A rainy day for a change.
"I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds." Wendy Liebman (per Funny Paper)
01. A Person to Hate?
The Carroll County Times had the picture of a sad looking cat on its first page.. the cat was in the hospital because "a large, muscular tank-top wearing brute" slammed a pet cat onto the concrete and broke a lot of its bones. It will live, but probably will have a hard time walking. Right now, the cat can't move its legs at all.
Why would someone do that?
This would be termed a misdemeanor in court and would not get a very long jail sentence, if any.
I'm reminded of my brother in law, Moe. He and his friend, Jimmie, would terrorize their neighborhood cats and throw them in the sewer. He knew that I didn't like that, and he may have reformed, but I doubt it.
Who did do this? Was it a neighbor who didn't like the cat peeing in its garden? I predict that it is a 25 year old, whose medulla oblongata has not yet matured.
02. *Immigrant Kids .. Closed Meetings Again
Neil Ridgely of Finksburg, wrote a letter to the editor today, in which he lambasted Commissioners Rothschild and Shoemaker for holding a closed meeting and stirring up the feelings of the community about the possibility of some "immigrant kids" having diseases.
Jim Rowe also wrote about his displeasure with Rothschild, and how he is going to go through with a write-in campaign. Many would like to see Jim get in and bring some rationality to the group of commissioners in Carroll County.
03. How high is an Elephant's eye?
The average corn height in Carroll County right now is 82". (Almost 7 feet!)
04. L'chaim!
The Reverend Ellen M. Dize quotes Billy Graham in her column today: "Heaven will be the perfection we've always longed for. All the things that make earth unlovely and tragic will be absent in heaven." Ellen says that she is saddened by the quote and says: "Must we wait until after we die to experience joy, peace, abundance and serenity?"
I agree with Ellen. Why spend your life being depressed about life and anxious to get to go to heaven and "walk on the road to the New Jerusalem"? Look around you.. in spite of all the evil in the world, there is also joy if you just look for it. For example: Look in the face of a smiling little baby.
Besides, why listen to Billy Graham (alias Elmer Gantry?) According to him, everyone is a sinner and must repent and be "born again".. in other words "Don't snap for no seven to get ya to heaven.. " just live a good life and adhere to one of the versions of the Golden Rule... because Life is Good! L'chaim!
05. Animal trivia from WWDTM
On today's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, I was interested in the following information:
Love birds get divorced. (say it ain't so!)
Hawaii is offering dolphin-assisted child birth.
A shoplifter was caught because his girl friend dropped her duck!
06. United States Government Information .. Prohibition
I'm a member of the National Active and Retired Federal Employees (NARFE) group. Their monthly magazine appeared today and had this tidbit of information:
"The U.S. Border Patrol was established in 1924 following passage of the 18th Amendment to the Constitution prohibiting the import, manufacture or sale of alcoholic beverages, as well as the enactment of laws putting numerical limits on immigration. In 2003, it became part of Customs and Border Protection, under the newly created Department of Homeland Security."
My late Aunt Mary's second husband, Afton Wilson, had a nice job during Prohibition. Whenever a rum-runner's boat was stopped by the Border Patrol and its booze confiscated, Afton's job was to take over the now-empty boat and bring it to shore. Mary said that he got to keep the confiscated boats, but I kind of doubt that.
My Grandfather, Arthur S. Vaughan, alias, The Senator, worked in the family funeral home during Prohibition and was known to imbibe a bit on embalming fluid. It apparently didn't mess his liver up too badly, because he lived to the age of 87.
07. Underwear Guilt
Dave Barry, in the Funny Paper sez: "No doubt, your mom always told you that your underwear should be clean and free of holes or stains, because you might get into a car crash and be taken, unconscious, to the hospital, and people would see your underwear and possibly ridicule it. Your mom was absolutely right, as we can see from the following unretouched transcript from the emergency room of a major hospital.
Doctor: What do we have here?
Nurse: We have a car-crash victim who has severe head trauma and a broken neck and massive internal injuries and is spewing blood like a fire hydrant.
Doctor: (briskly): OK, lets take a look at his underwear. .. WHOA! How do you get Cheez Whiz THERE?"
08. *Unsolved Mysteries of Life
Larry Anderson asks: "Why does everybody stand up and sing 'Take Me Out To The Ball Game' when they're already there?"
09. How old are you, really?
Harvard Medical School sez that researchers calculate that 70-year-olds today are equivalent, healthwise, to 65-year-olds who lived 30 years ago. (what about us 80 year old geezers?)
10. Mail Delivery Retained
My NARFE magazine sez that despite two major attempts in the House to eliminate the six-day mail delivery requirement, it appears to have "weathered the political storm." But, don't hold your breath, the six-day issue is bound to pop up again... probably as a sneaky amendment on a bill not related to postal service.
11. Back to Bundy .. Logic
Members of the Constitutional Sheriffs and Peace Officers Association were at Bundy's ranch, led by their founder, Richard Mack, hero to militia airheads. Mack suggested that it would be good to put women at the front of their group so that, if shooting began, they would be the first to die and Federal officers would be depicted as savage brutes.
12. Win some; Lose some
Chuck Shepherd writes in the Funny Paper: "A jury in Fresno, CA, decided that (the defendant) was guilty of burglary, but they accidently signed the "not guilty" form, instead, and by the time (the)Judge caught the error, he could not change it (because of 'double jeopardy'.) (The defendant walked out a free man, went to his sister's home, got into a fight hours later, and was stabbed to death by the sister's boyfriend."
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