Eat, Drink and be Merry

Now is the time to have some fun, because radio minister, Harold Camping, has announced that May 21, 2011 will definitely be the day of judgement and the Rapture!  Having missed the date before, he is absolutely sure that he is right this time.  It will be interesting to see if he is right.. and that billions of the world's population who have not accepted his version of belief will be assigned to the burning fires of hell.

I saw a television shot of a couple who have quit their jobs, taken their kids out of day care, and given away all of their belongings, to get ready for the Rapture.  I'm told that there are thousands more just like them.

Meanwhile, life goes on.. however short it may be for us infidels.


01.  Ecological Travel Discount

The Week magazine reports that a brothel in Germany is offering discounts to customers who arrive by bicycle.   (Yes, I know.. that could be fodder for a lot of off-color jokes.)

02.  Mispunctuation.

The entertaining and enlightening book Eats, Shoots and Leaves mentions a classic example of mispunctuation the comparison of two sentences:

A woman, without her man, is nothing.

A woman: without her, man is nothing.

Quite a difference, right?

03. Mispunctuation

Another example from Eats, Shoots and Leaves:

Leonora walked on her head, a little higher than usual.

Leonora walked on, her head a little higher than usual.


04. The Stock Market in Retrospect

From an article in 2007:

"The Dow is near 14,000 today, a fivefold increase from 20 years ago..(this) number seems high when you look backward. But we believe it's likely that number will seem quite low to investors in the future."

Well, today, four years later, after an almost unbelievable "hit" the Dow was "up" to 12,700.  At least it is going back up again.

05.  Fertile ancestors

From a New Yorker article: "In 1800, the firtility rate among American women was about seven, life expectancy was under forty, and the median age of the population was sixteen."

"Today (2011) the fertility rate is barely two, the average American can expect to live to nearly eighty, and the median age of the population is thirty-six and rising."

My Grandparents had 15 children; one of my great-grandfathers had eleven children; his father had eleven children; his brothers each had eleven or more children. Of course, they lived in the country and needed more farmhands.

06.  Mayflower Sports

Plymouth Colony's William Brewster  (one of my ancestors) named one of his sons Wrestling.  I always wondered why.  In the New Yorker article quoted above, it was mentioned that Wrestling Brewster's name was short for "wrestling with God."  I guess I'll have to search the Bible for that reference.

http://www.unionchurch.com/archive/100399.html


07.  Study Result.. 1

A Dutch study found that people with full bladders make better decisions.  (Better than what?)

08.  Study Result.. 2

An English study found that chimps laugh at things that are not funny.  (Just like humans who watch sitcoms?) 

09.  Whew!

Teunis Tenbrook (Rotterdam, the Netherlands) was ejected from his college because he had stinky feet.  He was a philosophy student and his fellow students and teachers said they could not concentrate on philosophical issues because of the stench.  Teunis filed suit and a judge ruled that he could return to school and the professors and other students would just have to hold their noses and bear the smell.

10.  Stick-em-up!

Arizona may have already have designated the Colt single-action Army revolver as the "State gun."
Utah may have already designated the Browning M1911, as it's "State gun."

Which State is about to name the "pop gun" as their "State gun?"

11.  EMAIL Sickness

In The Week Contest for 3/18/11, Morton Ginsberg suggested a new malady:

CEFS (Compulsive E-MAIL Forwarding Syndrome)

"In which people feel compelled to forward notes, jokes, or articles of miniscule importance to everyone on their mailing list."

12.  Nikita

Fifty years ago, Kruschev visited the United States and said: "We will bury you!"  Well, you see what happened.

While here, Mr. Kruschev was most impressed with Railroad Station lockers.. saying there was no such thing in Russia.

Mr. Kruschev became very upset when he wasn't allowed to visit Disneyland.  The Sun Paper in Baltimore had the headline:  K BLOWS TOP!

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Conversation

One of my favorite movies: The Wrong Box has an elderly character who likes to share facts with anyone who is nearby. At one point in the movie, he gets a chance to ride on a horse-drawn wagon for an hour, seated next to the driver.

As they enter the town, he breaks off his monologue and tells the driver that he would now be able to disembark. The driver, clearly battered and worn from his rider's incessant chatter, says: "Oh, would you?" (with an implied PLEASE!)

So it is with blogs. The good thing though, is that one can avoid visiting the site or one can block the writer's entries, at least on Facebook.

With that bit of off-hand advice, I will continue with my blog entry.

01. Death of another Icon: Dan Shorr passed away at 93 on Friday. I didn't always agree with his actions, but usually I agreed with his commentary. Besides, anyone on Nixon's Enemies List has to be someone I admire.

02. Hate Groups. The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) says that they are now tracking 23 organized extremist groups in Maryland. They also state that there are 1,753 active extremist groups in the U.S. Anti-immigrant groups have grown astronomically recently.

Let me ask one question related to immigration: If suddenly all illegal aliens were kicked out, who would pick our fruit and vegetables, clean the toilets in our fast food joints, or watch the children of our elected officials?

03. Gun control: Comic, Chris Rock says he has the solution to the "bearing arms" issue. "Bullets should cost $3,000 each." That way, only serious hunters would have them..and children and crooks might be deterred. What do you think?

04. Bliss. Jeremy Quinn, Mensan, says: "The beautiful thing about marriage is that you can wear your old, discolored shirt in front of her when it would embarass you no end should anyone else witness it."

05. Harvard grads? Massachusetts put out a list of the top 1,000 State tourist attractions.. but the list only showed 996 places, and some of them don't exist. (I'll have to look for New Bedford entries. A few years ago, I compiled my own list of about 100 places to go and things to do in the geater NB area. I would be glad to share it.)

06. Nature's Bounty. Last year, we discovered the Earthbox and grew lots of vegetables on our back deck. This year, we bought three more and are enjoying lots of delicious home-grown veggies, such as giant zuchini, giant cucumbers, tomatoes of all kinds, patti-pan squash, .. and even corn!
(Google Earthbox)

07. Toastmasters take note: Shakespeare wrote 31,959 speeches! (Could Bacon have done that?)

08. Mushrooms: The Crystal Falls, Michigan Humungus Fungus Fest will be held in August. I believe that they make a 10' x 10' mushroom pizza. (Is it true that there is a mushroom growing on 37 acres underground..that is 1,500 years old?)
http://www.humungusfungusfest.com/

09. Sarah sez: New word.. refudiate. Is this related to Elmer Fudd's dislike of Bugs?

10. The Bard: Sarah said that Shakespeare made up new words all the time..when he wasn't writing thousands of speeches. Mensa has a Special Interest Group (SIG) for Shakespeare lovers.. it's called Bardolatry and can be found on Facebook.

11. Jobs: Maybe we should move to Bell, California. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me reports that the Bell City Manager is paid $787,000 and it's Police Chief is paid $457,000. I wonder what the salaries are for L.A., which probably has a rather larger population?

12. Burning Question: Is this the year twenty ten, two thousand ten, or two thousand and ten? (Answer, from Mensan Richard Lederer.. "twenty ten ... saves five letters, one syllable, and one word." I know, you are wondering why us guys with genius IQ's are spending time on this subject. I wonder too.)

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Weekly Dozen @ March 12, 2010

Old and new stuff.

01. 2010: I-PHONE Love: A study has found that many people are addicted to their I-PHONES. In fact, they found that many people even sleep with them under their pillows. (Well, you don't want to miss an important call.)

02. 1950: Cremation: A man in Wellington, New Zealand, specified in his will that his body be cremated and the ashes put to work in an hour glass. (Good idea.. he will be serving a purpose even though he is not breathing anymore.)

03. 2010: 3-D: A newspaper in Belgium has put out a newspaper edition in 3D. They even supply the glasses. (The news just jumps out at you.)

04. 1950: Gun Control: Police in Chicago melt down the weapons seized from gangsters and makes them into medals to give to brave crime-fighters. (It's probably more lucrative these days to sell them back to the crooks or export them to formerly peaceful countries.)

05. 2010: Netflix spin-off? A new company has been formed to mail fresh underwear to guys each month. (Do you have to send them back after you have used them for one week? In the 1950's, guys did not wear underwear.)

06. 1950: Teeth: I've seen George Washington's wooden (ivory actually) teeth and a guy in 1950 made a set of false teeth for himself out of pieces of scrap aluminum. (During the 1950's I worked for a time in an aluminum chair factory.. I wasn't very good at the job and lots of my chairs got dumped into a molten aluminum bath to be reformed. Perhaps they could have used my rejects to make sturdy false teeth.)

07. 2010: Drunks Crossing: In some part or Rumania, signs have been put up to warn drivers about drunks who may be staggering across the street. (Deer Crossing signs in the US show a leaping buck.. what is the symbol for the Rumanian drunk?)

08: 1950: Divorce: A man in Milwaukee who lost his wife in a divorce suit, asked the judge to at least award the family dog to him. (Sounds reasonable to me. After all, "a man's best friend is his dog.. but a 5 cent cigar is a smoke.." or something like that.. probably some wisdom from H.L. Mencken that I can't figure out.)

Incidentally, a chiropractor met with our NARFE group yesterday. I mentioned H.L. Mencken's 1927 article in the Baltimore Sun about chiropractic. It didn't seem to bother him at all.. he did say that if you look up "curmudgeon" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Mencken.

09: 2010: Diet: The French have developed the "air diet".. yes, it's like "air guitar" etc.. Like Marcel Marceau, you pretend you are eating. You make the motions with the empty glasses and plates but no food enters your gullet. This is guaranteed to help you lose weight.

A diet poem I like is:

My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet.

Dieting is not easy and no fun. Here are some tips that I have found helpful:

a. Count every calorie that you consume.
b. Put exercise time on your schedule every day.
c. Drink green tea or water before meals.
d. Chew every bite 20 times (or more).

Personally, I don't always observe these tips.. although every calorie I have had since New Year's Day has been recorded. Have I lost weight? I won't know until I go for my next check-up in April.

10. 1950: RIP?: A man in Petersburg, Virginia purchased 2,180 tombstones discarded from a cemetery and built a house with them. (Question: Why were they discarded? Is that the fate of all tombstones? At the Cushing Cemetery in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, there are headstones and footstones going back to 1810, if not earlier. One would expect these tombstones to be cared for until the sun burns the earth all up, or until cloning gets so good that we will all be recreated, and people live forever so that such stones are no longer of any use.)

11. 2010: Belly dancers: A group of 11 belly dancing teachers and students will be performing for the local AARP Chapter next month. They call themselves Anerneic Magic. I am unable to find the word in any of my dictionaries. (Kind of similar:

aneroid: containing no liquid (maybe they don't drink before performing)
anerly: merely .. Scotch dialect.
an: no with ern/erne: sea eagle (crossword puzzle word) .. (Maybe "no sea eagles" ? After all, these are belly dancers, not birds)

I am alerting the emergency people to stand by for a 911 call if the dancers turn up the heat too much for us old timey dudes. I'll let you know what happened, if I survive. You may know the story of my belly dancer who caused the Social Security Administration to outlaw such folks from entering the premises.. I don't think that will happen at the Elks Lodge in Westminster.

12. 2010: Funny phrases: Elaine mentioned a phrase yesterday in connection with a guy who tried to kill his wife with a hammer. She said: "His ass is grass." and was surprised to learn that I had never heard the phrase before.

Recently, she was amused when I refered to someone I liked as "a hot ticket."

I was surprised to find the phrase "moseying around" in a book about the Civil War.

In my library, I have a book that gives the derivation and usage of slang phrases.. I should try to find it and educate myself.. there are probably lots of swear words that I could be using, but don't know about yet. And you probably know that I have a book with French swear words and I have been trying to use those instead of the common ones in United States usage that bore me... I was, however, surprised to learn that my beautiful daughter in law already knew some of those French swear words. Tsk Tsk!

My late wife was French Canadian and her family spoke lots of French... however, when they swore, it was American words that they used.

I am going to say something that you probably will not believe.. my late wife of 43 years and I never swore in front of our kids.. and only swore on rare ocassions in each other's presence.. like when hitting a thumb with a hammer.. or when dropping something gooey all over the mail.. but you know that it is the S word that is commonly used on that occasion.


Basta! (no that is not a swear word.. it just means that that is enough of this nonsense!)

Hodge Podge for Saturday September 5th, 2009

While on my train ride to Massachusetts last week, I read quite a few newspapers and a few things caught my interest. I want to share them with you.

01. The ratio of civilian contractors to military personnel is higher now in Afghanistan than it has been anywhere else, in any other war. Check out the following approximate percentages:

World War I: 5%
World War II: 10%
Korea: 25%
VietNam: 15%
Balkans: 50%
Iraq: 50%
Afghanistan: 70%

Source: Congressional Research Service.. by the New York Times.

Well, at least our soldiers don't have to pull KP anymore or clean latrines.

Although it might anger some of my contractor friends, I would like to say that even though my experience with contractors in the Federal Government was cordial, I did feel that what they were doing could probably be much cheaper done with Government employees. For example, one project that my Branch was responsible for concerned 10,000 elderly people. I felt that one programmer in my Branch could do the job on a PC and complete it in a couple of years.

I was overruled. The job was contracted out as a large-scale computer job and when I last checked, years later, the job is still in existence, not quite completed.

02. Dr. Mark B. McClellan, former Medicare administrator under George W. Bush, has proposed promoting personal health by taxing sugary soft drinks.

Right now, I am trying to buy a Toyota Rav4. This is a small car, but is considered a "mini SUV". Being an SUV, it has giant cup holders like all SUV's. I read somewhere that SUV's that do not have giant cup holders do not get sold. People need a place to put their "supersized" calorie-loaded cokes and pepsi's. (The Toyota Rav4 has added inserts to put into the giant holders, so that us guys who drink "undersized" fluids won't have our drinks rattling around as we drive. They have also added water bottle holders in the side doors. Nice touch!)

A few years ago, I sold my Coke stock... bad move. However, I did keep my Pepsi stock. In spite of the Recession, Pepsi has continued to send me small quarterly dividends. I do not drink sugary soft drinks myself, and neither does Elaine, unless she needs a swift caffeine "fix".

03. I see where a one-story 3,100 square foot building in the Clinton area of Manhattan (10th Ave at 52nd St) is on the market for $3.8 million. It offers a potential income of $75,000. from billboards and has 18,912 square feet in "air rights". (What does that mean? Can't airplanes fly over it? Can the building be built into a skyscraper? Not a very high one I would guess. If they just relied on the billboard income, it would take about 50 years to break even.)

04. Two of the three largest U.S. tobacco companies have filed suit to block marketing restrictions in a law that gives the Food and Drug Administration authority over tobacco. The tobacco makers of Camels, Newport, and others claim that the law (The Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act) severely restricts the few remaining channels open for them to communicate with adult tobacco consumers. They claim that they won't even be able to use color lettering in their ads.

Too bad, guys! I think that the ads should be outlawed completely. Most ads that I have seen (like the suggestive Joe Camel and others) are made to appeal directly to those of our population, namely the young, whose medula oblongatas have not yet matured and who cannot see far enough into the future to visualize their painful throat and lung cancer deaths.

05. The Chicago-based Mercy for Animals organization has issued an undercover video shot at an Iowa chicken hatchery. The video shows unwanted male chicks being tossed alive into a grinder. Apparently, this is common industry practice. (Where is Sinclair Lewis when we need him?)

06. If you have a spare $8.75 million, you can buy Bernie Madoff's Long Island beach home. The ocean-front location is spectacular, but the house is kind of small for a millionaire. Also, there is no garage and no walk-in closets. The home was seized by the U.S. Marshals Service and they have put the property on the market to pay back some investors. Go to www.nytimes.com/business for a slide show of the house.

07. A giant identity theft ring, run by a man from Waldorf, Maryland, has been broken up. There were hundreds of victims, including the wife of Ben Bernanke. The gang of ten people would obtain bank information from stolen wallets and purses and a "bewigged" member of the gang would go to the banks and clean them out.

08. There was a recent cartoon by Horsey in the Providence Journal that showed a Fox Newsman interviewing a middle-aged gentleman carrying a sub-machine gun, and wearing two pistols in holsters. The interviewer asks: "What message are you trying to send by bringing guns to a Presidential event?" The armed man replies: "Guns are chick magnets."
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Crazy News

There are a number of news stories today that make me think that the world has gone mad. Let me mention just a few of them. (Since I'm not privy to the actual facts and am just reading these stories in magazines or newspapers, I may be reporting on erroneous or misleading items in those media.) But anyway, here goes:

1. The Justice Department has said that they will drop corruption charges against former Alaskan Senator, Ted Stevens, because of prosecutorial misconduct. Huh? Was the whole thing a ploy to get the old-timer out of the Senate?

2.The Principal of Peabody High School in Massachusetts has shut down the students' monthly ice cream socials because everybody knows that ice cream is not good for you.

3. North Korea claims that it launched a satellite that is broadcasting communistic slogans. The world has yet to be able to tune in to this program.

4. A woman in Maryland walked into the propeller of an airplane. I wonder why.

5. In Pittsburgh, three policemen were killed when they responded to a 911 call for help in a fight between a woman and her son over a dog urinating in the house.

6. In Georgia, a jail inmate escaped, stole a lot of cigarettes, and then tried to break back into the jail.

7. A 79 year old Florida woman recieved a "priority" invitation to join the U.S. Marines.

8. A British chicken farmer has urged consumers to buy "medium" eggs, because he says it is painful for chickens to lay larger eggs.

9. A Pennsylvania man tried to do a hold-up at a convention of police officers.

10. Ex-President George W. Bush plans to give 10 speeches this year "to make some money".

11. A study has found that fidgeting kids are not being inattentive, they are just trying to stay focused. Parents are urged not to nag kids to "sit still" anymore.

12. Residents of Broughton in Southern England formed a human chain to turn away a car full of people shooting pictures for Google Street View.

13. A measure sponsored by Senator John Ensign of Nevada would repeal DC's strict gun registration requirements and its restrictions on semi-automatic weapons.

14. The father of a son who beat his mother to death in Maryland said that except for that one act, every man would be glad to have him as a son.

Enough!

Shooting Sprees

At least 47 people have been killed in mass shootings in the US in the past month. Why? What is this obsession for violence in our country? Does this happen in other countries? My hunting friends tell me that "guns don't kill people, people kill people." I'm sure that is right, but perhaps we should somehow keep guns out of the hands of killers and just in the hands of true hunters.

When I was 16, some of my friends invited me to go "coon hunting" with them. I didn't have a gun of any kind, so I declined. However, I did think that I might buy one so that I could hunt with my friends. Unfortunately, during that same hunt, one of my friends accidently shot and killed another of my 16 year old friends, a young man with great potential. That changed my mind, and I didn't want to have anything to do with guns.

When I was in the service, I visited the firing range one time. Even though I couldn't even see the targets, I was awarded the "sharpshooter" disignation. I think they must have mixed my scores up with someone elses. But what did it matter? After all, I was in the Air Force. Why would I need to use a gun. Boy, was I wrong.

For a year and a half, I was stationed near Nuernberg Germany, in a small place called Mausdorf (Mouse Village). I was more or less in charge of a Cryptography van, in which I had to have access to a "burp gun." This was a kind of machine gun that fired large '45 bullets. I was instructed to "shoot to kill" any of the "commies" that tried to break into the van. Luckily for me (and I guess for them also) the "commies" were over two hundred miles away, in the East Zone.

However, I did have a strange experience one day while I was in the van. (I usually worked alone in the van.) It was located next to the site entrance where an Air Policeman was always stationed. On this day, the cop was a guy who I had beaten in Black Jack the day before, when I discovered how he was cheating, and used it against him during the play. I took all his money and in desperation, he put up his elegant, very expensive sunglasses, and when I won them as well, he got very angry. (The sunglass story is much more detailed and worth a blog all by itself.)

My Airpoliceman friend was still stewing the next day when he was on duty. He knew I was alone in the van and decided to show his disdain for my card-playing prowess by firing his burp gun at the van. At first I thought that those commies had attacked, but when I peeped out an eyehole, I saw him firing dead-on at the sides of the van. The '45 size slugs were powerful, but no match for the armor on the van. In fact, you could hardly see any dents later. But, as the van got hit, it rocked back and forth violently. Finally, either he got tired of it, or ran out of ammunition, or somebody showed up to watch him. He quit firing, and when I got up enough courage to walk out, he came over, shook my hand and we became friends (kind of). He was the first person that I had ever met who came from Baltimore, and I wondered if all Baltimoreans were like him. I found out later that this was not the case.... thank God.

There were a few other times when I had encounters with guns and bullets. They took place when I was stationed on top of a mountain in the Schnee Eifel area of Germany. I was there for 18 months and had made a friendship with a very large Indian from Oklahoma. He was, of course, called Chief, and I saw him busted (very unfairly) from Master Sargeant to Airman Basic by a new 2nd Lieutenant. (Subject of another blog.) Oh.. Chief had been a Code-Talker in WWII.

Depressed by being busted, Chief decided to become a drunk.. every night. But, about once every month, Chief drank much more than usual and went on a "warpath".

We were billeted in a long quanset hut type of barracks and we slept in double-decker metal bunks. On these monthly adventures, Chief would burst into the quarters yelling and whooping and firing a '45, putting holes in walls and ceilings. We would quickly climb under the bottom bunks and hide until Chief got it all out of his system, usually in 5 or 10 minutes. And nobody ever got wounded. The next day, Chief would go around making apologies and swearing never to do it again.

One night, a new 2nd lieutenant (I did not like them, can't you tell), was in charge of the barracks. He didn't know about Chief's peccadilloes and came running into the quarters just after Chief had run out of ammunition. When he came in, he yelled "attention!" and we all came out of hiding and stood next to our bunks, including Chief. The Lt. asked who was firing a gun.. nobody replied, so he started an inspection.. he went from bunk to bunk, lifting up the bed clothes as he walked along, looking for the gun. When he came to Chief's bed, he lifted up the pillow and there was Chief's gun, still hot from firing. He got red in the face, then he looked up at the 6 foot 5 inch 300 pound wild-looking Indian standing before him, reached down, covered up the gun, and continued on with his inspection.

Last year, President Bush awarded a medal to one of the last WWII Code Talkers. I think it was given to Chief.

Some of my friends in Carroll County, and some of my relatives in Massachusetts are hunters. I know that the deer population is out of control and needs to be culled, but I also hope that the meat is put to good use and not just thrown away.

One of my relatives goes bear hunting in Maine. He baits an area under a big tree in which he has built a "blind" from which to shoot bears. The bears get used to coming to the bottom of the tree to get a treat and when my relative senses the time is right, he climbs the tree and shoots the bears as they come to eat. I told him that I read that bears are great tree climbers.. so isn't it dangerous? He said: YES.. so you have to get a perfect shot right away... or the bear will get you. ... Recently, I heard that my relative is suffering the early effects of Alzheimers. And, he is still hunting bears!!

More on this later.