Well, I finally did it. I obtained a "DROID" from Verizon. I'm liking it already even though I had a rocky start. I wanted to get an IPHONE, but my history record with AT&T has also been rocky. So, I got what is considered by some people to be equivalent. Can I share some of my experiences so far?
01. Get the DROID! Verizon would not sell me the phone until my current 2 year committment was up .. otherwise, I would have had to pay close to $700. Waiting, I would then only have to pay between $100 and $200 (after rebates of course). When I walked into the Verizon store I was asked to wait another ten days so that I could get even more rebates. That was nice of them.
When I got the DROID, I asked for the manual and was given a tiny "get started" booklet. Not enough information. I called Verizon and after 30 minutes of chit-chat with an automaton, I was connected to a nice human guy who told me how to download a manual from Motorola, the maker of the DROID.
02. You called? On my first day with the DROID, and before I got the manual, I received a call from a nice elderly lady. It was a wrong number and she apologized. After the call, I looked at the call log and there was an entry for the wrong number, so I decided to delete it like I sometimes did with my old cell phone. Suddenly the DROID came alive and dialed that lady. I apologized.
As I tried to close the phone app, DROID dialed her again.. and again.. and again.. I apologized.. I apologized.. I apologized.
Finally, I must have hit the right combination of keys (touches) and the phone app went away.
I decided not to do any phone calling until I read the manual. Meanwhile, someone called and I was afraid to answer it.. much later, when I figured out how to hear my messages, I found out that the call was from my sister, who was in Baltimore for the Preakness. Damn! I might have been able to meet with her.. but then it was too late and she was already back in New Bedford.
03. Scary DROID! When the DROID cycles on or off.. an eerie Twilight Zone voice says its name.
And when it awakens from sleep time, a round Motorola sign appears and a searchlight beams out from the sign that looks just like Batman's sky signal. Very clever.
04. Take a Trip! I apparently don't know how to do the MAPS app yet. It knew my location and had it pinpointed as soon as I touched the icon. After that I plugged in a destination nearby and set it off.
A voice immediately came on to tell me the first direction to take. "Drive down Weller Way!" Since I did not need to hear it, I shut the DROID off.. or so I thought.
I left the room and the DROID was on the table near Elaine. All of a sudden, the voice came out of the DROID and gave the next direction "Turn on to Luther Drive!" And then it was silent again. It "scared the daylights out of her". (what a strange expression)
Five minutes later, the voice said: "Turn left at Old New Windsor Drive" and then shut up again.
I did everything I could think of the get this app to give up the ghost.. and I thought that I had been successful, when it shouted out: "Turn right at Route 31."
Eventually, I was able to shut it off.. but I still don't know how I did it.
So, as you can see, I am having fun with this gadget especially since the Internet access is extremely fast and the push out keyboard is better even than the one on my notebook pc.
.................................................................................................................................
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Weekly Dozen
Thanks to The Week magazine, Mensa news, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, NPR Radio and my experiences, there always seems to be 12 weird things to mention each week:
01. Eureka! At last the lightbulb shown over comic book characters when they have a great idea has been recognized as not just a comic convention. A recent study showed that when an ordinary light bulb is turned on over a person's head, they become more creative. (Flurescent bulbs don't work the same way. Neither do tulip bulbs.)
02. X-Ray Vison. Speaking of comics, the old comic books often had great offers to tempt young kids in order to grab their their ten cent allowances. These offers were usually in the back of the comic book and one of them was an advertisement for X-Ray glasses that could see through clothes.. "just like Superman!" Although tempted, I never gave in and I still wonder how those glasses worked.
Now, 60 or 70 years later, the dreams of adolescent boys have come true. At airports, there is equipment that does look right through clothes. Siegel and Shuster would be amazed that their Superman vision has become reality.
Recently, an airport employee filed suit to stop the teasing and ridicule he has received since he volunteered to try out the new "see through clothes" machine. Apparently, the machine saw more than he would have liked it to see.. while his co-workers looked on and began to laugh and make fun of parts of his anatomy.
03. Underclothes: Perhaps the airport guy should have been wearing lead-lined panty-hose. All kidding aside, there now is panty-hose for men, and, you guessed it, it's called "manty-hose".
Since women don't seem to want to wear panty-hose anymore, other uses must be developed for the ones that are left over. I found that if you took a pair of your wife's old panty-hose and cut the legs with scissors so that you made circular bands, they were ideal for staking us unruly tomato plants. Since I plan to have unruly tomato plants again this year, I will have to get more panty-hose to cut up. This is a problem for some single men.. There is no way that a non-quiche eating man would purchase ladies' underwear. (I'm assuming that "manty-hose" isn't on the market yet. I could be wrong.)
04. Equal Rights: Even though this blog is getting dangerously close to scatology, I must continue for a bit. Congress, this week, has been debating the "Potty Parity Law".. this law would require future Government structures to have enough Ladie's Rooms so that they would not have to wait in long lines. I don't know if this will apply also to public entertainment places like Baltimore's beautiful Lyric Theater. When I attended the opera at the Lyric, the men got into and out of the men's room in seconds, while the ladies were still waiting in line when the curtain rose for the second act. Bigger ladie's rooms or more ladie's rooms.. one or the other is needed, or both.
05. Lung cancer: I was driving down East Main Street in Westminster, Maryland the other day. It was a beautiful Spring day and many people were walking around the downtown of this very safe city. But I noticed that a large number of these strollers had white tubes in their mouths. I also noticed that fellow automobile drivers were also smoking, and many were talking on their cell phones while they smoked and drove. Didn't they get the message?
In 1974, I saw a message printed on a cigarette package, and even though I smoked a pipe and cigars at the time, it caught my attention. It read: "Smoking causes lung cancer." That light bulb that I mentioned went off over my head and I threw away my pipe, tobacco, and cigars, and haven't smoked again.. that was after smoking since my eleventh birthday. I got the message.
06. Oil Spill: Did a Blowout Preventer not work? BP says yes.
07. Cat's Paw: Scientists have determined that male cats are left-pawed, and female cats are right-pawed.
08. Another use for Panty Hose: I forgot this one. You can keep your onions fresh in panty-hose. (Which might be why Manty-Hose has been developed. ... Sorry.)
09. Playboy: Hugh Heffner says that he is planning to have a 3D version of the Playboy magazine. Will that come out before or after the Braille edition?
10. Oldie but goodie! Betty White at 88 years was a smash on Saturday Night Live. She got them the highest ratings they have ever had. She is a treasure and a natural born comic. Who said that old-timers must be neither seen nor heard?
11. Apocalypse soon? Somebody left me a little comic book that was not very "comic". The gist of it is that the Pope will take over the world and set himself up as the Anti-God, and everyone who is not "saved" will be cast into a lake of fire as the true angry God destroys the world. The cover page shows some chubby devils running away yelling "NO". I would suggest that the people who put out this booklet relax and sit back and stop scaring gullible people.
12. Telephone scripts: Once again, I goofed and thought that I could get something done over the phone. I called my telephone company to ask why my bill was $2 more this month than last month. The call went something like this:
Robot Voice: Good morning. Please listen to our menu, as it has changed. Say or press the number .
Joe Vaughan: Two, billing.
RV: I'm sorry, I did not understand.
JV: Two.
RV: I did not understand. Please press the number.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid, please press the number you desire.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid. What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: Please press the letters on the keypad.
JV: joseph vaughan
RV: I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Hello. Please listen to the menu choices, as they have changed.
JV: Five
RV: I'm sorry I did not understand.
JV: 5
RV: That is not a valid choice. I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: &%^$!!)&!!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: To hell with it!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: Good bye!
RV: Thank you for contacting us. We look forward to continuing our telephone services with you.
................................................................................................................................
01. Eureka! At last the lightbulb shown over comic book characters when they have a great idea has been recognized as not just a comic convention. A recent study showed that when an ordinary light bulb is turned on over a person's head, they become more creative. (Flurescent bulbs don't work the same way. Neither do tulip bulbs.)
02. X-Ray Vison. Speaking of comics, the old comic books often had great offers to tempt young kids in order to grab their their ten cent allowances. These offers were usually in the back of the comic book and one of them was an advertisement for X-Ray glasses that could see through clothes.. "just like Superman!" Although tempted, I never gave in and I still wonder how those glasses worked.
Now, 60 or 70 years later, the dreams of adolescent boys have come true. At airports, there is equipment that does look right through clothes. Siegel and Shuster would be amazed that their Superman vision has become reality.
Recently, an airport employee filed suit to stop the teasing and ridicule he has received since he volunteered to try out the new "see through clothes" machine. Apparently, the machine saw more than he would have liked it to see.. while his co-workers looked on and began to laugh and make fun of parts of his anatomy.
03. Underclothes: Perhaps the airport guy should have been wearing lead-lined panty-hose. All kidding aside, there now is panty-hose for men, and, you guessed it, it's called "manty-hose".
Since women don't seem to want to wear panty-hose anymore, other uses must be developed for the ones that are left over. I found that if you took a pair of your wife's old panty-hose and cut the legs with scissors so that you made circular bands, they were ideal for staking us unruly tomato plants. Since I plan to have unruly tomato plants again this year, I will have to get more panty-hose to cut up. This is a problem for some single men.. There is no way that a non-quiche eating man would purchase ladies' underwear. (I'm assuming that "manty-hose" isn't on the market yet. I could be wrong.)
04. Equal Rights: Even though this blog is getting dangerously close to scatology, I must continue for a bit. Congress, this week, has been debating the "Potty Parity Law".. this law would require future Government structures to have enough Ladie's Rooms so that they would not have to wait in long lines. I don't know if this will apply also to public entertainment places like Baltimore's beautiful Lyric Theater. When I attended the opera at the Lyric, the men got into and out of the men's room in seconds, while the ladies were still waiting in line when the curtain rose for the second act. Bigger ladie's rooms or more ladie's rooms.. one or the other is needed, or both.
05. Lung cancer: I was driving down East Main Street in Westminster, Maryland the other day. It was a beautiful Spring day and many people were walking around the downtown of this very safe city. But I noticed that a large number of these strollers had white tubes in their mouths. I also noticed that fellow automobile drivers were also smoking, and many were talking on their cell phones while they smoked and drove. Didn't they get the message?
In 1974, I saw a message printed on a cigarette package, and even though I smoked a pipe and cigars at the time, it caught my attention. It read: "Smoking causes lung cancer." That light bulb that I mentioned went off over my head and I threw away my pipe, tobacco, and cigars, and haven't smoked again.. that was after smoking since my eleventh birthday. I got the message.
06. Oil Spill: Did a Blowout Preventer not work? BP says yes.
07. Cat's Paw: Scientists have determined that male cats are left-pawed, and female cats are right-pawed.
08. Another use for Panty Hose: I forgot this one. You can keep your onions fresh in panty-hose. (Which might be why Manty-Hose has been developed. ... Sorry.)
09. Playboy: Hugh Heffner says that he is planning to have a 3D version of the Playboy magazine. Will that come out before or after the Braille edition?
10. Oldie but goodie! Betty White at 88 years was a smash on Saturday Night Live. She got them the highest ratings they have ever had. She is a treasure and a natural born comic. Who said that old-timers must be neither seen nor heard?
11. Apocalypse soon? Somebody left me a little comic book that was not very "comic". The gist of it is that the Pope will take over the world and set himself up as the Anti-God, and everyone who is not "saved" will be cast into a lake of fire as the true angry God destroys the world. The cover page shows some chubby devils running away yelling "NO". I would suggest that the people who put out this booklet relax and sit back and stop scaring gullible people.
12. Telephone scripts: Once again, I goofed and thought that I could get something done over the phone. I called my telephone company to ask why my bill was $2 more this month than last month. The call went something like this:
Robot Voice: Good morning. Please listen to our menu, as it has changed. Say or press the number .
Joe Vaughan: Two, billing.
RV: I'm sorry, I did not understand.
JV: Two.
RV: I did not understand. Please press the number.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid, please press the number you desire.
JV: 2
RV: That is not valid. What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: What is your name?
JV: Joseph Vaughan.
RV: Please press the letters on the keypad.
JV: joseph vaughan
RV: I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Hello. Please listen to the menu choices, as they have changed.
JV: Five
RV: I'm sorry I did not understand.
JV: 5
RV: That is not a valid choice. I am transferring you.
New Robot Voice: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: Please speak or type your account number.
JV: (account number)
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: &%^$!!)&!!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: To hell with it!
RV: That is not a valid number, please type or say the number in the right hand upper corner of your monthly bill.
JV: Good bye!
RV: Thank you for contacting us. We look forward to continuing our telephone services with you.
................................................................................................................................
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Dozen on May 9th 2010
It looks like it will be a beautiful cool and pleasant Mother's Day.
Today, I would like to talk about several things, including eyeballs, monkeys, coyotes, and money. (My goal with these blogs is to make your mind jump.)
01. Eyeballs: (If you don't want to get "grossed out", jump to item #02.) As you may have read here, I have developed macular degeneration (AMD) in my right eye and "see things as though through a glass darkly" with that eye. There are two kinds of AMD, dry and wet. Wet AMD means that new blood vessels are growing in your eye and they are leaking and covering a lot of visual area. I just found out that my AMD has developed into the wet kind and I have to get it treated quickly or my vision will get quite worse in that eye.
Treatment consists of injections of a healing substance (are your ready?) into the eyeball! As you can imagine.. this is not pleasant.. but necessary. So, I am writing this to suggest that, whatever your age, make sure that you visit an opthalmologist (a medical doctor, not just a lens maker guy) at least once each year to make sure you are not developing AMD or glaucoma. These conditions are usually, but not always, conditions for aging people. Also, AMD is hereditary. (Thanks for listening.)
02. Monkey business: Nebraska Zoo personnel were amazed to keep finding that their five orangatangs had escaped from their enclosure. The only way out was through a locked door. After a lot of investigation, they found that the boss orang (Fu Manchu) had secreted a 4" piece of wire around his teeth and was using it to pick the door's lock! And all these years I was congratulating myself for being able to pick locks with a paper clip.
03. Aliens again: The leader of one of the former Soviet Republics says that he was abducted by space aliens and was given a tour of their spaceship. Russian officials are investigating to find out if he gave them any state secrets.
Reminds me of the technician I worked with in Germany who reported that his wife would ask him questions every night when she thought he was asleep, trying to learn all about our secret radar installations.
04. Money talks: I'm amazed that our stock market computer systems are so fragile that they could be messed up by some guy typing "billion" for "million." You know, that somewhere, another guy is working up a plan to do the same thing in order to make himself a fast buck.
05. Coyotes: I've just learned that coyotes suddenly appeared on Cape Cod in the late 1970's. In order to do so, they would have had to swim the Cape Cod Canal or scurry across a long bridge.
06. Chinese English: Chinglish? Wait, Wait reports that some Chinese cities are trying to clean up their English signs that have been mis-translated: one can get an idea about that by reading instruction manuals for China-made items.
Reminds me of two stories:
A New York socialite always wore a Chinese coin around her neck as a necklace. She always wondered what the chinese characters on the coin meant. One day, she asked the Chinese ambassador who was attending one of her soirees. He did not want to reply, but she insisted. The coin read: Admit one to the Hong Kong brothel.
An English-Russian translation program translated the following phrase:
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
It came out: The vodka is pretty good, but the meat is rancid.
07. Modesty: I've heard that the Virginia Attorney General is trying to get the State Seal cleaned up. He wants to put a cover on the bare breast of the Spirit of Virtue. Someone suggested that he might next try to change the State name to Ia.
08. Sarah: New phrase to take the place of "Drill, baby, drill" .. "Spill, baby, spill"
09. Lung cancer: The other day, I counted 15 people in one city block who were smoking as they walked along. The very high price of cigarettes and risk of lung cancer obviously hasn't bothered them. But (t) one doesn't see so many cigarette butts anymore; they must be smoking them way down because of the cost.
Remember the sign that used to be in men's rooms? "Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinals; it makes them soggy and hard to light."
Remember the phrase? "Many man smoke, but Fu Man Chu."
Remember Charlie Chan? Great movies. Get them on NetFlix.
10. Tight Quarters: Females will now be allowed to serve on submarines. Some of the atomic subs can stay submerged under the North Pole ice for months. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?
11. Schatzgeliebte! The Germans have developed a spray that makes men want to "cuddle". Does it last for four hours?
12. A match made in Heaven? Scientists have now determined that Neandertals (cave men) mated with Homo Sapiens (us guys) at some time in the deep dark past. (Geico could have told them that already.)
........................................................................................................
Today, I would like to talk about several things, including eyeballs, monkeys, coyotes, and money. (My goal with these blogs is to make your mind jump.)
01. Eyeballs: (If you don't want to get "grossed out", jump to item #02.) As you may have read here, I have developed macular degeneration (AMD) in my right eye and "see things as though through a glass darkly" with that eye. There are two kinds of AMD, dry and wet. Wet AMD means that new blood vessels are growing in your eye and they are leaking and covering a lot of visual area. I just found out that my AMD has developed into the wet kind and I have to get it treated quickly or my vision will get quite worse in that eye.
Treatment consists of injections of a healing substance (are your ready?) into the eyeball! As you can imagine.. this is not pleasant.. but necessary. So, I am writing this to suggest that, whatever your age, make sure that you visit an opthalmologist (a medical doctor, not just a lens maker guy) at least once each year to make sure you are not developing AMD or glaucoma. These conditions are usually, but not always, conditions for aging people. Also, AMD is hereditary. (Thanks for listening.)
02. Monkey business: Nebraska Zoo personnel were amazed to keep finding that their five orangatangs had escaped from their enclosure. The only way out was through a locked door. After a lot of investigation, they found that the boss orang (Fu Manchu) had secreted a 4" piece of wire around his teeth and was using it to pick the door's lock! And all these years I was congratulating myself for being able to pick locks with a paper clip.
03. Aliens again: The leader of one of the former Soviet Republics says that he was abducted by space aliens and was given a tour of their spaceship. Russian officials are investigating to find out if he gave them any state secrets.
Reminds me of the technician I worked with in Germany who reported that his wife would ask him questions every night when she thought he was asleep, trying to learn all about our secret radar installations.
04. Money talks: I'm amazed that our stock market computer systems are so fragile that they could be messed up by some guy typing "billion" for "million." You know, that somewhere, another guy is working up a plan to do the same thing in order to make himself a fast buck.
05. Coyotes: I've just learned that coyotes suddenly appeared on Cape Cod in the late 1970's. In order to do so, they would have had to swim the Cape Cod Canal or scurry across a long bridge.
06. Chinese English: Chinglish? Wait, Wait reports that some Chinese cities are trying to clean up their English signs that have been mis-translated: one can get an idea about that by reading instruction manuals for China-made items.
Reminds me of two stories:
A New York socialite always wore a Chinese coin around her neck as a necklace. She always wondered what the chinese characters on the coin meant. One day, she asked the Chinese ambassador who was attending one of her soirees. He did not want to reply, but she insisted. The coin read: Admit one to the Hong Kong brothel.
An English-Russian translation program translated the following phrase:
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
It came out: The vodka is pretty good, but the meat is rancid.
07. Modesty: I've heard that the Virginia Attorney General is trying to get the State Seal cleaned up. He wants to put a cover on the bare breast of the Spirit of Virtue. Someone suggested that he might next try to change the State name to Ia.
08. Sarah: New phrase to take the place of "Drill, baby, drill" .. "Spill, baby, spill"
09. Lung cancer: The other day, I counted 15 people in one city block who were smoking as they walked along. The very high price of cigarettes and risk of lung cancer obviously hasn't bothered them. But (t) one doesn't see so many cigarette butts anymore; they must be smoking them way down because of the cost.
Remember the sign that used to be in men's rooms? "Please don't throw cigarette butts in the urinals; it makes them soggy and hard to light."
Remember the phrase? "Many man smoke, but Fu Man Chu."
Remember Charlie Chan? Great movies. Get them on NetFlix.
10. Tight Quarters: Females will now be allowed to serve on submarines. Some of the atomic subs can stay submerged under the North Pole ice for months. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?
11. Schatzgeliebte! The Germans have developed a spray that makes men want to "cuddle". Does it last for four hours?
12. A match made in Heaven? Scientists have now determined that Neandertals (cave men) mated with Homo Sapiens (us guys) at some time in the deep dark past. (Geico could have told them that already.)
........................................................................................................
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Weekly Stuff for May Day 2010
Today I want to cover a bunch of stuff that I find interesting. I'll keep the long stuff for the end so that readers can quit early if they want to.
01. ET?
Dr. Hawkings says that we should not be so anxious to look for alien life. Remember what happened to the Indian population of the New World when Europeans discovered them.
Someone on Wait, Wait said that if aliens happen to land their space crafts in Arizona, they will be immediately arrested as being undocumented and we won't have to worry about them any more.
02. I Feel the Earth Move...
That Iranian cleric who said that women wearing sexy clothing was causing earthquakes was right. As a group of women were protesting his statements, an earthquake of 6.5 magnitude hit Taiwan.
03. Phoney Fido?
Does anyone remember when leashes were sold for invisible dogs? When was that? In the 1970? Now that there are a couple of generations who did not have the experience of paying lots of money to walk an invisible dog may be willing to kick in a few bucks to do so. Hey, somebody could become a millionaire with this ploy. I wonder where all those left-over leashes are being held. In a storage room with pet rocks?
04. WC?
At the local Ag Center, the rest room for ladies is labeled: Ladie's and the rest room for men is labeled: Men. What happens in Scotland? Women: Ladies' and men: Laddies.
Is Men's a valid usage? Is Ladie's a valid usage? Is Lady's a valid usage? Men Room? Women Room? Rest room? Who cares?
05. A Statement?
I have a blue Toyota Rav-4. I think that it must be a drawing card for nasty birds, because almost every morning I find that birds have left calling cards all over it. Now, I can kind of understand that the birds around my home like to poop on my car and I can live with that.. but why is it that when I park in a large parking lot at a super market or department store, when I come out of the store, I find that my car has been visited by those nasty birds... but none of the other cars in the vicinity have been soiled?
Is this getting even for me chasing cat birds away from my blue berries every year at my last home?
06. They have found me again.
Once again this week, Republican organizations have sent me letters stating how much they think of me and appointing me to some kind of local committee, as soon as they receive a contribution between $15 and $1,000. Last week, it was the Democrats. They must both have the same fund raising companies working for them.
With these letters, I get "have you stopped beating your wife?" type questions from both parties, although the Republicans are the most virolent. As an Independent, I was hoping not to get these stupid requests for money. As a former member of one of the parties, I got only one letter of these types, from that party.. now, I get them from both sides.
I hear that the Republican party in California is paying an $8 bounty for every new member that is signed up. (Shades of what they said about Acorn?)
07. The greatest invention!
This is the 30th anniversary of the Post-it note. What a wonderful tool. What did we do before? It's hard to remember. Paper clips? Staples? Corner folds? I buy the little yellow ones, about 1 1/2" by 2". I love them. I buy them by the gross. The story of its invention is interesting. American ingenuity.
08. Well done!
I hear that fuel is being developed from meat. (Maybe those aliens mentioned above will come to earth to refuel with some of the billions of people being cultivated on this planet. Remember the SCI FI story, where the aliens drop off breeding couples on each earth-like planet as a long range food supply.)
09. Wisdom.
On Wait, Wait, someone stated a translation of a German phrase that should be considered by us in the U. S.
"When the rooster crows on the dung heap, the weather changes... or doesn't."
10. Incarceration figure.
The Drug Policy Alliance cites the fact that there are over 2 million Americans behind bars in the U.S., or 1 in every 99.1 adults. This is the highest incarceration rate in the world.
11. A Collection of Nouns
Carroll County Times writer, Sue Yingling, writes about collective nouns.
A peep of chickens.
A paddling of ducks.
A hover of hummingbirds.
An exultation of larks.
A wisdom of owls.
A pounce of cats.
A slither of snakes.
A giggle of girls.
A stumble of drunks.
A wad of paper.
I don't know if she made some of these up or not. Some years ago, I worked with a guy at the Social Security Administration named Bob Hale. When he wasn't doing the Government's bidding, he collected collective nouns like this. He had a very large collection.
Bob was an interesting guy. His great, great, great grandmother was Sarah Hale (see #12 below.) Bob ran a club for writers called "Wordsmiths" and I was priviledged to make a presentation to the group about one of the world's "bad boy" writers, the infamous Frank Harris. I've always wondered what became of Bob. (He's not on Facebook or Twitter and his name is too common to connect with on other search engines.)
12. Sarah Hale (1788 - 1879)
Bob Hale's famous relative had a number of interesting happenings connected with her name. She was instrumental in getting President Lincoln to declare a day of Thanksgiving in the U.S. in 1863. She was also editor of Ladies' Magazine and Godey's Lady's Book.
But her most famous accomplishment was as the author of the poem: Mary had a Little Lamb.
Most of us learn the first part of that poem, but there are two more parts. You can check them out on Google.
And to leave you with a smile (perhaps), you may remember the "take-off" verse:
Mary had a little lamb,
And the doctor darn near fainted.
.......................................................................................
.
01. ET?
Dr. Hawkings says that we should not be so anxious to look for alien life. Remember what happened to the Indian population of the New World when Europeans discovered them.
Someone on Wait, Wait said that if aliens happen to land their space crafts in Arizona, they will be immediately arrested as being undocumented and we won't have to worry about them any more.
02. I Feel the Earth Move...
That Iranian cleric who said that women wearing sexy clothing was causing earthquakes was right. As a group of women were protesting his statements, an earthquake of 6.5 magnitude hit Taiwan.
03. Phoney Fido?
Does anyone remember when leashes were sold for invisible dogs? When was that? In the 1970? Now that there are a couple of generations who did not have the experience of paying lots of money to walk an invisible dog may be willing to kick in a few bucks to do so. Hey, somebody could become a millionaire with this ploy. I wonder where all those left-over leashes are being held. In a storage room with pet rocks?
04. WC?
At the local Ag Center, the rest room for ladies is labeled: Ladie's and the rest room for men is labeled: Men. What happens in Scotland? Women: Ladies' and men: Laddies.
Is Men's a valid usage? Is Ladie's a valid usage? Is Lady's a valid usage? Men Room? Women Room? Rest room? Who cares?
05. A Statement?
I have a blue Toyota Rav-4. I think that it must be a drawing card for nasty birds, because almost every morning I find that birds have left calling cards all over it. Now, I can kind of understand that the birds around my home like to poop on my car and I can live with that.. but why is it that when I park in a large parking lot at a super market or department store, when I come out of the store, I find that my car has been visited by those nasty birds... but none of the other cars in the vicinity have been soiled?
Is this getting even for me chasing cat birds away from my blue berries every year at my last home?
06. They have found me again.
Once again this week, Republican organizations have sent me letters stating how much they think of me and appointing me to some kind of local committee, as soon as they receive a contribution between $15 and $1,000. Last week, it was the Democrats. They must both have the same fund raising companies working for them.
With these letters, I get "have you stopped beating your wife?" type questions from both parties, although the Republicans are the most virolent. As an Independent, I was hoping not to get these stupid requests for money. As a former member of one of the parties, I got only one letter of these types, from that party.. now, I get them from both sides.
I hear that the Republican party in California is paying an $8 bounty for every new member that is signed up. (Shades of what they said about Acorn?)
07. The greatest invention!
This is the 30th anniversary of the Post-it note. What a wonderful tool. What did we do before? It's hard to remember. Paper clips? Staples? Corner folds? I buy the little yellow ones, about 1 1/2" by 2". I love them. I buy them by the gross. The story of its invention is interesting. American ingenuity.
08. Well done!
I hear that fuel is being developed from meat. (Maybe those aliens mentioned above will come to earth to refuel with some of the billions of people being cultivated on this planet. Remember the SCI FI story, where the aliens drop off breeding couples on each earth-like planet as a long range food supply.)
09. Wisdom.
On Wait, Wait, someone stated a translation of a German phrase that should be considered by us in the U. S.
"When the rooster crows on the dung heap, the weather changes... or doesn't."
10. Incarceration figure.
The Drug Policy Alliance cites the fact that there are over 2 million Americans behind bars in the U.S., or 1 in every 99.1 adults. This is the highest incarceration rate in the world.
11. A Collection of Nouns
Carroll County Times writer, Sue Yingling, writes about collective nouns.
A peep of chickens.
A paddling of ducks.
A hover of hummingbirds.
An exultation of larks.
A wisdom of owls.
A pounce of cats.
A slither of snakes.
A giggle of girls.
A stumble of drunks.
A wad of paper.
I don't know if she made some of these up or not. Some years ago, I worked with a guy at the Social Security Administration named Bob Hale. When he wasn't doing the Government's bidding, he collected collective nouns like this. He had a very large collection.
Bob was an interesting guy. His great, great, great grandmother was Sarah Hale (see #12 below.) Bob ran a club for writers called "Wordsmiths" and I was priviledged to make a presentation to the group about one of the world's "bad boy" writers, the infamous Frank Harris. I've always wondered what became of Bob. (He's not on Facebook or Twitter and his name is too common to connect with on other search engines.)
12. Sarah Hale (1788 - 1879)
Bob Hale's famous relative had a number of interesting happenings connected with her name. She was instrumental in getting President Lincoln to declare a day of Thanksgiving in the U.S. in 1863. She was also editor of Ladies' Magazine and Godey's Lady's Book.
But her most famous accomplishment was as the author of the poem: Mary had a Little Lamb.
Most of us learn the first part of that poem, but there are two more parts. You can check them out on Google.
And to leave you with a smile (perhaps), you may remember the "take-off" verse:
Mary had a little lamb,
And the doctor darn near fainted.
.......................................................................................
.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Hot items for April 24, 2010
From Soup to Nuts.. or rather from Tweets to Microbes. Ain't life great!
01. Tweets to the Library?
Could this be true? Soon, ALL tweets will be preserved at the Library of Congress. What's next? Blogs? Text messages? Sext messages? Future generations will now have actual evidence of our madness. Can you envision researchers in 2510 reading: "I just got up and I am going to eat cereal for breakfast." or "My bowels are working well today."
02. Well, tan my hide!
It has now been determined that the use of tanning beds is addictive. So, even though the tax on using tanning beds is being increased, the tanning salons don't have to worry, the addicts will continue their usage.
03. Celebrity death.
Benjamin Hooks, NAACP leader for many years passed away this week at age 95. He became interested in Civil Rights when he served as a guard of Italian prisoners in WW2. These prisoners were able to eat with the white soldiers, while he had to eat in the segregated mess hall for soldiers of color. Unbelievable.
04. Winos.
While I was in the Air Force, a friend and I went on a pass to Liege, Belgium. Before we left, one of our friends warned us about the "winos". These are bar girls who talk American soldiers into buying high-priced bottles of watered-down wine, while making the soldiers think that they will be able to have some fun with them later.
My friend and I took a city tour and at the end we went into a bar for a drink. Immediately, a beautiful young lady sat down beside us. My friend, a country boy, was infatuated with her.. me, a city boy, suspected that she was one of the winos. The girl coaxed my friend into buying a bottle of overpriced wine, and with a practised line, hinted at the delights to come. As we finished the watery wine, she gave my friend an address. She said that she would be leaving now to go home and prepare for his visit and that he should wait ten minutes and then come to see her. He could hardly wait.
Of course, you know what happened. When he went out to get the cab to go to the address, the cab driver said that there was no such address. I wonder if she had latched on to me instead of him.. would I have been gullible? We'll never know.
So, a chord of memory played for me when I heard that beautiful young ladies in certain bars were asking gullible young nerds to key their telephone numbers into their Blackberry Pearls. This turned out to be only a trick to impress these guys with the features of the Pearl. I wonder if the marketing guys learned this trick from Liege's winos?
05. I'll trade you 25 years of National Geographics for a tonsilectomy.
The potential Republican rival for Harry Reid's job has offered a solution for the high cost of medical care. Bartering!
06. Two drunks in Britain.
A troublemaking female drunk has been banned from all bars in England.
A drunk driver in England was stopped while driving a pink Barbie car.
07. Computers on wheels?
Best Buy will soon be selling electric cars as well as computers. I recently attended an educational session about services for the blind. (I have macular degeneration in my right eye) and the leader mentioned that one big problem for blind people is the noiseless electric car. I've heard from electric car drivers that this is also a problem for them sometimes. Perhaps soon "they" will come up with a noisemaker add-on. (I'll bring this up with John Stahlin and the VME.. Volunteers for Medical Engineering folks.)
08. Tea, anyone?
The Week magazine quotes Andrew Sullivan of TheAtlantic.com as follows:
"When Tea Party leaders propose cuts in Medicare, means-testing Social Security, a raising of the retirement age, and a cut in defense spending, I'll take them seriously."
I remember working on a case when I first was a Claims Authorizer at the Social Security Administration. The claimant was a famous literary American who had been knocking the whole "socialistic" Social Security program, stating that he would advise everyone not to take that "Government Handout." Well, he was now filing for Social Security disability benefits for himself and begging for the help.
09. Sit up straight!
The latest Hammacher Schlemmer catalog shows a Pet High Chair. "Satisfying a mutual desire for companionship, this high chair permits your dog or cat to accompany you at the dinner table."
10. "I cannot tell a lie."
Shame on George Washington for borrowing two books from the New York Library and never returning them. The overdue fine is now over $300,000!
I can't talk, while at Boston University (ages ago) I could not find a certain German book anywhere but at the New Bedford, Massachusetts Public Library. I borrowed it almost 50 years ago! I still have it. I mentioned it to my sister-in-law, Janine, who was working there and she advised me to wait for the fine forgiveness day. So far, I haven't been able to be in New Bedford at the right time. The fine is probably astronomical by now. Not returning this book is the worst thing I have ever done in my life. (believe that?)
11. Lactococcus lactis.
This has been named as the "official State microbe" for the State of Wisconsin.
12. Where did all the immigrants go?
By now, you have probably heard about the "Phoenix Immigration Bill." Will this lead to "profiling".. I would imagine so.
Also, Senator David Vitter has introduced legislation that would instruct the Census Bureau not to take into account illegal immigrants and other non-citizens in the 2010 Census.
.................................................................
01. Tweets to the Library?
Could this be true? Soon, ALL tweets will be preserved at the Library of Congress. What's next? Blogs? Text messages? Sext messages? Future generations will now have actual evidence of our madness. Can you envision researchers in 2510 reading: "I just got up and I am going to eat cereal for breakfast." or "My bowels are working well today."
02. Well, tan my hide!
It has now been determined that the use of tanning beds is addictive. So, even though the tax on using tanning beds is being increased, the tanning salons don't have to worry, the addicts will continue their usage.
03. Celebrity death.
Benjamin Hooks, NAACP leader for many years passed away this week at age 95. He became interested in Civil Rights when he served as a guard of Italian prisoners in WW2. These prisoners were able to eat with the white soldiers, while he had to eat in the segregated mess hall for soldiers of color. Unbelievable.
04. Winos.
While I was in the Air Force, a friend and I went on a pass to Liege, Belgium. Before we left, one of our friends warned us about the "winos". These are bar girls who talk American soldiers into buying high-priced bottles of watered-down wine, while making the soldiers think that they will be able to have some fun with them later.
My friend and I took a city tour and at the end we went into a bar for a drink. Immediately, a beautiful young lady sat down beside us. My friend, a country boy, was infatuated with her.. me, a city boy, suspected that she was one of the winos. The girl coaxed my friend into buying a bottle of overpriced wine, and with a practised line, hinted at the delights to come. As we finished the watery wine, she gave my friend an address. She said that she would be leaving now to go home and prepare for his visit and that he should wait ten minutes and then come to see her. He could hardly wait.
Of course, you know what happened. When he went out to get the cab to go to the address, the cab driver said that there was no such address. I wonder if she had latched on to me instead of him.. would I have been gullible? We'll never know.
So, a chord of memory played for me when I heard that beautiful young ladies in certain bars were asking gullible young nerds to key their telephone numbers into their Blackberry Pearls. This turned out to be only a trick to impress these guys with the features of the Pearl. I wonder if the marketing guys learned this trick from Liege's winos?
05. I'll trade you 25 years of National Geographics for a tonsilectomy.
The potential Republican rival for Harry Reid's job has offered a solution for the high cost of medical care. Bartering!
06. Two drunks in Britain.
A troublemaking female drunk has been banned from all bars in England.
A drunk driver in England was stopped while driving a pink Barbie car.
07. Computers on wheels?
Best Buy will soon be selling electric cars as well as computers. I recently attended an educational session about services for the blind. (I have macular degeneration in my right eye) and the leader mentioned that one big problem for blind people is the noiseless electric car. I've heard from electric car drivers that this is also a problem for them sometimes. Perhaps soon "they" will come up with a noisemaker add-on. (I'll bring this up with John Stahlin and the VME.. Volunteers for Medical Engineering folks.)
08. Tea, anyone?
The Week magazine quotes Andrew Sullivan of TheAtlantic.com as follows:
"When Tea Party leaders propose cuts in Medicare, means-testing Social Security, a raising of the retirement age, and a cut in defense spending, I'll take them seriously."
I remember working on a case when I first was a Claims Authorizer at the Social Security Administration. The claimant was a famous literary American who had been knocking the whole "socialistic" Social Security program, stating that he would advise everyone not to take that "Government Handout." Well, he was now filing for Social Security disability benefits for himself and begging for the help.
09. Sit up straight!
The latest Hammacher Schlemmer catalog shows a Pet High Chair. "Satisfying a mutual desire for companionship, this high chair permits your dog or cat to accompany you at the dinner table."
10. "I cannot tell a lie."
Shame on George Washington for borrowing two books from the New York Library and never returning them. The overdue fine is now over $300,000!
I can't talk, while at Boston University (ages ago) I could not find a certain German book anywhere but at the New Bedford, Massachusetts Public Library. I borrowed it almost 50 years ago! I still have it. I mentioned it to my sister-in-law, Janine, who was working there and she advised me to wait for the fine forgiveness day. So far, I haven't been able to be in New Bedford at the right time. The fine is probably astronomical by now. Not returning this book is the worst thing I have ever done in my life. (believe that?)
11. Lactococcus lactis.
This has been named as the "official State microbe" for the State of Wisconsin.
12. Where did all the immigrants go?
By now, you have probably heard about the "Phoenix Immigration Bill." Will this lead to "profiling".. I would imagine so.
Also, Senator David Vitter has introduced legislation that would instruct the Census Bureau not to take into account illegal immigrants and other non-citizens in the 2010 Census.
.................................................................
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Most Beautiful Flower of All
I was shocked and appalled by an ad I received in the mail today. It was from the Lawn Doctor, a lawn care company. The ad shows a fist with a green thumb pointing up. From the thumb there emerges a balloon with the following words within: "One, two, three, four, I declare a dandelion war."
Why do people want to destroy the most beautiful plant and flower in the world? Just look at it! Beautiful green dentate leaves reaching to the sky, with long slim stems topped by the most brilliant yellow flowers. And when the beautiful yellow flowers are used up, they transform into balls of light white fluffiness that send little angels out to sail on the breeze.
I was born near the end of the Great Depression and sometimes we did not have much to eat, so my job was to dig up as many dandelions as I could find so that my grandmother could cook the greens for us to eat. I liked the taste, and still do, especially when very hot and topped with melted butter.
The flower is also useful in the making of wine. In the 1970's I made a bunch of it.. (we had a lot of dandelions in our yard). Most people say that the wine comes out yellow.. mine came out white.. and sweet.. and delicious, if I do say so myself. For a vacation to Massachusetts one year, I mixed dandelion and port wine, sweetened with sugar.. and bottled it in small containers. When relatives and friends visited us in our vacation house, I fed them some of the wine, it tasted just like Portuguese wine (kind of like Madiera).. everybody loved it, especially one guy who told everyone within ear shot that I was the best winemaker in the world.
One of our next door neighbors here confronted me last week. He said that he noticed dandelions in my grass. He asked if I minded if he killed them so they would not multiply. I'm afraid I had to assume the Jack Benny pose while I decided how to answer him. In the interest of good neighborliness, I gave in and told him to go ahead, but my heart was not in it.
I believe that all beautiful flowers were once considered to be obnoxious weeds.. sooner or later the world will begin to let dandelions assume their rightful place in the pantheon of glorious offspring of this remarkable world we live in.
Why do people want to destroy the most beautiful plant and flower in the world? Just look at it! Beautiful green dentate leaves reaching to the sky, with long slim stems topped by the most brilliant yellow flowers. And when the beautiful yellow flowers are used up, they transform into balls of light white fluffiness that send little angels out to sail on the breeze.
I was born near the end of the Great Depression and sometimes we did not have much to eat, so my job was to dig up as many dandelions as I could find so that my grandmother could cook the greens for us to eat. I liked the taste, and still do, especially when very hot and topped with melted butter.
The flower is also useful in the making of wine. In the 1970's I made a bunch of it.. (we had a lot of dandelions in our yard). Most people say that the wine comes out yellow.. mine came out white.. and sweet.. and delicious, if I do say so myself. For a vacation to Massachusetts one year, I mixed dandelion and port wine, sweetened with sugar.. and bottled it in small containers. When relatives and friends visited us in our vacation house, I fed them some of the wine, it tasted just like Portuguese wine (kind of like Madiera).. everybody loved it, especially one guy who told everyone within ear shot that I was the best winemaker in the world.
One of our next door neighbors here confronted me last week. He said that he noticed dandelions in my grass. He asked if I minded if he killed them so they would not multiply. I'm afraid I had to assume the Jack Benny pose while I decided how to answer him. In the interest of good neighborliness, I gave in and told him to go ahead, but my heart was not in it.
I believe that all beautiful flowers were once considered to be obnoxious weeds.. sooner or later the world will begin to let dandelions assume their rightful place in the pantheon of glorious offspring of this remarkable world we live in.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
News, etc on April 17, 2010
This has been an interesting week. Let me tell you about puzzledom, funeraldom, and weird newsdom. (In between times, I have to interupt to hear La Traviata from the Met on WBJC.)
01. Puzzles:
Yesterday, I got a chance to give a presentation on puzzling to the last class of folks who are trying to learn to increase their brain power in order to live a longer and more interesting life. I had an ulterior motive in giving this presentation; I wanted to start a puzzle club in the complex where I live. I spoke to them about:
The National Puzzlers League (NPL). As a puzzler, I am known as AHAB.. my brother, Joe, is known as Ishmael. Joe is an expert on the charade types of puzzles, among others. I kind of like crosswords and cryptograms the most.
The American Cryptogram Association (ACA). Codes and ciphers. As AHAB, I used to contribute to the monthly magazine.
American Crosswords.. where to find the first one, and how to follow them through to the current day. There have been a number of popular changes.
The crosswords in the Sunday Baltimore Sun, including the LA Times puzzle and the New York Times puzzle. I mentioned the difficulty of the NY Times puzzle which gets tougher as the week goes on.
I talked about the folks who produce these puzzles, especially Will Shortz, who is probably the United States premier puzzle-master.
I also covered French, German, Spanish, Dutch and British puzzles, including those difficult, for Americans, British cryptics.
I showed the group some reference material that helps professional puzzlers, including regular crossword dictionaries, backwards dictionaries, anagram dictionaries, non-pattern word lists, and lists for words of specific lengths.
At the end, I showed them one of the largest crossword puzzles ever created.
All in all, I enjoyed myself doing this presentation; however, I probably bombarded (bored) them with too much information. I do hope that a couple of them will sign up for the puzzle club.
02. Funeral stuff.
Yesterday, a monstrous and mysterious 90-foot long black van showed up at our complex. Inside was an extensive display of funeral information, including a model of the funeral train of Abraham Lincoln, a copy of Lincoln's coffin, and lots of information about deceased celebrities, such as Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, and others. One display stated that retired military folks at the Colonel Level or above, are entitled to have a saddled horse in a funeral procession with boots inserted backwards in the stirrups. Since my military equivalent rank for my job at Social Security was Colonel, I wonder if I should sign up for such an honor. ;0)
Of course, I would have to let my son put non-skid treads for the horse on the ice-floe that he is going to get for me.
03. Sarah:
I read where Sarah Palin is going to do an environmental program about Alaska for the Discovery Channel. I believe that she will be earning over a million dollars for this effort. Somehow, I did not know that Sarah had a friendly relationship with her environment, especially as it relates to wolves and forest reserves.
04. Blind porn?
A new Canadian magazine is being published for blind folks. It will have Braille articles and some kind of 3-D representations of naked folks. Now I will have something to look forward to as my Macular Degeneration gets worse.
05. In Sheep's Clothing?
A couple of South American prisoners escaped and were found hiding under sheep skin in a pasture. Someone mentioned that they were "on the lam" for a little while.
06. Mazel Tov.
A man in Connecticut wore a bright blue yarmulke as he robbed a bank.
07. Male Vanity:
The latest boon to male beauty: Nose Waxing.
Speaking of male vanity: In one episode of Star Trek, Captain Kirk changes into a woman, and even though he still looks like a man, every time he goes by a pane of glass, he checks himself out.
Yesterday, at WalMart, I spotted a young man with many piercings. As I was trying to count them, he passed by a glass case, checked himself out, and primpted a bit. He did it again when he passed another glass case. I wish that I had the nerve to tell him not to waste his time.. because he was kind of ugly, I'm sorry to say. But I'll bet his mother loves him anyway.
08. AIDS, Anyone?
A prisoner is about to be released in New York State who admits to infecting 2 women with AIDS. He says that when he gets out he plans to infect a lot more. (Throw away the key!)
09. The Devil's Tools:
Somalian leaders have told radio stations to stop playing music. They have already banned bras and movies. Years ago, Americans liked living in Mogadishu.. I'll bet there aren't any there any more.
10. Airline Charges:
Spirit Airlines is going to charge for carryon luggage. Ryan Air (Ireland) is planning to charge for rest room usage on their airlines. (Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me said that they will probably have to install Guiness-proof locks.)
11. Harry?
The Week magazine says (maybe) some German women tried to smuggle a dead relative on a plane in sunglasses. They were trying to avoid a large repatriation fee on coffins. Deja vu?
12. Blood levels?
The famous Danish Carlsberg Brewery is going to stop brewery workers from drinking on the job, except for three pints at lunchtime. (Is that a quart and a half?) What about at cigarette breaks?
When I drove a cab in New Bedford, Massachusetts, I used to drive some of the Dawson Brewery workers and got a chance to see how they worked. Here and there they had sinks that poured beer out of the faucets. The workers could drink as much as they wanted to, all day long. I'm sure they had a few "for the road" each afternoon before they drove home.
....................................................................................................
01. Puzzles:
Yesterday, I got a chance to give a presentation on puzzling to the last class of folks who are trying to learn to increase their brain power in order to live a longer and more interesting life. I had an ulterior motive in giving this presentation; I wanted to start a puzzle club in the complex where I live. I spoke to them about:
The National Puzzlers League (NPL). As a puzzler, I am known as AHAB.. my brother, Joe, is known as Ishmael. Joe is an expert on the charade types of puzzles, among others. I kind of like crosswords and cryptograms the most.
The American Cryptogram Association (ACA). Codes and ciphers. As AHAB, I used to contribute to the monthly magazine.
American Crosswords.. where to find the first one, and how to follow them through to the current day. There have been a number of popular changes.
The crosswords in the Sunday Baltimore Sun, including the LA Times puzzle and the New York Times puzzle. I mentioned the difficulty of the NY Times puzzle which gets tougher as the week goes on.
I talked about the folks who produce these puzzles, especially Will Shortz, who is probably the United States premier puzzle-master.
I also covered French, German, Spanish, Dutch and British puzzles, including those difficult, for Americans, British cryptics.
I showed the group some reference material that helps professional puzzlers, including regular crossword dictionaries, backwards dictionaries, anagram dictionaries, non-pattern word lists, and lists for words of specific lengths.
At the end, I showed them one of the largest crossword puzzles ever created.
All in all, I enjoyed myself doing this presentation; however, I probably bombarded (bored) them with too much information. I do hope that a couple of them will sign up for the puzzle club.
02. Funeral stuff.
Yesterday, a monstrous and mysterious 90-foot long black van showed up at our complex. Inside was an extensive display of funeral information, including a model of the funeral train of Abraham Lincoln, a copy of Lincoln's coffin, and lots of information about deceased celebrities, such as Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, and others. One display stated that retired military folks at the Colonel Level or above, are entitled to have a saddled horse in a funeral procession with boots inserted backwards in the stirrups. Since my military equivalent rank for my job at Social Security was Colonel, I wonder if I should sign up for such an honor. ;0)
Of course, I would have to let my son put non-skid treads for the horse on the ice-floe that he is going to get for me.
03. Sarah:
I read where Sarah Palin is going to do an environmental program about Alaska for the Discovery Channel. I believe that she will be earning over a million dollars for this effort. Somehow, I did not know that Sarah had a friendly relationship with her environment, especially as it relates to wolves and forest reserves.
04. Blind porn?
A new Canadian magazine is being published for blind folks. It will have Braille articles and some kind of 3-D representations of naked folks. Now I will have something to look forward to as my Macular Degeneration gets worse.
05. In Sheep's Clothing?
A couple of South American prisoners escaped and were found hiding under sheep skin in a pasture. Someone mentioned that they were "on the lam" for a little while.
06. Mazel Tov.
A man in Connecticut wore a bright blue yarmulke as he robbed a bank.
07. Male Vanity:
The latest boon to male beauty: Nose Waxing.
Speaking of male vanity: In one episode of Star Trek, Captain Kirk changes into a woman, and even though he still looks like a man, every time he goes by a pane of glass, he checks himself out.
Yesterday, at WalMart, I spotted a young man with many piercings. As I was trying to count them, he passed by a glass case, checked himself out, and primpted a bit. He did it again when he passed another glass case. I wish that I had the nerve to tell him not to waste his time.. because he was kind of ugly, I'm sorry to say. But I'll bet his mother loves him anyway.
08. AIDS, Anyone?
A prisoner is about to be released in New York State who admits to infecting 2 women with AIDS. He says that when he gets out he plans to infect a lot more. (Throw away the key!)
09. The Devil's Tools:
Somalian leaders have told radio stations to stop playing music. They have already banned bras and movies. Years ago, Americans liked living in Mogadishu.. I'll bet there aren't any there any more.
10. Airline Charges:
Spirit Airlines is going to charge for carryon luggage. Ryan Air (Ireland) is planning to charge for rest room usage on their airlines. (Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me said that they will probably have to install Guiness-proof locks.)
11. Harry?
The Week magazine says (maybe) some German women tried to smuggle a dead relative on a plane in sunglasses. They were trying to avoid a large repatriation fee on coffins. Deja vu?
12. Blood levels?
The famous Danish Carlsberg Brewery is going to stop brewery workers from drinking on the job, except for three pints at lunchtime. (Is that a quart and a half?) What about at cigarette breaks?
When I drove a cab in New Bedford, Massachusetts, I used to drive some of the Dawson Brewery workers and got a chance to see how they worked. Here and there they had sinks that poured beer out of the faucets. The workers could drink as much as they wanted to, all day long. I'm sure they had a few "for the road" each afternoon before they drove home.
....................................................................................................
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Great News for April 10th or 11th, 2010
Today's issue of the Carroll County, Maryland, Times shows today's date on A-5 as Saturday, April 11, 2010.. and on page A-6 as Saturday, April 10, 2010. This allows the reader to feel as though he or she is going back in time as they turn the page. What a pleasant gimmick for such a beautiful sunny, windy, 50-ish Spring day!
A wonderful thing happened today (or yesterday, as the case may be).. I lifted up a pile of old newspapers and found a copy of the non-defunct Weekly World News from September 18, 2006. (I loved that sheet!) Just look at the news items that I missed!
01. Giant Crocs Attack! Monster reptiles attacked monster trucks at a racetrack.
02. Old Folks live in Daughter's Pool. These poor folks needed assistive living, but couldn't afford it, so their good-hearted daughter allowed them to spend their twilight years floating in her backyard pool. Because of the chlorine in the water, they didn"t even have to worry about toilet breaks.
03. Robin Goodfellow, British Pub owner has started to serve his patrons fairy wings. This has become a great draw for Barrie's Tavern.
04. An item about "Your Bottom Dollar" that perhaps I shouldn't mention.
Excuse me for a moment.. my favorite radio station is playing the Met broadcast of Die Zauberfloete, and I want to hear the Queen of the Night's famous aria. Herr Mozart may have been accused of using "too many notes" on this work, but I don't think that there is one wasted note in the whole opera. Why did Wolfie have to die so young? Who could imagine what other masterpieces still lurked within that massive brain in that little bitty body?
I'm back again.. let me jump to some Wait Wait items:
05. (Notice how I number everything.. its my excessive compulsion, sorry.) A gentleman from Georgia tried to eat a "double wicked" fast food sandwich and messed his jaws up so much that he had to have surgery. (Well, it had to happen sometime.)
06. Did you know that the first Bobby hired by the City of London was fired four hours later because of drunkenness? Do policemen have alcohol level tests in the US?
07. Another Georgian, a Congressman I believe, recently said that Guam will probably tip over if we send any more military people there.
08. Senator John McCain told reporters that he is not a maverick, in spite of the title of his book and his electioneering slogan. I guess he might be trying to become a true Conservative to get the future votes of the Tea Party guys.
09. Fewer NERDS are being produced in the US. Our technical future looks bleak. (Is there a song called: The Revenge of the Nerds?)
10. The guy who invented Wine in a Box has died. Wine snobs deride boxed wine. However, I see not much difference between boxed and bottled wine. In fact, based on wine that I have made over the years, I want to make this statement. Believe it or not, with a little care, and with a little equipment, and a little container of grapes, and a little sugar.. you can make wine in your kitchen that tastes just as good if not better than these bottles of French wine that are selling for astronomical prices. In fact, if you have a Mickey Mouse balloon to place over the top of a bottle, you can do as good a job as any of the California wine makers. This is of course my opinion.
This made me think of wine that I have been aging in the garage. I decided to try an old bottle. I uncorked and decanted a bottle of peach wine that I laid down in 1975. The cork had almost disintegrated but not quite. Opened and poured, there was not much bouquet.. in fact, Elaine took a sip and thought that it ranked (maybe a good word) among the worst wines she had ever tasted. But, for me, after a little unpleasant ropiness, I found it tasty.. perhaps more like a very sweet fortified wine. So, score one for me.
I still have some beet wine and peapodwine aging. Recently, I gave away my beer and wine making equipment to my son in law, John, an excellent brewer. So now, I will concentrate on kitchen wine, using my Mickey Mouse balloon. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
11. And of course you have heard of the crook who was chased by the cops until he climbed over a wall and found himself in a prison yard. What I didn't know until now was it was a woman's prison!
12. What about that guy who was discovered giving mouth to mouth rescusitation to a possum that may have been playing possum.
.........................................
A wonderful thing happened today (or yesterday, as the case may be).. I lifted up a pile of old newspapers and found a copy of the non-defunct Weekly World News from September 18, 2006. (I loved that sheet!) Just look at the news items that I missed!
01. Giant Crocs Attack! Monster reptiles attacked monster trucks at a racetrack.
02. Old Folks live in Daughter's Pool. These poor folks needed assistive living, but couldn't afford it, so their good-hearted daughter allowed them to spend their twilight years floating in her backyard pool. Because of the chlorine in the water, they didn"t even have to worry about toilet breaks.
03. Robin Goodfellow, British Pub owner has started to serve his patrons fairy wings. This has become a great draw for Barrie's Tavern.
04. An item about "Your Bottom Dollar" that perhaps I shouldn't mention.
Excuse me for a moment.. my favorite radio station is playing the Met broadcast of Die Zauberfloete, and I want to hear the Queen of the Night's famous aria. Herr Mozart may have been accused of using "too many notes" on this work, but I don't think that there is one wasted note in the whole opera. Why did Wolfie have to die so young? Who could imagine what other masterpieces still lurked within that massive brain in that little bitty body?
I'm back again.. let me jump to some Wait Wait items:
05. (Notice how I number everything.. its my excessive compulsion, sorry.) A gentleman from Georgia tried to eat a "double wicked" fast food sandwich and messed his jaws up so much that he had to have surgery. (Well, it had to happen sometime.)
06. Did you know that the first Bobby hired by the City of London was fired four hours later because of drunkenness? Do policemen have alcohol level tests in the US?
07. Another Georgian, a Congressman I believe, recently said that Guam will probably tip over if we send any more military people there.
08. Senator John McCain told reporters that he is not a maverick, in spite of the title of his book and his electioneering slogan. I guess he might be trying to become a true Conservative to get the future votes of the Tea Party guys.
09. Fewer NERDS are being produced in the US. Our technical future looks bleak. (Is there a song called: The Revenge of the Nerds?)
10. The guy who invented Wine in a Box has died. Wine snobs deride boxed wine. However, I see not much difference between boxed and bottled wine. In fact, based on wine that I have made over the years, I want to make this statement. Believe it or not, with a little care, and with a little equipment, and a little container of grapes, and a little sugar.. you can make wine in your kitchen that tastes just as good if not better than these bottles of French wine that are selling for astronomical prices. In fact, if you have a Mickey Mouse balloon to place over the top of a bottle, you can do as good a job as any of the California wine makers. This is of course my opinion.
This made me think of wine that I have been aging in the garage. I decided to try an old bottle. I uncorked and decanted a bottle of peach wine that I laid down in 1975. The cork had almost disintegrated but not quite. Opened and poured, there was not much bouquet.. in fact, Elaine took a sip and thought that it ranked (maybe a good word) among the worst wines she had ever tasted. But, for me, after a little unpleasant ropiness, I found it tasty.. perhaps more like a very sweet fortified wine. So, score one for me.
I still have some beet wine and peapodwine aging. Recently, I gave away my beer and wine making equipment to my son in law, John, an excellent brewer. So now, I will concentrate on kitchen wine, using my Mickey Mouse balloon. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
11. And of course you have heard of the crook who was chased by the cops until he climbed over a wall and found himself in a prison yard. What I didn't know until now was it was a woman's prison!
12. What about that guy who was discovered giving mouth to mouth rescusitation to a possum that may have been playing possum.
.........................................
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Thoughts for April 3, 2010
Some notes about the richest woman in the world, the census, and funeral stuff.
01. Rich Woman!
Who do you think has the distinction of being the richest woman in the world? Oprah? Queen Elizabeth? Cleopatra? Nefrertiti?
Nope, none of them.. the woman who has that distinction is/was Hetty Green of New Bedford, Massachusetts, my old home town.
Who do you think has the distinction of being the stingiest person in the world? Scrooge? ENRON executive? Your spouse? Your boss?
Nope, none of them.. that distinction also belongs to Hetty Green.
Hetty was part of the Quaker family that controled the whaling fleets out of New Bedford. She lived from 1834 to 1916. She parlayed a massive whale oil fortune into an even massive fortune by playing the post Civil War bond market and lending lots of money to the city of New York.
It has been written that she ate dry oatmeal for lunch to save money and did not change her underwear until it wore out. At one time, her son injured himself and she tried to get free medical care for him. When it was not forthcoming, she endevored to cure him himself. Unfortunately, gangrene set in and he lost one of his legs.
It has also been reported that she once spent 6 hours hunting for a lost 2 cent postage stamp.
Hetty was a remarkable woman, who was once called "The Witch of Wall Street".. if you want to read some amazing information about this amazing woman, try the following books:
The Day They Shook The Plum Tree by Arthur H. Lewis (1963)
Hetty: The Genius and Madness of America's First Female Tycoon by Charles Slack (2004) .. I haven't read this one yet.
01. Rich Woman!
Who do you think has the distinction of being the richest woman in the world? Oprah? Queen Elizabeth? Cleopatra? Nefrertiti?
Nope, none of them.. the woman who has that distinction is/was Hetty Green of New Bedford, Massachusetts, my old home town.
Who do you think has the distinction of being the stingiest person in the world? Scrooge? ENRON executive? Your spouse? Your boss?
Nope, none of them.. that distinction also belongs to Hetty Green.
Hetty was part of the Quaker family that controled the whaling fleets out of New Bedford. She lived from 1834 to 1916. She parlayed a massive whale oil fortune into an even massive fortune by playing the post Civil War bond market and lending lots of money to the city of New York.
It has been written that she ate dry oatmeal for lunch to save money and did not change her underwear until it wore out. At one time, her son injured himself and she tried to get free medical care for him. When it was not forthcoming, she endevored to cure him himself. Unfortunately, gangrene set in and he lost one of his legs.
It has also been reported that she once spent 6 hours hunting for a lost 2 cent postage stamp.
Hetty was a remarkable woman, who was once called "The Witch of Wall Street".. if you want to read some amazing information about this amazing woman, try the following books:
The Day They Shook The Plum Tree by Arthur H. Lewis (1963)
Hetty: The Genius and Madness of America's First Female Tycoon by Charles Slack (2004) .. I haven't read this one yet.
02. The U.S. Census
Government sources are complaining that people are slow in filling out and returning their 2010 census forms. Duh? Right there in the instructions it says that it wants to know who is in each dwelling on April first 2010 ! Not March 2010! It doesn't take a Mensa member to understand that the form should not be filled out until April first, 2010. Or is that an April Fool joke? So quit complaining!
03. Funeral stuff.
None of us want to think about it, but we are not immortal, even though some teen-agers think so. We should all make some kind of plans so that the poor people who survive us know what to do with us.
My son has always told me not to worry because he would find a real nice ice floe to put me on when my time grows near.
Seriously, you might want to think about it. And to help you, the Carroll County Maryland Chapter of the National Active and Retired Federal Employees (NARFE) is having a funeral expert come and talk at our next meeting in Westminster, Maryland, on April 8th, 2010. Anyone may attend the meeting. It is at the Cactus Willie's restaurant. Come at 11:30 am, and enjoy their buffet. They have the second best fried chicken legs I have ever eaten! Fill your stomach and then fill your brain with new information.
The speaker guarantees that his talk is not depressing and he is even bringing appropriate door prizes. (Hope its not little pine box key chains.)
See you there!
..............................................................
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Has the world gone mad?
Today was a great day, until I read the newspaper. We traveled to DC to see the National Geographic Terra Cotta Warriors exhibit. It was unbelievable. Even though it was chilly, the flowering trees were out everywhere and the sky was blue.
By the time we got back into Maryland, it was raining and the wind was blowing a gale. But even that was ok.. and I heard that the stock market was way up today, and that was good. Then I made my mistake, I opened the paper to check the obits and make sure that I was still alive.. and found these stories:
01. The father of a marine who died in Iraq has been ordered to pay the legal costs for the anti-gay protesters from Kansas who picketed his son's funeral. Freedom of speech? I believe in it, but to do what these professed Christians have done to this poor family is reprehensible. I think that it is time for the Southern Poverty Law group to get involved in the activities of this hate group.
02. Nine alleged members of a so-called Christian militia have been charged with plotting to kill and slaughter scores of people at the funeral of a police officer. Thank God they have been caught before they could do this mayhem.
03. Two teen-age female suicide bombers have killed 38 people in the Moscow subway system. DC Metro employees and the police are stepping up their protective activity to avoid such activity there.
04. A 12 year-old boy will be charged as an adult in the shotgun killing of his father's pregnant fiancee when he was 11. (Are you getting depressed yet?)
05. A Frederick man has been found guilty of tossing a puppy off a bridge because he was angry at her owners for ordering him off their property.
06. Crowds of Hindus and Moslems are attacking each other with stones and clubs in Southern India.
07. An editorial by a man who calls the recently passed health care reform bill a disaster shows by his words that it is easy to criticise without learning about what he is criticising.
08. Three people were quoted on their view of the health care reform bill:
Lady in her 50's: says that health care needs to be overhauled, but not by the people in Washington... Me: well, then who is going to do it? The Insurance companies?
Lady in her 40's: says that the government can't even run the Post Office.. Me: Well, the Government doesn't actually run the Post Office any more..
Man in his 70's: says it stinks.. not happy with BO.. Me: He's got his.. Medicare or Medicaid, so to hell with everybody else.
Already, one feature of the reform should make all parents happy.. and it has already gone into effect: children may now stay on the health plans of their parents until the age of 26! That provision would have saved me thousands of dollars a few years ago.
OK.. enough of this.. let's see if there is anything pleasant in the newspaper:
01. Giant Food in Westminster, Maryland will be installing gas pumps. Sounds great to me. Gas and go shopping.
02. A burglar worked so hard getting his loot ready to carry out of a house, that he fell asleep on one of the beds and awoke to the welcome of a policeman.
03. Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife are enjoying themselves in New York City.
04. Apple will soon release its iPad multimedia tablet in competition with Amazon's Kindle. Hopefully, this will bring down the prices for these e-book items.. also, the iPad will do more than just allow you to read a book the old way, but should allow video and interactivity. This should expand our minds.
05. The iPhone may be coming to Verizon sometime soon. I haven't wanted to work with the iPhone because of its current link up with AT&T, a company that I had lots of problems with over the years.
Let me end by telling you two jokes that I heard today.
A 50-ish lady was being examined by a young doctor when she started screaming and ran from the examining room. An older doctor stopped her and asked what had happened. He then went into the examining room and confronted the younger doctor.
"You know that she is a grandmother, why did you tell her that she was pregnant?"
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
.......
A 16 year old boy wanted to learn to drive. His father said that he could learn to drive if he would bring all his grades up to A's and B's, begin to study the Bible, and get a haircut.
A few months later, the boy came to his father and said, "My grades are all A's and B's now, and I have been studying the Bible everyday for months."
The father said: "The grades are great and I'm glad about the Bible study, but what about your long hair?"
The boy said: "From what I read in the Bible, Sampson had long hair and so I think did Jesus."
The father said: "Yes, and they walked all the time too."
.............................
By the time we got back into Maryland, it was raining and the wind was blowing a gale. But even that was ok.. and I heard that the stock market was way up today, and that was good. Then I made my mistake, I opened the paper to check the obits and make sure that I was still alive.. and found these stories:
01. The father of a marine who died in Iraq has been ordered to pay the legal costs for the anti-gay protesters from Kansas who picketed his son's funeral. Freedom of speech? I believe in it, but to do what these professed Christians have done to this poor family is reprehensible. I think that it is time for the Southern Poverty Law group to get involved in the activities of this hate group.
02. Nine alleged members of a so-called Christian militia have been charged with plotting to kill and slaughter scores of people at the funeral of a police officer. Thank God they have been caught before they could do this mayhem.
03. Two teen-age female suicide bombers have killed 38 people in the Moscow subway system. DC Metro employees and the police are stepping up their protective activity to avoid such activity there.
04. A 12 year-old boy will be charged as an adult in the shotgun killing of his father's pregnant fiancee when he was 11. (Are you getting depressed yet?)
05. A Frederick man has been found guilty of tossing a puppy off a bridge because he was angry at her owners for ordering him off their property.
06. Crowds of Hindus and Moslems are attacking each other with stones and clubs in Southern India.
07. An editorial by a man who calls the recently passed health care reform bill a disaster shows by his words that it is easy to criticise without learning about what he is criticising.
08. Three people were quoted on their view of the health care reform bill:
Lady in her 50's: says that health care needs to be overhauled, but not by the people in Washington... Me: well, then who is going to do it? The Insurance companies?
Lady in her 40's: says that the government can't even run the Post Office.. Me: Well, the Government doesn't actually run the Post Office any more..
Man in his 70's: says it stinks.. not happy with BO.. Me: He's got his.. Medicare or Medicaid, so to hell with everybody else.
Already, one feature of the reform should make all parents happy.. and it has already gone into effect: children may now stay on the health plans of their parents until the age of 26! That provision would have saved me thousands of dollars a few years ago.
OK.. enough of this.. let's see if there is anything pleasant in the newspaper:
01. Giant Food in Westminster, Maryland will be installing gas pumps. Sounds great to me. Gas and go shopping.
02. A burglar worked so hard getting his loot ready to carry out of a house, that he fell asleep on one of the beds and awoke to the welcome of a policeman.
03. Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife are enjoying themselves in New York City.
04. Apple will soon release its iPad multimedia tablet in competition with Amazon's Kindle. Hopefully, this will bring down the prices for these e-book items.. also, the iPad will do more than just allow you to read a book the old way, but should allow video and interactivity. This should expand our minds.
05. The iPhone may be coming to Verizon sometime soon. I haven't wanted to work with the iPhone because of its current link up with AT&T, a company that I had lots of problems with over the years.
Let me end by telling you two jokes that I heard today.
A 50-ish lady was being examined by a young doctor when she started screaming and ran from the examining room. An older doctor stopped her and asked what had happened. He then went into the examining room and confronted the younger doctor.
"You know that she is a grandmother, why did you tell her that she was pregnant?"
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
.......
A 16 year old boy wanted to learn to drive. His father said that he could learn to drive if he would bring all his grades up to A's and B's, begin to study the Bible, and get a haircut.
A few months later, the boy came to his father and said, "My grades are all A's and B's now, and I have been studying the Bible everyday for months."
The father said: "The grades are great and I'm glad about the Bible study, but what about your long hair?"
The boy said: "From what I read in the Bible, Sampson had long hair and so I think did Jesus."
The father said: "Yes, and they walked all the time too."
.............................
Monday, March 29, 2010
Weekly Dozen at 03/29/10
Some interesting items from my favorite news sources:
01. Yuk! President Bush and President Clinton were working and shaking hands in Haiti last week. Mr. Bush apparently thought that there might have been germs on the hand of his last shaker.. so, not having anything to wipe the germs, he turned and wiped his hands on Mr. Clinton's shirt... or so it seems to show in a video taken at the time.
02. Guiness egg record: A Texas man used his head to smash 138 raw eggs in one minute. The main question here is "Why?"
03. Supersize it! In an examination of all of the paintings of the Last Supper over the years, one can see a general increase in the size of the food shown in the pictures, from year to year.
04. Giant disappointment: Some British guys rowed 2,500 miles to try to win the Atlantic Rowing Race, but went aground on a reef less than one mile from the finish.
05. Crash! Last week, Wikipedia was dead for some time. I wonder how many term papers were postponed.
06. Dumb criminals: Thieves called a bank to let them know that they were coming to rob them and asked them to have the money ready. Police were ready instead.
07. More dumb criminals: A couple appeared on the Dr. Phil show and described how they stole toys and sold them on EBay. I guess they didn't realize that policemen watched the show.
08. Garbage Island: A floating island of garbage twice the size of Texas exists in the Pacific Ocean, 600 miles from California. A crew of scientists will be capturing a "shipload" of it in May. They wil be both cleaning up the Pacific, and also using the plastic obtained to try to develop a new kind of fuel.
09. Your way: A Burger King in Brazil takes customers' pictures with a hidden camera and delivers the burgers with the customers' pictures printed on the food wrapper.
10. Scumbag award: To the sushi restaurant that served its customers meat from endangered sei whales. They should throw away the key on the owners.
11. A bunch of baloney! Some company wants to etch a picture on slices of whatever animal was used in making the processed food. Pig; Chicken; Cow; Groundhog; Rattlesnake; Butcher;
12. Bad words. Well, now Vice President Biden has joined the ranks of the high Government officials who spoke before the microphone was turned off. Come on, Joe, you know better!
01. Yuk! President Bush and President Clinton were working and shaking hands in Haiti last week. Mr. Bush apparently thought that there might have been germs on the hand of his last shaker.. so, not having anything to wipe the germs, he turned and wiped his hands on Mr. Clinton's shirt... or so it seems to show in a video taken at the time.
02. Guiness egg record: A Texas man used his head to smash 138 raw eggs in one minute. The main question here is "Why?"
03. Supersize it! In an examination of all of the paintings of the Last Supper over the years, one can see a general increase in the size of the food shown in the pictures, from year to year.
04. Giant disappointment: Some British guys rowed 2,500 miles to try to win the Atlantic Rowing Race, but went aground on a reef less than one mile from the finish.
05. Crash! Last week, Wikipedia was dead for some time. I wonder how many term papers were postponed.
06. Dumb criminals: Thieves called a bank to let them know that they were coming to rob them and asked them to have the money ready. Police were ready instead.
07. More dumb criminals: A couple appeared on the Dr. Phil show and described how they stole toys and sold them on EBay. I guess they didn't realize that policemen watched the show.
08. Garbage Island: A floating island of garbage twice the size of Texas exists in the Pacific Ocean, 600 miles from California. A crew of scientists will be capturing a "shipload" of it in May. They wil be both cleaning up the Pacific, and also using the plastic obtained to try to develop a new kind of fuel.
09. Your way: A Burger King in Brazil takes customers' pictures with a hidden camera and delivers the burgers with the customers' pictures printed on the food wrapper.
10. Scumbag award: To the sushi restaurant that served its customers meat from endangered sei whales. They should throw away the key on the owners.
11. A bunch of baloney! Some company wants to etch a picture on slices of whatever animal was used in making the processed food. Pig; Chicken; Cow; Groundhog; Rattlesnake; Butcher;
12. Bad words. Well, now Vice President Biden has joined the ranks of the high Government officials who spoke before the microphone was turned off. Come on, Joe, you know better!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ March 20, 2010
Happy Spring! It is a beautiful 70 degree day here in Maryland where our weather goes from below freezing to Summer heat in a matter of days.
Lots of stuff going on today.. the Senate Rules Committee is getting ready to do their thing about the Health Reform Bill.. the robins are pulling skinny worms out of the moist ground.. the Mt. Airy, Maryland, St James Church now has two of our old television sets and 15 old telephone sets for recycling.. I delivered a lot of my beer making material to my son-in-law John so that he can make more of that wonderful brew.. and here is/are a dozen of things to think about. (Those tricky collective nouns! English must be a very tough language for foreign speakers to learn.)
01. Japanese. Speaking of foreign languages, every day recently comments have been posted on some of my blog entries, and most of those are in Japanese. How did they know that I am right now trying to learn to read their language? (It is an amazing experiece just to find out the history of each ideogram.)
Since I can't read the language yet, I used Google translator on one comment. The result, unfortunately, was unintelligible. So, maybe I'm dealing with some nuts, or I just don't know how to interpret Google's translation. I'll try again later.
02. Irish stuff: A leprechaun museum has been opened in Dublin, or so I've heard. Last year, I submitted a picture I took at Ocean City, Maryland, of a double rainbow. When I saw the phenomenon, I immediately tried to find the end of each to see if it was true that there were pots of gold there, hidden by those spritely elves that the Irish know exist. No luck, so I took a picture instead. It was a pretty good picture and was published in Creative Expressions. (When I learn to post a picture to a blog, I will add it.)
Faith.. and can ye tell me what beautiful green-colored Country is the richest in the world?
Why of course, it's Ireland, whose capitol is always Dublin.
The first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell out of my high-chair and spilled my Irish oatmeal.
03. Facebook: The Italian police have just found and arrested Pasquale (a famous crook) by reading his Facebook entries and profile.
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me says that there is a new Mafia social network site called Scarface Book.
04. Postal Delivery: I've been following the Postmaster General's recent testimony to the Senate on cost-cutting efforts. He wants to cut out mail delivery on Saturday. One of his reasons is because people don't really get much mail on that day anyway.. probably an average of only 3 pieces of mail. I just retrieved the mail from my mailbox, and it is Saturday.. there were 19 pieces of mail. I guess I am above-average. (Garrison has always said that I was.)
05. Announcements: Apparently, people in New York are complaining about emergency loudspeaker announcements being unintelligible. I would have thought that they knew that already.. haven't they ever tried to put in an order at a fast food drive in lane?
06. Q-Tips: Our Siamese cat, SuZee, has been provided with lots of catnip-filled cat toys. Does she play with them? No. Instead, she plays with Q-Tips. She wrestles with them, carries they around like they are prey, and vigorously seeks them out from wherever we hide them. We have given up.. she always finds them. Elaine thinks we should open a business selling them as cat toys. We could become rich maybe.. of course, we would have to pretty them us somewhat and make sure that the Q-Tip people did not sue us.
07. Fighting: This week I learned that there is a lady who teaches "Cane Fu" fighting. She teaches senior citizens how to defend themselves with their cane. She presented her program at a recent local Expo, but somehow, I missed it. I don't carry a cane anyway and I try to keep away from dangerous areas, as everyone should.
I did hear about a church somewhere near that sponsors violent fighting matches by their congregants so they can learn how to defend themselves in the real violent world. (I thought you were supposed to turn the other cheek.)
08. Government Work: Millie Parsons retired a while ago after serving 59 years with the FBI.. during that time, she never took one hour of sick leave. Somehow, she found time to become a champion ballroom dancer.
(I believe that Lil Steinhorn still holds the record for the longest work for the Government. She worked most of the time for the Social Security Administration in the Baltimore area. On the day she retired, she showed up at the Social Security Alumni Association office and volunteered for work. Lil passed away in 2009. She was over 90 years old.)
09. Texas Interview: Some folks have wondered what is in the latest schoolbooks in Texas.
Interviewer: "Hello, young man. May I ask you a question?"
Texas kid: "Yes, maam."
Int: "Who was Thomas Jefferson?"
Kid: "I don't know maam, was he in a TV show?"
Int: "Isn't he mentioned in your school history book?"
Kid: "No, maam.. and I just finished the whole book in class."
Int: "Do you know who wrote the 'Declaration of Independance?"
Kid: "Oh, yes, maam.. then you must mean Jefferson Davis, who was a hero at the Alamo and later tried bravely to get us independance from a tyrant."
Int: "Did you study about evolution in your classes?"
Kid: "You must mean revolution."
Int: "No, I mean the study of the origin and advancement of life."
Kid: "Oh yes, maam. We studied all about the Garden of Eden in our book."
10. Notch Babies: Well they're at it again. Brown government-looking envelopes are being mailed to senior citizens asking for donations so that they can lobby Congress for some money to make up for the reason they are "Notch Babies".
In a nutshell, years ago, Congress made a mistake in a Social Security benefit formula for a couple of months.. and some people have gotten a larger monthly benefit than people before or after them. If Congress voted to give money to those that came on Social Security right after the more-money persons.. they would have to then give money to all of the ones thereafter.. this would immediately bankrupt the US Government.. and Congress ain't goin' to do it! So.. save your own money and don't contribute to this scheme!
I brought this out as a SCAM to my fellow TRIAD members Thursday, and was informed, rightly, by one of the Police Officers in attendance, that this is not really a scam. It is just another way for unscrupulous people to say they are going to lobby for something that will not take place, while taking donations from lots of senior citizens who can't afford to donate.
My uncle Allen sent these folks lots of money. He passed away in 2009, as did many of the people who were affected by this. Apparently, there are still enough of these folks alive to make this a lucrative ploy.
But, because they will run out of "clients" in a few years, they are now recruiting other "notch babies". In fact, I got a letter this week, naming me as one who would be in the "notch" universe. Guess what? I do not get Social Security. And, I am also no where near old enough to be included in this universe.
I'll bet that these scumbags are now buying mailing lists of any and all senior citizens in an attempt to milk some more money out of the gullible.
11. Parachuting bears: Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me mentions that someone has come up with a great solution for finding Osama Ben Laden. Parachute bears down from planes over Afghanistan or Pakistan. Bears are known for being great trackers and would go into the caves and come up with their prey. One might ask how bears would like to be put into a parachute.. which would have to self-destruct on landing.. also, who would train the bears.. Russians are good at training bears, but they, like Alexander the Great and others since, no longer want to have anything to do with Afghanistan.
12. Lunch?: Can this be true? As a guy was sitting in his car, he felt the car shake violently. Upon investigation, he found a bulldog consuming one of his tires. After being unsuccessful in stopping the dog, he gave up and watched as the dog consumed another of his tires and also half of one bumper. Finally, I guess someone shot the dog. I'm not sure of this and I need to investigate.. it sounds fascinating. Was the car a formerly accelerating Toyota? A recalled Honda? Was this really a stunt dog for a movie filming? Was this a CIA training session for an Afghanistan military secret weapon, like the parachuting bear? Perhaps that is what happens when the bear lands on the ground, it seeks out Taliban or Al Quida vehicles and like the bulldog, tears them to bits. ???
..............................
Lots of stuff going on today.. the Senate Rules Committee is getting ready to do their thing about the Health Reform Bill.. the robins are pulling skinny worms out of the moist ground.. the Mt. Airy, Maryland, St James Church now has two of our old television sets and 15 old telephone sets for recycling.. I delivered a lot of my beer making material to my son-in-law John so that he can make more of that wonderful brew.. and here is/are a dozen of things to think about. (Those tricky collective nouns! English must be a very tough language for foreign speakers to learn.)
01. Japanese. Speaking of foreign languages, every day recently comments have been posted on some of my blog entries, and most of those are in Japanese. How did they know that I am right now trying to learn to read their language? (It is an amazing experiece just to find out the history of each ideogram.)
Since I can't read the language yet, I used Google translator on one comment. The result, unfortunately, was unintelligible. So, maybe I'm dealing with some nuts, or I just don't know how to interpret Google's translation. I'll try again later.
02. Irish stuff: A leprechaun museum has been opened in Dublin, or so I've heard. Last year, I submitted a picture I took at Ocean City, Maryland, of a double rainbow. When I saw the phenomenon, I immediately tried to find the end of each to see if it was true that there were pots of gold there, hidden by those spritely elves that the Irish know exist. No luck, so I took a picture instead. It was a pretty good picture and was published in Creative Expressions. (When I learn to post a picture to a blog, I will add it.)
Faith.. and can ye tell me what beautiful green-colored Country is the richest in the world?
Why of course, it's Ireland, whose capitol is always Dublin.
The first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell out of my high-chair and spilled my Irish oatmeal.
03. Facebook: The Italian police have just found and arrested Pasquale (a famous crook) by reading his Facebook entries and profile.
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me says that there is a new Mafia social network site called Scarface Book.
04. Postal Delivery: I've been following the Postmaster General's recent testimony to the Senate on cost-cutting efforts. He wants to cut out mail delivery on Saturday. One of his reasons is because people don't really get much mail on that day anyway.. probably an average of only 3 pieces of mail. I just retrieved the mail from my mailbox, and it is Saturday.. there were 19 pieces of mail. I guess I am above-average. (Garrison has always said that I was.)
05. Announcements: Apparently, people in New York are complaining about emergency loudspeaker announcements being unintelligible. I would have thought that they knew that already.. haven't they ever tried to put in an order at a fast food drive in lane?
06. Q-Tips: Our Siamese cat, SuZee, has been provided with lots of catnip-filled cat toys. Does she play with them? No. Instead, she plays with Q-Tips. She wrestles with them, carries they around like they are prey, and vigorously seeks them out from wherever we hide them. We have given up.. she always finds them. Elaine thinks we should open a business selling them as cat toys. We could become rich maybe.. of course, we would have to pretty them us somewhat and make sure that the Q-Tip people did not sue us.
07. Fighting: This week I learned that there is a lady who teaches "Cane Fu" fighting. She teaches senior citizens how to defend themselves with their cane. She presented her program at a recent local Expo, but somehow, I missed it. I don't carry a cane anyway and I try to keep away from dangerous areas, as everyone should.
I did hear about a church somewhere near that sponsors violent fighting matches by their congregants so they can learn how to defend themselves in the real violent world. (I thought you were supposed to turn the other cheek.)
08. Government Work: Millie Parsons retired a while ago after serving 59 years with the FBI.. during that time, she never took one hour of sick leave. Somehow, she found time to become a champion ballroom dancer.
(I believe that Lil Steinhorn still holds the record for the longest work for the Government. She worked most of the time for the Social Security Administration in the Baltimore area. On the day she retired, she showed up at the Social Security Alumni Association office and volunteered for work. Lil passed away in 2009. She was over 90 years old.)
09. Texas Interview: Some folks have wondered what is in the latest schoolbooks in Texas.
Interviewer: "Hello, young man. May I ask you a question?"
Texas kid: "Yes, maam."
Int: "Who was Thomas Jefferson?"
Kid: "I don't know maam, was he in a TV show?"
Int: "Isn't he mentioned in your school history book?"
Kid: "No, maam.. and I just finished the whole book in class."
Int: "Do you know who wrote the 'Declaration of Independance?"
Kid: "Oh, yes, maam.. then you must mean Jefferson Davis, who was a hero at the Alamo and later tried bravely to get us independance from a tyrant."
Int: "Did you study about evolution in your classes?"
Kid: "You must mean revolution."
Int: "No, I mean the study of the origin and advancement of life."
Kid: "Oh yes, maam. We studied all about the Garden of Eden in our book."
10. Notch Babies: Well they're at it again. Brown government-looking envelopes are being mailed to senior citizens asking for donations so that they can lobby Congress for some money to make up for the reason they are "Notch Babies".
In a nutshell, years ago, Congress made a mistake in a Social Security benefit formula for a couple of months.. and some people have gotten a larger monthly benefit than people before or after them. If Congress voted to give money to those that came on Social Security right after the more-money persons.. they would have to then give money to all of the ones thereafter.. this would immediately bankrupt the US Government.. and Congress ain't goin' to do it! So.. save your own money and don't contribute to this scheme!
I brought this out as a SCAM to my fellow TRIAD members Thursday, and was informed, rightly, by one of the Police Officers in attendance, that this is not really a scam. It is just another way for unscrupulous people to say they are going to lobby for something that will not take place, while taking donations from lots of senior citizens who can't afford to donate.
My uncle Allen sent these folks lots of money. He passed away in 2009, as did many of the people who were affected by this. Apparently, there are still enough of these folks alive to make this a lucrative ploy.
But, because they will run out of "clients" in a few years, they are now recruiting other "notch babies". In fact, I got a letter this week, naming me as one who would be in the "notch" universe. Guess what? I do not get Social Security. And, I am also no where near old enough to be included in this universe.
I'll bet that these scumbags are now buying mailing lists of any and all senior citizens in an attempt to milk some more money out of the gullible.
11. Parachuting bears: Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me mentions that someone has come up with a great solution for finding Osama Ben Laden. Parachute bears down from planes over Afghanistan or Pakistan. Bears are known for being great trackers and would go into the caves and come up with their prey. One might ask how bears would like to be put into a parachute.. which would have to self-destruct on landing.. also, who would train the bears.. Russians are good at training bears, but they, like Alexander the Great and others since, no longer want to have anything to do with Afghanistan.
12. Lunch?: Can this be true? As a guy was sitting in his car, he felt the car shake violently. Upon investigation, he found a bulldog consuming one of his tires. After being unsuccessful in stopping the dog, he gave up and watched as the dog consumed another of his tires and also half of one bumper. Finally, I guess someone shot the dog. I'm not sure of this and I need to investigate.. it sounds fascinating. Was the car a formerly accelerating Toyota? A recalled Honda? Was this really a stunt dog for a movie filming? Was this a CIA training session for an Afghanistan military secret weapon, like the parachuting bear? Perhaps that is what happens when the bear lands on the ground, it seeks out Taliban or Al Quida vehicles and like the bulldog, tears them to bits. ???
..............................
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ March 12, 2010
Old and new stuff.
01. 2010: I-PHONE Love: A study has found that many people are addicted to their I-PHONES. In fact, they found that many people even sleep with them under their pillows. (Well, you don't want to miss an important call.)
02. 1950: Cremation: A man in Wellington, New Zealand, specified in his will that his body be cremated and the ashes put to work in an hour glass. (Good idea.. he will be serving a purpose even though he is not breathing anymore.)
03. 2010: 3-D: A newspaper in Belgium has put out a newspaper edition in 3D. They even supply the glasses. (The news just jumps out at you.)
04. 1950: Gun Control: Police in Chicago melt down the weapons seized from gangsters and makes them into medals to give to brave crime-fighters. (It's probably more lucrative these days to sell them back to the crooks or export them to formerly peaceful countries.)
05. 2010: Netflix spin-off? A new company has been formed to mail fresh underwear to guys each month. (Do you have to send them back after you have used them for one week? In the 1950's, guys did not wear underwear.)
06. 1950: Teeth: I've seen George Washington's wooden (ivory actually) teeth and a guy in 1950 made a set of false teeth for himself out of pieces of scrap aluminum. (During the 1950's I worked for a time in an aluminum chair factory.. I wasn't very good at the job and lots of my chairs got dumped into a molten aluminum bath to be reformed. Perhaps they could have used my rejects to make sturdy false teeth.)
07. 2010: Drunks Crossing: In some part or Rumania, signs have been put up to warn drivers about drunks who may be staggering across the street. (Deer Crossing signs in the US show a leaping buck.. what is the symbol for the Rumanian drunk?)
08: 1950: Divorce: A man in Milwaukee who lost his wife in a divorce suit, asked the judge to at least award the family dog to him. (Sounds reasonable to me. After all, "a man's best friend is his dog.. but a 5 cent cigar is a smoke.." or something like that.. probably some wisdom from H.L. Mencken that I can't figure out.)
Incidentally, a chiropractor met with our NARFE group yesterday. I mentioned H.L. Mencken's 1927 article in the Baltimore Sun about chiropractic. It didn't seem to bother him at all.. he did say that if you look up "curmudgeon" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Mencken.
09: 2010: Diet: The French have developed the "air diet".. yes, it's like "air guitar" etc.. Like Marcel Marceau, you pretend you are eating. You make the motions with the empty glasses and plates but no food enters your gullet. This is guaranteed to help you lose weight.
A diet poem I like is:
My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet.
Dieting is not easy and no fun. Here are some tips that I have found helpful:
a. Count every calorie that you consume.
b. Put exercise time on your schedule every day.
c. Drink green tea or water before meals.
d. Chew every bite 20 times (or more).
Personally, I don't always observe these tips.. although every calorie I have had since New Year's Day has been recorded. Have I lost weight? I won't know until I go for my next check-up in April.
10. 1950: RIP?: A man in Petersburg, Virginia purchased 2,180 tombstones discarded from a cemetery and built a house with them. (Question: Why were they discarded? Is that the fate of all tombstones? At the Cushing Cemetery in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, there are headstones and footstones going back to 1810, if not earlier. One would expect these tombstones to be cared for until the sun burns the earth all up, or until cloning gets so good that we will all be recreated, and people live forever so that such stones are no longer of any use.)
11. 2010: Belly dancers: A group of 11 belly dancing teachers and students will be performing for the local AARP Chapter next month. They call themselves Anerneic Magic. I am unable to find the word in any of my dictionaries. (Kind of similar:
aneroid: containing no liquid (maybe they don't drink before performing)
anerly: merely .. Scotch dialect.
an: no with ern/erne: sea eagle (crossword puzzle word) .. (Maybe "no sea eagles" ? After all, these are belly dancers, not birds)
I am alerting the emergency people to stand by for a 911 call if the dancers turn up the heat too much for us old timey dudes. I'll let you know what happened, if I survive. You may know the story of my belly dancer who caused the Social Security Administration to outlaw such folks from entering the premises.. I don't think that will happen at the Elks Lodge in Westminster.
12. 2010: Funny phrases: Elaine mentioned a phrase yesterday in connection with a guy who tried to kill his wife with a hammer. She said: "His ass is grass." and was surprised to learn that I had never heard the phrase before.
Recently, she was amused when I refered to someone I liked as "a hot ticket."
I was surprised to find the phrase "moseying around" in a book about the Civil War.
In my library, I have a book that gives the derivation and usage of slang phrases.. I should try to find it and educate myself.. there are probably lots of swear words that I could be using, but don't know about yet. And you probably know that I have a book with French swear words and I have been trying to use those instead of the common ones in United States usage that bore me... I was, however, surprised to learn that my beautiful daughter in law already knew some of those French swear words. Tsk Tsk!
My late wife was French Canadian and her family spoke lots of French... however, when they swore, it was American words that they used.
I am going to say something that you probably will not believe.. my late wife of 43 years and I never swore in front of our kids.. and only swore on rare ocassions in each other's presence.. like when hitting a thumb with a hammer.. or when dropping something gooey all over the mail.. but you know that it is the S word that is commonly used on that occasion.
Basta! (no that is not a swear word.. it just means that that is enough of this nonsense!)
01. 2010: I-PHONE Love: A study has found that many people are addicted to their I-PHONES. In fact, they found that many people even sleep with them under their pillows. (Well, you don't want to miss an important call.)
02. 1950: Cremation: A man in Wellington, New Zealand, specified in his will that his body be cremated and the ashes put to work in an hour glass. (Good idea.. he will be serving a purpose even though he is not breathing anymore.)
03. 2010: 3-D: A newspaper in Belgium has put out a newspaper edition in 3D. They even supply the glasses. (The news just jumps out at you.)
04. 1950: Gun Control: Police in Chicago melt down the weapons seized from gangsters and makes them into medals to give to brave crime-fighters. (It's probably more lucrative these days to sell them back to the crooks or export them to formerly peaceful countries.)
05. 2010: Netflix spin-off? A new company has been formed to mail fresh underwear to guys each month. (Do you have to send them back after you have used them for one week? In the 1950's, guys did not wear underwear.)
06. 1950: Teeth: I've seen George Washington's wooden (ivory actually) teeth and a guy in 1950 made a set of false teeth for himself out of pieces of scrap aluminum. (During the 1950's I worked for a time in an aluminum chair factory.. I wasn't very good at the job and lots of my chairs got dumped into a molten aluminum bath to be reformed. Perhaps they could have used my rejects to make sturdy false teeth.)
07. 2010: Drunks Crossing: In some part or Rumania, signs have been put up to warn drivers about drunks who may be staggering across the street. (Deer Crossing signs in the US show a leaping buck.. what is the symbol for the Rumanian drunk?)
08: 1950: Divorce: A man in Milwaukee who lost his wife in a divorce suit, asked the judge to at least award the family dog to him. (Sounds reasonable to me. After all, "a man's best friend is his dog.. but a 5 cent cigar is a smoke.." or something like that.. probably some wisdom from H.L. Mencken that I can't figure out.)
Incidentally, a chiropractor met with our NARFE group yesterday. I mentioned H.L. Mencken's 1927 article in the Baltimore Sun about chiropractic. It didn't seem to bother him at all.. he did say that if you look up "curmudgeon" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Mencken.
09: 2010: Diet: The French have developed the "air diet".. yes, it's like "air guitar" etc.. Like Marcel Marceau, you pretend you are eating. You make the motions with the empty glasses and plates but no food enters your gullet. This is guaranteed to help you lose weight.
A diet poem I like is:
My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet.
Dieting is not easy and no fun. Here are some tips that I have found helpful:
a. Count every calorie that you consume.
b. Put exercise time on your schedule every day.
c. Drink green tea or water before meals.
d. Chew every bite 20 times (or more).
Personally, I don't always observe these tips.. although every calorie I have had since New Year's Day has been recorded. Have I lost weight? I won't know until I go for my next check-up in April.
10. 1950: RIP?: A man in Petersburg, Virginia purchased 2,180 tombstones discarded from a cemetery and built a house with them. (Question: Why were they discarded? Is that the fate of all tombstones? At the Cushing Cemetery in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, there are headstones and footstones going back to 1810, if not earlier. One would expect these tombstones to be cared for until the sun burns the earth all up, or until cloning gets so good that we will all be recreated, and people live forever so that such stones are no longer of any use.)
11. 2010: Belly dancers: A group of 11 belly dancing teachers and students will be performing for the local AARP Chapter next month. They call themselves Anerneic Magic. I am unable to find the word in any of my dictionaries. (Kind of similar:
aneroid: containing no liquid (maybe they don't drink before performing)
anerly: merely .. Scotch dialect.
an: no with ern/erne: sea eagle (crossword puzzle word) .. (Maybe "no sea eagles" ? After all, these are belly dancers, not birds)
I am alerting the emergency people to stand by for a 911 call if the dancers turn up the heat too much for us old timey dudes. I'll let you know what happened, if I survive. You may know the story of my belly dancer who caused the Social Security Administration to outlaw such folks from entering the premises.. I don't think that will happen at the Elks Lodge in Westminster.
12. 2010: Funny phrases: Elaine mentioned a phrase yesterday in connection with a guy who tried to kill his wife with a hammer. She said: "His ass is grass." and was surprised to learn that I had never heard the phrase before.
Recently, she was amused when I refered to someone I liked as "a hot ticket."
I was surprised to find the phrase "moseying around" in a book about the Civil War.
In my library, I have a book that gives the derivation and usage of slang phrases.. I should try to find it and educate myself.. there are probably lots of swear words that I could be using, but don't know about yet. And you probably know that I have a book with French swear words and I have been trying to use those instead of the common ones in United States usage that bore me... I was, however, surprised to learn that my beautiful daughter in law already knew some of those French swear words. Tsk Tsk!
My late wife was French Canadian and her family spoke lots of French... however, when they swore, it was American words that they used.
I am going to say something that you probably will not believe.. my late wife of 43 years and I never swore in front of our kids.. and only swore on rare ocassions in each other's presence.. like when hitting a thumb with a hammer.. or when dropping something gooey all over the mail.. but you know that it is the S word that is commonly used on that occasion.
Basta! (no that is not a swear word.. it just means that that is enough of this nonsense!)
Friday, March 05, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ March 5, 2010
Some of these items come from me, some from newspapers, and some from The Week magazine, a wonderful sheet that hits all sides of a story.
01. Famous Book Sale. The well-known Smith College in Massachusetts has an active alumni group in Maryland. They put on an annual book sale that is a book-lover's dream. I first discovered the sale while I was waiting for my first daughter to be born at a Baltimore hospital. (I won't tell you how many years ago that was because maybe my daughter doesn't want you to know how old she is.)
Over the years, I purchased thousands of books for my collection, mainly at their sales. (They sell gently-used books on any and all subjects.) When we made plans to move to our current location, I realized that I could not take all of these books with me, so I boxed them up, knowing that I could always donate them to the current year's sale. However, when the time came, I was told that they already had so many books to sell, they had no place to put my 118 boxes of books. (I have already written how I finally got rid of the books, so, if you want to know, call me up or search my blogs for Salvation Army.)
Anyway, this year's sale is the 52nd annual sale. It will take place on April 9-11 at the exhibition hall of the Maryland State Fairgrounds in Timonium, MD. Apparently that is the only site big enough to hold all of the books. I guarantee that if you go, you will get hooked, and start to amass your own gigantic library of great books. (... at cheap prices)
02. Intelligent Billing: Elaine got a bill today from a well-known company. It was a bill for $0.00 ! A nasty note was attached, saying, in effect, "If we do not receive your payment by March 31st, you will be required to pay a $0.00 late fee!"
03. Tricky Timing: The usually completely accurate magazine I mentioned above, gave the following information: "2010 is the year of Mark Twain, ... it marks the 100th anniversary of the American author's birth, and the 125th of the publication of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn..." He sure was a darn good writer to get stuff published even before he was born.
03 1/2. Telephone Help Desk: At today's AARP meeting, I was able to give my stand-up routine about a telephone call I made a while ago.
I called the 800 # for a well-known Internet provider. I had a problem and was not able to access the web. The call went something like this:
"Allo, wat is your name?"
"Joseph Vaughan"
"Allo, Yosef, wat is your broblem?"
"I cannot access the Internet."
"Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I do not understand gable."
"May I speak to your supervisor?"
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I cannot access the internet."
"Wat is your name, sir?"
"Joseph Vaughan."
"OK, Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I don't know wat is gable."
"It's an electric line running into my house, like a telephone line."
"OK, Yosef, I will look that up. Where do you live?"
"I live in the U.S. In Maryland."
"I don't know wat is merrylend."
"Maryland is a State in the U.S."
"I'm sorry, Yosef, but I ave no record of merrylend."
"Do you have Massachusetts?"
"Yes, I see that, but no merrylend."
"Oh.. to hell with it! Goodbye!"
After explaining my frustrating experience to a County administrator, I was given a local number for the company involved. I called the number and a guy said: "Hey, how ya doin? What can I do for you?"
I told him my problem, he went away for one minute, came back and said, "is it ok now?" I checked, and it was. Total time for call and fix.. about two minutes.
04. Traffic cameras: We've talked before about speed cameras and red-light cameras.. now we have "rolling right turn" cameras. In Los Angeles, there now is a fine of over $400 for doing a rolling right turn. This must be a real money-maker, because it's hard for me to believe that the word has gotten out that you must make a full stop before making a right turn on a red light.
05. Air Traffic Controllers: They are getting younger and younger. Check out the youngster who gave instructions to several planes recently at the JFK Airport.(I know that President Reagan fired a lot of controllers years ago, but I didn't know that the Government had dropped the age requirement so they could hire more of them.)
06. Oink:Oink - This is the tenth anniversary of the successful cloning of a pig. (Name of Deli?)
07. IQ: An Israeli study has found that the lower a person's IQ is, the more likely that person is a heavy smoker. (Us former-smoker now-smart guys knew that already.)
08. Brushes: A lady named Dawn Stephens has invented an all-in-one toilet-bowl-cleaning brush. (My grandfather, Arthur Stephens Vaughan, in 1900, invented the all-in-one shoe brush, consisting of a "polish dauber" on the end of a handled "polishing brush.") If I could figure out how to put pictures on this blog, I would show what his prototype looks like today. I have it on display in my den.
09. Cursing: Nepal has an annual "cursing festival". One of the curses I like best is: "May your buffaloes all die of diarrhea!"
10. Fusion? Bloom Energy says they have developed a fuel cell that can generate energy without going through the process of combustion. More power to them!
11. Crabby? Marylanders love their crabs, but sometimes they get careless about getting them. Recently, Maryland environmental police found and pulled up over 1,500 abandoned or lost crab pots from inlets to the Chesapeake Bay. These pots endanger fish and crabs. I wonder what they did with any crabs (or their skeletons) found in these pots.
12. Exercise? I read that there is an aerobic exercise called "spinning"... please don't tell me what that is, I want to conjure up an image of this exercise... in my mind's eye.. just as I did years ago listening to the radio and visualizing the scene being described. Visualization is a great exercise for the brain.
... enough!
01. Famous Book Sale. The well-known Smith College in Massachusetts has an active alumni group in Maryland. They put on an annual book sale that is a book-lover's dream. I first discovered the sale while I was waiting for my first daughter to be born at a Baltimore hospital. (I won't tell you how many years ago that was because maybe my daughter doesn't want you to know how old she is.)
Over the years, I purchased thousands of books for my collection, mainly at their sales. (They sell gently-used books on any and all subjects.) When we made plans to move to our current location, I realized that I could not take all of these books with me, so I boxed them up, knowing that I could always donate them to the current year's sale. However, when the time came, I was told that they already had so many books to sell, they had no place to put my 118 boxes of books. (I have already written how I finally got rid of the books, so, if you want to know, call me up or search my blogs for Salvation Army.)
Anyway, this year's sale is the 52nd annual sale. It will take place on April 9-11 at the exhibition hall of the Maryland State Fairgrounds in Timonium, MD. Apparently that is the only site big enough to hold all of the books. I guarantee that if you go, you will get hooked, and start to amass your own gigantic library of great books. (... at cheap prices)
02. Intelligent Billing: Elaine got a bill today from a well-known company. It was a bill for $0.00 ! A nasty note was attached, saying, in effect, "If we do not receive your payment by March 31st, you will be required to pay a $0.00 late fee!"
03. Tricky Timing: The usually completely accurate magazine I mentioned above, gave the following information: "2010 is the year of Mark Twain, ... it marks the 100th anniversary of the American author's birth, and the 125th of the publication of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn..." He sure was a darn good writer to get stuff published even before he was born.
03 1/2. Telephone Help Desk: At today's AARP meeting, I was able to give my stand-up routine about a telephone call I made a while ago.
I called the 800 # for a well-known Internet provider. I had a problem and was not able to access the web. The call went something like this:
"Allo, wat is your name?"
"Joseph Vaughan"
"Allo, Yosef, wat is your broblem?"
"I cannot access the Internet."
"Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I do not understand gable."
"May I speak to your supervisor?"
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I cannot access the internet."
"Wat is your name, sir?"
"Joseph Vaughan."
"OK, Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I don't know wat is gable."
"It's an electric line running into my house, like a telephone line."
"OK, Yosef, I will look that up. Where do you live?"
"I live in the U.S. In Maryland."
"I don't know wat is merrylend."
"Maryland is a State in the U.S."
"I'm sorry, Yosef, but I ave no record of merrylend."
"Do you have Massachusetts?"
"Yes, I see that, but no merrylend."
"Oh.. to hell with it! Goodbye!"
After explaining my frustrating experience to a County administrator, I was given a local number for the company involved. I called the number and a guy said: "Hey, how ya doin? What can I do for you?"
I told him my problem, he went away for one minute, came back and said, "is it ok now?" I checked, and it was. Total time for call and fix.. about two minutes.
04. Traffic cameras: We've talked before about speed cameras and red-light cameras.. now we have "rolling right turn" cameras. In Los Angeles, there now is a fine of over $400 for doing a rolling right turn. This must be a real money-maker, because it's hard for me to believe that the word has gotten out that you must make a full stop before making a right turn on a red light.
05. Air Traffic Controllers: They are getting younger and younger. Check out the youngster who gave instructions to several planes recently at the JFK Airport.(I know that President Reagan fired a lot of controllers years ago, but I didn't know that the Government had dropped the age requirement so they could hire more of them.)
06. Oink:Oink - This is the tenth anniversary of the successful cloning of a pig. (Name of Deli?)
07. IQ: An Israeli study has found that the lower a person's IQ is, the more likely that person is a heavy smoker. (Us former-smoker now-smart guys knew that already.)
08. Brushes: A lady named Dawn Stephens has invented an all-in-one toilet-bowl-cleaning brush. (My grandfather, Arthur Stephens Vaughan, in 1900, invented the all-in-one shoe brush, consisting of a "polish dauber" on the end of a handled "polishing brush.") If I could figure out how to put pictures on this blog, I would show what his prototype looks like today. I have it on display in my den.
09. Cursing: Nepal has an annual "cursing festival". One of the curses I like best is: "May your buffaloes all die of diarrhea!"
10. Fusion? Bloom Energy says they have developed a fuel cell that can generate energy without going through the process of combustion. More power to them!
11. Crabby? Marylanders love their crabs, but sometimes they get careless about getting them. Recently, Maryland environmental police found and pulled up over 1,500 abandoned or lost crab pots from inlets to the Chesapeake Bay. These pots endanger fish and crabs. I wonder what they did with any crabs (or their skeletons) found in these pots.
12. Exercise? I read that there is an aerobic exercise called "spinning"... please don't tell me what that is, I want to conjure up an image of this exercise... in my mind's eye.. just as I did years ago listening to the radio and visualizing the scene being described. Visualization is a great exercise for the brain.
... enough!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Weekly Dozen 02/27/10
Here are some new items mixed in with old items:
01. 2010: Solution to the monetary crisis: Even though the State of Missouri is having so many financial problems, they feel good that they have figured a way out of the situation. They will deduct $1 every week from their Governor's salary to invest in PowerBall, or whatever that Lottery is called. All money won will be used to pay down Missouri's debt.
02. 1998: Diabetes: CBS reports that an insulin inhaler is being developed. (Was it developed? I think that they already had the "pump" at that time.
03. 2010: Carotid clearance: A study has reported that a stent procedure to clear a clogged carotid artery works just as well as an operation. (Why didn't they tell me that two years ago!)
04. 2010: "Chips": In Britain, they are trying to develop a "chip" made out of meat. (Would that be a "potato chip" or a "chip" as in Britain's famous "fish and chips"?)
I wish I could find a place to eat true English fish and chips! You can get it back in New Bedford, Massachusetts, but I have not found the same thing anywhere in the Mid-Atlantic. The closest was at Arthur Treacher's Restaurant, but they closed down all of those places anywhere near where I live. I think there might be one left in Maryland somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.
05. 1998: WOW Chips: Speaking of "chips", in 1998 the FDA gave a "thumbs up" to Olestra. Products using it were supposed to be still high calorie, but have no fat grams. I tried some of them at the time and found that they did not like my digestion and haven't tried them since, knowingly. I guess you can still get Olestra products in the Super Market.
06. 2010: Mr. Toyoda: I have wondered why the head of the family-based car company doesn't have the same name as the car. I heard today, somewhere, that it is because the stroke for "T" is not as lucky as the stroke for "D" in Japanese ideograms, so it was changed.. (maybe they should have changed the stroke for the car name also, and they might not be having so many problems.)
Incidentally, I took my RAV4 in to the Toyota dealer for my 5,000 maintenance, and while I was there, they did the recall fix for the accelerator.
By the way, to graduate from a Japanese grammar school, a student must know 881 characters (ideograms). To graduate from High School, a student must know 1,850, and to read at a college level, a student must know 3,000.
All of these characters are built up from less than 300 elements or pictures. These pictures were drawn by the Chinese similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics. The Japanese borrowed these characters from the Chinese over 2,000 years ago.
07. 1998: Leo Buscaglia: One of my favorite people passed away on June 12, 1998. Leo Buscaglia was a California professor who taught a class in LOVE. In addition to his class, he gave televised lectures on the subject and wrote a number of books about love.
Luckily, I taped his presentations whenever I found them on TV. His whole life was built around letting people know what love was all about. At his lectures, everyone was hugged by him before they left. His death was a great loss to the world, in my opinion.
My cousin, Charlie, and his family live in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and attend a Baptist church there. The preacher, until a few years ago, was from Baltimore and had a Bethlehem Steel background. I visited the church a few times and the preacher always had a line waiting for him after the services. They were waiting to get a hug from him. What a great idea! I don't see or experience many hugs any more. Perhaps it is because of a fear of the flu. I have read that hugs are good medicine and buttress our immune systems.. maybe after the flu goes away, we can get back to hugging.
08. 2010: Cartalk definitions:
Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
MacAdam: The first Scotsman.
09. 1998: Airline crashes: Tom Snyder (Remember him? The 6'8" Late Late Show host .. replaced by 6'8" Conan O'Brien!) said that statistics showed that more people are killed by donkeys each year than are killed in airline crashes. (Let that be a lesson to you!)
10. 2010: Healthy flies: A college professor has developed a method for exercising fruit flies so they will be healthier for use in experiments.
Time flies like the wind,
Fruit flies like bananas.
11. 2010: Accident: It had to happen. Two police segways crashed into each other. (By the way, did you know that the first automobile accident in the U. S. occured in Baltimore?)
12. 2010: Vital statistics:
The most dangerous food in the U.S. is the hot dog. (Apparently, children choke on them, and scientists are trying to change their shape to make them safer.)
The laziest people in the world live in the United States. (Maybe that fruit fly professor should come up with an innovative way for everyone to exercise.)
Bonus
1998 and 2010: Words: Back in 1998, I read where no word rhymes with month, purple or orange. I have been trying since then to find words that did complete those rhymes. No luck, yet. Perhaps my long-lost brother Joe (if he is reading this) may have found some already since he is a noted word expert.
Can you find rhyming words for month, purple or orange?
01. 2010: Solution to the monetary crisis: Even though the State of Missouri is having so many financial problems, they feel good that they have figured a way out of the situation. They will deduct $1 every week from their Governor's salary to invest in PowerBall, or whatever that Lottery is called. All money won will be used to pay down Missouri's debt.
02. 1998: Diabetes: CBS reports that an insulin inhaler is being developed. (Was it developed? I think that they already had the "pump" at that time.
03. 2010: Carotid clearance: A study has reported that a stent procedure to clear a clogged carotid artery works just as well as an operation. (Why didn't they tell me that two years ago!)
04. 2010: "Chips": In Britain, they are trying to develop a "chip" made out of meat. (Would that be a "potato chip" or a "chip" as in Britain's famous "fish and chips"?)
I wish I could find a place to eat true English fish and chips! You can get it back in New Bedford, Massachusetts, but I have not found the same thing anywhere in the Mid-Atlantic. The closest was at Arthur Treacher's Restaurant, but they closed down all of those places anywhere near where I live. I think there might be one left in Maryland somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.
05. 1998: WOW Chips: Speaking of "chips", in 1998 the FDA gave a "thumbs up" to Olestra. Products using it were supposed to be still high calorie, but have no fat grams. I tried some of them at the time and found that they did not like my digestion and haven't tried them since, knowingly. I guess you can still get Olestra products in the Super Market.
06. 2010: Mr. Toyoda: I have wondered why the head of the family-based car company doesn't have the same name as the car. I heard today, somewhere, that it is because the stroke for "T" is not as lucky as the stroke for "D" in Japanese ideograms, so it was changed.. (maybe they should have changed the stroke for the car name also, and they might not be having so many problems.)
Incidentally, I took my RAV4 in to the Toyota dealer for my 5,000 maintenance, and while I was there, they did the recall fix for the accelerator.
By the way, to graduate from a Japanese grammar school, a student must know 881 characters (ideograms). To graduate from High School, a student must know 1,850, and to read at a college level, a student must know 3,000.
All of these characters are built up from less than 300 elements or pictures. These pictures were drawn by the Chinese similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics. The Japanese borrowed these characters from the Chinese over 2,000 years ago.
07. 1998: Leo Buscaglia: One of my favorite people passed away on June 12, 1998. Leo Buscaglia was a California professor who taught a class in LOVE. In addition to his class, he gave televised lectures on the subject and wrote a number of books about love.
Luckily, I taped his presentations whenever I found them on TV. His whole life was built around letting people know what love was all about. At his lectures, everyone was hugged by him before they left. His death was a great loss to the world, in my opinion.
My cousin, Charlie, and his family live in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and attend a Baptist church there. The preacher, until a few years ago, was from Baltimore and had a Bethlehem Steel background. I visited the church a few times and the preacher always had a line waiting for him after the services. They were waiting to get a hug from him. What a great idea! I don't see or experience many hugs any more. Perhaps it is because of a fear of the flu. I have read that hugs are good medicine and buttress our immune systems.. maybe after the flu goes away, we can get back to hugging.
08. 2010: Cartalk definitions:
Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
MacAdam: The first Scotsman.
09. 1998: Airline crashes: Tom Snyder (Remember him? The 6'8" Late Late Show host .. replaced by 6'8" Conan O'Brien!) said that statistics showed that more people are killed by donkeys each year than are killed in airline crashes. (Let that be a lesson to you!)
10. 2010: Healthy flies: A college professor has developed a method for exercising fruit flies so they will be healthier for use in experiments.
Time flies like the wind,
Fruit flies like bananas.
11. 2010: Accident: It had to happen. Two police segways crashed into each other. (By the way, did you know that the first automobile accident in the U. S. occured in Baltimore?)
12. 2010: Vital statistics:
The most dangerous food in the U.S. is the hot dog. (Apparently, children choke on them, and scientists are trying to change their shape to make them safer.)
The laziest people in the world live in the United States. (Maybe that fruit fly professor should come up with an innovative way for everyone to exercise.)
Bonus
1998 and 2010: Words: Back in 1998, I read where no word rhymes with month, purple or orange. I have been trying since then to find words that did complete those rhymes. No luck, yet. Perhaps my long-lost brother Joe (if he is reading this) may have found some already since he is a noted word expert.
Can you find rhyming words for month, purple or orange?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ 02/20/2010
Here are some backlogged items:
01. Last year, Time magazine mentioned two special inventions that they did not particularly like:
a. A bra that can easily be converted into two gasmasks.
b. Software that scans the smiles of Japanese railway employees to make sure that they exude the proper amount of cheerfulness.
(Japanese-watchers have also been reporting on the depth of Mr. Toyoda's bows when apologizing for automobile glitzes. Apparently one can tell a lot about people's intentions by how low they bow.)
02. Why is it that all real famous people were born on holidays? (Washington, Lincoln, King, etc.)
03. Who was this "Red" Roundtree who was arrested in 2003 for trying to rob a bank at the age of 91?
04. The Vice President of Nigeria has a great name: Goodluck Jonathan. (Baltimore's own H.L.Mencken gets into "different" names in his classic study The American Language. For instance, at one time, Doctors at Johns Hopkins would name the babies for poor women who had their labor in that hospital.. one of the names given out, supposedly appropriately, was Positive Wasserman Johnson.)
05. Some art experts are declaring that the Mona Lisa is a self-portrait of Leonardo Da Vinci in drag. (Take a good look and compare after dropping the beard.. there may be some truth to this.)
06. I'm sure that now you have heard about the famous cricketeer who shocked the sports world by biting the ball during a match. This is cheating at cricket on a large scale, similar to throwing a "spitball" at a batter's head.
07. Recently, a Denver advertisement for a job as "medical marijuana reviewer" netted lots of applications.
08. A woman has filed a lawsuit against her boss for "breaking wind" in her cubicle.
(Cruel and unusual punishment, now probably considered on a par with smoking in one's area.)
09. John Gay died in 1732, and had chiseled on his tombstone:
Life is a jest,
And all things show it.
I thought so once,
And now I know it.
10. Sarah Palin had crib notes written on her hand for her recent Tea Party Convention speech. (I wonder if someone was able to photograph those notes. They would be worth thousands of dollars.)
11. Dallas, Texas police have been issuing tickets to people for not speaking English. (What law does this break?)
12. A freight train was parked in front of a woman's house for six week. During that time, she had to scoot under the train to get out into the world.
When I was in High School and walked to school down a certain street, there was always a large truck parked across the street and sidewalk, taking on items for delivery. This was a challenge to us boys, who scooted under the truck.. while the motor was running and the gearshift was about to be engaged. The girls were not as dumb as the boys.. they waited for the truck to move out of the way or took another route.
Extra: South Carolina's Mark Sanford, thinking ahead, had the "faithfulness promise" removed from the wedding vow for his marriage.
................................................
01. Last year, Time magazine mentioned two special inventions that they did not particularly like:
a. A bra that can easily be converted into two gasmasks.
b. Software that scans the smiles of Japanese railway employees to make sure that they exude the proper amount of cheerfulness.
(Japanese-watchers have also been reporting on the depth of Mr. Toyoda's bows when apologizing for automobile glitzes. Apparently one can tell a lot about people's intentions by how low they bow.)
02. Why is it that all real famous people were born on holidays? (Washington, Lincoln, King, etc.)
03. Who was this "Red" Roundtree who was arrested in 2003 for trying to rob a bank at the age of 91?
04. The Vice President of Nigeria has a great name: Goodluck Jonathan. (Baltimore's own H.L.Mencken gets into "different" names in his classic study The American Language. For instance, at one time, Doctors at Johns Hopkins would name the babies for poor women who had their labor in that hospital.. one of the names given out, supposedly appropriately, was Positive Wasserman Johnson.)
05. Some art experts are declaring that the Mona Lisa is a self-portrait of Leonardo Da Vinci in drag. (Take a good look and compare after dropping the beard.. there may be some truth to this.)
06. I'm sure that now you have heard about the famous cricketeer who shocked the sports world by biting the ball during a match. This is cheating at cricket on a large scale, similar to throwing a "spitball" at a batter's head.
07. Recently, a Denver advertisement for a job as "medical marijuana reviewer" netted lots of applications.
08. A woman has filed a lawsuit against her boss for "breaking wind" in her cubicle.
(Cruel and unusual punishment, now probably considered on a par with smoking in one's area.)
09. John Gay died in 1732, and had chiseled on his tombstone:
Life is a jest,
And all things show it.
I thought so once,
And now I know it.
10. Sarah Palin had crib notes written on her hand for her recent Tea Party Convention speech. (I wonder if someone was able to photograph those notes. They would be worth thousands of dollars.)
11. Dallas, Texas police have been issuing tickets to people for not speaking English. (What law does this break?)
12. A freight train was parked in front of a woman's house for six week. During that time, she had to scoot under the train to get out into the world.
When I was in High School and walked to school down a certain street, there was always a large truck parked across the street and sidewalk, taking on items for delivery. This was a challenge to us boys, who scooted under the truck.. while the motor was running and the gearshift was about to be engaged. The girls were not as dumb as the boys.. they waited for the truck to move out of the way or took another route.
Extra: South Carolina's Mark Sanford, thinking ahead, had the "faithfulness promise" removed from the wedding vow for his marriage.
................................................
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Valentine's Day
She slinked into the bedroom and climbed onto the wide soft bed. She was ready for the loving caresses that she begged for each night. She looked forward to these nightly expressions of love, so important to a female. As she was caressed, she let out little sounds of delight. Yes, SuZee, our pretty little Siamese cat needed those reassurances that she was loved.
Gotcha!
On Valentine's Day all females, human and otherwise, need to be reassured that they are loved. So, guys, if you haven't gotten something for your loved one yet, you'd better get moving before the stores close.
Many years ago, when finances were tight, my wife and I decided that we would not get anything for each other for Valentine's Day. I went to work, pleased that I did not have to rush around finding something appropriate to the day. However, on that same day, I had to wait outside of a computer room while a job was run. When it was over, I would be able to test a computer program.
As I sat there, I heard two secretaries talking: One said: "My boyfriend and I agreed that we would not get something for each other for Valentine's Day." The other said: "Are you serious? Do you think that he really won't get you anything?" The first lady said: "Well, if the son-of-a-bitch doesn't get me anything, I'll cut his ----- off."
Being an astute student of humankind, I took these comments to heart and after work made sure that I bought an appropriate card and some cheap chocolates. On the next day, my wife presented me with a nice card and was extremely happy that I had gotten her some gifts as well. See.. I'm not as dumb as I look, and I listen to what others have to say.
A certain lady of my acquaintance had the same experience.. she and her husband "agreed" to forego giving gifts on Valentine's Day. On that day, she looked for at least a card from her husband.. but he hadn't gotten the message and replied: "You said we weren't going to give each other anything this year, so I didn't get you anything."
Well, it is now 40 years later, and she hasn't forgiven him yet.. and never will.
Gentlemen, take these words to heart and remember: If mama ain't happen, regardless of what she says in advance, nobody is going to be happy. So, get your butt out there and get her a Valentine's Day card and some nice juicy chocolates before the damn store closes!
...............................................
Gotcha!
On Valentine's Day all females, human and otherwise, need to be reassured that they are loved. So, guys, if you haven't gotten something for your loved one yet, you'd better get moving before the stores close.
Many years ago, when finances were tight, my wife and I decided that we would not get anything for each other for Valentine's Day. I went to work, pleased that I did not have to rush around finding something appropriate to the day. However, on that same day, I had to wait outside of a computer room while a job was run. When it was over, I would be able to test a computer program.
As I sat there, I heard two secretaries talking: One said: "My boyfriend and I agreed that we would not get something for each other for Valentine's Day." The other said: "Are you serious? Do you think that he really won't get you anything?" The first lady said: "Well, if the son-of-a-bitch doesn't get me anything, I'll cut his ----- off."
Being an astute student of humankind, I took these comments to heart and after work made sure that I bought an appropriate card and some cheap chocolates. On the next day, my wife presented me with a nice card and was extremely happy that I had gotten her some gifts as well. See.. I'm not as dumb as I look, and I listen to what others have to say.
A certain lady of my acquaintance had the same experience.. she and her husband "agreed" to forego giving gifts on Valentine's Day. On that day, she looked for at least a card from her husband.. but he hadn't gotten the message and replied: "You said we weren't going to give each other anything this year, so I didn't get you anything."
Well, it is now 40 years later, and she hasn't forgiven him yet.. and never will.
Gentlemen, take these words to heart and remember: If mama ain't happen, regardless of what she says in advance, nobody is going to be happy. So, get your butt out there and get her a Valentine's Day card and some nice juicy chocolates before the damn store closes!
...............................................
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I Love Snow
The poet Shelley (you know, the Blythe Spirit guy) said:
I love snow, and all the forms
Of the radiant frost.
I also love snow, but maybe not so much of it.
When I was in grammar school, I was required to memorize several poems. Unfortunately, I was only able to remember the first few lines of each, try as I might.
(The only feat of memorization that I accomplished was the books of the Bible, when I was in a Baptist Sunday School. However, when it came time to demonstrate my prowess, I got stage-fright and couldn't even start to talk.)
One of the bits of poem that I was able to memorize was from James Russell Lowell's poem:
The First Snow-Fall.
The snow had begun in the gloaming
And busily all the night,
Had been heaping field and highway
With a silence deep and white.
The rest of the poem was kind of sad, so I was not eager to memorize it. This sadness surprized me, because Mr. Lowell was the only one of the famous Massachusetts 19th Century poets who normally did humorous and satirical work.
(By the way, Mr. Lowell was the author of the influential Biglow papers.. the first series of which lambasted the Mexican War.. the second series of which was concerned with the Civil War.)
I was interested in this word "gloaming" = dusk. I found that the word probably was derived from Middle English "gloming", from "glom" meaning "dusk". The words "gloom" and "gloomy" come from these roots.
Remember: "Roaming through the gloaming, with my sweetheart by my side." I think this was a line from a Scottish song popularized by Sir Harry Lauder.
Well, the TV announcer says that Eldersburg, Maryland has now received over 20" of snow today.. on top of the 28" they received a couple of days ago. (That's four feet of snow in one week, folks.. more than at Vancouver for the Winter Olympics.) Eldersburg is about 10 miles away from where we are.. and we probably have received as much as they have.
The 40 mph wind gusts are still heaping drifts around our house.. in addition, a Bobcat with a snow blower keeps going by and blowing snow all over the drifts.
Things like mailboxes and fire hydrants disappeared from sight long ago. The poor birds are flying around looking for food and we have cabin fever, but there is no way we could venture out in this blizzard.
The snow is supposed to stop in three hours, but the winds will keep it drifting until tomorrow morning when the sun will miraculously appear to warm us up a bit and melt all of the icicles.
If I were younger, I would now be out shoveling snow. I loved to do that, especially when I was a teenager. On a day after a big snow storm, I could sometimes make $10 shoveling people out. (Ten dollars was big money when I was a kid.)
Now, I live in a "continuing care community" and they don't advise any of us old dudes to shovel snow. At 3 AM this morning, I heard some Spanish, turned on my porch light, and discovered an older man shoveling my porch. He did a good job, but by 8 AM, we were snowed in again. A group of guys came by around ten AM and shoveled the porch again. The snow quickly piled up again and I guess they gave up because the porch snow is now shoulder-high. Maybe they'll come back in the early morning when the snow and blowing stops.
If I'm lucky, they will shovel out my driveway. However, there will still be six feet of snow on top of my car and I'll have to get that put somewhere. I am still young enough to be able to do physical things, but some of my neighbors are quite elderly. I hope they don't try to shovel anything because a heart is a terrible thing to lose.
..........................................................
I love snow, and all the forms
Of the radiant frost.
I also love snow, but maybe not so much of it.
When I was in grammar school, I was required to memorize several poems. Unfortunately, I was only able to remember the first few lines of each, try as I might.
(The only feat of memorization that I accomplished was the books of the Bible, when I was in a Baptist Sunday School. However, when it came time to demonstrate my prowess, I got stage-fright and couldn't even start to talk.)
One of the bits of poem that I was able to memorize was from James Russell Lowell's poem:
The First Snow-Fall.
The snow had begun in the gloaming
And busily all the night,
Had been heaping field and highway
With a silence deep and white.
The rest of the poem was kind of sad, so I was not eager to memorize it. This sadness surprized me, because Mr. Lowell was the only one of the famous Massachusetts 19th Century poets who normally did humorous and satirical work.
(By the way, Mr. Lowell was the author of the influential Biglow papers.. the first series of which lambasted the Mexican War.. the second series of which was concerned with the Civil War.)
I was interested in this word "gloaming" = dusk. I found that the word probably was derived from Middle English "gloming", from "glom" meaning "dusk". The words "gloom" and "gloomy" come from these roots.
Remember: "Roaming through the gloaming, with my sweetheart by my side." I think this was a line from a Scottish song popularized by Sir Harry Lauder.
Well, the TV announcer says that Eldersburg, Maryland has now received over 20" of snow today.. on top of the 28" they received a couple of days ago. (That's four feet of snow in one week, folks.. more than at Vancouver for the Winter Olympics.) Eldersburg is about 10 miles away from where we are.. and we probably have received as much as they have.
The 40 mph wind gusts are still heaping drifts around our house.. in addition, a Bobcat with a snow blower keeps going by and blowing snow all over the drifts.
Things like mailboxes and fire hydrants disappeared from sight long ago. The poor birds are flying around looking for food and we have cabin fever, but there is no way we could venture out in this blizzard.
The snow is supposed to stop in three hours, but the winds will keep it drifting until tomorrow morning when the sun will miraculously appear to warm us up a bit and melt all of the icicles.
If I were younger, I would now be out shoveling snow. I loved to do that, especially when I was a teenager. On a day after a big snow storm, I could sometimes make $10 shoveling people out. (Ten dollars was big money when I was a kid.)
Now, I live in a "continuing care community" and they don't advise any of us old dudes to shovel snow. At 3 AM this morning, I heard some Spanish, turned on my porch light, and discovered an older man shoveling my porch. He did a good job, but by 8 AM, we were snowed in again. A group of guys came by around ten AM and shoveled the porch again. The snow quickly piled up again and I guess they gave up because the porch snow is now shoulder-high. Maybe they'll come back in the early morning when the snow and blowing stops.
If I'm lucky, they will shovel out my driveway. However, there will still be six feet of snow on top of my car and I'll have to get that put somewhere. I am still young enough to be able to do physical things, but some of my neighbors are quite elderly. I hope they don't try to shovel anything because a heart is a terrible thing to lose.
..........................................................
Friday, February 05, 2010
Random Thoughts for a Snowy Afternoon in Maryland
I just got back from the Giant Supermarket. It was a madhouse! Everybody in Maryland must buy milk, bread and toilet paper before every storm, even if their larder is already stocked. On the radio, it was reported that people in a Columbia, Maryland market were fighting over bread!
We are supposed to get over a foot of snow. This means that everything will stop in this area. Of course, there will still be young folks out there driving as though it were a sunny Spring day. As a former taxi-driver in New England, I lived through quite a few snow storms of very large proportions (once about 48"). We learned early in our driving careers about how to maneuver in slippery, slushy conditions.
How many people remember when one had to put chains on your tires in order to move in the snow? It took only a couple of big snow storms to learn how to quickly apply those metal life-savers. Of course, they usually broke a few blocks away from your goal and you had to "get out and get under" to get them repaired and ready to use again. Some years ago, snow tires were invented and that did away with chains, except in the more northern climes of the U.S.
Now I have to tell my Baltimore snow stories. If you have heard them from me before, just scroll through to the end.
I left Massachusetts in 1960 to come to work for Social Security in Baltimore. Relatives and friends advised us not to take Winter clothes because Maryland was below the Mason-Dixon line and warm all the time. We made our scantily-clad way to Pulaski Highway and holed up at a truckstop motel made of cinder blocks that were not quite matched up on the ends.
This would not have been a problem if the weather was indeed warm. But, instead, it was below freezing, and the wind was blowing snow through the cracks between the cinder blocks. We had never been so cold in our lives.
But, we stuck it out and borrowed enough clothes from co-workers to allow us to be somewhat warm until I got my first paycheck and we could buy some coats and sweaters.
My first Social Security assignment was to get training at the Standard Oil Building in downtown Baltimore. Some might know that it is situated at the side of a very steep hill. While in training, Baltimore was hit with a 6-inch snow storm during the day, and because there was no snow policy at the time, we were required to stay in our training area all day.
We had a lot of fun though, looking out the window overlooking the steep hill. The year before then had been a year with no snow precipitation at all, so the City of Baltimore sold all of their snow removal equipment and the hill remained very slippery with snow. Cars were having a hard time getting up and down. Some local politician got the bright idea that this condition could be fixed by using the hose unit of a fire comany truck.
The truck pulled up to the top of the hill, hooked a hose to a hydrant, and began to pour water down the snow-covered hill. This worked great in removing the snow.. but it wasn't so great when the water froze. I had never seen so many cars ski down that hill. Most of them made it to the bottom without hitting anything.. but some didn't. It was a great show.
Since the 1960's snow has been a regular visitor to the Baltimore area, but still not enough to allow drivers to learn how to maneuver in it. I taught safe driving to seniors for eight years and learned that it is almost impossible to explain how to drive in snow and ice when you are teaching in a classroom environment. One needs "on the job" experience.
In cities like Montreal, Canada, people adapt quite well to Winter weather. I visited there once in February and there was snow everywhere. People were doing cross-country skiing all over the place. Not many cars were being used at all. Besides skis, people were using the excellent subway system and shopping in Montreal's underground city.
During that Montreal trip, I put on an unplanned exhibition for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, but that will have to be the subject of another blog. Meanwhile, I am going to sit here at my kitchen window and watch the snow fall.
......................................................................
We are supposed to get over a foot of snow. This means that everything will stop in this area. Of course, there will still be young folks out there driving as though it were a sunny Spring day. As a former taxi-driver in New England, I lived through quite a few snow storms of very large proportions (once about 48"). We learned early in our driving careers about how to maneuver in slippery, slushy conditions.
How many people remember when one had to put chains on your tires in order to move in the snow? It took only a couple of big snow storms to learn how to quickly apply those metal life-savers. Of course, they usually broke a few blocks away from your goal and you had to "get out and get under" to get them repaired and ready to use again. Some years ago, snow tires were invented and that did away with chains, except in the more northern climes of the U.S.
Now I have to tell my Baltimore snow stories. If you have heard them from me before, just scroll through to the end.
I left Massachusetts in 1960 to come to work for Social Security in Baltimore. Relatives and friends advised us not to take Winter clothes because Maryland was below the Mason-Dixon line and warm all the time. We made our scantily-clad way to Pulaski Highway and holed up at a truckstop motel made of cinder blocks that were not quite matched up on the ends.
This would not have been a problem if the weather was indeed warm. But, instead, it was below freezing, and the wind was blowing snow through the cracks between the cinder blocks. We had never been so cold in our lives.
But, we stuck it out and borrowed enough clothes from co-workers to allow us to be somewhat warm until I got my first paycheck and we could buy some coats and sweaters.
My first Social Security assignment was to get training at the Standard Oil Building in downtown Baltimore. Some might know that it is situated at the side of a very steep hill. While in training, Baltimore was hit with a 6-inch snow storm during the day, and because there was no snow policy at the time, we were required to stay in our training area all day.
We had a lot of fun though, looking out the window overlooking the steep hill. The year before then had been a year with no snow precipitation at all, so the City of Baltimore sold all of their snow removal equipment and the hill remained very slippery with snow. Cars were having a hard time getting up and down. Some local politician got the bright idea that this condition could be fixed by using the hose unit of a fire comany truck.
The truck pulled up to the top of the hill, hooked a hose to a hydrant, and began to pour water down the snow-covered hill. This worked great in removing the snow.. but it wasn't so great when the water froze. I had never seen so many cars ski down that hill. Most of them made it to the bottom without hitting anything.. but some didn't. It was a great show.
Since the 1960's snow has been a regular visitor to the Baltimore area, but still not enough to allow drivers to learn how to maneuver in it. I taught safe driving to seniors for eight years and learned that it is almost impossible to explain how to drive in snow and ice when you are teaching in a classroom environment. One needs "on the job" experience.
In cities like Montreal, Canada, people adapt quite well to Winter weather. I visited there once in February and there was snow everywhere. People were doing cross-country skiing all over the place. Not many cars were being used at all. Besides skis, people were using the excellent subway system and shopping in Montreal's underground city.
During that Montreal trip, I put on an unplanned exhibition for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, but that will have to be the subject of another blog. Meanwhile, I am going to sit here at my kitchen window and watch the snow fall.
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Wednesday, February 03, 2010
A Fairy Tale
Several people have sent me this fairy tale via email. It has to be a fairy tale because it is simply too amazing to be true.. but, of course, we live in a time of amazing stories. Here goes:
Immediately after the shooting at the military base in Oregon, the armed guard at the fort hospital was surprised to see the President arive alone in a car he was driving. After the startled guard recognized and allowed the President to enter the facility, the President met with the wounded people and paid his respects to the fallen.
Wow.. what a story... a President who cares enough to come to the base and pay his respects. But wait, who was that President? Why it was George W. Bush! President Obama didn't show up until a few days later.. shame on him.
Now.. that's a great story, that shows us what a kind and thoughtful person President Bush is and how thoughtless President Obama is. And isn't it amazing that:
President Bush drove 2,000 miles alone, in his own car to reach the base.
President Bush somehow convinced the Secret Service men who are assigned to every retired President 24/7 that they should allow him to drive unaccompanied all that distance.
Where were the newspaper reporters? Where was Laura? What about his staff?
Where did the President stay over night? Did he drive all the way through without stopping? Did he sleep in the car? Did he have a change of clothes? A toothbrush?
Why didn't anybody recognize him when he stopped to eat lunch or to pee?
Perhaps he parachuted in and rented a car in town.
Perhaps it was a George W. Bush look-alike. Some of these guys are "dead ringers" for Mr. Bush. Why didn't that guard ask for identification? What were his orders about letting unauthorized people onto the grounds?
Suppose it was a terrorist in Bush disguise.
I didn't know that Carl Rove was back in business.
Enough!
Some folks will make up any story to discredit President Obama, by making it sound like he doesn't care. As an Independent, I try to see what both parties are about and I know that "dirty tricks" are not confined to just one Party; however, to try to make up stories in an attempt to cause a President of the United States to fail, is disreputable, in my opinion. Even those who thought that President Bush was ill suited to the job, did not want him to fail. Methinks I detect some racist tendencies here.. I hope I am wrong.
........................................
Immediately after the shooting at the military base in Oregon, the armed guard at the fort hospital was surprised to see the President arive alone in a car he was driving. After the startled guard recognized and allowed the President to enter the facility, the President met with the wounded people and paid his respects to the fallen.
Wow.. what a story... a President who cares enough to come to the base and pay his respects. But wait, who was that President? Why it was George W. Bush! President Obama didn't show up until a few days later.. shame on him.
Now.. that's a great story, that shows us what a kind and thoughtful person President Bush is and how thoughtless President Obama is. And isn't it amazing that:
President Bush drove 2,000 miles alone, in his own car to reach the base.
President Bush somehow convinced the Secret Service men who are assigned to every retired President 24/7 that they should allow him to drive unaccompanied all that distance.
Where were the newspaper reporters? Where was Laura? What about his staff?
Where did the President stay over night? Did he drive all the way through without stopping? Did he sleep in the car? Did he have a change of clothes? A toothbrush?
Why didn't anybody recognize him when he stopped to eat lunch or to pee?
Perhaps he parachuted in and rented a car in town.
Perhaps it was a George W. Bush look-alike. Some of these guys are "dead ringers" for Mr. Bush. Why didn't that guard ask for identification? What were his orders about letting unauthorized people onto the grounds?
Suppose it was a terrorist in Bush disguise.
I didn't know that Carl Rove was back in business.
Enough!
Some folks will make up any story to discredit President Obama, by making it sound like he doesn't care. As an Independent, I try to see what both parties are about and I know that "dirty tricks" are not confined to just one Party; however, to try to make up stories in an attempt to cause a President of the United States to fail, is disreputable, in my opinion. Even those who thought that President Bush was ill suited to the job, did not want him to fail. Methinks I detect some racist tendencies here.. I hope I am wrong.
........................................
Monday, February 01, 2010
Love Stuff
As a tribute to the up-coming Valentine's Day, the Nation magazine has published a critique by Miriam Markowitz on a book by Cristina Nehring titled: A Vindication of Love (Reclaiming Romance for the Twenty-First Century.)
You've heard of a "Chick Flick".. well this sounds to me as though the book is a "Chick Book".. I recommend that you read the review, think about what it covers, then maybe buy and read the book itself, because it sounds good. (I might buy it and I'm not even a "chick") Besides, who is not "in love" with "love" and doesn't want to learn more about it?
Some "love" books that are mentioned by the reviewer, (and also recommended by that "love expert" me) and which are supposedly mentioned in the subject book are:
Plato's Symposium.
Ovid's Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love.). advertised for years in the back pages of comic books and detective magazines.. to be sent for by adolescent boys just trying to discover what "love" or maybe "lust" is all about. (Want to borrow my copy?)
Diane of the Crossways by George Meredith (18th century).
A Vindication of the Rights of a Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft.
The Allegory of Love by C.S. Lewis. (A theory of the invention of courtly love.)
The End of the Novel of Love (1997) by Vivian Gornich. (Love in full bloom in the Bronx of World War II.)
When did romantic love begin anyway? Adam and Eve? King Arthur's Court? Stratford upon Avon? The Galapagos Islands? Woodstock?
If it wasn't for "love" where would the music industry be?
"I'm in the mood for love"
"Love makes the world go round."
"Love me or leave me"
"Be my love"
"Love me tender"
"I'm not at all in love"
"I'm in love with a wonderful (guy/gal)"
"L O V E, love"
etc., etc., etc., etc.
I love "love", don't you? Happy Valentine's Day!
................................
You've heard of a "Chick Flick".. well this sounds to me as though the book is a "Chick Book".. I recommend that you read the review, think about what it covers, then maybe buy and read the book itself, because it sounds good. (I might buy it and I'm not even a "chick") Besides, who is not "in love" with "love" and doesn't want to learn more about it?
Some "love" books that are mentioned by the reviewer, (and also recommended by that "love expert" me) and which are supposedly mentioned in the subject book are:
Plato's Symposium.
Ovid's Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love.). advertised for years in the back pages of comic books and detective magazines.. to be sent for by adolescent boys just trying to discover what "love" or maybe "lust" is all about. (Want to borrow my copy?)
Diane of the Crossways by George Meredith (18th century).
A Vindication of the Rights of a Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft.
The Allegory of Love by C.S. Lewis. (A theory of the invention of courtly love.)
The End of the Novel of Love (1997) by Vivian Gornich. (Love in full bloom in the Bronx of World War II.)
When did romantic love begin anyway? Adam and Eve? King Arthur's Court? Stratford upon Avon? The Galapagos Islands? Woodstock?
If it wasn't for "love" where would the music industry be?
"I'm in the mood for love"
"Love makes the world go round."
"Love me or leave me"
"Be my love"
"Love me tender"
"I'm not at all in love"
"I'm in love with a wonderful (guy/gal)"
"L O V E, love"
etc., etc., etc., etc.
I love "love", don't you? Happy Valentine's Day!
................................
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