Thursday, May 15, 2014

Social Security Alumni Luncheon, Mail Order Scam, Behold I Knock, Goats and Squirrels

Today was a wonderful day.  Elaine and I attended the 40th annual reunion luncheon of the Social Security Alumni Association, of which I am the perpetual president.  It was great spending time with old and new SSA buddies.  Peggy Syzmanski, who works in our office won a $ door prize and then won the 50-50 for more $. Lucky!


We all pigged out on homemade (mostly) desserts, including some sticky little poor excuses for brownies that I made.   I bought the mix at Home Goods.. and it was from some foreign company.  I should have known better and bought the mix at Giant.


Before I go on, let me tell you about a scam that I thought I could avoid.  Mail brochures often arrive with offers that you can't afford to pass up..  once you sign up to get the dirt cheap item, more items (at bigger prices) begin to show up in you mail box.  No matter how many of these you send back unopened and no matter how many times you tell them you don't want these items, the companies completely ignore you.


Such was the case when a company offered a book about 1942 for a couple of bucks.. like a dummy, I sent for it.. and it really was a nice book.   Along with my payment, I told them not to send me any more.  Did they listen?  Hell no!  A short time later, another book showed up, which I sent back to them unopened.  Today, I got a bill for that book, plus another that has never shown up, with a late charge!  Shame on me for getting hooked.  However, they will never get another cent from me and I will be reminding my policemen and civilian friends at my next  TRIAD/SALT meetings about this scam.


So you too will know... the company is Live It Again Books, PO BX 8000, Big Sandy, TX 75755-8000.


I'll be also talking about this scam, as well as others at my crime presentation in June 2014 at Carroll Lutheran Village in Westminster, MD. 


Speaking of crime... yesterday the radio announcers at Baltimore's WMAR station were startled to hear someone banging on their locked door, asking to be let in.  It was GOD!  (or so he said)  When he didn't gain entry, he just put his truck in gear and blasted through the door. His beneficence apparently kept him from hitting anyone.  I trust that his future cell-mate, Bubba, will be very pleased to make the acquaintance of a demiurge.


The police in Eldersburg, Maryland,  are searching for one or two rogue goats which are terrorizing the neighborhood. This deserved a headline in today's Carroll County Times


Also, a rogue creature, which I suspect to be a squirrel stole the suet feeder which I had chained to my side porch railing  (.. could it have been one of the goats instead?)  The culprit (or should I say Unsub?) left the feeder under a bush when it couldn't get it open because of wires that I had put around it.  However, the rascal did manage to suck most of the suet out through the holes in the holder.  I'll have to think of some other way to preserve suet for the birds because I can't have an unknown creature besting me!


Well, I have so much to talk about... and no time left to do so.... hope to see  you next time.







Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Literature, Non-Profits, and My Brother Joe

Lisa Albin, information person for Carroll Lutheran Village called me this morning in an attempt to assuage me for complaining about the editing of an entry of mine for our Creative Expressions magazine.  I had attempted to write a short piece about a former SSA secretary who had been a twin, and how that fact affected many of us at the time of her death.  The editing committee decided that my sentences were too short and my spacing too long.  I disagreed.  I felt that this was the way I wanted it to be.. similar, in my mind, to the work of Norman Mailer or Earnest Hemmingway. 


Lisa, a very nice person by the way, suggested that instead of editing, a phrase might be added under the title:  ala Earnest Hemmingway..  or:  in the style of Norman Mailer.   I agreed.


Lisa has also been very successful in getting pictures for CLV into the local paper.  However, she did tell me that there is a large backlog of pictures at the paper and it may take a long time to get something published.  I have about 7 pictures that I've been waiting to see.


In addition, the local paper has been sold.. so, I expect big changes coming soon in how they handle news and pictures coming in from Non-Profits, speaking of which:


Our Carroll County, Maryland, commissioners (5, count-em), when they are not busily praying and conducting off-County Conservative forums, have granted another $400,000 to be given out to home-schoolers and private-schoolers to cover their non-scholastic expenses.  They granted a previous $400,000 last year.. not all of which we're told has been given out yet.  Democrat Neil Ridgely  was published today questioning this practice of giving out so much money to a Non-Profit.. The "catch-all" non-profit group that handles this  money, is run by an honest lady.. but some are concerned that somebody else in her office might consider the temporary usage of that money to be appropriate.  I hope not, but $800,000 in available funds might be an enormous temptation.   As Bruce Lohr says:  There is no crime unless there is an opportunity.


The Non-Profit group is not required to account for the use of the  money... can you believe that? We, in TRIAD/SALT for Carroll County, were told once that we could apply to get covered by the CC Non-Profit group, but I could not see any use to that for us unless we decided to expand "big-time" and needed to solicit funds.  Our source of expense money comes from the sale of old cell-phones and they do not bring in much money at all.


Change the subject, Joe:


My brother, Joe, who lives in Ohio, turned 78 yesterday.  I have a card for him, but I've lost his address again and I don't have his phone number. It's tough  to get old!  Anyway, a while ago, he sent me a literary "bucket list".. a short list of books and movies to see before dying.


1. Jack London:  To Build a Fire


(There are several versions.. I downloaded them all to my Kindle and reread them.)


2.  Earnest Hemingway:  A Man of the World


(Looking forward to reading it.)


3.  Shirley Jackson:  The Lottery


(A classic that I enjoyed again recently.)


4.  Mark Twain: Literary Offenses of James Fennimore Cooper


(Must be the only MT writing that I haven't read yet.)


5.  Movie:  Bagdhad CafĂ©


(Haven't seen it  yet.)


6.  Movie:  Pritzzi's Honor


(Can't remember it, so maybe I didn't see it yet.)


My brother has great insight when it comes to matters of the mind, so I will make every effort to acquaint myself with these works.


By the way.. a little set of statistics on Baltimore by the  Nation magazine (my favorite).


Life expectancy in a not so classy anymore neighborhood:  63
Life expectancy in a still classy neighborhood:  83
Median household income in the first neighborhood: $13,000.
Median household income in the second neighborhood: $90,000.


A worthy goal would be to get  a lot of folks FREE educational opportunities, so they can get  good, well-paying jobs.. so they can migrate from the first neighborhood to a neighborhood similar to the second.   Does anyone in Congress share my view?  I don't think so.


Enough!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Summer in May, Hopkins, Baltimore's Washington Monument, Fan Club and Snyder's Willow Grove

Well.. Summer is here already.  85 degrees in Westminster, and 92 in downtown Baltimore, Maryland.


I spent another couple of hours today at the Dermatology Surgery Department of Johns Hopkins Hospital.  They covered my eyes so I wouldn't see the blood, as they sliced a cancerous lesion from my right forearm. The cutting and sewing were done with absolutely no pain felt by me. Whatever was incised will be reinterpreted to see if there might be more left to extract....


Leaving the hospital, as usual, I got on the wrong one-way street and had another nice tour of downtown Baltimore.  I see that the Washington Monument in Mount Vernon Square (Baltimore, not DC) is enclosed by scaffolding with stairs showing through glass or clear plastic so that the bosses can watch and make sure nobody is goofing off.  Maybe not true.. but anyway, the effect is eye-catching, like a piece of modern art.


I was wrong yesterday about DC's Washington Monument.  It had been weakened by an earthquake, not by a weather event.


On the way home from Hopkins, I spent a while grocery shopping at Giant.  Sometime in the process, I dropped one of my "Joe Vaughan Fan Club" pens.  I couldn't find it.  I wonder if the sweeper will notice the legend and keep the pen for me to pick up. 


When I write these blog entries, I always feel like London's Samuel Pepys, who chronicled everything that happened to him for years.  Pepys did not think that anyone would ever read his diary entries, but I think that mine will be read, at least by my son, Chris, who was my first "follower" and an excellent blogger himself.


My medical adventure caused me to miss the monthly gathering of some Social  Security Alumni folks at the Tokyo Buffet in Woodlawn.  You do not want to miss that place!  Indescribable food.. half of which is Oriental and half of which is European.  You know an Oriental restaurant is good when a large number of clients are of Oriental extraction.


There is a sad restaurant note though.   Because of the recent flooding by the Patapsco River, Snyder's Willow Grove will be closing.  This was their 7th flooding over the years and they finally gave up.  A shame.. although it wasn't a famous place like Hausners, it did have good food and a loyal clientele.  We had our Social Security Alumni functions there for  years.  However, our members let us know a couple of years ago that they would like to try someplace else for a change.


We tried the Candlelight Inn last year (another classy place),  but this year they decided to sell.  We finally decided on a place called Bare Bones for this  year's annual luncheon.  Why don't you join us, we are going to have a lot of fun and you can try my famous brownies (we bring our own desserts.).
 

Monday, May 12, 2014

Back Again!

(This is an unpublished account of my medical problems in 2012 and 2013.  Skip it unless you want to hear a boring story.  However, members of my family should read it, because of the hereditary information.)


I'm back from fighting leg wounds that  would not heal! After spending a while at the local hospital's wound care facility.. it was decided that I would need other eyes to look at my condition and try to figure out  why I had a constant 10+ pain level, even with the usual amount  of  pain killers given to people with bad wounds.  So, off I went to the very best hospital in the  world (look it up)..  Johns Hopkins in Baltimore.



Their first line of attack was to eliminate the constant pain.. which was accomplished with a massive combination of narcotics, high density pain patches and other medications.  Once done, they were able to redo all of my prior tests and discovered that the blood going down my legs, was not being returned.. a condition that I discovered was one of my mother's late-life conditions... and is hereditary. 



An ablation procedure was prescribed on one of  my legs.. that's cauterization of clogged veins.. this was a traumatic experience for me because they  treated it as a major procedure rather than a relatively minor procedure that  it normally is and gave me serious sedation. My mind did not appreciate the drugs that were applied to keep me sedated and I had a major nightmare type of waking up... I imagined I was in a coffin and a roomful of people were peering down at  me and talking.  It was so real I had the fun of reliving it (so to speak) over and over for a couple of weeks.



Anyway, I refused to have the second leg done soon... and my  major wound care doctor agreed with me and said that I was  too old a dude anyway to have the second leg done, but that would not be necessary as long as I did my post-op exercises and such for the rest of my life... this includes the squeezing of my legs by big blue coverings for two hours each day.. and the wearing of tight stockings almost all of the  time.



Once my leg condition cleared up,  I was very happy and felt good.. however, now I had to go through a couple of months of major withdrawal symptoms from all of the drugs I had become used to.   You've heard of these symptoms... so I'm not going to mention them here.. suffice it to say, I was not the nice person I normally am during that time!

Mount Vernon and George

Today was a very interesting day.  About 50 of us Carroll Lutheran Village folks took a Rill's Company bus to George Washington's home at Mount Vernon, Virginia.  The rain held off until 5 pm, so we had nice weather


And guess what?  The wheel chair lift worked!  I think I have mentioned the problem we had in Philadelphia with the same bus.  We froze our fingers working on the lift for two hours until somebody figured out how to work it manually with a pair of pliers.


Also, last week, on an Eyre's Bus to the Maryland State Archives in Annapolis, the lift did not go either up or down.  Elaine was first stuck for a while in limbo, until it suddenly worked. Later, it wouldn't work again, and we had to wait for an Eyre's mechanic to drive down from Baltimore to figure out how to get it to work. He never did figure it out, but he did finally get it to go up and at our destination, to go down.  Nobody knew why.  At least Elaine didn't have to sleep on the bus.


Today, our only bus problem was the narrow seats where one had to suffer painful "cheek separation."  Of course, this could be fixed by diet.


At Mount Vernon, we encountered 85,936 children in yellow t-shirts.  The shirts each had a long-winded message emblazoned on it's back, that, in effect, outlined a police initiative in the District of Columbia. Plain-clothed (in yellow t-shirts) policemen shepherd underprivileged kids to historical points of interest in the DC area.  The operation under which the cops do their fine work is called "Seminole."  (I couldn't find anything about it on Google.)


This reminds me of the program in our Carroll County (Maryland) called "Shop With A Cop," where local policemen go with kids to buy them gifts for Christmas. Sargeant Keith Benfer, of the Westminster Police Department, is the main worker on this very noble activity.  Keith is a loyal member of our local TRIAD/SALT effort in Carroll County.


I pushed Elaine (uphill) to the Mansion House at Mount Vernon, and we took a look at George Washington's first floor.  The second floor was not handicapped accessible.  Instead, a docent gave us a book with pictures of the second floor rooms and we sat on George's front porch and looked at it, and at the beautiful view of the Potomac River.  The river looks nice and clean now, but I've read that it and the Anacostia River were once quite polluted with DC waste of all kinds.


We also  looked in on the slave quarters.  Elaine was worried about where female slaves relieved themselves, not seeing any porcelain equipment in the vicinity.


The area abounds with gigantic trees: elm, magnolia, oak, etc.  One tree was so fat, it must have been a good size when George was a boy.  Of course, we could not see any cherry trees, because little George chopped them all down, or so Parson Weems told us.  I'm planning to manage a discussion group session on TRUTH later in the Summer, and I will make sure we talk about little George's honesty.


Our group ate a very nice lunch at the Mount Vernon Inn, right there at the mansion site.  Nice ham slices, with skinny string beans, salad and mashed potatoes..  and, of course, a nice slice of cherry pie.


After lunch, we had 2 (count-em 2) hours to spend in either the souvenir shops or the on-site museums.  Elaine chose "shop",  I chose "museum".. although I did buy 5 books later.  The museums outlined George's life..  his early occupation, his military campaigns and his political life.  And.. naturally... his TEETH.  Not wood, by the way..  we've been lied to.  Poor George, his teeth were bad  all of his life and kept falling out, so that he had to write to England to get  some false ones made out of animal bone and plaster.. hinged on the sides by wire like that used by the Tin Man in OZ.


When he was inaugurated as our first President, George took the oath while trying to hide his last remaining tooth.  Mr. President, I know the feeling.  I had massive teeth problems in high school that required some false ones to secretly replace bad ones, so that my fellow high-school friends did not notice. 


This is probably much more than you would care to know about our trip to our Nation's capitol... except..


Yesterday, the Washington Monument was opened again, after needed repairs because of our bad weather.  As we drove along the river, we got a great view of the monument.. as well as a marvelous view of the Lincoln Memorial.  Helicopters and jet aircraft were flying through our vista... I thought that air planes were not supposed to fly over DC.


Enough!

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day, Prayer, Hopkins, TB, Education, Health

It's a beautiful Mother's Day... Sun is shining.. temperature is 70 degrees..  very nice!


Elaine's daughter, Emily, and her family, sent Elaine a vase filled with her favorite flowers.. lavender.  We might even be able to plant some in our deck garden.  They have a smell that Elaine really likes.  They are said to calm one's nerves and to  allow one to fall asleep fast and have pleasant dreams.  I'm all for that.


Last night, I heard some music on A Prairie Home that I really liked.  It was by a guy, who I confess, I had never heard of before..  Brad Paisley.  One of his songs was a recent creation with a Geologic twist (his hobby):  "Your Sub-strata Makes My Lava Flow."  It's a crowd-pleaser.  I'll have to take a closer look at this guy's music. 


It seems as though everybody in the world has heard about some of our County Commissioners and their "looney tunes" activity.  One of their adventures was to continue to do "Jesus prayers" at County meetings even though warned not to by a judge.  Now, based on the decision by a majority of the Supreme Court in Greece v Galloway, they think that they have no reason at all to stop.


My reading of the situation is that they have misinterpreted the Supreme Court ruling.  Now, in Greece (NY) meetings can continue to have "Jesus prayers" because the prayers are given by members of the clergy, and the opportunity to do so is open to clergy of all faiths.  This is not the case in Carroll County, Maryland, where the Commissioners themselves do the prayers.


Michael Meyerson of the University of Baltimore wrote a book in 2012 entitled: Endowed by Their Creator; The Birth of Religious Freedom in America.  Quoted in the Baltimore Sun today, Mr. Meyerson says that the drafters of the Constitution tried to find language that would pertain to everyone, regardless of their beliefs.


Years ago, when I was President of an AARP Chapter, we opened each meeting with a "Jesus prayer" and everyone thought that was ok except for a couple of people.  The person who gave the prayer was a retired preacher who was liked by everybody, so I did nothing about the complaint and never heard anything else from the complainers.  I thought: what harm does it do to listen to such a prayer even though you are not a "believer".. just don't participate.  Now, based on Greece v Galloway, the prayer practice was within the law.   (What do  you think?)


Famous public speaker, Cathy Hiebler, confronted the situation very early in her Toastmasters activity.  Called upon to emcee and run numerous public functions, she wrote a generic prayer that would be acceptable to people of all faiths.  In effect, it calls upon whatever "higher power" or "ethical guide" that one believes in or follows.  As far as I know, she has never gotten a complaint about her creation.


Today's Baltimore Sun also has an article about a rally by Johns Hopkins employees who want a raise in salary.  I assumed that an organization as well-liked and world famous as Hopkins would pay their employees a living wage.  The article mentions persons who must use food stamps to feed their families, while working in a wondrously wealthy place.  Surely Hopkins can't afford to lose highly trained and regarded personnel because of money matters.  Shame on them!


Good news for the Social Security Administration. The Agency's website: SSA.GOV has gotten great praise for it's clarity.  I think it scored second in a survey of Government websites.  Steven Patrick gets a "thank you" for pushing the use of  "plain language" in the written products of SSA.


Another bit of good news for Baltimore.  In 1966, Baltimore had the highest Tuberculosis rate of any large city in the US: 75 per 100,000.  But in 2013, the rate had dropped to only 4 in 100,000.  The drop resulted, in part, due to an outreach program developed in 1978, whereby nurses would visit patients and watch them take their medication.   A simple solution, but apparently very effective.


The Carroll County Times has been having a "forum" for all election candidates in the County.  Today they asked candidates for the Board of Education to talk.  A friend of mine from Social Security and Toastmasters, Charlie Bud Nason participated.   Charlie was and is a gifted analyst and public speaker.  While I do not usually agree with his political stance, I'm sure that he would bring some "class" to the Board.  Good luck to him.


Finally..  Bottom Line publications report that eggs may reduce high blood pressure, based on the research work of Jianping Wu, PhD, University of Alberta, Canada.  Dr. Wu says that egg proteins have effects similar to those of ACE inhibitors, prescription medicines used to treat hypertension. (My question:  I eat lots of eggs.  Can I throw away my ACE inhibitor prescriptions?)


And.. Dr. Bess Dawson-Hughes of Tufts University, Boston, suggests that we eat 8 to 10 servings of fruit and vegetables daily to preserve muscle mass as we age.  (My question:  I think that I eat a lot of fruit and vegetables each day, but when I count them up, it usually comes to 6 at the most. How can I increase that?)

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Vampires, Monsters, Snot and Crosswords

Wait Wait Don't Tell Me reported on a major breakthrough in health matters today:  Scientists have found that puny, sickly mice can get their vim and vigor back by drinking the blood of young mice!


Well, we always suspected that vampires owed their long lives to their main source of nutrients, namely.. the yummy blood of chubby young people. 


This new information also seems to give us the reason why good "mousers" live long and active lives.


Us old guys with chronic conditions, hoping for recovery and rejuvenation, have looked eagerly for the application of natal stem cells, and now we can also look for sanguine transfusions.  We, of course, would not want little babies to suffer from our greedy desires, so some kind of blood-stretching product would need to be developed in the future by our Soylent Green factories, so that toddlers would only lose a small amount of the red stuff at a time (I wonder what Dean Swift would think of this.)


Guess who I saw on TV, up to his old tricks of tearing down whole blocks of buildings?  Yes.. the mighty Godzilla has apparently been cloned into a new, more fearsome looking, obese monster.  I was looking at an advance trailer for an upcoming movie.  From what I saw, it looks like the film makers have been able to use the old Japanese screen footage. 


I was interviewed by a young college student last month, as part of her gerontology program.  She will be talking to a few of us old folks, to learn what we think about everything.  As I rambled on, I noticed that her eyes got glassy.. then it dawned on me.. she had no idea who and what I was talking about. I will not give you an example of the topics, because I liked the girl and don't want to make you think she was not intelligent.  It is just part of the age gap.. I don't know things about her milieu, as she doesn't know about mine, although she is trying hard to learn.  (But... she has never heard of Godzilla.. and I think that is a good thing!)


There is a little newspaper called The Advocate.  It appears in my area each Tuesday and often has news of local interest. Last week, it had an article about a Carroll County Library program with the title: Science of Snot.  Children aged 5 through 17 will be able to go "hands on" with the topic. Yuk! Actually, the audience will get to make phony bodily mucus using common household items, and will learn that the materials that they all pick out of their noses and put into their mouths are not bad for them, and actually help them keep harmful germs from endangering their systems.


The Advocate also publishes schedules for some of my organizations (usually, but not always) and includes pictures that I submit (usually, but not always).  My only problem with the paper is with the crossword that they publish.  Its a nice little puzzle, with old-fashioned clues and answers, and is a nice little diversion for old timers like me.  However, directly underneath the puzzle.. is printed the solution.  They could at least print it upside down!  (I'll talk about this with them.)


Remember!  1. Crossword puzzles should be done in ink;.
                     2. The Internet is a valid resource to handle obscure clues.


((For instance:  Who was the pitcher who struck out only two batters in the 1956 World Series?  Now, who the devil would have that information in their head?  (I know one guy who would.. George Orange of Social Security fame.)  So, go ahead, look it up using Google or Bing or whatever, fill in the answer, and never again worry about it.))

Friday, May 09, 2014

Hey, I'm Back! Thank You Johns Hopkins!

Well, here I am again.  I had to drop off of my blog universe because of a mysterious series of leg wounds that would not heal.  It took over a year and lots of narcotic pain killers to get me back to "life" again.


Just think.. I could not lay down for a whole year and I was in pain levels 9 or 10 without medication and in pain levels 5 or 6 even with drugs. Because the drugs were there just to kill the pain and not to get "high", I did not have the usual reactions of a "druggie," and could drive and function more or less like a normal person.

After the local hospital continued to debride (read: cut into, to force healing) my wounds even when it was just making them worse, a change of location to the world-famous Johns Hopkins Hospital was considered and made.  I should have done so a lot earlier. 


At Hopkins, my life was "resurrected" (appropriately) by a Doctor Lazarus, unquestionably the greatest wound care specialist in the world.  He found that I was suffering from an inherited venal problem.  Concentrating on fixing veins and not continuing to dig holes in my legs worked to clear up my wounds.  Believe me.. I love that  man and his extremely competent nursing assistants.


In addition, my partner, Elaine, kept me following the doctor's orders on medication, bandaging, and showing up for many, many appointments 40 miles away at Bayview.  She was an excellent nurse, even when I was one grouchy "son of a bitch.'  I don't think I would be here  today if she hadn't helped me so much.


Let me be clear... debriding usually works for normal wounds, and our local hospital has a very competent wound care staff.  However, in my opinion, local hospitals don't get the vastly different types of wounds to care for that would be encountered in a hospital like Hopkins that services patients from all over the world. World famous doctors like Doctor Lazarus are probably found only at World Famous hospitals.  We are extremely lucky to have Hopkins nearby as well as other great hospitals like the one attached to the University of Maryland.


And, of course, what about Shock Trauma.  Both of my daughters are alive today because of trips to the hospital on Shock Trauma helicopters!


The Great Courses company has a History of Medicine course that I have in my collection.  The last chapter of that course concerns the creation of the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine.  We owe the establishment of this great institution to the fund-raising activity of Baltimore women, who agreed to fund the school if women would be allowed to study and graduate there.  It took lots of years for other medical schools to see the wisdom of what Baltimore male doctors figured out right away.


By the way, I had a cancerous growth removed from my face two weeks ago.  It was done by a female doctor who stitched the hole up so that nobody can see where the growth was.  I can't believe that a man could do as well.  (Does that sound sexist?)


Finally, I would suggest:  if you have a wound anywhere on your body that does not heal in a short period of time, visit a wound care center in a hospital.. stick with your local hospital... but... if you do not see improvement in a while, consider Hopkins in Baltimore, Maryland.

Friday May 9, 2014

This is my second blog entry since I reappeared after over a year of medical problems.  However, my first new entry disappeared when I saved it inappropriately.. or so it seems.  I am trying to recover it, but don't hold  your breath (the couple of you who read these blogs.)


My congratulations to Anonymous, who is my best customer.. even during my hiatus, Anonymous continued to read and remark on my efforts.  Most of the remarks are filled with references to current movie and TV stars, interspersed with ads for Viagra, Alka Seltzer and sleep aids.  Nice.  I like junk mail.


I may have told you about the time I gave a speech at Toastmasters, in which I voiced my love for junk mail.  Guess what?  Next month I received a big box of junk mail that my fellow members brought in for me. 


Some  years ago, computer companies would enclose one dollar bills in junk mail to tempt you to complete survey forms.  Haven't received any in years.  However, I do get lots and lots of nickels and dimes.  I guess these days they feel certain that if you get money in the mail, you will send back bigger amounts of money for their charity. Sorry.. I keep every bit of free stuff I get in my junk mail.


I have hundreds of nice cards for all occasions..  I have pages and pages of return labels.. I have lots of notepads.. several flashlights.. and.. a few weeks ago I got a nice pen with the Niemand Associates name and address on it, and an offer I could not refuse.  Pens with a logo for a quarter apiece.


I took the opportunity to order a few hundred, but with "Joe Vaughan Fan Club" emblazoned on them.  I thought that this would be a nice gift for the loyal members of my famous club.  If anyone from my club is reading this.. let me know if you would like one of these pens.. they really are nice.


I still maintain a post office box in Finksburg, Maryland.  This is where most of my junk mail arrives. If you have any you'd like to donate, the address is PO BX 779  zip 21048.


Isn't it funny how our minds work?  Zip codes just seem to pop up... and telephone numbers..  and that damned Morse Code translation that goes on all the time in my head.  But why can't I remember people's names when I want to?  And what happens to things like my hearing aid (which doesn't work anyway) and other important items that I mislay.  And of course, I forget to take my pills once in a while.   But still, obscure crossword puzzle words pop up when needed.  Words that one has never heard used in everyday conversation.


I just read that one of my Social Security friends recently passed away.   Harry Ballantyne was a gem of a person.  A gentle man.  He was another person who shared in my birthday club  (February 1st).  I think there are only 4 of the original group left.


Harry was the chief Actuary at SSA and a disciple of Bob Ball, as I was.  If Congress had listened to Bob Ball and incorporated his ideas, SS would be solvent for the next 100 years.

Rest in peace, Harry!

Saturday, March 03, 2012

1937 Part 1

Sixty-one years ago (that's right) I met a wonderful girl named Elaine.  Immediately smitten by her good looks and intelligence, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and 6 years later we were married.  We had a wonderful 43 years of marriage, and produced three marvelous children, who are carrying on our "line" with families of their own.  Early in this century, Elaine died unexpectedly during a heart bypass operation in Washington, D.C.  After a  year of grief, I was lucky to meet another Elaine, who has been my partner now for over ten years.  This blog entry is related to my first Elaine. 

As a 50th birthday gift for my "first Elaine," I ordered a copy of a newspaper that was published on the day she was born in 1937.  The ad had said that it would be an original "pristine" copy of a newspaper from the city where she was born.   When I opened the package, I found an old, yellowed cut-up copy of a New York Times newspaper.. definitely not The New Bedford Standard Times.  It apparently was obtained from some "throw-away" file of some library.. it even had holes on the side, where it had been held in those wooden frames that libraries probably still use today to keep each day's newspapers in an easily readable manner.

Elaine pretended to like the gift.  The paper was glanced at and then placed in an obscure corner of the "Vaughan Archives," where it lingered for another 25 years.. until I discovered it again last month.





Now, the pages are even more yellowed and crumbly, but before placing them in the recycling bag, I thought that it might be interesting (at least to me) to learn what the big news was 75 years ago,  according to that wonderful institution, The New York Times newspaper, and to make comments, that I am allowed to do now, as the certified "Blogger" that I have become in my old age.

Please remember that I am not as smart or well-read as Dahl Drenning on Pre-World War II conditions, but I'll give it a shot.  Also, I'm sure that all of  the Times newspapers are online now and can be reviewed by obtaining a digital subscription.. and I, or course, recommend that you do so. 

http://www.nytimes.com/


I will divide my 1937 comments into three parts:

1: Life in the United States

2. Life around the World

3. World War II

Life in the United States in 1937

The "Supremes"

No, not the singing group.. but instead, the nine "old timers" serving as Justices on the Supreme Court of the United States. President Franklin D. Roosevelt was frustrated by these old folks and tried to "pack" the court so that he would not get his economic "measures" knocked down by that body.  His plan was to get Congressional approval to allow him to add a new Justice for every present member past the age of 70, who refused to retire.



Congressmen said that they were "snowed under" by mail against President Roosevelt's plan, and even  Herbert Hoover warned: "Hands off the Supreme Court!"  The President did not get his own way on this plan.

The Dust Bowl

Because of a number of factors, including greedy landowners, irrigation problems, droughts, and lack of crop rotation, vast parts of the United States were becoming deserts.  The best depiction of the situation was outlined later in Steinbeck's novel: The Grapes of Wrath, and then in the famous movie of the same name.



During 1937, dust-laden snow fell on the corn belt.. snow storms met dust storms.. and  crops were destroyed.

Automobiles

Even though Americans were still suffering from the Great Depression, they still continued their love of automobiles.  The NY Times had lots of ads for new and used cars. And the prices looked pretty good.  For instance: a used 1935 Chevrolet like I had, was offered for an average of $485.  (I bought mine in 1952 for $35.. and other than a few problems, like a noisy muffler and damaged wheel bearings.. ran great on 18 cents a gallon gas.)

There was a victory for the working man in 1937.. at least in Michigan.. General Motors (you remember them.. they went bankrupt recently, helped me lose a bunch of money on their stock, and were revitalized to earn their highest profits in 2011...)..well GM recognized the United Automobile Workers of America.


Help Wanted

The NY Times shows lots of Help Wanted ads.. looks like the country is recovering.  I liked the following ads, that give some interesting clues about U.S. life in 1937:

"Accountant, assistant, for public accounting firm; considerable prospects, experienced, under 30, good appearance, applications, in own handwriting, must give age, religion, experience in detail and salary required."

"Butler, experience, elderly, white; light, part-time work in exchange room, meals; $5. weekly."

"Puzzle creator, to create cartoon puzzles similar to those now appearing in newspapers; artistic ability not necessary; ...only high type person qualified to earn good salary need apply..."

Speaking of puzzles.. I was pleased to read that the National Puzzlers League held it's 1937 annual convention at the Hotel New Yorker. (I have been a member of the NPL for 38 years.. you can find me there under my "nom"  AHAB.)

Real Estate

Lots of homes for sale or rent.. two of which looked like great bargains:

"Hudson River; private waterfront: 10-room house; 1 acre; beautiful flower gardens, fountains, private beach; estate sacrifice: $12,000."

"New Brunswick; 70-acre gentleman's estate; 150-year old Colonial house, charmingly  situated; old shade, large brook, rustic bridge skirting on front; outbuildings; large orchard; $12,000: only $3,500 cash."

Society

Folks with money were still around in 1937.. and they and their children liked to keep their peers informed of their activity, such as these headlines that were meant to get attention:

"Nuptials are Held for Frances Story"

"Josephine A. Gibbs becomes afffianced"

"Miss Reade makes debut at a dance"

"Troth announced of Miss Anderson"

I also liked these two classic editorial observations:

"Mrs. Erastus Ketcham of Amityville, gave a large birthday party for herself. She was 96.  Mrs. Ketcham is as active as women half her age."

"Mrs. Thomas Sherlin will leave the Pierre today for Aikens, where she will join Mr. Sherlin at their cottage, Green Shingles, to pass the remainer of the Winter."

Radio




Radio was big in 1937.  Some of the big name comedy stars were: Jimmy Durante,  Bob Hope, and Bert Lahr.  In the late evening, listeners tuned in to the following stations which could be reached by New York City residents (some of these are still in existence): WABC, WEVD, WEAF, WMCA, WOR, and WJZ.  Late listeners would be treated to sleep-inducing music from the following orchestras:

Pryor Orchestra
Busse Orchestra
Lyman Orchestra
Lopez Orchestra
Barron Orchestra
Brandywine Orchestra
Fitzpatrick Orchestra
Jones Orchestra
Travers Orchestra

I wonder how many, if any, of these orchestras survived the thirties.

During 1937, a new lightweight microphone, called a "salt-shaker" was developed by the Bell Telephone Laboratories.  Unlike other "mikes", this one may be mounted on a desk or floor stand, or it may be suspended from the ceiling.  This was a big breakthrough for radio.

BTW: does anyone remember "Uncle Don?"

Television

Yes, there was television in 1937.  There were a few thousand viewers in the NYC area.  It must have been nice to have no "sitcoms".

Theater

There was a big theater following in 1937, as there is now.. and some of the plays are still being produced, either as originally given or in updated versions.

The Yiddish Folks Theatre on 12th Street and 2nd Avenue was giving sell-out performances of a "real Yiddish Operetta" called: The Galician Rabbi.

Movies

I think that you can "google" 1937 movies and see the names of all of them, but the best one might be "It Happened One Night" with Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert.. it came out in 1934, but was still a "hit" in 1937.  Another great one was "Modern Times" with Charlie Chaplin, that came out in 1936.

http://moderntimes.com/palace/chaplin

Opera

Opera continued to be big, even in the Depression.  The "Met" was the place where all great or would-be great opera stars wanted to perform.  Evening prices ranged from 50 cents to $2!

It was interesting to me to read that Mussolini had arranged cheap Saturday matinees (Sabato Teatrale) so that "the little man" could afford theater and opera.  For 10 cents, that little guy could see the same show in the afternoon that costs $5 to see in the evening.

BTW: "The Metropolitan Opera House is probably the only theatre in the Broadwaysector with a bar, and it does a thriving business.  The most popular drink is Scotch and soda." 

As one might expect, beer and wine were not purchased anywhere near as much.

Other Items of Interest

You,too, can learn to dance like Fred and Ginger.


(Henny Youngman jokes: "I learned dancing from Arthur Murray.  Later, I found it was more fun with a girl.)


Do you play the piano?


Want to travel to Boston? You can't beat this price!



New Traffic Code

A new set of traffic rules went into effect in February 1937:

No turns, left or right are permitted on red lights..unless you have an arrow or a sign, or a policeman pointing in that direction.



No movement is permitted during the "dark" period when traffic lights are changing color.  (Did they have different lights in those days?)

No driving more than 15 mph over the speed limit (called "Dangerous Driving).

No weaving in and out of traffic (called "Dangerous Driving).

(Other rules from December 1936:)

General speed limit of 25 mph.

No more "car-watching" racket. (?)

No more taxicab jockey evil"... (?)

No more "highway sales to motorists by street hawkers"... (?)

(I know how bad it is to drive in New York City now.. it must have been "pure hell" in 1937.)

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Please join me next time for Part 2: Life Around the World in 1937.
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Sunday, February 12, 2012

That's no bull!

All of my life, I have been intrigued by cows.  In fact, there is no time that I can remember when I have not opened the car window and called "MOO!" to my friends grazing in a farmer's field.  However, did you know that cows speak foreign languages?  That's right.. in France, cows say: "MOI!" and in Poland, they say: "OOM!" 

Once, my daughter Diane mentioned that she liked cows too, and from that point on, whenever anyone tried to think of a gift for her.. they got her some form of a cow.

Diane worked for a large purveyor of foodstuffs, including milk, and had a role to play each year in their massive display of available wholesale items.  She elicited my help one year.. and I was allowed to draw white lines on the mustache areas of good-natured attendees and take pictures for the famous "Got Milk?" program.  Lots of fun.



I've always thought there was something mystical about cows, and recently I found out that I was right. In reading an eye-opening book titled "Beef" by Andrew Rimas and Evan D. G. Fraser, I came across the following quote from The Prose Edda (Norse Creation Myth):

"Then said Gangleri: 'Where dwelt Ymir, or wherein did he find sustenance?'  Haerr answered: 'Straightway after the rime dripped, there sprang from it the cow called Audumla;  four streams of milk
ran from her udders, and she nourished Ymir.'

Then asked Gangleri: 'Wherewithal was the cow nourished?' And Haerr made answer: 'She licked the ice-blocks, which were salty; and the first day that she licked the blocks, there came forth from the blocks in the evening a man's hair;  the second day, a man's head;  the third day, the whole man was there.'"


Cows are considered sacred in India.  To quote an interesting excerpt from "God's Lunatics" by Michael Largo: 

"From ancient times, Indians considered cows as a symbol of wealth and providers of life-sustaining milk.  In Hinduism, the cow's sacred status is tied to the religion's story of creation: Lord Krishna, an important figure in Hindu mythology was reincarnated five thousand years ago as a cowherd.  Coming back through reincarnation as a cow in India would be a positive turn, since the animals are treated with the rank of the highest Brahmin priests.

Feeding a cow in India is considered good luck, but injuring or killing one is still a criminal offense.  The cow remains a representation of generosity and motherhood; in 2008, a population of more than 200 million Indian holy bovine roamed the countryside and city streets.  If you step in cow dung it's still thought of as a blessed omen, and Indian cowpies are believed to have antiseptic qualities as effective as any industrial-strength disinfectant."

Cows are helping out in lots of other ways.  For instance, if it wasn't for the aorta from a friendly cow, Robin Williams would not be making jokes today.

Sadly though, I've been informed that "house licking" is not covered by some insurance policies.

Ah.. oh yes, it will be Valentine's Day shortly, and there is a great website that combines love items and items of our love (namely: cows).  Take a look:

http://www.simplybovine.com/Valentinesday.php



At that site, you can also find some "cow jokes," such as:

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A.  Ground beef.

Q. What do you call a cow that has just given birth?
A.  Decalfinated.

If you GOOGLE "cow jokes" you will discover that there are a number of sites devoted to such. Meanwhile, to close out, here are a few classics from my files:

Q. Why do cows wear bells?
A. Because their horns don't work.

Q. Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A.  Because the farmer had cold hands.

Two cows were browsing in a farmer's field.  One says: "MOO!"
The other says: "Hey! I was just going to say the same thing!"




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Monday, January 23, 2012

There is no joy in Charm City!

This is a sad day for those Baltimoreans who were expecting to make a long-overdue trip to the Super Bowl this year.  The Ravens lost a tough one to the Patriots.  I'm sure my Massachusetts relatives are dancing in the streets... while my Maryland relatives are crying in their beer.  Such is life.. there's always next year, guys.

Meanwhile, life (and death) go on. 

01. Football Father Figure Fades Away.

Joe Paterno died yesterday.  On the same day that he died, one of the FM stations aired a mini-interview with him.. again about him and Sandusky.  (Did you "out-of'-towners" know that one of Baltimore's TV sportscasters is named Jerry Sandusky.. and of course you can guess that his life has not been the same recently.)

02.  Media Exposure?

A 47 year old Catholic Priest was recently arrested for sitting in a "shop movie theater" (whatever that is), naked from the waist down.  His Bishop, in this instance, did the right thing and removed him from his post in a Baltimore County church. 

... segue to nudist jokes:

a.  At a nude wedding, the best man is not always the best man.

b.  At a nude wedding, where does the best man hide the wedding ring?

(Sorry about that)

03.  The Newt wins big in South Carolina.

Democrats are celebrating!



04.  Romney goes on the attack!

"Mitt" is going after "Newt" at last.  Democrats are worried.



05.  Oprah is crowned Queen!

At a major book event in India, all eyes turned to Oprah Winfrey, our queen.  Crowds cheered her and followed her around, completely ignoring a "real" queen who was also in attendance.   Maybe Oprah will run as Newt's running mate.  However, based on some dumb things that Newt has said in the past, he probably thinks that billionaire Oprah is receiving food stamps.

06.  Don't mess with Maryland women!

(Oprah worked for Channel 13 in Baltimore for several years.) 

A lady in Chestertown, Maryland got mad because a male friend would not admit that he owed her ten dollars... so, she threw drain cleaner in his eyes and blinded him.

07.  Priorities

I just read where the CEO's of our major religious organizations all have the following schedule of allegiance: 

Christian First
American Second

I wonder if any of the upcoming debate questioners would ask a question about that.  How would the candidates answer?  BTW our founding fathers were almost all Deists. 

08.  Jim Hightower sez:

I've written about gadfly Hightower before.  He claims that "Dubya" (as he calls him), when asked what Americans should do at 911 time, said:  "Go out and shop!" 

Jim picks on lots of "airheads" regardless of Political Affiliation.

09.  Immortality

As some people have noticed, first class postage became 45 cents a couple of days ago.  Elaine asked me to get a lot of 44 cents "Forever" stamps before time ran out.  Our Post Office only had commemorative stamps left.   But so what.. they work.  From now on, all first class stamps will be  "Forever".   Isn't that nice to know?   I remember when I could send a first class letter for (hold your breath) THREE CENTS!  And, at the same time, we got 2 (count'em) TWO MAIL DELIVERIES EACH DAY!  (Boy, am I old.)

10.  Father, Are you a Chaplain in the Navy?


That's the question a lady posed to the Priest mentioned above.. when he said "No".. she said: "That's funny because I can see your navel."

(gasp!)

Jiri Hulcr,  PhD, says that the human belly button is filled with lots and lots of strange bacteria. He is connected to the Belly Button Biodiversity Project.

http://www.wildlifeofyourbody.org/

11.  They're still at it!

Those wacko religiosos from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, have announced plans to picket the funeral of Virginia Tech Police Officer Deriek Croused.  College students have been advised not to talk to them or acknowledge their presence.  The 40 members of that church are all related and must share similar idiocy genes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church


12.  Co-bed education?

In the fall of 2012, Towson (Maryland) University will be establishing "gender-neutral" housing options open to students in two dormitories (Halls).  Are frat houses and sorority houses now "gender-neutral", other than on weekends? My, how times have changed. In my day, we had to live in "gender-specialized" caves and write our homework in cuneiform characters on flat rocks.

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Enough!
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Saturday, January 07, 2012

Religious Views

I can't believe that it has been over a month since I updated this blog.  I'll catch up by talking about Religion today.  I feel qualified to talk about that subject because I have been involved with a number of religions over the years (like Newt Gingrich?.. no, not quite like him).  I have been a Quaker, a Baptist, and an Atheist (among others).  My late wife was a Catholic and my kids were brought up as such.  My current partner is a Lutheran and I live in a community sponsored by that church.  I suspect that I am still considered a minister in the Church of the Modern Apostles, and I consider myself to be kind of  an agnostic Deist at the moment.. having been a computer programmer for many years, I seem to understand how a Demiurge might work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demiurge

Some of the most hypocritical people I have ever met were ordained ministers and priests.  Some of the least hypocritical people I have ever met were ordained ministers and priests.  I respect the rabbis and imams that I have met.  I do not like "yellow pages" that show only Christian businesses.  I do not think it was proper for Lowes to discontinue advertising on a "Muslim-related" reality show.  I know some wonderful people who do not conform to stereotypical male/female roles.

There you have it.  I've bared a lot of my soul.  As a member of the Toastmasters organization, you are taught to never use sex, politics or religion as a subject of a speech.  Baloney!  Those are the things that most people are interested in.  So.. here it goes with religion, I'll get back to the other two subjects in another blog entry:

Always start with a joke:

My friend, Sid Simon sez:  A little boy was looking through a family Bible and a leaf fell out that had been pressed.  His mother asked: "What is that?"  The boy replied: "I think it's Adam's underwear."

Roger Williams

I was surprised to read in the Smithsonian Magazine that "breakaway religion" guy and founder of Rhode Island, Roger Williams, in the last years of his life, worshipped at no church at all.  He had fought all of his life to allow everyone to worship as they pleased, and concluded finally that God's will was better interpreted by individuals than by institutions.  (Sounds like the theory of the Church of the Modern Apostles.) 

Thomas Jefferson

President Jefferson and several of the other founding fathers were Deists and convinced that there was that Demiurge I mentioned above.  Jefferson did feel that the teachings of Jesus were important and wrote The Jefferson Bible, The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth.  Beacon Press of Boston published a beautifully crafted copy of this work.  I bought my copy in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania at a Civil War book store. 

TWITTER?

I hear that even Ruppert Murdoch is now tweeting.  Does Pope Benedict tweet?  I had heard that the Vatican has a Facebook presence.  I went to Facebook and found POPE2YOU, a very interesting site for all persons with a religious interest.

Ecumenical?

In July of 2007, the Pope declared that Roman Catholicism is the only "real" Christian religion.  He said that Protestant churches "cannot be called 'churches' in the proper sense."  Hmmm.



Liturgical update?

I recently attended a memorial mass for a friend and was surprised to read a document to be followed during the mass.  It outlined changes approved this year by Catholic Bishops.  For instance:

1: Old Text: 
Priest: "The Lord be with you."        People:  "And  also with you."

New Text:
Priest: "The Lord be with you."        People:  "And also with your spirit."

2: Old Text:
"Glory to God in the highest, and peace to his people on earth."

New Text:
"Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to people of good will."

(I like the old text better.. it had a definite pleasant flow and rhythm that the new text does not.)

3: Old Text: (Nicene Creed)
"We believe..."

New Text:
"I believe..."

It was tough for us non-Catholics to get used to the non-Latin mass.  Now we'll have to get used to the new-English mass.

Converts?

I read where there are now 77 million members of the Anglican Church that was created by Henry VIII because of a snit with Rome over his desire to dump his wife and marry his mistress.  I also read that there is a schism developing among Anglicans over the election of women and gay bishops.. and the condoning of same-sex unions.

To capitalize on this, the Vatican is making it easier for Anglicans to "come home" to the Catholic church.  In fact, they will even be accepting married Anglican priests and seminarians.  (I thought that this was the case already..?)

Related Catholic stories on my blog:

If you are so inclined, you could do a search of this blog for a few religion-related stories:

Priest's dog attacks Joe.. "You ain't Catholic, are you?"

Same attack dog and Priest elope with our baby-sitter.

Joe takes Catholic in-laws up ladder and into the Choir Loft.

Joe grabs wife and runs out of church at wedding.

Future father-in-law yells: "He's not Catholic!!"

A religious story in the news:

Two muslim teen-agers were recently arrested in the U.S. for painting burkas on the posters of women thought by them to be "immodest".  They received probation and a fine.


The End of the World:

End of World: 1998:  Henry Hall predicted that the world would end in 1998 because 666 + 666 + 666 "equals 1998, you computer dummies!"

End of World: 2008The Lord's Witnesses also use convoluted numerology to predict the end on March 21, 2008.

End of World: 2011: Famous old Harold Camping predicted May 21, 2011.  "The Bible guarantees it!"

If you are interested in more of these End of World predictions, visit: http://www.abhota.info/end5.htm





Always finish with a joke:

A submission by The Orange Peel Gazette, East Baltimore, Maryland:

The preacher was dissatisfied with how little his congregation put in the collection plates on Sundays, so he learned hypnosis.  He began preaching his sermons in a monotone.  He swung a watch slowly in front of the lectern, and at the end of the sermon he said, "Give!" and the collection plate was soon full of twenty-dollar bills.

This worked for weeks.  The congregation sat mesmerized during the sermon, staring at the watch swinging, and when he said, "Give!" they gave everything they had.  Then one Sunday, at the end of the sermon, the chain on the watch broke, and the preacher said, "Oh, crap!"

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Happy New Apocalyptical Year!
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Saturday, December 03, 2011

Joe's Annual Christmas Gift Helper

Well, it's Christmas time again, and we are once again tasked with finding gifts for our friends and neighbors who already have "everything."  What a dilemma!

But.. yesterday, Elaine and I went on a search for those special gifts most people miss.  Elaine's standards are a bit higher than mine.  I look for good cheap items that are are also weird enough to be appreciated by cheap, weird people (not necessarily my friends and relatives.)

Here are some items, available at Big Lots Stores anywhere.  I found them to be intriguing and I am seriously considering purchasing some of them.. meanwhile, I list them here for you to consider when you do your Christmas shopping this year.

01.  For the serious drinker.

A clear glass bottle shaped like a chic high heel, filled with a pink fluid labeled "Non-Alcoholic Martini Mix."  (I guess you can add the booze.)  You can purchase this gem for only $5.

02.  For the serious zaftig-girl watcher.

A "Wings" set, which includes a plate with the "Hooters" logo, a bottle of "the hottest" hot sauce, a basting brush, and tongs.  Everything except chicken parts and a pot to cook it all in.  What a bargain for just $12!

03.  For the serious "retro" lover.

A lava lamp party kit for just $10.  The box says: "Light up your party with LAVA barbecue!"  To make that happen, the kit includes:

a "color-phasing" bottle opener
2 "color-phasing" shot glasses
4 "light-up" plastic ice cubes

Perhaps you could combine this with the "Wings" set and have a retro blast!

04.  For the serious Elvis fan.

An authentic-looking street sign for "Elvis Presly Boulevard".  For just $10, you can replace your existing street sign and drive your mail deliverer and neighbors crazy.



05.  For the "child" in us all.

"Not just another flashlight.  It stands.  It crawls. It walks."  Yes, it's the ROBOT Transforming Flashlight.   When you don't need the bright beam to light your way to the LAVA wing party, you can twist it into all kinds of shapes.  And I think I read where it is only $3.  Now that is definitely a bargain.  Even I would like to get one of those for Christmas.

06.  For your favorite doggie.

Peanut-butter flavored cookies for your best friend.  These "Dog Cookies" sell for only $3, and I'll bet they are delicious.

07.  Also for  your favorite doggie.

A nice bright red Santa Claus suit for your best friend to wear in our upcoming frigid Winter.  A little pricey at $8, but well worth it.  You know... you could combine this with some Rudolph antlers and have a very photogenic opportunity.  Have Staples make your picture into Christmas cards and everyone will talk about you all year long.

08.  For your tone-deaf friends.

Speaking of Rudolph, for $5 you can buy a fluffy Rudolph doll that sings that obnoxious song over and over again when you press his hoof. 

09.  For your friends who have an anger problem.

A "Jack in the Box" type Alvin.  Alvin is one of the famous "Chipmonks".  When he pops up, he starts to sing, along with his squeaky buddies.  This is a great buy at $8.  Give it to a person who has that anger management problem and they can relieve the pressure by throwing Alvin against the  wall over and over.

10.  For your scatalogically inclined friends.

Picture this.  Santa Claus sitting on his recliner, with his cap off, smoking his pipe after his long Christmas Eve journey.  Press Santa's mitten, and he says something to the effect:  "I'm just sitting here resting, after shoveling reindeer poop all day."  Just think of the humorous effect you have caused with your thoughtful $8 gift!

11.  For your "fair weather" friends.

I've saved "the best" for last.  This is a kneeling Santa Claus, holding high an unrolled "naughty" list.  Santa is smiling broadly and when you press his knee, he gives out with repeated "Hee Hee's" while he shakes uncontrollably, and farts continually.  His title is "Farting Santa" and he also costs $8.

So.. there it is ..  my research is done for 2011.  I hope it has helped you decide on a gift for someone who had been difficult to match with something appropriate.

Merry Christmas.. and remember that the best gift you can give someone is "yourself."


Saturday, November 12, 2011

Christmas Planning Already!

Last night, Elaine and I made our annual pilgrimage to Westminster, Maryland's Mistletoe Mart.  The local Episcopal Church presents a very successful juried arts and crafts show each year.  Let me tell you about some places we visited.

1.  Summerhaze Pottery

Elaine has a collection of a special type of pottery created only by the Summerhaze shop, hidden in a remote area of  Tidewater Virginia.  James Stewart might have written a poem about their place:

Summerhaze Pottery is a beautiful place,
Surrounded by green trees and grass,
But getting to Summerhaze Pottery,
Is a terrible pain in the ass.

But worth it.. Elaine and I visited there a few years ago and were given a royal tour of their kiln area and workshops.  I think I have written somewhere else in my blogs about their friendly dogs.

Summerhaze came up to the Mistletoe Mart just so Elaine could add another piece to her collection.  Here is a picture of a piece she already had, so you can see why she likes it.


Summerhaze has many other kinds of pottery that you might like.  Check them out at:

http://summerhazepottery.com/

2.  Our Favorite Sculptor

John Sokolovich is a true artist who works in metal.  He sculpts and welds all kinds of creations from scrap metal, old tools, license plates and any other metalic thing he can find.  Elaine and I visited his enormous barn-studio in New Oxford, Pennsylvania, and were astounded and amazed at some of the beautiful items dreamed up by his ever-working brain.  

At this show, he had one item that would have made a Baltimore Ravens fan drool.  It was a Raven crafted out of a license plate, scissors, wire, bolts, and I don't know what else.  The only problem, he had forgotten to paint it purple.  Before we left the show, I noticed that a fan was buying the raven from him.. he will probably take it upon himself to paint it purple... or.. is the raven supposed to stay black?

We didn't buy anything from John this year, but take a look at what we bought a couple of years ago:


We bought a twin of this last year.  Now we have one on each wall framing our deck door.

John doesn't have a website, but if you are interested in seeing some of his work, send him an email at

jjsoko@comcast.net

3.  Smells good!

Another spot that we like at the Mistletoe Mart is where the folks from Willow Pond Farm are located.  Willow Pond Farm itself is located in Fairfield, Pennsylvania, near Gettysburg.  These folks specialize in herbs of all kinds and have on display samples of many dips made from their herbs and also homemade vinegars, jams and jellies, honey of all types, and homespun clothing.  Of course, Elaine and I sample almost everything; Elaine doesn't do garlic.

Every year, we end up buying flavored honey and a catnip-filled cloth fish on a string.  Usually, our cat (s) will tear those fish up in ten minutes flat;  this year, SuZee sniffed it a few times and ignored it.. I wonder why.

Each year the Pennsylvania Lavender Festival is held for three days in June at Willow Pond Farm.  There are workshops, lectures, and cut-your-own-lavender sessions.   The farm maintains three acres of lavendar plantings.  The lavender smell helps Elaine to sleep.

Interested in Willow Pond Farm?  http://www.willowpondherbs.com/

Interested in the Lavender Festival?  http://www.palavenderfestival.com/

4. I dare you not to laugh!

Another favorite spot at the Mistletoe Mart is the area where Bruce Garrabrandt shows his remarkable artwork.  Bruce does lots of things.  He is a professional artist, writer, motivational speaker, and inn-keeper (with his wife).  He resides at their Bed-and-Breakfast in Terre Hill, Pennsylvania, right in the middle of the Pennsylvania Dutch Country.  He creates FUNNY pictures!

I bought one of Bruce's books,   The Power of Having Desire, (the Key Secret to Accomplishing Anything You Really Want.)  (You might rightly ask: why does a guy at my age want with a motivational book?  I dunno.  Guess I'm still a little ambitious... and I want to get up the nerve to do some of the things I have always wanted to do before I shuffle off this ... well you know what I mean.)

In his book are words of praise by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Ben Carson MD, Tim Conway, and Bill Keane.  I admire all of these persons for their "worldliness"... i.e., their mature outlook on the world, even when it is hidden inside professionalism, comedy, and/or cartoons.  (For those of you who may not know, Bill Keane, the creator of The Family Circus, passed away yesterday.  I think that his son, Jeff, will be carrying on the "family" tradition.)

If these folks like Bruce's work, I can't wait to read his book.  In addition, I purchased a CD that he published called: Nature with a Twist (a Playful Look at Life, Art and Other Turmoil).  The cover shows a rabbit atop Bruce's head, shown in a twisted frame with the title: Hare Transplant. 

A couple of testimonials listed on the CD cover are worth pondering:  "Dating Bruce was pivotal in my decision to become a nun."  and "...and (he) once had his underwear sewn shut by an irate co-ed."   Get the picture?  This guy is my kind of loony-toons genius.  You gotta check his work out!

http://www.artbybruce.com/

5. Sweet stuff

A choclatier had a site where she was selling a box of 18 chocolates for $35.  They can't be that good, can they?  Instead, while poking around the cookie/candy table, I found a bag of 50 milk-chocolate Trick-or-Treat candies for $1., a much better buy, in my opinion. Of course, as a pre-diabetic person, I violated my chocolate probation and devoured a large amount of these delicious candies before we left the building.   Please don't tell on me.. it's bad enough that my A1C test will squeal on me in a couple of months.

Basta! Enough!  In November 2012, barring disasters predicted by some kind of Aztec prophet, the Mistletoe Mart will be on again, and I invite you to come and visit with the nice folks I have mentioned.

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Saturday, October 29, 2011

A Snowy October Day in 2011

Surprise!  For the fifth time in recorded Maryland history, we are experiencing snow on an October day.  This, for us senior citizens, cancels three functions  that we were planning to attend today.  So, that means that I have time to update this blog for October 2011.

01.  Good News for Inebriates Down Under!

On this morning's Wait, Wait, Dont Tell Me show, a news clip mentioned that rubber sidewalks are being installed somewhere in Australia.  Those great Aussies love to slug down their giant Foster's Beers each night, and this will help them avoid hurting themselves as they careen down the street towards home.

Take a look at some of Foster's great commercials.  Be forewarned..it may take a long time to load, and you may  have to submit proof of your age!  However, if you like beer, you will probably think that it is all worth it.

http://www.fostersbeer.com/

02.  Royal Perqs

Also mentioned on the WWDTM show today was a section about nice things that you can have if you are members of the UK royalty, such as:

Help with Pressing Matters

For instance, the Prince of Wales has a servant who irons his shoelaces.

Help to eliminate Encrouchments

For instance, the Earl of Mountbatten has a servant who lubricates the Earl's tight pants so that he can slip into them easily.

What about the Duke of Windsor?



03.  Seattle's Best

After I sent a nasty email to NETFLIX, they reactivated my ROKU and now, once again, I have access to both mailed-to-me movies and online NETFLIX selections.  To celebrate, I pulled up and watched the first two episodes of the Frasier TV show.  It started in 1993 and I loved to watch it then because it always made me laugh.  It still does.  (La Comedia e Stupenda!) 

Two segments on these early shows knocked me out.

Lupe Velez

Roz told Frasier the story about the supposed suicide of Lupe Velez, the hot-blooded vixen of 1940's movies.  When she was in her forties, she decided to commit suicide and stage it so she would always be remembered.  She put on her finest clothes and had her beautiful bed draped with the finest coverings, and prepared by drinking some of the finest champagne and exquisite food.  She planned to then take poison, drape herself over the bed provocatively,  and await notoriety.   However, she must have eaten too much of that good food, got nauseous and was instead found drowned with her head in her toilet bowl.   She did achieve her notoriety alright, but perhaps not the way she would have wanted.

http://quiterevealing.com/personal/cafeq/fdtextlupe.htm

Punxsatawney Phil?

Frasier comes out of his bedroom in a disheveled manner, wearing a loose bathrobe.  During an argument with Roz, his bathrobe opens by accident.  Roz then delivers the line that I think is the funniest line I have ever heard on a TV sitcom:  "Oh.. I see that we will be having six more weeks of Winter."

04.  Gangsters!

The Brits are upset.  English kids are betting money on the game of marbles!  What next!

The Americans are upset.  American kids are betting money in online poker!  Moral depravity!

Members of the U.S. Congress are upset.  People who play the slots are now being deceived into thinking they are on the verge of winning, because of interactive messages now appearing on the slot devices that say things like: "Wow!  You just missed winning $1,000 by 4 pulls.".. or words to that effect.  A Congressional Hearing was held last Tuesday.  I hope that I can pull up some of this session on CSPAN and learn what to avoid when I go to Nevada.

No.. I don't really gamble.. just like all senior citizens, when I go to a slot machine parlor, I take $20 and when I lose that, I quit.  Besides, the slots are no longer fun.. they have taken away the buckets and the coins that would flow out of the machines when you won.. some have even taken away the metallic sounds.  Damn spoilsports!  I think I'll stick with the Maryland Lottery; at least, with them, I can play by mail and once in a while get a $2 winning check in the mail.

By the way, statistics show that the top three "sports" watched on TV are:

   1: NFL; 2: NASCAR; 3: POKER

05.  Pass me the Bacon, please.

For many years, certain people have maintained that Shakespeare did not have the brains or education to write the plays that list him as the author.  Since he was "just an actor", he did not have the "smarts" to write something like Hamlet or MacBeth.   The real author obviously must have been a nobleman who didn't want anybody to know he wrote them.

In fact, some critics have even gone so far as to ascribe the works to Sir Francis Bacon, (most notably, a lady named Elizabeth Wells Gallup) and state that words in some of the plays are cryptograms.  Sir Francis had developed a "biliteral" alphabet that used multiple type fonts/faces for letters of the alphabet and she had determined, by using this code to lines in Shakespeare's folios, that messages appeared.  For example purposes:  By assigning coded letters to the type faces on one line of Hamlet, the decoded line might then read: I Bacon am the author of this play.  And, yes, that was shown to work out in many cases.

However, a husband and wife team of cryptographic geniuses  (William and Elizabeth Friedman) also showed that the following might also be read by using the same alphabetic scheme:  I Mark Twain wrote this damn play.

Check out this background information for the Friedman's.  I think that you will find it interesting.  There are also whole books covering the Bacon Theory and how the Friedman's debunked it.

http://kakopa.com/geo/friedman.htm

Much other work over the years has been done to debunk the Bacon is Shakespeare theory.  For one thing, existing writing by Bacon does not come anywhere near the classiness of Will's work.

Anyway... what I am trying to show is that the theory of another (nobler) author of Shakespeare's works was long ago debunked.  So, why the sudden appearance of the movie Anonymous?

Roland Emmerich, the noted director of a lot of spectacular movies such as Godzilla, has a hit on his hand.. with remarkable photography and acting.  But, one must ask why he has to rationalize this work by coming up with ten reasons to defame the bard?  (Methinks thou may protest too much.)

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/anonymous/featurette-roland-emmerichs-10-reasons

I will order the movie from Netflix and probably will enjoy it.. however, I will still consider it a fictional story unless some other evidence comes up to convince me otherwise.

Goodby for now.
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