This has been an interesting week. Let me tell you about puzzledom, funeraldom, and weird newsdom. (In between times, I have to interupt to hear La Traviata from the Met on WBJC.)
01. Puzzles:
Yesterday, I got a chance to give a presentation on puzzling to the last class of folks who are trying to learn to increase their brain power in order to live a longer and more interesting life. I had an ulterior motive in giving this presentation; I wanted to start a puzzle club in the complex where I live. I spoke to them about:
The National Puzzlers League (NPL). As a puzzler, I am known as AHAB.. my brother, Joe, is known as Ishmael. Joe is an expert on the charade types of puzzles, among others. I kind of like crosswords and cryptograms the most.
The American Cryptogram Association (ACA). Codes and ciphers. As AHAB, I used to contribute to the monthly magazine.
American Crosswords.. where to find the first one, and how to follow them through to the current day. There have been a number of popular changes.
The crosswords in the Sunday Baltimore Sun, including the LA Times puzzle and the New York Times puzzle. I mentioned the difficulty of the NY Times puzzle which gets tougher as the week goes on.
I talked about the folks who produce these puzzles, especially Will Shortz, who is probably the United States premier puzzle-master.
I also covered French, German, Spanish, Dutch and British puzzles, including those difficult, for Americans, British cryptics.
I showed the group some reference material that helps professional puzzlers, including regular crossword dictionaries, backwards dictionaries, anagram dictionaries, non-pattern word lists, and lists for words of specific lengths.
At the end, I showed them one of the largest crossword puzzles ever created.
All in all, I enjoyed myself doing this presentation; however, I probably bombarded (bored) them with too much information. I do hope that a couple of them will sign up for the puzzle club.
02. Funeral stuff.
Yesterday, a monstrous and mysterious 90-foot long black van showed up at our complex. Inside was an extensive display of funeral information, including a model of the funeral train of Abraham Lincoln, a copy of Lincoln's coffin, and lots of information about deceased celebrities, such as Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, and others. One display stated that retired military folks at the Colonel Level or above, are entitled to have a saddled horse in a funeral procession with boots inserted backwards in the stirrups. Since my military equivalent rank for my job at Social Security was Colonel, I wonder if I should sign up for such an honor. ;0)
Of course, I would have to let my son put non-skid treads for the horse on the ice-floe that he is going to get for me.
03. Sarah:
I read where Sarah Palin is going to do an environmental program about Alaska for the Discovery Channel. I believe that she will be earning over a million dollars for this effort. Somehow, I did not know that Sarah had a friendly relationship with her environment, especially as it relates to wolves and forest reserves.
04. Blind porn?
A new Canadian magazine is being published for blind folks. It will have Braille articles and some kind of 3-D representations of naked folks. Now I will have something to look forward to as my Macular Degeneration gets worse.
05. In Sheep's Clothing?
A couple of South American prisoners escaped and were found hiding under sheep skin in a pasture. Someone mentioned that they were "on the lam" for a little while.
06. Mazel Tov.
A man in Connecticut wore a bright blue yarmulke as he robbed a bank.
07. Male Vanity:
The latest boon to male beauty: Nose Waxing.
Speaking of male vanity: In one episode of Star Trek, Captain Kirk changes into a woman, and even though he still looks like a man, every time he goes by a pane of glass, he checks himself out.
Yesterday, at WalMart, I spotted a young man with many piercings. As I was trying to count them, he passed by a glass case, checked himself out, and primpted a bit. He did it again when he passed another glass case. I wish that I had the nerve to tell him not to waste his time.. because he was kind of ugly, I'm sorry to say. But I'll bet his mother loves him anyway.
08. AIDS, Anyone?
A prisoner is about to be released in New York State who admits to infecting 2 women with AIDS. He says that when he gets out he plans to infect a lot more. (Throw away the key!)
09. The Devil's Tools:
Somalian leaders have told radio stations to stop playing music. They have already banned bras and movies. Years ago, Americans liked living in Mogadishu.. I'll bet there aren't any there any more.
10. Airline Charges:
Spirit Airlines is going to charge for carryon luggage. Ryan Air (Ireland) is planning to charge for rest room usage on their airlines. (Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me said that they will probably have to install Guiness-proof locks.)
11. Harry?
The Week magazine says (maybe) some German women tried to smuggle a dead relative on a plane in sunglasses. They were trying to avoid a large repatriation fee on coffins. Deja vu?
12. Blood levels?
The famous Danish Carlsberg Brewery is going to stop brewery workers from drinking on the job, except for three pints at lunchtime. (Is that a quart and a half?) What about at cigarette breaks?
When I drove a cab in New Bedford, Massachusetts, I used to drive some of the Dawson Brewery workers and got a chance to see how they worked. Here and there they had sinks that poured beer out of the faucets. The workers could drink as much as they wanted to, all day long. I'm sure they had a few "for the road" each afternoon before they drove home.
....................................................................................................
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Great News for April 10th or 11th, 2010
Today's issue of the Carroll County, Maryland, Times shows today's date on A-5 as Saturday, April 11, 2010.. and on page A-6 as Saturday, April 10, 2010. This allows the reader to feel as though he or she is going back in time as they turn the page. What a pleasant gimmick for such a beautiful sunny, windy, 50-ish Spring day!
A wonderful thing happened today (or yesterday, as the case may be).. I lifted up a pile of old newspapers and found a copy of the non-defunct Weekly World News from September 18, 2006. (I loved that sheet!) Just look at the news items that I missed!
01. Giant Crocs Attack! Monster reptiles attacked monster trucks at a racetrack.
02. Old Folks live in Daughter's Pool. These poor folks needed assistive living, but couldn't afford it, so their good-hearted daughter allowed them to spend their twilight years floating in her backyard pool. Because of the chlorine in the water, they didn"t even have to worry about toilet breaks.
03. Robin Goodfellow, British Pub owner has started to serve his patrons fairy wings. This has become a great draw for Barrie's Tavern.
04. An item about "Your Bottom Dollar" that perhaps I shouldn't mention.
Excuse me for a moment.. my favorite radio station is playing the Met broadcast of Die Zauberfloete, and I want to hear the Queen of the Night's famous aria. Herr Mozart may have been accused of using "too many notes" on this work, but I don't think that there is one wasted note in the whole opera. Why did Wolfie have to die so young? Who could imagine what other masterpieces still lurked within that massive brain in that little bitty body?
I'm back again.. let me jump to some Wait Wait items:
05. (Notice how I number everything.. its my excessive compulsion, sorry.) A gentleman from Georgia tried to eat a "double wicked" fast food sandwich and messed his jaws up so much that he had to have surgery. (Well, it had to happen sometime.)
06. Did you know that the first Bobby hired by the City of London was fired four hours later because of drunkenness? Do policemen have alcohol level tests in the US?
07. Another Georgian, a Congressman I believe, recently said that Guam will probably tip over if we send any more military people there.
08. Senator John McCain told reporters that he is not a maverick, in spite of the title of his book and his electioneering slogan. I guess he might be trying to become a true Conservative to get the future votes of the Tea Party guys.
09. Fewer NERDS are being produced in the US. Our technical future looks bleak. (Is there a song called: The Revenge of the Nerds?)
10. The guy who invented Wine in a Box has died. Wine snobs deride boxed wine. However, I see not much difference between boxed and bottled wine. In fact, based on wine that I have made over the years, I want to make this statement. Believe it or not, with a little care, and with a little equipment, and a little container of grapes, and a little sugar.. you can make wine in your kitchen that tastes just as good if not better than these bottles of French wine that are selling for astronomical prices. In fact, if you have a Mickey Mouse balloon to place over the top of a bottle, you can do as good a job as any of the California wine makers. This is of course my opinion.
This made me think of wine that I have been aging in the garage. I decided to try an old bottle. I uncorked and decanted a bottle of peach wine that I laid down in 1975. The cork had almost disintegrated but not quite. Opened and poured, there was not much bouquet.. in fact, Elaine took a sip and thought that it ranked (maybe a good word) among the worst wines she had ever tasted. But, for me, after a little unpleasant ropiness, I found it tasty.. perhaps more like a very sweet fortified wine. So, score one for me.
I still have some beet wine and peapodwine aging. Recently, I gave away my beer and wine making equipment to my son in law, John, an excellent brewer. So now, I will concentrate on kitchen wine, using my Mickey Mouse balloon. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
11. And of course you have heard of the crook who was chased by the cops until he climbed over a wall and found himself in a prison yard. What I didn't know until now was it was a woman's prison!
12. What about that guy who was discovered giving mouth to mouth rescusitation to a possum that may have been playing possum.
.........................................
A wonderful thing happened today (or yesterday, as the case may be).. I lifted up a pile of old newspapers and found a copy of the non-defunct Weekly World News from September 18, 2006. (I loved that sheet!) Just look at the news items that I missed!
01. Giant Crocs Attack! Monster reptiles attacked monster trucks at a racetrack.
02. Old Folks live in Daughter's Pool. These poor folks needed assistive living, but couldn't afford it, so their good-hearted daughter allowed them to spend their twilight years floating in her backyard pool. Because of the chlorine in the water, they didn"t even have to worry about toilet breaks.
03. Robin Goodfellow, British Pub owner has started to serve his patrons fairy wings. This has become a great draw for Barrie's Tavern.
04. An item about "Your Bottom Dollar" that perhaps I shouldn't mention.
Excuse me for a moment.. my favorite radio station is playing the Met broadcast of Die Zauberfloete, and I want to hear the Queen of the Night's famous aria. Herr Mozart may have been accused of using "too many notes" on this work, but I don't think that there is one wasted note in the whole opera. Why did Wolfie have to die so young? Who could imagine what other masterpieces still lurked within that massive brain in that little bitty body?
I'm back again.. let me jump to some Wait Wait items:
05. (Notice how I number everything.. its my excessive compulsion, sorry.) A gentleman from Georgia tried to eat a "double wicked" fast food sandwich and messed his jaws up so much that he had to have surgery. (Well, it had to happen sometime.)
06. Did you know that the first Bobby hired by the City of London was fired four hours later because of drunkenness? Do policemen have alcohol level tests in the US?
07. Another Georgian, a Congressman I believe, recently said that Guam will probably tip over if we send any more military people there.
08. Senator John McCain told reporters that he is not a maverick, in spite of the title of his book and his electioneering slogan. I guess he might be trying to become a true Conservative to get the future votes of the Tea Party guys.
09. Fewer NERDS are being produced in the US. Our technical future looks bleak. (Is there a song called: The Revenge of the Nerds?)
10. The guy who invented Wine in a Box has died. Wine snobs deride boxed wine. However, I see not much difference between boxed and bottled wine. In fact, based on wine that I have made over the years, I want to make this statement. Believe it or not, with a little care, and with a little equipment, and a little container of grapes, and a little sugar.. you can make wine in your kitchen that tastes just as good if not better than these bottles of French wine that are selling for astronomical prices. In fact, if you have a Mickey Mouse balloon to place over the top of a bottle, you can do as good a job as any of the California wine makers. This is of course my opinion.
This made me think of wine that I have been aging in the garage. I decided to try an old bottle. I uncorked and decanted a bottle of peach wine that I laid down in 1975. The cork had almost disintegrated but not quite. Opened and poured, there was not much bouquet.. in fact, Elaine took a sip and thought that it ranked (maybe a good word) among the worst wines she had ever tasted. But, for me, after a little unpleasant ropiness, I found it tasty.. perhaps more like a very sweet fortified wine. So, score one for me.
I still have some beet wine and peapodwine aging. Recently, I gave away my beer and wine making equipment to my son in law, John, an excellent brewer. So now, I will concentrate on kitchen wine, using my Mickey Mouse balloon. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
11. And of course you have heard of the crook who was chased by the cops until he climbed over a wall and found himself in a prison yard. What I didn't know until now was it was a woman's prison!
12. What about that guy who was discovered giving mouth to mouth rescusitation to a possum that may have been playing possum.
.........................................
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Thoughts for April 3, 2010
Some notes about the richest woman in the world, the census, and funeral stuff.
01. Rich Woman!
Who do you think has the distinction of being the richest woman in the world? Oprah? Queen Elizabeth? Cleopatra? Nefrertiti?
Nope, none of them.. the woman who has that distinction is/was Hetty Green of New Bedford, Massachusetts, my old home town.
Who do you think has the distinction of being the stingiest person in the world? Scrooge? ENRON executive? Your spouse? Your boss?
Nope, none of them.. that distinction also belongs to Hetty Green.
Hetty was part of the Quaker family that controled the whaling fleets out of New Bedford. She lived from 1834 to 1916. She parlayed a massive whale oil fortune into an even massive fortune by playing the post Civil War bond market and lending lots of money to the city of New York.
It has been written that she ate dry oatmeal for lunch to save money and did not change her underwear until it wore out. At one time, her son injured himself and she tried to get free medical care for him. When it was not forthcoming, she endevored to cure him himself. Unfortunately, gangrene set in and he lost one of his legs.
It has also been reported that she once spent 6 hours hunting for a lost 2 cent postage stamp.
Hetty was a remarkable woman, who was once called "The Witch of Wall Street".. if you want to read some amazing information about this amazing woman, try the following books:
The Day They Shook The Plum Tree by Arthur H. Lewis (1963)
Hetty: The Genius and Madness of America's First Female Tycoon by Charles Slack (2004) .. I haven't read this one yet.
01. Rich Woman!
Who do you think has the distinction of being the richest woman in the world? Oprah? Queen Elizabeth? Cleopatra? Nefrertiti?
Nope, none of them.. the woman who has that distinction is/was Hetty Green of New Bedford, Massachusetts, my old home town.
Who do you think has the distinction of being the stingiest person in the world? Scrooge? ENRON executive? Your spouse? Your boss?
Nope, none of them.. that distinction also belongs to Hetty Green.
Hetty was part of the Quaker family that controled the whaling fleets out of New Bedford. She lived from 1834 to 1916. She parlayed a massive whale oil fortune into an even massive fortune by playing the post Civil War bond market and lending lots of money to the city of New York.
It has been written that she ate dry oatmeal for lunch to save money and did not change her underwear until it wore out. At one time, her son injured himself and she tried to get free medical care for him. When it was not forthcoming, she endevored to cure him himself. Unfortunately, gangrene set in and he lost one of his legs.
It has also been reported that she once spent 6 hours hunting for a lost 2 cent postage stamp.
Hetty was a remarkable woman, who was once called "The Witch of Wall Street".. if you want to read some amazing information about this amazing woman, try the following books:
The Day They Shook The Plum Tree by Arthur H. Lewis (1963)
Hetty: The Genius and Madness of America's First Female Tycoon by Charles Slack (2004) .. I haven't read this one yet.
02. The U.S. Census
Government sources are complaining that people are slow in filling out and returning their 2010 census forms. Duh? Right there in the instructions it says that it wants to know who is in each dwelling on April first 2010 ! Not March 2010! It doesn't take a Mensa member to understand that the form should not be filled out until April first, 2010. Or is that an April Fool joke? So quit complaining!
03. Funeral stuff.
None of us want to think about it, but we are not immortal, even though some teen-agers think so. We should all make some kind of plans so that the poor people who survive us know what to do with us.
My son has always told me not to worry because he would find a real nice ice floe to put me on when my time grows near.
Seriously, you might want to think about it. And to help you, the Carroll County Maryland Chapter of the National Active and Retired Federal Employees (NARFE) is having a funeral expert come and talk at our next meeting in Westminster, Maryland, on April 8th, 2010. Anyone may attend the meeting. It is at the Cactus Willie's restaurant. Come at 11:30 am, and enjoy their buffet. They have the second best fried chicken legs I have ever eaten! Fill your stomach and then fill your brain with new information.
The speaker guarantees that his talk is not depressing and he is even bringing appropriate door prizes. (Hope its not little pine box key chains.)
See you there!
..............................................................
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Has the world gone mad?
Today was a great day, until I read the newspaper. We traveled to DC to see the National Geographic Terra Cotta Warriors exhibit. It was unbelievable. Even though it was chilly, the flowering trees were out everywhere and the sky was blue.
By the time we got back into Maryland, it was raining and the wind was blowing a gale. But even that was ok.. and I heard that the stock market was way up today, and that was good. Then I made my mistake, I opened the paper to check the obits and make sure that I was still alive.. and found these stories:
01. The father of a marine who died in Iraq has been ordered to pay the legal costs for the anti-gay protesters from Kansas who picketed his son's funeral. Freedom of speech? I believe in it, but to do what these professed Christians have done to this poor family is reprehensible. I think that it is time for the Southern Poverty Law group to get involved in the activities of this hate group.
02. Nine alleged members of a so-called Christian militia have been charged with plotting to kill and slaughter scores of people at the funeral of a police officer. Thank God they have been caught before they could do this mayhem.
03. Two teen-age female suicide bombers have killed 38 people in the Moscow subway system. DC Metro employees and the police are stepping up their protective activity to avoid such activity there.
04. A 12 year-old boy will be charged as an adult in the shotgun killing of his father's pregnant fiancee when he was 11. (Are you getting depressed yet?)
05. A Frederick man has been found guilty of tossing a puppy off a bridge because he was angry at her owners for ordering him off their property.
06. Crowds of Hindus and Moslems are attacking each other with stones and clubs in Southern India.
07. An editorial by a man who calls the recently passed health care reform bill a disaster shows by his words that it is easy to criticise without learning about what he is criticising.
08. Three people were quoted on their view of the health care reform bill:
Lady in her 50's: says that health care needs to be overhauled, but not by the people in Washington... Me: well, then who is going to do it? The Insurance companies?
Lady in her 40's: says that the government can't even run the Post Office.. Me: Well, the Government doesn't actually run the Post Office any more..
Man in his 70's: says it stinks.. not happy with BO.. Me: He's got his.. Medicare or Medicaid, so to hell with everybody else.
Already, one feature of the reform should make all parents happy.. and it has already gone into effect: children may now stay on the health plans of their parents until the age of 26! That provision would have saved me thousands of dollars a few years ago.
OK.. enough of this.. let's see if there is anything pleasant in the newspaper:
01. Giant Food in Westminster, Maryland will be installing gas pumps. Sounds great to me. Gas and go shopping.
02. A burglar worked so hard getting his loot ready to carry out of a house, that he fell asleep on one of the beds and awoke to the welcome of a policeman.
03. Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife are enjoying themselves in New York City.
04. Apple will soon release its iPad multimedia tablet in competition with Amazon's Kindle. Hopefully, this will bring down the prices for these e-book items.. also, the iPad will do more than just allow you to read a book the old way, but should allow video and interactivity. This should expand our minds.
05. The iPhone may be coming to Verizon sometime soon. I haven't wanted to work with the iPhone because of its current link up with AT&T, a company that I had lots of problems with over the years.
Let me end by telling you two jokes that I heard today.
A 50-ish lady was being examined by a young doctor when she started screaming and ran from the examining room. An older doctor stopped her and asked what had happened. He then went into the examining room and confronted the younger doctor.
"You know that she is a grandmother, why did you tell her that she was pregnant?"
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
.......
A 16 year old boy wanted to learn to drive. His father said that he could learn to drive if he would bring all his grades up to A's and B's, begin to study the Bible, and get a haircut.
A few months later, the boy came to his father and said, "My grades are all A's and B's now, and I have been studying the Bible everyday for months."
The father said: "The grades are great and I'm glad about the Bible study, but what about your long hair?"
The boy said: "From what I read in the Bible, Sampson had long hair and so I think did Jesus."
The father said: "Yes, and they walked all the time too."
.............................
By the time we got back into Maryland, it was raining and the wind was blowing a gale. But even that was ok.. and I heard that the stock market was way up today, and that was good. Then I made my mistake, I opened the paper to check the obits and make sure that I was still alive.. and found these stories:
01. The father of a marine who died in Iraq has been ordered to pay the legal costs for the anti-gay protesters from Kansas who picketed his son's funeral. Freedom of speech? I believe in it, but to do what these professed Christians have done to this poor family is reprehensible. I think that it is time for the Southern Poverty Law group to get involved in the activities of this hate group.
02. Nine alleged members of a so-called Christian militia have been charged with plotting to kill and slaughter scores of people at the funeral of a police officer. Thank God they have been caught before they could do this mayhem.
03. Two teen-age female suicide bombers have killed 38 people in the Moscow subway system. DC Metro employees and the police are stepping up their protective activity to avoid such activity there.
04. A 12 year-old boy will be charged as an adult in the shotgun killing of his father's pregnant fiancee when he was 11. (Are you getting depressed yet?)
05. A Frederick man has been found guilty of tossing a puppy off a bridge because he was angry at her owners for ordering him off their property.
06. Crowds of Hindus and Moslems are attacking each other with stones and clubs in Southern India.
07. An editorial by a man who calls the recently passed health care reform bill a disaster shows by his words that it is easy to criticise without learning about what he is criticising.
08. Three people were quoted on their view of the health care reform bill:
Lady in her 50's: says that health care needs to be overhauled, but not by the people in Washington... Me: well, then who is going to do it? The Insurance companies?
Lady in her 40's: says that the government can't even run the Post Office.. Me: Well, the Government doesn't actually run the Post Office any more..
Man in his 70's: says it stinks.. not happy with BO.. Me: He's got his.. Medicare or Medicaid, so to hell with everybody else.
Already, one feature of the reform should make all parents happy.. and it has already gone into effect: children may now stay on the health plans of their parents until the age of 26! That provision would have saved me thousands of dollars a few years ago.
OK.. enough of this.. let's see if there is anything pleasant in the newspaper:
01. Giant Food in Westminster, Maryland will be installing gas pumps. Sounds great to me. Gas and go shopping.
02. A burglar worked so hard getting his loot ready to carry out of a house, that he fell asleep on one of the beds and awoke to the welcome of a policeman.
03. Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife are enjoying themselves in New York City.
04. Apple will soon release its iPad multimedia tablet in competition with Amazon's Kindle. Hopefully, this will bring down the prices for these e-book items.. also, the iPad will do more than just allow you to read a book the old way, but should allow video and interactivity. This should expand our minds.
05. The iPhone may be coming to Verizon sometime soon. I haven't wanted to work with the iPhone because of its current link up with AT&T, a company that I had lots of problems with over the years.
Let me end by telling you two jokes that I heard today.
A 50-ish lady was being examined by a young doctor when she started screaming and ran from the examining room. An older doctor stopped her and asked what had happened. He then went into the examining room and confronted the younger doctor.
"You know that she is a grandmother, why did you tell her that she was pregnant?"
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
.......
A 16 year old boy wanted to learn to drive. His father said that he could learn to drive if he would bring all his grades up to A's and B's, begin to study the Bible, and get a haircut.
A few months later, the boy came to his father and said, "My grades are all A's and B's now, and I have been studying the Bible everyday for months."
The father said: "The grades are great and I'm glad about the Bible study, but what about your long hair?"
The boy said: "From what I read in the Bible, Sampson had long hair and so I think did Jesus."
The father said: "Yes, and they walked all the time too."
.............................
Monday, March 29, 2010
Weekly Dozen at 03/29/10
Some interesting items from my favorite news sources:
01. Yuk! President Bush and President Clinton were working and shaking hands in Haiti last week. Mr. Bush apparently thought that there might have been germs on the hand of his last shaker.. so, not having anything to wipe the germs, he turned and wiped his hands on Mr. Clinton's shirt... or so it seems to show in a video taken at the time.
02. Guiness egg record: A Texas man used his head to smash 138 raw eggs in one minute. The main question here is "Why?"
03. Supersize it! In an examination of all of the paintings of the Last Supper over the years, one can see a general increase in the size of the food shown in the pictures, from year to year.
04. Giant disappointment: Some British guys rowed 2,500 miles to try to win the Atlantic Rowing Race, but went aground on a reef less than one mile from the finish.
05. Crash! Last week, Wikipedia was dead for some time. I wonder how many term papers were postponed.
06. Dumb criminals: Thieves called a bank to let them know that they were coming to rob them and asked them to have the money ready. Police were ready instead.
07. More dumb criminals: A couple appeared on the Dr. Phil show and described how they stole toys and sold them on EBay. I guess they didn't realize that policemen watched the show.
08. Garbage Island: A floating island of garbage twice the size of Texas exists in the Pacific Ocean, 600 miles from California. A crew of scientists will be capturing a "shipload" of it in May. They wil be both cleaning up the Pacific, and also using the plastic obtained to try to develop a new kind of fuel.
09. Your way: A Burger King in Brazil takes customers' pictures with a hidden camera and delivers the burgers with the customers' pictures printed on the food wrapper.
10. Scumbag award: To the sushi restaurant that served its customers meat from endangered sei whales. They should throw away the key on the owners.
11. A bunch of baloney! Some company wants to etch a picture on slices of whatever animal was used in making the processed food. Pig; Chicken; Cow; Groundhog; Rattlesnake; Butcher;
12. Bad words. Well, now Vice President Biden has joined the ranks of the high Government officials who spoke before the microphone was turned off. Come on, Joe, you know better!
01. Yuk! President Bush and President Clinton were working and shaking hands in Haiti last week. Mr. Bush apparently thought that there might have been germs on the hand of his last shaker.. so, not having anything to wipe the germs, he turned and wiped his hands on Mr. Clinton's shirt... or so it seems to show in a video taken at the time.
02. Guiness egg record: A Texas man used his head to smash 138 raw eggs in one minute. The main question here is "Why?"
03. Supersize it! In an examination of all of the paintings of the Last Supper over the years, one can see a general increase in the size of the food shown in the pictures, from year to year.
04. Giant disappointment: Some British guys rowed 2,500 miles to try to win the Atlantic Rowing Race, but went aground on a reef less than one mile from the finish.
05. Crash! Last week, Wikipedia was dead for some time. I wonder how many term papers were postponed.
06. Dumb criminals: Thieves called a bank to let them know that they were coming to rob them and asked them to have the money ready. Police were ready instead.
07. More dumb criminals: A couple appeared on the Dr. Phil show and described how they stole toys and sold them on EBay. I guess they didn't realize that policemen watched the show.
08. Garbage Island: A floating island of garbage twice the size of Texas exists in the Pacific Ocean, 600 miles from California. A crew of scientists will be capturing a "shipload" of it in May. They wil be both cleaning up the Pacific, and also using the plastic obtained to try to develop a new kind of fuel.
09. Your way: A Burger King in Brazil takes customers' pictures with a hidden camera and delivers the burgers with the customers' pictures printed on the food wrapper.
10. Scumbag award: To the sushi restaurant that served its customers meat from endangered sei whales. They should throw away the key on the owners.
11. A bunch of baloney! Some company wants to etch a picture on slices of whatever animal was used in making the processed food. Pig; Chicken; Cow; Groundhog; Rattlesnake; Butcher;
12. Bad words. Well, now Vice President Biden has joined the ranks of the high Government officials who spoke before the microphone was turned off. Come on, Joe, you know better!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ March 20, 2010
Happy Spring! It is a beautiful 70 degree day here in Maryland where our weather goes from below freezing to Summer heat in a matter of days.
Lots of stuff going on today.. the Senate Rules Committee is getting ready to do their thing about the Health Reform Bill.. the robins are pulling skinny worms out of the moist ground.. the Mt. Airy, Maryland, St James Church now has two of our old television sets and 15 old telephone sets for recycling.. I delivered a lot of my beer making material to my son-in-law John so that he can make more of that wonderful brew.. and here is/are a dozen of things to think about. (Those tricky collective nouns! English must be a very tough language for foreign speakers to learn.)
01. Japanese. Speaking of foreign languages, every day recently comments have been posted on some of my blog entries, and most of those are in Japanese. How did they know that I am right now trying to learn to read their language? (It is an amazing experiece just to find out the history of each ideogram.)
Since I can't read the language yet, I used Google translator on one comment. The result, unfortunately, was unintelligible. So, maybe I'm dealing with some nuts, or I just don't know how to interpret Google's translation. I'll try again later.
02. Irish stuff: A leprechaun museum has been opened in Dublin, or so I've heard. Last year, I submitted a picture I took at Ocean City, Maryland, of a double rainbow. When I saw the phenomenon, I immediately tried to find the end of each to see if it was true that there were pots of gold there, hidden by those spritely elves that the Irish know exist. No luck, so I took a picture instead. It was a pretty good picture and was published in Creative Expressions. (When I learn to post a picture to a blog, I will add it.)
Faith.. and can ye tell me what beautiful green-colored Country is the richest in the world?
Why of course, it's Ireland, whose capitol is always Dublin.
The first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell out of my high-chair and spilled my Irish oatmeal.
03. Facebook: The Italian police have just found and arrested Pasquale (a famous crook) by reading his Facebook entries and profile.
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me says that there is a new Mafia social network site called Scarface Book.
04. Postal Delivery: I've been following the Postmaster General's recent testimony to the Senate on cost-cutting efforts. He wants to cut out mail delivery on Saturday. One of his reasons is because people don't really get much mail on that day anyway.. probably an average of only 3 pieces of mail. I just retrieved the mail from my mailbox, and it is Saturday.. there were 19 pieces of mail. I guess I am above-average. (Garrison has always said that I was.)
05. Announcements: Apparently, people in New York are complaining about emergency loudspeaker announcements being unintelligible. I would have thought that they knew that already.. haven't they ever tried to put in an order at a fast food drive in lane?
06. Q-Tips: Our Siamese cat, SuZee, has been provided with lots of catnip-filled cat toys. Does she play with them? No. Instead, she plays with Q-Tips. She wrestles with them, carries they around like they are prey, and vigorously seeks them out from wherever we hide them. We have given up.. she always finds them. Elaine thinks we should open a business selling them as cat toys. We could become rich maybe.. of course, we would have to pretty them us somewhat and make sure that the Q-Tip people did not sue us.
07. Fighting: This week I learned that there is a lady who teaches "Cane Fu" fighting. She teaches senior citizens how to defend themselves with their cane. She presented her program at a recent local Expo, but somehow, I missed it. I don't carry a cane anyway and I try to keep away from dangerous areas, as everyone should.
I did hear about a church somewhere near that sponsors violent fighting matches by their congregants so they can learn how to defend themselves in the real violent world. (I thought you were supposed to turn the other cheek.)
08. Government Work: Millie Parsons retired a while ago after serving 59 years with the FBI.. during that time, she never took one hour of sick leave. Somehow, she found time to become a champion ballroom dancer.
(I believe that Lil Steinhorn still holds the record for the longest work for the Government. She worked most of the time for the Social Security Administration in the Baltimore area. On the day she retired, she showed up at the Social Security Alumni Association office and volunteered for work. Lil passed away in 2009. She was over 90 years old.)
09. Texas Interview: Some folks have wondered what is in the latest schoolbooks in Texas.
Interviewer: "Hello, young man. May I ask you a question?"
Texas kid: "Yes, maam."
Int: "Who was Thomas Jefferson?"
Kid: "I don't know maam, was he in a TV show?"
Int: "Isn't he mentioned in your school history book?"
Kid: "No, maam.. and I just finished the whole book in class."
Int: "Do you know who wrote the 'Declaration of Independance?"
Kid: "Oh, yes, maam.. then you must mean Jefferson Davis, who was a hero at the Alamo and later tried bravely to get us independance from a tyrant."
Int: "Did you study about evolution in your classes?"
Kid: "You must mean revolution."
Int: "No, I mean the study of the origin and advancement of life."
Kid: "Oh yes, maam. We studied all about the Garden of Eden in our book."
10. Notch Babies: Well they're at it again. Brown government-looking envelopes are being mailed to senior citizens asking for donations so that they can lobby Congress for some money to make up for the reason they are "Notch Babies".
In a nutshell, years ago, Congress made a mistake in a Social Security benefit formula for a couple of months.. and some people have gotten a larger monthly benefit than people before or after them. If Congress voted to give money to those that came on Social Security right after the more-money persons.. they would have to then give money to all of the ones thereafter.. this would immediately bankrupt the US Government.. and Congress ain't goin' to do it! So.. save your own money and don't contribute to this scheme!
I brought this out as a SCAM to my fellow TRIAD members Thursday, and was informed, rightly, by one of the Police Officers in attendance, that this is not really a scam. It is just another way for unscrupulous people to say they are going to lobby for something that will not take place, while taking donations from lots of senior citizens who can't afford to donate.
My uncle Allen sent these folks lots of money. He passed away in 2009, as did many of the people who were affected by this. Apparently, there are still enough of these folks alive to make this a lucrative ploy.
But, because they will run out of "clients" in a few years, they are now recruiting other "notch babies". In fact, I got a letter this week, naming me as one who would be in the "notch" universe. Guess what? I do not get Social Security. And, I am also no where near old enough to be included in this universe.
I'll bet that these scumbags are now buying mailing lists of any and all senior citizens in an attempt to milk some more money out of the gullible.
11. Parachuting bears: Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me mentions that someone has come up with a great solution for finding Osama Ben Laden. Parachute bears down from planes over Afghanistan or Pakistan. Bears are known for being great trackers and would go into the caves and come up with their prey. One might ask how bears would like to be put into a parachute.. which would have to self-destruct on landing.. also, who would train the bears.. Russians are good at training bears, but they, like Alexander the Great and others since, no longer want to have anything to do with Afghanistan.
12. Lunch?: Can this be true? As a guy was sitting in his car, he felt the car shake violently. Upon investigation, he found a bulldog consuming one of his tires. After being unsuccessful in stopping the dog, he gave up and watched as the dog consumed another of his tires and also half of one bumper. Finally, I guess someone shot the dog. I'm not sure of this and I need to investigate.. it sounds fascinating. Was the car a formerly accelerating Toyota? A recalled Honda? Was this really a stunt dog for a movie filming? Was this a CIA training session for an Afghanistan military secret weapon, like the parachuting bear? Perhaps that is what happens when the bear lands on the ground, it seeks out Taliban or Al Quida vehicles and like the bulldog, tears them to bits. ???
..............................
Lots of stuff going on today.. the Senate Rules Committee is getting ready to do their thing about the Health Reform Bill.. the robins are pulling skinny worms out of the moist ground.. the Mt. Airy, Maryland, St James Church now has two of our old television sets and 15 old telephone sets for recycling.. I delivered a lot of my beer making material to my son-in-law John so that he can make more of that wonderful brew.. and here is/are a dozen of things to think about. (Those tricky collective nouns! English must be a very tough language for foreign speakers to learn.)
01. Japanese. Speaking of foreign languages, every day recently comments have been posted on some of my blog entries, and most of those are in Japanese. How did they know that I am right now trying to learn to read their language? (It is an amazing experiece just to find out the history of each ideogram.)
Since I can't read the language yet, I used Google translator on one comment. The result, unfortunately, was unintelligible. So, maybe I'm dealing with some nuts, or I just don't know how to interpret Google's translation. I'll try again later.
02. Irish stuff: A leprechaun museum has been opened in Dublin, or so I've heard. Last year, I submitted a picture I took at Ocean City, Maryland, of a double rainbow. When I saw the phenomenon, I immediately tried to find the end of each to see if it was true that there were pots of gold there, hidden by those spritely elves that the Irish know exist. No luck, so I took a picture instead. It was a pretty good picture and was published in Creative Expressions. (When I learn to post a picture to a blog, I will add it.)
Faith.. and can ye tell me what beautiful green-colored Country is the richest in the world?
Why of course, it's Ireland, whose capitol is always Dublin.
The first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell out of my high-chair and spilled my Irish oatmeal.
03. Facebook: The Italian police have just found and arrested Pasquale (a famous crook) by reading his Facebook entries and profile.
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me says that there is a new Mafia social network site called Scarface Book.
04. Postal Delivery: I've been following the Postmaster General's recent testimony to the Senate on cost-cutting efforts. He wants to cut out mail delivery on Saturday. One of his reasons is because people don't really get much mail on that day anyway.. probably an average of only 3 pieces of mail. I just retrieved the mail from my mailbox, and it is Saturday.. there were 19 pieces of mail. I guess I am above-average. (Garrison has always said that I was.)
05. Announcements: Apparently, people in New York are complaining about emergency loudspeaker announcements being unintelligible. I would have thought that they knew that already.. haven't they ever tried to put in an order at a fast food drive in lane?
06. Q-Tips: Our Siamese cat, SuZee, has been provided with lots of catnip-filled cat toys. Does she play with them? No. Instead, she plays with Q-Tips. She wrestles with them, carries they around like they are prey, and vigorously seeks them out from wherever we hide them. We have given up.. she always finds them. Elaine thinks we should open a business selling them as cat toys. We could become rich maybe.. of course, we would have to pretty them us somewhat and make sure that the Q-Tip people did not sue us.
07. Fighting: This week I learned that there is a lady who teaches "Cane Fu" fighting. She teaches senior citizens how to defend themselves with their cane. She presented her program at a recent local Expo, but somehow, I missed it. I don't carry a cane anyway and I try to keep away from dangerous areas, as everyone should.
I did hear about a church somewhere near that sponsors violent fighting matches by their congregants so they can learn how to defend themselves in the real violent world. (I thought you were supposed to turn the other cheek.)
08. Government Work: Millie Parsons retired a while ago after serving 59 years with the FBI.. during that time, she never took one hour of sick leave. Somehow, she found time to become a champion ballroom dancer.
(I believe that Lil Steinhorn still holds the record for the longest work for the Government. She worked most of the time for the Social Security Administration in the Baltimore area. On the day she retired, she showed up at the Social Security Alumni Association office and volunteered for work. Lil passed away in 2009. She was over 90 years old.)
09. Texas Interview: Some folks have wondered what is in the latest schoolbooks in Texas.
Interviewer: "Hello, young man. May I ask you a question?"
Texas kid: "Yes, maam."
Int: "Who was Thomas Jefferson?"
Kid: "I don't know maam, was he in a TV show?"
Int: "Isn't he mentioned in your school history book?"
Kid: "No, maam.. and I just finished the whole book in class."
Int: "Do you know who wrote the 'Declaration of Independance?"
Kid: "Oh, yes, maam.. then you must mean Jefferson Davis, who was a hero at the Alamo and later tried bravely to get us independance from a tyrant."
Int: "Did you study about evolution in your classes?"
Kid: "You must mean revolution."
Int: "No, I mean the study of the origin and advancement of life."
Kid: "Oh yes, maam. We studied all about the Garden of Eden in our book."
10. Notch Babies: Well they're at it again. Brown government-looking envelopes are being mailed to senior citizens asking for donations so that they can lobby Congress for some money to make up for the reason they are "Notch Babies".
In a nutshell, years ago, Congress made a mistake in a Social Security benefit formula for a couple of months.. and some people have gotten a larger monthly benefit than people before or after them. If Congress voted to give money to those that came on Social Security right after the more-money persons.. they would have to then give money to all of the ones thereafter.. this would immediately bankrupt the US Government.. and Congress ain't goin' to do it! So.. save your own money and don't contribute to this scheme!
I brought this out as a SCAM to my fellow TRIAD members Thursday, and was informed, rightly, by one of the Police Officers in attendance, that this is not really a scam. It is just another way for unscrupulous people to say they are going to lobby for something that will not take place, while taking donations from lots of senior citizens who can't afford to donate.
My uncle Allen sent these folks lots of money. He passed away in 2009, as did many of the people who were affected by this. Apparently, there are still enough of these folks alive to make this a lucrative ploy.
But, because they will run out of "clients" in a few years, they are now recruiting other "notch babies". In fact, I got a letter this week, naming me as one who would be in the "notch" universe. Guess what? I do not get Social Security. And, I am also no where near old enough to be included in this universe.
I'll bet that these scumbags are now buying mailing lists of any and all senior citizens in an attempt to milk some more money out of the gullible.
11. Parachuting bears: Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me mentions that someone has come up with a great solution for finding Osama Ben Laden. Parachute bears down from planes over Afghanistan or Pakistan. Bears are known for being great trackers and would go into the caves and come up with their prey. One might ask how bears would like to be put into a parachute.. which would have to self-destruct on landing.. also, who would train the bears.. Russians are good at training bears, but they, like Alexander the Great and others since, no longer want to have anything to do with Afghanistan.
12. Lunch?: Can this be true? As a guy was sitting in his car, he felt the car shake violently. Upon investigation, he found a bulldog consuming one of his tires. After being unsuccessful in stopping the dog, he gave up and watched as the dog consumed another of his tires and also half of one bumper. Finally, I guess someone shot the dog. I'm not sure of this and I need to investigate.. it sounds fascinating. Was the car a formerly accelerating Toyota? A recalled Honda? Was this really a stunt dog for a movie filming? Was this a CIA training session for an Afghanistan military secret weapon, like the parachuting bear? Perhaps that is what happens when the bear lands on the ground, it seeks out Taliban or Al Quida vehicles and like the bulldog, tears them to bits. ???
..............................
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ March 12, 2010
Old and new stuff.
01. 2010: I-PHONE Love: A study has found that many people are addicted to their I-PHONES. In fact, they found that many people even sleep with them under their pillows. (Well, you don't want to miss an important call.)
02. 1950: Cremation: A man in Wellington, New Zealand, specified in his will that his body be cremated and the ashes put to work in an hour glass. (Good idea.. he will be serving a purpose even though he is not breathing anymore.)
03. 2010: 3-D: A newspaper in Belgium has put out a newspaper edition in 3D. They even supply the glasses. (The news just jumps out at you.)
04. 1950: Gun Control: Police in Chicago melt down the weapons seized from gangsters and makes them into medals to give to brave crime-fighters. (It's probably more lucrative these days to sell them back to the crooks or export them to formerly peaceful countries.)
05. 2010: Netflix spin-off? A new company has been formed to mail fresh underwear to guys each month. (Do you have to send them back after you have used them for one week? In the 1950's, guys did not wear underwear.)
06. 1950: Teeth: I've seen George Washington's wooden (ivory actually) teeth and a guy in 1950 made a set of false teeth for himself out of pieces of scrap aluminum. (During the 1950's I worked for a time in an aluminum chair factory.. I wasn't very good at the job and lots of my chairs got dumped into a molten aluminum bath to be reformed. Perhaps they could have used my rejects to make sturdy false teeth.)
07. 2010: Drunks Crossing: In some part or Rumania, signs have been put up to warn drivers about drunks who may be staggering across the street. (Deer Crossing signs in the US show a leaping buck.. what is the symbol for the Rumanian drunk?)
08: 1950: Divorce: A man in Milwaukee who lost his wife in a divorce suit, asked the judge to at least award the family dog to him. (Sounds reasonable to me. After all, "a man's best friend is his dog.. but a 5 cent cigar is a smoke.." or something like that.. probably some wisdom from H.L. Mencken that I can't figure out.)
Incidentally, a chiropractor met with our NARFE group yesterday. I mentioned H.L. Mencken's 1927 article in the Baltimore Sun about chiropractic. It didn't seem to bother him at all.. he did say that if you look up "curmudgeon" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Mencken.
09: 2010: Diet: The French have developed the "air diet".. yes, it's like "air guitar" etc.. Like Marcel Marceau, you pretend you are eating. You make the motions with the empty glasses and plates but no food enters your gullet. This is guaranteed to help you lose weight.
A diet poem I like is:
My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet.
Dieting is not easy and no fun. Here are some tips that I have found helpful:
a. Count every calorie that you consume.
b. Put exercise time on your schedule every day.
c. Drink green tea or water before meals.
d. Chew every bite 20 times (or more).
Personally, I don't always observe these tips.. although every calorie I have had since New Year's Day has been recorded. Have I lost weight? I won't know until I go for my next check-up in April.
10. 1950: RIP?: A man in Petersburg, Virginia purchased 2,180 tombstones discarded from a cemetery and built a house with them. (Question: Why were they discarded? Is that the fate of all tombstones? At the Cushing Cemetery in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, there are headstones and footstones going back to 1810, if not earlier. One would expect these tombstones to be cared for until the sun burns the earth all up, or until cloning gets so good that we will all be recreated, and people live forever so that such stones are no longer of any use.)
11. 2010: Belly dancers: A group of 11 belly dancing teachers and students will be performing for the local AARP Chapter next month. They call themselves Anerneic Magic. I am unable to find the word in any of my dictionaries. (Kind of similar:
aneroid: containing no liquid (maybe they don't drink before performing)
anerly: merely .. Scotch dialect.
an: no with ern/erne: sea eagle (crossword puzzle word) .. (Maybe "no sea eagles" ? After all, these are belly dancers, not birds)
I am alerting the emergency people to stand by for a 911 call if the dancers turn up the heat too much for us old timey dudes. I'll let you know what happened, if I survive. You may know the story of my belly dancer who caused the Social Security Administration to outlaw such folks from entering the premises.. I don't think that will happen at the Elks Lodge in Westminster.
12. 2010: Funny phrases: Elaine mentioned a phrase yesterday in connection with a guy who tried to kill his wife with a hammer. She said: "His ass is grass." and was surprised to learn that I had never heard the phrase before.
Recently, she was amused when I refered to someone I liked as "a hot ticket."
I was surprised to find the phrase "moseying around" in a book about the Civil War.
In my library, I have a book that gives the derivation and usage of slang phrases.. I should try to find it and educate myself.. there are probably lots of swear words that I could be using, but don't know about yet. And you probably know that I have a book with French swear words and I have been trying to use those instead of the common ones in United States usage that bore me... I was, however, surprised to learn that my beautiful daughter in law already knew some of those French swear words. Tsk Tsk!
My late wife was French Canadian and her family spoke lots of French... however, when they swore, it was American words that they used.
I am going to say something that you probably will not believe.. my late wife of 43 years and I never swore in front of our kids.. and only swore on rare ocassions in each other's presence.. like when hitting a thumb with a hammer.. or when dropping something gooey all over the mail.. but you know that it is the S word that is commonly used on that occasion.
Basta! (no that is not a swear word.. it just means that that is enough of this nonsense!)
01. 2010: I-PHONE Love: A study has found that many people are addicted to their I-PHONES. In fact, they found that many people even sleep with them under their pillows. (Well, you don't want to miss an important call.)
02. 1950: Cremation: A man in Wellington, New Zealand, specified in his will that his body be cremated and the ashes put to work in an hour glass. (Good idea.. he will be serving a purpose even though he is not breathing anymore.)
03. 2010: 3-D: A newspaper in Belgium has put out a newspaper edition in 3D. They even supply the glasses. (The news just jumps out at you.)
04. 1950: Gun Control: Police in Chicago melt down the weapons seized from gangsters and makes them into medals to give to brave crime-fighters. (It's probably more lucrative these days to sell them back to the crooks or export them to formerly peaceful countries.)
05. 2010: Netflix spin-off? A new company has been formed to mail fresh underwear to guys each month. (Do you have to send them back after you have used them for one week? In the 1950's, guys did not wear underwear.)
06. 1950: Teeth: I've seen George Washington's wooden (ivory actually) teeth and a guy in 1950 made a set of false teeth for himself out of pieces of scrap aluminum. (During the 1950's I worked for a time in an aluminum chair factory.. I wasn't very good at the job and lots of my chairs got dumped into a molten aluminum bath to be reformed. Perhaps they could have used my rejects to make sturdy false teeth.)
07. 2010: Drunks Crossing: In some part or Rumania, signs have been put up to warn drivers about drunks who may be staggering across the street. (Deer Crossing signs in the US show a leaping buck.. what is the symbol for the Rumanian drunk?)
08: 1950: Divorce: A man in Milwaukee who lost his wife in a divorce suit, asked the judge to at least award the family dog to him. (Sounds reasonable to me. After all, "a man's best friend is his dog.. but a 5 cent cigar is a smoke.." or something like that.. probably some wisdom from H.L. Mencken that I can't figure out.)
Incidentally, a chiropractor met with our NARFE group yesterday. I mentioned H.L. Mencken's 1927 article in the Baltimore Sun about chiropractic. It didn't seem to bother him at all.. he did say that if you look up "curmudgeon" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Mencken.
09: 2010: Diet: The French have developed the "air diet".. yes, it's like "air guitar" etc.. Like Marcel Marceau, you pretend you are eating. You make the motions with the empty glasses and plates but no food enters your gullet. This is guaranteed to help you lose weight.
A diet poem I like is:
My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet.
Dieting is not easy and no fun. Here are some tips that I have found helpful:
a. Count every calorie that you consume.
b. Put exercise time on your schedule every day.
c. Drink green tea or water before meals.
d. Chew every bite 20 times (or more).
Personally, I don't always observe these tips.. although every calorie I have had since New Year's Day has been recorded. Have I lost weight? I won't know until I go for my next check-up in April.
10. 1950: RIP?: A man in Petersburg, Virginia purchased 2,180 tombstones discarded from a cemetery and built a house with them. (Question: Why were they discarded? Is that the fate of all tombstones? At the Cushing Cemetery in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, there are headstones and footstones going back to 1810, if not earlier. One would expect these tombstones to be cared for until the sun burns the earth all up, or until cloning gets so good that we will all be recreated, and people live forever so that such stones are no longer of any use.)
11. 2010: Belly dancers: A group of 11 belly dancing teachers and students will be performing for the local AARP Chapter next month. They call themselves Anerneic Magic. I am unable to find the word in any of my dictionaries. (Kind of similar:
aneroid: containing no liquid (maybe they don't drink before performing)
anerly: merely .. Scotch dialect.
an: no with ern/erne: sea eagle (crossword puzzle word) .. (Maybe "no sea eagles" ? After all, these are belly dancers, not birds)
I am alerting the emergency people to stand by for a 911 call if the dancers turn up the heat too much for us old timey dudes. I'll let you know what happened, if I survive. You may know the story of my belly dancer who caused the Social Security Administration to outlaw such folks from entering the premises.. I don't think that will happen at the Elks Lodge in Westminster.
12. 2010: Funny phrases: Elaine mentioned a phrase yesterday in connection with a guy who tried to kill his wife with a hammer. She said: "His ass is grass." and was surprised to learn that I had never heard the phrase before.
Recently, she was amused when I refered to someone I liked as "a hot ticket."
I was surprised to find the phrase "moseying around" in a book about the Civil War.
In my library, I have a book that gives the derivation and usage of slang phrases.. I should try to find it and educate myself.. there are probably lots of swear words that I could be using, but don't know about yet. And you probably know that I have a book with French swear words and I have been trying to use those instead of the common ones in United States usage that bore me... I was, however, surprised to learn that my beautiful daughter in law already knew some of those French swear words. Tsk Tsk!
My late wife was French Canadian and her family spoke lots of French... however, when they swore, it was American words that they used.
I am going to say something that you probably will not believe.. my late wife of 43 years and I never swore in front of our kids.. and only swore on rare ocassions in each other's presence.. like when hitting a thumb with a hammer.. or when dropping something gooey all over the mail.. but you know that it is the S word that is commonly used on that occasion.
Basta! (no that is not a swear word.. it just means that that is enough of this nonsense!)
Friday, March 05, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ March 5, 2010
Some of these items come from me, some from newspapers, and some from The Week magazine, a wonderful sheet that hits all sides of a story.
01. Famous Book Sale. The well-known Smith College in Massachusetts has an active alumni group in Maryland. They put on an annual book sale that is a book-lover's dream. I first discovered the sale while I was waiting for my first daughter to be born at a Baltimore hospital. (I won't tell you how many years ago that was because maybe my daughter doesn't want you to know how old she is.)
Over the years, I purchased thousands of books for my collection, mainly at their sales. (They sell gently-used books on any and all subjects.) When we made plans to move to our current location, I realized that I could not take all of these books with me, so I boxed them up, knowing that I could always donate them to the current year's sale. However, when the time came, I was told that they already had so many books to sell, they had no place to put my 118 boxes of books. (I have already written how I finally got rid of the books, so, if you want to know, call me up or search my blogs for Salvation Army.)
Anyway, this year's sale is the 52nd annual sale. It will take place on April 9-11 at the exhibition hall of the Maryland State Fairgrounds in Timonium, MD. Apparently that is the only site big enough to hold all of the books. I guarantee that if you go, you will get hooked, and start to amass your own gigantic library of great books. (... at cheap prices)
02. Intelligent Billing: Elaine got a bill today from a well-known company. It was a bill for $0.00 ! A nasty note was attached, saying, in effect, "If we do not receive your payment by March 31st, you will be required to pay a $0.00 late fee!"
03. Tricky Timing: The usually completely accurate magazine I mentioned above, gave the following information: "2010 is the year of Mark Twain, ... it marks the 100th anniversary of the American author's birth, and the 125th of the publication of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn..." He sure was a darn good writer to get stuff published even before he was born.
03 1/2. Telephone Help Desk: At today's AARP meeting, I was able to give my stand-up routine about a telephone call I made a while ago.
I called the 800 # for a well-known Internet provider. I had a problem and was not able to access the web. The call went something like this:
"Allo, wat is your name?"
"Joseph Vaughan"
"Allo, Yosef, wat is your broblem?"
"I cannot access the Internet."
"Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I do not understand gable."
"May I speak to your supervisor?"
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I cannot access the internet."
"Wat is your name, sir?"
"Joseph Vaughan."
"OK, Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I don't know wat is gable."
"It's an electric line running into my house, like a telephone line."
"OK, Yosef, I will look that up. Where do you live?"
"I live in the U.S. In Maryland."
"I don't know wat is merrylend."
"Maryland is a State in the U.S."
"I'm sorry, Yosef, but I ave no record of merrylend."
"Do you have Massachusetts?"
"Yes, I see that, but no merrylend."
"Oh.. to hell with it! Goodbye!"
After explaining my frustrating experience to a County administrator, I was given a local number for the company involved. I called the number and a guy said: "Hey, how ya doin? What can I do for you?"
I told him my problem, he went away for one minute, came back and said, "is it ok now?" I checked, and it was. Total time for call and fix.. about two minutes.
04. Traffic cameras: We've talked before about speed cameras and red-light cameras.. now we have "rolling right turn" cameras. In Los Angeles, there now is a fine of over $400 for doing a rolling right turn. This must be a real money-maker, because it's hard for me to believe that the word has gotten out that you must make a full stop before making a right turn on a red light.
05. Air Traffic Controllers: They are getting younger and younger. Check out the youngster who gave instructions to several planes recently at the JFK Airport.(I know that President Reagan fired a lot of controllers years ago, but I didn't know that the Government had dropped the age requirement so they could hire more of them.)
06. Oink:Oink - This is the tenth anniversary of the successful cloning of a pig. (Name of Deli?)
07. IQ: An Israeli study has found that the lower a person's IQ is, the more likely that person is a heavy smoker. (Us former-smoker now-smart guys knew that already.)
08. Brushes: A lady named Dawn Stephens has invented an all-in-one toilet-bowl-cleaning brush. (My grandfather, Arthur Stephens Vaughan, in 1900, invented the all-in-one shoe brush, consisting of a "polish dauber" on the end of a handled "polishing brush.") If I could figure out how to put pictures on this blog, I would show what his prototype looks like today. I have it on display in my den.
09. Cursing: Nepal has an annual "cursing festival". One of the curses I like best is: "May your buffaloes all die of diarrhea!"
10. Fusion? Bloom Energy says they have developed a fuel cell that can generate energy without going through the process of combustion. More power to them!
11. Crabby? Marylanders love their crabs, but sometimes they get careless about getting them. Recently, Maryland environmental police found and pulled up over 1,500 abandoned or lost crab pots from inlets to the Chesapeake Bay. These pots endanger fish and crabs. I wonder what they did with any crabs (or their skeletons) found in these pots.
12. Exercise? I read that there is an aerobic exercise called "spinning"... please don't tell me what that is, I want to conjure up an image of this exercise... in my mind's eye.. just as I did years ago listening to the radio and visualizing the scene being described. Visualization is a great exercise for the brain.
... enough!
01. Famous Book Sale. The well-known Smith College in Massachusetts has an active alumni group in Maryland. They put on an annual book sale that is a book-lover's dream. I first discovered the sale while I was waiting for my first daughter to be born at a Baltimore hospital. (I won't tell you how many years ago that was because maybe my daughter doesn't want you to know how old she is.)
Over the years, I purchased thousands of books for my collection, mainly at their sales. (They sell gently-used books on any and all subjects.) When we made plans to move to our current location, I realized that I could not take all of these books with me, so I boxed them up, knowing that I could always donate them to the current year's sale. However, when the time came, I was told that they already had so many books to sell, they had no place to put my 118 boxes of books. (I have already written how I finally got rid of the books, so, if you want to know, call me up or search my blogs for Salvation Army.)
Anyway, this year's sale is the 52nd annual sale. It will take place on April 9-11 at the exhibition hall of the Maryland State Fairgrounds in Timonium, MD. Apparently that is the only site big enough to hold all of the books. I guarantee that if you go, you will get hooked, and start to amass your own gigantic library of great books. (... at cheap prices)
02. Intelligent Billing: Elaine got a bill today from a well-known company. It was a bill for $0.00 ! A nasty note was attached, saying, in effect, "If we do not receive your payment by March 31st, you will be required to pay a $0.00 late fee!"
03. Tricky Timing: The usually completely accurate magazine I mentioned above, gave the following information: "2010 is the year of Mark Twain, ... it marks the 100th anniversary of the American author's birth, and the 125th of the publication of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn..." He sure was a darn good writer to get stuff published even before he was born.
03 1/2. Telephone Help Desk: At today's AARP meeting, I was able to give my stand-up routine about a telephone call I made a while ago.
I called the 800 # for a well-known Internet provider. I had a problem and was not able to access the web. The call went something like this:
"Allo, wat is your name?"
"Joseph Vaughan"
"Allo, Yosef, wat is your broblem?"
"I cannot access the Internet."
"Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I do not understand gable."
"May I speak to your supervisor?"
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I cannot access the internet."
"Wat is your name, sir?"
"Joseph Vaughan."
"OK, Yosef, do you ave dial-up or dsl?"
"I have cable."
"Yosef, wat is gable? I don't know wat is gable."
"It's an electric line running into my house, like a telephone line."
"OK, Yosef, I will look that up. Where do you live?"
"I live in the U.S. In Maryland."
"I don't know wat is merrylend."
"Maryland is a State in the U.S."
"I'm sorry, Yosef, but I ave no record of merrylend."
"Do you have Massachusetts?"
"Yes, I see that, but no merrylend."
"Oh.. to hell with it! Goodbye!"
After explaining my frustrating experience to a County administrator, I was given a local number for the company involved. I called the number and a guy said: "Hey, how ya doin? What can I do for you?"
I told him my problem, he went away for one minute, came back and said, "is it ok now?" I checked, and it was. Total time for call and fix.. about two minutes.
04. Traffic cameras: We've talked before about speed cameras and red-light cameras.. now we have "rolling right turn" cameras. In Los Angeles, there now is a fine of over $400 for doing a rolling right turn. This must be a real money-maker, because it's hard for me to believe that the word has gotten out that you must make a full stop before making a right turn on a red light.
05. Air Traffic Controllers: They are getting younger and younger. Check out the youngster who gave instructions to several planes recently at the JFK Airport.(I know that President Reagan fired a lot of controllers years ago, but I didn't know that the Government had dropped the age requirement so they could hire more of them.)
06. Oink:Oink - This is the tenth anniversary of the successful cloning of a pig. (Name of Deli?)
07. IQ: An Israeli study has found that the lower a person's IQ is, the more likely that person is a heavy smoker. (Us former-smoker now-smart guys knew that already.)
08. Brushes: A lady named Dawn Stephens has invented an all-in-one toilet-bowl-cleaning brush. (My grandfather, Arthur Stephens Vaughan, in 1900, invented the all-in-one shoe brush, consisting of a "polish dauber" on the end of a handled "polishing brush.") If I could figure out how to put pictures on this blog, I would show what his prototype looks like today. I have it on display in my den.
09. Cursing: Nepal has an annual "cursing festival". One of the curses I like best is: "May your buffaloes all die of diarrhea!"
10. Fusion? Bloom Energy says they have developed a fuel cell that can generate energy without going through the process of combustion. More power to them!
11. Crabby? Marylanders love their crabs, but sometimes they get careless about getting them. Recently, Maryland environmental police found and pulled up over 1,500 abandoned or lost crab pots from inlets to the Chesapeake Bay. These pots endanger fish and crabs. I wonder what they did with any crabs (or their skeletons) found in these pots.
12. Exercise? I read that there is an aerobic exercise called "spinning"... please don't tell me what that is, I want to conjure up an image of this exercise... in my mind's eye.. just as I did years ago listening to the radio and visualizing the scene being described. Visualization is a great exercise for the brain.
... enough!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Weekly Dozen 02/27/10
Here are some new items mixed in with old items:
01. 2010: Solution to the monetary crisis: Even though the State of Missouri is having so many financial problems, they feel good that they have figured a way out of the situation. They will deduct $1 every week from their Governor's salary to invest in PowerBall, or whatever that Lottery is called. All money won will be used to pay down Missouri's debt.
02. 1998: Diabetes: CBS reports that an insulin inhaler is being developed. (Was it developed? I think that they already had the "pump" at that time.
03. 2010: Carotid clearance: A study has reported that a stent procedure to clear a clogged carotid artery works just as well as an operation. (Why didn't they tell me that two years ago!)
04. 2010: "Chips": In Britain, they are trying to develop a "chip" made out of meat. (Would that be a "potato chip" or a "chip" as in Britain's famous "fish and chips"?)
I wish I could find a place to eat true English fish and chips! You can get it back in New Bedford, Massachusetts, but I have not found the same thing anywhere in the Mid-Atlantic. The closest was at Arthur Treacher's Restaurant, but they closed down all of those places anywhere near where I live. I think there might be one left in Maryland somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.
05. 1998: WOW Chips: Speaking of "chips", in 1998 the FDA gave a "thumbs up" to Olestra. Products using it were supposed to be still high calorie, but have no fat grams. I tried some of them at the time and found that they did not like my digestion and haven't tried them since, knowingly. I guess you can still get Olestra products in the Super Market.
06. 2010: Mr. Toyoda: I have wondered why the head of the family-based car company doesn't have the same name as the car. I heard today, somewhere, that it is because the stroke for "T" is not as lucky as the stroke for "D" in Japanese ideograms, so it was changed.. (maybe they should have changed the stroke for the car name also, and they might not be having so many problems.)
Incidentally, I took my RAV4 in to the Toyota dealer for my 5,000 maintenance, and while I was there, they did the recall fix for the accelerator.
By the way, to graduate from a Japanese grammar school, a student must know 881 characters (ideograms). To graduate from High School, a student must know 1,850, and to read at a college level, a student must know 3,000.
All of these characters are built up from less than 300 elements or pictures. These pictures were drawn by the Chinese similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics. The Japanese borrowed these characters from the Chinese over 2,000 years ago.
07. 1998: Leo Buscaglia: One of my favorite people passed away on June 12, 1998. Leo Buscaglia was a California professor who taught a class in LOVE. In addition to his class, he gave televised lectures on the subject and wrote a number of books about love.
Luckily, I taped his presentations whenever I found them on TV. His whole life was built around letting people know what love was all about. At his lectures, everyone was hugged by him before they left. His death was a great loss to the world, in my opinion.
My cousin, Charlie, and his family live in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and attend a Baptist church there. The preacher, until a few years ago, was from Baltimore and had a Bethlehem Steel background. I visited the church a few times and the preacher always had a line waiting for him after the services. They were waiting to get a hug from him. What a great idea! I don't see or experience many hugs any more. Perhaps it is because of a fear of the flu. I have read that hugs are good medicine and buttress our immune systems.. maybe after the flu goes away, we can get back to hugging.
08. 2010: Cartalk definitions:
Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
MacAdam: The first Scotsman.
09. 1998: Airline crashes: Tom Snyder (Remember him? The 6'8" Late Late Show host .. replaced by 6'8" Conan O'Brien!) said that statistics showed that more people are killed by donkeys each year than are killed in airline crashes. (Let that be a lesson to you!)
10. 2010: Healthy flies: A college professor has developed a method for exercising fruit flies so they will be healthier for use in experiments.
Time flies like the wind,
Fruit flies like bananas.
11. 2010: Accident: It had to happen. Two police segways crashed into each other. (By the way, did you know that the first automobile accident in the U. S. occured in Baltimore?)
12. 2010: Vital statistics:
The most dangerous food in the U.S. is the hot dog. (Apparently, children choke on them, and scientists are trying to change their shape to make them safer.)
The laziest people in the world live in the United States. (Maybe that fruit fly professor should come up with an innovative way for everyone to exercise.)
Bonus
1998 and 2010: Words: Back in 1998, I read where no word rhymes with month, purple or orange. I have been trying since then to find words that did complete those rhymes. No luck, yet. Perhaps my long-lost brother Joe (if he is reading this) may have found some already since he is a noted word expert.
Can you find rhyming words for month, purple or orange?
01. 2010: Solution to the monetary crisis: Even though the State of Missouri is having so many financial problems, they feel good that they have figured a way out of the situation. They will deduct $1 every week from their Governor's salary to invest in PowerBall, or whatever that Lottery is called. All money won will be used to pay down Missouri's debt.
02. 1998: Diabetes: CBS reports that an insulin inhaler is being developed. (Was it developed? I think that they already had the "pump" at that time.
03. 2010: Carotid clearance: A study has reported that a stent procedure to clear a clogged carotid artery works just as well as an operation. (Why didn't they tell me that two years ago!)
04. 2010: "Chips": In Britain, they are trying to develop a "chip" made out of meat. (Would that be a "potato chip" or a "chip" as in Britain's famous "fish and chips"?)
I wish I could find a place to eat true English fish and chips! You can get it back in New Bedford, Massachusetts, but I have not found the same thing anywhere in the Mid-Atlantic. The closest was at Arthur Treacher's Restaurant, but they closed down all of those places anywhere near where I live. I think there might be one left in Maryland somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.
05. 1998: WOW Chips: Speaking of "chips", in 1998 the FDA gave a "thumbs up" to Olestra. Products using it were supposed to be still high calorie, but have no fat grams. I tried some of them at the time and found that they did not like my digestion and haven't tried them since, knowingly. I guess you can still get Olestra products in the Super Market.
06. 2010: Mr. Toyoda: I have wondered why the head of the family-based car company doesn't have the same name as the car. I heard today, somewhere, that it is because the stroke for "T" is not as lucky as the stroke for "D" in Japanese ideograms, so it was changed.. (maybe they should have changed the stroke for the car name also, and they might not be having so many problems.)
Incidentally, I took my RAV4 in to the Toyota dealer for my 5,000 maintenance, and while I was there, they did the recall fix for the accelerator.
By the way, to graduate from a Japanese grammar school, a student must know 881 characters (ideograms). To graduate from High School, a student must know 1,850, and to read at a college level, a student must know 3,000.
All of these characters are built up from less than 300 elements or pictures. These pictures were drawn by the Chinese similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics. The Japanese borrowed these characters from the Chinese over 2,000 years ago.
07. 1998: Leo Buscaglia: One of my favorite people passed away on June 12, 1998. Leo Buscaglia was a California professor who taught a class in LOVE. In addition to his class, he gave televised lectures on the subject and wrote a number of books about love.
Luckily, I taped his presentations whenever I found them on TV. His whole life was built around letting people know what love was all about. At his lectures, everyone was hugged by him before they left. His death was a great loss to the world, in my opinion.
My cousin, Charlie, and his family live in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and attend a Baptist church there. The preacher, until a few years ago, was from Baltimore and had a Bethlehem Steel background. I visited the church a few times and the preacher always had a line waiting for him after the services. They were waiting to get a hug from him. What a great idea! I don't see or experience many hugs any more. Perhaps it is because of a fear of the flu. I have read that hugs are good medicine and buttress our immune systems.. maybe after the flu goes away, we can get back to hugging.
08. 2010: Cartalk definitions:
Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
MacAdam: The first Scotsman.
09. 1998: Airline crashes: Tom Snyder (Remember him? The 6'8" Late Late Show host .. replaced by 6'8" Conan O'Brien!) said that statistics showed that more people are killed by donkeys each year than are killed in airline crashes. (Let that be a lesson to you!)
10. 2010: Healthy flies: A college professor has developed a method for exercising fruit flies so they will be healthier for use in experiments.
Time flies like the wind,
Fruit flies like bananas.
11. 2010: Accident: It had to happen. Two police segways crashed into each other. (By the way, did you know that the first automobile accident in the U. S. occured in Baltimore?)
12. 2010: Vital statistics:
The most dangerous food in the U.S. is the hot dog. (Apparently, children choke on them, and scientists are trying to change their shape to make them safer.)
The laziest people in the world live in the United States. (Maybe that fruit fly professor should come up with an innovative way for everyone to exercise.)
Bonus
1998 and 2010: Words: Back in 1998, I read where no word rhymes with month, purple or orange. I have been trying since then to find words that did complete those rhymes. No luck, yet. Perhaps my long-lost brother Joe (if he is reading this) may have found some already since he is a noted word expert.
Can you find rhyming words for month, purple or orange?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ 02/20/2010
Here are some backlogged items:
01. Last year, Time magazine mentioned two special inventions that they did not particularly like:
a. A bra that can easily be converted into two gasmasks.
b. Software that scans the smiles of Japanese railway employees to make sure that they exude the proper amount of cheerfulness.
(Japanese-watchers have also been reporting on the depth of Mr. Toyoda's bows when apologizing for automobile glitzes. Apparently one can tell a lot about people's intentions by how low they bow.)
02. Why is it that all real famous people were born on holidays? (Washington, Lincoln, King, etc.)
03. Who was this "Red" Roundtree who was arrested in 2003 for trying to rob a bank at the age of 91?
04. The Vice President of Nigeria has a great name: Goodluck Jonathan. (Baltimore's own H.L.Mencken gets into "different" names in his classic study The American Language. For instance, at one time, Doctors at Johns Hopkins would name the babies for poor women who had their labor in that hospital.. one of the names given out, supposedly appropriately, was Positive Wasserman Johnson.)
05. Some art experts are declaring that the Mona Lisa is a self-portrait of Leonardo Da Vinci in drag. (Take a good look and compare after dropping the beard.. there may be some truth to this.)
06. I'm sure that now you have heard about the famous cricketeer who shocked the sports world by biting the ball during a match. This is cheating at cricket on a large scale, similar to throwing a "spitball" at a batter's head.
07. Recently, a Denver advertisement for a job as "medical marijuana reviewer" netted lots of applications.
08. A woman has filed a lawsuit against her boss for "breaking wind" in her cubicle.
(Cruel and unusual punishment, now probably considered on a par with smoking in one's area.)
09. John Gay died in 1732, and had chiseled on his tombstone:
Life is a jest,
And all things show it.
I thought so once,
And now I know it.
10. Sarah Palin had crib notes written on her hand for her recent Tea Party Convention speech. (I wonder if someone was able to photograph those notes. They would be worth thousands of dollars.)
11. Dallas, Texas police have been issuing tickets to people for not speaking English. (What law does this break?)
12. A freight train was parked in front of a woman's house for six week. During that time, she had to scoot under the train to get out into the world.
When I was in High School and walked to school down a certain street, there was always a large truck parked across the street and sidewalk, taking on items for delivery. This was a challenge to us boys, who scooted under the truck.. while the motor was running and the gearshift was about to be engaged. The girls were not as dumb as the boys.. they waited for the truck to move out of the way or took another route.
Extra: South Carolina's Mark Sanford, thinking ahead, had the "faithfulness promise" removed from the wedding vow for his marriage.
................................................
01. Last year, Time magazine mentioned two special inventions that they did not particularly like:
a. A bra that can easily be converted into two gasmasks.
b. Software that scans the smiles of Japanese railway employees to make sure that they exude the proper amount of cheerfulness.
(Japanese-watchers have also been reporting on the depth of Mr. Toyoda's bows when apologizing for automobile glitzes. Apparently one can tell a lot about people's intentions by how low they bow.)
02. Why is it that all real famous people were born on holidays? (Washington, Lincoln, King, etc.)
03. Who was this "Red" Roundtree who was arrested in 2003 for trying to rob a bank at the age of 91?
04. The Vice President of Nigeria has a great name: Goodluck Jonathan. (Baltimore's own H.L.Mencken gets into "different" names in his classic study The American Language. For instance, at one time, Doctors at Johns Hopkins would name the babies for poor women who had their labor in that hospital.. one of the names given out, supposedly appropriately, was Positive Wasserman Johnson.)
05. Some art experts are declaring that the Mona Lisa is a self-portrait of Leonardo Da Vinci in drag. (Take a good look and compare after dropping the beard.. there may be some truth to this.)
06. I'm sure that now you have heard about the famous cricketeer who shocked the sports world by biting the ball during a match. This is cheating at cricket on a large scale, similar to throwing a "spitball" at a batter's head.
07. Recently, a Denver advertisement for a job as "medical marijuana reviewer" netted lots of applications.
08. A woman has filed a lawsuit against her boss for "breaking wind" in her cubicle.
(Cruel and unusual punishment, now probably considered on a par with smoking in one's area.)
09. John Gay died in 1732, and had chiseled on his tombstone:
Life is a jest,
And all things show it.
I thought so once,
And now I know it.
10. Sarah Palin had crib notes written on her hand for her recent Tea Party Convention speech. (I wonder if someone was able to photograph those notes. They would be worth thousands of dollars.)
11. Dallas, Texas police have been issuing tickets to people for not speaking English. (What law does this break?)
12. A freight train was parked in front of a woman's house for six week. During that time, she had to scoot under the train to get out into the world.
When I was in High School and walked to school down a certain street, there was always a large truck parked across the street and sidewalk, taking on items for delivery. This was a challenge to us boys, who scooted under the truck.. while the motor was running and the gearshift was about to be engaged. The girls were not as dumb as the boys.. they waited for the truck to move out of the way or took another route.
Extra: South Carolina's Mark Sanford, thinking ahead, had the "faithfulness promise" removed from the wedding vow for his marriage.
................................................
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Valentine's Day
She slinked into the bedroom and climbed onto the wide soft bed. She was ready for the loving caresses that she begged for each night. She looked forward to these nightly expressions of love, so important to a female. As she was caressed, she let out little sounds of delight. Yes, SuZee, our pretty little Siamese cat needed those reassurances that she was loved.
Gotcha!
On Valentine's Day all females, human and otherwise, need to be reassured that they are loved. So, guys, if you haven't gotten something for your loved one yet, you'd better get moving before the stores close.
Many years ago, when finances were tight, my wife and I decided that we would not get anything for each other for Valentine's Day. I went to work, pleased that I did not have to rush around finding something appropriate to the day. However, on that same day, I had to wait outside of a computer room while a job was run. When it was over, I would be able to test a computer program.
As I sat there, I heard two secretaries talking: One said: "My boyfriend and I agreed that we would not get something for each other for Valentine's Day." The other said: "Are you serious? Do you think that he really won't get you anything?" The first lady said: "Well, if the son-of-a-bitch doesn't get me anything, I'll cut his ----- off."
Being an astute student of humankind, I took these comments to heart and after work made sure that I bought an appropriate card and some cheap chocolates. On the next day, my wife presented me with a nice card and was extremely happy that I had gotten her some gifts as well. See.. I'm not as dumb as I look, and I listen to what others have to say.
A certain lady of my acquaintance had the same experience.. she and her husband "agreed" to forego giving gifts on Valentine's Day. On that day, she looked for at least a card from her husband.. but he hadn't gotten the message and replied: "You said we weren't going to give each other anything this year, so I didn't get you anything."
Well, it is now 40 years later, and she hasn't forgiven him yet.. and never will.
Gentlemen, take these words to heart and remember: If mama ain't happen, regardless of what she says in advance, nobody is going to be happy. So, get your butt out there and get her a Valentine's Day card and some nice juicy chocolates before the damn store closes!
...............................................
Gotcha!
On Valentine's Day all females, human and otherwise, need to be reassured that they are loved. So, guys, if you haven't gotten something for your loved one yet, you'd better get moving before the stores close.
Many years ago, when finances were tight, my wife and I decided that we would not get anything for each other for Valentine's Day. I went to work, pleased that I did not have to rush around finding something appropriate to the day. However, on that same day, I had to wait outside of a computer room while a job was run. When it was over, I would be able to test a computer program.
As I sat there, I heard two secretaries talking: One said: "My boyfriend and I agreed that we would not get something for each other for Valentine's Day." The other said: "Are you serious? Do you think that he really won't get you anything?" The first lady said: "Well, if the son-of-a-bitch doesn't get me anything, I'll cut his ----- off."
Being an astute student of humankind, I took these comments to heart and after work made sure that I bought an appropriate card and some cheap chocolates. On the next day, my wife presented me with a nice card and was extremely happy that I had gotten her some gifts as well. See.. I'm not as dumb as I look, and I listen to what others have to say.
A certain lady of my acquaintance had the same experience.. she and her husband "agreed" to forego giving gifts on Valentine's Day. On that day, she looked for at least a card from her husband.. but he hadn't gotten the message and replied: "You said we weren't going to give each other anything this year, so I didn't get you anything."
Well, it is now 40 years later, and she hasn't forgiven him yet.. and never will.
Gentlemen, take these words to heart and remember: If mama ain't happen, regardless of what she says in advance, nobody is going to be happy. So, get your butt out there and get her a Valentine's Day card and some nice juicy chocolates before the damn store closes!
...............................................
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I Love Snow
The poet Shelley (you know, the Blythe Spirit guy) said:
I love snow, and all the forms
Of the radiant frost.
I also love snow, but maybe not so much of it.
When I was in grammar school, I was required to memorize several poems. Unfortunately, I was only able to remember the first few lines of each, try as I might.
(The only feat of memorization that I accomplished was the books of the Bible, when I was in a Baptist Sunday School. However, when it came time to demonstrate my prowess, I got stage-fright and couldn't even start to talk.)
One of the bits of poem that I was able to memorize was from James Russell Lowell's poem:
The First Snow-Fall.
The snow had begun in the gloaming
And busily all the night,
Had been heaping field and highway
With a silence deep and white.
The rest of the poem was kind of sad, so I was not eager to memorize it. This sadness surprized me, because Mr. Lowell was the only one of the famous Massachusetts 19th Century poets who normally did humorous and satirical work.
(By the way, Mr. Lowell was the author of the influential Biglow papers.. the first series of which lambasted the Mexican War.. the second series of which was concerned with the Civil War.)
I was interested in this word "gloaming" = dusk. I found that the word probably was derived from Middle English "gloming", from "glom" meaning "dusk". The words "gloom" and "gloomy" come from these roots.
Remember: "Roaming through the gloaming, with my sweetheart by my side." I think this was a line from a Scottish song popularized by Sir Harry Lauder.
Well, the TV announcer says that Eldersburg, Maryland has now received over 20" of snow today.. on top of the 28" they received a couple of days ago. (That's four feet of snow in one week, folks.. more than at Vancouver for the Winter Olympics.) Eldersburg is about 10 miles away from where we are.. and we probably have received as much as they have.
The 40 mph wind gusts are still heaping drifts around our house.. in addition, a Bobcat with a snow blower keeps going by and blowing snow all over the drifts.
Things like mailboxes and fire hydrants disappeared from sight long ago. The poor birds are flying around looking for food and we have cabin fever, but there is no way we could venture out in this blizzard.
The snow is supposed to stop in three hours, but the winds will keep it drifting until tomorrow morning when the sun will miraculously appear to warm us up a bit and melt all of the icicles.
If I were younger, I would now be out shoveling snow. I loved to do that, especially when I was a teenager. On a day after a big snow storm, I could sometimes make $10 shoveling people out. (Ten dollars was big money when I was a kid.)
Now, I live in a "continuing care community" and they don't advise any of us old dudes to shovel snow. At 3 AM this morning, I heard some Spanish, turned on my porch light, and discovered an older man shoveling my porch. He did a good job, but by 8 AM, we were snowed in again. A group of guys came by around ten AM and shoveled the porch again. The snow quickly piled up again and I guess they gave up because the porch snow is now shoulder-high. Maybe they'll come back in the early morning when the snow and blowing stops.
If I'm lucky, they will shovel out my driveway. However, there will still be six feet of snow on top of my car and I'll have to get that put somewhere. I am still young enough to be able to do physical things, but some of my neighbors are quite elderly. I hope they don't try to shovel anything because a heart is a terrible thing to lose.
..........................................................
I love snow, and all the forms
Of the radiant frost.
I also love snow, but maybe not so much of it.
When I was in grammar school, I was required to memorize several poems. Unfortunately, I was only able to remember the first few lines of each, try as I might.
(The only feat of memorization that I accomplished was the books of the Bible, when I was in a Baptist Sunday School. However, when it came time to demonstrate my prowess, I got stage-fright and couldn't even start to talk.)
One of the bits of poem that I was able to memorize was from James Russell Lowell's poem:
The First Snow-Fall.
The snow had begun in the gloaming
And busily all the night,
Had been heaping field and highway
With a silence deep and white.
The rest of the poem was kind of sad, so I was not eager to memorize it. This sadness surprized me, because Mr. Lowell was the only one of the famous Massachusetts 19th Century poets who normally did humorous and satirical work.
(By the way, Mr. Lowell was the author of the influential Biglow papers.. the first series of which lambasted the Mexican War.. the second series of which was concerned with the Civil War.)
I was interested in this word "gloaming" = dusk. I found that the word probably was derived from Middle English "gloming", from "glom" meaning "dusk". The words "gloom" and "gloomy" come from these roots.
Remember: "Roaming through the gloaming, with my sweetheart by my side." I think this was a line from a Scottish song popularized by Sir Harry Lauder.
Well, the TV announcer says that Eldersburg, Maryland has now received over 20" of snow today.. on top of the 28" they received a couple of days ago. (That's four feet of snow in one week, folks.. more than at Vancouver for the Winter Olympics.) Eldersburg is about 10 miles away from where we are.. and we probably have received as much as they have.
The 40 mph wind gusts are still heaping drifts around our house.. in addition, a Bobcat with a snow blower keeps going by and blowing snow all over the drifts.
Things like mailboxes and fire hydrants disappeared from sight long ago. The poor birds are flying around looking for food and we have cabin fever, but there is no way we could venture out in this blizzard.
The snow is supposed to stop in three hours, but the winds will keep it drifting until tomorrow morning when the sun will miraculously appear to warm us up a bit and melt all of the icicles.
If I were younger, I would now be out shoveling snow. I loved to do that, especially when I was a teenager. On a day after a big snow storm, I could sometimes make $10 shoveling people out. (Ten dollars was big money when I was a kid.)
Now, I live in a "continuing care community" and they don't advise any of us old dudes to shovel snow. At 3 AM this morning, I heard some Spanish, turned on my porch light, and discovered an older man shoveling my porch. He did a good job, but by 8 AM, we were snowed in again. A group of guys came by around ten AM and shoveled the porch again. The snow quickly piled up again and I guess they gave up because the porch snow is now shoulder-high. Maybe they'll come back in the early morning when the snow and blowing stops.
If I'm lucky, they will shovel out my driveway. However, there will still be six feet of snow on top of my car and I'll have to get that put somewhere. I am still young enough to be able to do physical things, but some of my neighbors are quite elderly. I hope they don't try to shovel anything because a heart is a terrible thing to lose.
..........................................................
Friday, February 05, 2010
Random Thoughts for a Snowy Afternoon in Maryland
I just got back from the Giant Supermarket. It was a madhouse! Everybody in Maryland must buy milk, bread and toilet paper before every storm, even if their larder is already stocked. On the radio, it was reported that people in a Columbia, Maryland market were fighting over bread!
We are supposed to get over a foot of snow. This means that everything will stop in this area. Of course, there will still be young folks out there driving as though it were a sunny Spring day. As a former taxi-driver in New England, I lived through quite a few snow storms of very large proportions (once about 48"). We learned early in our driving careers about how to maneuver in slippery, slushy conditions.
How many people remember when one had to put chains on your tires in order to move in the snow? It took only a couple of big snow storms to learn how to quickly apply those metal life-savers. Of course, they usually broke a few blocks away from your goal and you had to "get out and get under" to get them repaired and ready to use again. Some years ago, snow tires were invented and that did away with chains, except in the more northern climes of the U.S.
Now I have to tell my Baltimore snow stories. If you have heard them from me before, just scroll through to the end.
I left Massachusetts in 1960 to come to work for Social Security in Baltimore. Relatives and friends advised us not to take Winter clothes because Maryland was below the Mason-Dixon line and warm all the time. We made our scantily-clad way to Pulaski Highway and holed up at a truckstop motel made of cinder blocks that were not quite matched up on the ends.
This would not have been a problem if the weather was indeed warm. But, instead, it was below freezing, and the wind was blowing snow through the cracks between the cinder blocks. We had never been so cold in our lives.
But, we stuck it out and borrowed enough clothes from co-workers to allow us to be somewhat warm until I got my first paycheck and we could buy some coats and sweaters.
My first Social Security assignment was to get training at the Standard Oil Building in downtown Baltimore. Some might know that it is situated at the side of a very steep hill. While in training, Baltimore was hit with a 6-inch snow storm during the day, and because there was no snow policy at the time, we were required to stay in our training area all day.
We had a lot of fun though, looking out the window overlooking the steep hill. The year before then had been a year with no snow precipitation at all, so the City of Baltimore sold all of their snow removal equipment and the hill remained very slippery with snow. Cars were having a hard time getting up and down. Some local politician got the bright idea that this condition could be fixed by using the hose unit of a fire comany truck.
The truck pulled up to the top of the hill, hooked a hose to a hydrant, and began to pour water down the snow-covered hill. This worked great in removing the snow.. but it wasn't so great when the water froze. I had never seen so many cars ski down that hill. Most of them made it to the bottom without hitting anything.. but some didn't. It was a great show.
Since the 1960's snow has been a regular visitor to the Baltimore area, but still not enough to allow drivers to learn how to maneuver in it. I taught safe driving to seniors for eight years and learned that it is almost impossible to explain how to drive in snow and ice when you are teaching in a classroom environment. One needs "on the job" experience.
In cities like Montreal, Canada, people adapt quite well to Winter weather. I visited there once in February and there was snow everywhere. People were doing cross-country skiing all over the place. Not many cars were being used at all. Besides skis, people were using the excellent subway system and shopping in Montreal's underground city.
During that Montreal trip, I put on an unplanned exhibition for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, but that will have to be the subject of another blog. Meanwhile, I am going to sit here at my kitchen window and watch the snow fall.
......................................................................
We are supposed to get over a foot of snow. This means that everything will stop in this area. Of course, there will still be young folks out there driving as though it were a sunny Spring day. As a former taxi-driver in New England, I lived through quite a few snow storms of very large proportions (once about 48"). We learned early in our driving careers about how to maneuver in slippery, slushy conditions.
How many people remember when one had to put chains on your tires in order to move in the snow? It took only a couple of big snow storms to learn how to quickly apply those metal life-savers. Of course, they usually broke a few blocks away from your goal and you had to "get out and get under" to get them repaired and ready to use again. Some years ago, snow tires were invented and that did away with chains, except in the more northern climes of the U.S.
Now I have to tell my Baltimore snow stories. If you have heard them from me before, just scroll through to the end.
I left Massachusetts in 1960 to come to work for Social Security in Baltimore. Relatives and friends advised us not to take Winter clothes because Maryland was below the Mason-Dixon line and warm all the time. We made our scantily-clad way to Pulaski Highway and holed up at a truckstop motel made of cinder blocks that were not quite matched up on the ends.
This would not have been a problem if the weather was indeed warm. But, instead, it was below freezing, and the wind was blowing snow through the cracks between the cinder blocks. We had never been so cold in our lives.
But, we stuck it out and borrowed enough clothes from co-workers to allow us to be somewhat warm until I got my first paycheck and we could buy some coats and sweaters.
My first Social Security assignment was to get training at the Standard Oil Building in downtown Baltimore. Some might know that it is situated at the side of a very steep hill. While in training, Baltimore was hit with a 6-inch snow storm during the day, and because there was no snow policy at the time, we were required to stay in our training area all day.
We had a lot of fun though, looking out the window overlooking the steep hill. The year before then had been a year with no snow precipitation at all, so the City of Baltimore sold all of their snow removal equipment and the hill remained very slippery with snow. Cars were having a hard time getting up and down. Some local politician got the bright idea that this condition could be fixed by using the hose unit of a fire comany truck.
The truck pulled up to the top of the hill, hooked a hose to a hydrant, and began to pour water down the snow-covered hill. This worked great in removing the snow.. but it wasn't so great when the water froze. I had never seen so many cars ski down that hill. Most of them made it to the bottom without hitting anything.. but some didn't. It was a great show.
Since the 1960's snow has been a regular visitor to the Baltimore area, but still not enough to allow drivers to learn how to maneuver in it. I taught safe driving to seniors for eight years and learned that it is almost impossible to explain how to drive in snow and ice when you are teaching in a classroom environment. One needs "on the job" experience.
In cities like Montreal, Canada, people adapt quite well to Winter weather. I visited there once in February and there was snow everywhere. People were doing cross-country skiing all over the place. Not many cars were being used at all. Besides skis, people were using the excellent subway system and shopping in Montreal's underground city.
During that Montreal trip, I put on an unplanned exhibition for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, but that will have to be the subject of another blog. Meanwhile, I am going to sit here at my kitchen window and watch the snow fall.
......................................................................
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
A Fairy Tale
Several people have sent me this fairy tale via email. It has to be a fairy tale because it is simply too amazing to be true.. but, of course, we live in a time of amazing stories. Here goes:
Immediately after the shooting at the military base in Oregon, the armed guard at the fort hospital was surprised to see the President arive alone in a car he was driving. After the startled guard recognized and allowed the President to enter the facility, the President met with the wounded people and paid his respects to the fallen.
Wow.. what a story... a President who cares enough to come to the base and pay his respects. But wait, who was that President? Why it was George W. Bush! President Obama didn't show up until a few days later.. shame on him.
Now.. that's a great story, that shows us what a kind and thoughtful person President Bush is and how thoughtless President Obama is. And isn't it amazing that:
President Bush drove 2,000 miles alone, in his own car to reach the base.
President Bush somehow convinced the Secret Service men who are assigned to every retired President 24/7 that they should allow him to drive unaccompanied all that distance.
Where were the newspaper reporters? Where was Laura? What about his staff?
Where did the President stay over night? Did he drive all the way through without stopping? Did he sleep in the car? Did he have a change of clothes? A toothbrush?
Why didn't anybody recognize him when he stopped to eat lunch or to pee?
Perhaps he parachuted in and rented a car in town.
Perhaps it was a George W. Bush look-alike. Some of these guys are "dead ringers" for Mr. Bush. Why didn't that guard ask for identification? What were his orders about letting unauthorized people onto the grounds?
Suppose it was a terrorist in Bush disguise.
I didn't know that Carl Rove was back in business.
Enough!
Some folks will make up any story to discredit President Obama, by making it sound like he doesn't care. As an Independent, I try to see what both parties are about and I know that "dirty tricks" are not confined to just one Party; however, to try to make up stories in an attempt to cause a President of the United States to fail, is disreputable, in my opinion. Even those who thought that President Bush was ill suited to the job, did not want him to fail. Methinks I detect some racist tendencies here.. I hope I am wrong.
........................................
Immediately after the shooting at the military base in Oregon, the armed guard at the fort hospital was surprised to see the President arive alone in a car he was driving. After the startled guard recognized and allowed the President to enter the facility, the President met with the wounded people and paid his respects to the fallen.
Wow.. what a story... a President who cares enough to come to the base and pay his respects. But wait, who was that President? Why it was George W. Bush! President Obama didn't show up until a few days later.. shame on him.
Now.. that's a great story, that shows us what a kind and thoughtful person President Bush is and how thoughtless President Obama is. And isn't it amazing that:
President Bush drove 2,000 miles alone, in his own car to reach the base.
President Bush somehow convinced the Secret Service men who are assigned to every retired President 24/7 that they should allow him to drive unaccompanied all that distance.
Where were the newspaper reporters? Where was Laura? What about his staff?
Where did the President stay over night? Did he drive all the way through without stopping? Did he sleep in the car? Did he have a change of clothes? A toothbrush?
Why didn't anybody recognize him when he stopped to eat lunch or to pee?
Perhaps he parachuted in and rented a car in town.
Perhaps it was a George W. Bush look-alike. Some of these guys are "dead ringers" for Mr. Bush. Why didn't that guard ask for identification? What were his orders about letting unauthorized people onto the grounds?
Suppose it was a terrorist in Bush disguise.
I didn't know that Carl Rove was back in business.
Enough!
Some folks will make up any story to discredit President Obama, by making it sound like he doesn't care. As an Independent, I try to see what both parties are about and I know that "dirty tricks" are not confined to just one Party; however, to try to make up stories in an attempt to cause a President of the United States to fail, is disreputable, in my opinion. Even those who thought that President Bush was ill suited to the job, did not want him to fail. Methinks I detect some racist tendencies here.. I hope I am wrong.
........................................
Monday, February 01, 2010
Love Stuff
As a tribute to the up-coming Valentine's Day, the Nation magazine has published a critique by Miriam Markowitz on a book by Cristina Nehring titled: A Vindication of Love (Reclaiming Romance for the Twenty-First Century.)
You've heard of a "Chick Flick".. well this sounds to me as though the book is a "Chick Book".. I recommend that you read the review, think about what it covers, then maybe buy and read the book itself, because it sounds good. (I might buy it and I'm not even a "chick") Besides, who is not "in love" with "love" and doesn't want to learn more about it?
Some "love" books that are mentioned by the reviewer, (and also recommended by that "love expert" me) and which are supposedly mentioned in the subject book are:
Plato's Symposium.
Ovid's Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love.). advertised for years in the back pages of comic books and detective magazines.. to be sent for by adolescent boys just trying to discover what "love" or maybe "lust" is all about. (Want to borrow my copy?)
Diane of the Crossways by George Meredith (18th century).
A Vindication of the Rights of a Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft.
The Allegory of Love by C.S. Lewis. (A theory of the invention of courtly love.)
The End of the Novel of Love (1997) by Vivian Gornich. (Love in full bloom in the Bronx of World War II.)
When did romantic love begin anyway? Adam and Eve? King Arthur's Court? Stratford upon Avon? The Galapagos Islands? Woodstock?
If it wasn't for "love" where would the music industry be?
"I'm in the mood for love"
"Love makes the world go round."
"Love me or leave me"
"Be my love"
"Love me tender"
"I'm not at all in love"
"I'm in love with a wonderful (guy/gal)"
"L O V E, love"
etc., etc., etc., etc.
I love "love", don't you? Happy Valentine's Day!
................................
You've heard of a "Chick Flick".. well this sounds to me as though the book is a "Chick Book".. I recommend that you read the review, think about what it covers, then maybe buy and read the book itself, because it sounds good. (I might buy it and I'm not even a "chick") Besides, who is not "in love" with "love" and doesn't want to learn more about it?
Some "love" books that are mentioned by the reviewer, (and also recommended by that "love expert" me) and which are supposedly mentioned in the subject book are:
Plato's Symposium.
Ovid's Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love.). advertised for years in the back pages of comic books and detective magazines.. to be sent for by adolescent boys just trying to discover what "love" or maybe "lust" is all about. (Want to borrow my copy?)
Diane of the Crossways by George Meredith (18th century).
A Vindication of the Rights of a Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft.
The Allegory of Love by C.S. Lewis. (A theory of the invention of courtly love.)
The End of the Novel of Love (1997) by Vivian Gornich. (Love in full bloom in the Bronx of World War II.)
When did romantic love begin anyway? Adam and Eve? King Arthur's Court? Stratford upon Avon? The Galapagos Islands? Woodstock?
If it wasn't for "love" where would the music industry be?
"I'm in the mood for love"
"Love makes the world go round."
"Love me or leave me"
"Be my love"
"Love me tender"
"I'm not at all in love"
"I'm in love with a wonderful (guy/gal)"
"L O V E, love"
etc., etc., etc., etc.
I love "love", don't you? Happy Valentine's Day!
................................
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Weekly Dozen @ Jan 30, 2010
Today, I am going to talk about some news items, but also some other things that my ancient brain thinks about a lot.
01. SNAP,CRACKLE,POP: This is the fiftieth anniversary of bubble wrap. What did we do without it before?
02. MARMITE: I have always heard that British people love to spread marmite on their bread. However, I have also heard that it is nasty. I had to try it myself. This morning I did. YES! It is nasty! I am trying everything I can think of to get rid of the taste in my mouth.
As a yeast product, I'm sure this product is good for you.. but apparently it requires a lot of getting used to. I'm sorry.. I'm too old to take the time to aquire a taste for it. I will stick to jam or jelly on my toast in the morning.
03. FEBRUARY 2ND: Animal rights folks feel that Punxatawny Phil should be replaced by a fake groundhog.
04. SPECIAL LICENSE PLATES FOR REPEAT DRUNK DRIVERS: A Maryland State Delegate has proposed a special plate for repeat drunk drivers. It would be bright yellow and would have the first three letters of the plate showing DUI. Some other states have the procedure in place already; for instance, Ohio and Minnesota, where cars with such special plates are avoided by other drivers. Begging some questions:
Why not expand this to include convicted felons, child molesters, and deadbeats?
What about innocent family members who have to ride in cars with such tags?
Have the delegates read The Scarlet Letter?
05. UNCONSUMATED DIVORCE: Under current Maryland law, a couple must live apart for one year before an uncontested divorce can be granted. A Maryland lawmaker wants to change that to require that a couple not have sex for one year instead. (What would Governor Marvin Mandel say about that?)
06. STRIP-SEARCHING: Last year, Maryland Senators held a hearing where women who said that they had been victimized by strip-searching were to testify. None of them showed up because of embarassment. Senators still passed an anti-strip-search bill, but it was killed in a House committee. A similar bill will be pushed again this year and it is expected that at least one woman will testify. Questions:
Will the bill address the following situation? A while ago, a judge found that Baltimore County police acted unreasonably when they searched the buttock cheeks of a suspected drug dealer in a car wash.
Should the police be given "see-through" equipment like they now have at airports?
07. ART NEWS: Somebody tripped and put a hand through a painting by Picasso. Curators are now in a quandary about how to tell what is damage and what is art.
I visited a Picasso exhibition in 1955 in Cologne, Germany, where I could have bought Picasso prints for a very cheap price. Unfortunately, I could only afford to pay for a colorful book outlining all of the works on display.. which probably still would be worth a lot on EBAY (why would I want to put a price on art?)
Also, in London, an artist's modernistic work consisting of filled ashtrays, bottles and plastic cups was swept up and disposed of by a custodian. (In this case, I think he did the right thing.)
08. IPAD: Steve Jobs introduced the new IPAD with the unfortunate name, and the catch phrase: Hold the Internet in your hands. Someone said that the IPAD looks like an IPHONE for the elderly.
I visited the local Verizon store and told a salesman that I was thinking of switching to an IPHONE and could he persuade me to buy a DROID instead. He told me that under the terms of my current agreement, if I purchase the DROID right now, it will cost me $600, but if I wait until May, I will be able to pay only $150. Now, what would you do?
09. YOUNG HUNTERS: Recently, newspapers have been publishing pictures of young hunters standing next to their "kills", some as young as nine years old.
Question:
Would you want to be walking through woods where a nine-year-old is busy stalking Bambi?
I can see a need to cull deer populations, and I think that the meat that is not needed should be donated to the poor. However, I think that the hunters of such deer should be at least 25 years old, when their medula oblongatas have matured enough so that they can tell the difference between a young child in a bright red coat and an 8-point buck.
When I was 16 years old, two of my buddies asked me to accompany them on a raccoon hunting trip. I did not own a rifle and wasn't sure I wanted to hunt anyway, so I declined. During the hunting trip, one of my 16 year-old friends accidently shot and killed my other 16 year-old friend. That cinched it for me. No hunting.
I understand that the city of Fairfield, Connecticut has opened all of their parks to hunters. Watch your children, mama.
I've mentioned before that my brother-in-law is a bear hunter. Each year, he travels from Massachusetts to Maine to take care of his bear bait trap near the bottom of the tree where he has erected a platform from which to shoot a bear. After he feels that bears have gotten used to eating the bait, he climbs up the tree with his rifle, and waits for a good shot.
I asked him: But aren't bears good tree climbers? Suppose you miss your shot.
He replied: If you miss, it might be the last shot you will ever make, because that bear can make it up that tree to your spot in just a few seconds.
So, this "bears" out the old phrase: Sometimes you get the bear; sometimes the bear gets you.
10. BIBLICAL REFERENCE: Speaking of hunting, those who do cryptic-type crossword puzzles might enjoy this clue in a 1963 puzzle by Frank W. Lewis in The Nation magazine:
Salome wasn't the type Hemingway might have hired!
The answer: head bearer.
If you want to know more about cryptic puzzles or this clue in particular, let me know.
11. REPUBLICAN MATCHMAKERS?: The new Republican Senator for Massachusetts has daughters and the new Republican Governor of Virginia has twin sons. Both mentioned their progeny in recent speeches.
12. REPTILE INTELLIGENCE: London zookeepers say that they have taught some crocodiles to recognize their names. (Remember the song: Never smile at a crocodile...")
Bonus:
Important things to think about: TEETH AND JAIL:
Prisoners in certain jails will no longer be able to play "Dungeons and Dragons" in their cells and Massachusetts daycare providers will be required to brush their charges' teeth each day.
Suppose that jailers had to brush the teeth of their prisoners each day. This may seem silly, but there is a big problem with the cost of caring for prisoners' teeth..
probably most prisoners are the type of people who don't take care of their teeth and then when the damn things rot, the State has to pay a lot of money to a dentist to pull them..
I have it on good authority that dentists have to triple-glove to avoid getting HIV from mouth blood...and that means that not many dentists are willing to get involved with prisons.
On that note, I will bid you adieu, mes amis.
..................................................
01. SNAP,CRACKLE,POP: This is the fiftieth anniversary of bubble wrap. What did we do without it before?
02. MARMITE: I have always heard that British people love to spread marmite on their bread. However, I have also heard that it is nasty. I had to try it myself. This morning I did. YES! It is nasty! I am trying everything I can think of to get rid of the taste in my mouth.
As a yeast product, I'm sure this product is good for you.. but apparently it requires a lot of getting used to. I'm sorry.. I'm too old to take the time to aquire a taste for it. I will stick to jam or jelly on my toast in the morning.
03. FEBRUARY 2ND: Animal rights folks feel that Punxatawny Phil should be replaced by a fake groundhog.
04. SPECIAL LICENSE PLATES FOR REPEAT DRUNK DRIVERS: A Maryland State Delegate has proposed a special plate for repeat drunk drivers. It would be bright yellow and would have the first three letters of the plate showing DUI. Some other states have the procedure in place already; for instance, Ohio and Minnesota, where cars with such special plates are avoided by other drivers. Begging some questions:
Why not expand this to include convicted felons, child molesters, and deadbeats?
What about innocent family members who have to ride in cars with such tags?
Have the delegates read The Scarlet Letter?
05. UNCONSUMATED DIVORCE: Under current Maryland law, a couple must live apart for one year before an uncontested divorce can be granted. A Maryland lawmaker wants to change that to require that a couple not have sex for one year instead. (What would Governor Marvin Mandel say about that?)
06. STRIP-SEARCHING: Last year, Maryland Senators held a hearing where women who said that they had been victimized by strip-searching were to testify. None of them showed up because of embarassment. Senators still passed an anti-strip-search bill, but it was killed in a House committee. A similar bill will be pushed again this year and it is expected that at least one woman will testify. Questions:
Will the bill address the following situation? A while ago, a judge found that Baltimore County police acted unreasonably when they searched the buttock cheeks of a suspected drug dealer in a car wash.
Should the police be given "see-through" equipment like they now have at airports?
07. ART NEWS: Somebody tripped and put a hand through a painting by Picasso. Curators are now in a quandary about how to tell what is damage and what is art.
I visited a Picasso exhibition in 1955 in Cologne, Germany, where I could have bought Picasso prints for a very cheap price. Unfortunately, I could only afford to pay for a colorful book outlining all of the works on display.. which probably still would be worth a lot on EBAY (why would I want to put a price on art?)
Also, in London, an artist's modernistic work consisting of filled ashtrays, bottles and plastic cups was swept up and disposed of by a custodian. (In this case, I think he did the right thing.)
08. IPAD: Steve Jobs introduced the new IPAD with the unfortunate name, and the catch phrase: Hold the Internet in your hands. Someone said that the IPAD looks like an IPHONE for the elderly.
I visited the local Verizon store and told a salesman that I was thinking of switching to an IPHONE and could he persuade me to buy a DROID instead. He told me that under the terms of my current agreement, if I purchase the DROID right now, it will cost me $600, but if I wait until May, I will be able to pay only $150. Now, what would you do?
09. YOUNG HUNTERS: Recently, newspapers have been publishing pictures of young hunters standing next to their "kills", some as young as nine years old.
Question:
Would you want to be walking through woods where a nine-year-old is busy stalking Bambi?
I can see a need to cull deer populations, and I think that the meat that is not needed should be donated to the poor. However, I think that the hunters of such deer should be at least 25 years old, when their medula oblongatas have matured enough so that they can tell the difference between a young child in a bright red coat and an 8-point buck.
When I was 16 years old, two of my buddies asked me to accompany them on a raccoon hunting trip. I did not own a rifle and wasn't sure I wanted to hunt anyway, so I declined. During the hunting trip, one of my 16 year-old friends accidently shot and killed my other 16 year-old friend. That cinched it for me. No hunting.
I understand that the city of Fairfield, Connecticut has opened all of their parks to hunters. Watch your children, mama.
I've mentioned before that my brother-in-law is a bear hunter. Each year, he travels from Massachusetts to Maine to take care of his bear bait trap near the bottom of the tree where he has erected a platform from which to shoot a bear. After he feels that bears have gotten used to eating the bait, he climbs up the tree with his rifle, and waits for a good shot.
I asked him: But aren't bears good tree climbers? Suppose you miss your shot.
He replied: If you miss, it might be the last shot you will ever make, because that bear can make it up that tree to your spot in just a few seconds.
So, this "bears" out the old phrase: Sometimes you get the bear; sometimes the bear gets you.
10. BIBLICAL REFERENCE: Speaking of hunting, those who do cryptic-type crossword puzzles might enjoy this clue in a 1963 puzzle by Frank W. Lewis in The Nation magazine:
Salome wasn't the type Hemingway might have hired!
The answer: head bearer.
If you want to know more about cryptic puzzles or this clue in particular, let me know.
11. REPUBLICAN MATCHMAKERS?: The new Republican Senator for Massachusetts has daughters and the new Republican Governor of Virginia has twin sons. Both mentioned their progeny in recent speeches.
12. REPTILE INTELLIGENCE: London zookeepers say that they have taught some crocodiles to recognize their names. (Remember the song: Never smile at a crocodile...")
Bonus:
Important things to think about: TEETH AND JAIL:
Prisoners in certain jails will no longer be able to play "Dungeons and Dragons" in their cells and Massachusetts daycare providers will be required to brush their charges' teeth each day.
Suppose that jailers had to brush the teeth of their prisoners each day. This may seem silly, but there is a big problem with the cost of caring for prisoners' teeth..
probably most prisoners are the type of people who don't take care of their teeth and then when the damn things rot, the State has to pay a lot of money to a dentist to pull them..
I have it on good authority that dentists have to triple-glove to avoid getting HIV from mouth blood...and that means that not many dentists are willing to get involved with prisons.
On that note, I will bid you adieu, mes amis.
..................................................
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Weekly Dozen News Items for Jan 23, 2010
I can never vouch for the accuracy or truthfulness of the items I mention, but the last amazing item (#13) today seems to be completely true, except for the comment attached.
01. Hammacher-Schlemmer has marketed a bug vacuum stick. A cordless device for sucking up little creatures. I wonder why this hadn't been thought of before?
02. A guy with the kind-of familiar Maryland name of Glen Bell just died. It was interesting to note that he founded the restaurant with the name of Taco Bell. (Old joke: Karnak's Answer-Question: What is the name of the Mexican telephone company?)
By the way: why doesn't some enterprising person start up an 11:30 pm nightly show with videos of old Johnny Carson shows? I'll bet it would get fantastic ratings.. at least with the "over 60" crowd.
03. Attendees at a Weight Watchers meeting in Sweden were surprised when the floor collapsed. Luckily, no one was hurt and they continued with their "weigh-in".
04. Fred Friendly hinted that Senators at first called Harry Truman "the Pendergast Senator" (after the influence of Kansas City Missouri boss, Tom Pendergast). (Now, after the Supreme Court ruling the other day.. we may live to see "The Exxon Senator" or the "WalMart President.)
05. Pat Robertson recently mentioned that Haitian leaders once called upon Satan to help them get rid of the French, and hinted that this is why they had the earthquake. I read that he is right about the leaders invoking Satan.. however, his "it's your own fault" attitude bothers me, as well as his assurance that he can do anything through prayer.
I seem to remember that when a hurricane was about to hit an east-coast town, he prayed long and hard that it would not hit that town.. it swerved at the last minute and the town was saved.. he took credit for saving the town through prayer and saving lives...however, the next town over was hit by the hurricane instead... What about them?
06. Kind of related: Rifles with coded Christian Bible verses on their sights have recently been provided to U.S. Soldiers serving in Arab countries. The Pentagon has now asked the company to stop the practise and provide a means to remove the words on the rifles that have already been received. Supposedly, Moslems learned about the verses and it gave more fuel to the thinking that Christianity is out to destroy them.
07. Watch out! A subway rider in the Queens is taking pictures of people picking their noses and is posting them to the web.
08. Susan Boyle was heard shouting obscenities while singing into a mop... or so it was said by a probably unreliable source.
09. During a Google study of 7-year olds using the Internet, they were asked: "What day of the week will the Vice President's next birthday fall on?" Some kids didn't get further than looking at the "squarepants" site.. but some that did use a search engine, quit after seeing the first page of results. It was noted that boys quit their searches earlier than girls.
10. A British math expert has come up with a formula for making parallel parking easy: Items in the formula that must be considered:
a. The radius of the car's turning circle.
b. The car's wheel base.
c. The distance from the front wheel to the back bumper.
d. The width of the car that is on the right.
11. In a Great Britain department store, you can have access to a gift registry for couples that are getting divorced.
12. Remember the burglar who stole a king-size bed? Well, another burglar last week broke into a house, piled up what he wanted, and then, before he left, fried up a mass of chicken, poured some beer and watched TV for a while.
Bonus
13. The item I mentioned at the start:
At a Holiday Inn in England, a notorious place for cold clammy sheets, a staff person will be assigned to come up to your room before you turn in and "warm up your bed" by laying between the sheets and rolling around for a while!
(Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me suggested that being a "giant British bed warmer" might be a good job for an unemployed Conan O'Brien.)
......................................................................
01. Hammacher-Schlemmer has marketed a bug vacuum stick. A cordless device for sucking up little creatures. I wonder why this hadn't been thought of before?
02. A guy with the kind-of familiar Maryland name of Glen Bell just died. It was interesting to note that he founded the restaurant with the name of Taco Bell. (Old joke: Karnak's Answer-Question: What is the name of the Mexican telephone company?)
By the way: why doesn't some enterprising person start up an 11:30 pm nightly show with videos of old Johnny Carson shows? I'll bet it would get fantastic ratings.. at least with the "over 60" crowd.
03. Attendees at a Weight Watchers meeting in Sweden were surprised when the floor collapsed. Luckily, no one was hurt and they continued with their "weigh-in".
04. Fred Friendly hinted that Senators at first called Harry Truman "the Pendergast Senator" (after the influence of Kansas City Missouri boss, Tom Pendergast). (Now, after the Supreme Court ruling the other day.. we may live to see "The Exxon Senator" or the "WalMart President.)
05. Pat Robertson recently mentioned that Haitian leaders once called upon Satan to help them get rid of the French, and hinted that this is why they had the earthquake. I read that he is right about the leaders invoking Satan.. however, his "it's your own fault" attitude bothers me, as well as his assurance that he can do anything through prayer.
I seem to remember that when a hurricane was about to hit an east-coast town, he prayed long and hard that it would not hit that town.. it swerved at the last minute and the town was saved.. he took credit for saving the town through prayer and saving lives...however, the next town over was hit by the hurricane instead... What about them?
06. Kind of related: Rifles with coded Christian Bible verses on their sights have recently been provided to U.S. Soldiers serving in Arab countries. The Pentagon has now asked the company to stop the practise and provide a means to remove the words on the rifles that have already been received. Supposedly, Moslems learned about the verses and it gave more fuel to the thinking that Christianity is out to destroy them.
07. Watch out! A subway rider in the Queens is taking pictures of people picking their noses and is posting them to the web.
08. Susan Boyle was heard shouting obscenities while singing into a mop... or so it was said by a probably unreliable source.
09. During a Google study of 7-year olds using the Internet, they were asked: "What day of the week will the Vice President's next birthday fall on?" Some kids didn't get further than looking at the "squarepants" site.. but some that did use a search engine, quit after seeing the first page of results. It was noted that boys quit their searches earlier than girls.
10. A British math expert has come up with a formula for making parallel parking easy: Items in the formula that must be considered:
a. The radius of the car's turning circle.
b. The car's wheel base.
c. The distance from the front wheel to the back bumper.
d. The width of the car that is on the right.
11. In a Great Britain department store, you can have access to a gift registry for couples that are getting divorced.
12. Remember the burglar who stole a king-size bed? Well, another burglar last week broke into a house, piled up what he wanted, and then, before he left, fried up a mass of chicken, poured some beer and watched TV for a while.
Bonus
13. The item I mentioned at the start:
At a Holiday Inn in England, a notorious place for cold clammy sheets, a staff person will be assigned to come up to your room before you turn in and "warm up your bed" by laying between the sheets and rolling around for a while!
(Someone on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me suggested that being a "giant British bed warmer" might be a good job for an unemployed Conan O'Brien.)
......................................................................
Thursday, January 21, 2010
A Solution has been Found
I couldn't wait to talk about the wonderful sales catalog that appeared in my mail box today. It's from the Duluth Trading Company (www.DuluthTrading.com) and strangely, it is from Wisconsin, not Minnesota. This is the one catalog that every man must have.
I'll save the greatest and most creative product for the end. Meanwhile, here are a few of the "can't live without 'em" items:
01. A flask that holds 8 ounces of your favorite booze and fits in any pocket.
02. "Abe Lincoln's Cane" for old dudes like me.
03. "FDR's Summer Hat" for old dudes like me.
04. "Ogallala Bay Rum" smells like the way old dudes like me remember it from those old fashioned barber shops.. you know, the ones where women were not allowed, and where you could hardly see anything because of the cigar smoke.. and where there was only one style of haircut that you could get.
05. Powder to cure "Monkey butt."
06. Toothpick holders.
07. Lock picks. (If you had one, could you get arrested for holding a burglary tool? They work good, but so does a bent paper clip, if you know what you are doing.)
08. Smugglers' belts.
09. Side clip suspenders. Quote: "Best invention since the tea bag!"
10. "Buck Naked" (TM) underwear. Quote:"... almost as comfortable as your birthday suit (no sweat, no stink, no pinch)"
11. Quote: "Ballroom Jeans with 'crouchability'."
12. Quote: "Screw Faster! Magnetic Bit Holder means faster one-handed driving."
13. Newsboy caps.
And finally the greatest clothing invention ever: the "Longtail T ... Solution to Plumber's Butt!" This shirt has an extra 3" of shirt length, so that housewives will no longer be shocked by a sight nobody should be subjected to.
I had so much fun reading through this catalog that I will have to buy something. Unfortunately, if I wore the Longtail T, I would probably look like I was wearing a dress. Maybe I'll get a smuggler's belt to hold all my money and a newsboy cap like a wore when I sold newspapers during the "Great Depression".
Extree! Extree! Read all about it! .. Visit the website and have some fun.
..................................................................
I'll save the greatest and most creative product for the end. Meanwhile, here are a few of the "can't live without 'em" items:
01. A flask that holds 8 ounces of your favorite booze and fits in any pocket.
02. "Abe Lincoln's Cane" for old dudes like me.
03. "FDR's Summer Hat" for old dudes like me.
04. "Ogallala Bay Rum" smells like the way old dudes like me remember it from those old fashioned barber shops.. you know, the ones where women were not allowed, and where you could hardly see anything because of the cigar smoke.. and where there was only one style of haircut that you could get.
05. Powder to cure "Monkey butt."
06. Toothpick holders.
07. Lock picks. (If you had one, could you get arrested for holding a burglary tool? They work good, but so does a bent paper clip, if you know what you are doing.)
08. Smugglers' belts.
09. Side clip suspenders. Quote: "Best invention since the tea bag!"
10. "Buck Naked" (TM) underwear. Quote:"... almost as comfortable as your birthday suit (no sweat, no stink, no pinch)"
11. Quote: "Ballroom Jeans with 'crouchability'."
12. Quote: "Screw Faster! Magnetic Bit Holder means faster one-handed driving."
13. Newsboy caps.
And finally the greatest clothing invention ever: the "Longtail T ... Solution to Plumber's Butt!" This shirt has an extra 3" of shirt length, so that housewives will no longer be shocked by a sight nobody should be subjected to.
I had so much fun reading through this catalog that I will have to buy something. Unfortunately, if I wore the Longtail T, I would probably look like I was wearing a dress. Maybe I'll get a smuggler's belt to hold all my money and a newsboy cap like a wore when I sold newspapers during the "Great Depression".
Extree! Extree! Read all about it! .. Visit the website and have some fun.
..................................................................
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
News from January 20, 2010.
I want to mention some news items that intrigue me and then I want to say something about the big event in my old home state, Massachusetts.
01. During a burglary in White Marsh, Maryland, a king-size bed was stolen! (Just think about that.)
02. Because of protests by Animal Rights groups, Austrians stopped an avalanche experiment, in which pigs were buried in snow and watched to see if they were able to survive.
03. The Baltimore Department of Recreation was burgled. The stolen items were: 30 football helmets and 80 pairs of football pants. (How can you get mad at a football fan?)
04. The wonderful USNS Comfort hospital ship (out of Baltimore) is amazing, but a diagram of the ship shows that the morgue is situated right next to the lounge and just over the cafeteria. (Doesn't that sound a bit strange to you?)
05. If you get the chance, check out the wisdom contained in Garrison Keillor's column for today in the Baltimore Sun. It's title is: Despite all the screaming, common sense will prevail. Garrison says: "Should health care be a basic right, or is it a privilege for those who can afford it?"
06. Calvin Trillin wrote a poem in the latest Nation magazine about the world's tallest building. Check it out. The last two lines go:
Dubai, though I so hate to pry,
Why build a building quite that high?
07. Finally, for those who feel that Massachusetts Independents were crazy for voting for a Republican who could torpedo Health Reform.. didn't you know that Massachusetts already has mandatory health care..so why would that be an issue to them? Besides, the democratic candidate didn't know her Boston sports trivia.. bad news for anyone in Beantown.
...........................................................
01. During a burglary in White Marsh, Maryland, a king-size bed was stolen! (Just think about that.)
02. Because of protests by Animal Rights groups, Austrians stopped an avalanche experiment, in which pigs were buried in snow and watched to see if they were able to survive.
03. The Baltimore Department of Recreation was burgled. The stolen items were: 30 football helmets and 80 pairs of football pants. (How can you get mad at a football fan?)
04. The wonderful USNS Comfort hospital ship (out of Baltimore) is amazing, but a diagram of the ship shows that the morgue is situated right next to the lounge and just over the cafeteria. (Doesn't that sound a bit strange to you?)
05. If you get the chance, check out the wisdom contained in Garrison Keillor's column for today in the Baltimore Sun. It's title is: Despite all the screaming, common sense will prevail. Garrison says: "Should health care be a basic right, or is it a privilege for those who can afford it?"
06. Calvin Trillin wrote a poem in the latest Nation magazine about the world's tallest building. Check it out. The last two lines go:
Dubai, though I so hate to pry,
Why build a building quite that high?
07. Finally, for those who feel that Massachusetts Independents were crazy for voting for a Republican who could torpedo Health Reform.. didn't you know that Massachusetts already has mandatory health care..so why would that be an issue to them? Besides, the democratic candidate didn't know her Boston sports trivia.. bad news for anyone in Beantown.
...........................................................
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Weekly Dozen 01/15/2010
Even though we are overwhelmed with sadness over the loss of life in Haiti and are doing what we can to alleviate the suffering there, we still need a slight break to think about some humorous (perhaps) or at least weird things that could be learned this week from various news sources. Let's see if I can come up with one dozen.
(Incidentally, I will be interviewed by a newspaper reporter shortly about this blog and others that I write. .. actually, everything I do since I lost 3 or 4 inches in height is done "shortly".)
01. It has been determined that hamsters who imbibe alcohol suffer hangovers the next morning. (It might be better to feed them marijuana instead...?)
02. Analyst Jose Grenado has written about some things that we have suspected for a while:
a. Googling sharpens the mind. (What about FB and Twitter?)
b. Swearing helps you alleviate pain. (What did I tell you, Elaine)
c. Doodling while in a meeting helps you keep up your interest in what is being said.
03. Water has been found on the moon. (What about the cheese that my nursery rhymes talked about?)
04. Andre the Giant once drank 106 beers in a six hour period.
05. Sarah Palin was asked once more which "founding father" was her favorite. Once again she answered: "All of them."
06. An 8-year old cub scout who travels frequently by plane, has been frisked every time since he was 2 years old. Apparently, his name matches one on the security risk list.
07. Nevada now allows male prostitution. (At least, they have made it legal.)
08. A tall cross is about to be built for a Florida church by a communications company. It will double as a cell phone tower.
09. There is a fight for the Massachusetts Senate seat of the late Ted Kennedy. Scott Brown, one of the candidates once posed naked as a Cosmopolitan centerfold, at least that was what I heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, and they have never lied to me before.
10. The clever Dutch have created meat using cells from a live pig.
11. A British man solved the Rubik's Cube after 26 years of trying. (When they first came out, I handed one to my son to look at. He handed it back to me in 5 minutes, solved. He's got good genes!)
12. A Polish woman is suing a hotel for causing her daughter to get pregnant while swimming in their pool. She is blaming the pregnancy on stray sperm floating in the water.
Please remember that I do not vouch for any of the items above.. I'm sure some of them are true. For more information, you can "google".. and "googling" helps your brain, as Jose G. says.
..........................................................
(Incidentally, I will be interviewed by a newspaper reporter shortly about this blog and others that I write. .. actually, everything I do since I lost 3 or 4 inches in height is done "shortly".)
01. It has been determined that hamsters who imbibe alcohol suffer hangovers the next morning. (It might be better to feed them marijuana instead...?)
02. Analyst Jose Grenado has written about some things that we have suspected for a while:
a. Googling sharpens the mind. (What about FB and Twitter?)
b. Swearing helps you alleviate pain. (What did I tell you, Elaine)
c. Doodling while in a meeting helps you keep up your interest in what is being said.
03. Water has been found on the moon. (What about the cheese that my nursery rhymes talked about?)
04. Andre the Giant once drank 106 beers in a six hour period.
05. Sarah Palin was asked once more which "founding father" was her favorite. Once again she answered: "All of them."
06. An 8-year old cub scout who travels frequently by plane, has been frisked every time since he was 2 years old. Apparently, his name matches one on the security risk list.
07. Nevada now allows male prostitution. (At least, they have made it legal.)
08. A tall cross is about to be built for a Florida church by a communications company. It will double as a cell phone tower.
09. There is a fight for the Massachusetts Senate seat of the late Ted Kennedy. Scott Brown, one of the candidates once posed naked as a Cosmopolitan centerfold, at least that was what I heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, and they have never lied to me before.
10. The clever Dutch have created meat using cells from a live pig.
11. A British man solved the Rubik's Cube after 26 years of trying. (When they first came out, I handed one to my son to look at. He handed it back to me in 5 minutes, solved. He's got good genes!)
12. A Polish woman is suing a hotel for causing her daughter to get pregnant while swimming in their pool. She is blaming the pregnancy on stray sperm floating in the water.
Please remember that I do not vouch for any of the items above.. I'm sure some of them are true. For more information, you can "google".. and "googling" helps your brain, as Jose G. says.
..........................................................
Monday, January 11, 2010
How to Understand a Woman
I was listening to a Gunsmoke radio episode from 1960 last night and noted the following exchange.
Chester: "Mr. Dillon, why is Miss Kitty so grouchy tonight? I just don't understand her sometimes."
Marshal Dillon: "Chester, save yourself some grief. Don't try to understand what a woman is thinking."
(The episode was written by a woman.)
Also, yesterday, Elaine showed me a piece of a comic strip that showed a girl complaining about her boyfriend's necktie, over and over as he tried on several. She finally said she liked the last one he tried on.. which was actually the first one he had on. He told her that he didn't understand. She told him not to worry about it and gave him a kiss.
I think that Ovid said this many years ago: "There are five facts that a man must know to be able to understand a woman.. unfortunately, no man knows any of them yet.".. or words to that effect. And Ovid was an expert on LOVE.
Elaine is watching the "Bachelor" show on TV and the women there appear to me to be complete airheads. If I had never heard of the show before and suddenly found it on TV and watched a bit of it, I would guess that it was filmed inside a whorehouse. (sorry)
Why would a woman want to demean herself by appearing on that show? One would ask: "Why do women chase after men anyway?" Ovid (again) said: "Women chase after men? Does a mousetrap chase after mice?"
Last week, after watching that Bachelor show, Elaine turned on another kind of related show which I found to be hilarious. On this show, four beautiful ladies sat facing the stage and in their hands were double-faced signs. One side said "interested"; the other side said "not interested".
As they sat there, men would be pushed accross the stage on a conveyer belt. When it stopped, they would do all kinds of "shtick" to try to charm the ladies until one of them showed the "interested" sign. Then they would be able to go into a "holding area", where they would stay until their "interested" lady got interested in a different man, who would take their place.
If the man in front of the four ladies did not interest any of them.. they would be shuffled off on the conveyer belt and another "man" would be wheeled out.
It was obvious to me that these conveyer-belt men were young actors. No man could possibly be as stupid as they made themselves out to be. But they were certainly funny. The final "picked winners" got to go on a date with the ladies that picked them. There was some funny footage of these dates.
I thought that this show was right on the money... it showed how dumb some men act compared to women.. rather than the Bachelor show, where women are showed as dummies.
'enry 'iggins sang: "Why can't a woman be more like a man?" But if they were, wouldn't that be a crazy world?
Elaine and I watched the movie "War and Peace" the other night. (I had waded through much of the book once.. and even though I had studied Russian, I could not keep the Russian-named characters straightened out sufficiently to follow all of the plots and gave it up.) The movie folks had shortened the names and kind of anglicized them somewhat, so it was easier to follow the plots.
While the Russian men in the movie acted dumb most of the time, the women in the movie spent most of their time trying to seduce the men and seemed to care little for anyone's welfare but their own. I guess that was what Tolstoy thought the world was all about.. and women were like that.. airheads.. like on the Bachelor show.
A few years ago, I read "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" and several of its offshoots trying to understand women. It helped a little. I learned that men should not try to change women, while women must try constantly to change men, because men are just big boys, at least in the U.S.
The Europeans have a phrase for it: Europeans put the man into the boy too soon. Americans leave the boy in the man too long. (One example: the Baltimore Sun had a picture of two men who had spent 15 hours each having Baltimore Ravens symbols and information tatooed into their arms.)
Any thoughts on the subject?
........................................................
Chester: "Mr. Dillon, why is Miss Kitty so grouchy tonight? I just don't understand her sometimes."
Marshal Dillon: "Chester, save yourself some grief. Don't try to understand what a woman is thinking."
(The episode was written by a woman.)
Also, yesterday, Elaine showed me a piece of a comic strip that showed a girl complaining about her boyfriend's necktie, over and over as he tried on several. She finally said she liked the last one he tried on.. which was actually the first one he had on. He told her that he didn't understand. She told him not to worry about it and gave him a kiss.
I think that Ovid said this many years ago: "There are five facts that a man must know to be able to understand a woman.. unfortunately, no man knows any of them yet.".. or words to that effect. And Ovid was an expert on LOVE.
Elaine is watching the "Bachelor" show on TV and the women there appear to me to be complete airheads. If I had never heard of the show before and suddenly found it on TV and watched a bit of it, I would guess that it was filmed inside a whorehouse. (sorry)
Why would a woman want to demean herself by appearing on that show? One would ask: "Why do women chase after men anyway?" Ovid (again) said: "Women chase after men? Does a mousetrap chase after mice?"
Last week, after watching that Bachelor show, Elaine turned on another kind of related show which I found to be hilarious. On this show, four beautiful ladies sat facing the stage and in their hands were double-faced signs. One side said "interested"; the other side said "not interested".
As they sat there, men would be pushed accross the stage on a conveyer belt. When it stopped, they would do all kinds of "shtick" to try to charm the ladies until one of them showed the "interested" sign. Then they would be able to go into a "holding area", where they would stay until their "interested" lady got interested in a different man, who would take their place.
If the man in front of the four ladies did not interest any of them.. they would be shuffled off on the conveyer belt and another "man" would be wheeled out.
It was obvious to me that these conveyer-belt men were young actors. No man could possibly be as stupid as they made themselves out to be. But they were certainly funny. The final "picked winners" got to go on a date with the ladies that picked them. There was some funny footage of these dates.
I thought that this show was right on the money... it showed how dumb some men act compared to women.. rather than the Bachelor show, where women are showed as dummies.
'enry 'iggins sang: "Why can't a woman be more like a man?" But if they were, wouldn't that be a crazy world?
Elaine and I watched the movie "War and Peace" the other night. (I had waded through much of the book once.. and even though I had studied Russian, I could not keep the Russian-named characters straightened out sufficiently to follow all of the plots and gave it up.) The movie folks had shortened the names and kind of anglicized them somewhat, so it was easier to follow the plots.
While the Russian men in the movie acted dumb most of the time, the women in the movie spent most of their time trying to seduce the men and seemed to care little for anyone's welfare but their own. I guess that was what Tolstoy thought the world was all about.. and women were like that.. airheads.. like on the Bachelor show.
A few years ago, I read "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" and several of its offshoots trying to understand women. It helped a little. I learned that men should not try to change women, while women must try constantly to change men, because men are just big boys, at least in the U.S.
The Europeans have a phrase for it: Europeans put the man into the boy too soon. Americans leave the boy in the man too long. (One example: the Baltimore Sun had a picture of two men who had spent 15 hours each having Baltimore Ravens symbols and information tatooed into their arms.)
Any thoughts on the subject?
........................................................
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Weekly Dozen
Let's see if I can come up with 12 weird news items and random thoughts for the first week in 2010. Some of these items were mentioned in Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and others came from radio, TV, newspaper or magazine sources.. and some from my own aging brain.
01. Why do software developers make you open a string of years to get to your own year of birth? In my case, it takes me a long time to scroll through all those years until I hit my year.
And besides, it's depressing to know that I am that old! Instead, they could just say "type in your year of birth." And why do they need to know how old you are anyway? Teenagers lie about their age to be thought older and old folks lie about their age to be thought younger.
So.. my suggestion to the software developers would be: just say: "Pick a year of birth that pleases you."
02. 3D TV is coming! Flushed with the success of the Avatar movie, some enterprising persons are getting it ready to spring on the U.S. market. (Will we have to wear special glasses? Will our cats and dogs be scared? Our cat, SuZee watches TV with us and sometimes sudden movements make her jump.)
03. I wonder is anyone has thought of a new way to fill the country's ailing coffers: selling pictures from full body scans at airports. As I understand it, faces will be blanked out, so nobody will recognize who the person in (save in a few exceptional cases).. the best buyers of this material would probably be Middle School boys, and they are the ones who seem to have the most disposable income.
Actually, to expand on that, the Government could sell viewing tickets.. or maybe, plug the scans into a 24 hour closed circuit cable channel selling subscriptions like is done for HBO and the like. Perhaps some new kind of game shows or reality TV could be developed from this. The possibilities are endless.
04. I understand that the Pope will now be copyrighted... I wonder what that means. Does that have anthing to do with being knocked down by that crazy lady?
05. Some sharks have been implanted with radio devices that automatically text where they are so that lifeguards can warn swimmers. (Texting sharks.. what next?)
06. The inventor of the McDonald's Quarter Pounder died recently. I wonder what the cause of death was.
07. Would you believe this? (Frequent flyers know this already.) Sky Mall sells an eyeball massager!
08. Due to the current cold weather in Florida, chilled iguanas are falling out of trees.
09. A Dr. Frankel has suggested that Mona Lisa's smile was caused by high cholesterol. (Hey.. maybe we all could have our pictures painted to help our doctors in their diagnostic activity.)
10. Watch out! Apparently, some jokesters are putting baking soda in ketchup bottles in some restaurants. When the cap is opened, the ketchup explodes onto your nice new necktie. (Guess what's going to happen when the word gets out about this one.)
11. Hewlett Packard has developed a new web cam that automatically follows you.. as long as you are a pale white person.
12. Someone has developed a transparent toaster. Now you can get your toast just right.
Bonus:
Left shoe thieves are at it again in Sweden.
Leno may be coming back to his old time slot.
After being treated for chest pains, Rush Limbaugh (multi-millionaire) says that the US health system doesn't need fixing.
.....................................................
01. Why do software developers make you open a string of years to get to your own year of birth? In my case, it takes me a long time to scroll through all those years until I hit my year.
And besides, it's depressing to know that I am that old! Instead, they could just say "type in your year of birth." And why do they need to know how old you are anyway? Teenagers lie about their age to be thought older and old folks lie about their age to be thought younger.
So.. my suggestion to the software developers would be: just say: "Pick a year of birth that pleases you."
02. 3D TV is coming! Flushed with the success of the Avatar movie, some enterprising persons are getting it ready to spring on the U.S. market. (Will we have to wear special glasses? Will our cats and dogs be scared? Our cat, SuZee watches TV with us and sometimes sudden movements make her jump.)
03. I wonder is anyone has thought of a new way to fill the country's ailing coffers: selling pictures from full body scans at airports. As I understand it, faces will be blanked out, so nobody will recognize who the person in (save in a few exceptional cases).. the best buyers of this material would probably be Middle School boys, and they are the ones who seem to have the most disposable income.
Actually, to expand on that, the Government could sell viewing tickets.. or maybe, plug the scans into a 24 hour closed circuit cable channel selling subscriptions like is done for HBO and the like. Perhaps some new kind of game shows or reality TV could be developed from this. The possibilities are endless.
04. I understand that the Pope will now be copyrighted... I wonder what that means. Does that have anthing to do with being knocked down by that crazy lady?
05. Some sharks have been implanted with radio devices that automatically text where they are so that lifeguards can warn swimmers. (Texting sharks.. what next?)
06. The inventor of the McDonald's Quarter Pounder died recently. I wonder what the cause of death was.
07. Would you believe this? (Frequent flyers know this already.) Sky Mall sells an eyeball massager!
08. Due to the current cold weather in Florida, chilled iguanas are falling out of trees.
09. A Dr. Frankel has suggested that Mona Lisa's smile was caused by high cholesterol. (Hey.. maybe we all could have our pictures painted to help our doctors in their diagnostic activity.)
10. Watch out! Apparently, some jokesters are putting baking soda in ketchup bottles in some restaurants. When the cap is opened, the ketchup explodes onto your nice new necktie. (Guess what's going to happen when the word gets out about this one.)
11. Hewlett Packard has developed a new web cam that automatically follows you.. as long as you are a pale white person.
12. Someone has developed a transparent toaster. Now you can get your toast just right.
Bonus:
Left shoe thieves are at it again in Sweden.
Leno may be coming back to his old time slot.
After being treated for chest pains, Rush Limbaugh (multi-millionaire) says that the US health system doesn't need fixing.
.....................................................
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Annie, Clowns and Santas
Today, we had a great experience. We were treated to the musical "ANNIE" at Toby's Dinner Theater in Columbia, Maryland, by our friend, Jack. He also treated Mitzie, Ken and Bobbi (happy birthday!). The show was a "sellout" and 3/4ths of the attendees appeared to be around 6 years old. (Some of these kids couldn't help themselves and did impromptu soft-shoe and ballet on the stage during the intermission.)
For many years, my late wife and I attended every musical playing at the Cape Cod Melody Tent in Hyannis, Massachusetts. Most of the players there were veterans of Broadway. The Broadway players were great, but no way better than the mostly homegrown players today at Toby's. If you get a chance to see this show... go! I give it 5 stars.
Caitlin Deerin played Annie and did a fine job. Six other kids (orphans) did cartwheels, flips and their lines in a very professional manner. All members of the cast performed professionally. It is always a pleasure to observe people who know what they are doing, and are doing it well.
One member stood out physically and figuratively above all the other great actors. David Bosley-Reynolds played Oliver (Daddy) Warbucks. He WAS Daddy Warbucks. He did not need make-up or elevator shoes to make an impressive, powerful Conservative millionaire.. strike that... billionaire. We had seen Dave playing the devil in another Toby's presentation .. Damn Yankees. (That's the show that almost made a top star of my neighbor and former tap dancing teacher in New Bedford, Massachusetts, Carol Haynie.) I'll bet that Dave could become anything he wanted to be in the real world by using a combination of his devil and money-bags persona.
I guess you can tell that I liked the show.. I even shed a few tears and saw others secretly dabbing with their handkerchiefs. But it wasn't sadness.. this is an uplifting show that can make you leave there feeling pretty good all the rest of the day, singing and whistling the "topper" .. "Tomorrow, Tomorrow!"
I know, I know.. this is an old show and I have seen it somewhere before .. and I did see the movie.. but somehow, this presentation is so much better.. it is MAGIC!
I've mentioned before the "Hey, Joe Vaughan" syndrome. Today it was the "Hey, future Santa Claus!" syndrome. Marty Kurland, who has been an entertainer for years and head of the "clown club" at Social Security, spotted me and Ken at our table that was close to the stage. He thought that Ken and I might be good candidates for his "Santa Claus School". Of course, Ken is not as fat or short as I am, but he has a nice white beard as I do. Marty didn't remember me from Social Security, but I sure remembered him and members of his club. For years, he and his buddies would perform at the many functions that Social Security provided for poor Baltimore kids. I was at the same functions sometimes, representing the Social Security Alumni Association.
Sal, one of his clowns, and a good friend, spent a lot of time at one of the area's hospitals for kids with terminal illnesses. He took a special liking to one of the kids who did not have relatives and spent a lot of time keeping the kid's spirits up. When the child died, it was extremely traumatic for Sal. He was so sad that he decided not to be a clown anymore and possibly have to experience that trauma again.
Oh.. I didn't mention the food at Toby's.. they served a brunch.. breakfast and lunch food. And the salad had something that I love.. anchovies! I read where anchovies have suddenly become very expensive in some cities. So, just in case the price will get out of my price range.. I ate a bunch of anchovies so that I could always remember the taste .. yum yum!
They also served S.O.S. (or perhaps more delicately, chipped beef) that could be put on biscuits. I put mine on French toast instead and went back for seconds. Good stuff...but of course not as good as that which is made by the unshaven, fat and greasy cooks that I had in the Air Force.
What a nice day. Ain't life grand!
............................................
For many years, my late wife and I attended every musical playing at the Cape Cod Melody Tent in Hyannis, Massachusetts. Most of the players there were veterans of Broadway. The Broadway players were great, but no way better than the mostly homegrown players today at Toby's. If you get a chance to see this show... go! I give it 5 stars.
Caitlin Deerin played Annie and did a fine job. Six other kids (orphans) did cartwheels, flips and their lines in a very professional manner. All members of the cast performed professionally. It is always a pleasure to observe people who know what they are doing, and are doing it well.
One member stood out physically and figuratively above all the other great actors. David Bosley-Reynolds played Oliver (Daddy) Warbucks. He WAS Daddy Warbucks. He did not need make-up or elevator shoes to make an impressive, powerful Conservative millionaire.. strike that... billionaire. We had seen Dave playing the devil in another Toby's presentation .. Damn Yankees. (That's the show that almost made a top star of my neighbor and former tap dancing teacher in New Bedford, Massachusetts, Carol Haynie.) I'll bet that Dave could become anything he wanted to be in the real world by using a combination of his devil and money-bags persona.
I guess you can tell that I liked the show.. I even shed a few tears and saw others secretly dabbing with their handkerchiefs. But it wasn't sadness.. this is an uplifting show that can make you leave there feeling pretty good all the rest of the day, singing and whistling the "topper" .. "Tomorrow, Tomorrow!"
I know, I know.. this is an old show and I have seen it somewhere before .. and I did see the movie.. but somehow, this presentation is so much better.. it is MAGIC!
I've mentioned before the "Hey, Joe Vaughan" syndrome. Today it was the "Hey, future Santa Claus!" syndrome. Marty Kurland, who has been an entertainer for years and head of the "clown club" at Social Security, spotted me and Ken at our table that was close to the stage. He thought that Ken and I might be good candidates for his "Santa Claus School". Of course, Ken is not as fat or short as I am, but he has a nice white beard as I do. Marty didn't remember me from Social Security, but I sure remembered him and members of his club. For years, he and his buddies would perform at the many functions that Social Security provided for poor Baltimore kids. I was at the same functions sometimes, representing the Social Security Alumni Association.
Sal, one of his clowns, and a good friend, spent a lot of time at one of the area's hospitals for kids with terminal illnesses. He took a special liking to one of the kids who did not have relatives and spent a lot of time keeping the kid's spirits up. When the child died, it was extremely traumatic for Sal. He was so sad that he decided not to be a clown anymore and possibly have to experience that trauma again.
Oh.. I didn't mention the food at Toby's.. they served a brunch.. breakfast and lunch food. And the salad had something that I love.. anchovies! I read where anchovies have suddenly become very expensive in some cities. So, just in case the price will get out of my price range.. I ate a bunch of anchovies so that I could always remember the taste .. yum yum!
They also served S.O.S. (or perhaps more delicately, chipped beef) that could be put on biscuits. I put mine on French toast instead and went back for seconds. Good stuff...but of course not as good as that which is made by the unshaven, fat and greasy cooks that I had in the Air Force.
What a nice day. Ain't life grand!
............................................
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