye!
RV: Thank you for contacting us. We look forward to continuing our telephone services with you.
................................................................................................................................
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Dozen on May 9th 2010
It looks like it will be a beautiful cool and pleasant Mother's Day.
Today, I would like to talk about several things, including eyeballs, monkeys, coyotes, and money. (My goal with these blogs is to make your mind jump.)
01. Eyeballs: (If you don't want to get "grossed out", jump to item #02.) As you may have read here, I have developed macular degeneration (AMD) in my right eye and "see things as though through a glass darkly" with that eye. There are two kinds of AMD, dry and wet. Wet AMD means that new blood vessels are growing in your eye and they are leaking and covering a lot of visual area. I just found out that my AMD has developed into the wet kind and I have to get it treated quickly or my vision will get quite worse in that eye.
Treatment consists of injections of a healing substance (are your ready?) into the eyeball! As you can imagine.. this is not pleasant.. but necessary. So, I am writing this to suggest that, whatever your age, make sure that you visit an opthalmologist (a medical doctor, not just a lens maker guy) at least once each year to make sure you are not developing AMD or glaucoma. These conditions are usually, but not always, conditions for aging people. Also, AMD is hereditary. (Thanks for listening.)
02. Monkey business: Nebraska Zoo personnel were amazed to keep finding that their five orangatangs had escaped from their enclosure. The only way out was through a locked door. After a lot of investigation, they found that the boss orang (Fu Manchu) had secreted a 4" piece of wire around his teeth and was using it to pick the door's lock! And all these years I was congratulating myself for being able to pick locks with a paper clip.
03. Aliens again: The leader of one of the former Soviet Republics says that he was abducted by space aliens and was given a tour of their spaceship. Russian officials are investigating to find out if he gave them any state secrets.
Reminds me of the technician I worked with in Germany who reported that his wife would ask him questions every night when she thought he was asleep, trying to learn all about our secret radar installations.
04. Money talks: I'm amazed that our stock market computer systems are so fragile that they could be messed up by some guy typing "billion" for "million." You know, that somewhere, another guy is working up a plan to do the same thing in order to make himself a fast buck.
05. Coyotes: I've just learned that coyotes suddenly appeared on Cape Cod in the late 1970's. In order to do so, they would have had to swim the Cape Cod Canal or scurry across a long bridge.
06. Chinese English: Chinglish? Wait, Wait reports that some Chinese cities are trying to clean up their English signs that have been mis-translated: one can get an idea about that by reading instruction manuals for China-made items.
Reminds me of two stories:
A New York socialite always wore a Chinese coin around her neck as a necklace. She always wondered what the chinese characters on the coin meant. One day, she asked the Chinese ambassador who was attending one of her soirees. He did not want to reply, but she insisted. The coin read: Admit one to the Hong Kong brothel.
An English-Russian translation program translated the following phrase:
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
It came out: The vodka is pretty good, but the meat is rancid.
07. Modesty: I've heard that the Virginia Attorney General is trying to get the State Seal cleaned up. He wants to put a cover on the bare breast of the Spirit of Virtue. Someone suggested that he might next try to change the State name to Ia.
08. Sarah: New phrase to take the place of "Drill, baby, drill" .. "Spill, baby, spill"
09. Lung cancer: The other day, I counted 15 people in one city block who were smoking as they walked along. The very high price of cigarettes and risk of lung cancer obviously hasn't bothered them. But (t) one doesn't see so many cigarette butts anymore; they must be smoking them way down because of the cost.
Remember the sign that used to be in men's rooms? "Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinals; it makes them soggy and hard to light."
Remember the phrase? "Many man smoke, but Fu Man Chu."
Remember Charlie Chan? Great movies. Get them on NetFlix.
10. Tight Quarters: Females will now be allowed to serve on submarines. Some of the atomic subs can stay submerged under the North Pole ice for months. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?
11. Schatzgeliebte! The Germans have developed a spray that makes men want to "cuddle". Does it last for four hours?
12. A match made in Heaven? Scientists have now determined that Neandertals (cave men) mated with Homo Sapiens (us guys) at some time in the deep dark past. (Geico could have told them that already.)
........................................................................................................
Today, I would like to talk about several things, including eyeballs, monkeys, coyotes, and money. (My goal with these blogs is to make your mind jump.)
01. Eyeballs: (If you don't want to get "grossed out", jump to item #02.) As you may have read here, I have developed macular degeneration (AMD) in my right eye and "see things as though through a glass darkly" with that eye. There are two kinds of AMD, dry and wet. Wet AMD means that new blood vessels are growing in your eye and they are leaking and covering a lot of visual area. I just found out that my AMD has developed into the wet kind and I have to get it treated quickly or my vision will get quite worse in that eye.
Treatment consists of injections of a healing substance (are your ready?) into the eyeball! As you can imagine.. this is not pleasant.. but necessary. So, I am writing this to suggest that, whatever your age, make sure that you visit an opthalmologist (a medical doctor, not just a lens maker guy) at least once each year to make sure you are not developing AMD or glaucoma. These conditions are usually, but not always, conditions for aging people. Also, AMD is hereditary. (Thanks for listening.)
02. Monkey business: Nebraska Zoo personnel were amazed to keep finding that their five orangatangs had escaped from their enclosure. The only way out was through a locked door. After a lot of investigation, they found that the boss orang (Fu Manchu) had secreted a 4" piece of wire around his teeth and was using it to pick the door's lock! And all these years I was congratulating myself for being able to pick locks with a paper clip.
03. Aliens again: The leader of one of the former Soviet Republics says that he was abducted by space aliens and was given a tour of their spaceship. Russian officials are investigating to find out if he gave them any state secrets.
Reminds me of the technician I worked with in Germany who reported that his wife would ask him questions every night when she thought he was asleep, trying to learn all about our secret radar installations.
04. Money talks: I'm amazed that our stock market computer systems are so fragile that they could be messed up by some guy typing "billion" for "million." You know, that somewhere, another guy is working up a plan to do the same thing in order to make himself a fast buck.
05. Coyotes: I've just learned that coyotes suddenly appeared on Cape Cod in the late 1970's. In order to do so, they would have had to swim the Cape Cod Canal or scurry across a long bridge.
06. Chinese English: Chinglish? Wait, Wait reports that some Chinese cities are trying to clean up their English signs that have been mis-translated: one can get an idea about that by reading instruction manuals for China-made items.
Reminds me of two stories:
A New York socialite always wore a Chinese coin around her neck as a necklace. She always wondered what the chinese characters on the coin meant. One day, she asked the Chinese ambassador who was attending one of her soirees. He did not want to reply, but she insisted. The coin read: Admit one to the Hong Kong brothel.
An English-Russian translation program translated the following phrase:
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
It came out: The vodka is pretty good, but the meat is rancid.
07. Modesty: I've heard that the Virginia Attorney General is trying to get the State Seal cleaned up. He wants to put a cover on the bare breast of the Spirit of Virtue. Someone suggested that he might next try to change the State name to Ia.
08. Sarah: New phrase to take the place of "Drill, baby, drill" .. "Spill, baby, spill"
09. Lung cancer: The other day, I counted 15 people in one city block who were smoking as they walked along. The very high price of cigarettes and risk of lung cancer obviously hasn't bothered them. But (t) one doesn't see so many cigarette butts anymore; they must be smoking them way down because of the cost.
Remember the sign that used to be in men's rooms? "Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinals; it makes them soggy and hard to light."
Remember the phrase? "Many man smoke, but Fu Man Chu."
Remember Charlie Chan? Great movies. Get them on NetFlix.
10. Tight Quarters: Females will now be allowed to serve on submarines. Some of the atomic subs can stay submerged under the North Pole ice for months. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?
11. Schatzgeliebte! The Germans have developed a spray that makes men want to "cuddle". Does it last for four hours?
12. A match made in Heaven? Scientists have now determined that Neandertals (cave men) mated with Homo Sapiens (us guys) at some time in the deep dark past. (Geico could have told them that already.)
........................................................................................................
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Weekly Stuff for May Day 2010
Today I want to cover a bunch of stuff that I find interesting. I'll keep the long stuff for the end so that readers can quit early if they want to.
01. ET?
Dr. Hawkings says that we should not be so anxious to look for alien life. Remember what happened to the Indian population of the New World when Europeans discovered them.
Someone on Wait, Wait said that if aliens happen to land their space crafts in Arizona, they will be immediately arrested as being undocumented and we won't have to worry about them any more.
02. I Feel the Earth Move...
That Iranian cleric who said that women wearing sexy clothing was causing earthquakes was right. As a group of women were protesting his statements, an earthquake of 6.5 magnitude hit Taiwan.
03. Phoney Fido?
Does anyone remember when leashes were sold for invisible dogs? When was that? In the 1970? Now that there are a couple of generations who did not have the experience of paying lots of money to walk an invisible dog may be willing to kick in a few bucks to do so. Hey, somebody could become a millionaire with this ploy. I wonder where all those left-over leashes are being held. In a storage room with pet rocks?
04. WC?
At the local Ag Center, the rest room for ladies is labeled: Ladie's and the rest room for men is labeled: Men. What happens in Scotland? Women: Ladies' and men: Laddies.
Is Men's a valid usage? Is Ladie's a valid usage? Is Lady's a valid usage? Men Room? Women Room? Rest room? Who cares?
05. A Statement?
I have a blue Toyota Rav-4. I think that it must be a drawing card for nasty birds, because almost every morning I find that birds have left calling cards all over it. Now, I can kind of understand that the birds around my home like to poop on my car and I can live with that.. but why is it that when I park in a large parking lot at a super market or department store, when I come out of the store, I find that my car has been visited by those nasty birds... but none of the other cars in the vicinity have been soiled?
Is this getting even for me chasing cat birds away from my blue berries every year at my last home?
06. They have found me again.
Once again this week, Republican organizations have sent me letters stating how much they think of me and appointing me to some kind of local committee, as soon as they receive a contribution between $15 and $1,000. Last week, it was the Democrats. They must both have the same fund raising companies working for them.
With these letters, I get "have you stopped beating your wife?" type questions from both parties, although the Republicans are the most virolent. As an Independent, I was hoping not to get these stupid requests for money. As a former member of one of the parties, I got only one letter of these types, from that party.. now, I get them from both sides.
I hear that the Republican party in California is paying an $8 bounty for every new member that is signed up. (Shades of what they said about Acorn?)
07. The greatest invention!
This is the 30th anniversary of the Post-it note. What a wonderful tool. What did we do before? It's hard to remember. Paper clips? Staples? Corner folds? I buy the little yellow ones, about 1 1/2" by 2". I love them. I buy them by the gross. The story of its invention is interesting. American ingenuity.
08. Well done!
I hear that fuel is being developed from meat. (Maybe those aliens mentioned above will come to earth to refuel with some of the billions of people being cultivated on this planet. Remember the SCI FI story, where the aliens drop off breeding couples on each earth-like planet as a long range food supply.)
09. Wisdom.
On Wait, Wait, someone stated a translation of a German phrase that should be considered by us in the U. S.
"When the rooster crows on the dung heap, the weather changes... or doesn't."
10. Incarceration figure.
The Drug Policy Alliance cites the fact that there are over 2 million Americans behind bars in the U.S., or 1 in every 99.1 adults. This is the highest incarceration rate in the world.
11. A Collection of Nouns
Carroll County Times writer, Sue Yingling, writes about collective nouns.
A peep of chickens.
A paddling of ducks.
A hover of hummingbirds.
An exultation of larks.
A wisdom of owls.
A pounce of cats.
A slither of snakes.
A giggle of girls.
A stumble of drunks.
A wad of paper.
I don't know if she made some of these up or not. Some years ago, I worked with a guy at the Social Security Administration named Bob Hale. When he wasn't doing the Government's bidding, he collected collective nouns like this. He had a very large collection.
Bob was an interesting guy. His great, great, great grandmother was Sarah Hale (see #12 below.) Bob ran a club for writers called "Wordsmiths" and I was priviledged to make a presentation to the group about one of the world's "bad boy" writers, the infamous Frank Harris. I've always wondered what became of Bob. (He's not on Facebook or Twitter and his name is too common to connect with on other search engines.)
12. Sarah Hale (1788 - 1879)
Bob Hale's famous relative had a number of interesting happenings connected with her name. She was instrumental in getting President Lincoln to declare a day of Thanksgiving in the U.S. in 1863. She was also editor of Ladies' Magazine and Godey's Lady's Book.
But her most famous accomplishment was as the author of the poem: Mary had a Little Lamb.
Most of us learn the first part of that poem, but there are two more parts. You can check them out on Google.
And to leave you with a smile (perhaps), you may remember the "take-off" verse:
Mary had a little lamb,
And the doctor darn near fainted.
.......................................................................................
.
01. ET?
Dr. Hawkings says that we should not be so anxious to look for alien life. Remember what happened to the Indian population of the New World when Europeans discovered them.
Someone on Wait, Wait said that if aliens happen to land their space crafts in Arizona, they will be immediately arrested as being undocumented and we won't have to worry about them any more.
02. I Feel the Earth Move...
That Iranian cleric who said that women wearing sexy clothing was causing earthquakes was right. As a group of women were protesting his statements, an earthquake of 6.5 magnitude hit Taiwan.
03. Phoney Fido?
Does anyone remember when leashes were sold for invisible dogs? When was that? In the 1970? Now that there are a couple of generations who did not have the experience of paying lots of money to walk an invisible dog may be willing to kick in a few bucks to do so. Hey, somebody could become a millionaire with this ploy. I wonder where all those left-over leashes are being held. In a storage room with pet rocks?
04. WC?
At the local Ag Center, the rest room for ladies is labeled: Ladie's and the rest room for men is labeled: Men. What happens in Scotland? Women: Ladies' and men: Laddies.
Is Men's a valid usage? Is Ladie's a valid usage? Is Lady's a valid usage? Men Room? Women Room? Rest room? Who cares?
05. A Statement?
I have a blue Toyota Rav-4. I think that it must be a drawing card for nasty birds, because almost every morning I find that birds have left calling cards all over it. Now, I can kind of understand that the birds around my home like to poop on my car and I can live with that.. but why is it that when I park in a large parking lot at a super market or department store, when I come out of the store, I find that my car has been visited by those nasty birds... but none of the other cars in the vicinity have been soiled?
Is this getting even for me chasing cat birds away from my blue berries every year at my last home?
06. They have found me again.
Once again this week, Republican organizations have sent me letters stating how much they think of me and appointing me to some kind of local committee, as soon as they receive a contribution between $15 and $1,000. Last week, it was the Democrats. They must both have the same fund raising companies working for them.
With these letters, I get "have you stopped beating your wife?" type questions from both parties, although the Republicans are the most virolent. As an Independent, I was hoping not to get these stupid requests for money. As a former member of one of the parties, I got only one letter of these types, from that party.. now, I get them from both sides.
I hear that the Republican party in California is paying an $8 bounty for every new member that is signed up. (Shades of what they said about Acorn?)
07. The greatest invention!
This is the 30th anniversary of the Post-it note. What a wonderful tool. What did we do before? It's hard to remember. Paper clips? Staples? Corner folds? I buy the little yellow ones, about 1 1/2" by 2". I love them. I buy them by the gross. The story of its invention is interesting. American ingenuity.
08. Well done!
I hear that fuel is being developed from meat. (Maybe those aliens mentioned above will come to earth to refuel with some of the billions of people being cultivated on this planet. Remember the SCI FI story, where the aliens drop off breeding couples on each earth-like planet as a long range food supply.)
09. Wisdom.
On Wait, Wait, someone stated a translation of a German phrase that should be considered by us in the U. S.
"When the rooster crows on the dung heap, the weather changes... or doesn't."
10. Incarceration figure.
The Drug Policy Alliance cites the fact that there are over 2 million Americans behind bars in the U.S., or 1 in every 99.1 adults. This is the highest incarceration rate in the world.
11. A Collection of Nouns
Carroll County Times writer, Sue Yingling, writes about collective nouns.
A peep of chickens.
A paddling of ducks.
A hover of hummingbirds.
An exultation of larks.
A wisdom of owls.
A pounce of cats.
A slither of snakes.
A giggle of girls.
A stumble of drunks.
A wad of paper.
I don't know if she made some of these up or not. Some years ago, I worked with a guy at the Social Security Administration named Bob Hale. When he wasn't doing the Government's bidding, he collected collective nouns like this. He had a very large collection.
Bob was an interesting guy. His great, great, great grandmother was Sarah Hale (see #12 below.) Bob ran a club for writers called "Wordsmiths" and I was priviledged to make a presentation to the group about one of the world's "bad boy" writers, the infamous Frank Harris. I've always wondered what became of Bob. (He's not on Facebook or Twitter and his name is too common to connect with on other search engines.)
12. Sarah Hale (1788 - 1879)
Bob Hale's famous relative had a number of interesting happenings connected with her name. She was instrumental in getting President Lincoln to declare a day of Thanksgiving in the U.S. in 1863. She was also editor of Ladies' Magazine and Godey's Lady's Book.
But her most famous accomplishment was as the author of the poem: Mary had a Little Lamb.
Most of us learn the first part of that poem, but there are two more parts. You can check them out on Google.
And to leave you with a smile (perhaps), you may remember the "take-off" verse:
Mary had a little lamb,
And the doctor darn near fainted.
.......................................................................................
.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Hot items for April 24, 2010
From Soup to Nuts.. or rather from Tweets to Microbes. Ain't life great!
01. Tweets to the Library?
Could this be true? Soon, ALL tweets will be preserved at the Library of Congress. What's next? Blogs? Text messages? Sext messages? Future generations will now have actual evidence of our madness. Can you envision researchers in 2510 reading: "I just got up and I am going to eat cereal for breakfast." or "My bowels are working well today."
02. Well, tan my hide!
It has now been determined that the use of tanning beds is addictive. So, even though the tax on using tanning beds is being increased, the tanning salons don't have to worry, the addicts will continue their usage.
03. Celebrity death.
Benjamin Hooks, NAACP leader for many years passed away this week at age 95. He became interested in Civil Rights when he served as a guard of Italian prisoners in WW2. These prisoners were able to eat with the white soldiers, while he had to eat in the segregated mess hall for soldiers of color. Unbelievable.
04. Winos.
While I was in the Air Force, a friend and I went on a pass to Liege, Belgium. Before we left, one of our friends warned us about the "winos". These are bar girls who talk American soldiers into buying high-priced bottles of watered-down wine, while making the soldiers think that they will be able to have some fun with them later.
My friend and I took a city tour and at the end we went into a bar for a drink. Immediately, a beautiful young lady sat down beside us. My friend, a country boy, was infatuated with her.. me, a city boy, suspected that she was one of the winos. The girl coaxed my friend into buying a bottle of overpriced wine, and with a practised line, hinted at the delights to come. As we finished the watery wine, she gave my friend an address. She said that she would be leaving now to go home and prepare for his visit and that he should wait ten minutes and then come to see her. He could hardly wait.
Of course, you know what happened. When he went out to get the cab to go to the address, the cab driver said that there was no such address. I wonder if she had latched on to me instead of him.. would I have been gullible? We'll never know.
So, a chord of memory played for me when I heard that beautiful young ladies in certain bars were asking gullible young nerds to key their telephone numbers into their Blackberry Pearls. This turned out to be only a trick to impress these guys with the features of the Pearl. I wonder if the marketing guys learned this trick from Liege's winos?
05. I'll trade you 25 years of National Geographics for a tonsilectomy.
The potential Republican rival for Harry Reid's job has offered a solution for the high cost of medical care. Bartering!
06. Two drunks in Britain.
A troublemaking female drunk has been banned from all bars in England.
A drunk driver in England was stopped while driving a pink Barbie car.
07. Computers on wheels?
Best Buy will soon be selling electric cars as well as computers. I recently attended an educational session about services for the blind. (I have macular degeneration in my right eye) and the leader mentioned that one big problem for blind people is the noiseless electric car. I've heard from electric car drivers that this is also a problem for them sometimes. Perhaps soon "they" will come up with a noisemaker add-on. (I'll bring this up with John Stahlin and the VME.. Volunteers for Medical Engineering folks.)
08. Tea, anyone?
The Week magazine quotes Andrew Sullivan of TheAtlantic.com as follows:
"When Tea Party leaders propose cuts in Medicare, means-testing Social Security, a raising of the retirement age, and a cut in defense spending, I'll take them seriously."
I remember working on a case when I first was a Claims Authorizer at the Social Security Administration. The claimant was a famous literary American who had been knocking the whole "socialistic" Social Security program, stating that he would advise everyone not to take that "Government Handout." Well, he was now filing for Social Security disability benefits for himself and begging for the help.
09. Sit up straight!
The latest Hammacher Schlemmer catalog shows a Pet High Chair. "Satisfying a mutual desire for companionship, this high chair permits your dog or cat to accompany you at the dinner table."
10. "I cannot tell a lie."
Shame on George Washington for borrowing two books from the New York Library and never returning them. The overdue fine is now over $300,000!
I can't talk, while at Boston University (ages ago) I could not find a certain German book anywhere but at the New Bedford, Massachusetts Public Library. I borrowed it almost 50 years ago! I still have it. I mentioned it to my sister-in-law, Janine, who was working there and she advised me to wait for the fine forgiveness day. So far, I haven't been able to be in New Bedford at the right time. The fine is probably astronomical by now. Not returning this book is the worst thing I have ever done in my life. (believe that?)
11. Lactococcus lactis.
This has been named as the "official State microbe" for the State of Wisconsin.
12. Where did all the immigrants go?
By now, you have probably heard about the "Phoenix Immigration Bill." Will this lead to "profiling".. I would imagine so.
Also, Senator David Vitter has introduced legislation that would instruct the Census Bureau not to take into account illegal immigrants and other non-citizens in the 2010 Census.
.................................................................
01. Tweets to the Library?
Could this be true? Soon, ALL tweets will be preserved at the Library of Congress. What's next? Blogs? Text messages? Sext messages? Future generations will now have actual evidence of our madness. Can you envision researchers in 2510 reading: "I just got up and I am going to eat cereal for breakfast." or "My bowels are working well today."
02. Well, tan my hide!
It has now been determined that the use of tanning beds is addictive. So, even though the tax on using tanning beds is being increased, the tanning salons don't have to worry, the addicts will continue their usage.
03. Celebrity death.
Benjamin Hooks, NAACP leader for many years passed away this week at age 95. He became interested in Civil Rights when he served as a guard of Italian prisoners in WW2. These prisoners were able to eat with the white soldiers, while he had to eat in the segregated mess hall for soldiers of color. Unbelievable.
04. Winos.
While I was in the Air Force, a friend and I went on a pass to Liege, Belgium. Before we left, one of our friends warned us about the "winos". These are bar girls who talk American soldiers into buying high-priced bottles of watered-down wine, while making the soldiers think that they will be able to have some fun with them later.
My friend and I took a city tour and at the end we went into a bar for a drink. Immediately, a beautiful young lady sat down beside us. My friend, a country boy, was infatuated with her.. me, a city boy, suspected that she was one of the winos. The girl coaxed my friend into buying a bottle of overpriced wine, and with a practised line, hinted at the delights to come. As we finished the watery wine, she gave my friend an address. She said that she would be leaving now to go home and prepare for his visit and that he should wait ten minutes and then come to see her. He could hardly wait.
Of course, you know what happened. When he went out to get the cab to go to the address, the cab driver said that there was no such address. I wonder if she had latched on to me instead of him.. would I have been gullible? We'll never know.
So, a chord of memory played for me when I heard that beautiful young ladies in certain bars were asking gullible young nerds to key their telephone numbers into their Blackberry Pearls. This turned out to be only a trick to impress these guys with the features of the Pearl. I wonder if the marketing guys learned this trick from Liege's winos?
05. I'll trade you 25 years of National Geographics for a tonsilectomy.
The potential Republican rival for Harry Reid's job has offered a solution for the high cost of medical care. Bartering!
06. Two drunks in Britain.
A troublemaking female drunk has been banned from all bars in England.
A drunk driver in England was stopped while driving a pink Barbie car.
07. Computers on wheels?
Best Buy will soon be selling electric cars as well as computers. I recently attended an educational session about services for the blind. (I have macular degeneration in my right eye) and the leader mentioned that one big problem for blind people is the noiseless electric car. I've heard from electric car drivers that this is also a problem for them sometimes. Perhaps soon "they" will come up with a noisemaker add-on. (I'll bring this up with John Stahlin and the VME.. Volunteers for Medical Engineering folks.)
08. Tea, anyone?
The Week magazine quotes Andrew Sullivan of TheAtlantic.com as follows:
"When Tea Party leaders propose cuts in Medicare, means-testing Social Security, a raising of the retirement age, and a cut in defense spending, I'll take them seriously."
I remember working on a case when I first was a Claims Authorizer at the Social Security Administration. The claimant was a famous literary American who had been knocking the whole "socialistic" Social Security program, stating that he would advise everyone not to take that "Government Handout." Well, he was now filing for Social Security disability benefits for himself and begging for the help.
09. Sit up straight!
The latest Hammacher Schlemmer catalog shows a Pet High Chair. "Satisfying a mutual desire for companionship, this high chair permits your dog or cat to accompany you at the dinner table."
10. "I cannot tell a lie."
Shame on George Washington for borrowing two books from the New York Library and never returning them. The overdue fine is now over $300,000!
I can't talk, while at Boston University (ages ago) I could not find a certain German book anywhere but at the New Bedford, Massachusetts Public Library. I borrowed it almost 50 years ago! I still have it. I mentioned it to my sister-in-law, Janine, who was working there and she advised me to wait for the fine forgiveness day. So far, I haven't been able to be in New Bedford at the right time. The fine is probably astronomical by now. Not returning this book is the worst thing I have ever done in my life. (believe that?)
11. Lactococcus lactis.
This has been named as the "official State microbe" for the State of Wisconsin.
12. Where did all the immigrants go?
By now, you have probably heard about the "Phoenix Immigration Bill." Will this lead to "profiling".. I would imagine so.
Also, Senator David Vitter has introduced legislation that would instruct the Census Bureau not to take into account illegal immigrants and other non-citizens in the 2010 Census.
.................................................................
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Most Beautiful Flower of All
I was shocked and appalled by an ad I received in the mail today. It was from the Lawn Doctor, a lawn care company. The ad shows a fist with a green thumb pointing up. From the thumb there emerges a balloon with the following words within: "One, two, three, four, I declare a dandelion war."
Why do people want to destroy the most beautiful plant and flower in the world? Just look at it! Beautiful green dentate leaves reaching to the sky, with long slim stems topped by the most brilliant yellow flowers. And when the beautiful yellow flowers are used up, they transform into balls of light white fluffiness that send little angels out to sail on the breeze.
I was born near the end of the Great Depression and sometimes we did not have much to eat, so my job was to dig up as many dandelions as I could find so that my grandmother could cook the greens for us to eat. I liked the taste, and still do, especially when very hot and topped with melted butter.
The flower is also useful in the making of wine. In the 1970's I made a bunch of it.. (we had a lot of dandelions in our yard). Most people say that the wine comes out yellow.. mine came out white.. and sweet.. and delicious, if I do say so myself. For a vacation to Massachusetts one year, I mixed dandelion and port wine, sweetened with sugar.. and bottled it in small containers. When relatives and friends visited us in our vacation house, I fed them some of the wine, it tasted just like Portuguese wine (kind of like Madiera).. everybody loved it, especially one guy who told everyone within ear shot that I was the best winemaker in the world.
One of our next door neighbors here confronted me last week. He said that he noticed dandelions in my grass. He asked if I minded if he killed them so they would not multiply. I'm afraid I had to assume the Jack Benny pose while I decided how to answer him. In the interest of good neighborliness, I gave in and told him to go ahead, but my heart was not in it.
I believe that all beautiful flowers were once considered to be obnoxious weeds.. sooner or later the world will begin to let dandelions assume their rightful place in the pantheon of glorious offspring of this remarkable world we live in.
Why do people want to destroy the most beautiful plant and flower in the world? Just look at it! Beautiful green dentate leaves reaching to the sky, with long slim stems topped by the most brilliant yellow flowers. And when the beautiful yellow flowers are used up, they transform into balls of light white fluffiness that send little angels out to sail on the breeze.
I was born near the end of the Great Depression and sometimes we did not have much to eat, so my job was to dig up as many dandelions as I could find so that my grandmother could cook the greens for us to eat. I liked the taste, and still do, especially when very hot and topped with melted butter.
The flower is also useful in the making of wine. In the 1970's I made a bunch of it.. (we had a lot of dandelions in our yard). Most people say that the wine comes out yellow.. mine came out white.. and sweet.. and delicious, if I do say so myself. For a vacation to Massachusetts one year, I mixed dandelion and port wine, sweetened with sugar.. and bottled it in small containers. When relatives and friends visited us in our vacation house, I fed them some of the wine, it tasted just like Portuguese wine (kind of like Madiera).. everybody loved it, especially one guy who told everyone within ear shot that I was the best winemaker in the world.
One of our next door neighbors here confronted me last week. He said that he noticed dandelions in my grass. He asked if I minded if he killed them so they would not multiply. I'm afraid I had to assume the Jack Benny pose while I decided how to answer him. In the interest of good neighborliness, I gave in and told him to go ahead, but my heart was not in it.
I believe that all beautiful flowers were once considered to be obnoxious weeds.. sooner or later the world will begin to let dandelions assume their rightful place in the pantheon of glorious offspring of this remarkable world we live in.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
News, etc on April 17, 2010
This has been an interesting week. Let me tell you about puzzledom, funeraldom, and weird newsdom. (In between times, I have to interupt to hear La Traviata from the Met on WBJC.)
01. Puzzles:
Yesterday, I got a chance to give a presentation on puzzling to the last class of folks who are trying to learn to increase their brain power in order to live a longer and more interesting life. I had an ulterior motive in giving this presentation; I wanted to start a puzzle club in the complex where I live. I spoke to them about:
The National Puzzlers League (NPL). As a puzzler, I am known as AHAB.. my brother, Joe, is known as Ishmael. Joe is an expert on the charade types of puzzles, among others. I kind of like crosswords and cryptograms the most.
The American Cryptogram Association (ACA). Codes and ciphers. As AHAB, I used to contribute to the monthly magazine.
American Crosswords.. where to find the first one, and how to follow them through to the current day. There have been a number of popular changes.
The crosswords in the Sunday Baltimore Sun, including the LA Times puzzle and the New York Times puzzle. I mentioned the difficulty of the NY Times puzzle which gets tougher as the week goes on.
I talked about the folks who produce these puzzles, especially Will Shortz, who is probably the United States premier puzzle-master.
I also covered French, German, Spanish, Dutch and British puzzles, including those difficult, for Americans, British cryptics.
I showed the group some reference material that helps professional puzzlers, including regular crossword dictionaries, backwards dictionaries, anagram dictionaries, non-pattern word lists, and lists for words of specific lengths.
At the end, I showed them one of the largest crossword puzzles ever created.
All in all, I enjoyed myself doing this presentation; however, I probably bombarded (bored) them with too much information. I do hope that a couple of them will sign up for the puzzle club.
02. Funeral stuff.
Yesterday, a monstrous and mysterious 90-foot long black van showed up at our complex. Inside was an extensive display of funeral information, including a model of the funeral train of Abraham Lincoln, a copy of Lincoln's coffin, and lots of information about deceased celebrities, such as Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, and others. One display stated that retired military folks at the Colonel Level or above, are entitled to have a saddled horse in a funeral procession with boots inserted backwards in the stirrups. Since my military equivalent rank for my job at Social Security was Colonel, I wonder if I should sign up for such an honor. ;0)
Of course, I would have to let my son put non-skid treads for the horse on the ice-floe that he is going to get for me.
03. Sarah:
I read where Sarah Palin is going to do an environmental program about Alaska for the Discovery Channel. I believe that she will be earning over a million dollars for this effort. Somehow, I did not know that Sarah had a friendly relationship with her environment, especially as it relates to wolves and forest reserves.
04. Blind porn?
A new Canadian magazine is being published for blind folks. It will have Braille articles and some kind of 3-D representations of naked folks. Now I will have something to look forward to as my Macular Degeneration gets worse.
05. In Sheep's Clothing?
A couple of South American prisoners escaped and were found hiding under sheep skin in a pasture. Someone mentioned that they were "on the lam" for a little while.
06. Mazel Tov.
A man in Connecticut wore a bright blue yarmulke as he robbed a bank.
07. Male Vanity:
The latest boon to male beauty: Nose Waxing.
Speaking of male vanity: In one episode of Star Trek, Captain Kirk changes into a woman, and even though he still looks like a man, every time he goes by a pane of glass, he checks himself out.
Yesterday, at WalMart, I spotted a young man with many piercings. As I was trying to count them, he passed by a glass case, checked himself out, and primpted a bit. He did it again when he passed another glass case. I wish that I had the nerve to tell him not to waste his time.. because he was kind of ugly, I'm sorry to say. But I'll bet his mother loves him anyway.
08. AIDS, Anyone?
A prisoner is about to be released in New York State who admits to infecting 2 women with AIDS. He says that when he gets out he plans to infect a lot more. (Throw away the key!)
09. The Devil's Tools:
Somalian leaders have told radio stations to stop playing music. They have already banned bras and movies. Years ago, Americans liked living in Mogadishu.. I'll bet there aren't any there any more.
10. Airline Charges:
Spirit Airlines is going to charge for carryon luggage. Ryan Air (Ireland) is planning to charge for rest room usage on their airlines. (Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me said that they will probably have to install Guiness-proof locks.)
11. Harry?
The Week magazine says (maybe) some German women tried to smuggle a dead relative on a plane in sunglasses. They were trying to avoid a large repatriation fee on coffins. Deja vu?
12. Blood levels?
The famous Danish Carlsberg Brewery is going to stop brewery workers from drinking on the job, except for three pints at lunchtime. (Is that a quart and a half?) What about at cigarette breaks?
When I drove a cab in New Bedford, Massachusetts, I used to drive some of the Dawson Brewery workers and got a chance to see how they worked. Here and there they had sinks that poured beer out of the faucets. The workers could drink as much as they wanted to, all day long. I'm sure they had a few "for the road" each afternoon before they drove home.
....................................................................................................
01. Puzzles:
Yesterday, I got a chance to give a presentation on puzzling to the last class of folks who are trying to learn to increase their brain power in order to live a longer and more interesting life. I had an ulterior motive in giving this presentation; I wanted to start a puzzle club in the complex where I live. I spoke to them about:
The National Puzzlers League (NPL). As a puzzler, I am known as AHAB.. my brother, Joe, is known as Ishmael. Joe is an expert on the charade types of puzzles, among others. I kind of like crosswords and cryptograms the most.
The American Cryptogram Association (ACA). Codes and ciphers. As AHAB, I used to contribute to the monthly magazine.
American Crosswords.. where to find the first one, and how to follow them through to the current day. There have been a number of popular changes.
The crosswords in the Sunday Baltimore Sun, including the LA Times puzzle and the New York Times puzzle. I mentioned the difficulty of the NY Times puzzle which gets tougher as the week goes on.
I talked about the folks who produce these puzzles, especially Will Shortz, who is probably the United States premier puzzle-master.
I also covered French, German, Spanish, Dutch and British puzzles, including those difficult, for Americans, British cryptics.
I showed the group some reference material that helps professional puzzlers, including regular crossword dictionaries, backwards dictionaries, anagram dictionaries, non-pattern word lists, and lists for words of specific lengths.
At the end, I showed them one of the largest crossword puzzles ever created.
All in all, I enjoyed myself doing this presentation; however, I probably bombarded (bored) them with too much information. I do hope that a couple of them will sign up for the puzzle club.
02. Funeral stuff.
Yesterday, a monstrous and mysterious 90-foot long black van showed up at our complex. Inside was an extensive display of funeral information, including a model of the funeral train of Abraham Lincoln, a copy of Lincoln's coffin, and lots of information about deceased celebrities, such as Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, and others. One display stated that retired military folks at the Colonel Level or above, are entitled to have a saddled horse in a funeral procession with boots inserted backwards in the stirrups. Since my military equivalent rank for my job at Social Security was Colonel, I wonder if I should sign up for such an honor. ;0)
Of course, I would have to let my son put non-skid treads for the horse on the ice-floe that he is going to get for me.
03. Sarah:
I read where Sarah Palin is going to do an environmental program about Alaska for the Discovery Channel. I believe that she will be earning over a million dollars for this effort. Somehow, I did not know that Sarah had a friendly relationship with her environment, especially as it relates to wolves and forest reserves.
04. Blind porn?
A new Canadian magazine is being published for blind folks. It will have Braille articles and some kind of 3-D representations of naked folks. Now I will have something to look forward to as my Macular Degeneration gets worse.
05. In Sheep's Clothing?
A couple of South American prisoners escaped and were found hiding under sheep skin in a pasture. Someone mentioned that they were "on the lam" for a little while.
06. Mazel Tov.
A man in Connecticut wore a bright blue yarmulke as he robbed a bank.
07. Male Vanity:
The latest boon to male beauty: Nose Waxing.
Speaking of male vanity: In one episode of Star Trek, Captain Kirk changes into a woman, and even though he still looks like a man, every time he goes by a pane of glass, he checks himself out.
Yesterday, at WalMart, I spotted a young man with many piercings. As I was trying to count them, he passed by a glass case, checked himself out, and primpted a bit. He did it again when he passed another glass case. I wish that I had the nerve to tell him not to waste his time.. because he was kind of ugly, I'm sorry to say. But I'll bet his mother loves him anyway.
08. AIDS, Anyone?
A prisoner is about to be released in New York State who admits to infecting 2 women with AIDS. He says that when he gets out he plans to infect a lot more. (Throw away the key!)
09. The Devil's Tools:
Somalian leaders have told radio stations to stop playing music. They have already banned bras and movies. Years ago, Americans liked living in Mogadishu.. I'll bet there aren't any there any more.
10. Airline Charges:
Spirit Airlines is going to charge for carryon luggage. Ryan Air (Ireland) is planning to charge for rest room usage on their airlines. (Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me said that they will probably have to install Guiness-proof locks.)
11. Harry?
The Week magazine says (maybe) some German women tried to smuggle a dead relative on a plane in sunglasses. They were trying to avoid a large repatriation fee on coffins. Deja vu?
12. Blood levels?
The famous Danish Carlsberg Brewery is going to stop brewery workers from drinking on the job, except for three pints at lunchtime. (Is that a quart and a half?) What about at cigarette breaks?
When I drove a cab in New Bedford, Massachusetts, I used to drive some of the Dawson Brewery workers and got a chance to see how they worked. Here and there they had sinks that poured beer out of the faucets. The workers could drink as much as they wanted to, all day long. I'm sure they had a few "for the road" each afternoon before they drove home.
....................................................................................................
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Great News for April 10th or 11th, 2010
Today's issue of the Carroll County, Maryland, Times shows today's date on A-5 as Saturday, April 11, 2010.. and on page A-6 as Saturday, April 10, 2010. This allows the reader to feel as though he or she is going back in time as they turn the page. What a pleasant gimmick for such a beautiful sunny, windy, 50-ish Spring day!
A wonderful thing happened today (or yesterday, as the case may be).. I lifted up a pile of old newspapers and found a copy of the non-defunct Weekly World News from September 18, 2006. (I loved that sheet!) Just look at the news items that I missed!
01. Giant Crocs Attack! Monster reptiles attacked monster trucks at a racetrack.
02. Old Folks live in Daughter's Pool. These poor folks needed assistive living, but couldn't afford it, so their good-hearted daughter allowed them to spend their twilight years floating in her backyard pool. Because of the chlorine in the water, they didn"t even have to worry about toilet breaks.
03. Robin Goodfellow, British Pub owner has started to serve his patrons fairy wings. This has become a great draw for Barrie's Tavern.
04. An item about "Your Bottom Dollar" that perhaps I shouldn't mention.
Excuse me for a moment.. my favorite radio station is playing the Met broadcast of Die Zauberfloete, and I want to hear the Queen of the Night's famous aria. Herr Mozart may have been accused of using "too many notes" on this work, but I don't think that there is one wasted note in the whole opera. Why did Wolfie have to die so young? Who could imagine what other masterpieces still lurked within that massive brain in that little bitty body?
I'm back again.. let me jump to some Wait Wait items:
05. (Notice how I number everything.. its my excessive compulsion, sorry.) A gentleman from Georgia tried to eat a "double wicked" fast food sandwich and messed his jaws up so much that he had to have surgery. (Well, it had to happen sometime.)
06. Did you know that the first Bobby hired by the City of London was fired four hours later because of drunkenness? Do policemen have alcohol level tests in the US?
07. Another Georgian, a Congressman I believe, recently said that Guam will probably tip over if we send any more military people there.
08. Senator John McCain told reporters that he is not a maverick, in spite of the title of his book and his electioneering slogan. I guess he might be trying to become a true Conservative to get the future votes of the Tea Party guys.
09. Fewer NERDS are being produced in the US. Our technical future looks bleak. (Is there a song called: The Revenge of the Nerds?)
10. The guy who invented Wine in a Box has died. Wine snobs deride boxed wine. However, I see not much difference between boxed and bottled wine. In fact, based on wine that I have made over the years, I want to make this statement. Believe it or not, with a little care, and with a little equipment, and a little container of grapes, and a little sugar.. you can make wine in your kitchen that tastes just as good if not better than these bottles of French wine that are selling for astronomical prices. In fact, if you have a Mickey Mouse balloon to place over the top of a bottle, you can do as good a job as any of the California wine makers. This is of course my opinion.
This made me think of wine that I have been aging in the garage. I decided to try an old bottle. I uncorked and decanted a bottle of peach wine that I laid down in 1975. The cork had almost disintegrated but not quite. Opened and poured, there was not much bouquet.. in fact, Elaine took a sip and thought that it ranked (maybe a good word) among the worst wines she had ever tasted. But, for me, after a little unpleasant ropiness, I found it tasty.. perhaps more like a very sweet fortified wine. So, score one for me.
I still have some beet wine and peapodwine aging. Recently, I gave away my beer and wine making equipment to my son in law, John, an excellent brewer. So now, I will concentrate on kitchen wine, using my Mickey Mouse balloon. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
11. And of course you have heard of the crook who was chased by the cops until he climbed over a wall and found himself in a prison yard. What I didn't know until now was it was a woman's prison!
12. What about that guy who was discovered giving mouth to mouth rescusitation to a possum that may have been playing possum.
.........................................
A wonderful thing happened today (or yesterday, as the case may be).. I lifted up a pile of old newspapers and found a copy of the non-defunct Weekly World News from September 18, 2006. (I loved that sheet!) Just look at the news items that I missed!
01. Giant Crocs Attack! Monster reptiles attacked monster trucks at a racetrack.
02. Old Folks live in Daughter's Pool. These poor folks needed assistive living, but couldn't afford it, so their good-hearted daughter allowed them to spend their twilight years floating in her backyard pool. Because of the chlorine in the water, they didn"t even have to worry about toilet breaks.
03. Robin Goodfellow, British Pub owner has started to serve his patrons fairy wings. This has become a great draw for Barrie's Tavern.
04. An item about "Your Bottom Dollar" that perhaps I shouldn't mention.
Excuse me for a moment.. my favorite radio station is playing the Met broadcast of Die Zauberfloete, and I want to hear the Queen of the Night's famous aria. Herr Mozart may have been accused of using "too many notes" on this work, but I don't think that there is one wasted note in the whole opera. Why did Wolfie have to die so young? Who could imagine what other masterpieces still lurked within that massive brain in that little bitty body?
I'm back again.. let me jump to some Wait Wait items:
05. (Notice how I number everything.. its my excessive compulsion, sorry.) A gentleman from Georgia tried to eat a "double wicked" fast food sandwich and messed his jaws up so much that he had to have surgery. (Well, it had to happen sometime.)
06. Did you know that the first Bobby hired by the City of London was fired four hours later because of drunkenness? Do policemen have alcohol level tests in the US?
07. Another Georgian, a Congressman I believe, recently said that Guam will probably tip over if we send any more military people there.
08. Senator John McCain told reporters that he is not a maverick, in spite of the title of his book and his electioneering slogan. I guess he might be trying to become a true Conservative to get the future votes of the Tea Party guys.
09. Fewer NERDS are being produced in the US. Our technical future looks bleak. (Is there a song called: The Revenge of the Nerds?)
10. The guy who invented Wine in a Box has died. Wine snobs deride boxed wine. However, I see not much difference between boxed and bottled wine. In fact, based on wine that I have made over the years, I want to make this statement. Believe it or not, with a little care, and with a little equipment, and a little container of grapes, and a little sugar.. you can make wine in your kitchen that tastes just as good if not better than these bottles of French wine that are selling for astronomical prices. In fact, if you have a Mickey Mouse balloon to place over the top of a bottle, you can do as good a job as any of the California wine makers. This is of course my opinion.
This made me think of wine that I have been aging in the garage. I decided to try an old bottle. I uncorked and decanted a bottle of peach wine that I laid down in 1975. The cork had almost disintegrated but not quite. Opened and poured, there was not much bouquet.. in fact, Elaine took a sip and thought that it ranked (maybe a good word) among the worst wines she had ever tasted. But, for me, after a little unpleasant ropiness, I found it tasty.. perhaps more like a very sweet fortified wine. So, score one for me.
I still have some beet wine and peapodwine aging. Recently, I gave away my beer and wine making equipment to my son in law, John, an excellent brewer. So now, I will concentrate on kitchen wine, using my Mickey Mouse balloon. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
11. And of course you have heard of the crook who was chased by the cops until he climbed over a wall and found himself in a prison yard. What I didn't know until now was it was a woman's prison!
12. What about that guy who was discovered giving mouth to mouth rescusitation to a possum that may have been playing possum.
.........................................
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Thoughts for April 3, 2010
Some notes about the richest woman in the world, the census, and funeral stuff.
01. Rich Woman!
Who do you think has the distinction of being the richest woman in the world? Oprah? Queen Elizabeth? Cleopatra? Nefrertiti?
Nope, none of them.. the woman who has that distinction is/was Hetty Green of New Bedford, Massachusetts, my old home town.
Who do you think has the distinction of being the stingiest person in the world? Scrooge? ENRON executive? Your spouse? Your boss?
Nope, none of them.. that distinction also belongs to Hetty Green.
Hetty was part of the Quaker family that controled the whaling fleets out of New Bedford. She lived from 1834 to 1916. She parlayed a massive whale oil fortune into an even massive fortune by playing the post Civil War bond market and lending lots of money to the city of New York.
It has been written that she ate dry oatmeal for lunch to save money and did not change her underwear until it wore out. At one time, her son injured himself and she tried to get free medical care for him. When it was not forthcoming, she endevored to cure him himself. Unfortunately, gangrene set in and he lost one of his legs.
It has also been reported that she once spent 6 hours hunting for a lost 2 cent postage stamp.
Hetty was a remarkable woman, who was once called "The Witch of Wall Street".. if you want to read some amazing information about this amazing woman, try the following books:
The Day They Shook The Plum Tree by Arthur H. Lewis (1963)
Hetty: The Genius and Madness of America's First Female Tycoon by Charles Slack (2004) .. I haven't read this one yet.
01. Rich Woman!
Who do you think has the distinction of being the richest woman in the world? Oprah? Queen Elizabeth? Cleopatra? Nefrertiti?
Nope, none of them.. the woman who has that distinction is/was Hetty Green of New Bedford, Massachusetts, my old home town.
Who do you think has the distinction of being the stingiest person in the world? Scrooge? ENRON executive? Your spouse? Your boss?
Nope, none of them.. that distinction also belongs to Hetty Green.
Hetty was part of the Quaker family that controled the whaling fleets out of New Bedford. She lived from 1834 to 1916. She parlayed a massive whale oil fortune into an even massive fortune by playing the post Civil War bond market and lending lots of money to the city of New York.
It has been written that she ate dry oatmeal for lunch to save money and did not change her underwear until it wore out. At one time, her son injured himself and she tried to get free medical care for him. When it was not forthcoming, she endevored to cure him himself. Unfortunately, gangrene set in and he lost one of his legs.
It has also been reported that she once spent 6 hours hunting for a lost 2 cent postage stamp.
Hetty was a remarkable woman, who was once called "The Witch of Wall Street".. if you want to read some amazing information about this amazing woman, try the following books:
The Day They Shook The Plum Tree by Arthur H. Lewis (1963)
Hetty: The Genius and Madness of America's First Female Tycoon by Charles Slack (2004) .. I haven't read this one yet.
02. The U.S. Census
Government sources are complaining that people are slow in filling out and returning their 2010 census forms. Duh? Right there in the instructions it says that it wants to know who is in each dwelling on April first 2010 ! Not March 2010! It doesn't take a Mensa member to understand that the form should not be filled out until April first, 2010. Or is that an April Fool joke? So quit complaining!
03. Funeral stuff.
None of us want to think about it, but we are not immortal, even though some teen-agers think so. We should all make some kind of plans so that the poor people who survive us know what to do with us.
My son has always told me not to worry because he would find a real nice ice floe to put me on when my time grows near.
Seriously, you might want to think about it. And to help you, the Carroll County Maryland Chapter of the National Active and Retired Federal Employees (NARFE) is having a funeral expert come and talk at our next meeting in Westminster, Maryland, on April 8th, 2010. Anyone may attend the meeting. It is at the Cactus Willie's restaurant. Come at 11:30 am, and enjoy their buffet. They have the second best fried chicken legs I have ever eaten! Fill your stomach and then fill your brain with new information.
The speaker guarantees that his talk is not depressing and he is even bringing appropriate door prizes. (Hope its not little pine box key chains.)
See you there!
..............................................................
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Has the world gone mad?
Today was a great day, until I read the newspaper. We traveled to DC to see the National Geographic Terra Cotta Warriors exhibit. It was unbelievable. Even though it was chilly, the flowering trees were out everywhere and the sky was blue.
By the time we got back into Maryland, it was raining and the wind was blowing a gale. But even that was ok.. and I heard that the stock market was way up today, and that was good. Then I made my mistake, I opened the paper to check the obits and make sure that I was still alive.. and found these stories:
01. The father of a marine who died in Iraq has been ordered to pay the legal costs for the anti-gay protesters from Kansas who picketed his son's funeral. Freedom of speech? I believe in it, but to do what these professed Christians have done to this poor family is reprehensible. I think that it is time for the Southern Poverty Law group to get involved in the activities of this hate group.
02. Nine alleged members of a so-called Christian militia have been charged with plotting to kill and slaughter scores of people at the funeral of a police officer. Thank God they have been caught before they could do this mayhem.
03. Two teen-age female suicide bombers have killed 38 people in the Moscow subway system. DC Metro employees and the police are stepping up their protective activity to avoid such activity there.
04. A 12 year-old boy will be charged as an adult in the shotgun killing of his father's pregnant fiancee when he was 11. (Are you getting depressed yet?)
05. A Frederick man has been found guilty of tossing a puppy off a bridge because he was angry at her owners for ordering him off their property.
06. Crowds of Hindus and Moslems are attacking each other with stones and clubs in Southern India.
07. An editorial by a man who calls the recently passed health care reform bill a disaster shows by his words that it is easy to criticise without learning about what he is criticising.
08. Three people were quoted on their view of the health care reform bill:
Lady in her 50's: says that health care needs to be overhauled, but not by the people in Washington... Me: well, then who is going to do it? The Insurance companies?
Lady in her 40's: says that the government can't even run the Post Office.. Me: Well, the Government doesn't actually run the Post Office any more..
Man in his 70's: says it stinks.. not happy with BO.. Me: He's got his.. Medicare or Medicaid, so to hell with everybody else.
Already, one feature of the reform should make all parents happy.. and it has already gone into effect: children may now stay on the health plans of their parents until the age of 26! That provision would have saved me thousands of dollars a few years ago.
OK.. enough of this.. let's see if there is anything pleasant in the newspaper:
01. Giant Food in Westminster, Maryland will be installing gas pumps. Sounds great to me. Gas and go shopping.
02. A burglar worked so hard getting his loot ready to carry out of a house, that he fell asleep on one of the beds and awoke to the welcome of a policeman.
03. Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife are enjoying themselves in New York City.
04. Apple will soon release its iPad multimedia tablet in competition with Amazon's Kindle. Hopefully, this will bring down the prices for these e-book items.. also, the iPad will do more than just allow you to read a book the old way, but should allow video and interactivity. This should expand our minds.
05. The iPhone may be coming to Verizon sometime soon. I haven't wanted to work with the iPhone because of its current link up with AT&T, a company that I had lots of problems with over the years.
Let me end by telling you two jokes that I heard today.
A 50-ish lady was being examined by a young doctor when she started screaming and ran from the examining room. An older doctor stopped her and asked what had happened. He then went into the examining room and confronted the younger doctor.
"You know that she is a grandmother, why did you tell her that she was pregnant?"
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
.......
A 16 year old boy wanted to learn to drive. His father said that he could learn to drive if he would bring all his grades up to A's and B's, begin to study the Bible, and get a haircut.
A few months later, the boy came to his father and said, "My grades are all A's and B's now, and I have been studying the Bible everyday for months."
The father said: "The grades are great and I'm glad about the Bible study, but what about your long hair?"
The boy said: "From what I read in the Bible, Sampson had long hair and so I think did Jesus."
The father said: "Yes, and they walked all the time too."
.............................
By the time we got back into Maryland, it was raining and the wind was blowing a gale. But even that was ok.. and I heard that the stock market was way up today, and that was good. Then I made my mistake, I opened the paper to check the obits and make sure that I was still alive.. and found these stories:
01. The father of a marine who died in Iraq has been ordered to pay the legal costs for the anti-gay protesters from Kansas who picketed his son's funeral. Freedom of speech? I believe in it, but to do what these professed Christians have done to this poor family is reprehensible. I think that it is time for the Southern Poverty Law group to get involved in the activities of this hate group.
02. Nine alleged members of a so-called Christian militia have been charged with plotting to kill and slaughter scores of people at the funeral of a police officer. Thank God they have been caught before they could do this mayhem.
03. Two teen-age female suicide bombers have killed 38 people in the Moscow subway system. DC Metro employees and the police are stepping up their protective activity to avoid such activity there.
04. A 12 year-old boy will be charged as an adult in the shotgun killing of his father's pregnant fiancee when he was 11. (Are you getting depressed yet?)
05. A Frederick man has been found guilty of tossing a puppy off a bridge because he was angry at her owners for ordering him off their property.
06. Crowds of Hindus and Moslems are attacking each other with stones and clubs in Southern India.
07. An editorial by a man who calls the recently passed health care reform bill a disaster shows by his words that it is easy to criticise without learning about what he is criticising.
08. Three people were quoted on their view of the health care reform bill:
Lady in her 50's: says that health care needs to be overhauled, but not by the people in Washington... Me: well, then who is going to do it? The Insurance companies?
Lady in her 40's: says that the government can't even run the Post Office.. Me: Well, the Government doesn't actually run the Post Office any more..
Man in his 70's: says it stinks.. not happy with BO.. Me: He's got his.. Medicare or Medicaid, so to hell with everybody else.
Already, one feature of the reform should make all parents happy.. and it has already gone into effect: children may now stay on the health plans of their parents until the age of 26! That provision would have saved me thousands of dollars a few years ago.
OK.. enough of this.. let's see if there is anything pleasant in the newspaper:
01. Giant Food in Westminster, Maryland will be installing gas pumps. Sounds great to me. Gas and go shopping.
02. A burglar worked so hard getting his loot ready to carry out of a house, that he fell asleep on one of the beds and awoke to the welcome of a policeman.
03. Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife are enjoying themselves in New York City.
04. Apple will soon release its iPad multimedia tablet in competition with Amazon's Kindle. Hopefully, this will bring down the prices for these e-book items.. also, the iPad will do more than just allow you to read a book the old way, but should allow video and interactivity. This should expand our minds.
05. The iPhone may be coming to Verizon sometime soon. I haven't wanted to work with the iPhone because of its current link up with AT&T, a company that I had lots of problems with over the years.
Let me end by telling you two jokes that I heard today.
A 50-ish lady was being examined by a young doctor when she started screaming and ran from the examining room. An older doctor stopped her and asked what had happened. He then went into the examining room and confronted the younger doctor.
"You know that she is a grandmother, why did you tell her that she was pregnant?"
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
.......
A 16 year old boy wanted to learn to drive. His father said that he could learn to drive if he would bring all his grades up to A's and B's, begin to study the Bible, and get a haircut.
A few months later, the boy came to his father and said, "My grades are all A's and B's now, and I have been studying the Bible everyday for months."
The father said: "The grades are great and I'm glad about the Bible study, but what about your long hair?"
The boy said: "From what I read in the Bible, Sampson had long hair and so I think did Jesus."
The father said: "Yes, and they walked all the time too."
.............................
Monday, March 29, 2010
Weekly Dozen at 03/29/10
Some interesting items from my favorite news sources:
01. Yuk! President Bush and President Clinton were working and shaking hands in Haiti last week. Mr. Bush apparently thought that there might have been germs on the hand of his last shaker.. so, not having anything to wipe the germs, he turned and wiped his hands on Mr. Clinton's shirt... or so it seems to show in a video taken at the time.
02. Guiness egg record: A Texas man used his head to smash 138 raw eggs in one minute. The main question here is "Why?"
03. Supersize it! In an examination of all of the paintings of the Last Supper over the years, one can see a general increase in the size of the food shown in the pictures, from year to year.
04. Giant disappointment: Some British guys rowed 2,500 miles to try to win the Atlantic Rowing Race, but went aground on a reef less than one mile from the finish.
05. Crash! Last week, Wikipedia was dead for some time. I wonder how many term papers were postponed.
06. Dumb criminals: Thieves called a bank to let them know that they were coming to rob them and asked them to have the money ready. Police were ready instead.
07. More dumb criminals: A couple appeared on the Dr. Phil show and described how they stole toys and sold them on EBay. I guess they didn't realize that policemen watched the show.
08. Garbage Island: A floating island of garbage twice the size of Texas exists in the Pacific Ocean, 600 miles from California. A crew of scientists will be capturing a "shipload" of it in May. They wil be both cleaning up the Pacific, and also using the plastic obtained to try to develop a new kind of fuel.
09. Your way: A Burger King in Brazil takes customers' pictures with a hidden camera and delivers the burgers with the customers' pictures printed on the food wrapper.
10. Scumbag award: To the sushi restaurant that served its customers meat from endangered sei whales. They should throw away the key on the owners.
11. A bunch of baloney! Some company wants to etch a picture on slices of whatever animal was used in making the processed food. Pig; Chicken; Cow; Groundhog; Rattlesnake; Butcher;
12. Bad words. Well, now Vice President Biden has joined the ranks of the high Government officials who spoke before the microphone was turned off. Come on, Joe, you know better!
01. Yuk! President Bush and President Clinton were working and shaking hands in Haiti last week. Mr. Bush apparently thought that there might have been germs on the hand of his last shaker.. so, not having anything to wipe the germs, he turned and wiped his hands on Mr. Clinton's shirt... or so it seems to show in a video taken at the time.
02. Guiness egg record: A Texas man used his head to smash 138 raw eggs in one minute. The main question here is "Why?"
03. Supersize it! In an examination of all of the paintings of the Last Supper over the years, one can see a general increase in the size of the food shown in the pictures, from year to year.
04. Giant disappointment: Some British guys rowed 2,500 miles to try to win the Atlantic Rowing Race, but went aground on a reef less than one mile from the finish.
05. Crash! Last week, Wikipedia was dead for some time. I wonder how many term papers were postponed.
06. Dumb criminals: Thieves called a bank to let them know that they were coming to rob them and asked them to have the money ready. Police were ready instead.
07. More dumb criminals: A couple appeared on the Dr. Phil show and described how they stole toys and sold them on EBay. I guess they didn't realize that policemen watched the show.
08. Garbage Island: A floating island of garbage twice the size of Texas exists in the Pacific Ocean, 600 miles from California. A crew of scientists will be capturing a "shipload" of it in May. They wil be both cleaning up the Pacific, and also using the plastic obtained to try to develop a new kind of fuel.
09. Your way: A Burger King in Brazil takes customers' pictures with a hidden camera and delivers the burgers with the customers' pictures printed on the food wrapper.
10. Scumbag award: To the sushi restaurant that served its customers meat from endangered sei whales. They should throw away the key on the owners.
11. A bunch of baloney! Some company wants to etch a picture on slices of whatever animal was used in making the processed food. Pig; Chicken; Cow; Groundhog; Rattlesnake; Butcher;
12. Bad words. Well, now Vice President Biden has joined the ranks of the high Government officials who spoke before the microphone was turned off. Come on, Joe, you know better!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ March 20, 2010
Happy Spring! It is a beautiful 70 degree day here in Maryland where our weather goes from below freezing to Summer heat in a matter of days.
Lots of stuff going on today.. the Senate Rules Committee is getting ready to do their thing about the Health Reform Bill.. the robins are pulling skinny worms out of the moist ground.. the Mt. Airy, Maryland, St James Church now has two of our old television sets and 15 old telephone sets for recycling.. I delivered a lot of my beer making material to my son-in-law John so that he can make more of that wonderful brew.. and here is/are a dozen of things to think about. (Those tricky collective nouns! English must be a very tough language for foreign speakers to learn.)
01. Japanese. Speaking of foreign languages, every day recently comments have been posted on some of my blog entries, and most of those are in Japanese. How did they know that I am right now trying to learn to read their language? (It is an amazing experiece just to find out the history of each ideogram.)
Since I can't read the language yet, I used Google translator on one comment. The result, unfortunately, was unintelligible. So, maybe I'm dealing with some nuts, or I just don't know how to interpret Google's translation. I'll try again later.
02. Irish stuff: A leprechaun museum has been opened in Dublin, or so I've heard. Last year, I submitted a picture I took at Ocean City, Maryland, of a double rainbow. When I saw the phenomenon, I immediately tried to find the end of each to see if it was true that there were pots of gold there, hidden by those spritely elves that the Irish know exist. No luck, so I took a picture instead. It was a pretty good picture and was published in Creative Expressions. (When I learn to post a picture to a blog, I will add it.)
Faith.. and can ye tell me what beautiful green-colored Country is the richest in the world?
Why of course, it's Ireland, whose capitol is always Dublin.
The first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell out of my high-chair and spilled my Irish oatmeal.
03. Facebook: The Italian police have just found and arrested Pasquale (a famous crook) by reading his Facebook entries and profile.
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me says that there is a new Mafia social network site called Scarface Book.
04. Postal Delivery: I've been following the Postmaster General's recent testimony to the Senate on cost-cutting efforts. He wants to cut out mail delivery on Saturday. One of his reasons is because people don't really get much mail on that day anyway.. probably an average of only 3 pieces of mail. I just retrieved the mail from my mailbox, and it is Saturday.. there were 19 pieces of mail. I guess I am above-average. (Garrison has always said that I was.)
05. Announcements: Apparently, people in New York are complaining about emergency loudspeaker announcements being unintelligible. I would have thought that they knew that already.. haven't they ever tried to put in an order at a fast food drive in lane?
06. Q-Tips: Our Siamese cat, SuZee, has been provided with lots of catnip-filled cat toys. Does she play with them? No. Instead, she plays with Q-Tips. She wrestles with them, carries they around like they are prey, and vigorously seeks them out from wherever we hide them. We have given up.. she always finds them. Elaine thinks we should open a business selling them as cat toys. We could become rich maybe.. of course, we would have to pretty them us somewhat and make sure that the Q-Tip people did not sue us.
07. Fighting: This week I learned that there is a lady who teaches "Cane Fu" fighting. She teaches senior citizens how to defend themselves with their cane. She presented her program at a recent local Expo, but somehow, I missed it. I don't carry a cane anyway and I try to keep away from dangerous areas, as everyone should.
I did hear about a church somewhere near that sponsors violent fighting matches by their congregants so they can learn how to defend themselves in the real violent world. (I thought you were supposed to turn the other cheek.)
08. Government Work: Millie Parsons retired a while ago after serving 59 years with the FBI.. during that time, she never took one hour of sick leave. Somehow, she found time to become a champion ballroom dancer.
(I believe that Lil Steinhorn still holds the record for the longest work for the Government. She worked most of the time for the Social Security Administration in the Baltimore area. On the day she retired, she showed up at the Social Security Alumni Association office and volunteered for work. Lil passed away in 2009. She was over 90 years old.)
09. Texas Interview: Some folks have wondered what is in the latest schoolbooks in Texas.
Interviewer: "Hello, young man. May I ask you a question?"
Texas kid: "Yes, maam."
Int: "Who was Thomas Jefferson?"
Kid: "I don't know maam, was he in a TV show?"
Int: "Isn't he mentioned in your school history book?"
Kid: "No, maam.. and I just finished the whole book in class."
Int: "Do you know who wrote the 'Declaration of Independance?"
Kid: "Oh, yes, maam.. then you must mean Jefferson Davis, who was a hero at the Alamo and later tried bravely to get us independance from a tyrant."
Int: "Did you study about evolution in your classes?"
Kid: "You must mean revolution."
Int: "No, I mean the study of the origin and advancement of life."
Kid: "Oh yes, maam. We studied all about the Garden of Eden in our book."
10. Notch Babies: Well they're at it again. Brown government-looking envelopes are being mailed to senior citizens asking for donations so that they can lobby Congress for some money to make up for the reason they are "Notch Babies".
In a nutshell, years ago, Congress made a mistake in a Social Security benefit formula for a couple of months.. and some people have gotten a larger monthly benefit than people before or after them. If Congress voted to give money to those that came on Social Security right after the more-money persons.. they would have to then give money to all of the ones thereafter.. this would immediately bankrupt the US Government.. and Congress ain't goin' to do it! So.. save your own money and don't contribute to this scheme!
I brought this out as a SCAM to my fellow TRIAD members Thursday, and was informed, rightly, by one of the Police Officers in attendance, that this is not really a scam. It is just another way for unscrupulous people to say they are going to lobby for something that will not take place, while taking donations from lots of senior citizens who can't afford to donate.
My uncle Allen sent these folks lots of money. He passed away in 2009, as did many of the people who were affected by this. Apparently, there are still enough of these folks alive to make this a lucrative ploy.
But, because they will run out of "clients" in a few years, they are now recruiting other "notch babies". In fact, I got a letter this week, naming me as one who would be in the "notch" universe. Guess what? I do not get Social Security. And, I am also no where near old enough to be included in this universe.
I'll bet that these scumbags are now buying mailing lists of any and all senior citizens in an attempt to milk some more money out of the gullible.
11. Parachuting bears: Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me mentions that someone has come up with a great solution for finding Osama Ben Laden. Parachute bears down from planes over Afghanistan or Pakistan. Bears are known for being great trackers and would go into the caves and come up with their prey. One might ask how bears would like to be put into a parachute.. which would have to self-destruct on landing.. also, who would train the bears.. Russians are good at training bears, but they, like Alexander the Great and others since, no longer want to have anything to do with Afghanistan.
12. Lunch?: Can this be true? As a guy was sitting in his car, he felt the car shake violently. Upon investigation, he found a bulldog consuming one of his tires. After being unsuccessful in stopping the dog, he gave up and watched as the dog consumed another of his tires and also half of one bumper. Finally, I guess someone shot the dog. I'm not sure of this and I need to investigate.. it sounds fascinating. Was the car a formerly accelerating Toyota? A recalled Honda? Was this really a stunt dog for a movie filming? Was this a CIA training session for an Afghanistan military secret weapon, like the parachuting bear? Perhaps that is what happens when the bear lands on the ground, it seeks out Taliban or Al Quida vehicles and like the bulldog, tears them to bits. ???
..............................
Lots of stuff going on today.. the Senate Rules Committee is getting ready to do their thing about the Health Reform Bill.. the robins are pulling skinny worms out of the moist ground.. the Mt. Airy, Maryland, St James Church now has two of our old television sets and 15 old telephone sets for recycling.. I delivered a lot of my beer making material to my son-in-law John so that he can make more of that wonderful brew.. and here is/are a dozen of things to think about. (Those tricky collective nouns! English must be a very tough language for foreign speakers to learn.)
01. Japanese. Speaking of foreign languages, every day recently comments have been posted on some of my blog entries, and most of those are in Japanese. How did they know that I am right now trying to learn to read their language? (It is an amazing experiece just to find out the history of each ideogram.)
Since I can't read the language yet, I used Google translator on one comment. The result, unfortunately, was unintelligible. So, maybe I'm dealing with some nuts, or I just don't know how to interpret Google's translation. I'll try again later.
02. Irish stuff: A leprechaun museum has been opened in Dublin, or so I've heard. Last year, I submitted a picture I took at Ocean City, Maryland, of a double rainbow. When I saw the phenomenon, I immediately tried to find the end of each to see if it was true that there were pots of gold there, hidden by those spritely elves that the Irish know exist. No luck, so I took a picture instead. It was a pretty good picture and was published in Creative Expressions. (When I learn to post a picture to a blog, I will add it.)
Faith.. and can ye tell me what beautiful green-colored Country is the richest in the world?
Why of course, it's Ireland, whose capitol is always Dublin.
The first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell out of my high-chair and spilled my Irish oatmeal.
03. Facebook: The Italian police have just found and arrested Pasquale (a famous crook) by reading his Facebook entries and profile.
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me says that there is a new Mafia social network site called Scarface Book.
04. Postal Delivery: I've been following the Postmaster General's recent testimony to the Senate on cost-cutting efforts. He wants to cut out mail delivery on Saturday. One of his reasons is because people don't really get much mail on that day anyway.. probably an average of only 3 pieces of mail. I just retrieved the mail from my mailbox, and it is Saturday.. there were 19 pieces of mail. I guess I am above-average. (Garrison has always said that I was.)
05. Announcements: Apparently, people in New York are complaining about emergency loudspeaker announcements being unintelligible. I would have thought that they knew that already.. haven't they ever tried to put in an order at a fast food drive in lane?
06. Q-Tips: Our Siamese cat, SuZee, has been provided with lots of catnip-filled cat toys. Does she play with them? No. Instead, she plays with Q-Tips. She wrestles with them, carries they around like they are prey, and vigorously seeks them out from wherever we hide them. We have given up.. she always finds them. Elaine thinks we should open a business selling them as cat toys. We could become rich maybe.. of course, we would have to pretty them us somewhat and make sure that the Q-Tip people did not sue us.
07. Fighting: This week I learned that there is a lady who teaches "Cane Fu" fighting. She teaches senior citizens how to defend themselves with their cane. She presented her program at a recent local Expo, but somehow, I missed it. I don't carry a cane anyway and I try to keep away from dangerous areas, as everyone should.
I did hear about a church somewhere near that sponsors violent fighting matches by their congregants so they can learn how to defend themselves in the real violent world. (I thought you were supposed to turn the other cheek.)
08. Government Work: Millie Parsons retired a while ago after serving 59 years with the FBI.. during that time, she never took one hour of sick leave. Somehow, she found time to become a champion ballroom dancer.
(I believe that Lil Steinhorn still holds the record for the longest work for the Government. She worked most of the time for the Social Security Administration in the Baltimore area. On the day she retired, she showed up at the Social Security Alumni Association office and volunteered for work. Lil passed away in 2009. She was over 90 years old.)
09. Texas Interview: Some folks have wondered what is in the latest schoolbooks in Texas.
Interviewer: "Hello, young man. May I ask you a question?"
Texas kid: "Yes, maam."
Int: "Who was Thomas Jefferson?"
Kid: "I don't know maam, was he in a TV show?"
Int: "Isn't he mentioned in your school history book?"
Kid: "No, maam.. and I just finished the whole book in class."
Int: "Do you know who wrote the 'Declaration of Independance?"
Kid: "Oh, yes, maam.. then you must mean Jefferson Davis, who was a hero at the Alamo and later tried bravely to get us independance from a tyrant."
Int: "Did you study about evolution in your classes?"
Kid: "You must mean revolution."
Int: "No, I mean the study of the origin and advancement of life."
Kid: "Oh yes, maam. We studied all about the Garden of Eden in our book."
10. Notch Babies: Well they're at it again. Brown government-looking envelopes are being mailed to senior citizens asking for donations so that they can lobby Congress for some money to make up for the reason they are "Notch Babies".
In a nutshell, years ago, Congress made a mistake in a Social Security benefit formula for a couple of months.. and some people have gotten a larger monthly benefit than people before or after them. If Congress voted to give money to those that came on Social Security right after the more-money persons.. they would have to then give money to all of the ones thereafter.. this would immediately bankrupt the US Government.. and Congress ain't goin' to do it! So.. save your own money and don't contribute to this scheme!
I brought this out as a SCAM to my fellow TRIAD members Thursday, and was informed, rightly, by one of the Police Officers in attendance, that this is not really a scam. It is just another way for unscrupulous people to say they are going to lobby for something that will not take place, while taking donations from lots of senior citizens who can't afford to donate.
My uncle Allen sent these folks lots of money. He passed away in 2009, as did many of the people who were affected by this. Apparently, there are still enough of these folks alive to make this a lucrative ploy.
But, because they will run out of "clients" in a few years, they are now recruiting other "notch babies". In fact, I got a letter this week, naming me as one who would be in the "notch" universe. Guess what? I do not get Social Security. And, I am also no where near old enough to be included in this universe.
I'll bet that these scumbags are now buying mailing lists of any and all senior citizens in an attempt to milk some more money out of the gullible.
11. Parachuting bears: Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me mentions that someone has come up with a great solution for finding Osama Ben Laden. Parachute bears down from planes over Afghanistan or Pakistan. Bears are known for being great trackers and would go into the caves and come up with their prey. One might ask how bears would like to be put into a parachute.. which would have to self-destruct on landing.. also, who would train the bears.. Russians are good at training bears, but they, like Alexander the Great and others since, no longer want to have anything to do with Afghanistan.
12. Lunch?: Can this be true? As a guy was sitting in his car, he felt the car shake violently. Upon investigation, he found a bulldog consuming one of his tires. After being unsuccessful in stopping the dog, he gave up and watched as the dog consumed another of his tires and also half of one bumper. Finally, I guess someone shot the dog. I'm not sure of this and I need to investigate.. it sounds fascinating. Was the car a formerly accelerating Toyota? A recalled Honda? Was this really a stunt dog for a movie filming? Was this a CIA training session for an Afghanistan military secret weapon, like the parachuting bear? Perhaps that is what happens when the bear lands on the ground, it seeks out Taliban or Al Quida vehicles and like the bulldog, tears them to bits. ???
..............................
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ March 12, 2010
Old and new stuff.
01. 2010: I-PHONE Love: A study has found that many people are addicted to their I-PHONES. In fact, they found that many people even sleep with them under their pillows. (Well, you don't want to miss an important call.)
02. 1950: Cremation: A man in Wellington, New Zealand, specified in his will that his body be cremated and the ashes put to work in an hour glass. (Good idea.. he will be serving a purpose even though he is not breathing anymore.)
03. 2010: 3-D: A newspaper in Belgium has put out a newspaper edition in 3D. They even supply the glasses. (The news just jumps out at you.)
04. 1950: Gun Control: Police in Chicago melt down the weapons seized from gangsters and makes them into medals to give to brave crime-fighters. (It's probably more lucrative these days to sell them back to the crooks or export them to formerly peaceful countries.)
05. 2010: Netflix spin-off? A new company has been formed to mail fresh underwear to guys each month. (Do you have to send them back after you have used them for one week? In the 1950's, guys did not wear underwear.)
06. 1950: Teeth: I've seen George Washington's wooden (ivory actually) teeth and a guy in 1950 made a set of false teeth for himself out of pieces of scrap aluminum. (During the 1950's I worked for a time in an aluminum chair factory.. I wasn't very good at the job and lots of my chairs got dumped into a molten aluminum bath to be reformed. Perhaps they could have used my rejects to make sturdy false teeth.)
07. 2010: Drunks Crossing: In some part or Rumania, signs have been put up to warn drivers about drunks who may be staggering across the street. (Deer Crossing signs in the US show a leaping buck.. what is the symbol for the Rumanian drunk?)
08: 1950: Divorce: A man in Milwaukee who lost his wife in a divorce suit, asked the judge to at least award the family dog to him. (Sounds reasonable to me. After all, "a man's best friend is his dog.. but a 5 cent cigar is a smoke.." or something like that.. probably some wisdom from H.L. Mencken that I can't figure out.)
Incidentally, a chiropractor met with our NARFE group yesterday. I mentioned H.L. Mencken's 1927 article in the Baltimore Sun about chiropractic. It didn't seem to bother him at all.. he did say that if you look up "curmudgeon" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Mencken.
09: 2010: Diet: The French have developed the "air diet".. yes, it's like "air guitar" etc.. Like Marcel Marceau, you pretend you are eating. You make the motions with the empty glasses and plates but no food enters your gullet. This is guaranteed to help you lose weight.
A diet poem I like is:
My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet.
Dieting is not easy and no fun. Here are some tips that I have found helpful:
a. Count every calorie that you consume.
b. Put exercise time on your schedule every day.
c. Drink green tea or water before meals.
d. Chew every bite 20 times (or more).
Personally, I don't always observe these tips.. although every calorie I have had since New Year's Day has been recorded. Have I lost weight? I won't know until I go for my next check-up in April.
10. 1950: RIP?: A man in Petersburg, Virginia purchased 2,180 tombstones discarded from a cemetery and built a house with them. (Question: Why were they discarded? Is that the fate of all tombstones? At the Cushing Cemetery in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, there are headstones and footstones going back to 1810, if not earlier. One would expect these tombstones to be cared for until the sun burns the earth all up, or until cloning gets so good that we will all be recreated, and people live forever so that such stones are no longer of any use.)
11. 2010: Belly dancers: A group of 11 belly dancing teachers and students will be performing for the local AARP Chapter next month. They call themselves Anerneic Magic. I am unable to find the word in any of my dictionaries. (Kind of similar:
aneroid: containing no liquid (maybe they don't drink before performing)
anerly: merely .. Scotch dialect.
an: no with ern/erne: sea eagle (crossword puzzle word) .. (Maybe "no sea eagles" ? After all, these are belly dancers, not birds)
I am alerting the emergency people to stand by for a 911 call if the dancers turn up the heat too much for us old timey dudes. I'll let you know what happened, if I survive. You may know the story of my belly dancer who caused the Social Security Administration to outlaw such folks from entering the premises.. I don't think that will happen at the Elks Lodge in Westminster.
12. 2010: Funny phrases: Elaine mentioned a phrase yesterday in connection with a guy who tried to kill his wife with a hammer. She said: "His ass is grass." and was surprised to learn that I had never heard the phrase before.
Recently, she was amused when I refered to someone I liked as "a hot ticket."
I was surprised to find the phrase "moseying around" in a book about the Civil War.
In my library, I have a book that gives the derivation and usage of slang phrases.. I should try to find it and educate myself.. there are probably lots of swear words that I could be using, but don't know about yet. And you probably know that I have a book with French swear words and I have been trying to use those instead of the common ones in United States usage that bore me... I was, however, surprised to learn that my beautiful daughter in law already knew some of those French swear words. Tsk Tsk!
My late wife was French Canadian and her family spoke lots of French... however, when they swore, it was American words that they used.
I am going to say something that you probably will not believe.. my late wife of 43 years and I never swore in front of our kids.. and only swore on rare ocassions in each other's presence.. like when hitting a thumb with a hammer.. or when dropping something gooey all over the mail.. but you know that it is the S word that is commonly used on that occasion.
Basta! (no that is not a swear word.. it just means that that is enough of this nonsense!)
01. 2010: I-PHONE Love: A study has found that many people are addicted to their I-PHONES. In fact, they found that many people even sleep with them under their pillows. (Well, you don't want to miss an important call.)
02. 1950: Cremation: A man in Wellington, New Zealand, specified in his will that his body be cremated and the ashes put to work in an hour glass. (Good idea.. he will be serving a purpose even though he is not breathing anymore.)
03. 2010: 3-D: A newspaper in Belgium has put out a newspaper edition in 3D. They even supply the glasses. (The news just jumps out at you.)
04. 1950: Gun Control: Police in Chicago melt down the weapons seized from gangsters and makes them into medals to give to brave crime-fighters. (It's probably more lucrative these days to sell them back to the crooks or export them to formerly peaceful countries.)
05. 2010: Netflix spin-off? A new company has been formed to mail fresh underwear to guys each month. (Do you have to send them back after you have used them for one week? In the 1950's, guys did not wear underwear.)
06. 1950: Teeth: I've seen George Washington's wooden (ivory actually) teeth and a guy in 1950 made a set of false teeth for himself out of pieces of scrap aluminum. (During the 1950's I worked for a time in an aluminum chair factory.. I wasn't very good at the job and lots of my chairs got dumped into a molten aluminum bath to be reformed. Perhaps they could have used my rejects to make sturdy false teeth.)
07. 2010: Drunks Crossing: In some part or Rumania, signs have been put up to warn drivers about drunks who may be staggering across the street. (Deer Crossing signs in the US show a leaping buck.. what is the symbol for the Rumanian drunk?)
08: 1950: Divorce: A man in Milwaukee who lost his wife in a divorce suit, asked the judge to at least award the family dog to him. (Sounds reasonable to me. After all, "a man's best friend is his dog.. but a 5 cent cigar is a smoke.." or something like that.. probably some wisdom from H.L. Mencken that I can't figure out.)
Incidentally, a chiropractor met with our NARFE group yesterday. I mentioned H.L. Mencken's 1927 article in the Baltimore Sun about chiropractic. It didn't seem to bother him at all.. he did say that if you look up "curmudgeon" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Mencken.
09: 2010: Diet: The French have developed the "air diet".. yes, it's like "air guitar" etc.. Like Marcel Marceau, you pretend you are eating. You make the motions with the empty glasses and plates but no food enters your gullet. This is guaranteed to help you lose weight.
A diet poem I like is:
My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet.
Dieting is not easy and no fun. Here are some tips that I have found helpful:
a. Count every calorie that you consume.
b. Put exercise time on your schedule every day.
c. Drink green tea or water before meals.
d. Chew every bite 20 times (or more).
Personally, I don't always observe these tips.. although every calorie I have had since New Year's Day has been recorded. Have I lost weight? I won't know until I go for my next check-up in April.
10. 1950: RIP?: A man in Petersburg, Virginia purchased 2,180 tombstones discarded from a cemetery and built a house with them. (Question: Why were they discarded? Is that the fate of all tombstones? At the Cushing Cemetery in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, there are headstones and footstones going back to 1810, if not earlier. One would expect these tombstones to be cared for until the sun burns the earth all up, or until cloning gets so good that we will all be recreated, and people live forever so that such stones are no longer of any use.)
11. 2010: Belly dancers: A group of 11 belly dancing teachers and students will be performing for the local AARP Chapter next month. They call themselves Anerneic Magic. I am unable to find the word in any of my dictionaries. (Kind of similar:
aneroid: containing no liquid (maybe they don't drink before performing)
anerly: merely .. Scotch dialect.
an: no with ern/erne: sea eagle (crossword puzzle word) .. (Maybe "no sea eagles" ? After all, these are belly dancers, not birds)
I am alerting the emergency people to stand by for a 911 call if the dancers turn up the heat too much for us old timey dudes. I'll let you know what happened, if I survive. You may know the story of my belly dancer who caused the Social Security Administration to outlaw such folks from entering the premises.. I don't think that will happen at the Elks Lodge in Westminster.
12. 2010: Funny phrases: Elaine mentioned a phrase yesterday in connection with a guy who tried to kill his wife with a hammer. She said: "His ass is grass." and was surprised to learn that I had never heard the phrase before.
Recently, she was amused when I refered to someone I liked as "a hot ticket."
I was surprised to find the phrase "moseying around" in a book about the Civil War.
In my library, I have a book that gives the derivation and usage of slang phrases.. I should try to find it and educate myself.. there are probably lots of swear words that I could be using, but don't know about yet. And you probably know that I have a book with French swear words and I have been trying to use those instead of the common ones in United States usage that bore me... I was, however, surprised to learn that my beautiful daughter in law already knew some of those French swear words. Tsk Tsk!
My late wife was French Canadian and her family spoke lots of French... however, when they swore, it was American words that they used.
I am going to say something that you probably will not believe.. my late wife of 43 years and I never swore in front of our kids.. and only swore on rare ocassions in each other's presence.. like when hitting a thumb with a hammer.. or when dropping something gooey all over the mail.. but you know that it is the S word that is commonly used on that occasion.
Basta! (no that is not a swear word.. it just means that that is enough of this nonsense!)
Friday, March 05, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ March 5, 2010
Some of these items come from me, some from newspapers, and some from The Week magazine, a wonderful sheet that hits all sides of a story.
01. Famous Book Sale. The well-known Smith College in Massachusetts has an active alumni group in Maryland. They put on an annual book sale that is a book-lover's dream. I first discovered the sale while I was waiting for my first daughter to be born at a Baltimore hospital. (I won't tell you how many years ago that was because maybe my daughter doesn't want you to know how old she is.)
Over the years, I purchased thousands of books for my collection, mainly at their sales. (They sell gently-used books on any and all subjects.) When we made plans to move to our current location, I realized that I could not take all of these books with me, so I boxed them up, knowing that I could always donate them to the current year's sale. However, when the time came, I was told that they already had so many books to sell, they had no place to put my 118 boxes of books. (I have already written how I finally got rid of the books, so, if you want to know, call me up or search my blogs for Salvation Army.)
Anyway, this year's sale is the 52nd annual sale. It will take place on April 9-11 at the exhibition hall of the Maryland State Fairgrounds in Timonium, MD. Apparently that is the only site big enough to hold all of the books. I guarantee that if you go, you will get hooked, and start to amass your own gigantic library of great books. (... at cheap prices)
02. Intelligent Billing: Elaine got a bill today from a well-known company. It was a bill for $0.00 ! A nasty note was attached, saying, in effect, "If we do not receive your payment by March 31st, you will be required to pay a $0.00 late fee!"
03. Tricky Timing: The usually completely accurate magazine I mentioned above, gave the following information: "2010 is the year of Mark Twain, ... it marks the 100th anniversary of the American author's birth, and the 125th of the publication of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn..." He sure was a darn good writer to get stuff published even before he was born.
03 1/2. Telephone Help Desk: At today's AARP meeting, I was able to give my stand-up routine about a telephone call I made a while ago.
I called the 800 # for a well-known Internet provider. I had a problem and was not able to access the web. The call went something like this:
"Allo, wat is your name?"
"Joseph Vaughan"
"Allo, Yosef, wat is your broblem?"
"I cannot access the Internet."
"Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I do not understand gable."
"May I speak to your supervisor?"
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I cannot access the internet."
"Wat is your name, sir?"
"Joseph Vaughan."
"OK, Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I don't know wat is gable."
"It's an electric line running into my house, like a telephone line."
"OK, Yosef, I will look that up. Where do you live?"
"I live in the U.S. In Maryland."
"I don't know wat is merrylend."
"Maryland is a State in the U.S."
"I'm sorry, Yosef, but I ave no record of merrylend."
"Do you have Massachusetts?"
"Yes, I see that, but no merrylend."
"Oh.. to hell with it! Goodbye!"
After explaining my frustrating experience to a County administrator, I was given a local number for the company involved. I called the number and a guy said: "Hey, how ya doin? What can I do for you?"
I told him my problem, he went away for one minute, came back and said, "is it ok now?" I checked, and it was. Total time for call and fix.. about two minutes.
04. Traffic cameras: We've talked before about speed cameras and red-light cameras.. now we have "rolling right turn" cameras. In Los Angeles, there now is a fine of over $400 for doing a rolling right turn. This must be a real money-maker, because it's hard for me to believe that the word has gotten out that you must make a full stop before making a right turn on a red light.
05. Air Traffic Controllers: They are getting younger and younger. Check out the youngster who gave instructions to several planes recently at the JFK Airport.(I know that President Reagan fired a lot of controllers years ago, but I didn't know that the Government had dropped the age requirement so they could hire more of them.)
06. Oink:Oink - This is the tenth anniversary of the successful cloning of a pig. (Name of Deli?)
07. IQ: An Israeli study has found that the lower a person's IQ is, the more likely that person is a heavy smoker. (Us former-smoker now-smart guys knew that already.)
08. Brushes: A lady named Dawn Stephens has invented an all-in-one toilet-bowl-cleaning brush. (My grandfather, Arthur Stephens Vaughan, in 1900, invented the all-in-one shoe brush, consisting of a "polish dauber" on the end of a handled "polishing brush.") If I could figure out how to put pictures on this blog, I would show what his prototype looks like today. I have it on display in my den.
09. Cursing: Nepal has an annual "cursing festival". One of the curses I like best is: "May your buffaloes all die of diarrhea!"
10. Fusion? Bloom Energy says they have developed a fuel cell that can generate energy without going through the process of combustion. More power to them!
11. Crabby? Marylanders love their crabs, but sometimes they get careless about getting them. Recently, Maryland environmental police found and pulled up over 1,500 abandoned or lost crab pots from inlets to the Chesapeake Bay. These pots endanger fish and crabs. I wonder what they did with any crabs (or their skeletons) found in these pots.
12. Exercise? I read that there is an aerobic exercise called "spinning"... please don't tell me what that is, I want to conjure up an image of this exercise... in my mind's eye.. just as I did years ago listening to the radio and visualizing the scene being described. Visualization is a great exercise for the brain.
... enough!
01. Famous Book Sale. The well-known Smith College in Massachusetts has an active alumni group in Maryland. They put on an annual book sale that is a book-lover's dream. I first discovered the sale while I was waiting for my first daughter to be born at a Baltimore hospital. (I won't tell you how many years ago that was because maybe my daughter doesn't want you to know how old she is.)
Over the years, I purchased thousands of books for my collection, mainly at their sales. (They sell gently-used books on any and all subjects.) When we made plans to move to our current location, I realized that I could not take all of these books with me, so I boxed them up, knowing that I could always donate them to the current year's sale. However, when the time came, I was told that they already had so many books to sell, they had no place to put my 118 boxes of books. (I have already written how I finally got rid of the books, so, if you want to know, call me up or search my blogs for Salvation Army.)
Anyway, this year's sale is the 52nd annual sale. It will take place on April 9-11 at the exhibition hall of the Maryland State Fairgrounds in Timonium, MD. Apparently that is the only site big enough to hold all of the books. I guarantee that if you go, you will get hooked, and start to amass your own gigantic library of great books. (... at cheap prices)
02. Intelligent Billing: Elaine got a bill today from a well-known company. It was a bill for $0.00 ! A nasty note was attached, saying, in effect, "If we do not receive your payment by March 31st, you will be required to pay a $0.00 late fee!"
03. Tricky Timing: The usually completely accurate magazine I mentioned above, gave the following information: "2010 is the year of Mark Twain, ... it marks the 100th anniversary of the American author's birth, and the 125th of the publication of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn..." He sure was a darn good writer to get stuff published even before he was born.
03 1/2. Telephone Help Desk: At today's AARP meeting, I was able to give my stand-up routine about a telephone call I made a while ago.
I called the 800 # for a well-known Internet provider. I had a problem and was not able to access the web. The call went something like this:
"Allo, wat is your name?"
"Joseph Vaughan"
"Allo, Yosef, wat is your broblem?"
"I cannot access the Internet."
"Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I do not understand gable."
"May I speak to your supervisor?"
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I cannot access the internet."
"Wat is your name, sir?"
"Joseph Vaughan."
"OK, Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I don't know wat is gable."
"It's an electric line running into my house, like a telephone line."
"OK, Yosef, I will look that up. Where do you live?"
"I live in the U.S. In Maryland."
"I don't know wat is merrylend."
"Maryland is a State in the U.S."
"I'm sorry, Yosef, but I ave no record of merrylend."
"Do you have Massachusetts?"
"Yes, I see that, but no merrylend."
"Oh.. to hell with it! Goodbye!"
After explaining my frustrating experience to a County administrator, I was given a local number for the company involved. I called the number and a guy said: "Hey, how ya doin? What can I do for you?"
I told him my problem, he went away for one minute, came back and said, "is it ok now?" I checked, and it was. Total time for call and fix.. about two minutes.
04. Traffic cameras: We've talked before about speed cameras and red-light cameras.. now we have "rolling right turn" cameras. In Los Angeles, there now is a fine of over $400 for doing a rolling right turn. This must be a real money-maker, because it's hard for me to believe that the word has gotten out that you must make a full stop before making a right turn on a red light.
05. Air Traffic Controllers: They are getting younger and younger. Check out the youngster who gave instructions to several planes recently at the JFK Airport.(I know that President Reagan fired a lot of controllers years ago, but I didn't know that the Government had dropped the age requirement so they could hire more of them.)
06. Oink:Oink - This is the tenth anniversary of the successful cloning of a pig. (Name of Deli?)
07. IQ: An Israeli study has found that the lower a person's IQ is, the more likely that person is a heavy smoker. (Us former-smoker now-smart guys knew that already.)
08. Brushes: A lady named Dawn Stephens has invented an all-in-one toilet-bowl-cleaning brush. (My grandfather, Arthur Stephens Vaughan, in 1900, invented the all-in-one shoe brush, consisting of a "polish dauber" on the end of a handled "polishing brush.") If I could figure out how to put pictures on this blog, I would show what his prototype looks like today. I have it on display in my den.
09. Cursing: Nepal has an annual "cursing festival". One of the curses I like best is: "May your buffaloes all die of diarrhea!"
10. Fusion? Bloom Energy says they have developed a fuel cell that can generate energy without going through the process of combustion. More power to them!
11. Crabby? Marylanders love their crabs, but sometimes they get careless about getting them. Recently, Maryland environmental police found and pulled up over 1,500 abandoned or lost crab pots from inlets to the Chesapeake Bay. These pots endanger fish and crabs. I wonder what they did with any crabs (or their skeletons) found in these pots.
12. Exercise? I read that there is an aerobic exercise called "spinning"... please don't tell me what that is, I want to conjure up an image of this exercise... in my mind's eye.. just as I did years ago listening to the radio and visualizing the scene being described. Visualization is a great exercise for the brain.
... enough!
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